The Unoffical JMD031 Bad Pun Countdown Thread


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Liberty's Edge

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.


Buffalo Garofalo Buffalo Buttafuoco buffalo buffalo Buffalo Ruffalo.

Dark Archive

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So in The Dark World, Thor's up all night to get Loki?


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Cosmo3PO wrote:
So in The Dark World, Thor's up all night to get Loki?

Yes and he was still Thor in the morning after.


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Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Lost Omens Subscriber

Know how you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.
And to catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it.


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Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Lost Omens Subscriber

Did you hear Sherlock Holmes was audited by HM Revenue & Customs? Evidently he made too many deductions.


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Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Lost Omens Subscriber

A man ran into a doctor's office. "Tell the doctor I need to see her right away. I think I'm shrinking!"

The receptionist calmly responded, "Please settle down, sir. You'll just have to be a little patient."


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Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Lost Omens Subscriber

A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues.

According to a department spokesperson, the police have absolutely nothing to go on.


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Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Lost Omens Subscriber

Two Inuits were sitting in a kayak and got quite chilly. One lit a fire in the craft, but of course it sank. This proves that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Sovereign Court

Methinks Thunderspirit is shooting for the title of Master of the Zinger ...

Dark Archive

The squeaky punner gets smashed with TOZ's d20 of head bludgeoning.

Dark Archive

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The Master of Many Zingers would make an interesting monk archetype. Flurry of Puns could be devastating.


Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Lost Omens Subscriber

Monk/Bard hybrid? Hmm...


What do you call a satanist from Oklahoma?

Beelzebubba.


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Haven't seen JMD031 in this thread for a while. He must have found it...

(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)

...too "pun-ishing."


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What do you call a mosquito that possesses your ear at 3 am and cannot be cast out?

Beelzebug.


I don't think he's coming back dude.


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The Soft Rock Wars plod into their third year, and in the trenches of the 41st Hall and Oates, Lance Captain Longears and his ten eels are in Dire Straits!

"ELO? ELO? ELO?! Drat this Telephone Line! Private Dancer, is that you? Is it your Tina Turner as Comms Officer? Listen, we're under attack by Night Rangers and they've already overrun our John Cougar Mellencamp, which means ALL OUR JOHN COUGAR MELONS ARE IN ENEMY HANDS!!! Hold The Line and Lieutenant Love will be along in five minutes? I'll have you know that Love isn't always on time! We're out of ammo - we're down to using Styx! What's that - you'll send over some Carpenters, in that case? Very funny - don't make me Christopher Cross, Private! We need Cher support, and fast! Over and out!"

Then, through the clouds of dry ice and over the boom of Simmonds drums , a sound can be heard...


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Is it some of that new-fangled pun-k music?


Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Lost Omens Subscriber

Cannibals refuse to eat clowns, claiming they taste funny.


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Again from a game thread, we avoided a fight with a number of Mammon's (Archdevil of Avarice & Wealth) troops.

Appario Lind wrote:

At the disappearance of the Mammon treasure hounds, Appario turns to Derek.

"What kind of dogs do you think they were? 'Gold'en retrievers? Pit Bullions? Dollarmatians?" Appario wonders.

That did not go over well:

Maddok wrote:
I hate you so much right now.

What kind of jerk doesn't like dog puns?

Sheesh. What a Cockapoo.

What do you say to a Mammon Treasure hound?
Yes, I would like to make a de-paws-it.


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thunderspirit wrote:
Cannibals refuse to eat clowns, claiming they taste funny.

Now I'm imagining Randy Newman as a purple worm singing "You've Got A Friend In Me" after swallowing a party member.


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Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
thunderspirit wrote:
Cannibals refuse to eat clowns, claiming they taste funny.
Now I'm imagining Randy Newman as a purple worm singing "You've Got A Friend In Me" after swallowing a party member.

And me about to run Cindermaw....


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Baby gobs refer to St. Nick as Santa Caus, because there's noel.

Except Lil Doodlebug, who always called him NeoCapitalist Sweatshop Labor-Profiteer Idol of the Consumerist Lumpenproletariat.


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the maharaja of a small province i india decided that it would be illegal to kill any animal for any reason. The province was soon overrun by all manner of fauna, the local populace soon decided to give the man the old heave ho. A local newspaper reported it was first time a reign was called on account of game

(Please note, this doesn't have to be set in india, its just how i heard it the first time)

Dark Archive

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Galena, the oread, recently ended her rocky relationship with her shaitan boyfriend, Clay, just weeks before their slated wedding. Even though he was a gneiss guy, he constantly took her for granite and wouldn't talc about his feelings. While the split would be tuff, he mostly would miss her marbleous cleavage and their frequent fracking. Weather they were ever really in laava is hotly debated.

JMD013, whose fenite patience finally eroded, told everyone in this post they were full of schist and to go to shale.


3 people marked this as a favorite.

It's JMD031...dang it


I tried to catch some fog, but mist.


When a chemist dies, do they barium?


German sausage jokes are the wurst.


If a soldier survived mustard gas and pepper spray, would he be a seasoned veteran?


I stayed up all last night to see where the sun went. Finally it dawned on me.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

A girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I've never met herbivore.


I started reading a book on the theory of anti-gravity and now I can't put it down.


My medical records say I have Type-A blood, but that's a Type-O.


This internet video I'm watching is as pointless as a broken pencil.


At first I hated my beard, but it grew on me.


The cross-eyed teacher at the local school got fired because she couldn't control her pupils.


If a clock is still hungry does it go back four seconds?


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England may not have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.


I used to be a banker but I lost interest.


Would you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary a thesaurus?


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I took a class on Communism but dropped out because of lousy Marx.


I took a job at the bakery because I kneaded the dough.


Velcro is big rip-off.


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Did you hear about the sentient tree that loves to cause a scene when he arrives? Yeah, he loves to make big ent rants.


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How about the guy who wrote bad jokes anonymously? He used a pun name. (Or if you prefer the French, a nom de pun.)


Would you be interested in adult swim diapers? They're called "Deep Ends".


Bob: So, what do you think about those South American crocodilians?

Joe: They're OK, man.

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