Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7
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Here's mine. This may not be the final, final form as I may have done some last few edits in the submission field.
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COAT OF THE ETERNAL VAGABOND
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I liked it well enough, and liked the name. The randomness seemed like it would be a fun way to travel around, but I found myself voting for the other item as much as I voted for this. Like you said, sound, but not "it".
I don't understand what you mean. How does it make it hard for the GM?Bracelet of the Peaceful DoveThis struck me as an extra burden to the GM and only applicable in very specific RP situations which it then derails, hence the make it hard for the GM bit.
This part: However, if the wearer's motives are instead violent or hostile, the bird becomes agitated, and its fluttering and fussing imposes a —5 penalty on Bluff checks made to conceal such intent so long as the bracelet is worn.
This is way too subjective for me and it is tied to a penalry meant to balance the item. That requires the GM is aware of that part of the item, which he may or not be. It weakens the design for me.
Soul’s Visage
Aura moderate divination; CL 11th
Slot headband; Price 5,000 gp; Weight —
Description
Spun of fine crystal but with the strength of steel, and shaped into a clan or creed's icon, a Soul’s Visage rests without aid upon its wearer's brow.
If worn by a character possessing an honor score greater than zero, a Soul’s Visage illuminates with a clear and penetrating light that bathes all who observe it in a sense of the wearer's integrity and worth. The Soul’s Visage continues to shine unwaveringly while worn and grants the wearer a +1 bonus to his honor score as long as the wearer's honor score remains greater than zero. The luminescence from a Soul's Visage is treated as a light spell for all purposes.
Due to the forthrightness and virtue represented by wearing a Soul's Visage the wearer’s honor is reduced to one instead of zero when the wearer overreaches while attempting to spend honor.
A successful Knowledge (nobility) check against a DC of 19 enables anyone who can observe the unobstructed light cast by a Soul’s Visage to determine the wearer’s exact honor score.
Intentionally hiding or falsifying the light from a Soul’s Visage while worn is considered a dishonorable act and results in an honor loss appropriate to the situation in which the infraction occurred.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, legend lore, light lance; Cost 2,500 gp
I liked it for the murderhobo vibe it displayed, it does make it somewhat harder for the GM as it can derail adventures...
COAT OF THE ETERNAL VAGABOND
I have to say the very last thing on my mind when I designed it was murderhobos. Would you explain to me why you thought of that? You might have liked it but that's actually a design element I'd rather avoid...
As for the latter, I was aware of this, and took the risk (which was probably a bad idea in the end). I thought it'd be good for a sandbox style campaign. As a GM whose players derail things regularly, it would just be par for the course, but I agree with you it is an issue. Thanks for the feedback.
My first attempt at this... I completely spitballed the price, I know. If I had a do-over, I'd have limited it to 1 or 2 play-length 'performances' per day.
Thespian's Globe
Aura faint illusion; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 20,000 gp; Weight --
Description
This two-inch sphere of highly polished metal was created to help actors project their performances to the back rows. When tossed into the air by its owner, it transforms into a glowing orb that floats above her head until dismissed, whereupon it drops and reverts to a metal sphere until next used. There is no daily limit on the globe's usage. While activated, the globe displays on its surface an image of the owner's face, twice as large and mimicking her every expression, while also amplifying her voice. This increases the range of bardic performances by 50%.
Such is the power of this projection that it will also broadcast adverse conditions suffered by the owner, including confused, dazed, dazzled, fatigued, shaken, sickened, staggered, and stunned. If the owner has any of these conditions, the one most recently gained appears on the globe's face until the condition ends. Creatures within 30 feet are affected by this condition as a gaze attack; if they look at the character, they must make a DC 16 Will save or be affected by the condition for one round. A creature that successfully saves cannot be affected again by the same condition for 24 hours, but is subject to any new ones the globe displays. Although some of the conditions listed are normally physical, they are based upon the power of suggestion and are mind-affecting effects.
The owner may not make active gaze attacks with the globe.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, major image, suggestion, Cost 10,000 gp
Bullet-Catching Duster:
Bullet-Catching Duster
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 6th
Slot body; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 7 lbs.
Description
Crumpled bullets serve as studs in the thick, black leather of this overcoat. Attacks by firearms against the wearer of this coat are resolved against the wearer’s normal AC for all range increments except the first, regardless of mundane or magical enhancements to the firearm or bullets used. This effect does not function against attacks that occur within the firearm’s first range increment. If the wearer has the grit class feature, she begins each day with 1 additional grit point. This extra point does not increase her maximum grit total. When the wearer uses the gun tank’s resolve deed (from the gunslinger archetype in Ultimate Combat), her chance to negate critical hits and sneak attack damage is treated as five levels higher. If the wearer is a gunslinger, she gains the gun tank’s resolve deed if she does not already possess it. If the wearer is not a gunslinger, she may use the gun tank’s resolve deed once per day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, ablative barrier (from Ultimate Combat), creator must have the Snatch Arrows feat; Cost 15,000 gp
Ok so the first thing that put me off of this item is that firearms are only ranged touch attacks in their first range increment, the exception to this is advanced firearms which not every one uses (they have a standing ban at 3 tables I play at). So your items first effect is a niche case. The second thing is that while I understand what you where trying to do with the extra grit point thing, as written it only benefits characters with amateur gunslinger because you give them a grit point above their maximum, which promptly goes away because it's above their maximum.
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
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Thank you in advance for any feedback.
Sandstone Sirocco
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 7,200 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Quartz striations of russet, amber, and gold lace this vaguely humanoid shaped, coarse grained stone figure. Throughout the day, the figure erodes and rebuilds, taking a slightly different pose each time. Once per day when blown upon by the wielder, the figure disintegrates into a swirl of wind and sand, creating a small, sand-filled cyclone cloud. It remains in this shape for one minute before spinning back to reform in the wielder’s hand. If the owner moves more than 50 feet from the sandstone sirocco, it reverts back to a stone figurine.
The cloud scours any unoccupied surface it contacts of mundane writing, footprints, or litter. It may also scour away magical writing effects with a successful caster level check against DC 15. This takes one round for each five foot square surface. The wielder may, as a move action, command the cloud to a new square within 30 feet of its previous position.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, erase; Cost 3,600 gp
Provocateur’s Pamphlet
The name is catchy and alliterative...an example of when it is fitting!
First sentence oozes flavor.
You didn't need to separate the 2nd sentence from you first full paragraph, they really should have been together.
I really like the effects and the way they were designed walked that line of parody-of-real-life and game life so well. The powers fit, elicited a laugh, and still were flavorful
I think the biggest problem is that you leave the fulfilment of the enchantment to the amorphous "until the reader feels as if the original intent of the message has been fulfilled" That's going to end up being a big vote detractor I think.
Overall, this was quirky and fun and I really liked it. So where did it go wrong? I honestly don't know...other than the aforementioned fulfilment issue. Keep working on that wit and parody sense and I am sure we will see you in Top 32 at some point.
I liked it for the murderhobo vibe it displayed, it does make it somewhat harder for the GM as it can derail adventures...
COAT OF THE ETERNAL VAGABOND
I have to say the very last thing on my mind when I designed it was murderhobos. Would you explain to me why you thought of that? You might have liked it but that's actually a design element I'd rather avoid...
As for the latter, I was aware of this, and took the risk (which was probably a bad idea in the end). I thought it'd be good for a sandbox style campaign. As a GM whose players derail things regularly, it would just be par for the course, but I agree with you it is an issue. Thanks for the feedback.
I see a man just appearing at the edge of town, and death follows.....
Not what you wanted but boy does it suit the murderhobo.
RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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are there other formatting errors?
Ah, in that case focus on mojo and simplicity.
The only other formatting issue I see is that you should probably italicize alarm in the item's description if you are emulating the spell effect.
A decent bit of advice to folk asking for item feedback: deliver it here exactly as you delivered it to the contest. That way you don't have to put up with people telling you to format things you correctly formatted, and the advice you get will be more relevant.
RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
aka FaxCelestis
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Soul’s Visage
This item failed for me only because I didn't like its reliance on an optional subsystem.
Sandstone Sirocco
This item failed for me only because it didn't seem to be worth the price. 7200 GP for essentially a 1/d cantrip, admittedly on a larger scale, was too much.
Dedicated Voter Season 7
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Here was my first time entry into the contest. I would like to start off saying thanks to everyone who gave me feedback during the weeks leading up to the submission and the few reviews I received the past few weeks.
The biggest complaint I heard and I sure it hurt me is that it is a golden tooth and people naturally thought of it as "bling". I honestly did not see it like that until I saw people saying that. I had the thought of pirates, traveling salesmen from lands much like Osirion, shady bandit leaders, etc. I am sure people discounted it as a joke item though which was an unfortunate oversight on my part.
I also knew I was taking a risk with the mechanics of the item but I personally feel they were well thought out. Biased opinion of course :D Instead of thinking of a cool spell and how I could add it into something that isn't a pair of gloves with similar spell like abilities or just controlling effects with an item I tried to analyze the game and what takes the fun away for people. I know it is gut wrenching when you just HAVE to make that roll and you roll a natural 1. I have seen it ruin the whole night in certain situations and I felt like this would be the ultimate turn around for what could be an unfortunate outcome for the group. Maybe I over thought it though :D
I did get some critiques that the item did not have enough flavor and I completely agree. I was more focused on delivering mechanics in a solid way with something that I could not find any information or rules on. Next year though I plan on using all that creativity I shoved aside.
Thanks for the input and advice if you give any! I hope to learn from everything I hear and apply it to future projects I have already planned out. Looking forward to practicing this year with the Paizo community and hopefully getting my opportunity next year.
Lucky Golden Tooth
Aura moderate divination; CL 6th
Slot none; Price 30,000 gp; Weight –
Description
This brightly polished golden tooth can turn an unfortunate event into a favorable one for its wearer. This golden cap may be placed over the tooth of any Medium or smaller sized humanoid creature to bestow a blessing of luck to him.
When the wearer of lucky golden tooth rolls a natural 1 on any single attack roll, opposed ability or skill check, combat maneuver check, or saving throw; the lucky golden tooth flashes brightly and allows the wearer to immediately treat this roll as if he’d rolled a natural 20 instead. Once this ability has been used, the tooth’s normally bright golden surface fades to a dull copper.
While the tooth is golden, the wearer receives a +1 luck bonus to all saving throws. Once the tooth becomes copper, the wearer suffers a -1 penalty to all saving throws. This penalty still applies even if the tooth is removed. After resting for eight hours, the tooth regains its golden color and can be used once more. At any time, a character may only wear one lucky golden tooth.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, timely inspiration, divine favor; Cost 15,000 gp
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RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32, Contributor
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Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9
aka ChesterCopperpot
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First time entering this year. Would love some feedback!
Choker of Spell Stifling
Aura faint illusion (glamer); CL 3rd
Slot neck; Price 4,200 gp; Weight —
Description
This necklace of featureless cold-iron links fastens with a locking clasp, operated by a small, rune-marked key.
The wearer of a choker of spell stifling may speak normally, but is unable to cast spells with verbal components.
The choker may only be placed on a willing or helpless subject. Securing or removing the necklace with the key is a full-round action that provokes attacks of opportunity.
Removing the choker without the key requires a DC 30 Disable Device check or a DC 26 Strength check. A choker of spell stifling has hardness 10 and 5 hit points.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, silence; Cost 2,100 gp
Thespian's Globe
I'm unsure how a two-inch sphere displays an image of the owner's face twice as large on its surface...
I like the theme, in that you've thought about how theatre would be different in a world where magic is common-place. I'm unsure how useful the ability to transfer adverse conditions really is though: after all, it requires the owner to have said condition on them, so it's kinda proactive but mostly reactive. That's not so exciting for an item. Perhaps the globe could amplify the owner's acting ability to allow it to inspire adverse or positive conditions in those watching. This could allow non-bard characters to act like bards in a pinch and give a reward for having Perform: Acting.
So, it's a cool idea, just needs some more time in the brain oven as it were.
Bracelet of the Peaceful Dove
Aura moderate abjuration and divination; CL 9th
Slot wrists; Price 16,500 gp; Weight —
Description
This humble copper band is better known for the faintly-glowing image of a snow-white dove that perches on the wearer's shoulder; it is this dove for which the bracelet of the peaceful dove is named.
So long as the wearer's intentions are genuinely peaceful, the dove sits and coos contentedly, granting a +5 competence bonus to Diplomacy checks. However, if the wearer's motives are instead violent or hostile, the bird becomes agitated, and its fluttering and fussing imposes a —5 penalty on Bluff checks made to conceal such intent so long as the bracelet is worn.
Furthermore, the dove protects the wearer's mind from hostile influence, granting a +2 morale bonus to saving throws against any enchantment that would push the wearer toward hostile action. This includes effects like murderous command or a suggestion to attack someone, but not effects like hold person, confusion or a non-violent suggestion.
Finally, the dove will dive toward nearby creatures affected by such enchantments in an attempt to restore peace. The dove immediately flies toward the nearest creature so affected within 30 feet (including the wearer) and attempts to end the effect, as break enchantment. If it fails, it will make another attempt each round, targeting whichever affected creature is closest to the wearer that round. If successful, its energy is spent and the bracelet of the peaceful dove becomes completely inert for 24 hours.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, break enchantment, detect thoughts; Cost 8,250 gp
I like the idea of this. And I always like items that actually try to do things to help avoid combat rather than make you more powerful in it.
I do think, unfortunately, it is definitely in the "does too much" category--by the time you get to the dove flying toward creatures, it feels too much like a grab-bag of items. To me I would have liked to see the focus enhanced on the ability to protect the wearer from other hostile influence. And I'm curious--how would the item interact with things like rage effects? (For example, if the wearer was a barbarian or if someone cast rage upon the wearer/)
The item's ability to betray the hostility of the wearer seems too much of a drawback, even if it's nice and flavorful--but I can see a jerk GM creating a cursed version that can't be removed, and even with its benefits, could end up being a burden. I also agree with the poster who suggested it puts work on the GM to check on the PC's hostility at all times.
I also wonder why it wasn't just a shoulder slot item, like a sculpted dove sitting on an epaulet, or a dove embroidered into a mantle, since its visual effect is related to the bird sitting on the shoulder. Shoulder items are more frequently protective than wrist ones as well. Just curious.
Honestly, very cool idea. Writing style is good.
Cloak of a Thousand Daggers
Liked it a lot
Soul’s VisageThis item failed for me only because I didn't like its reliance on an optional subsystem.
Agreed, I hadn't even heard of the "honor points" system before reading this item. But then, I tend to gloss over optional rules systems in most books, because I feel that the rules hit on everything that I need them to hit on.
Mask of the Wayang
Aura moderate illusion; CL 9th
Slot head; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 1 lb
DESCRIPTION
This wooden mask is carved into the likeness of a grinning Wayang. As a standard action, the wearer of the mask can become a shadow of equal size and shape against any adjacent wall, giving him a +10 to stealth checks. The wearer can use this ability 3 times per day lasting for 5 minutes per use. Cancelling this effect takes a standard action and materializes you within 5 feet of the flat surface he was occupying. For this ability to work, there must be a light source of any kind. Should all light go out while in this form, the wearer is instantly ejected from the wall, knocking him prone, dazing him for one round and receiving 2d6 damage.
While in this form, the wearer cannot speak, manipulate items, attack, or cast spells though spell effects cast before entering this state still persist. While using this ability the wearer is immune to all forms of damage, however area effect spells still affect him normally.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items; shadow walk Cost 10,000 gp
Well, Russell was talking about cloaks and mist a lot, but having just checked the top 100 list, he couldn't have been talking about my cloak of mist >.< because it wasn't on there with all the others... grin.
I'm not worried about feedback, just sharing so you know which was mine :) and giving Russell ANOTHER cloak of mistyness :P
Thunderstorm Mantle
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot shoulders; Price 27,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Sinister grey clouds flow down the back of this mantle, sheet lightning flashing within and jagged bolts traversing from nape to base. The cape furls constantly as if caught in storm winds, and emits the distant sound of rolling thunder.
Once per day on command, the clouds billow from the cape, engulfing the user in an ominous hardening ball of raging storm clouds, spiking randomly with foot long jagged bolts. Lasting 1d4+2 rounds, this form grants a thundering rolling attack (as Bull Rush) ending with a thunderclap retort. Succeeding this Bull Rush skewers the target on 1d3 spiking bolts, for 1d6 piercing damage each, and requires other creatures adjacent to the target to make a DC 16 Reflex save or be similarly struck.
This form also grants a +2 AC deflection bonus against melee attacks, and DR 5/piercing for its duration. Melee attacking a wearer in this form requires a DC 16 Reflex save or the attacker skewers himself on 1d3 spiking bolts on their first attack. On any melee attack, electing to take 1d3 bolts voluntarily negates the AC bonus granted to the wearer for that attack. An attacking creature struck by bolts loses any remaining attacks for the round after the current attack is resolved.
Spending one mythic power or sacrificing the DR benefit provided grants the choice of either tripling bolt density increasing bolts striking to 1d3+3, or lengthening them increasing their damage to 1d8 each. Spending two mythic power grants both.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Mythic Crafter, thorn body; Cost 13,500 gp
I liked it well enough, and liked the name. The randomness seemed like it would be a fun way to travel around, but I found myself voting for the other item as much as I voted for this. Like you said, sound, but not "it".Here's mine. This may not be the final, final form as I may have done some last few edits in the submission field.
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COAT OF THE ETERNAL VAGABOND
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Thanks for voting at all! And thanks for the feedback.
First time entering this year. Would love some feedback!
Choker of Spell Stifling
Aura faint illusion (glamer); CL 3rd
Slot neck; Price 4,200 gp; Weight —
Description
This necklace of featureless cold-iron links fastens with a locking clasp, operated by a small, rune-marked key.The wearer of a choker of spell stifling may speak normally, but is unable to cast spells with verbal components.
The choker may only be placed on a willing or helpless subject. Securing or removing the necklace with the key is a full-round action that provokes attacks of opportunity.
Removing the choker without the key requires a DC 30 Disable Device check or a DC 26 Strength check. A choker of spell stifling has hardness 10 and 5 hit points.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, silence; Cost 2,100 gp
This, for me, is less of a wondrous item and more of a cursed item, so it didn't get my vote when I saw it.
Abiding Light
You missed a comma in your Price and Cost
You have a love of interjections in your writing I see. Not necessarily bad but on something this short it was a little hard to read.
Whoa overpowered! All that dispelling for only 4,000 gp? I'd like 3 please.
Seriously you've got so much going and with little to no flavor text to link the disparate powers together.
I'd be curious to see how you arrived at the price point...
I wanted to see some flavor from this and it didn't deliver...there were other candle items submitted this year that I think you'd do well to look at and compare yours to.
Overall, it's a good name with some good seeds of an idea...you just need to reel in the power and work on making me imagine the item.
Battleforge Gauntlets
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot hands; Price 50,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
The stiff, thick leather on these gauntlets is surprisingly hard to flex. Tarnished heat spots cover the well-used material and run up to the elbow. A soft layer of black virgin wool sits under the leather and cools the hands.Battleforge gauntlets let the wearer draw any masterwork melee weapon with which they are proficient out of their surroundings as a standard action. A weapon created by using the gauntlets absorbs properties and looks like it was made from the target. Anything drawn from an element such as fire gains the corresponding weapon special ability. Instantaneous effects such as a burst or an explosion allow a weapon to be created—and gives the corresponding weapon special ability—on a successful Reflex save if the source of the effect allows that save. The wearer takes any damage on a successful Reflex save as specified by the source.
Once per day a weapon can be drawn out of a creature. The creature suffers the weapon’s base damage with no modifiers on a successful touch attack. Anything created from a creature is treated as having the bane weapon special ability against that creature’s type.
Battleforge gauntlets can create only one weapon at a time. Drawing another weapon causes the previous one to crumble or disappear. Weapons created by battleforge gauntlets crumble or disappear if separated from both gauntlets.
I really like the idea behind this item. Who wouldn't love to yank a weapon out of their surroundings?!
I think that if you established parameters on the type of weapon drawn, such as a total of +2 in abilities or magic or something along those lines, then adjusted your price to accommodate the prices of those kinds of weapons, the mechanics would be a bit tighter. With an item this complex, I also think that only one short line of fluff text at the beginning is necessary.
Hope this helps with your future design projects!
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Bracer of Forceful Restraint
I upvoted this a lot, its clear, good. Don't know why you aren't building monsters
Mask of the Wayang
Aura moderate illusion; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 1 lbThis wooden mask is carved into the likeness of a grinning Wayang. As a standard action, the wearer of the mask can become a shadow of equal size and shape against any adjacent wall, giving him a +10 to stealth checks. The wearer can use this ability 3 times per day lasting for 5 minutes per use. Cancelling this effect takes a standard action and materializes you within 5 feet of the flat surface he was occupying. For this ability to work, there must be a light source of any kind. Should all light go out while in this form, the wearer is instantly ejected from the wall, knocking him prone, dazing him for one round and receiving 2d6 damage.
While in this form, the wearer cannot speak, manipulate items, attack, or cast spells though spell effects cast before entering this state still persist. While using this ability the wearer is immune to all forms of damage, however area effect spells still affect him normally.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items; shadow walk Cost 10,000 gpthis was formatted correctly when I posted it submitted it, I just copied and pasted from the original document. This item made it past the culling, I am just curious as to how it wasn't quite up to muster. Thank you.
I really liked this item, I think the only thing that kept you out of the top 32 was your use of rules language. For example: "Should all light go out while in this form, the wearer is instantly ejected from the wall, knocking him prone, dazing him for one round and receiving 2d6 damage" should have been written more like this: "If the user enters an area completely devoid of light while using this ability, the user is instantly ejected from the wall. The user takes 2d6 damage, is knocked prone and is dazed for one round."
Work a little bit on your use of rules language and I'm confident that you'll make it through next year.
Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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Glaring mask
Aura faint enchantment; CL 5th
Slot Head; Price 5000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This smooth, white, frowning ceramic mask, gives the wearer an imposing and menacing look.
The wearer gains a +2 competence bonus on Intimidate checks, and whenever targeted by a charge attack, the power of the mask can be activated as an immediate action.
The charging creature must succeed at a DC 15 will save or stop his charge 5 feet before the intended position and be dazed for 1 turn.
This is a mind-affecting effect that relies on sight. The target must be able to see the wearer, and capable of paying attention to him.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, confusion, the creator must have 4 ranks in Intimidate; Cost 2500 gp
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RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
aka FaxCelestis
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Thunderstorm Mantle
This item was too random for me. Way too much rolling involved. 1d4+2 rounds, 1d3 skewers for 1d6 damage...
I would have liked this item far far more if it was more consistent.
Boots of Spellwalking
Ahhh I remember these!
First ability - moving before and after and it's almost like a charge where he has to move at least 10 ft. That's...ok but it's not that cool of an ability. I'm guessing you wanted a flyby Cure X Wounds?
Second ability - More interesting...substituting somatic components with a stomp. Does this work in all situations? When you're tied up? Pinned? Lose Dex bonus? Gotta think of questions like these.
I'm not sure why it has to be a spell that affects an area...why can't it simply be for spells with somatic components?
Kind of a stiff DC to just stomp your foot.
Not sure why you have the origination point move...I honestly don't know spells that have somatic components that are longer than instantaneous that are AoE and originate on the caster? Help on this?
Overall, I think you got too complicated in your idea and it didn't come out simple enough in the writing. It's a good seed of an idea but it just gets lost by the end of it.
Manservant Mannequin
Wildly imaginative and creative; I liked it. I don't know if it needed the alarm aspect, but I can see how that fits in. Seems like the number of uses for the swapping should be limited. An at-will dimension door, even with the limitation of needing the mannequin and the reduced range might cost out at about 100,000 gp in my estimates.
I liked it for the murderhobo vibe it displayed, it does make it somewhat harder for the GM as it can derail adventures...
COAT OF THE ETERNAL VAGABOND
I have to say the very last thing on my mind when I designed it was murderhobos. Would you explain to me why you thought of that? You might have liked it but that's actually a design element I'd rather avoid...
As for the latter, I was aware of this, and took the risk (which was probably a bad idea in the end). I thought it'd be good for a sandbox style campaign. As a GM whose players derail things regularly, it would just be par for the course, but I agree with you it is an issue. Thanks for the feedback.
I see a man just appearing at the edge of town, and death follows.....
Not what you wanted but boy does it suit the murderhobo.
Well, he'd have to time his killing sprees/hiding out between the 1/day use pretty well.
Although now that you mention it, I actually like the idea as a plot/MO for a villain.... ;)
What, you didn't see that use when you wrote it?? And you call yourself DeathQuaker???
Shawl, Spell-Mirror
I would absolutely want this, but the price and the mythic tier were just things I didn’t' have enough experience with to know if it was balanced. On first glance I thought it was an artifact and during voting more times than not a cheaper item with just a couple of well-focused abilities won out.
This, for me, is less of a wondrous item and more of a cursed item, so it didn't get my vote when I saw it.First time entering this year. Would love some feedback!
Choker of Spell Stifling
Aura faint illusion (glamer); CL 3rd
Slot neck; Price 4,200 gp; Weight —
Description
This necklace of featureless cold-iron links fastens with a locking clasp, operated by a small, rune-marked key.The wearer of a choker of spell stifling may speak normally, but is unable to cast spells with verbal components.
The choker may only be placed on a willing or helpless subject. Securing or removing the necklace with the key is a full-round action that provokes attacks of opportunity.
Removing the choker without the key requires a DC 30 Disable Device check or a DC 26 Strength check. A choker of spell stifling has hardness 10 and 5 hit points.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, silence; Cost 2,100 gp
I agree, this is an item you inflict upon another person, not use yourself. It's a pretty cool concept, that kind of weaponized wondrous item, but I think most people are looking for items that let their own characters do cool new things. The time I actually made the cut was when I wrote an item that did something (i.e. a standard action), instead of just being worn.
Bracelet of the Peaceful Dove
Overall, I think this item was well balanced and cost-appropriate. I like the imagery of the dove and its effects, though I wasn’t entirely sure that the -5 penalty on Bluff checks was really a hindrance as I'd just have my PC take the bracelet off before attempting to bluff. Otherwise, well done, I voted for this one quite a bit.
What, you didn't see that use when you wrote it?? And you call yourself DeathQuaker???I liked it for the murderhobo vibe it displayed, it does make it somewhat harder for the GM as it can derail adventures...
COAT OF THE ETERNAL VAGABOND
I have to say the very last thing on my mind when I designed it was murderhobos. Would you explain to me why you thought of that? You might have liked it but that's actually a design element I'd rather avoid...
As for the latter, I was aware of this, and took the risk (which was probably a bad idea in the end). I thought it'd be good for a sandbox style campaign. As a GM whose players derail things regularly, it would just be par for the course, but I agree with you it is an issue. Thanks for the feedback.
I see a man just appearing at the edge of town, and death follows.....
Not what you wanted but boy does it suit the murderhobo.
Well, he'd have to time his killing sprees/hiding out between the 1/day use pretty well.
Although now that you mention it, I actually like the idea as a plot/MO for a villain.... ;)
You know what the "Quaker" part of that means, right? I have an unfortunate tendency to expect the best in people.
In the interest of being fair (and reviewing every item)
Battleforge Gauntlets
Name - Obviously one of the judges hated nounverb names so this must not be that good. Perhaps something like Forging Gauntlets would have been better.
I would have chopped the 2nd sentence of fluff out.
It's a cool idea with complexity behind it...but it missed out on an opportunity by failing to designate + bonuses (+1, +2, etc.) With a price that high this might have been served well with that kind of tiering.
Overall, this could have been really good but is instead only alright because of missed opportunity.
A little comment for everyone who reviews this...
I am totally kicking myself now because my original version HAD text about +'s and pricing for that. I took it out because that part ended up being really complicated and chewed through wordcount.
Glaring mask
Aura faint enchantment; CL 5th
Slot Head; Price 5000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This smooth, white, frowning ceramic mask, gives the wearer an imposing and menacing look.
The wearer gains a +2 competence bonus on Intimidate checks, and whenever targeted by a charge attack, the power of the mask can be activated as an immediate action.
The charging creature must succeed at a DC 15 will save or stop his charge 5 feet before the intended position and be dazed for 1 turn.
This is a mind-affecting effect that relies on sight. The target must be able to see the wearer, and capable of paying attention to him.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, confusion, the creator must have 4 ranks in Intimidate; Cost 2500 gp
I really like this item. The immediate action use is pretty special, and very functional for certain kinds of combat encounters. I would just try to kill any adjectives that are not 100% necessary; you can clean up a lot of the first sentence that way. Pay close attention to pronouns and capitalizations as well.
Ah, it's here! It'll be fun to actually participate in this for once. :p
Disclaimer:
I'll tell you what I told Anthony: As I mentioned a few times, this was sort of slapped together in three hours while I was hung over on New Years' Day. I woke up at 10 AM with an idea for a headdress with a sort of Native American "trail of tears" flavor. Slave driving, or something. Sort of an ironic twist with the native wear being the slave-enabling item.
I originally had an ability that was synergistic with the maneuvers, but it wasn't very exciting. I eventually settled on a sort of "creepy dark circus" image (even if it doesn't come through all too well), and thought of the wearer as a marionette puppeteer (the technical term of which is "Manipulator").
I'm aware of a lot of the more glaring issues (no usage limits, forgot the "gp" after cost, DC's are way too high, CL is off, etc...). Be gentle to my fragile ego. :p
Manipulator's Headdress
Aura moderate enchantment and transmutation; CL 8th
Slot head; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
Dark willow branches and cords of beaded leather cascade from this headdress, trailing behind the wearer in supple lashes. Upon the tip of each branch a single black feather lilts in the breeze, as if trying to escape in vain.
As a standard action, the wearer may whip the lashes at a creature within 10 feet in an attempt to individually bind its wrists and ankles. The creature must possess distinct limbs and be within one size category of the wearer. It must succeed at a Reflex save (DC 20) or else gain the entangled condition. The lashes anchor the captive creature to the headdress, and no amount of pulling on them can affect the wearer. To escape, the creature must succeed at an Escape Artist or Strength check (DC 24).
The wearer may use the lashes on his captive from a distance to perform a trip, drag, or reposition combat maneuver as a standard action. These maneuvers do not provoke attacks of opportunity. The wearer may also increase or decrease the length of the lashes by 5 feet as a free action, up to a maximum of 30 feet.
As a full-round action, the wearer may impose his full will upon the captive, moving the creature’s body as if it were his own unless the creature succeeds at a will save (DC 24). Any actions performed in this way are not hindered by the entanglement. The wearer cannot use any of the creature’s feats, spells, or other special abilities, but can move, attack, and use items normally. These actions do not prevent the creature from taking its own turn.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, entangle, martial marionette; Cost 5,000
(298 words, 299 with missing "gp". Phew!)
In the week after submission, I took some time to give it a second and third draft. I like to think that this iteration of the item may have stood a much better chance of getting through (although I did keep my usual bad habit of maxing out the word limit). :p
Manipulator’s Headdress
Aura moderate enchantment and transmutation; CL 7th
Slot head; Price 15,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
Dark willow branches and strips of beaded leather cascade from this headdress, interweaving to form long, supple lashes. Upon the tip of each lash a single black feather lilts in the breeze—as if trying to escape in vain.
By whipping the lashes as a standard action, the wearer may attempt to bind each of the wrists and ankles of a single limbed creature within 10 feet. The creature becomes entangled and anchored to the headdress unless it succeeds at a Reflex save (DC 18). To escape, the captive creature may attempt a full-round Escape Artist or Strength check (DC 22), or try cutting the lashes with a slashing weapon (hardness 5, 10 hit points per captive limb).
As free actions, the wearer may release the captive or adjust the length of the lashes up to a maximum of 30 feet. Anywhere within this range, he may perform trip, drag, or reposition combat maneuvers on the captive as standard actions. These maneuvers do not provoke attacks of opportunity.
As a full-round action, the wearer may attempt to take complete control of the captive’s body unless it succeeds at a Will save (DC 22). The wearer can move, attack, and manipulate items normally as the creature, but does not gain access to the captive’s thoughts, senses, feats, skills, spells, or special abilities. Actions taken in this way are not hindered by the entanglement effect and do not prevent the creature from taking its own turn or making saves. After this turn, the lashes release the captive.
Once released by any means, the same creature cannot be bound again for a full day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, entangle, martial marionette; Cost 7,500 gp
(300 words :p)
Mask of the Wayang
Aura moderate illusion; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 1 lbThis wooden mask is carved into the likeness of a grinning Wayang. As a standard action, the wearer of the mask can become a shadow of equal size and shape against any adjacent wall, giving him a +10 to stealth checks. The wearer can use this ability 3 times per day lasting for 5 minutes per use. Cancelling this effect takes a standard action and materializes you within 5 feet of the flat surface he was occupying. For this ability to work, there must be a light source of any kind. Should all light go out while in this form, the wearer is instantly ejected from the wall, knocking him prone, dazing him for one round and receiving 2d6 damage.
While in this form, the wearer cannot speak, manipulate items, attack, or cast spells though spell effects cast before entering this state still persist. While using this ability the wearer is immune to all forms of damage, however area effect spells still affect him normally.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items; shadow walk Cost 10,000 gpthis was formatted correctly when I posted it submitted it, I just copied and pasted from the original document. This item made it past the culling, I am just curious as to how it wasn't quite up to muster. Thank you.
I really liked this item, I think the only thing that kept you out of the top 32 was your use of rules language. For example: "Should all light go out while in this form, the wearer is instantly ejected from the wall, knocking him prone, dazing him for one round and receiving 2d6 damage" should have been written more like this: "If the user enters an area completely devoid of light while using this ability, the user is instantly ejected from the wall. The user takes 2d6 damage, is knocked prone and is dazed for one round."
Work a little bit on your use of rules language and I'm confident that you'll make it through next year.
Thank you, for the advice. I am happy that the item was solid in design and that you think the wording was just a bit off.
Thunderstorm Mantle
Thoughts:
You fell in the magicly billowing cloak trap
Your first power is fun, but I do expect a more sonic effect as its finish based upon description.
Not quite sure if I like the second batch of powers, are you trying to do too much?
Don't know anything about mythic so I won't comment.
Final thoughts: maybe the butterflies would have fared better?
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Astral Thief's Opera Gloves
I quite liked these gloves but they were a little whimsical in nature...and it seems too much so.
It was a bold move to have 2 separate gloves with separate powers and I applaud your decision. That is creative and cool. Unfortunately...it didn't help because doing it really cuts your wordcount to 150 words per glove which may or may not be enough.
Perhaps it was the secondary powers on each glove...they felt a little tacked on like you thought "These need to be interesting to the combat crowd so I'll give them these abilities that kind of fit"
Overall, I really did like them but I would have rather seen a more focused item. Even with the bold decision to have 2 gloves that are different...that idea alone wasn't enough to pull the execution up to Top 32.
Provocateur’s Pamphlet
(snip)
Love the idea! Really, very clever.
My only issue is that to use it, I would prefer more specific guidelines on what the message can contain and how it influences the reader -- if the pamphlet is inscribed with "down with the monarchy," would the reader go and try to assassinate the king? With just suggestion as the basis for its ability, probably not, but that's not really clear ("reasonable concordance" may not cut it, depending). I might also suggest removing the charm effect related to the author--especially as the reader might not ever meet the author. And removing that property would have given you more room to describe its other influence.
Spellmason's Mallet
I remember this and I liked it a lot. Good strong name and a cool ability.
Your last sentence absolutely KILLED the item for me. It is a weapon. Plain and simple.
I'll let others critique this more but that literally made me downvote this every time after I realized. (I saw this ALOT).
Overall, it was fun and gave non-magical types the ability to affect magic walls...but it was a weapon.
You know what the "Quaker" part of that means, right? I have an unfortunate tendency to expect the best in people.What, you didn't see that use when you wrote it?? And you call yourself DeathQuaker???I liked it for the murderhobo vibe it displayed, it does make it somewhat harder for the GM as it can derail adventures...
COAT OF THE ETERNAL VAGABOND
I have to say the very last thing on my mind when I designed it was murderhobos. Would you explain to me why you thought of that? You might have liked it but that's actually a design element I'd rather avoid...
As for the latter, I was aware of this, and took the risk (which was probably a bad idea in the end). I thought it'd be good for a sandbox style campaign. As a GM whose players derail things regularly, it would just be par for the course, but I agree with you it is an issue. Thanks for the feedback.
I see a man just appearing at the edge of town, and death follows.....
Not what you wanted but boy does it suit the murderhobo.
Well, he'd have to time his killing sprees/hiding out between the 1/day use pretty well.
Although now that you mention it, I actually like the idea as a plot/MO for a villain.... ;)
I know a little about it, but the Death part should have shouted the possibilities. I am too much of a cynic, but I like it when people surprise me when they do good.
Thunderstorm Mantle
Fun cloak. Remove the randomness. Its abilities need to be stronger to merit its price. 1d3*1d6 damage for 27k is disappointing. The negating full attacks is interesting. The dropping DR for more powerful offense could be cool but mostly feels weak. Why piercing damage and not electricity? Mainly needs to be stronger.
RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16
,
Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9
aka Arkos
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Here's my item! I saw it mentioned a few times in the Ramble thread, so I'll post some spoiler-style self-critique below.
Sun Wukong's Puzzle Box
Aura moderate conjuration and illusion; CL 10th
Slot none; Cost 25,200 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
The plainly lacquered exterior of this wooden puzzle box cunningly hides the devious clockwork mechanism beneath. Once per day, the user may unlock a puzzle box as a standard action that creates two simultaneous effects. First, a shower of golden sparks envelops the user, causing her to become invisible and immediately teleporting her 20 feet in a direction of her choice. Second, a swarm of howling monkeys (Bestiary 2 212) bursts from the same square the user left.
Although the swarm is not under the mental control of the user, the monkeys will consciously keep at least 20 feet from the user at all times. The swarm attempts to surround as many opponents as possible, but otherwise acts as mad monkeys with a CMB of +12. The monkeys' antics provide a -10 circumstance penalty to locate the invisible user as long as they remain within 100 feet.
Both the invisibility effect and the monkey swarm last for ten rounds. Dispelling one of the effects does not dispel the other.
The mechanism inside a puzzle box makes use of magic aura to disguise its effects as greater polymorph.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dimension door, invisibility, mad monkeys, magic aura, creator must be chaotic; Cost 12,600 gp
If only I'd paid more attention...
This item sat in my folders as "The Mischief-Maker" for months before I went back to edit. But I found an opportunity to bring in one of my favorite Pathfinder deities, since Sun Wukong had made the transition to Tian Xia! An item any trickster would want, and monkey-themed to boot? I was sold.
After submission, someone at some point mentioned League of Legends again, and I learned that Sun Wukong has an in-game ability to cast mislead, basically exactly like the spell. It was a close enough call that I regretted that particular choice and was terrified I'd be DQ'ed for IP violation.
Actually, my inspiration came from some 2nd Ed items in the Complete Rogue's Handbook called the Amulets of Dramatic Death! Those made for some amazingly weird adventures.
Anyway, I love tricksy, and apparently I also love gonzo. So this was a fun item to submit. I'm glad others liked it as well! This is my second year of the competition, and I can only hope to improve next year.
Back to working on my monster! Just in case...
Stanhope of Bloody Roots
This was an interesting item with an attention grabbing name. Good start.
I'm already leery when seeing CL 3rd and a 32,000gp price tag.
You've got some sentence structure issues. It hurts pride but I would seriously advise having a group or a person who is really good at the technical aspects of English review your items...I know it hurt me to finally admit that and get help from outside myself.
I think you went a little overboard on the powers and especially the scar hex...it came right out of nowhere.
That's a lot of GM work to come up with all that family history...waaaaay to much work.
Overall, if you work on focusing on powers to be tightly themed together and have someone help revise writing...you've got some good ideas that are quirky and wouldn't be surprised if you made it to the Top someday.
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Well, I made the Bucket Hat, somewhat at the last minute whilst embroiled in this particular thread:
http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qi6d?Is-the-Slumber-hex-uniquely-game-changing
It got past the cull. Shame it didn't get any further. I'd have loved all those giants and demons to have had to wonder around with one of these stuck on their heads:
http://headstarthats.co.uk/images/Beige-and-White-Bucket-Hat.jpg
- just in case there was some nasty Witch hiding in the bushes.
- especially if they'd also had it embroidered it with some cute little picture or writing on the side.
I never kept the entry - hadn't realised it was going to disappear into the ether, actually. But for those who didn't see it, it used Create Water to pour 2 gallons of water per round onto your head if you fell asleep with it on.
Richard