Posse of sheep, i shoot Lion, i kill leader and sheep do nothing anymore.
You like better:
Lifetime supply or ice creamy-stuff
-or-
Lifetime supply gummybears
I think I'd take the fart option. At least the confetti is in my clothes, and hey, confetti doesn't smell.
A lifelong friendship
or
Making a quote for the ages in public and having it noticed?
Travelling backwards. Because paradox is hilarious.
Be transformed into some misshapen horror permanently
-or-
Be enslaved as a zombie permanently
Well, having an 2 extra arms grow on my back isn't life threatening.
Zombie apocalypse, whom to abandon.
Your GF/BF, who's good at zilch but everyone loves her/him
-or-
The goth, who can pick a lock or two, but people find that one eerie.
I'd abandon the goth. I don't mean to discriminate, but if I can pick locks, I'd rather keep my wife handy.
Be launched from a cannon into:
a vat of soft ice cream
-or-
a ball pit
-or-
an enormous pile of stuffed animals
i'll take the stuffed animal pile. That MIGHT not be 'Ice cream", and have you seen what goes on in ball pits? Don't bring a blacklight *shudders*
You're stranded with power, but only two choices:
Cable stuck showing nothing but Romantic Comedies
-OR-
Satellite Radio stuck on Yanni
Guy Fieri. But only because I don't know who Andrew Zimmern is :/
Tattoo'd with something offensive on inner thigh
-or-
Branded with something wimpy on upper arm
Guy Fieri. But only because I don't know who Andrew Zimmern is :/
Tattoo'd with something offensive on inner thigh
-or-
Branded with something wimpy on upper arm
Something wimpy on my upper arm. I can always get it tattooed over with a b&$@*in flaming skull.
Watch porn with your parents
or
Watch porn of your parents
With my folks.
My father'd laugh and mother'd take off.
Being the lackey of a spoiled little rich girl
-or-
Being humiliated by a spoiled little rich girl....every day at tea time.
Being a lacky wouldn't be so bad.
Sign away your soul for a Klondike Bar
-or-
Be guaranteed to reincarnate, but only as a Klondike Bar
Long, happy life. It's so obvious, and I never cared much what people I don't know think of me anyway.
Get stabbed in the hand
or
someone you work with and know, but not well, gets stabbed in the heart?
|
Watch porn with your parentsor
Watch porn of your parents
I see SOMEBODY'S read Heimberg and Gomberg!
Worthy people are worthy people and unworthy people are unworthy people. How close *I* am to someone means nothing, and while I could name more than a few people I'm eager to see stabbed in the heart (not that such a prosaic punishment would fully satisfy me in those cases), I cannot be said to "work with and know" any of them. I'll go with having my hand stabbed, request that it be my damn-near-useless-anyway right hand, and assume it can completely heal/be healed all in good time. There are worse things than temporary pain and injury.
have a savant's mastery of calendars (without any of the limitations that normally come with being that kind of savant)
OR
Have the power to momentarily overwhelm somebody's vision with a Ren & Stimpy-style "gross-up" version of something in your immediate surroundings 2/day?
Mastery of calendars. I would become a member of Batman's rogues' gallery.
Nothing but carbohydrate rich foods (bread, rice, noodles, sweets) for the rest of your life.
or
No carbohydrate rich foods for the rest of your life.
Mastery of calendars. I would become a member of Batman's rogues' gallery.
Nothing but carbohydrate rich foods (bread, rice, noodles, sweets) for the rest of your life.
or
No carbohydrate rich foods for the rest of your life.
Nothing but carbohydrate rich foods...for the rest of my life
Left Twix
or
Right Twix
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Evil. To be stupid is truly a fate worse than death.
Blind or deaf?
Deaf. There is always something useful/beautiful to see, but there is not always something useful/beautiful to hear. Also: Reading.
Exceptionally tall (>7')?
or
Exceptionally short (<5')?
7 ft tall, money in the basket ball business, yes sir-ree.
Being Mute
-or-
Being a translator for the deaf.
Translator, I'd love to be able to do that.
Seeing how people around you are going to die and when all the time,
or
knowing how you are going to die and when?
Knowing how I am going to die. That wouldn't haunt me nearly as much as knowing it about my loved ones.
Would you rather be a
talking chicken
or a
a mute velociraptor
|
|
A talking chicken. I'd make a fortune just being me, I'd be guaranteed to star in a movie alongside Gonzo the Muppet, and has anyone else read the webcomic Goats?
dress like a member of Henry VIII's court all the time
OR
dress like a character from the Flash Gordon universe all the time
Flash Gordon but if I get the theme music
Naked in public one day
or
Naked in the wilderness for five days
Naked in the wilderness, really. Good excuse to put all those Survivorman episodes into practice.
Lose nose or lose ears?
Chinbutt, hey it's considered attractive.
While saving your life via DRASTICAL experimental means, you look like either.
-or-
Anemone. I would better incarnate my squamous overlord who slumbers in the deep.
Swap sexes (male to female or vice versa)
or
Become androgynous
Weep rum & Coca Cola
It'll score me a gig at the local bar, permanently.
Be perceived naked all the time, no matter what you wear/do
or
Be perceived wearing a pink bunny costume, which does in fact still reveal your face, but with pink roses on the cheeks.
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Hmmmm... more difficult than I thought. See, if I just end three religions, making billions of religion-less people, they will just end up finding a new one among the remaining ones. But if I make my own religion, it will run a fair risk of getting subverted into another pissy mass religion driven by anxious people who want to drool about sin and heresy. Nah. The unique choice here is to end a few of the big ones. I'll go with that.
Never doubt yourself,
or
never believe in yourself?
Puns, those can vary on both approach and fun factor.
Being ignored by the one you love
or
Being compelled to ignore the one you love
I would rather do the ignoring
Sun Burn on the top of your feet?
or
Sunburn on your genitalia?
Obviously on the feet, there's treatment for that.
Koko the gorilla
or
Gorilla Grodd?
None of the two above can answer the question.
Koko. It's fun to puzzle out her sign language.
Reign in Hell
or
Serve in Heaven
Hero. -I- would know.
Become a vegan
or
Become a carnivore. Exclusively.
I'd rather be punched out by Mike Tyson
Read the Twilight series from start to finish
or
Watch each Twilight movie during the same time span it would take to read the books.
Reading it, seeing it is worse. I'd read a real badass book after that and repress the series from mind. Letters you could forget, but you can't unsee what you see.
Being bald and in full butler garments, working your ass off under the heat of 38 degree celsius sunlight.
or
Working your ass off in the freezer units all day. Not fridges, freezers.
Freezers. The heat can hurt you a lot more readily than the cold.
The post-apocalyptic world of
The Walking Dead
or
Mad Max