Iron Tusk Homeownurs Inshurance

[Guurzak]

Anybuddy wot's seen a zombie attack knows dat a undead horde can cawze a lot of propurty dammaj. Even if you an yer luvd wunz survives da attak, yer life savins could maybe end up ruint. Recoverin and rebuildifyin from a major shamble kin tayk munths or yeers.

Fortchunatlee fer wurried Base Camp owners, dere's a way ta protekt yer finanshul investmint an' peece ub mind. Come blah wif Guurzak abowt gettin da rite plan ta suit you an yer famblee's needs.

Da Iron Tusk coveridge area am anyting wifin abowt a half duzzin hexes of Gogoblah, give or tayk a cuppul. Anywun tinkin abowt settin up a Base Camp wifin dat area am strongly encurraged to purchase homeownurs inshurance frum Iron Tusk, since dis am a known danger zone fer undead aktivitee.

Strongly encurraged, if you gets wut me sayin.

Strongly.

Nub come cryin to Guurzak if yer pretty base camp gets ripped down and tramples into da mud by a couple hundred groany corpsez, or a big pack of orcs, or wutevver, an you didn't have no inshurance.

You should get da inshurance.

[Lifedragn]

And then the real evil reveals itself... Defer, Delay, Deny! The unholy trinity of insurance practices!

"You tawk ta Bludstump. Me fohwahd call."
"He at break. Bud he kawl ya back."
"Ackerdin our recahds, dere be no undead in you hex at time ya say dis happen. You lie. We no covah lies on you polishee. You should get da upgrade."

[Guurzak]

For dem wot likes taykin da moneys better dan givin da moneys, Iron Tusk am rekrootin.

Lifedragn: please continyoo ta hold. Yer call is importunt to uz.

[Lifedragn]

*Puts on speaker phone to wait*

[Gol Tink]

Does your insurance cover acts of Gnome Engineer? I am worried about that I may be liable for some of the mishaps that arise from frontier research. Explosions, accidental radiation bursts, clockwork monster swarms. You know, the usual.

[braddw34]

this is the best idea ever!

[KarlBob]

Between the fresh-baked bread and the homeowners insurance, I'm sure the River Kingdoms will be a delightful place to live.

"Honey, toss the kiddos in the wagon. We're moving to the River Kingdoms!"

[Snow Dogs]

*Checks fine print*

... wait this lists destruction by kobolds as "acts of God".

[Caldeathe Baequiannia]

Snow Dogs wrote:

*Checks fine print*

... wait this lists destruction by kobolds as "acts of God".

I think you need a new prescription. That's "Acts of dog."

[BrotherZael]

so... Iron Tusks plan to use necromancy?

[Guurzak]

We ain't sayin anyting like dat. All we's sayin is dat risk of nekromansee-relayted propurtee dammajes is much wurse fer peepul wot didunt eksercize reezunabul levulz of finanshul proodence.

Operayturz is standin by. Blah now.

[BrotherZael]

Hmmm. Excellent points...

Well, I see nothing wrong here, I'll make sure to send all the wealthy poorly-armed merchants with over-flowing carts of silks, spices, golds, and weapons in your direction, seeing as you are entirely honourable.

Yes, quite legitimate indeed.