The Pain Train: Stolen Lands - The Ode to Varnold.

[Neonpeekaboo]

I'm running Kingmaker, and we just ended Stolen Lands. I have found that I have helped in the creation of a monster that must be put down.

I run games with increased monster HP(Not the statblock standard) and adjusted monster stats (generally +2 to all), whil at the same time the characters are running with a 25 point buy. While it more or less evens out, the higher numbers they see make them feel far superior than they actually are, comparatively speaking.

It also gives them a more Epic and Fantastic feeling. I reward my players for playing their characters.. some do amazingly well, some do ok.

Varnold, Human(Shoanti) Brawler, level 3.
Feats: Power Attack, Improved Grapple, Boar Style, Weapon Focus. Two-Weapon(Bonus), Imp Unarmed (Bonus)

Varnold was a joke project a co-worker and I came up with to pass the time, that has turned into the greatest amusement to watch, whiel at the same time, the worst PC to be up against.

Varnold is best described as a caricature of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Conan if he fought with hands.

When he speaks, he only has an outside voice. When he speaks for too long, his common tongue slips into the mish-mash native shoanti language (Which we call Flaghla).. that is the comical gutteral Arnold noise.

He is not the smartest (Int 8), but he is oddly Wise (Wis 14?). He believes the shortest path to next room is a whole in the wall, and the shortest route to a mans heart is the whole he puts in his chest.

He has jumped off a charging mount, to grapple an Elk and deal nonlethal damage until it passed out, so they could skin it for a pristine pelt, and have food.

He has grappled a Tatzlwyrm and told it it had very bad breath when it used it's breath weapon.

He has grappled an insane bear, and told it to calm down.

He uses his full round attack to deal 2x1d6+4(Str)+2(Power Attack)and then +2d6 Rend from Boar Style..

When they fought the Stag Lord, he yelled "HORN MAN, I'VE BEEN PRACTICING!" (You see, he figured he wrestled an Stag to the ground, so this couldnt be much different.. what with horns and all) and grappled him while the rest of the part dispatched.. well.. everything else.

Staglord could either Spend his action to break free from Varnolds Embrace w/CMB+9 vs Varnolds CMD 24vsGrapple. Or try to attack him..

Let's just say the fight ended up with Varnold pinning him. When the Owlbear mades it's debut (Thanks to Dovan) The player looked up as the Owlbear did it's owlbear rampage of charging, attacking, grabbing, and ripping... and merely whispered "I have seen my future....." I was afraid.

Mechanically, he is a beast with three modes. Sleeping/Eating. Jovial conversation which makes him friends (Auchs, and Mikmek the Kobold are both his warrior brothers now, all through RP), and rending limb from limb. Oddly, the sleeping is when he's loudest, as the player will close his eyes, lean back in his chair.. and scream/mumble in Flaghlah while punching at the air like a dreaming dog.

I love this character, dont get me wrong.. the party has voted, and he is definitely not 'in charge', however they can only really follow him as he does his thing.. because... they're tooa fraid to try and stop him. (ie. He rang the Nettls Crossing bell, and when the Ghoul rose from the water swinging its Ranseur, everyone watched in awe as he start yelling back "FERRYMAN, WHO KILLDJU? OK I'LL GET HEEM, I'LL BRING HEEM, THEN YOU CAN TAKE ME TO DA REEVA")

BUT DEAR GOD does he trivialize some of the better encounters. First Tatzlwyrm, grappled. Insane bear, grappled. Giant Trapdoor Spider, trapdoor ripped from it's hinges, then dropped onto and pummeled. Mite lair.. crouched down, reaching our and popping their heads like zits(his minimum damage even after DR was enough to put them at 0-1HP. Tuskgutter, grappled and headbutted into obliviong. Shambling Mound, ripped to shreds. Dovan, charged.. and thrown from a roof. Auchs, wrestled into submission. Owlbear, beaten to death. The list goes on and on.

Granted, the rest of the party is effective at doing their jobs just fine, a Rogue, a Skald, and a Cavalier wrecking things in their own time.. but is' Varnold that is tipping these scales to be ridiculous..

Oh yeah, the Skald... Raging Varnold, just what I needed.

When we first started this character, we had no idea there was a place called 'Varnhold' in this AP.. so when it comes up, I can tell it's going to be hilarious....

Varnold: "WHERE ARE WE GOING?"
Skald: "To Varnhold."
Varnold: "I'M RIGHT HERE, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED"
Skald: "No, Varnold.. VARN-HOLD"
Varnold: "HOLD WHAT? FOR HOW LONG?"
Skald: "Varnold, i'm tryin-"
Varnold: "IS IT BIGGER THAN A BREAD BOX?"
Skald: "/sigh."

[pennywit]

This dude sounds awesome. I say: add to the insanity in RRR. A large, mighty-thewed man who wrestles bears is going to become something of a legend. I'd be willing to bet that one of the trolls will make it his business to challenge this unarmed warrior. I'm imagining a reskinned Hargulka who has taken feats (or GM fiat) to improve his natural attacks in the same way that a brawler improves his unarmed damage. To seal the fate of the Stolen Lands, he challenges Varnold to single combat .....

[Neonpeekaboo]

pennywit wrote:

To seal the fate of the Stolen Lands, he challenges Varnold to single combat .....

I love this idea, tho the player has already told me that he doesn't want to rule the Stolen Lands, because "he'll have his own kingdom, and wear his own crown". And then I punched him.

BUt yes.. Challenging Varnold is goign to be a great addition. My hopes are that the other players are able to more fully develop themselves in the next Adventure. The Skald is very good at his character, and the Halfling Order of the Paw Cavalier is WAY better than I expected... but the rogue needs to find himself to really pick this game up.

The thing I love most, tho.. is that they've all said this is the most fun they've ever had playing. They have a Kobold henchman, and the admiartion of an entire Kobold clan...

When I said "The remaining Kobold fighters rush in to help you" (Agaisnt the shaman)
They all said.."oh go-wait what? THIS IS AWESOME"

[Orthos]

*slow clap*

That. Was. Amazing.

Sorry I don't have any advice for you. Once you start getting into the midlevels grappling's going to be slightly less effective, especially against bigger things, so I guess let him enjoy it while it works?

[Andrea1]

Start ordering potions of Enlarge in bulk

[pennywit]

If you want some comedy, introduce a mythic spellcaster with Spell Focus Transmutation and the the mythic version of Reduce Person. Mythic Reduce Person knocks the target down by two size categories. So ... tiny Varnold!

[Gargs454]

I'm with Orthos here. Grappling will steadily become more difficult as the party levels up. That said, don't be afraid to throw in the occasional critter that has been built for grappling specifically -- even if you have to reskin it to accomplish this.

You don't want to do this all the time because then it feels like you are punishing the player for making a great grappler, but the occasional challenging wrestling match should actually be pretty fun for the player. Just make sure that the rest of the party has plenty to do at the same time.

Additionally, don't be afraid to throw ranged combatants at him. Sure, that archer is going to be in a world of hurt when Varnold reaches him, but if you pepper the battlefield with enough archers -- especially if they are spread out -- then Varnold is going to take his lumps too.

[Alex McGuire]

Wait until book three, then tell the party that he vanishes. When they complain, tell them "It says so right here on the cover!"

[Philip Knowsley]

Gargs454 wrote:

I'm with Orthos here. Grappling will steadily become more difficult as the party levels up. That said, don't be afraid to throw in the occasional critter that has been built for grappling specifically -- even if you have to reskin it to accomplish this.

You don't want to do this all the time because then it feels like you are punishing the player for making a great grappler, but the occasional challenging wrestling match should actually be pretty fun for the player. Just make sure that the rest of the party has plenty to do at the same time.

He's already grappled one bear into submission...but they don't call them

'bear hugs' for no reason...
Make a bigger, better bear! ;-p

[Philip Knowsley]

Alex McGuire wrote:

Wait until book three, then tell the party that he vanishes. When they complain, tell them "It says so right here on the cover!"

Snort

[Neonpeekaboo]

Philip Knowsley wrote:

Gargs454 wrote:

I'm with Orthos here. Grappling will steadily become more difficult as the party levels up. That said, don't be afraid to throw in the occasional critter that has been built for grappling specifically -- even if you have to reskin it to accomplish this.

You don't want to do this all the time because then it feels like you are punishing the player for making a great grappler, but the occasional challenging wrestling match should actually be pretty fun for the player. Just make sure that the rest of the party has plenty to do at the same time.

He's already grappled one bear into submission...but they don't call them

'bear hugs' for no reason...
Make a bigger, better bear! ;-p

We did, his name is Varnold! lol. He wants to make the owlbear claws into magic gloves that funtion like an amulet of mighty fists, and make the head into a beaked helmet.

I think I might go with the challenge, maybe once an arena is built.. That would be a good way to get him to retire from adventuring.. for a life of battle in various arenas.

He'll go up against a Tetori Monk Luchadore that sounds like Antonio Banderas, who makes perception checks by waving his hand up to his ear ala Hulk Hogan, Charges like Rick Flair, "WOOOO!" And Taunts like Macho Man "<Start Grapple> I got you for threeeeee minutes. Three minutes of plaaaaytime."

[Orthos]

*slow clap*

[pennywit]

Neonpeekaboo wrote:

He'll go up against a Tetori Monk Luchadore that sounds like Antonio Banderas, who makes perception checks by waving his hand up to his ear ala Hulk Hogan, Charges like Rick Flair, "WOOOO!" And Taunts like Macho Man "<Start Grapple> I got you for threeeeee minutes. Three minutes of plaaaaytime."

How about a massive orcish brawler with heavy performance combat feats?

"Can you SMEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL what The Orc is cooking?"

[Gargs454]

pennywit wrote:

Neonpeekaboo wrote:

He'll go up against a Tetori Monk Luchadore that sounds like Antonio Banderas, who makes perception checks by waving his hand up to his ear ala Hulk Hogan, Charges like Rick Flair, "WOOOO!" And Taunts like Macho Man "<Start Grapple> I got you for threeeeee minutes. Three minutes of plaaaaytime."

How about a massive orcish brawler with heavy performance combat feats?

"Can you SMEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL what The Orc is cooking?"

I couldn't help but think "Why not an awakened Roc?" :p

Also, don't forget the Monk of the Empty Hand who brings a 2x4 to the party "Hoooooooooh!"

[Neonpeekaboo]

Oh man.. have the Arena announcer introduce 'The Rock'.. he'll laugh, get pumped up, and then out comes a Roc who picks him up and flies away.

[pennywit]

Recast Vordakai as an ancient brawler Grave Knight with a special chokeslam combat maneuver ....

[Orthos]

Gargs454 wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Neonpeekaboo wrote:

He'll go up against a Tetori Monk Luchadore that sounds like Antonio Banderas, who makes perception checks by waving his hand up to his ear ala Hulk Hogan, Charges like Rick Flair, "WOOOO!" And Taunts like Macho Man "<Start Grapple> I got you for threeeeee minutes. Three minutes of plaaaaytime."

How about a massive orcish brawler with heavy performance combat feats?

"Can you SMEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL what The Orc is cooking?"

I couldn't help but think "Why not an awakened Roc?" :p

Also, don't forget the Monk of the Empty Hand who brings a 2x4 to the party "Hoooooooooh!"

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