DM says / DM means


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bulbaquil wrote:
Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of GMs houserule (possibly unknowingly, in a de facto sort of way) that native outsiders count as humanoids rather than outsiders for things like disguise self, enlarge person, etc., unless you really would rather your undine disguise himself as a balor rather than an elf.

Change the native outsiders in question to Humanoid (Planetouched)... and you rid yourself of a LOT of problems.

Just sayin'...

GM says: *rolls die* "The monster attacks you for... what was your AC again?"
GM means: "Well, you're gonna get hit anyway, I just need a target number to make up."


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Chyrone wrote:


Carnival of tears, my fighter crits a brownie and got the privilege to describe in detail what it looked like.

I crited a brownie just a while ago, it was served with vanilla ice cream and delicious. ;-)


Sweet.

In double the meaning now ;)
That crit was indeed done with a scythe. I love it when it crits.


Rynjin wrote:
Westphalian_Musketeer wrote:


DM says: "Upon impaling the vampire on your sword, he looks at you and slides along it to get closer to you, roll a reflex save."
DM means: "Dang it I spend three weeks designing this guy so he could bite and infect one of you so I have a plot hook to find the cure, but the fighter had to get a critical with his scythe."
WEEEOOOOO WEEEEOOOOO my Continuity Alarm is going off!

Who says you can't have two separate martials in a party?

The Exchange

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GM says: You enter a forest.
GM means: Trees are easy to draw on my battle map! Prepare to marvel at my circle-drawing skills!

GM says: Here's my (written) house rule.
GM says: Like the hydra, every loophole that I close will create two new ones.

GM says: Here's my (unwritten) house rule.
GM says: Like the doppelganger, my house rule will take on any shape in order to frustrate you.


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GM says: "I regularly have groups with paladins in them."
GM means: "I have lost all will to put even a remotely puzzling ethical dilemma in my campaigns."

GM says: "I allow chaotic evil characters."
GM means: "I keep my town guards well-leveled so they can deal with chaotic-stupid."

GM says: "The large rat bites the ratfolk ranger."
GM means: "Our party now has a ratfolk wererat if they don't catch on. Now I have to figure out how to describe the transformation."

GM says: "The genie says that he will grant the party one wish."
GM means: "I really want somebody to need to roll a healer, but killing someone in combat is just so passé."


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Westphalian_Musketeer wrote:

GM says: "I regularly have groups with paladins in them."

GM means: "I have lost all will to put even a remotely puzzling ethical dilemma in my campaigns."

Alternately means: "I've decided not to troll my Paladins anymore and just let them play the game." :P

GM says: "The bar maid seems incredibly taken with you."
GM means: "SHE'S A SUCCUBUS!"


Spook205 wrote:
GM Says: Third Party Materials are all allowed with no vetting.

Wait, you're saying such a GM actually exists out there?

You claim that the legendary super GM isn't just a legend?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

GM Says: Oh, you want to play something non-core? I'll think about it.

GM Means: Oh, you want to play something non-core? Well, f*** you then.
I'll refuse to say "yes or no" for the next year or so to get your hopes up, then crush them the moment your mind falters even a bit.

GM Says: Maybe.

GM Means: Yes, if it involves you guys suffering more. If not, then it's a no.

Silver Crusade

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Icyshadow wrote:
Spook205 wrote:
GM Says: Third Party Materials are all allowed with no vetting.

Wait, you're saying such a GM actually exists out there?

You claim that the legendary super GM isn't just a legend?

Indeed. I have seen this poor, foolish but well meaning creature. I then saw him deluged beneath a sea of poorly developed feats and unbalanced third party materials and some guy who wrote his own documents with his own feats and then said it was 'third party' since he himself (a third party) wrote it.

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32

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That's 'second party', actually.

Sovereign Court

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Hey it's a party :D weee

Grand Lodge

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GM says: "So you're rolling up a witch?"
GM means: "Let me erase these 'humans' and write 'half-elves' for my NPCs."

The Exchange

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GM says: Something is scratching at the other side of the door! Roll for initiative!
GM means: I'm about to trick you into wasting buff spells and rage rounds on something harmless.

GM says: I didn't think you'd notice that clue.
GM means: After all, you walked right past my first four clues, all of which were bigger and more obvious than this one.

GM says: Wandering monsters appear.
GM means: That boring stuff you were doing began to bore me.


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Lincoln Hills wrote:

GM says: Wandering monsters appear.

GM means: That boring stuff you were doing began to bore me.

Sometimes, PC discussions are valuable character and story development, or excellent tactical planning.

Sometimes, it's just a bunch of players mewling in fear because they aren't guaranteed success.

One, you let happen. The other, you punish indecision.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16

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GM Says: "Who has the best Geography check? You? Roll it. 16? Alright, with pure will, you manage to wrinkle the ground beneath you and your allies 160ft."
GM Means: "Oh God why did I start you guys so far away from the enemy archers."


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GM says, "This aughta thin the herd a bit."
GM means, "Just f+%*ing run."
Bill Webb means, "AAAHAHAHAAAHAAAA"

The Exchange

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GM says: The dungeon seems awash in strange mystic energies. Your mage can tell that teleportation won't work here.
GM means: I hate it so much.

GM says: The guards seem astounded when you attack them.
GM means: You're either attacking the wrong guys, or attacking people with some serious backup. Either way, dumb move.

GM says: The leprechaun that promised to lead you to the exit leads you instead to the Chamber of Horrendous Liquification, steps on the trigger mechanism, and vanishes with a little giggle.
GM means: See? I can play 'Chaotic Neutral' too! Aren't we having fun.


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Lincoln Hills wrote:
Chamber of Horrendous Liquification

That makes me think of Mass Effect 2 where you're getting on the Collector ship where all the abductees are liquified for processing.

Still, a nice and creepy setting for an adventure, to escape the chamber in mere minutes

Silver Crusade

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Lincoln Hills wrote:

GM says: The dungeon seems awash in strange mystic energies. Your mage can tell that teleportation won't work here.

GM means: I hate it so much.

Volcano lairs, man!

GM says, "I like the "psionics are different" rules.."
GM means, "I'm willing to trade game balance for flavor."

GM says, "The local speleothems in the cavern indicate that this particular cavern is likely a solutional cave system, you note the presence of red streaks in the smooth limestone surroundings. And oh yeah, there's an orc here."
GM means, "I just read the 1e guide on underground caverns and thought it was really neat!" or "I did my research and I'm going to show you."


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Spook205 wrote:

GM says, "The local speleothems in the cavern indicate that this particular cavern is likely a solutional cave system, you note the presence of red streaks in the smooth limestone surroundings. And oh yeah, there's an orc here."

GM means, "I just read the 1e guide on underground caverns and thought it was really neat!" or "I did my research and I'm going to show you."

Alternatively:

GM means: "Can you believe there's a Pathfinder table at this geologist convention?"


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Lincoln Hills wrote:

GM says: The leprechaun that promised to lead you to the exit leads you instead to the Chamber of Horrendous Liquification, steps on the trigger mechanism, and vanishes with a little giggle.

GM means: See? I can play 'Chaotic Neutral' too! Aren't we having fun.

Taking the characters to visit Melt Disney World?

The Exchange

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GM says: You see goblins.
GM means: You see comic relief.

GM says: You see drow.
GM means: You automatically think this adventure is cool.

DM* says: You see mind flayers.
DM means: You are already dead.

* Technically only DMs, not GMs, are supposed to use these monsters.


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Lincoln Hills wrote:

DM* says: You see mind flayers.

DM means: You are already dead.

* Technically only DMs, not GMs, are supposed to use these monsters.

Yeah, but with a little tweaking to skills and their powers a GM can slot them into PF. I do. :)

Sovereign Court

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Just some DC alterations and a helluva lot more HP.


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DM says: Have you worked out encumbrance? Can I see it on your character sheet?
DM means: Thought not.

DM says: So who has rope? Can I see it on your character sheet?
DM means: Thought not.

DM says: What spells do you have memorised? Can I see them on your character sheet?
DM means: Good (you don't have that crucial one), thought not...

DM says: Where are your characters when 'x' does 'y'?
DM means: Helping player 'x'? Thought not.

Liberty's Edge

DM Sez: Your stalwart band encounters three orc barbarians and their two goblin alchemist pals.
DM Means: .....and the bugbear barbarians coming along in two rounds, and lest we forget, two more goblins and an orc two rounds after that, none of which you heard coming.


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.

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Hama wrote:
Just some DC alterations and a helluva lot more HP.

(Okay, I took a few other liberties, but they make sense and fit in with Pathfinder sensibilities and/or fit with lore for some worlds. Delete the extra two-ish abilities, and change byeshk to cold iron, if you like. Also, I wussed out on adding all the links, 'cause, you know, boring. :D)

((EDIT 2 and 3: Upon mulling it over, briefly, Psychic Senses should probably be re-worked as a psychic version of Scent that keys of of sentience, and the skill bonuses should probably go directly into Racial modifiers. They should probably get the Rakshasa's detect thought's ability instead of a basic constant spell-like ability. But hey, I did this in, like 45 minutes, while mostly watching Episode 2 of Community Season 3, so, over-all, I'm still pretty satisfied. If you don't like the constant mind-reading thing, that's not a problem either, simply move that back to At-Will, and you're good to go... it just seemed very 'correct' to me, somehow, that they would have that. Also, I'd probably lower their STR to 14, and their CON to 18 - true, that'd cost 'em a few hit points and 1 pt of fortitude save, but their save DCs are a tad high anyway, and that feels more like the correct balance point, to me. Maybe drop their wisdom to 19 - I'm really not sure 'bout that, I'm just spit-balling it at present. :D))

Mind Flayer Illithid uh, Psychic Squid-Heads

Psychic Squid-Heads; CR 8
XP 4,800
LE Medium aberration
Init +5 Senses darkvision 60 ft., Perception +?
DEFENSE
AC 21 touch 15 flat-footed 16 (+5 DEX, +6 natural)
hp 92 (8 HD)
Fort +7 Ref +7 Will +11
DR 10/byshek, SR 21
------------------------
OFFENSE
------------------------
Speed
Melee 4 tentacles +11 (1d4+3 plus grab)
Special Attacks extract, grab, grasping tentacles, mind blast (DC 20)
Psionics Spell-Like Abilities (CL 12th)

  • Constant-detect thoughts (DC 18),
  • At Will-charm monsters (20), levitate, plane shift, suggestion (DC 19)
  • 1/Week-dominate person (DC 21)

------------------------
STATISTICS
------------------------
STR 16, DEX 20, CON 20, INT 21, WIS 21, CHA 23
Base Attack +6/+1, CMB +9 (+15 Grapple), CMD
Feats Combat Casting, Improved Initiative, Multi-attack, Weapon Finesse; (b) Improved Grapple, Toughness
Skills Bluff +17, Diplomacy +17, Disguise +17, Intimidate +17, Knowledge (any) +16, Perception +16, Sense Motive +16, Stealth +16
Languages Common, Undercommon; telepathy 100 ft.
SQ psychic senses
------------------------
SPECIAL QUALITY
------------------------

Extract (Ex)

A mind flayer Psychic Squid-Head that begins its turn with all four tentacles attached and that makes a successful grapple check automatically extracts the opponent’s brain, instantly killing that creature. This power is useless against most constructs, elementals, oozes, plants, and undead (as those creatures generally do not rely on their brain to survive), though certain creatures could be susceptible, subject to GM discretion. It is not instantly fatal to foes with multiple heads, such as ettins and hydras.

Grasping Tentacle (Ex)

A mind flayer Psychic Squid-Head has a +4 racial bonus on grapple combat maneuver checks, and may grapple creatures of up to one size larger. Whenever it succeeds at a tentacle attack, it can attempt a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If successful, it establishes a hold and attaches the tentacle to the opponent’s head. If a mind flayer Psychic Squid-Head begins its turn with at least one tentacle attached, it can try to attach its remaining tentacles with a single grapple check. A mind flayer Psychic Squid-Head can attach multiple tentacles to a single creature. It gains an additional +2 circumstance bonus for each tentacle for every tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponent’s turn.

Psychic Senses (Ex)

A mind flayer Psychic Squid-Head has the ability to make Perception checks and pinpoint to notice creatures that it can't otherwise perceive, so long as they're sentient. This means it can pinpoint the location invisible creatures or creatures with total concealment. This grants a +4 circumstance bonus on all charisma-based and wisdom-based checks against creatures with sentience. This bonus doubles (to +8) against any sentient creature whose mind it can read.

------------------------
ECOLOGY
------------------------
Environment Any Underground
Organization Solitary, pair, inquisition (3–5), or cult (3–5 plus 6–10 grimlocks)
Treasure double


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GM says: Floating in the air before you is a red, scaly, spherical monstrosity with a mouth full of sharklike teeth. The thing is at least eight feet in diameter. It has one large eye in its center and ten tentacles growing out of its top. Each of the tentacles ends in another eye. It casts is baleful gaze upon you and roars. What do you do?
GM means: I don't care if we're playing Pathfinder, you're gonna fight a g*dd@mn beholder, d@mmnit!


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Nice, Tacticslion! Though it looks like CMD got clipped off.

Shadow Lodge

Westphalian_Musketeer wrote:
Rynjin wrote:
Westphalian_Musketeer wrote:


DM says: "Upon impaling the vampire on your sword, he looks at you and slides along it to get closer to you, roll a reflex save."
DM means: "Dang it I spend three weeks designing this guy so he could bite and infect one of you so I have a plot hook to find the cure, but the fighter had to get a critical with his scythe."
WEEEOOOOO WEEEEOOOOO my Continuity Alarm is going off!
Who says you can't have two separate martials in a party?

In my experience, the warrior classes are the role that's most likely to be doubled up on.

Shadow Lodge

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strayshift wrote:


DM says: What spells do you have memorised? Can I see them on your character sheet?
DM means: Good (you don't have that crucial one), thought not...

More like

DM says: What spells do you have memorised? Can I see them on your character sheet?
DM means: Hmmm....thought not. Your character is dead weight until the party rests, and you actually bother to list them out.


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Nice, Tacticslion! Though it looks like CMD got clipped off.

Thanks! And... uh, yeah, I guess so. Huh. Weird.

It should be 24 with the current stats, and 23 if you lower the strength to 14, as per my "on second thought" - sorry about that. Speaking of, if you lowered the strength, their combat maneuver would be +8 (+4 Grapple), and their damage would 1d4+2 (though their attack remains the same, as it keys off of Dexterity).

They'd have 84 hit points and fortitude +6 if you lowered the CON by 1 point, and will save of +10, perception and sense motive of +15 (which, by the way, on the stat-block above, the ? at the top by perception should, currently, be 16); aaaaaaaaaaaand, that's about it, I think, for numbers.

Other errors include:
It's supposed to be "Special Qualities" instead of "Special Quality" (at least I think, considering we're talking about multiple qualities instead of just one), "Grasping Tentacles" with an "s" on the end; the last sentence should read, "It gains an additional +2 circumstance bonus for for each tentacle that was attached at the beginning of the opponent’s turn." instead (eliminating some redundant wording); and, under the last line of "Psychic Senses", "against any sentient creature whose mind it is currently reading" instead of "can read".

If you wanted to be closer to the old MM version in terms of statistical parity, you'd want to probably put both STR and CON at the ~16 mark (14 is way to low for CON, and 18 is too high for STR), and replace the CHA and INT scores (netting you another skill... um, I dunno... another knowledge, maybe?); the CHA and the WIS should be the same number as well, although I hesitate to do that, especially if you drop the WIS a hair, because that shaves their DCs to more 'normal' levels, but you've also dropped their saves, attacks, hit points, and defenses in doing so, making them definitively below a CR 8; and if you lower the CR, you're also going to lose some SR, alas, so I don't really recommend all of these changes.

I might change the psychic senses around, but I'm waffling on that. I dunno. :D

EDIT: D'oh! Also, even though it was kind of on-purpose (for time, mostly), I now regret not putting mind blast in a stat block. Ah, well.

Sovereign Court

I gave it agile maneuvers, so it's more deadly.


Hama wrote:
I gave it agile maneuvers, so it's more deadly.

That makes a fair amount of sense. As a racial bonus feat, or in place of one of its other feats? I ended up granting it Improved Grapple for much the same reason: once I realized that it wouldn't ever really use its signature move in combat because, you know, it's a stupid move to do in combat, what with all the AoOs it'd provoke just for trying it. With Improved Grapple, it eliminates the AoOs and gives it the same increase to CMB that it'd otherwise gain from Agile Maneuvers (under my stat block as fully printed above, anyway), but Agile Maneuvers would definitely help if you reduced the strength score. A lot.


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It has Grab on its tentacles. It doesn't provoke because of that.

PRD wrote:
Grab (Ex) If a creature with this special attack hits with the indicated attack (usually a claw or bite attack), it deals normal damage and attempts to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity.

Taking the feats to up its CMB is definitely not a bad idea. But taking them just to prevent the AoO is unnecessary.


Nice! I'd forgotten that. (As I said: I was distracted. :D)

EDIT: In that case, almost regardless of what you do, Agile Maneuvers is definitely the better bonus feat, EDIT: though it doesn't specifically increase the grapple check, unless you don't replace it, but add it.

EDIT: Another mistake: the initiative should be +9. :D

Sovereign Court

Well it has around 30% more feats considering that Pathfinder gets one every other level.


Hama wrote:
Well it has around 30% more feats considering that Pathfinder gets one every other level.

I gave it it's feats according to PF already - the original only has combat casting, improved initiative, and weapon finesse (1st, 3rd, and 6th level). This one has Combat Casting, Improved Initiative, Multiattack, and Weapon Finesse and Improved Grapple and Toughness as bonus feats (1st, 3rd, 5th, and 7th levels - four feats - and two bonus feats) just to bring it up to PF standards. So, it's already got it's extra PF feats. EDIT: That said, per your suggestion, I did just go ahead and add Agile Maneuvers to its bonus feats. Makes it far more deadly with maneuvers (+11) and grapples, if you include Improved Grapple as well (+17). I'm toying with adding in Greater Grapple, netting a +19 to attack and the ability to use the maneuvers as a move action, but that could be kind of cruel...

Also, here's my Psychic Scent rewrite:

Psychic Senses (Su) wrote:


A mind flayer has the ability to make Perception checks and pinpoint to notice creatures that it can't otherwise perceive, so long as they're sentient. This ability functions similarly to the Scent special ability, save that it only functions on sentient creatures within the mind flayer's telepathy range, and is not affected by the normal range modifiers for Scent. This ability also grants a +4 circumstance bonus on all charisma-based and wisdom-based checks against creatures with sentience within range. That bonus doubles (to +8) against any sentient creature whose mind it can read.

I ended up not adding the skill bonus to the stat block because, although there are several abilities that are effectively "always on", they still function better here, and take less page-space to explain that way.

So what do you guys think? Ex (because it's a skill it has) or Su (because it relies on telepathy)? Decent concept/execution? I'm interested in what you think.

EDIT:

Oh, yeah, my tweak for Mind Blast:

Mind Blast (Su) wrote:


A mind flayer has the ability to make a psionic attack. This attack creates a 60 foot long cone of mentally disruptive energy; anyone caught in this cone must succeed on a Will save or be stunned for 3d4 rounds. Mind flayers often hunt using this power and then drag off one or two of their stunned victims to feed upon. The save DC is Charisma-based.


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I'd put the Psychic Scent as Su. It's clearly not an ability that is in any way mundane or normal, and I can see it being suppressed or blocked by antimagic field and similar effects, like 99% of other psychic abilities.


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Mild Age of Worms Spoilers:
There's a mind flayer coming up in this campaign I'm running, and one of the PCs is a grappler. Definitely gonna have to buff up that CMD.

Sovereign Court

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Well don't go for him. Go for someone with low str and dex. Like a caster. A [ spoiler ] is very very intelligent. It knows whom it should attack. And it certainly isn't a musclebound dude with enormous arms who looks like a Greek wrestling god :)


Given exactly who our squishiest character is, I think the LAST thing that [spoiler] wants to do is get between Greek Wrestling God and his pet squishy/girlfriend.


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DM Says: For this game, I want to see a backstory for your characters.
DM Means: Stop with the familyless murderhobos, already!

DM Says: You can roll up a background with Ultimate Campaign, if you'd like.
DM Means: Must ALL your characters be drunken orphans with an abusive older brother?

DM Says: *Roll*... *RollRoll* Hmm.... *Roll* Ooooh!
DM Means: Stop talking about the last episode of Agents of SHIELD and focus on the game!

DM Says: Sorry, [Player], you were killed by an assassin while you slept.
DM Means: I am declaring open warfare on you jackasses. Because screw you all.

DM Says: You must hurry to get the MacGuffin, or the world is doomed.
DM Means: Screw your crafting feats!

DM Says: Play whatever character you want. I don't believe in restricting player choice.
DM Means: I'm going to put you in a situation where you lose half your class features and are completely ineffective for the next four levels. And I will laugh. But as a kindness, I will laugh internally.

DM Says: I'm removing Raise Dead and all other ressurection type spells, because it discourages tactical thinking.
DM Means: Maybe NOW you'll actually think about combat instead of charging forward and smacking every single thing they fight.

(Shamlessly stolen from Knights of the Dinner Table)
DM Says: A belligerent dwarf stomps into the bar, shouting "WHO'SE THE TOUGHEST MATE HERE?"
DM Means: I have absolutely nothing prepared for tonight. You guys just argue amongst each other for four hours.

DM Says: I removed the Monk from my game. It's too overpowered at higher levels.
DM Means: What the hell is a CoDzilla?


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GM says: Suddenly, hill giants!
GM means: If you think I should run the game instead of the usual GM, I'm gonna run it my way!


Hama wrote:
Well don't go for him. Go for someone with low str and dex. Like a caster. A [ spoiler ] is very very intelligent. It knows whom it should attack. And it certainly isn't a musclebound dude with enormous arms who looks like a Greek wrestling god :)

It's not a matter of going for him. The PC tries to wrestle basically every boss he can reach. I'll have to put things in the way if I don't want the fight to end quick. ;D

Since Rynjin is reading, I'll clarify that this is largely in jest. I'm pretty confident the encounter will even challenge Tanith. :P

Shadow Lodge

Gee, if only that type of monster regularly had slaves....


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Watch the privilege sarcasm, buddy. >:P

As it happens, other bosses have had servants. The thing is, this guy tends to let the other melee characters handle those and go straight for the "glory".

And if a single PC can solo the main bossmonster, it's kinda a problem. :P

That said, I didn't post here looking for advice. I know I'm gonna handle the issue, and it's several adventures away still and not that big of a problem.


Kobold Cleaver wrote:

The thing is, this guy tends to let the other melee characters handle those and go straight for the "glory".

Which makes it 10x more hilarious when Farrukh yet again gets the last hit in.


Rynjin wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
The thing is, this guy tends to let the other melee characters handle those and go straight for the "glory".
Which makes it 10x more hilarious when Farrukh yet again gets the last hit in.

I once had a player like that. Until the 'boss' was actually an illusion on a very dangerous trap and the 'mooks' were just buffed bugbear zombies.

Then the illusory wall behind the PC's came down as the real mooks and boss charged out.

That guy was very nearly out of the fight and everyone else was in a bad position.

it was a very interesting panic situation. They still won without any PC deaths. But not with their usual panache.

Sovereign Court

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Ah, putting players down when they think they are on the top of the world. It can be fun.

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