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Player Says: (using Longbow at low levels) I crit again. (for the third time this battle)
Player Means: I'm sure glad I'm sitting far enough away that the DM can't see my dice.
Player Says: What, the party shouldn't be upset that I stole their stuff, I'm just playing my thief.
Player Means: I love pushing everybody's buttons and desire attention, good or bad. Please pay attention...
Special Mage: the Ascension one
Player Says: (attempting some totally ridiculous feat of reality twisting) Of course I have the spheres to try that.
Player Means: I don't know if I do or not, and I hope you don't either.
LOL if I had a nickle for every time a player mooched food.I host a game and provide food for the other players & the GM (We're a small group). No matter what it is (grapes, unshelled walnuts, chips, cherries, tangerines), it will all be gone by the end of the session. I am very tempted to serve Brussels sprouts, just for experimental purposes.
Maybe if you cover them in nacho cheese sauce, or ranch dip, or Doritos powder.
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Player Says: Can I change characters, I've been playing this one for a bit and I dunno, I'm just not into it.
Player Means: I didn't bother building a personality for my character and I'm bored. Let me try X because I want to. Gimme.
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OMG if I had a nickel for every time this one player forgets or loses her sheet!Player Says: "I forgot my character sheet at home"
Player Means : "The single thing I am responsible for, yeah I didn't do that, oh hey is that pizza? Cool I haven't eaten today."
That's why I keep my player's sheets with me.
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That's why I keep my player's sheets with me.OMG if I had a nickel for every time this one player forgets or loses her sheet!Player Says: "I forgot my character sheet at home"
Player Means : "The single thing I am responsible for, yeah I didn't do that, oh hey is that pizza? Cool I haven't eaten today."
If my player's can't handle that very small amount of responsibility, than they have issues beyond being able to play my games, but yes I typically have a planed progression for my players on HeroLab I can generally pull up for them after I berate them a bit.
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Maybe if you cover them in nacho cheese sauce, or ranch dip, or Doritos powder.LOL if I had a nickle for every time a player mooched food.I host a game and provide food for the other players & the GM (We're a small group). No matter what it is (grapes, unshelled walnuts, chips, cherries, tangerines), it will all be gone by the end of the session. I am very tempted to serve Brussels sprouts, just for experimental purposes.
Hmmm... good idea. Normally I grill chopped brussel sprouts and use them on sandwiches instead of lettuce. But serving them with a cheese sauce might be tasty as well; although I would use real cheese.
Hmmm... good idea. Normally I grill chopped brussel sprouts and use them on sandwiches instead of lettuce. But serving them with a cheese sauce might be tasty as well; although I would use real cheese.Maybe if you cover them in nacho cheese sauce, or ranch dip, or Doritos powder.LOL if I had a nickle for every time a player mooched food.I host a game and provide food for the other players & the GM (We're a small group). No matter what it is (grapes, unshelled walnuts, chips, cherries, tangerines), it will all be gone by the end of the session. I am very tempted to serve Brussels sprouts, just for experimental purposes.
Do a fondue type thing?
Do a fondue type thing?Hmmm... good idea. Normally I grill chopped brussel sprouts and use them on sandwiches instead of lettuce. But serving them with a cheese sauce might be tasty as well; although I would use real cheese.Maybe if you cover them in nacho cheese sauce, or ranch dip, or Doritos powder.LOL if I had a nickle for every time a player mooched food.I host a game and provide food for the other players & the GM (We're a small group). No matter what it is (grapes, unshelled walnuts, chips, cherries, tangerines), it will all be gone by the end of the session. I am very tempted to serve Brussels sprouts, just for experimental purposes.
Exactly.
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Player says: Can we talk?
Player means: I have an issue, but I don't like confrontations. Be gentle!
Player says: We need to talk.
Player means: I'm about to berate you for possibly imagined slights and errors.
Hmmm... good idea. Normally I grill chopped brussel sprouts and use them on sandwiches instead of lettuce. But serving them with a cheese sauce might be tasty as well; although I would use real cheese.Maybe if you cover them in nacho cheese sauce, or ranch dip, or Doritos powder.LOL if I had a nickle for every time a player mooched food.I host a game and provide food for the other players & the GM (We're a small group). No matter what it is (grapes, unshelled walnuts, chips, cherries, tangerines), it will all be gone by the end of the session. I am very tempted to serve Brussels sprouts, just for experimental purposes.
I was just joking about ways to get gamers to eat something. :P
That does sound decent though. Works for broccoli, so I imagine cheese can do wonders for other greens.
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Player says: Hi.
Player means: Greetings, fool. There is no turning back now, no escape from this rabbit hole of horror and dread, ending only in the doom of the game and fallout so bad that you'll never want to see your friends again. Then, when you are completely and utterly broken I will feast on your agonized tears.
Alternatively...
Player means: Hello.
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Player says: Hi.
Player means: Greetings, fool. There is no turning back now, no escape from this rabbit hole of horror and dread, ending only in the doom of the game and fallout so bad that you'll never want to see your friends again. Then, when you are completely and utterly broken I will feast on your agonized tears.
Alternatively...
Player means: Hello.
Alternatively, this may be the DM in disguise. ;)
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Player says: "I think our party has an item for this."
Player means: "Everyone else's inventory is for me to use, so I can blow my gold on this UBER WEAPON."
alternate meaning: I am pretty sure that another player who never remembers contents of own character sheet has something that can save us...
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Player says: What alignment has my True Neutral witch/wizard been leaning towards?
Player means: I want an outsider improved familiar, but not a psychopomp or elemental.Player says: I want an outsider improved familiar, but not a psychopomp.
Player means: I have bad taste.
After eating the last one.
Player says: Wait, all these really minor rules would have completely prevented the last hour of plot!
Player means: I'm upset that the another PC killed off my character, and I want it retroactively undone.
Player Says: Can we use Hero Points?
Player Means: Can we have a way to make our characters more powerful then complain when you turn around and use the system against us?
Note: I love hero points and let my players use them, but once in a blue moon I give an npc an elixir of heroes luck and my players tell me that it's not fair.
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Player Says: Can we use Hero Points?
Player Means: Can we have a way to make our characters more powerful then complain when you turn around and use the system against us?Note: I love hero points and let my players use them, but once in a blue moon I give an npc an elixir of heroes luck and my players tell me that it's not fair.
Player says: "That's not fair!"
Player means: "I didn't believe you when you said 'anything the players can use, the bad guys can use', and now I'm pitching a fit because you followed through."That's a long-standing rule in my games and thankfully I've never had the displeasure of the players making a fuss about it.
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Edit: Stop with the food!
Come now everyone loves food. It is the one thing we are all addicted to.
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alternate meaning: I am pretty sure that another player who never remembers contents of own character sheet has something that can save us...Player says: "I think our party has an item for this."
Player means: "Everyone else's inventory is for me to use, so I can blow my gold on this UBER WEAPON."
alternate alternate meaning: Remember that thing we argued about not selling and lugging it all this way because it might be useful? It's finally useful.
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Player Says: I found a rock
Player Means: Why didn't I put more points in perception?
I had said that or variation of (like "look! look! grass!", etc.). It usually wasn't caused by being cheap on Spot/Search/Listen, because I maxed those on previous character, but by abysmal rolls on those skills... The same applies to my players - paladin with 0 ranks in Perception tended to be in top two Perception rollers, unlike Perception-maxed ranger.
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alternate alternate meaning: Remember that thing we argued about not selling and lugging it all this way because it might be useful? It's finally useful.alternate meaning: I am pretty sure that another player who never remembers contents of own character sheet has something that can save us...Player says: "I think our party has an item for this."
Player means: "Everyone else's inventory is for me to use, so I can blow my gold on this UBER WEAPON."
My party had a few of those moments...
And a few when it was recalled that we actually sold the item in question and the player was wrong thinking we still had it.
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Player says: "Oh, you don't play by that ruling? Um... I'm still working on my character concept."
Player means: "I've got to find the exploit you haven't found yet. My character won't be ready until I know how I can trick you into giving me extra power."
Player Says: "I have a race/class idea. Can we homebrew something for the campaign?"
Player Means: "I want something tailor-made to the narrow concept and power level that I have envisioned, and will reject any less-cheesey alternatives no matter how much the GM worked on them."
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Player Says: "Hero Lab must've calculated that wrong!"
Player Means: "I tried stacking something that doesn't actually stack"
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Player says: "Can we try 3.0e sometime?"
Player means: "'Wilderness Lore' looks better than 'Survival' on paper and I've never seen a cleric tank boss-fights."
Player says: "What spells could restore a fossil to life?"
Player means: "I'm getting a velociraptor in your ice-cold world, g$%!~&n it."
Player roars: ""
Player means: "Your puzzle is stupid, I don't have any skills to contribute to the general effort, and I believe 'aid another' is a clever ruse used by GMs to lure everyone into a 'Rocks fall' scenario. Therefore, I will provide comic relief until we reach the next fight."
Player says: "Can we try 3.0 sometime?"
Player means: I want to abuse as much as I can the incredible brokenness of haste and time stop. Three fireballs per round sound awesome. Also killing people while time is frozen.
The first thing that sprang to mind when I read "try 3.0" was Haste. Holy crap that was overpowered.
LOL if I had a nickle for every time a player mooched food.I host a game and provide food for the other players & the GM (We're a small group). No matter what it is (grapes, unshelled walnuts, chips, cherries, tangerines), it will all be gone by the end of the session. I am very tempted to serve Brussels sprouts, just for experimental purposes.
With tofu and a kale smoothie please!
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Player Says (while in Absalom, or your Setting's Super Big City): There's nothing for us to do here!
Player Means: I have no imagination and am expecting for the exposition NPC to appear to spoonfeed me the main arc's next plot point.
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GM Says: "Seriously?"
GM Means: "Shut the hell up, sit the hell down, stop whining about the rules and play the damn game."
GM Says: "No."
GM Means: "Shut the hell up, sit the hell down, stop whining about the rules and play the damn game."
GM Says: "Calm down."
GM Means: "Shut the hell up, sit the hell down, stop whining about the rules and play the damn game."
GM Says: "Shut the hell up, sit the hell down, stop whining about the rules and play the damn game."
GM Means: "Get the hell out of my house and don't come back, you loser."
GM Says: "Seriously?"
GM Means: "Shut the hell up, sit the hell down, stop whining about the rules and play the damn game."GM Says: "No."
GM Means: "Shut the hell up, sit the hell down, stop whining about the rules and play the damn game."GM Says: "Calm down."
GM Means: "Shut the hell up, sit the hell down, stop whining about the rules and play the damn game."GM Says: "Shut the hell up, sit the hell down, stop whining about the rules and play the damn game."
GM Means: "Get the hell out of my house and don't come back, you loser."
GM ones are a separate thread, but I can dig it. :)
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Player Says (while in Absalom, or your Setting's Super Big City): There's nothing for us to do here!
Player Means: I have no imagination and am expecting for the exposition NPC to appear to spoonfeed me the main arc's next plot point.
I had this experience in a White Wolf game I ran. The characters, originally from Cleveland, were visiting Tokyo. One was stealing a spirit possessed ancient sword from Yakuza vampires. One was freeing captured yokai while battling a corrupted dragon. One was sitting in the hotel complaining there was nothing to do...
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Player says: "Does a 17 hit?"
DM says: "No."
Player says: "Wait, the Bard is still singing right? With another +2 that makes 19. Does that hit?"
DM says: "No."
Player says: "Oh wait, forgot to add in the flanking bonus. Does a 21 hit?"
DM says: "No."
Player says: "Again sorry, and my new sword is master work. Does a 22 hit?"
DM says: "Yes."Player means: "Well everyone, now we finally know what AC the enemy is."
I figured out when that happens. So I have them miss then. And if they hit later, I say "circumstance bonus". If they ask for what I say "a~$@~!&ry and metagaming".
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You have no idea how hard it is to keep track of who is flanking and who isn't, and whose provoking attacks of opportunity, and what provokes saves or is unaffected by aoe attacks when the GM refuses to use a grid.
Its like OF COURSE NO ONE KNOWS THEIR BONUSES. NO ONE ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT THE BATTLEFIELD LOOKS LIKE, OR WHATS GOING ON BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO ACTUALLY PUT IT ON A SHEET FOR US ALL TO LOOK AT.
You would perfectly know what is happening if you were listening to my literary-brilliant, tactically-comprehensive, hour long description before the combat!
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You have no idea how hard it is to keep track of who is flanking and who isn't, and whose provoking attacks of opportunity, and what provokes saves or is unaffected by aoe attacks when the GM refuses to use a grid.
Its like OF COURSE NO ONE KNOWS THEIR BONUSES. NO ONE ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT THE BATTLEFIELD LOOKS LIKE, OR WHATS GOING ON BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO ACTUALLY PUT IT ON A SHEET FOR US ALL TO LOOK AT.
*shrugs* I do this, keep track of all this, and have had few if any complaints. Works fine if you've got good communication and a good general map in your head.
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To be fair
The mist one could actually have changed, mist does that, usually in the other direction bu tstill
The rest of that is insane
On a related note I had a DM change a tree from 200ft to 2 miles (not a matter of forgetting this DM is meticulous, magic was involved)