101 Lies to Tell NPC's


Homebrew and House Rules

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Sczarni

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So, you've got 18 Charisma and max ranks in Bluff? Good for you! What should we lie about first?

No matter how good of a liar your character is, it doesn't mean much if you the player can't think of anything that you want NPCs to believe. Let's brainstorm some tall tales to tell. Remember to include the situation you're lying your way out of!

1.(You're invisible, but the guards detected you anyway.) "Thank goodness, I've found somebody! I was sure I was a goner when that barghest jumped me! I had to quaff my last potion of invisibility to try and escape, but I'm sure the beast will be right on my heels! Mercy's sake, surely you'll grant me asylum from it, won't you?"

2.(You're negotiating with a shady character.) "Wait, what did you say your name was? I thought I had heard of you before; your name came up just yesterday when I was meeting the Witchfinder General for tea! He didn't have kind things to say, I'm afraid, but I could be persuaded to convince him otherwise..."

3.(You wanted to play a Goblin or some other "monstrous" race, but the campaign takes place in Sandpoint and the GM insists you "roleplay it".) "I was born an elf, you see, but was slain helping defend a circle of druids from a lich. The druids were grateful enough to reincarnate me into the form you now see before you. They told me of some ancient magic that might restore my original form, but until I find it, well..."


This.


4.(You were caught trying to sleight of hand away someone's valuables.) *smile happily and nod* "You are every bit as good as they said you would be. My name is (made up) Watanabe and I've been sent by enforcer's guild to recruit you. We have the new recruits meeting up just over there *point to random building*. If you are as brave as you are observant hurry there, rap upon the door twice, and show them this letter *hand them a thrice folded piece of paper (which may or may not say gullible on it when unfolded)." If they try to open it instead of walking stop them and exclaim "Hurry now don't dwaddle, your future awaits!"
5.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16

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6. Demonlord Zura, I give you my sincerest apologies for smashing your unholy shrine, but your followers lacked a certain degree of foresight when they planted it behind a door where one could easily crush it. I'm shocked, really! Look at the condition of your temple here! Your head priest really let this place go. If it would please your unholiness, could you tell us the location of his phylactery so we may punish him for this grave insult to your name?

(Yes, I actually did do this)


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7. (Spoken to the target of a tryst) Of course those aren't sores, I'm a faithful Paladin, so I'm immune to diseases.

8. (When caught skulking around the castle late at night) You've passed the test arranged by his Highness. Your awareness and attention to detail are unparalleled. The King will be pleased to hear that his guards preformed so well. I'll commend each of you by name when I meet with him upon the morrow. For now, I bid you farewell.


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Of course I love you.


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9. (When pirates are planning to board your ship)
That's not fair, i've paid him point at random pirate a large sum on the promise you'd leave us alone. I'm on this trip to make money, not losing what i don't even have. (Incite infighting and sail away)

Scarab Sages

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10. (To a murderous prince who plans to kill your love after marrying her in order to incite war. Oh, and you've recently been resurrected by a mad mage via a mysterious pill covered in chocolate)
Linky


Of course I'll still respect you in the morning. (Succubus to victim)


11 (or 12?) [After grabbing the hind end of an extremely attractive bar maiden or waiter]

*Points to nearest person that isn't you.* "It was them..."

Bonus points if you point to a young brat, or someone who had been giving you and your party a rough time.

Dark Archive

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Third Mind wrote:

11 (or 12?) [After grabbing the hind end of an extremely attractive bar maiden or waiter]

*Points to nearest person that isn't you.* "It was them..."

Bonus points if you point to a young brat, or someone who had been giving you and your party a rough time.

Thesing?

Sczarni

13. [You find the bandit stronghold and knock on the gate.] Oy! We just got back from robbing the caravan, and it was full of mead! Somebody get out here and help us carry it all in! We've got enough for a year and a day!


14. I have this healing spell, but it's a special and potent form of magic. It may feel a bit strange at first, but try not to resist it.


15.) "Um... this bottle I'm holding.... What is it? Uh... um... You know what FSCK IT!!!" [Throws bomb/Alchemist's Fire at questioners and runs]


16. Flask of alchemist fire:
"I've just bought this amazing whiskey, here have one. Bottoms up"


17. [To anybody] I'm not a good liar.


18. I love your mother and I just want to be your friend.


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19. These aren't the droids you're looking for

20. You want to go home and re think your life choices

21. I've got a permit for that

22. I said the words. Basically...

23. I've GOT the money


24. this isn't what it looks like. (it's exactly what it looks like.)

25. he was dead when I got here. (No he wasn't.)

26. No officer, she's not s prostitute, she was lost and I was walking her home. (your home...)

27. Warts!? heavens no! I'm... textured, for your pleasure. (gross...)

28. Watch Officer!! He went that way!! (Points and has no idea what's going on.)


29. We totally killed all of those trolls. (They did, he was screaming like a little girl in the corner.)

30. I did not scream like a girl. (yes he did.)

31. I WAS TAKING COVER (hiding behind the door.), SO I COULD KILL THEM WITH MY CROSSBOW!!! (doesn't own a crossbow.)

32. It's Up Stairs! (doesn't have a crossbow upstairs.)

33. Anyways... if it wasn't for my warning (another high pitched shrill, technically not a lie) the party would've attacked and killed from behind. (the rats may have been diseased... maybe...)

34. They swarmed us (there were three.)

35. I took point to defend the party. (Was in the back anyways.)

36. I fought the swarm (still three) bravely and won the fight single-handedly (technically not a lie, though he was yelling "icky" "icky" "icky" with his eyes closed and stomping the ground with his boot, not really a "fight" per se).

37. The battle took it's toll and I needed to rest. (fainted)

38. The party was greatful (laughing)

39. My immune system is so strong I fought off any diseases they were carrying. (as it turns out, they were escaped pets.)

40. Afterwards I found their treasure horde (cheese) and the party decided for my brave efforts and sacrifice they would let me have it all. (No one wanted to touch it)

41. I was touched by their generosity (cried because they were making fun of him.)

42. Sadly though, after that adventure, we had to part ways. (they kicked him out)

43. Now I'm leading an expedition into the moutains. (going home with a trade caravan)


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44. It was an AMBUSH! (actually one unemployed cabbie w/a handlaser)

45. Negative; I am a meat popsicle

46. Corbin Dallas (really a lackey of the Zorg corporation with a forged multipass)

47. It's my WIFE (actually a genetically altered supreme being outside a door where the NPC can't see her)


48. I already paid for that

49. It's a one-of-a-kind ancient artifact (rusty old dagger)

50. I'm sooooo sorry that you touched me. If you hurry, the healer may still be able to help..(when being confronted by guards)

51. I'm really trying to impress the (female pc race) over there. Can you please play along?

52. Yes, it's actually a +2 Flame Longsword....now how much will you pay me for it?


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53) We didn't start the fire!

Sczarni

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54) No, I'm not just filling this thread with references to movies you haven't seen. I thought of these myself, and they would absolutely be useful in an average campaign.

Dark Archive

54) we promise to raise you and not loot your corpse.


55. Of course it's even shares.


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56. You can see me?! Thank God, I've been wandering around trying to get someone's attention. I thought I was dead or something. (After being caught skulking in the shadows.)

Sovereign Court

Inspection!

Yes its unannounced, that uniform is disgraceful. Who is your superior!


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Maps, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

57. Princess / Prince (whichever is the apparent opposite gender of the guard you are talking to), that's an awful disguise! We have to get you to the castle at once!

(Make sure to use glibness for the win. Roll high enough, the guard might actually believe they were magically cursed former royalty.)

Liberty's Edge

58. One day, you can achieve my level of badassitude if you work hard!


59) these aren't the golems your looking for


60. I'm not actually a Halfling I'm actually a thirty year-old human who was cursed into the body of an adolescent disguised as a Halfling so people will at least take me somewhat seriously.

Radiant Oath

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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

61. "I am the MOON!" "He is the moon."


62. No i did not steal your necklace, it was the butler, it's ALWAYS the butler.


63. I'm the new guy, they didn't give me my uniform, i need a uniform if i'm to work here.

Proceed stealing/sabotaging around the place.


64. Hww did we get in? You invited us (Waves hand in the air). (My bard actually did this when we snuck in to a magistrate's mansion, gotta love a nat 20)


65. "We're reverse-burglars. Congratulations, it's your lucky day!"

Throw money at person, dirty trick CMB +500 circumstantial modifier for style, knock them out, proceed with stealing.


66. "You don't want to go in there, the corpse bled spiders. That's also why we burned it."

A long story.


67. Now my child. Your Mom and I aren't going to make you decide which one you love more.

Shadow Lodge

68. "By the power vested in me by the Living God himself, I now pronounce you a Paladin of Razmir! Just remember that if you defy those on higher steps than yourself, you might fall."


69: Hello, I'm Watkins from accounting. I'm here to audit the books.


Chyrone wrote:

9. (When pirates are planning to board your ship)

That's not fair, i've paid him point at random pirate a large sum on the promise you'd leave us alone. I'm on this trip to make money, not losing what i don't even have. (Incite infighting and sail away)

Always did like Asterix and Obelix.


Natan Linggod 327 wrote:
Always did like Asterix and Obelix.

Definitely ^^


70. My father was a demon!


71. I knew that you had a birthday coming up and wanted to make sure I did not get you something you already had. Now YOU have ruined the surprise!

*If you are ever caught stealing*


72. It's just a large wooden horse really.


73. Trying to avoid a fight. Cast prestidigitation to make your hand glow and say, "Slay Living..." menacingly.


74. <walking up to the group of orcs preparing to ambush your party> There are more of us than you think!

75. <The witch upon being asked what she was doing by the well when the village was murdered> You're right, I think somebody did indeed poison the well.


76. *caught in an evil campaign kidnapping the princess* "Honey, I thought YOU locked the door!"


77 *caught in the middle of a burglary* "I'm with the city guard, I have a search warrant back in in my saddlebags. I'll be right back and don't touch anything"

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