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Order 66


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1,801 to 1,844 of 1,844 << first < prev | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | next > last >>

I summon a horde of Bezoses, who offer free delivery on all JDTV's severed body parts for only £7.99 a month.

Scarab Sages

I sell Pulg some acid tabs for him to drop in his eyes.

I neglect to mention they're sulfuric acid, not LSD.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I speak the good counts true name summoning him to my side, well, well, well. Aren't you supposed to be at an auction?. I then throw the bloodnado into space thus killing it.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16

1 person marked this as a favorite.

With a pencil......yeah....you know what I mean.


No, actually I don't

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16

Edited above


thank you.
Turns Mark Thomas 66 into *new* home brand of pencil, thus killing him


Cool! I wanna transform people too!

*turns ADM into a corpse.

Sovereign Court

*Bites Sissyl then throws her out into the sunlight.*

While I'm at it.

*Throws the corpse that was ADM outside as well.*


*With a wave of his hairy finger, changes the Count into a vampire Plaludlin, then watches him Turn himself*


I thoroughly hose down Pulg, and the extra weight of the water soaked into his hair is so great that it flattens him into a pancake.

Scarab Sages

I emit a high-pitched shriek that shatters GM MacShack's brain-dome. Simple enough.


*hands IHIYC a present, wrapped in red paper, with a yellow ribbon*

Here you go!

*takes a step back and puts her fingers in her ears*

Why don't you open it? It's going to be a surprise! I guarantee it!

*waits*

*sees the present quietly laid at her feet*

*presses the remote for the detonator, bathing the entire area in annihilating fire, except the area shielded by the force field from the present*

*whistles*


Dumps a truckload of those packing popcorn things that statically cling to you. She's so busy trying to wipe those things off that she doesn't notice where she's walking, and she falls into a very giant thermometer full of mercury with no way of getting out of the slippery tube. To make matters worse, I stand outside of the glass observing, "hmm looks like temperatures are heating up with a slight chance of Sissyl."


I lick JTDV and let nature take it's course.

Scarab Sages

I throw an atomic pineapple at GoatToucher.


I catch it, stuff it into Hitler, and tuck them both in the closet.

Silver Crusade

*impales GoatToucher on the prow of a pirate ship*

YAAAAR!!!


Crushes Xasay Xyu under the weight of a SuperJumbo Jet.


I beat JTD to death with a fistful of mouldy Bratwurst.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

That would be the wurst way to go.
Pulg dies from the pun.


:removes trousers:

:sits upon GM_MS:

:breaths deeply:

:slowly descends until GM_MS's casing is completely... absorbed:

:shudders softly, smiling:

:stands, replaces trousers:

Scarab Sages

*chronomantically ages GoatToucher to death in a few horrible moments*


Vladek Odradek wrote:
*chronomantically ages GoatToucher to death in a few horrible moments*

:clothes wither away, hair and fingernails grow, but remains otherwise unchanged:

:V_O concentrates, redoubling his efforts to no avail, until the strain gives him a fatal aneurism:

Jambi! Bring the trimmers!

:still naked:

Scarab Sages

Hello, friends! Behold, for I have cleverly substituted Master GoatToucher's faithful Jambi with a clockwork facsimile rigged from head to toe with high explosives! Let us see if he notices...!


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While I have swapped Tvashtri's rubber ducky with an extra poisonous Portuguese Man O'War, and it's BATHTIME!


I set fire to Pulg, spreading a huge toxic cloud of burning hair gas.


I trap Sissyl in the warehouse in which she torched Pulg. The ensuing toxic cloud of burning hair gas asphyxiates her and, you guessed it, she dies.


Tvashtri Abdul-Khasis wrote:
Hello, friends! Behold, for I have cleverly substituted Master GoatToucher's faithful Jambi with a clockwork facsimile rigged from head to toe with high explosives! Let us see if he notices...!

Oh, hello, Jambi... I say! Who removed the high explosives I rigged Jambi with from head to toe and placed them on a clockwork facsimile? The nerve!

:tremendous explosion:

:smoke clears:

:still nude, but with excess hair and fingernails blown away:

Ah. Excellent.

:turns on back porch light, which irresistibly draws JTD towards it, heedless of the pack of starving hyenas living under the deck:

:JTD is quickly devoured, and somewhat more gradually digested and excreted. Jambi collects and disposes of the remains:


Feeling that, this time, GoatToucher has gone too far, I contract out his inevitable demise to the Tap-Dancing Murderers.


After sniping GT from a looooong way away (really, is there another choice?) and doing a bit of a tap-dance about it, I return to Pulg for my pay: Pulg's spine. (I assume he has one under all that hair.)

The Exchange

I garrote Sissyl from behind with those cloth strips she has on her head-spikes. Simple, efficient, and clean.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I fly Sirius Sa'luk to the Sahara and remove his umbrella. The sun cooks him to his death in minutes (not hours...he doesn't even survive to brunch). His death becomes legend to the native peoples who refer to the one who was Serious Sad'Luck.


I boil JTDV and serve his carcass, carapace split down the middle, with melted butter.

Scarab Sages

I smash GoatToucher's melon-like head with a Gallagher mallet.

Sovereign Court

IHIYC is unaware that I unscrewed the mallet head.

Scarab Sages

Of course, Count Reiner Heydrich had no way of knowing that I'd previously stuffed that mallet head with Gilroy's finest garlic for, as they say, "reasons."


IHIYC is unaware that I replaced that mallet head with HIM while he wasn't paying attention.


I "drown" Pulg by placing a rather large watermelon over his head.


I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:
I smash GoatToucher's melon-like head with a Gallagher mallet.

I'm pretty sure that's not the first time you have done that...

Oh. Ahem.

I set JTDV on fire.


After we have discovered into which one of our trombones GoatToucher has chased Dr. Verrukte, we superglue a plunger mute into the bell, pour boiling water down the mouthpiece, then walk away, whistling innocently.


I hire Pulg's Fairy Trombone Orchestra to play in Hell for Satan himself. As Satan invented the trombone to mess with the humans, he is not amused at the fact that it is now being directed towards him. Thus, the entire orchestra is burned to a crispy crème.


I introduce JTDV to the true meaning of a "Fairy Trombone".

There are no survivors.


What fun! I take GoatToucher on a ski trip! Woo-hoo! Through industrial grade car washes! He eventually succumbs to the cleanliness.

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