You get One 1st Level Wizard Spell in Real Life, What do you Take?


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Scarab Sages

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As a parent of small children, I'd be sorely tempted to take Sleep. I'd have to work out the ethical considerations of enchanting my kids every night, though.


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Tacticslion wrote:
I... must think on this.

Alright. I've have thought on this.

Crafter's Fortune could be amazing to have (especially given the gold-piece-value to dollar conversion-rate) for wealth generation, but I'm lazy and don't want to really work as hard as that would require. Selfish, I know, as I could reliably create Masterwork anything (or help others do so), but there we have it. Said selfishness does help me with my eventual choice, however.

See Alignment would be amazing, actually, though given the nature of humanity and many of the elements of the Faith I choose, I'm... not too hopeful about what I'll see. Thus I kind of rule it out. (If, on the other hand, it utilizes a more "lenient" system than my belief, it would be higher on the list of "yes" because I'd know, more or less, who I could trust.)

True Strike could make even me, a terrible athlete due to near-sightedness and young asthma a great athlete at certain sports. However, again my laziness rears its ugly head, combined with a genuine certainty that if someone of my particular athletic talents began doing something that amazing, I know I would get investigated and either it would come out (in which case I'd live under public shaming), or it would not, but I'd be either under suspicion my whole career ("just too clever to get caught") or be a bad role model ("that guy can do it, and so can I") or a jerk ("no, you can't do this - don't try"). None of those are appealing.

Comprehend Languages could both be amazing (I've always wanted to be a polyglot) and incredibly useful in the fields of history and anthropology, not to mention diplomacy, however its utility beyond that is extremely limited and that's not really what I want to do with my life. Selfish again, yeah. Sorry, world. Suck on my not being bored for life.

Cultural Adaptation could be similarly useful for national diplomacy or other purposes, and I do like getting people to like me, but I'm not confident enough in my own Charisma/ranks of diplomacy to buy that +2 helping all that much, and, since it doesn't allow me to speak their language severely limits its utility across the board.

Unseen Servant! At last something my laziness can cling to! ... ... ... except, no, it's boring, and just being able to reach high shelves doesn't really excite me all that much. Lifting great weights (that Aid Another has to help somehow, right?) is cool, but after a while it just becomes unwieldy to lift all of those things, and, since I'm terrible with names, it would become a chore to recall all the different Unseen Servants I've got floating around the house, and I'm not too keen on the idea of accidentally activating them like an improperly coded X-Box (which has happened to my next door neighbor - the Xbox, not the Unseen Servant).

Endure Elements is great for someone of my particular constitution (i.e. "low"), but, again, it's not ultimately a major impact based on my life choices. Being comfortable while outside is nice, I guess, but, you know, I'm interested in something... more.

Floating Disk would actually be amazingly useful in every-day life, as it may well encourage me to go walking more often (to carry stuff I don't want to, such as when I go shopping while walking), presuming it doesn't just pop out of existence on you (which it very well could on longer walks). It gets honorable mention as I've actively wished I had that ability more than once in the past (especially if the movement is smooth enough to, say, not cause my newly purchased soda to loose all the fizz about halfway home, unlike my son's stroller). But ultimately it's just not a "wow" contender - carrying my groceries could be done with Unseen Servant, and nicer walks could be done with Endure Elements, so... meh.

Feather Fall wins major, major bonus points because it factors into a fear of mine - an irrational fear that I don't want to be a fear - that of falling. It's hard, sometimes, for me to lean on balconies (depending on the nature of the balcony) due to this fear. For all that, I love high places - climbing trees, going up in elevators, and breathtaking views from on high - so this spell would be perfect for that. But, again, this is ultimately just me focusing on a very minor part of my daily life - it's not a wise investment on my part, and in a falling elevator or plane or malfunctioning roller coaster, it would likely have no impact (har-har), due to simply having a ceiling over my head and all the other stuff around the area.

Memory Lapse, Ant Haul, Expeditious Retreat, Lighten Object, and Jump all deserve mention as "thought of, but ultimately rejected" category, as they're just not as great for me.

Now to the real contenders.

Polypurpose Panacea, Keep Watch and Charm Person were all tied for my first choice, before I'd thought about it, but I was hesitant, still, to commit.

The attraction to Charm Person (har-har, again, oh, the punanity) is pretty clear: it can instantly get me friends from enemies, and can generally allow me to get away with what I want. The fact is, though, it's ultimately limited. If I'm going to use it, it needs to be used in areas that I'm not involved with... otherwise I'll end up with a reputation I don't want. People will actively start avoiding me. One hour of being a good friend is great, but after that hour wears off people are going to feel awkward about what happened, confused, and likely find me unpleasant to be around - sure, they like me while I'm there, but they won't necessarily like the fact that they like me, at least after the fact. I'll become one of those amazing party-goers, that everyone loves when you're at the party, but you do everything in your power to avoid all other days of the week, 'cause, dudes, he'll wreck everything. Even if I'm careful with it, it's that kind of power.

Keep Watch is, frankly, the most likely thing for me to choose. I never have time, and the idea of being able to effectively sit and sleep without needing to sleep is amazing. I'll read books and more books, be on the forums all the more (heaven help all of you), surf the 'net, learn, and watch all the shows I haven't. My wife and I would catch up on our gaming backlog (so many things we want to play!) and pretty much it would be win all over. However, this is... not really the wisest use of such a power. It might be great, I grant, but ultimately it's not the most effective or clever thing I could have. I still might choose it, though.

Polypurpose Panacea might be the clear winner, over all, just from the sheer utility of being able to spam it: no need for medicines for me, bonuses to skills and saves, minor endurance increase, the ability to guarantee a good sleep, be intoxicated (with no side effects) or enjoy hallucinations (who needs tv?) or even control your dreams. When it matters, the ability to end (temporarily) intoxication as well. While I'd prefer prestidigitation for a few reasons (mostly cleaning), Polypurpose is probably the single most useful spell for everyone to have at will. Except.

Hypnotism. Ultimately, it all comes down to this: would I rather gain minor improvements to myself that I could get anyway from real life, or would I rather be a better person? Honestly, a large part of me would rather the "easy" of getting nifty stuff. Not having to sleep? Controlling my dreams and not needing medicine? Making friends instantly? All of those are my absolute "YES" buttons. But hypnotism - potentially - allows something more than all those combined, something far more precious and valuable. Self-control.

While hypnotism can function as a more permanent Charm (which is awesome), that's not really why I want it (and is easily abuse-able besides). I want it for hypnotizing myself. Depending on your reading of the Fascinated condition (and the spell description itself) you may rule that it's not applicable to myself. If so, I might still hold onto it in order to help others as I can't help myself (and, in all likelihood, to make friends and influence people, hopefully for the better).

But here's what I want to use it for:
- I like vegetables (to be fair, I actually do)
- I don't want to drink soda or tea
- I don't need caffeine
- I like to exercise
- I don't want to sit down so much
- I like standing up
- I like studying
- I need to be a good, kind person
- I need to make wise decisions
- I don't hate <X>
- I love <X>
- I will do what is right
- I refuse to do what is wrong
- I will be generous, but not foolish, with what I own
- I enjoy working hard
- I don't enjoy being lazy
- I will work hard and get things done today!
- I love learning! (to be fair, I do already)
- I will be a good husband and father.

... and so on. Really the self-applications are endless. And I will spam it on myself until I am absolutely fanatic (if that level exists) or helpful (as is the maximum in PF) to make sure that I can do and am what I want to be and nothing else.

And my wife wants it for the same reason. And if she and I both acquired it, we wouldn't really have to worry about it only affecting us. We'd just promise only to use it for what the person being hypnotized wanted to use if for.

So... that's my ultimate choice.
(Incidentally, I'd still make a great politician and diplomat.)


Arazyr wrote:
As a parent of small children, I'd be sorely tempted to take Sleep. I'd have to work out the ethical considerations of enchanting my kids every night, though.

That is easy, the justification is they need their sleep.


One minute isn't long enough.

I know.


I was tempted to say Charm Person, but as others have said it'd be easy to abuse. Doesn't the target know it was charmed afterward? Seems like it'd only be useful on people you don't know or see often.

I thought of Disguise Self as well, but I'm not a great bluffer and I'm unsure what I'd actually do with it that would be useful and not unethical.

Silent Image could be useful, just for the versatility.

I'd probably go with Unseen Servant, since I'm lazy and don't clean my apartment as much as I should :) If I thought about it I'm sure I could turn that into a money-making service too. I just realized it could be a poor-man's telekinesis too-- bringing me stuff when I don't want to stand up, adjusting the heat, grabbing a snack, organizing papers.... Now I'm sad I can't it :(

Scarab Sages

Disguise self all the way, if i wanted to be nefarious... "yes officer it was a midget with green hair whom robbed the bank i swear"
To more mundane things.."crap im late im late my suit is still at the cleaners and that job interview is in fiftenn... oh looking great now."

The applications are endless never get dressed in uncomfortable clothing again, yet still look fashionable~!


As Tacticslion has said, truestrike at will would earn you millions as a baseball player. Nearly perfect batting average? Hell yes! Go down in the history books as the best baseball player of all time... and be filthy, filthy rich.


I second Keep Watch, that'd be really useful too.


Detect Magic wrote:
As Tacticslion has said, truestrike at will would earn you millions as a baseball player. Nearly perfect batting average? Hell yes! Go down in the history books as the best baseball player of all time... and be filthy, filthy rich.

Depending on your definition of combat, if you had any significant athletic ability, true strike could make you a good pitcher of basketball shooter as well.

Dark Archive

Burning hands, lets make it burn!


ulgulanoth wrote:
Burning hands, lets make it burn!

I'm sure you would be great in barbeque and I would even bring the sausages, but can you do anything other useful with that spell?

Dark Archive

Unlimited use of shocking grasp could probably provide a decent amount of electricity.

You'd probably get a fair bit of useful energy out of unlimited use of burning hands to generate steam, or even unlimited use of mount spells (or even floating disk) to turn turbines.

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16

Face_P0lluti0n wrote:
Charm Person seems like a pretty good deal, considering that unless you work with animals a lot, humanoid is the most common creature type you will be encountering. I can't even keep track of the number of ways that "target person instantly likes you and considers you a good friend" could be used. The possibilities are endless.

Here's a question: since charm person makes somebody your friend, can you use it for breakups? Friendzone that one person who likes you a little too much?


Set wrote:

Unlimited use of shocking grasp could probably provide a decent amount of electricity.

You'd probably get a fair bit of useful energy out of unlimited use of burning hands to generate steam, or even unlimited use of mount spells (or even floating disk) to turn turbines.

And then you will have a most boring job for ever!


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Bunnyboy wrote:
Set wrote:

Unlimited use of shocking grasp could probably provide a decent amount of electricity.

You'd probably get a fair bit of useful energy out of unlimited use of burning hands to generate steam, or even unlimited use of mount spells (or even floating disk) to turn turbines.

And then you will have a most boring job for ever!

Reminded me of "Peak Superman". Heh.

EDIT: linked

Sovereign Court

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Charlie Bell wrote:
Face_P0lluti0n wrote:
Charm Person seems like a pretty good deal, considering that unless you work with animals a lot, humanoid is the most common creature type you will be encountering. I can't even keep track of the number of ways that "target person instantly likes you and considers you a good friend" could be used. The possibilities are endless.
Here's a question: since charm person makes somebody your friend, can you use it for breakups? Friendzone that one person who likes you a little too much?

Well, yeah, sure, but once it wears off, you're in trouble...


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Cure Light Wounds. With instant and repeatable cure miracles I would become a saint. Get the church to give me a confortable life style and just heal people like six hours a day. Make some trips around the world, meet world leaders, shame them into doing whatever I guess is the right thing to do. Doesn't cure diseases, sadly, but at will 1d8+1 is enough to full heal any injury.


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VM mercenario wrote:
Cure Light Wounds. With instant and repeatable cure miracles I would become a saint. Get the church to give me a confortable life style and just heal people like six hours a day. Make some trips around the world, meet world leaders, shame them into doing whatever I guess is the right thing to do. Doesn't cure diseases, sadly, but at will 1d8+1 is enough to full heal any injury.

Sadly, it's not a wizard spell, which is why it wasn't on my list.


Feather Fall without question since I tend to be prone to the falling Phobia .

As a first level , Comprehend languages would be too limited.


Hmmm... Tough choice between charm person, hypnotism, comprehend language, and unseen servant. But, given both where I live and that I spend a LOT of time outdoors, I'll have to go with endure elements!


There are way too many hilarious ways to use GREASE in the real world.

Next time that jerk cuts you off in traffic, he skids off into the ditch at side of the round.
That rude punk finds his shoes slip hilariously and can't stop falling on his butt in public.
The office joker gets his car covered in grease and can't wash it off.

I'm not interested in hurting anyone, I'd just love to dispense some instant justice now and again.


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Sorta gruesome, but if you worked for the police department or in archaeology you could make a mint off of restore corpse - it lists no time limit after all. Makeit much easier to identify a skeletonized jane doe ...


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Arssanguinus wrote:
Sorta gruesome, but if you worked for the police department or in archaeology you could make a mint off of restore corpse - it lists no time limit after all. Makeit much easier to identify a skeletonized jane doe ...

It would also be incredibly useful in the mortuary business. Open-casket funerals for everyone would be majorly appreciated.


And if you ever were a disgruntled employee, after using restore corpse you could write your resignation letter on the corpse with explosive runes...


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I realize it wasn't on the OP's list, but it is a 1st level wizard spell... Vanish.

I realize it's only 6 seconds (unless my caster level is higher?), but still...

Boss walks in carrying a stack of papers. *POOF* "Hey, where's Eben?"

I'm pretty sure six seconds is enough for me to get out the door and to the stairwell... especially once I practice it a time or three.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Would Comprehend Languages work on computer/programming languages and cyphers as well?


Cussune wrote:
Would Comprehend Languages work on computer/programming languages and cyphers as well?

That would actually make it much more attractive.

As far as it goes, though, it only allows you to comprehend the computer and programming languages, not utilize them.

Quote:
The ability to read does not necessarily impart insight into the material, merely its literal meaning. The spell enables you to understand or read an unknown language, not speak or write it.

That seems to me like it would limit its usefulness.

However, as far as the cypher goes,

Quote:
It does not decipher codes or reveal messages concealed in otherwise normal text.

unfortunately.


True Strike - if we're using the broader application of "hitting a target", it's just so useful.

If we expand the list to all Paizo material, Cultural Adaptation.

If we include 0-level spells, Mage Hand.


TriOmegaZero wrote:
After my multitude of deployments to extreme environments, Endure Elements all the way.

Ask me again in July and this will probably be my answer. :)

Grand Lodge

Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Pathfinder Accessories, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
bugleyman wrote:
Ask me again in July and this will probably be my answer. :)

Oh geez, don't remind me! :(

Dark Archive

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Expeditious retreat.

I would win the Olympics. Take that Usain Bolt!


Featherfall. Ever. time.


True strike

NFL career here i come.


Enlarge Person would work well in the NFL or NBA as well.


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Irontruth wrote:
Enlarge Person would work well in the NFL or NBA as well.

With the Dex penalty and reduced to hit, that's debatable, at least for some of us.

Put me in the camp of "If Cantrips allowed, Prestadigitation". Flavoring things alone would be worth it. The other stuff would just be awesome.

If I were evil, Grease(as mentioned for pranking) or Bungle(for same). If I wanted to be able to change the world by playing the long game, and assuming the RL GM let me take another race's spell, I'd probably go with Sow Thought. Honestly, I think played shrewdly and over a long period of time, that one has way more possibility for abuse than Charm Person.

But naturally, I'd never, ever abuse it. No sir, not me.

Scarab Sages

Comprehend languages or unseen servant.

Liberty's Edge

Charm person.
Let someone else do EVERYTHING for you because, you know, you're a great guy.


Poldaran wrote:
Irontruth wrote:
Enlarge Person would work well in the NFL or NBA as well.

With the Dex penalty and reduced to hit, that's debatable, at least for some of us.

Put me in the camp of "If Cantrips allowed, Prestadigitation". Flavoring things alone would be worth it. The other stuff would just be awesome.

If I were evil, Grease(as mentioned for pranking) or Bungle(for same). If I wanted to be able to change the world by playing the long game, and assuming the RL GM let me take another race's spell, I'd probably go with Sow Thought. Honestly, I think played shrewdly and over a long period of time, that one has way more possibility for abuse than Charm Person.

But naturally, I'd never, ever abuse it. No sir, not me.

I thought of Sow Thought, but isn't that one on the witch list and not wizard? Did I just miss it?

Dark Archive

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I see sow thoughts and forget that sow is a verb, as well as being a very different noun...

Still, not as inspiring as reading 'Tasha's hideous laughter' too fast and thinking it is 'Tasha's hideous slaughter.'


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That was originally Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Laughter. Pity poor Tasha and her uncontrollable hideous slaughter.

Aside:
Best name for a spell: Unceasing Vigilance of the Holy Sentinel
Worst name for a spell: Frisky Chest

Actually, now that I think of it, the best spell depends on if I'm the only one with a spell, or if everyone else gets a spell, too. Because in the second case, Protection From Evil starts looking pretty good.

Sovereign Court

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Set wrote:

I see sow thoughts and forget that sow is a verb, as well as being a very different noun...

Still, not as inspiring as reading 'Tasha's hideous laughter' too fast and thinking it is 'Tasha's hideous slaughter.'

Or Tasha's hideous daughter...you summon a girl so ugly that a mere look at her features kills you if you fail a will save.


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Wrong John Silver wrote:
That was originally Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Laughter. Pity poor Tasha and her uncontrollable hideous slaughter.

Given that Tasha was an alias of Iggwilv, I doubt there's much she'd want to be pitied about.

Dark Archive

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Wrong John Silver wrote:
That was originally Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Laughter. Pity poor Tasha and her uncontrollable hideous slaughter.

IMO, Tasha's uncontrollable hideous slaughter is just the original long-form name for the common confusion spell, since that's pretty much how it always ends...

Quote:

Aside:

Best name for a spell: Unceasing Vigilance of the Holy Sentinel
Worst name for a spell: Frisky Chest

Frisky Chest was just annoying, but Weighty Chest you could cast on a net, and if anyone other than you touched the net, it increased to two to five times *their* weight, making it an unintentional awesome attack.

Ah, Tome & Magic and it's bizarre stuff...

Quote:
Actually, now that I think of it, the best spell depends on if I'm the only one with a spell, or if everyone else gets a spell, too. Because in the second case, Protection From Evil starts looking pretty good.

True that.

I remember a similar thread about 'what super power would you want' and some clever dude said 'the power to undo all the crap you chuckleheads are going to be doing with your one power...'


Poldaran wrote:
Irontruth wrote:
Enlarge Person would work well in the NFL or NBA as well.
With the Dex penalty and reduced to hit, that's debatable, at least for some of us.

I agree, it wouldn't guarantee everyone to be able to play in the NFL, but it wouldn't take a large amount of natural talent to make it. Being 12 ft tall would be your primary advantage, making you an easy passing target.

If you were already athletically gifted, you would also be dominate on defense. In the NBA, you'd basically be the second coming of Wilt Chamberlain.


Pretty obvious: Charm Person. There are practically no limits with this spell (if you’re a little/lot shady). When I’m a billionaire, I can hire dozens of servants to do whatever I want.

Runners up: Disguise Self (same as charm), Comprehend Languages (lots of applications with dead languages), Expeditious Retreat (running twice as fast as a normal human would be awesome).

Probably the most fun would be disguise self.

Shadow Lodge

hmm
it'd be a choice between
cure light wounds (boom instant paramedic, wounds have now stopped bleading within 6 seconds and a bit of the blood is restored, all without tight binds, repeat as necessary, sure it doesn't help with
unseen servant: I am lazy, having this thing clean my room would be nice
keep watch: yay I don't have to sleep
charm person: duh
shocking grasp: generate power and small combat utility


Charm person. Always and forever.

It's not for affecting people you know - that's dangerous and stupid. It's what you use to make a magnificent first impression everywhere you go, get the very best service at restaurants, the unemployment office, to calm down dangerous situations, to make the cops relaxed, and so on and so forth. Everyone you DON'T know is fair game. If the effect ends and they are still relevant in your life, all they will assume is that they just liked you for some reason. Of course, you'd have to put in the effort to make that seem likely.


Comprehend Languages: You can read anything without losing things in translation. You could get a job as a translator anywhere they are needed. You what people are saying about you in another language when they think they are being sneaky.


Will the Unseen Servant make coffee?


The Druid spell "Predict Weather."

I could make money.

.

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