101 most absurd mounts


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Another player in my party has always wanted to ride a giant slug (from the bestiary). The giant slug is the most absurd mount I know, but maybe there are some who are even more bizarre.

1. giant slug


2. Flail snail
3. Hydra (bonus points if each head gets its own rider)
4. Another PC
5. Animated Piano

Sovereign Court

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6. Flumph Skates. (one for each foot)

Liberty's Edge

7. An ant colony.


8. Gelatinous Cube


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9. Purple worm. No, we're not talking about riding on top of a shai-hulud here. We're talking about "riding" it in a cyst inside its mouth. Believe it or not, this is official Dragon Magazine content about illithids...

Radiant Oath

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber
BigDTBone wrote:
8. Gelatinous Cube

There actually is precedent for this one. In D&D there was an amulet of ooze-riding designed by the drow that generated a force bubble that allowed you to stand comfortably inside a gelatinous cube. The hard part was directing it. Since you're inside it, its sense of taste is useless cuz everything tastes like food, so you guide it by screaming at the top of your lungs and banging on the side of the bubble with your fists to get it to move.

It's as ridiculous as it sounds.

Also,

10. An ogre. Specifically a goblin being strapped to an ogre's back as a tail-gunner and managing to manipulate the ogre into thinking it's calling the shots. Same book!

Sovereign Court

I'm not sure it deserves a number since I think it's an awesome mount that only appears ridiculous at first glance:

11. A Carrion Worm.

What makes it awesome? Some players at a game I ran once hit upon the grand idea to make copious use of "Stone to Flesh" spells, and viola: The Carrion Worm disgustingly but effectively transports you wherever you want to go! Through walls, through the ground, whatever!


deusvult wrote:
6. Flumph Skates. (one for each foot)

Beaten to the punch.

Scarab Sages

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12. Hodor


Cthulhu
Miley Cyrus
Stegosaurus.


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16. A kitten.

Spoiler:
Bonus points if you are Skeletor.


17) Dimetradon. (The sail is in the way)

18) Ostrich

19) Master blaster


20) Ben Nevis


21) Shoggoth.

- The fact that you'd be crazy enough to ride one would be proof that the Maddening Cacophony has little if any effect on you.

22) Chaos Beast.

- What could possibly go wrong?

23) Nephilim.

- The mighty steed for a mighty champion!

24) Demilich.

- Multiple uses. Good relations with the actual Lich are highly recommended.


25) Rhinoceros - it's basically an ill-tempered, near-sighted tank with a will of its own.


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As soon as I read the last post, some of the music from "Donkey Kong Country" started playing in my head.

Now I'm imagining a PC riding an ostrich. (Yeah, I know, BigNorseWolf already mentioned it.)

How about a large frog?

How about a mini-elephant, over which the rider loses control every time the elephant sees a mouse and runs in fear?


Aaron Bitman wrote:

As soon as I read the last post, some of the music from "Donkey Kong Country" started playing in my head.

Now I'm imagining PCs riding an ostrich. (Yeah, I know, BigNorseWolf already mentioned it.)

How about a large frog?

How about a mini-elephant, over which the rider loses control every time the elephant sees a mouse and runs in fear?

I think the Large-size Parrot or the Anaconda with impossible Acrobatics (jumping) scores take the cake.


29) A giant duck.

Dark Archive

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30) Yourself, in an Escher-worthy Moebius sense.

Liberty's Edge

The PC. Their NPC companion or another PC rides them.

Of course, this is a reasonably common build in my game of choice, so *shrug*.


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31) Golems.

I have a awakened chicken Wizard who rides his stone golem (it's in the shape of an owl bear).


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32) Owlbear

There is no price for an Owlbear, but Owlbear blinders exist. It stands to reason that they can be trained.


Orthos wrote:
Aaron Bitman wrote:

As soon as I read the last post, some of the music from "Donkey Kong Country" started playing in my head.

Now I'm imagining PCs riding an ostrich. (Yeah, I know, BigNorseWolf already mentioned it.)

How about a large frog?

How about a mini-elephant, over which the rider loses control every time the elephant sees a mouse and runs in fear?

I think the Large-size Parrot or the Anaconda with impossible Acrobatics (jumping) scores take the cake.

Or a web-spitting spider.


34. A bone dragon.


a pair of opsa lopsa puppies soaked in floor cleaner


-14,396 A motorcycle with handlebars and a steering wheel on each end.

378,423 A giant tortoise.

-14 A dire rat zombie

Dronf!


Aaron Bitman wrote:

As soon as I read the last post, some of the music from "Donkey Kong Country" started playing in my head.

Now I'm imagining a PC riding an ostrich. (Yeah, I know, BigNorseWolf already mentioned it.)

How about a large frog?

How about a mini-elephant, over which the rider loses control every time the elephant sees a mouse and runs in fear?

Aw, warm memories. That game and its sequels were my introduction to platformers. Even before I played SMB, I played DKC obsessively.

Okay, time to make a character who rides a swordfish mount for an underwater campaign!
So, that's
36. A Swordfish
37. A rolling metal barrel.


38. A Gorgon (the metallic bull kind that breathes petrification breath).

39. A Gorgon (the sisters of Medusa kind).

Radiant Oath

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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

40. A horse. Most PCs either play small characters so their mount can fit in the dungeon corridors, or they swap it out for a mega-mount to smash the dungeon, or a more powerful creature to increase its survivability. No one ever STAYS with a horse throughout their ENTIRE adventuring career. :P


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Many decades ago I played in a campaign where one of the other characters played a dumb as a box of rocks barbarian who was strong enough to carry his horse and regularly did so as the horse was smarter than he was and had convinced him to do so. As the horse was the "brains" of that team the barbarian never swapped his horse out.

Scarab Sages

41. A pogo stick.

42. A giant riding starfish. I have in fact made statistics for this.

Lantern Lodge

Pathfinder Adventure, Rulebook Subscriber

43. A Huge mushroom that releases hallucinogenic spores on command to pacify the peasants. Cap is also custom-molded to provide unparalleled riding comfort.


44. A Giant Eel named Squidpony. Later converted into sushi for a small village.


I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:
42. A giant riding starfish. I have in fact made statistics for this.

Who wouldn't want a mount that could regenerate, possibly into two creatures?


45. An Awakened sousaphone.

Scarab Sages

Scythia wrote:
I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:
42. A giant riding starfish. I have in fact made statistics for this.
Who wouldn't want a mount that could regenerate, possibly into two creatures?

You know what? You're right - I didn't give it special healing abilities, but it should probably have something for that. I intended it to be more or less "mainline" in its power level, though, and fast healing would be a bit much.

Scarab Sages

46. A roper

Scarab Sages

47. a Poppinsian umbrella


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A porcupine


My current wizard is riding around on a Gecko


Yeah, the last adventure I ran was "Night's Dark Terror". Towards the end of that module, the PCs...

Night's Dark Terror:
...tried to reach a lost valley, and had to leave behind their horses who couldn't cross the difficult and dangerous mountain pass.

After the PCs reached and explored the valley, they found some of the natives riding - now I've finally reached the part of the story that ties in with Nermal2097's post - giant foot-pad lizards, and the PCs got some and rode on them. This was very handy, as the Geckos could climb steep surfaces. In the end, the party left the valley, riding their lizards off into the sunset.


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Aaron Bitman wrote:
Yeah, the last adventure I ran was "Night's Dark Terror". Towards the end of that module, the PCs...** spoiler omitted **

I imagine 'Riders on the Storm' playing on the soundtrack as they did so. Not sure why, but it seems to fit...


Giant Arctic Racing Sloth
Piercer


Nermal2097 wrote:
My current wizard is riding around on a Gecko

So his ride saves him money on car insurance?


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5,742 dull gray ioun stones


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BigNorseWolf wrote:
5,742 dull gray ioun stones

But that would only work if they were circling something's head.

Grand Lodge

Pathfinder PF Special Edition, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Theodoor wrote:

Another player in my party has always wanted to ride a giant slug (from the bestiary). The giant slug is the most absurd mount I know, but maybe there are some who are even more bizarre.

Mike's gnome turret-seated on Dave's Orc for the Living Dragonstar campaign.


Ceaser Slaad wrote:
BigNorseWolf wrote:
5,742 dull gray ioun stones
But that would only work if they were circling something's head.

Which is the absurd part :)

Scarab Sages

Oh, just have a Vudran astronomer declare that the planet is, in fact, the head of a giant cosmic man or something.

53. An asteroid

54. a bomb

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