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The scene... a sleepy little village where everyone is waking up. The sun rises, songbirds sing, and a cackling goblin shoots one with a sling. Out of nowhere, an orchestra starts up, but oddly no one sets fire to it. Yet.
A skinny female goblin leading a giant vulture walks into the center of town, yawning as she meets her team.
This song was written for my WBG player group.
Twitchy, Medge, Ronk, Gurp and Flamefinger are PCs.
Magga is this weird goblin that likes to hit people.
Grack is gob in charge of organizing the contest.
Gutwad is the local chief.
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TWITCHY
Licktoad town; It's a raucous village.
Ev'ry day
Like the one before
Licktoad town
Full of Licktoad Goblins
Waking up to start...
TOWNSFOLK
Bonfires! Bonfires! Bonfires! Bonfires! Bonfires!
TWITCHY
There goes Magga with her stick, like always
Waiting to thwack poor Ronk again
Ev'ry morning just the same
Since the Gobfest where we came
To compete in this poor goblin town
MAGGA
Morning, Twitchy!
TWITCHY
Morning, Magga.
MAGGA
And where are you off to, today?
TWITCHY
The contest!
We just finished traversing the earbiter
With nasty wires and cutting bits and mud and -
MAGGA
That's nice. Hey kids!
The tinder!
Hurry up!
TOWNSFOLK
Look there she goes that gob is strange, no question
Plotting and planning, can't you tell?
FEMALE GOBLIN
'Cause her bombs are quite loud
MALE GOBLIN
And her bird's up on some cloud
TOWNSFOLK
No denying she's a pyro gob as well
MALE GOBLIN I
Bonfires!
FEMALE GOBLIN I
They smoke!
MALE GOBLIN I
How they are burning!
FEMALE GOBLIN 2
Bonfires!
MALE GOB 1
They smoke!
FEMALE GOB 2
Come see the light!
FEMALE GOB 3
I need six bombs!
FEMALE GOB 4
That's so explosive!
TWITCHY
There must be more than this combustive life!
GRACK
Morning, Twitchy.
TWITCHY
Morning, Grack.
We're ready for the next part of the contest.
GRACK
Finished already?
TWITCHY
Oh, we couldn't stop ourselves!
Have you got anything new?
GRACK
Not since yesterday.
TWITCHY (to team):
Nothing new?
Let's blow up. . . . . Grack's house!
MEDGE
That one?
But you've burned it twice!
TWITCHY
Well, it's my favorite!
Far off distance, sneaking around, screaming Grack, chaos everywhere -
RONK
If you like it all that much, let's go!
TWITCHY
For reals?!
GURP
Heh, heh. We insist.
TWITCHY
Thank you.
Thank you very much!
TOWNSFOLK
Look there they go that team is so obsessive
(As the goblin chorus we can tell)
With a cunning, sneaking look
And all the tinder that they took
They're off to burn Grack's house to hell
TWITCHY
Oh, isn't this amazing?
It's my fav'rite part because --- you'll see
Here's where Twitchy fires the thatching
But Grack won't discover that it's all been done by me!
FEMALE GOB
Now it's no wonder that her name means "fireworks"
Her bombs have got no parallel
MEDGE
But behind poor Grack's facade
Twitchy's tossed a smoking wad
MALE GOB
Much more pyro than the rest of us
TOWNSFOLK
They're pyro like the rest of us
Yes, pyro like the rest of us -- do tell!
GRACK
Your Mighty Girthness!
I'm readying the next challenge, Chief Gutwad!
We'll have the greatest contest in the whole world!
CHIEF GUTWAD
I know.
GRACK
No gob alive stands a chance against you. ---
And no team, for that matter.
CHIEF GUTWAD
It's true, Grack.
And I've got my sights set on that one.
GRACK
The team that killed Squealy?
CHIEF GUTWAD
That's the one - the lucky team I'll be hiring.
GRACK
But they're -
CHIEF GUTWAD
The most pyro team in town.
GRACK
I know, but -
CHIEF GUTWAD
That makes them the best.
And don't I deserve the best?
GRACK
They're burning my house!
CHIEF GUTWAD
Right from the moment when I met them, saw them
I said they're ruthless and I fell
Here in town there's only they
In their pyrotechnic way
So I'm making plans to send them and their beasts as well!
GOBLIN PREGENS
Look there he goes -- Isn't he obese?
Chieftain Gutwad
Oh he's immense!
With all that weight, he's hardly breathing
He's such a short, green, fat and gruesome brute!
FEMALE GOB 1
Bonfire!
CHIEF GUTWAD
It smokes!
FLAMEFINGER
Great day
RONK
The fires!
FEMALE GOB 3
You call this bacon?
FEMALE GOB 4
What lovely flames!
MEDGE
There goes
GURP
The house!
MALE GOB 1
A fire!
GRACK
'scuse me!
FLAMEFINGER
I'll get more fuel
GRACK
Please let me through!
FEMALE GOB 6
Those flames -
FEMALE GOB 7
That smoke -
GRACK
My house!
FEMALE GOB
Ablaze!
MALE GOBS
We're not mistaken.
FEMALE GOBS
Is there more bacon?
TOWNSFOLK
It's burning!
Really burning!
TWITCHY
There must be more than this combustive life!
CHIEF GUTWAD
Just watch,
I'll give that team my knife!
TOWNSFOLK
Look there they go
The team is strange and pyro
A most peculiar set of gobs!
FEMALE GOBS
It's a pity and a sin
MALE GOBS
That they fit right in
TOWNSFOLK
'Cause they really are a pyro team
A bombing, scheming pyro team
They really are a pyro team
Those gobs!
Like fire
Big fire
This fire that we're on
This burning gob choir
Is singing til the dawn.
It's all Grack's fault!
Or maybe Krong's!
Someone lit us house up while we sing this song!
It's someone's fault
That's what we shout
Stop blaming us and look for ways to put it out!