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Give me some good villain taunts you've used, that you've wanted to use, or you've heard before.
Doesn't have to be just from humanoid types either. Dragons, snakes, outsiders, whatever you've come across.
The reason I ask is that one of my weaknesses as a GM is thinking up villain taunts on the fly, which I think is a great part of combat, especially when you're up against an important villain in the game.
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The thing here is that it really is up to the character of the villain. Some villains are smooth criminals *grabs own crotch "WOOOOO!* while others just love fighting.
1 "Illusory villain") Villain sits in his chair watching the heroes fight his minions as he swishes win around in his glass: "You call that fighting? Really? You truly are horrible at this, I'd have killed them all already."
continuing 1) Someone charges the seated villain and falls through the floor, a moment later there is a sickly impaling sound as the villain laughs as he swishes the wine: "Well, it seems someone made me some more wine. Well, go ahead, get on your knees before me and save that fool." The PCs realize that this is an illusion placed over a spiked pit trap that is designed to insult people so they try to attack it, and in the pit near the top is a permanent magic mouth that spews insults.
2 "So I see you defeated my dragon") The PCs see the villain sitting at a table at the far end of a dimly lit room: "So, I see you defeated my dragon." The PCs are confused, then a dragon flies over, grabs the top of the chair and flies off with the villain. "Guess not."
3 "You call that fighting") The villain, a Gish who gave himself Stoneskin through Blood Money is struck by one of the PCs who doesn't do enough damage to hurt him: "You call that fighting? Are you trying to hurt me or trying to show me how to dance?"
4 "You guys are terrible") The villain indirectly hired the PCs to kill him as he has made a pact with a powerful demon lord that if he is killed by the hands of the righteous that he will arise as a demon of power, he managed to kill three of them and the last one is the Paladin who hasn't died because of his saving throws: "You guys! I hired you idiots to kill me, lead you right to me, and I'm not even fighting as hard as I could be. You know what? You guys are terrible! Get that trash out of my lair, Paladin!"
5 "I want your money!") The PCs just fought their way through a great deal of Ratfolk when they meet the villain--A Ratfolk! Go figure!--who looks at them as they enter: "What? What is that?! You call that a sword? *walks up to the fighter, and inspects his sword* Ugh! This is garbage. How do you sleep at night knowing you bought...That? Tell you what, pay me money and I'll make you weapons that are worth using."
The PCs didn't actually fight villain 5, but instead just ended up having him make things for them.
6 "Sacrificial . . . never mind) The Villain's allies have the party busy, but the Villain has downed the Wizard. Everyone is trying to help their ally but are blocked. The Villain pulls out a stiletto, leans back the Wizard's head ready to stab his heart down through his neck: "Lord of destruction, master of the void! Take this Sacrifice! What? Ok, well, fine then." *he drops the wizard's unconscious body, then walks out of the room.
"You again? Really?"
"So, You're are the ones who have been causing my allies so much trouble. *shakes his head* I need to find better allies."
"I had a brother who fought like you. Keyword: Had."
"Half-elf, Half-Human, half-incompetent, and completely stupid. Well, lets get this over with."
"Aye! I might be a vain bastard, but you know what allows me to own this keep? You want to know my secret for gaining constant income? Idiots like you."
*looks at the dwarf* "Wow you are a fat and ugly halfling."
*looks at the Halfling* "Ugh, small headed Gnomes."
*Looks at the Gnome* "How original, a tall Brownie."
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BBEG "thank you for making your way up here fighting your way thru waves of nameless minions"
PC What?
BBEG well you see its the middle of the month and pay roll was here so you just saved me a ton of gold
PC you monster
BBEG you mean you rich monster
PC we will end you
BBEG why it was just good business
"your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries, now you away or I shall taunt you a second time".
BBEG "thank you for making your way up here fighting your way thru waves of nameless minions"
PC What?
BBEG well you see its the middle of the month and pay roll was here so you just saved me a ton of gold
PC you monster
BBEG you mean you rich monster
PC we will end you
BBEG why it was just good business
Awesomeness.
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If you've seen a movie or played a video game you're SURE your players haven't, then by all means quote the villains from that. Video games especially tend to have quotable villains. Just be absolutely SURE you're not making a reference your players will recognize, or all you'll accomplish is making them laugh at your "dramatic moment".
Also, it depends on your villain's personality. If he's the scheming mastermind type, it probably depends on who he is and what he's planning. If he's the hired muscle, he's probably not the fountain of wit around here. Here's some ideas for something a "bruiser" type enemy might yell in a fight.
-"My {weapon type} wants to say hello to your FACE!"
-"Try not to slip on your own blood when you're running away!"
-"See if you can catch these in your teeth!" [when making a ranged attack]
-"I'm gonna knock you down in the DIRT!"
-"You call that fighting? I've done worse to my horse!"
-"Give me that fancy {PC's magic item} and maybe I'll let you live!"
-"Nice weapon! Too bad nobody taught you how to use it!"
That's part of the Evil Gloating by the way, which might also be a good source for inspiration.
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"Would you like to know how they died?"
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Two of my favourites from Doctor Who:-
- Soldeed watching his plans go up in smoke - 'You interfering hussy!'
- Minions destroyed, attempted palace coup thwarted, soundly beaten in climactic swordfight - Count Grendel pauses before leaping from battlements into the moat to escape: 'Next time I shall not be so lenient!'
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Some of my favorite villains insult the PCs by not even being interested in fighting them. This is good for a villain who gravely outmatches the PCs at the moment, or a reoccuring villain who will vanish when he is "killed" and escape that way. He is quite interested in his next fight.
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“Well struck! I see I should find a more efficient body to inhabit for our next meeting.”
“You shame your ancestors. Your great grandfather shed barely a tear over his wife’s broken body before coming after me with PROPER righteous fury. Your end shall not be so swift as his.”
“I see from your ineffectual abilities, you’ve chosen to send but a simulacra of yourself against me. Fitting as I too am only a simulacra.”
“I applaud your tactics and tenacity. Fortunately for me, I own a diamond mine and have a few clones sitting around in my various extra dimensional hideaways.”
“Master! I have done as you have bidden and fought these fools for your entertainment. Now you know their faces, their tactics, and the auras of their magics. Honor your promise and release my family from their torment.”
“You have such marvelous spirit! Your soul gem will be an excellent addition to my collection.”
“Your courage is admirable. Most would hesitate to risk inflicting my death curse upon their generation of their family, the prior two generations of their family and the next four generations of all of their family…”
“Interesting choice of tactics. Most who dare face me start with a Mage’s Disjunction followed by a Quickened Aroden’s Spellbane… Perhaps you are a dragon or demon prince in disguise… let us find out.”
“I see that I shall not survive this. Never trust the wind that whispers. Its promises of redemption are lies. Once you have heard its far-away voice, you are already damned and those you love with you. Ylesya, I’m sorry.”
“Fools. You dance to the strings of the veiled masters and are ending your only hope of freedom with every blow you strike.”
-TimD
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"I cannot be caged. I cannot be controlled. Understand this as you die, ever pathetic, ever fools!" [cit. Jon Irenicus - Baldur's Gate 2]
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Why are all these villains seemingly sane? Where's the insane madman that the PCs stumble upon... The madman communing with a wheel of cheese and confusing the encounter with the PCs as a family reunion?
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The heroes storm the prison-keep of the mad lich, phylactery in hand. The phylactery is a single gem in the ancestral crown of lost Jandelay, the only legacy of the man who once ruled millions and now has nothing but a hope to avenge his kingdom. As they bleed and break and work their way ever deeper, one finally enters the lich's chamber. A hideously grinning skeleton sits in the king's grandfather's mausoleum amid a field of Jandelay's gravestones. Once-loyal subjects, former lovers, and even some family members twisted by undeath rise from the grave and besiege their former liege lord. As the king destroys his brother's corpse, the lich laughs its bitter laughter.
The Jester of Years rises from his mockery of a throne, and the king shouts ancient oaths of vengeance, swearing to destroy his court jester at last. The thing laughs. "With that?" it hisses. "I think not." A withered hand stretches out, and the last of the crown jewels crumbles to dust. "Now let's see if you can destroy this body. Make it amusing this time."
The king rains down fire, conjures torrents of acid, batters the lich with steel and divine power, and at last the Jester's mockery of a body crumbles, but it only laughs and tells the king to come back next month with something better.
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I find knowing the particular villain is a big part of this. Some concepts:
- Keep in mind that villains aren't always going to always insult a PC based on something the PCs find insulting. Often enough, they'll use things that they personally consider harsh. Many villains find cowardice worthy of contempt, but just as many might consider heroism to be a form of weakness. They might think beauty is the only thing that matters, even though the party barbarian could really care less. Perhaps intelligence, devotion, or even freedom is what matters. Orcs might see the grace of the party bard as being wimpy and effeminate, while other creatures will consider those same traits worthy of praise.
- Sometimes NOT insulting your PCs will be even more impactful than berating them. Consider: a sadistic mage uses a pain inflicting spell. The mage can do several things. If the mage gloats, that's one thing. But consider having the mage apologize for the spell, insincerely or otherwise, and you have the idea of someone who really doesn't seem to know better. Having the mage act as if he's done something GOOD for the team could be even more impactful, for the sake of contrast. My point is that sometimes not taunting is even worse than taunting.
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“Fools. You dance to the strings of the veiled masters and are ending your only hope of freedom with every blow you strike.”
-TimD
I Have a BBEG That This Is Perfect For!
"I am going to cram my boot so far up your ass that it will explode hard enough for Aroden to feel it!"
Courtesy of Silver Mantis from CoV:
"Did you come to talk? That was Stupid! I'm here to fight!"
"Can't you hit any harder? My blood's barely pumping!"
"The pain! The anger! Yes! You really know how to treat a girl!"
"Oh! well, hello there, prey!"
"You don't have to start slow on my account. I like it rough."
"Oooh... you're so forceful!
"What a fighter... See you again sometime."
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Why are all these villains seemingly sane? Where's the insane madman that the PCs stumble upon... The madman communing with a wheel of cheese and confusing the encounter with the PCs as a family reunion?"YOU'RE GOING TO BE MY NEW MEAT BICYCLE!"
This is it. This is the post. I'm using this.
Since we've already opened the Jon Irenicus-can, let's get some more of them in here :)
"The pain will only be passing"
"Interesting, you have much untapped power"
"You will only prove a slight delay" - originally -they- will only prove a slight delay
"You dare to attack me here? Do you even know whom you face?!"
"You will suffer, you will all -suffer- "
"Enough, I have no more time for babbling of ignorant children"
"-Must- I be interrupted at every turn? Enough of this"
"Your pathetic magics are useless, let this end"
"You bore me mageling"
-Nearyn
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This is it. This is the post. I'm using this.Why are all these villains seemingly sane? Where's the insane madman that the PCs stumble upon... The madman communing with a wheel of cheese and confusing the encounter with the PCs as a family reunion?"YOU'RE GOING TO BE MY NEW MEAT BICYCLE!"
Once you open the doors to Borderlands, things get out of hand quick. ;)
"I'M GONNA WEAR YORE FACE AND CALL YORE MAMA!"
To borrow from another comedic source that deals exclusively in terror and fear:
If PC says "I'll die before I let you take me!"
Then villain responds, "Yes. And after. And during. In (DEMON LORD'S NAME HERE)'s grasp, you will have always been dead."
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"WHAT IS THIS BEAST THAT SMILES AT DEATH?"
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"HOW UNCEREMONIOUS FOR A BEAST'S FINAL WORDS."
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"I will beat it until its willfulness ceases."
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"YOUR GOD IS PAIN NOW."
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"THE NIGHT WIND CAN ALWAYS CARRY ONE MORE SCREAM."
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"SEE THAT EVEN THE DEAD CAN BEG."
Freakin' P̯͉o͖̰p̯̰͢s̹i̠͖̫̲c͇̤̲l̦̟͉̕e̥ ̴̩͉̤͍̪͚P̝̰͕͝e̞͞t͍̺̭̬̜e͕͕͚̻̼͇̙, man.
"You stupid dumb.""WELCOME TO DIE!"
"GET READY FOR HURT!"
"I ALWAYS KILL!"
"YOU GO SQUISH NOW!"
I, Garland, will knock you all down!!
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You will pray for the release only death will bring
DEEP HURTING
(villain's assistant standing nearby) He is VIGO! You are like the buzzing of flies to him!
As you may not know but will soon find out, you are already dead
You call that a hit? If I'd wanted to be kissed I would've called your mother
I'll not suffer you to live any longer
You are not fit to breathe the same air as I
What's this? Right here in my hand? Oh, that's right; it's your old friend Mr Pain. Why don't the two of you hug!
(again, from the villain's assistant standing nearby) SEND HIM HOME IN A BODY BAG MAN!
I'll play tiddly winks with your teeth; I'll gouge out your eyes and use them as a garnish!
You won't look so good, when I snap your guts like a bullwhip.
Hmm? Oh, I didn't notice you there; did you need something? I'm terribly busy and don't really have the time to play. Run along child...
Every wolf...suffers fleas; tis easy enough, to SCRATCH!
Don't you know me BOY?
DIE DIE DIE!
Someone open a window? I felt a draft...
Why are all these villains seemingly sane? Where's the insane madman that the PCs stumble upon... The madman communing with a wheel of cheese and confusing the encounter with the PCs as a family reunion?"YOU'RE GOING TO BE MY NEW MEAT BICYCLE!"
LMAO
That’s weird & hilarious enough to throw at my PCs!!! Thanks!!