Amusingly Paranoid Players

[Xanzal]

So, I had an amusing incident last night that I would like to share. My players, having fought through a vampire den, managed to find the coffin of the head vampire.

The Witch of the group detected magic, and I spontaneously decided to add a magical aura for fun on the coffin. At first, they assumed it might be a magical trap, or perhaps an aura from the vampire's equipment. They studied the aura, and found it was illusion magic.

In my group, I have a history of adoring illusion magic, and using it in fairly sneaky and devious ways. However, I only rarely use it. This one aura (from a Phantom Trap spell) managed to bring my players to a standstill for roughly 20 minutes as they tried anything they could to figure out what was wrong with the coffin. They tried disbelieving it, throwing things at it, examining it for traps repeatedly, and nearly left in order to get extra supplies to deal with this obviously deadly apocalyptic spell.

It was only when the Paladin finally opened the coffin out of frustration, daring me to do my worst, I finally told them what the spell was. They were annoyed at first, but then admitted that it was pretty good. Does anyone else have any fun stories like that?

[Avatar-1]

Never heard of that spell, and now I know why.

[Kalindlara]

I love phantom trap. :)

[Kobold Catgirl]

You should have had confetti and streamers burst out.

[Bwang]

Wishes are notorious for wrecking parties. A GM in the 80s bolluxed us with 'monkey's paw' wishes, in order to pass a chasm. The mook would envelop you in its shroud, demand your wish and deposit you safely to the far side. In a few days, your wish might manifest but the curse dropped much faster. Time was crucial, so I went with a flower (I got severe allergies for several weeks) figuring correctly that a puny wish would draw a minor disaster. Other than a few blown spells and a shambling mound, i was golden.

Our no. 1 fighter went for the brass ring, a powerful sword. Wound up with one that kept taking him over on occasion. That wasn't the curse, just the consequences of a high end sword. He never did find out the curse, but I think it summoned treasure-less monsters, a truly nasty curse.

Some time later, a genie ring fell into our hands and we unanimously sold it.

[TheOtherDrew]

In a game I'm GMing, the PC's had to rescue a group of farmers that were being held as a captive audience by a juvenile copper dragon. The dragon was an aspiring comedian and the entrance to his lair was a succession of good-natured 'fun house' style traps.

Eventually they came to a smallish room that only had a small button on the wall with a sign next to it saying "Press button for free bear trap". They identified that the button was trapped. That was funny because every room was technically trapped with silly traps, but this was the only one they specifically asked about and it made them pretty nervous. They slowly backed out of the room and threw various things at the button to trigger it.

The trap turned out to be a silent image of a large bear that appeared, reared onto it's hind legs, silently roared and then poofed out of existence.

[Philo Pharynx]

Bwang wrote:

Wishes are notorious for wrecking parties. A GM in the 80s bolluxed us with 'monkey's paw' wishes, in order to pass a chasm. The mook would envelop you in its shroud, demand your wish and deposit you safely to the far side. In a few days, your wish might manifest but the curse dropped much faster. Time was crucial, so I went with a flower (I got severe allergies for several weeks) figuring correctly that a puny wish would draw a minor disaster. Other than a few blown spells and a shambling mound, i was golden.

Our no. 1 fighter went for the brass ring, a powerful sword. Wound up with one that kept taking him over on occasion. That wasn't the curse, just the consequences of a high end sword. He never did find out the curse, but I think it summoned treasure-less monsters, a truly nasty curse.

Some time later, a genie ring fell into our hands and we unanimously sold it.

In one adventure, the wish-giving Marid was trapped, and offered each of us a wish if one of us would use that wish to free us. We swore to do so, but the wish for freedom would only happen after the others were satisfied with their wishes. And we got it's true name (verified through legend lore). The wishes weren't twisted (we didn't go overboard anyway), she was freed, and everybody was happy. A little paranoia mixed with proper preparation for the win.

[Big Lemon]

"...and on the wall to your left there is a single wooden door of simple make."
"I listen at the door."
"You hear nothing on the other side of the door."
"I check the door for traps"
"You can detect no traps on this door."
"I cautiously pick the lock on the door."
"After fidgeting with it for a few minutes, you realize the door isn't even locked."
"I draw one of my knives and cautiously open the door."

"You have found the toilet."

[Usual Suspect]

Big Lemon wrote:

"...and on the wall to your left there is a single wooden door of simple make."

"I listen at the door."
"You hear nothing on the other side of the door."
"I check the door for traps"
"You can detect no traps on this door."
"I cautiously pick the lock on the door."
"After fidgeting with it for a few minutes, you realize the door isn't even locked."
"I draw one of my knives and cautiously open the door."

"You have found the toilet."

No trap in the toilet? Man it must have stunk in there. :)

[Big Lemon]

Usual Suspect wrote:

Big Lemon wrote:

"...and on the wall to your left there is a single wooden door of simple make."

"I listen at the door."
"You hear nothing on the other side of the door."
"I check the door for traps"
"You can detect no traps on this door."
"I cautiously pick the lock on the door."
"After fidgeting with it for a few minutes, you realize the door isn't even locked."
"I draw one of my knives and cautiously open the door."

"You have found the toilet."

No trap in the toilet? Man it must have stunk in there. :)

It certainly did after they realized that none of them had used the bathroom since entering the dungeon.

[DM Under The Bridge]

Brutally killing npcs because they are acting suspicious.

Refusing to ever trust any npc because of paranoia that they are all up to something.

Outright saying to their face, that they think their employer is a demon/cultist/despot intending to seize power.

Stripping and assaulting a party member and searching for their holy sign. Said character was in the process of switching their religion due to the trauma they experienced in dungeons (before the shameful stripping).

And an oldie so ancient it is almost a tradition, dimly seeing something in the dark and immediately choosing to set it on fire. Poor hostages...

[Joe Hex]

You really want to mess with players- randomly roll dice behind the DM screen.

[Threeshades]

Player: "I open the door."
GM: "How?"
Player: "I... check for traps."

Works every time.

[Aranna]

Talk about paranoia:

I was once executed by the Captain and Security Chief after an argument about naming a new star... for trying to go to engineering to sulk... I was the Engineering Chief. For some strange reason they must have thought I wanted to commit suicide and decided to beat me to the goal?! It was a silly name... I was role playing, I certainly wasn't going to blow anyone up least of all myself ... over a name ... and where else would the engineer go to sulk but engineering?!

[RainyDayNinja]

I GM'd "Mists of Mwangi," and the PCs walked into a room full of stuffed monsters (chimeras, large bears, etc.) that would have easily outclassed their low-level party. I placed minis on the map to represent the stuffed creatures, and as experienced adventurers, the PCs assumed they would spring to life at any moment and attack. I stayed quiet while they all jockeyed for the perfect position, ready to pounce if any of the things so much as twitched.

Once they were all settled, the masks mounted on the walls (which I had not placed minis for yet) animate and get them from behind.

[Mureaux]

One game I had, they were in an alternate realm where their beliefs and desires would come true, and a comic/gaming convention was all turned into the things they dressed as. The players were tasked with finding the child of someone important, who was kidnapped by a con goer who had turned into none other than the Joker. The adventure brought them to a medieval castle where the players were separated by trap and running through a hall of fire traps and a hall of ice traps respectively, the traps set to a musical tune. Upon completing it, one player stopped to rest, the other moved down the hall to check around.

Out came the Joker, dressed in clunky plate armor. He put his sword forward and challenged the player to a duel. The player scrambled to respond, and blurted that the challenger has to accept the terms/weapon of the one they challenge, and succeeded at persuading him.

He chose a naked footrace (thinking that'd prevent Joker hijinks). They went to the hall of ice for their race, and first the Joker arrived in a lycra ski suit (quoting the "IT IS LIKE WEARING NOTHING AT ALL"), which the player accepted as nude enough, while the player was utterly nude. They began to race backwards through the traps. It was a pretty comical race with quips between the two, but as they reached the final stretch, the joker fell back, and leaped onto the player's back, pushing him forward onto the ice to ride him like a toboggan. He crossed the finish line like that, quoting Cool Runnings, and dropping off as the player crashed into the wall (but 'won').

Was probably the most epic moment in any of my games. Only other paranoid moments I can think of...

A big scary door in rise of the runelords, the enemies within had responded to the players and attacked in another room and perished, so they spent a good 8 spells and more potions to prep for the room, burst in, and found nothing there. Video game logic shot them in the foot.

Had a group of players divvying out a disease-ridden dying player's inventory in a jungle survival game, afraid to go talk to him like a human being, so he crawled beneath their jeep-tent-supply closet and popped two grenades.

[Theeris]

i had a PC who checked walls so much (even when in his own home) that he just called it his "signature move," and only helped him once in an entire campign

[Petty Alchemy]

Don't be too harsh on paranoid players. We're paranoid because we've been burned in the past.

Never forget to check the ceiling...

[Hama]

When I get a paranoid player. I usually remove all traps and unlock all unimportant doors in a dungeon. Just to look at him fume.

[Loren Pechtel]

TheOtherDrew wrote:

In a game I'm GMing, the PC's had to rescue a group of farmers that were being held as a captive audience by a juvenile copper dragon. The dragon was an aspiring comedian and the entrance to his lair was a succession of good-natured 'fun house' style traps.

Eventually they came to a smallish room that only had a small button on the wall with a sign next to it saying "Press button for free bear trap". They identified that the button was trapped. That was funny because every room was technically trapped with silly traps, but this was the only one they specifically asked about and it made them pretty nervous. They slowly backed out of the room and threw various things at the button to trigger it.

The trap turned out to be a silent image of a large bear that appeared, reared onto it's hind legs, silently roared and then poofed out of existence.

I think it would be even more fun if the sign was 100% accurate. Push the button and a panel in the ceiling drops a bear trap.

[BlackOuroboros]

Petty Alchemy wrote:

Don't be too harsh on paranoid players. We're paranoid because we've been burned in the past.

Never forget to check the ceiling...

Sometimes you don't want to check the ceiling...

I remember a game I played a few years back that was a modern setting game. We ended up going to a dream realm based off of Greek mythology and we were in a pantheon-like building looking for a Gorgon. We started to explore when the DM announces something like "You hear rattling like a serpent's tail coming from the ceiling... what do you each do."

Around the table you heard the following chorus:
"I stare at the floor!"
"I close my eyes!"
"I shield my face!"
"I avert my gaze!"
"I look up."

I kid you not, I swear I heard the sound of a record skip like it was out of a sit-com and the protagonist entered a biker bar. The DM just gave a flat "what" and the player (who, to be fair, is not the sharpest crayon in the barn on the best of days) said "Yeah, I want to know what's up there." So the DM, still somewhat apoplectic, announced that he was now a stone statue. The rest of us were alternating between laughing hysterically and asking him what the heck he was thinking. He was pissed and confused because he didn't know what a Gorgon was and he didn't both to ask and said "If we had called it by its proper mythological name, a Medusa, then I would have been fine." It was his... eighth dead character of the campaign I think; everybody else was still on their first guy. Good times.

Moral of the story: "Properly Paranoid Players"(TM) are paranoid of the ceiling too.