Times you aren't sure if the GM is losing it or not


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Okay, the wall. Party of 6 + cohort + dog in a temple dedicated to the Runelord of Lust. After beating two rune guardians and two rune warriors? (not sure what it was) we entered a magically preserved library, which the alchemist was excited for because so many books. After a few cases of crumbling floor and the dwarf bard stealing the carpet we find a secret door with lips next to the wall, which the GM put there because she wanted to see someone kiss a wall. Without missing a beat the Ranger plants a long deep kiss on the thing and the door opens. What was behind it? A fireball trapped door with way more loot than level 3 PCs should have as well as a room enchanted with unnatural lust filled with pillows that the dwarf would also take.

The switchblade dildo is why our GM needs to stop reading a certain webcomic. Before we went into the temple we found a little dragon that was none too pleased about seeing us. After losing most of the ranger's health to his acid breath we managed to kill it. Afterwards we (mostly the ranger) wanted to see if they cold get an cool dragonskin equipment. Cue the fugging gnomes, the only people in town with the dragoncrafting feat. While not said repeatedly our GM does mention that the gnomes are trying to sell you silly contraptions. Our ranger types out that he buys the least ridiculous thing that they're selling, which is a switchblade dildo. He gives it to the sorcerer who mostly uses it to fluster the alchemist every now and then. Said alchemist eventually took it home when she left the party.

The hat of many animals is a running gag the GM decided to pull with...more like on the druid. The otherwise stoic half-elf has a hat that every now and then will produce a cute animal from it. It got to the point to where we didn't even care that a tiny bat came out until we figured out it was a vampire in disguise. Highlights include a baby shark, a fox kit, and a platypus.

This one is the last one that happens in the main campaign. After this our GM made a side game so she can have a vent for her silly ideas and keep them out of the semi-serious games. So we're chasing after a flying key for a magical academe and we end up on the first floor of a dungeon that was subject to a magic fight. There's too many secret doors and other magical shit. The most notable room is one with a numbered floor in a hopscotch pattern. The numbered tiles are safe, the rest deal 1d6 electricity damage. It's not too hard to get through unless you're chasing a living rune that made the sorcerer panic. It also had a few other things like that including an endless sandwich, a jar of wizard's shackles, a girdle of opposite gender, and a +2 sword in a stone that if you held it would make you think that you were destined to rule over all.

So in the skype chat for the campaign of pain and silliness we talk and tangent and for some reason potatoes comes up. Turns out our GM was looking for stupid riddles and decided potatoes would make a great answer. It's really only notable because of the anitpaladin's overreaction to the answer when the summoner gave it. "I SWEAR TO NORBERGER I WILL MURDER YOU!"

So I already explained this one but in further detail the glory hole lock was a 6 inch indent in the wall in the shape of a penis. It's a safe bet that the dungeon is going to keep whatever is put in there and our antipaladin worships Norberger, not zon kuthon. This lead to the summoner saying "I think we're going to have to find a penis idol."

I'd call this hopscotch 2 electric boogaloo but the floor dealt 1 point of force damage (we were level 1 after all) this time. This time the squares were one space apart and required acrobatics checks to pass unscathed. There were also 3 flaming skulls around it. After hopping to the 11th square and pressing a button the trap deactivated and the walls read "A WINNER IS YOU!" on them.

I love this GM both for her wonderful plots and the weird shit she comes up with, but she really does need troll campaign to unleash her massive silly.


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This is why "Gamer Talk", is the most fun part of the forums. :)

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