I'm looking for criticism on a homebrew race I've been working on. The basic concept of it is: Make a Scylla-like race without any level adjust stuff and keep it balanced. (I've also created a few racial feats and one racial archetype that I hardly put any work into, I'll post them in a separate message under this one) Thanks ahead of time, sorry for the long read.
The shy Ilda are a race of half octopus, half human bound together long ago by powerful wizards; a match usually thought to be the
dreaded Scylla. With this conclusion being made among most races, they were seen as a danger to be hunted. Despite the peaceful nature
they come from, the Ilda retreated into the seas to brood their hatred into every tale. Their newborn are often taught that other races
are evil and have fear driven into them to keep them from wandering to civilization. However, Ilda have free thought and in older ages,
some have wandered into the life of an adventurer. Alternatively, some groups have even kidnapped Ilda before, selling them into
various positions.
Physical Description:
An Ilda stands to normal human heights with four Tentacles that sprout from their waist and surround their two human legs. Aside from
that, they look entirely human. Their Tentacles are very squishy, making them not fit for combat normally. Though they can be used to
lift smaller objects. Their human looks generally allure those normally attracted to their gender, which makes some Ilda very
charismatic, even towards other races despite their willingness to engage them.
Society:
Among the oceans that the Ilda call home they run very close communities. Within these smaller towns, the Ilda hold their stories and
story tellers as kings. The one tasked with carrying on their history always ends up being headmaster of the town.
Because of the shy nature of these ocean dwellers towards other races, they do not talk with outside races, regardless of temperment.
This also means that Ilda are forbidden from leaving. If contact was made with the wrong people, their way of life could be in danger.
Though, this does not always stop Ilda of age from venturing out on some quest.
All things aside, the Ilda can be very charismatic among themselves and are a very proud race. This is why they now tell stories to
talk down upon the other races of the world.
Relations:
The Ilda do not meet or trade with other races and often times hide when tasked with doing so. In the past, they have talked with other
water dwelling races, which is where they learned to create language. When it comes to land races, they are often very hostile and
bitter.
Alignment/Religion: The Ilda follow a code that states they not leave their home. Because of this, most Ilda are Lawful even if they
have left home. They often times worship lesser known water gods.
Adventurers: It is rare that the Ilda ever leave their homes and often times only do so by force. Though it is not unheard of for some
Ilda to stray out on their own in search of proving their race worthy to others.
What classes does your race tend to favor?: Wizard, Sorcerer, Druid and Cleric.
Age:
Adulthood: 18
Male Names: Houpar, Gooplar, Jublou, Filpi. (Male Suffixes: ar, lou, pi, lar)
Female Names: Looble, Lubly, Hooblia, Filoub. (Female Suffixes: le, ly, lia, oub)
Monstrous Humanoid (3 RP) (Humanoid Aquatic)
Monstrous humanoids have the darkvision 60 feet racial trait.
Monstrous humanoids breathe, eat, and sleep.
Medium (0 RP)
Medium races have no bonuses or penalties due to their size. A Medium creature has a space of 5 feet by 5 feet and a reach of 5 feet.
Slow Speed (–1 RP)
The race has a base speed of 20 feet. If the race is Medium, its members' speed is never modified by armor or encumbrance.
Swim (2 RP)
Prerequisites: None.
Benefit: Members of this race have a swim speed of 30 feet and gain the +8 racial bonus on Swim checks that a swim speed normally
grants. All Swim speed is lost if 3 or more of the 4 Tentacles are removed by any means and returns if regenerated (Do not regenerate
naturally)
Specialized (1 RP)
Prerequisites: Pick either mental or physical ability scores.
Modifiers: Members of this race gain a +2 bonus to two ability scores of the chosen type, and a –2 penalty to one ability score of the
other type. (+2 CHA, +2 INT, -2 STR)
Xenophobic (0 RP)
Members of this race start with their racial language only. Races without a racial language cannot take this array. Furthermore, choose
up to four languages (except for Druidic or other secret languages), one of which must be Common (or Undercommon, if the race is native
to the underground regions). Members of this race with high Intelligence scores can choose from any of these additional languages.
Racial:
Ildish (Close to aquan)
Bonus:
Common
Aboleth
Aklo
Aquan
Negative Traits:
Fear of the World (-1 RP)
Members of this race take a -2 to saves against fear effects.
Defensive Trait:
Stability (1 RP)
Prerequisites: None.
Benefit: Members of this race receive a +4 racial bonus to their CMD when resisting bull rush or trip attempts while standing on the
ground.
Feat and Skill Racial Trait:
Camouflage (1 RP)
Prerequisites: None.
Benefit: Members of this race gain a +4 racial bonus on Stealth checks while within Large Bodies of Water.
Other Traits:
Amphibious (2 RP)
Prerequisites: Swim racial trait.
Benefit: Members of this race are amphibious and can breathe both air and water.
Prehensile Tentacles (2 RP)
Prerequisites: None.
Benefit: Members of this race have long, flexible tentacles that can be used to carry objects. They cannot wield weapons with their
tentacles, but they can retrieve small, stowed objects carried on their persons as a swift action. Acts as one tentacle despite having
four.
These are extremely experimental!
Racial Feats:
Strong Tentacles (Ilda)
You have lived your life traveling the oceans be it by running from predators or pure adventurous craving and have honed your Tentacles
at propeling you forward in the water.
Prerequisites: Ilda Race.
Benefit: Your swim speed increases by +20 feet.
Special: If your Ilda loses their tentacles, you lose this feat. Though, if you were to somehow regain your tentacles, you can regain
this feat.
Strong Tentacles, Improved (Ilda)
Your time as an adventurer has led you to further hone your Tentacles' strength.
Prerequisites: Ilda Race, Class level 9, Strong Tentacles
Benefit: Your swim speed increases by a further +10 feet.
Special: If your Ilda loses their tentacles, you lose this feat. Though, if you were to somehow regain your tentacles, you can regain
this feat.
Mountain Tentacles (Ilda)
The land in your travels has been troublesome and dangerous, but you have figured out a way to use the sucction cups on your tentacles
to climb.
Prerequisites: Ilda Race, Class level 3, Strong Tentacles
Benefit: You gain a +4 Racial Bonus to climb checks and can climb up flat surfaces.
Special: If your Ilda loses their tentacles, you lose this feat. Though, if you were to somehow regain your tentacles, you can regain
this feat.
Ink Jet (Ilda)
You call upon your octopus roots to spit ink from your mouth.
Prerequisites: Ilda Race.
Benefit: You gain the ability to shoot ink from your mouth which can blind targets. 1d4+1 rounds, DC 10 + con mod + half class level
Reflex Save.
Art of the Tentacle (Ilda)
Combat is not usually something you and your people engage in by choice, but you have found it to be nesessary to fight for your life
or at least for fun. So you trained yourself to fight with your tentacles.
Prerequisites: Ilda Race, Class level 9, Improved Strong Tentacles
Benefit: You gain a natural slam attack that deals 1d6 + your strength modifier.
Special: You can take this feat multiple times, each time you gain another natural attack up to a total of 4. If your Ilda loses their
tentacles, you lose this feat. Though, if you were to somehow regain your tentacles, you can regain this feat.
Tentacle Style (Ilda)
The masters of combat among the Ilda, how few there are, have honed their tentacles to strike foes for lethal damage and to be agile.
Prerequisites: Ilda Race, Art of the Tentacle
Benefit: All your tentacle attacks are now considered Unarmed attacks for bonuses. You also now deal 1d8 damage + Strength Modifier and
can trip or grapple a target as a free action after your first tentacle attack each round.
Special: If your Ilda loses their tentacles, you lose this feat. Though, if you were to somehow regain your tentacles, you can regain
this feat.
Spell Ink (Ilda)
The Ilda were born of magically combined humans and octopi, this has led to magical effects being realized in those adept at casting.
Prerequisites: Ilda Race, Ink Jet, Caster level 2
Benefit: Can create a stationary 20ft radius mist of ink even underwater. This mist lasts 2 rounds and cannot be blown away. On command the mist can entangle all targets inside imparing movement for 1 round. This ability can be cast twice a day.
Ilda Racial Arcetypes:
Monk of the Four Tentacles:
At 1st level you gain Art of the Tentacle (Ilda) as a bonus feat.
This replaces "Bonus Feat"
At 6th level you gain Ink Jet (Ilda) as a bonus feat.
This replaces "Bonus Feat"
At 10th level you gain Tentacle Style (Ilda) as a bonus feat.
This replaces "Bonus Feat"
Fast Movement (Swim)
At 3rd Level, a monk gains an enhancement bonus to her swim speed. Wearing armor or carrying a medium or more load negates this. See
Monk Table for numbers.
This replaces "Fast Movement"
Aquatic Trick
At 5th level you can use your swim speed to launch yourself out of water as if moving at top speed. You add your level to swim checks
and by spending a ki point can gain a +20 to swim checks for 1 round.
This Replaces "High Jump"
Water Step
At 12th level you can use your swim speed to move across any foot deep body of water or larger. This costs 1 ki per round.
This Replaces "Abundant Step"
Improved Ink Jet
At 15th level a Monk of the Four Tentacles can call upon its octopus roots to cast a powerful ink jet. The ink normally only blinds
targets (1d4+1 rounds, DC 10 + con mod + half the class level Reflex Save) if it hits, but by spending 1 ki points you can choose to
make it have acidic, freezing or flaming effects once per day.
Acidic: Adds 3d6 acid damage and the target must make a DC 10+class level+wis mod fortitude save or be permanently blinded.
Freezing: Adds 3d6 cold damage and the target must make a DC 10+class level+wis mod fortitude save to not be frozen. If frozen, targets
are slowed for 1d4+1 rounds.
Flaming: Adds 6d6 fire damage and the target must make a DC 10+class level+wis mod fortitude save or be burned for 1d6 for 1d4+1
rounds.
This Replaces "Quivering Palm"
1. I'd just make the tentacles tangle into leg-shaped appendages... it gives it more personality.
2. Monstrous Humanoid subtype brings A LOT of advantages, particularly in terms of avoiding spells and effects. Just make them Humanoids with the Aquatic subtype or something, then grant them Darkvision by mealpiece.
3. Don't give a race +2 to two mental skills. +2 to a physical, +2 to a mental is the norm, although it's been occasionally broken... Anyway, I don't see how this race has any Charisma bonus from what you've said about them; and nothing in their description tells me that they should have a STR penalty, unless you just want to create a specialized Sorcerer race.
4. Rest of racial distribution seems balanced.
1. I'd just make the tentacles tangle into leg-shaped appendages... it gives it more personality.
2. Monstrous Humanoid subtype brings A LOT of advantages, particularly in terms of avoiding spells and effects. Just make them Humanoids with the Aquatic subtype or something, then grant them Darkvision by mealpiece.
3. Don't give a race +2 to two mental skills. +2 to a physical, +2 to a mental is the norm, although it's been occasionally broken... Anyway, I don't see how this race has any Charisma bonus from what you've said about them; and nothing in their description tells me that they should have a STR penalty, unless you just want to create a specialized Sorcerer race.
4. Rest of racial distribution seems balanced.
Most of what I've done with this was based off the "Create a Race" section of the PFSRD.
1. I thought of this, but in my search for reference art, it never seemed to look as good as it sounds. Plus, it was my way of giving them 8 limbs hahaha
2. Ah, on the create a race page it doesn't really elaborate well on the subtypes (My fault for not pursuing them further) I think i will go with your suggestion.
3. This was a option listed in the page I used, they had these odd requirements that needed to be met in order to follow the RP costs. The reason I chose CHA (Over the possible WIS) was because a Scylla, the creature I based them off, was known to be beautiful. Which I agree is a stretch for what I was going for.
4. Good to hear :D
Thanks for taking the time to read through it, I'll keep this all in mind as I edit it.
They seem pretty cool all up. The one thing that bothers me is their stat allocations doesn't seem to make a lot of sense. What kind of theme are you going for exactly? A shy, weak, but cunning race? CHA doesn't really fit this at all and a lot of your references to CHA seem really shoehorned in. If anything it sounds like such a timid race might have a penalty to CHA! Perhaps -2 STR, +2 CON, +2 INT makes more sense, or -2 CHA +2 CON +2 INT. Either is an excellent array for arcane spellcasters.
Having your race speak straight up aquan may also be better than introducing a new language as it reduces the language bloat that can often happen otherwise. You can say in the fluff they speak a unique language but aquan is similar enough to allow for a rough translation of meaning.
They seem pretty cool all up. The one thing that bothers me is their stat allocations doesn't seem to make a lot of sense. What kind of theme are you going for exactly? A shy, weak, but cunning race? CHA doesn't really fit this at all and a lot of your references to CHA seem really shoehorned in. If anything it sounds like such a timid race might have a penalty to CHA! Perhaps -2 STR, +2 CON, +2 INT makes more sense, or -2 CHA +2 CON +2 INT. Either is an excellent array for arcane spellcasters.
Having your race speak straight up aquan may also be better than introducing a new language as it reduces the language bloat that can often happen otherwise. You can say in the fluff they speak a unique language but aquan is similar enough to allow for a rough translation of meaning.
Yeah, the more I look at the stat allocation, the more I dislike it. I've since removed the Monstrous Humanoid type for a Aquatic Humanoid (Which gives me back 3 RP) and have taken the "Choose +2 in any two stats" option. Seems a bit much, but this is only a 10RP race. I also put some spell resist with the extra 2 points I had.
As much as I love making new stuff, I think I agree with you. I already kind of allude to them learning language from other sea races, it would probably help to make it a native Aquan speaker.
Thanks for the input though :D I'll keep all of this in mind as I update it.
Hm, interesting, though this race is annoying to read.
I agree with the others, but I also feel like you aren't using your design space effectively. For example, why does the feat that turns the tentacle into a natural weapon consider them as slam attacks when the game already defines a tentacle natural weapon? Most of the feats are really lame and look like they should be alternate racial traits or just race traits. Their society also needs more work. It doesn't really show me much about this race. What do they value? How does their civlization work? How do they treat one another? What about themselves do they take pride in? What gods do they worship and why?
Hm, interesting, though this race is annoying to read.
I agree with the others, but I also feel like you aren't using your design space effectively. For example, why does the feat that turns the tentacle into a natural weapon consider them as slam attacks when the game already defines a tentacle natural weapon? Most of the feats are really lame and look like they should be alternate racial traits or just race traits. Their society also needs more work. It doesn't really show me much about this race. What do they value? How does their civlization work? How do they treat one another? What about themselves do they take pride in? What gods do they worship and why?
For the feats I honestly just took a shot in the dark. I ran some of them by some friends, but none of us have ever tried to make our own. The biggest thing I tried to do was not overpower them, but I will admit, some of them I was just making them up for no reason.
As for the background information areas, I can see what you mean.
Thanks for the feedback, I'll probably end up scrapping the feats for a bit, but if I ever return to them, I'll keep what you said in mind. As for the background, I'll elaborate on it tonight sometime after my game.
1. I'd just make the tentacles tangle into leg-shaped appendages... it gives it more personality.
2. Monstrous Humanoid subtype brings A LOT of advantages, particularly in terms of avoiding spells and effects. Just make them Humanoids with the Aquatic subtype or something, then grant them Darkvision by mealpiece.
3. Don't give a race +2 to two mental skills. +2 to a physical, +2 to a mental is the norm, although it's been occasionally broken... Anyway, I don't see how this race has any Charisma bonus from what you've said about them; and nothing in their description tells me that they should have a STR penalty, unless you just want to create a specialized Sorcerer race.
4. Rest of racial distribution seems balanced.
Most of what I've done with this was based off the "Create a Race" section of the PFSRD.
1. I thought of this, but in my search for reference art, it never seemed to look as good as it sounds. Plus, it was my way of giving them 8 limbs hahaha
2. Ah, on the create a race page it doesn't really elaborate well on the subtypes (My fault for not pursuing them further) I think i will go with your suggestion.
3. This was a option listed in the page I used, they had these odd requirements that needed to be met in order to follow the RP costs. The reason I chose CHA (Over the possible WIS) was because a Scylla, the creature I based them off, was known to be beautiful. Which I agree is a stretch for what I was going for.
4. Good to hear :D
Thanks for taking the time to read through it, I'll keep this all in mind as I edit it.
Don't take the Race Builder from the Advanced Race Guide too much to heart. Balance is an art, not a science...
For example, if I made a race that used its modifiers to get +2 STR, +2 CON, -2 CHA, then got bonuses to Will saves, Toughness as a bonus feat and darkvision... I would have just made a 100% awesome Barbarian race that makes it useless to roll any other races for a Barbarian because this is so good.
I think you have a good balance between flavor and utility in your racials though, it's just the finer points (like the mental/mental/physical stat bonus distribution) that you should take a look at.