Official Critique My Item Thread


RPG Superstar™ General Discussion

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Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Matt Banach wrote:

Mimic Skin

Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot armor; Price 4,510 gp; Weight 15 lbs.

Description

This glistening gray +1 leather armor can change its shape and appearance up to three times per day upon command to assume the form of a normal set of clothing or a different type of armor, though it retains all its properties (including weight) when so disguised. The armor always has a rough texture, no matter what appearance it might present.

Once per day upon command the armor completely envelopes the wearer, assuming the shape and appearance of any object of the same size category as the wearer for up to 8 hours, so long as the wearer remains immobile and the wearer's body fits inside the mimicked object. The wearer gains a +20 circumstance bonus to Disguise checks when imitating objects in this manner.

Once per day upon command the armor exudes a thick slime that acts as a powerful adhesive for up to 1 hour. An adhesive-covered wearer gains a +4 circumstance bonus to Climb checks, CMD against disarm attempts, and saving throws against effects that cause the wearer to drop something held. Additionally, an adhesive-covered wearer gains a +2 circumstance bonus on combat maneuver checks to initiate a grapple, maintain a grapple, and pin a foe. Any enemy an adhesive-covered wearer grapples takes a -2 penalty on attempts to break or escape the grapple. Any weapon that strikes an adhesive-covered wearer becomes stuck unless its wielder succeeds at a DC 17 Reflex saving throw, and if stuck can only be pulled free with a successful DC 17 Strength check; this does not affect unarmed strikes or natural weapons. The wearer can dissolve the adhesive upon command.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, alter self, resinous skin; Cost 2,410 gp

*So this item has a mini-glamered (3/day, though it seems like it has unlimited duration) as well as the object disguise 1/day and everything in resinous skin except DR 1/day but for so long that it's usually enough for a whole day's adventuring. That an awful lot packed into a small price.

*It's better than the other mimic armor.

Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Garrett Guillotte wrote:

Norgorber's Lens

Aura moderate conjuration and illusion; CL 10th
Slot shield; Price 24,155 gp; Weight 7 lbs.

Description
This smooth ebony +1 buckler is polished and worn so thin in one corner that the curved black stone forms a translucent lens 6 inches in diameter. The lens slightly magnifies the view from behind the buckler, but peering through the front makes everything behind it appear distant and distorted.

Three times per day when fighting defensively as a full-round action, the wielder of Norgorber's lens can plunge any melee weapon through the back of the lens, its point emerging anywhere in the wielder's line of sight within 30 feet as though the wielder was adjacent to the target.

Once per day, the wielder of Norgorber's lens can consume all remaining attacks to warp reality between himself and the buckler for a number of rounds equal to twice the number of attacks consumed. To all creatures in a 100-foot cone facing Norgorber's lens, the buckler appears to float in mid-air with the wielder hidden completely behind it regardless of his size, granting the wielder total concealment and the AC and Stealth bonuses of a Tiny-sized creature. Outside of the cone, the wielder retains his normal appearance and gains no benefits.

While this ability is active, the wielder takes up the same amount of space and may move and attack as normal; his weapons retain their normal size during an attack. The wielder is not considered invisible and may still draw attacks of opportunity. If the wielder takes damage while obscured by the lens, the effect immediately ends and all uses for the day are wasted.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, dimension door, mislead; Cost 12,655 gp

** spoiler omitted **...

*Price/Cost don't match up.

*Lots of rules errors and wording issues make this one a pain to use.

*For one thing, we don't have facing, but the cone requires the wielder to commit to a facing.

*Also, total concealment negates AoOs, invisible or not.

*The 3/day power is a bit confusing; it requires fighting defensively as a full-round action, but does that mean it's part of a full attack action? The item doesn't exactly say what it's doing at that time, but presumably it means that the wielder is making a single attack against a distant foe.

Star Voter Season 9

Mark Seifter wrote:
hewhocaves wrote:

So how does this work? Lean over, extend neck... One swift slice, please!

Dwarven Armor of Exploration

*This seems like a mudform wondrous item shoe-horned into an armor.

*Measured in combat rounds, it takes a long time to get to the daily usage limit.

Thanks for the feedback, Mark. I hadn't even seen the mudform ability in the Monster Codex until you pointed it out. Mea culpa. With that in mind, one of my other ideas would have gone over a lot better. The idea was to give a little more magical credence to the dwarven ability to find precious minerals and get around dangerous situations underground. I'm still counting it as a good first year attempt and will redouble my efforts for next year.

Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Bombadil wrote:

Thundering Shield

Aura moderate evocation; CL 5th
Slot shield; Price 4,800 gp; Weight 15 lbs.

Description
This +1 living steel heavy shield is always designed with a large mouth stretching across the surface. The glossy green mouth can be anything from a needle toothed fey grin to the voluptuous lips of a goddess.
Once per day, on command, the mouth animates and yells with thunderous force. Every creature in a 15 foot cone must make a DC 16 Fortitude save to avoid being stunned for 1 round. Creatures that cannot hear are not affected. The shield may be activated as part of a full round charge action, the origin for the cone is 10 feet from the start of the charge.
The ability of living steel to damage metal weapons is enhanced by the large mouth. The shield bites at metal weapons that strike it, increasing the requirement for those weapons to save against living steel on rolls of natural 1 and natural 2.
The phrase yelled by the shield is set at the time of creation, but may be changed with an hour of work and a DC 15 Craft Magic Arms and Armor check.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, sound burst; Cost 2,400 gp

*Wording issues. Price/Cost don't match.

*I actually like how the shield's abilities work together with each other and with the shield's material,

*On the other hand, Craft Magic Arms and Armor is not a skill

Star Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Thomas LeBlanc wrote:


Staff of entwined elements - Didn't like additional recharge mechanic. Odd requirements. Price/cost incorrect.

I was very careful on the price/cost:

8,300 gp price/4,300 gp cost for a +2-equivalent quarterstaff; I figured the fact that it can be shock, corrosive, flaming, or frost and is guaranteed to be a useful one when the ability is active balances out the fact that sometimes it isn't any of them.

11,000 gp price/ 5,500 gp cost for an elemental metamagic rod, for the metaelemental ability, potentially more times per day balanced by only usable on the staff's spells (I considered making it a full-use elemental metamagic rod but decided to limit it.

50 gp price/cost for continual flame

(400 x 6 x 11)/2 = 13,200 gp cost/26,400 gp price for elemental assessor
(300 x 6 x 11)/2 = 9,900 gp cost/19,800 gp price for acid fog
(200 x 5 x 11)/2 = 5,500 gp cost/11,000 gp price for cone of cold
(200 x 3 x 11) = 6,600 gp cost/13,200 gp price for lightning bolt
(200 x 2 x 11) = 4,400 gp cost/8,800 gp price for scorching ray

for a price of 98,550 gp and a cost of 49,450 gp.

(Staff-crafting is calculated by cost first, then the price is double that.)

The additional recharge was based on the staves in the ACG that can do it; it's to hopefully make the staff a more attractive option since staves are usually terrible.

The requirements picked as odd I assume are the "Elemental Spell taken twice OR Admixture Evocation Arcane School." I spent a good amount of time on that as well; Elemental Spell is a basic requirement for the staff because of what it does, but Elemental Spell can only change to one element. To grasp the idea of entwined elements, it normally requires two instances of the feat, such as both Elemental Spell (Cold) and Elemental Spell (Acid); this is way more reasonable than requiring all four. I considered making the Admixture Evocation Arcane School a requirement for the staff, but I didn't want to make a focused arcane school (a slightly more advanced mechanic choice) required, so I allowed it to substitute for the second instance of the Elemental Spell feat. Even with the school, though, you still need Elemental Spell, because Versatile Evocation only works on Evocation spells, and one of the spells in the staff (acid fog) belongs to the conjuration school instead. The feat then represents the ability to transfer the elemental admixture to other schools of magic.

Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

JK Ironak wrote:

I didn't know much about items and item creation when I was writing this, and after reading other items I realized why it failed. I mostly wonder about critique of general idea, but if I won't mind if someone takes effort to critique it seriously :)

Ring of forgotten acquaintance
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 12th
Slot ring slot; Price 7,000 gp; Weight — lbs.
Description
This ring grants you a +5 competence bonus on Bluff and Diplomacy checks, but only against a person who's history you know (or guess correctly). You have to start the conversation with something akin to: "Don't I know you from..." and name an actually place/organisation etc. where the person used to live/work for. They will be, for a short while, convinced they met you before, but forgot all about you. The confusion and embarrassment will make the Diplomacy and Bluff checks easier.
Construction
Requirements Forge ring, eagle’s splendor, creator must be 12th level; Cost 3,500 gp

*Item costs more than a +5 Bluff/Diplomacy item with no restrictions, and it also assumes a whole bunch requiring the GM to houserule further restrictions (Male Human to Drow Priestess: "Don't I know you from drow priestess academy?")

Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Andrew Marlowe wrote:

Tempest Bow

Aura strong transmutation; CL 12th
Slot none; Price 79,700 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Carved in the shape of stylized storm clouds and gusting winds, this +3 composite longbow (+3 Str) is enameled in roiling blue-greens and grays. When an arrow is nocked and the bow drawn the wielder's clothes flutter about as if caught in a strong wind.

Three times per day, a tempest bow can fire an arrow with hurricane force. The wielder makes a standard attack roll as a full round action. All creatures Medium size or smaller in a 100 foot line along the trajectory of the attack may be blown away as if they had been caught in a hurricane wind. If the attack roll is successful the target takes an additional 1d6 points of damage and suffers a penalty to all checks to resist being blown away equal to the wielder’s Strength modifier. An arrow fired from a tempest bow while this power is active is destroyed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, control weather or control winds; Cost 40,200 gp

*Would have been more interesting if the bow had something tempesty when it isn't using its 3/day ability, like shock.

*When using the 3/day ability, is your Strength modifier limited to +3 in adjusting the DC to resist being blown away? Given that the bow has a limited Str modifier it allows, it would seem to make sense, but if so, it certainly isn't specified.

*While it was close to something more interesting, as-is it's just a bow with a 3/day spell-ish power.


Here's my item; I'd appreciate any feedback people are willing to give.

Aegis of the Martyr
Aura moderate abjuration; CL 10th
Slot shield; Price 18,000 gp; Weight 6 lbs.
Description
This +2 rallying heavy steel shield is reinforced with Elysian bronze, and usually decorated with the crest of a knightly or religious order dedicated to principles of protection, devotion, and self-sacrifice. Once per day, the bearer of the shield may activate it to place a protective ward over nearby allies, placing his own life on the line to guard his charges. Allies within 30 feet of the shieldbearer gain a +1 sacred bonus to AC and saving throws, and reduce all damage they take by 10 points per attack. When the ward has prevented a number of hit points of damage equal to the wearer’s maximum hit points or 100 (whichever comes first), or when one minute has passed, the effect ends. The bearer of the aegis immediately takes damage equal to the total damage prevented by the shield.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, hero’s defiance, shield other; Cost 9,000 gp

I know I messed up two things already:

1. Forgot to include the price of the masterwork shield in the price; it shouldn't be twice the cost of the item.

2. Forgot to include the requirements for the rallying property.

Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Lucus Palosaari wrote:

Inspired by forum regulars like GM_Solspiral and his annual "I will critique all of you" dedicated threads, I plan on doing something similar this year. I'll start it off with a blogpost at fatgoblingames.com tomorrow morning <I'll try to edit in a link here when I post tomorrow if I can> and I'll likely start my own dedicated thread like GM_Solspiral and others do to not clutter up this one... but for now, let me toss my own entry on to the pile.

** spoiler omitted **...

*Not really a staff.

Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Thunderbuckets wrote:

I have a lot less time on my hands than usual this year, but I might as well post my item (which got absorbed into the Mass O' Dimension Door teleporters, I'm guessing.)

Staff of Thin Air
Aura moderate conjuration and transmutation; CL 11th

Slot none; Price 64,900 gp; Weight 5 lbs.

Description
Translucent crystal bands spiral throughout this blackened willow staff. It grants the Simple Weapon Proficiency (javelin only) feat to anyone actively holding it in hand. As long as there is at least one charge remaining, a staff of thin air may be thrown like a javelin with no improvised weapon penalty. After throwing, the wielder can choose to catch it at any point during its flight, at which point he is instantly teleported directly to the current location of the soaring staff to snag it out of midair.

If not caught before striking a target, the staff gently slows upon arrival, dealing no damage to itself or the target. If the staff enters a space too small for the wielder, or hits any obstacle, the wielder may no longer teleport to it. Held objects are transported, as long as their weight doesn't exceed the wielder's maximum load, but other living creatures (except for familiars) are not. The staff functions for up to 200 feet of teleportations per day.

In addition, the staff allows use of the following spells:

Bull's strength (self only) (1 charge)
Expeditious retreat (1 charge)
Invisibility (self and staff only) (1 charge)
Invisibility (quickened, self and staff only) (5 charges)

Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, Quicken Spell, Simple Weapon Proficiency, bull's strength, dimension door, expeditious retreat, invisibility; Cost 32,450 gp

*The staff ability and the list of spells don't really work together to make a full ensemble like some of the other staves, making it more just an even-bigger SAK.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

These were just my thoughts during voting:

Springheart - On my keep list. Liked the visuals. Format issues. Underpriced.

Raw Meat Hook - Wasn't a fan of the description or the mechanics.

Shield of the Fallen - Not a fan of the description/history. Spell in a can. Price/cost incorrect.

Betrayer's Blade - Not a bad item. Very simple, but lacked something special.

Warbreaker’s Staff - Found this one to be boring and mechanically unwieldy. Feats out of order. Price/cost incorrect.

Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

meloriel wrote:

Skywalker’s Cloth

Aura moderate abjuration; CL 7th
Slot armor; Price 96,650 gp; Weight 5 lbs.

Description
This incredibly light +3 padded armor is fashioned from white and blue silk. Diaphanous strips of excess fabric hang off of the back of the armor, constantly billowing as if under the effects of a gentle breeze. When worn at altitudes over 5,000 ft, tiny iridescent Auran runes appear on the armor’s surface.

The skywalker’s cloth allows the wearer to continually utilize the effects of the spell air walk. The wearer is treated as if they were one size category larger for the purpose of wind effects, and halve any penalties to Perception caused by high winds. In addition, they are protected from cold environments as if they were under the effects of the endure elements spell. Finally, the wearer of skywalker’s cloth can exist comfortably in all high altitudes up to elevations of 26,000 feet. They treat the death zone, at altitudes of 26,000 feet and higher, as high peaks to which they are acclimated.

Construction
Requirements

Craft Magic Arms & Armor, air bubble, air walk, endure elements; Cost 48,402 gp

*Formatting issues. Price/Cost don't match up.

*The armor part of this item is only a tiny part of this item, and the abilities seem mostly taken from a wondrous item, constant air walk and parts of life bubble.

Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

SteelDraco wrote:

Here's my item; I'd appreciate any feedback people are willing to give.

Aegis of the Martyr
Aura moderate abjuration; CL 10th
Slot shield; Price 18,000 gp; Weight 6 lbs.
Description
This +2 rallying heavy steel shield is reinforced with Elysian bronze, and usually decorated with the crest of a knightly or religious order dedicated to principles of protection, devotion, and self-sacrifice. Once per day, the bearer of the shield may activate it to place a protective ward over nearby allies, placing his own life on the line to guard his charges. Allies within 30 feet of the shieldbearer gain a +1 sacred bonus to AC and saving throws, and reduce all damage they take by 10 points per attack. When the ward has prevented a number of hit points of damage equal to the wearer’s maximum hit points or 100 (whichever comes first), or when one minute has passed, the effect ends. The bearer of the aegis immediately takes damage equal to the total damage prevented by the shield.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, hero’s defiance, shield other; Cost 9,000 gp

I know I messed up two things already:

1. Forgot to include the price of the masterwork shield in the price; it shouldn't be twice the cost of the item.

2. Forgot to include the requirements for the rallying property.

*Price/Cost don't match.

*The new power seems to be a turbo AoE shield other, with bonus types to AC and saves that stack with other stuff and a safeguard that prevents a healthy bearer from killing herself. It's fairly shield-like of an ability, at least, but it could use something more.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8

Thank you all for doing this!

Blade of Unabating Wounds
Aura moderate evocation; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 60,815 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
This +1 keen wounding longsword has a crimson grip and a scarlet crossguard. The exceptionally sharp edge causes the blade to have a noiseless swing, and painlessly deliver its tenacious wounds.

The bleeding wounds caused by this blade’s wounding property are especially difficult to staunch-- a DC 20 Heal check stops the damage, and any attempt to heal a creature suffering from these wounds must succeed on a DC 20 caster level check or the spell does not function. Even creatures with the fast healing or regeneration special quality suffer ill effects from the blade. These creatures’ flesh struggles against the persistent lacerations, and have their fast healing or regeneration reduced by the amount of bleed they currently suffer. When a creature’s fast healing or regeneration is reduced to zero, the ability stops functioning, and excess bleed damage applies normally.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Bleed, Inflict Critical Wounds, Keen Edge, creator must have 10 ranks in Heal; Cost 30,565 gp

Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

I'M INCREDIBLE! wrote:

Thank you all for doing this!

Blade of Unabating Wounds
Aura moderate evocation; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 60,815 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
This +1 keen wounding longsword has a crimson grip and a scarlet crossguard. The exceptionally sharp edge causes the blade to have a noiseless swing, and painlessly deliver its tenacious wounds.

The bleeding wounds caused by this blade’s wounding property are especially difficult to staunch-- a DC 20 Heal check stops the damage, and any attempt to heal a creature suffering from these wounds must succeed on a DC 20 caster level check or the spell does not function. Even creatures with the fast healing or regeneration special quality suffer ill effects from the blade. These creatures’ flesh struggles against the persistent lacerations, and have their fast healing or regeneration reduced by the amount of bleed they currently suffer. When a creature’s fast healing or regeneration is reduced to zero, the ability stops functioning, and excess bleed damage applies normally.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Bleed, Inflict Critical Wounds, Keen Edge, creator must have 10 ranks in Heal; Cost 30,565 gp

*Formatting errors.

*An OK idea to do a "super wounding," though probably not Superstar, and needs tighter wording/design.

*"Any attempt" later turns out to mean "any spell," which we only find out at the end of that sentence. What about channel, lay on hands, etc?

*Also, regeneration and fast healing end a bleed effect, so in theory the sword is unable to slowly annihilate either unless they are a rather low amount (or the party has plenty of these swords). Of course, if it does happen, then for regeneration, at least, the wording claims that it stops functioning entirely, which means you could potentially kill a behemoth, for instance, with this sword, since part of the function of regeneration is keeping the creature alive.


Mark Seifter wrote:
White Templar wrote:

HERMETIC ARMOR

Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot armor; Price 5,415 gp; Weight 20 lbs.
DESCRIPTION
On each of the studs of this +1 studded leather armor is inscribed an alchemical symbol. The whole suit of armor occasionally gives off ambient smoke and caustic liquids drip from creases in the leather.

Three times per day as a standard action a stud may be pulled off the armor and thrown as an alchemists bomb, dealing 2d6+3 fire damage, plus 5 splash damage.

In addition, up to three times per day as a standard action the armor can create an acid flask, alchemist fire, antitoxin, smokestick, sunrod, tanglefoot bag, thunderstone, or tindertwig. If the wearer has the swift alchemy class feature, he may create (and throw, if applicable) these alchemical items as a swift action.

Lastly, the armor gives partial protection from harmful contagions, granting a +2 bonus on saving throws against disease and the sickened and nauseated conditions.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, alchemical tinkering, resistance, creator must have the bomb class feature and 5 ranks in the Craft (Alchemy) skill; Cost 2,795 gp

*Wording issues.

*This gives an awful lot of abilities for its price, and they really are more suited for a wondrous item.

*The bomb effect adds a "+3," which is presumably supposed to substitute for the pseudo-alchemist's Intelligence modifier, but it doesn't say that, and that modifier came from a class feature, so it shouldn't apply for non-alchemists throwing bombs (and in fact, due to not describing the +3, an alchemist wearing this armor can still add his Int modifier in addition to the 3).

*It seems like this armor makes real items that last forever 3/day, so eventually it will pay for itself if you set up a shop to sell them.

*Also, throwing these kind of alchemical items as a swift is crazy good for alchemists.

Wording Issues: If you have the time, could you be a bit more specific? (Re-reading it again, is it the dreaded passive voice?)

Pricing: Yeah it might be a bit low. I was trying to make sure it would see play before alchemical items were worthless.
Bomb +3: Good point.
Real Items: Good point again. I should have added a line about "going inert if not used in the round created" or something.
Swift throwing alchemical items: Only one I disagree with - I mean c'mon! They're alchemical items! It's nice, but hardly "crazy good"......Hmmmm, maybe I should have made it in place of an attack..

Thank you for the critique. I do appreciate the time and effort you are taking for all of us.

Star Voter Season 8

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Here's mine... I have some thoughts on what could have been improved but it'll be good to see whatever feedback is out there.

Chakram of Cyclic Existence
Aura moderate conjuration and necromancy; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 30,501 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.

Description
This +1 ghost touch returning chakram is used by channelers of all alignments. The weapon has a blackened iron interior with a mithral edge. Twice per day as a standard action, the wielder can convert the chakram into positive or negative energy and either strike a creature with the chakram as a melee touch attack, or hurl it up to 150 feet at a creature as a ranged touch attack. The chakram regains its physical form after the attack is resolved (or at the start of the wielder’s next turn, whichever occurs first).

In energy form, the chakram resembles a spoked wheel and heals (or causes) 1d8+5 points of damage plus its enhancement bonus. Positive energy heals living creatures and damages undead, while negative energy damages living creatures and heals undead.

If the wielder can channel the same type of energy as the chakram’s energy form, she can spend one use of that ability to heal (or cause) additional damage equal to her channel energy ability. The target can make a Will save, as normal, to halve the additional damage (which is not multiplied on a critical hit).

A chakram of cyclic existence is an item of balance, and cannot be converted into the same energy type more than twice in a row. For example, if a wielder converted the chakram into positive energy on each of the last two days, she must convert it to negative energy before she can reuse the positive energy form.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Channel Smite, Reach Spell, cure light wounds, inflict light wounds, plane shift; Cost 15,501 gp.

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka MythrilDragon

Alright, let me have it.

Demonmaw Gnasher
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 98,340 gp; Weight 14 lbs.

Description
The massive black iron head of this +2 ominous earth breaker is forged to appear as a vile hezrou demon with its jaws agape. Its shadowy trailing haze reeks of a foul brackish odor from the abyss. On a successful attack roll the hezrou mouth bites the target for 1d6 points of additional damage and the wielder can attempt to drag his opponent, with a +2 enhancement bonus on the combat maneuver check, as a free action. This drag attempt still provokes attacks of opportunity as normal.

On a confirmed critical hit, instead of the free drag attempt, the target is automatically lifted up and thrown over the wielder’s head to land prone in the square opposite its starting position. This maneuver does not provoke an attack of opportunity. This attempt fails if either the ending square or the 5 foot area above the wielder is occupied by a solid object or obstacle. The wielder can not throw a target into a space that is intrinsically dangerous. Creatures unable to be thrown remain in their square but are knocked prone. The wielder can only throw or knock prone an opponent who is no more than one size category larger than it.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, animate object, telekinesis and doom or scare; Cost 49,340 gp

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.

These were just my thoughts during voting:

Ring of the Clockwork Sentinel - So many words for so few spell in a can abilities.

Talon - Boring item for me. Price/cost incorrect.

Celerity Blade - Odd description and mechanics. Abilities seem better fit to another item type. How does it "hide its (the weapon or wielder?) movement from view" Price/cost incorrect.

Outrider's Band - The furry item! I mean who doesn't want to be half man and half animal? I liked the mechanics though. Too many fancy words for the likes of me. Seems like it should be another item and not a ring. Underpriced.

Pg 2 Complete

Sleeper's Vessel - "Favored by" and "used by" down-checks. Weird by unique ability which I liked, but not very useful. Underpriced. Price/cost incorrect.

Marathon Voter Season 8

Serpentine Stave
Aura moderate varied; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 85066 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This staff is composed of intertwining reeds and branches. The head of the staff is roughly crafted to resemble a serpent, fangs bared.

Neutralize poison (1 charge)
Poison (1 charge)
Slay living (3 charges)

As a standard action the wielder of a serpentine stave can expend one or two charges from the staff and drop it in an unoccupied adjacent square to animate the staff for one minute. While animated the staff has the stats of an iron cobra without the find target special quality and with an intelligence score of 0. If two charges were expended, the staff is treated as either an adamantine cobra or mithral cobra. When animated, the staff is automatically filled with 3 doses of black adder venom. The staff is mindless and incapable of acting unless its owner spends a move action to command it in any given round.

While animated, the staff can expend charges stored within it to cast neutralize poison, poison, and slay living as if it were being wielded. The staff uses its own caster level and the relevant casting stat of its owner to determine the strength and save DCs of the spells.
If the staff is reduced to 0 or fewer hit points while animated the staff reverts to an inanimate state and cannot be animated again for 24 hours. If the staff is reduced to 0 or fewer hit points while not animated, it is destroyed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, animate objects, neutralize poison, poison, slay living; Cost 42533 gp

Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Joe Mashuga wrote:

Here's mine... I have some thoughts on what could have been improved but it'll be good to see whatever feedback is out there.

Chakram of Cyclic Existence
Aura moderate conjuration and necromancy; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 30,501 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.

Description
This +1 ghost touch returning chakram is used by channelers of all alignments. The weapon has a blackened iron interior with a mithral edge. Twice per day as a standard action, the wielder can convert the chakram into positive or negative energy and either strike a creature with the chakram as a melee touch attack, or hurl it up to 150 feet at a creature as a ranged touch attack. The chakram regains its physical form after the attack is resolved (or at the start of the wielder’s next turn, whichever occurs first).

In energy form, the chakram resembles a spoked wheel and heals (or causes) 1d8+5 points of damage plus its enhancement bonus. Positive energy heals living creatures and damages undead, while negative energy damages living creatures and heals undead.

If the wielder can channel the same type of energy as the chakram’s energy form, she can spend one use of that ability to heal (or cause) additional damage equal to her channel energy ability. The target can make a Will save, as normal, to halve the additional damage (which is not multiplied on a critical hit).

A chakram of cyclic existence is an item of balance, and cannot be converted into the same energy type more than twice in a row. For example, if a wielder converted the chakram into positive energy on each of the last two days, she must convert it to negative energy before she can reuse the positive energy form.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Channel Smite, Reach Spell, cure light wounds, inflict light wounds, plane shift; Cost 15,501 gp.

*Formatting and wording issues.

*Another weapon that heals its target.

*It's basically a ranged CLW or ILW.

Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Here's mine (though I think I made a slight in-submission modification or two).

Staff of Strategems
Aura faint divination and enchantment; CL 8th
Slot none; Price 25,600 gp; Weight 7 lbs.
Description
This teakwood staff is commonly capped at either end by an iron fleur-de-lis, though wielders often replace them with finials of their own heraldic design. Once per combat, this +1/+1 quarterstaff allows the wielder to ready an action as a move action, rather than a standard action.
In addition, this staff also allows the use of the following spells:

  • Bestow weapon proficiency (1 charge)
  • Lock gaze (1 charge)
  • Tactical acumen (1 charge)
  • Coordinated effort (2 charges)

    Construction
    Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Craft Staff, bestow weapon proficiency, coordinated effort, lock gaze, tactical acumen; Cost 12,800 gp

    Self-Analysis:

    Spoiler:
    As I often do, I recognize I missed out on visuals with this, and I certainly had space for it. What I was trying to go for was, essentially, a staff for martial casters. It was very tough finding spells that could be used cross-class that way though (and I ended up adding one not on a "shared" list, but that could be UMD'd I rationalized). Ultimately, I wanted something that wouldn't be spellcasty so much as tactical support. I went back and forth on the "non-spell" ability, and am still not quite certain I am happy with it. The whole thing was mainly an exercise in design that way, and so any criticisms that can assist in fine-tuning are much appreciated!

  • Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

    Andrew Black wrote:

    Alright, let me have it.

    Demonmaw Gnasher
    Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
    Slot none; Price 98,340 gp; Weight 14 lbs.

    Description
    The massive black iron head of this +2 ominous earth breaker is forged to appear as a vile hezrou demon with its jaws agape. Its shadowy trailing haze reeks of a foul brackish odor from the abyss. On a successful attack roll the hezrou mouth bites the target for 1d6 points of additional damage and the wielder can attempt to drag his opponent, with a +2 enhancement bonus on the combat maneuver check, as a free action. This drag attempt still provokes attacks of opportunity as normal.

    On a confirmed critical hit, instead of the free drag attempt, the target is automatically lifted up and thrown over the wielder’s head to land prone in the square opposite its starting position. This maneuver does not provoke an attack of opportunity. This attempt fails if either the ending square or the 5 foot area above the wielder is occupied by a solid object or obstacle. The wielder can not throw a target into a space that is intrinsically dangerous. Creatures unable to be thrown remain in their square but are knocked prone. The wielder can only throw or knock prone an opponent who is no more than one size category larger than it.

    Construction
    Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, animate object, telekinesis and doom or scare; Cost 49,340 gp

    *Some of these abilities are kind of cool, and they clearly fit with each other

    *But they don't at all fit with the theme of the hezrou's maw. Instead it's more about moving the opponent around.

    Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

    William-Scott Hathaway wrote:

    Serpentine Stave

    Aura moderate varied; CL 11th
    Slot none; Price 85066 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
    Description
    This staff is composed of intertwining reeds and branches. The head of the staff is roughly crafted to resemble a serpent, fangs bared.

    Neutralize poison (1 charge)
    Poison (1 charge)
    Slay living (3 charges)

    As a standard action the wielder of a serpentine stave can expend one or two charges from the staff and drop it in an unoccupied adjacent square to animate the staff for one minute. While animated the staff has the stats of an iron cobra without the find target special quality and with an intelligence score of 0. If two charges were expended, the staff is treated as either an adamantine cobra or mithral cobra. When animated, the staff is automatically filled with 3 doses of black adder venom. The staff is mindless and incapable of acting unless its owner spends a move action to command it in any given round.

    While animated, the staff can expend charges stored within it to cast neutralize poison, poison, and slay living as if it were being wielded. The staff uses its own caster level and the relevant casting stat of its owner to determine the strength and save DCs of the spells.
    If the staff is reduced to 0 or fewer hit points while animated the staff reverts to an inanimate state and cannot be animated again for 24 hours. If the staff is reduced to 0 or fewer hit points while not animated, it is destroyed.
    Construction
    Requirements Craft Staff, animate objects, neutralize poison, poison, slay living; Cost 42533 gp

    *Wording issues.

    *The main thing here is that the animated staff can deliver its spells for you at range for a move. Not too interested.

    Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

    Cthulhudrew wrote:

    Here's mine (though I think I made a slight in-submission modification or two).

    Staff of Strategems
    Aura faint divination and enchantment; CL 8th
    Slot none; Price 25,600 gp; Weight 7 lbs.
    Description
    This teakwood staff is commonly capped at either end by an iron fleur-de-lis, though wielders often replace them with finials of their own heraldic design. Once per combat, this +1/+1 quarterstaff allows the wielder to ready an action as a move action, rather than a standard action.
    In addition, this staff also allows the use of the following spells:

  • Bestow weapon proficiency (1 charge)
  • Lock gaze (1 charge)
  • Tactical acumen (1 charge)
  • Coordinated effort (2 charges)

    Construction
    Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Craft Staff, bestow weapon proficiency, coordinated effort, lock gaze, tactical acumen; Cost 12,800 gp

    Self-Analysis: ** spoiler omitted **

  • *"Once per combat" is not good design, nor is adding extra spells per round (which readying as a move essentially does), and that's all this item's got other than its spells.

    Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka Jiggy

    Andrew Black wrote:

    Alright, let me have it.

    Demonmaw Gnasher
    Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
    Slot none; Price 98,340 gp; Weight 14 lbs.

    Description
    The massive black iron head of this +2 ominous earth breaker is forged to appear as a vile hezrou demon with its jaws agape. Its shadowy trailing haze reeks of a foul brackish odor from the abyss. On a successful attack roll the hezrou mouth bites the target for 1d6 points of additional damage and the wielder can attempt to drag his opponent, with a +2 enhancement bonus on the combat maneuver check, as a free action. This drag attempt still provokes attacks of opportunity as normal.

    On a confirmed critical hit, instead of the free drag attempt, the target is automatically lifted up and thrown over the wielder’s head to land prone in the square opposite its starting position. This maneuver does not provoke an attack of opportunity. This attempt fails if either the ending square or the 5 foot area above the wielder is occupied by a solid object or obstacle. The wielder can not throw a target into a space that is intrinsically dangerous. Creatures unable to be thrown remain in their square but are knocked prone. The wielder can only throw or knock prone an opponent who is no more than one size category larger than it.

    Construction
    Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, animate object, telekinesis and doom or scare; Cost 49,340 gp

    This was one of my favorite items. :D

    Probably want reposition rather than drag. Might also want a size limit on who you can swing around. Critting the Tarrasque and flipping him over your head (and only needing 5ft of headspace to do it!) seems a little off. ;)
    Other than that, it's a really cool hammer that I would actually consider buying.

    RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Petty Alchemy

    1 person marked this as a favorite.

    Here's some feedback.

    Enlightened Jian: I don't like the stat substitution. People shouldn't be building around getting a specific item to function properly in their role. I'd like this more if it let you benefit from your Wisdom in a less vital way.

    Staff of the Vineyard: I liked this, but it could've used more oomph, more ambition. I wish I could be more specific, but I'm not really sure what it needs.

    Dirk of Treachery: DM's discretion is a red flag for me, also not a fan of "invented/favored by" text.

    Monastic Staff: I like the mechanics of this ki staff (I'm fond of ki powered items in general), but I'm not really sure why this staff casts Blur/Haste, besides the fact that they're great spells. Some more flavor to tie the spell choices in would've been good.

    Jailbird's Sweetheart: Great name, made me forgive some of the weirder stuff that wasn't necessary (virtually begs, requires kissing). This was still on my keep list.

    Raven Leather: Already been said, this is super cool, but the tie to armor as opposed to a cloak or shirt is weak.

    The Wing Smasher's Hammer A cool name that I would've preferred as "Wing Smasher Hammer". Wish this could be thrown to knock creatures out of the sky.

    Honeycomb Cuirass: Delicious flavor. I would've liked to see this more mid-tier in pricing and armor-power. As mentioned, the automatic catch is kind of a big deal.

    Rod of Ghost Teeth: Sorry, not much to say here in constructive criticism. But I did want to say this was on my high-five list.

    Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

    Mark Seifter wrote:
    *"Once per combat" is not good design, nor is adding extra spells per round (which readying as a move essentially does), and that's all this item's got other than its spells.

    Yeah, I wasn't really sure about that readying move. I think I would have been better off trying to work with some kind of twist on the Aid Another action, which is what I was initially inclined to do. (And stuck with a sort of x/day or even charge usage for non-spell powers. Hmm.)

    RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Petty Alchemy

    1 person marked this as a favorite.

    Gonna toss out my opinion here: "Once per combat" isn't always bad design, it's just bad design for Pathfinder since that's not a paradigm the system uses.

    Sovereign Court Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

    1 person marked this as a favorite.

    I am posting from my phone because my internet is having issues. So this post won't be saying nearly as much as I'd like it to. But I intend on follwing up on it tomorrow.

    First, I would like to thank you guys for the feedback given about my Living Copperthread Net.

    Thomas: in my heart of hearts, I knew at least one person would point out the monster-in-a-can-nyness of my the net. And that's okay. ^.^!

    Mark: I guess I tried a little too hard to prevent myself from reiterating existing rules or excessive details and information from sources already printed. Since Bestiary 1 provides all of the information about Animated Objects, including its base CMB, its slam attack, and so on, and the core rulebook has all the info on nets and grappling, I felt it was wasting words repeating any of it in the item's description. This is, at the very least, what was going through my head as I was designing the item.

    Still, thanks a lot! I'll keep trying. ^.^

    Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

    These were just my thoughts during voting:

    Ring Of Utmost Need - Too limited in 1/week. Boring, but useful item. Minor template issues.

    Cryohydra's Coil - Nice descriptive item with a good theme. Formatting/rules issues. Thunderstomp? Price/cost incorrect.

    Arroweater Shield - Formatting issues. Poorly done mechanics. No enhancement bonus on shield = can't have a shield special quality. Price/cost incorrect.

    Thriving branch - Spell in a can and CBM bonus, not much going on. Price/cost incorrect.

    Breakaway Sword of Beguiling - This item was on my DVF list. Very confusing and poorly written.

    Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Petty Alchemy wrote:
    Gonna toss out my opinion here: "Once per combat" isn't always bad design, it's just bad design for Pathfinder since that's not a paradigm the system uses.

    "For Pathfinder" is assumed for RPGSS.


    Jacob Kellogg wrote:

    Re: Catapult Ring—I like the general idea, but I don't understand why it's a ring. What it's doing isn't ring-ish. If it were instead a weapon, preferably a bludgeoning weapon, that could do its thing when you critted an opponent or gave an ally a bop on the bum, it would hang together better, IMO.

    Re: Living Copperthread Net—Liked it, voted for it, unfortunately don't have specific feedback for you. :/

    Its a ring. Perhaps a staff. We have all seen the holy grail.

    "what is your favourite colour?" WHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

    This item was tight in all respects. Top 32 in my mind without a doubt.
    You were robbed.

    Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

    Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
    Mark Seifter wrote:
    Jeremy Corff wrote:

    I'd love some feedback if anyone has the chance:

    Springheart
    Aura weak transmutation, moderate evocation; CL 7th
    Slot ring Price 850 gp
    Description
    Occasionally given as a token of affection by fey creatures, Springheart appears to be a dull green caterpillar tightly curled up in a spiral. When placed into the palm of a hand it uncurls, crawls to a free finger, and encircles it. After a few moments it brightens to a lustrous green and gold color. Springheart provides the wearer with 1 temporary hit point, replenished each morning at dawn. On command it begins a 2 round process - on the first round it uncurls, climbs to the end of a finger, and quickly wraps itself in a cocoon; on the next round it bursts forth as an incorporeal butterfly that departs to carry a message to a specific individual as Sending (but without a chance to fail if the recipient is on another plane.) The cocoon then crumbles to dust and Springheart is destroyed, while the incorporeal butterfly returns to the First World after delivering the message.

    If the wearer should die without having used the Sending power, one round afterward Springheart begins the process on its own, taking the sad tidings to the former wearer's dearest loved one.

    Construction
    Requirements Forge Ring, Virtue, Sending Cost 425 gp

    *I like the inspiration behind this item and the attempt to go for the low-cost item

    *There are formatting issues, and a one-shot SiaC like this doesn't fit for a ring (additionally, it's underpriced for a one-use SiaC sending without even taking into account the faster casting time (or the virtue)).

    *Good mojo, but not on the execution. I'd like to see what you come up with next year. Reject.

    Thanks to Thomas, Mark, James, MechaPoet, and Petty Alchemy!

    I'll definitely work on my rules-fu and be back next year.

    Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 8

    Mark Seifter wrote:
    goldomark wrote:

    Found it!

    Rerouting shield
    Aura moderate conjuration; CL 10th
    Slot Shield; Price 41,970 gp; Weight 15 lbs
    Description
    This polished +2 heavy steel shield is perfectly round and has golden runes engraved ont its rim. When the wearer of the shield is aware that he is the target of an attacl, the shield can become a one-way portal that redirects the attack to another target. Activating this ability is an immediate action that must be used before the attack role is made. The new target of the attack must e within 30 ft. of the wearer and in line of sight. The AC of the new target is used to see if the attack hits. This ability can be used three times per day.

    Alternatively, once a day, the shield's wearer can make a bull rush manoeuvre against one creature to force it to enter a one-way portal. When this ability is used the wearer of the shield gets a +4 bonus to his CMB. If the manoeuvre is successful the creature reappears up to 30 ft. of its initial position in any direction that is within line of sight of the wearer. The creature cannot reappear in solid objects and if no free space is available the attempt automatically fails. When using this ability the wearer of the shield cannot move with his target. A creature can decide not to resist the bull rush.
    Construction
    Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, dimension door; Cost 21,070 gp

    *Wording issues.

    *Yet another shield that automatically redirects attacks. What kinds of attacks does this redirect? It seems ones that require attack rolls, but all such attacks?

    *When the item says "alternatively," does it mean "additionally" or that you can trade the 3 uses of the redirection for 1 use of the super bull rush? Or does it trade 1 of the 3 uses (but only 1/day)?

    *There's a lot of possibilities for how this works.

    Many thanks for the feedback, Mark! It means a lot to us that you take your prescious time to give us some advice.

    I do not want to nitpick, but I will, if a lot of items fit in the "yet another item that does X" category, it might mean that it fits some sort of fantasy trope and a lot of people would like something like that to appear in PF (made by a superstar, of course). Just my two coppers.

    Thanks again, Mark.

    Silver Crusade RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka mechaPoet

    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Mark Seifter wrote:
    mechaPoet wrote:

    I have a number of ideas for editing this, that I of course only thought up after I had submitted it. :) I hope to get some critiques in for others' items soon.

    Honeycomb Cuirass

    Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th

    Slot armor; Price 13,950 gp; Weight 30 lbs.

    Description

    These sweet-smelling layers of honeycomb and beehive husks fit around the wearer’s torso. They have been magically toughened to function as a +1 breastplate that contains no metal and can be worn by druids.

    Always sticky with honey, this armor grants the wearer a +2 enhancement bonus on combat maneuver checks made to disarm, grapple, reposition, steal, or trip when the wearer uses an unarmed strike or natural weapon to attempt the maneuver.

    Once per day when the wearer is hit with a melee attack, they can command the armor to ooze a viscous layer of honey as an immediate action. This does not mitigate the attack, but the opponent’s weapon becomes stuck in the honey. If the attack is made with an unarmed strike or natural weapon, or if the opponent refuses to release their weapon, the attacker gains the grappled condition, but the wearer does not. Only one weapon at a time can become stuck this way.

    The honey lasts for 11 rounds, or until the opponent frees their weapon as a standard action with a DC 19 Strength check or Escape Artist check. The honey can also be dissolved by universal solvent.

    Construction
    Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, blade snare (Pathfinder Campaign Setting: Inner Sea Gods), bull’s strength, ironwood, creator must have at least 1 rank in Profession (beekeeper); Cost 7,175 gp

    *Some of the listed maneuvers aren't performed via a weapon of any kind, so the conditional bonus doesn't work for them.

    *The automatic success of the sticky honey is also concerning compared to the numerous other sticky armors and disarming shields...

    Thanks for the feedback! It looks like people are pretty consistently not in favor of the auto-stick, so that's good to keep in mind. I can see why it could be problematic, but I thought the limited use might make up for it. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, though.

    I think it's kind of funny that the other criticism (from the judges and one other) is about the combat maneuver stuff, especially about the bonuses not applying, since I copied the wording verbatim from half of the adhesive armor quality's description. Maybe I should have just made it a +1 adhesive breastplate.

    Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 8

    Andrew Black wrote:

    Alright, let me have it.

    Demonmaw Gnasher
    Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
    Slot none; Price 98,340 gp; Weight 14 lbs.

    Description
    The massive black iron head of this +2 ominous earth breaker is forged to appear as a vile hezrou demon with its jaws agape. Its shadowy trailing haze reeks of a foul brackish odor from the abyss. On a successful attack roll the hezrou mouth bites the target for 1d6 points of additional damage and the wielder can attempt to drag his opponent, with a +2 enhancement bonus on the combat maneuver check, as a free action. This drag attempt still provokes attacks of opportunity as normal.

    On a confirmed critical hit, instead of the free drag attempt, the target is automatically lifted up and thrown over the wielder’s head to land prone in the square opposite its starting position. This maneuver does not provoke an attack of opportunity. This attempt fails if either the ending square or the 5 foot area above the wielder is occupied by a solid object or obstacle. The wielder can not throw a target into a space that is intrinsically dangerous. Creatures unable to be thrown remain in their square but are knocked prone. The wielder can only throw or knock prone an opponent who is no more than one size category larger than it.

    Construction
    Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, animate object, telekinesis and doom or scare; Cost 49,340 gp

    Loved it! Up voted it everytime I saw it.

    the only issue I had was how specific you got with the type of demon that was represented and how undemon-like the abilities were. I hope to see it in print somewhere.

    Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8 aka Jrcmarine

    Petty Alchemy wrote:

    Here's some feedback....

    Staff of the Vineyard: I liked this, but it could've used more oomph, more ambition. I wish I could be more specific, but I'm not really sure what it needs...

    I think this staff would have benefited from a "drunken" power or something that inebriated either the user or a target. Anyone who has been to a vineyard knows what happens after the wine tasting is complete. Although humorous, I think that is the flavor that could have put this staff over the top.

    Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8 aka Jrcmarine

    Well I guess I will post mine as well for Mark to rip apart, although I didn't survive the cull so I might escape unscathed.... yeah, right!

    Sarenrae’s Desert Caller
    Aura strong conjuration and transmutation; CL 14th
    Slot none; Price 48,830 gp; Weight 4lbs.

    DESCRIPTION
    This +2 defending scimitar appears sand-blasted and pitted from lack of proper care. Upon closer inspection the blade appears to shift and swirl like sand on the desert wind. The weapon feels lighter than normal and glowing yellow motes of dust seem to trail in its wake when wielded.

    When a worshiper of Sarenrae has the weapon drawn and casts a conjuration spell, a mini-sandstorm erupts from the sword, engulfing the caster’s square. This sandstorm protects the caster by providing total concealment against attacks of opportunity triggered by the casting of the spell. The sandstorm does not impair the caster’s concentration, line of sight or any other senses. The sandstorm lasts for the duration of the casting time of the spell and then dissipates.

    While the sword is drawn, all creatures summoned by the wielder via spell gain the sand creature template instead of their normal template.

    Sand Creature Template (CR +2)
    Creatures with the sand template are formed of sand, dust and ash particles from the elemental plane of fire. A sand creature’s quick & rebuild rules are the same.

    Rebuild Rules: AC increase natural armor by +5; Ability Scores +4 Str; Senses gains blindsight 60ft.; Defensive Abilities gains DR 5/bludgeoning; immunity to all mind-affecting effects; immunity to bleed, critical hits, paralysis, poison, sleep effects, sneak attacks, and stunning. Vulnerability to Water

    CONSTRUCTION
    Requirements Craft Magic Arms & Armor, ash storm, dust form; must be a worshiper of Sarenrae; cost 24,415 gp


    1 person marked this as a favorite.

    Looking forward to any critique to help me improve for next year

    Housebreaker Bow
    Aura moderate transmutation; CL 8th
    Slot none; Price 16,600 gp; Weight 1 lb.

    Description
    This +1 glamered shortbow is made from black yew and is incredibly light and supple. The bow has 5 charges which appear as notches on the bows grip. Whenever a charge is used a notch disappears, showing the remaining charges. The charges replenish every 24 hours at midnight causing any lost notches to reappear. The bows powers are listed below.

    Pick: The bow creates an arrow shaped like a lock pick. When fired at a locked object the wielder makes a ranged disable device check to pick the lock as if they had it as a trained skill with a +10 bonus. If fired outside of the bows range reduce the disable device bonus by -2 for each -2 range increment. The arrow deals normal damage when fired at anything else and vanishes 1 round after leaving the bow. (2 charges)

    Stick: The bow creates an arrow with an hand shaped arrowhead to appear. When fired against a solid surface the hand sticks firmly and releases a 60-ft length of hemp rope lasting 8 rounds after which the hand and rope disappear. Anyone besides the wielder attempting to move the hand requires a DC 20 Strength check to dislodge it. (1 charge)

    Shh: The bow is affected by silence (as the spell) in a 5-ft. square for 8 rounds. If the bow is not being held with at least one hand anytime during Shh being active, the power ends immediately. (2 charges)

    Construction
    Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor; knock, silence, animate rope; Cost 8,300gp

    Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

    Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens, Rulebook Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
    Thomas LeBlanc wrote:


    Ragathiel's Regalia - No mechanics for being adamantine and mithral. Very spell in a can. Price/cost incorrect. +3 full plate.

    What should the price have been?

    Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

    James Casey wrote:

    Well I guess I will post mine as well for Mark to rip apart, although I didn't survive the cull so I might escape unscathed.... yeah, right!

    Sarenrae’s Desert Caller
    Aura strong conjuration and transmutation; CL 14th
    Slot none; Price 48,830 gp; Weight 4lbs.

    DESCRIPTION
    This +2 defending scimitar appears sand-blasted and pitted from lack of proper care. Upon closer inspection the blade appears to shift and swirl like sand on the desert wind. The weapon feels lighter than normal and glowing yellow motes of dust seem to trail in its wake when wielded.

    When a worshiper of Sarenrae has the weapon drawn and casts a conjuration spell, a mini-sandstorm erupts from the sword, engulfing the caster’s square. This sandstorm protects the caster by providing total concealment against attacks of opportunity triggered by the casting of the spell. The sandstorm does not impair the caster’s concentration, line of sight or any other senses. The sandstorm lasts for the duration of the casting time of the spell and then dissipates.

    While the sword is drawn, all creatures summoned by the wielder via spell gain the sand creature template instead of their normal template.

    Sand Creature Template (CR +2)
    Creatures with the sand template are formed of sand, dust and ash particles from the elemental plane of fire. A sand creature’s quick & rebuild rules are the same.

    Rebuild Rules: AC increase natural armor by +5; Ability Scores +4 Str; Senses gains blindsight 60ft.; Defensive Abilities gains DR 5/bludgeoning; immunity to all mind-affecting effects; immunity to bleed, critical hits, paralysis, poison, sleep effects, sneak attacks, and stunning. Vulnerability to Water

    CONSTRUCTION
    Requirements Craft Magic Arms & Armor, ash storm, dust form; must be a worshiper of Sarenrae; cost 24,415 gp

    *This entry literally contains a monster template in addition to the weapon, so the entry is not a weapon.

    Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8

    Mark Seifter wrote:
    Haladir wrote:

    Dirk of Treachery

    Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
    Slot none; Price 18,302gp; Weight 1 lb.
    Description
    The blade of this long, thin dirk appears black as night, and its hilt and crossguard are likewise unadorned and colorless. Invented by the cult of Father Skinsaw, and now favored by assassins and conspirators throughout the Inner Sea, this +1 keen dagger strikes deep when its victim is unaware of its presence. Against an opponent that is flanked, flat-footed, or denied its Dexterity bonus to AC, this weapon's enhancement bonus increases by +2.

    When attacking an opponent that had considered the weilder to be a friend or ally (GM's discretion), the dirk of treachery deals an additional +2d6 pecision damage. This additional damage is not doubled on a critical hit.
    Construction
    Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, disguise self, inflict moderate wounds; Cost 9,302 gp

    ** spoiler omitted **...

    *This is a cooler sword of subtlety from the CRB. Unfortunately, while there are some differences, there aren't really enough to justify this being Superstar, though I admit I would rather have this one than the original.

    Thanks for the feedback!

    Huh. I hadn't considered the sword of subtlety at all when I came up with the idea or designed this item. In fact, I had to look it up to see how it compared. Honestly, I guess parallel design is a problem with having so darned many items already in print. Of course, shame on me for not recognizing the similarities to an item in the CRB!

    Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

    Gerrard Dixon wrote:

    Looking forward to any critique to help me improve for next year

    Housebreaker Bow
    Aura moderate transmutation; CL 8th
    Slot none; Price 16,600 gp; Weight 1 lb.

    Description
    This +1 glamered shortbow is made from black yew and is incredibly light and supple. The bow has 5 charges which appear as notches on the bows grip. Whenever a charge is used a notch disappears, showing the remaining charges. The charges replenish every 24 hours at midnight causing any lost notches to reappear. The bows powers are listed below.

    Pick: The bow creates an arrow shaped like a lock pick. When fired at a locked object the wielder makes a ranged disable device check to pick the lock as if they had it as a trained skill with a +10 bonus. If fired outside of the bows range reduce the disable device bonus by -2 for each -2 range increment. The arrow deals normal damage when fired at anything else and vanishes 1 round after leaving the bow. (2 charges)

    Stick: The bow creates an arrow with an hand shaped arrowhead to appear. When fired against a solid surface the hand sticks firmly and releases a 60-ft length of hemp rope lasting 8 rounds after which the hand and rope disappear. Anyone besides the wielder attempting to move the hand requires a DC 20 Strength check to dislodge it. (1 charge)

    Shh: The bow is affected by silence (as the spell) in a 5-ft. square for 8 rounds. If the bow is not being held with at least one hand anytime during Shh being active, the power ends immediately. (2 charges)

    Construction
    Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor; knock, silence, animate rope; Cost 8,300gp

    *Formatting and wording issues. Price/Cost don't match.

    *It seems like a SAK of rogueish arrows.


    All very good points, much appreciated to all the Paizo folks!

    Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

    These were just my thoughts during voting:

    Shillelagh of Legions - Was on my keep list for a long time, but the "legion" thing really got to me with never specifically stating summoned creatures were considered "legion", only implied. Disfunctional spell list on staff.

    HERMETIC ARMOR - Alchemist in a can. Vastly underpriced considering you could stockpile created items. Price/cost incorrect.

    Pg 3 Complete

    Disruption Disc - What type of shield? Wasn't a fan of the mechanics, no way to physically remove shield. Underpriced. Price/cost incorrect.

    Traitor’s Blade - Didn't like the hidden strike bit. Price/cost incorrect.

    Rod of Resonance - Was on my keep list in the beginning. Good description, but no niftyness.


    Blowgun of the Accursed Serpent
    Aura moderate enchantment; CL 6th
    Slot none; Price 20,302 gp; Weight 1 lb.

    Description
    Made from a hollow shaft of blackthorn, this +1 distance blowgun is adorned with the bones of a venomous snake. The snake's rib cage stretches the length of the weapon, while its skull caps one end. Once per round, when the blowgun's wielder makes a ranged attack with a poisoned blowgun dart, the snake's skull snaps open for an instant, revealing a pair of dripping fangs that imbue the dart with a curse as it speeds out of the weapon. If the attack hits, the target is cursed with bad luck. Anytime the victim of this curse attempts a saving throw against that dart's poison, it must roll twice and take the worse result. Once a creature has been affected by a blowgun of the accursed serpent's curse, it cannot be affected by the same blowgun's curse for 24 hours.

    Construction
    Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, clairaudience/clairvoyance, ill omen; Cost 10,302 gp

    Designer , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

    Ignotus Advenium wrote:

    Blowgun of the Accursed Serpent

    Aura moderate enchantment; CL 6th
    Slot none; Price 20,302 gp; Weight 1 lb.

    Description
    Made from a hollow shaft of blackthorn, this +1 distance blowgun is adorned with the bones of a venomous snake. The snake's rib cage stretches the length of the weapon, while its skull caps one end. Once per round, when the blowgun's wielder makes a ranged attack with a poisoned blowgun dart, the snake's skull snaps open for an instant, revealing a pair of dripping fangs that imbue the dart with a curse as it speeds out of the weapon. If the attack hits, the target is cursed with bad luck. Anytime the victim of this curse attempts a saving throw against that dart's poison, it must roll twice and take the worse result. Once a creature has been affected by a blowgun of the accursed serpent's curse, it cannot be affected by the same blowgun's curse for 24 hours.

    Construction
    Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, clairaudience/clairvoyance, ill omen; Cost 10,302 gp

    *Forcing someone to roll twice and take the lower roll with no save for the duration of the poison is a substantial curse that greatly enhances the poison's effects. The price is only slightly higher than a +1 equivalent, but it's worth more than that. Every poisoner would want one, as it essentially takes "Cure 2 consecutive" poisons and makes them "Cure 4 consecutive."

    *In the end, it's also a more-targeted SiaC of quickened ill omen that saves the swift even.

    Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9

    These were just my thoughts during voting:

    RHEUMATIC ROD - On my keep list. Much better than the other item that messed with age categories. Wish it affected skeletal undead. Formatting issues.

    Mimic Skin - Liked the first 2 paragraphs of abilities, not the 3rd. +1 leather armor.

    Norgorber's Lens - Just didn't like the mechanics. +1 stone buckler. Price/cost incorrect.

    Thundering Shield - Odd mechanics. No such thing as a "DC 15 Craft Magic Arms and Armor check". Price/cost incorrect.

    Ring of forgotten acquaintance - Boring item, poor formatting/writing.

    Marathon Voter Season 8

    1 person marked this as a favorite.

    In the spirit of "we learn by doing," I present to you my "wow, I learned a lot by doing all those things wrong entry. Thank you in advance for your feedback. Next year I will do better! :)

    Blade of the Dark Betrayer

    Aura moderate enchantment; CL 7th
    Slot none; Price 22,310 gp; Weight 2 lbs.

    Description
    This +1 short sword has an inky black hilt that is cold and smooth to the touch. Shadowy shapes writhe slowly just below the surface of the blade.

    Up to three times per day, the wielder can attempt to sever the shadow from an enemy using a melee touch attack. If the attack is successful, the shadow is under control of the wielder of the blade. While under control of the player, the shadow provides flanking to the wielder for that enemy regardless of the direction of light. The shadow does not require space to occupy to provide this benefit.

    The shadow remains under the wielder’s control until the enemy dies or the player stops wielding the blade for any reason. If the area surrounding the enemy is covered in darkness, the effect ends immediately.

    This ability can only be used on enemies that have shadows. It is not available in darkness or other situations where shadows are not present.

    Construction
    Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, lesser simulacrum; Cost 11,310 gp

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