Find RPG Superstar Finalists Working on the Unhallowed Horror Setting!

[Troskoski]

We've just begun the Unhallowed Adventure Path Kickstarter Campaign! We wanted to announce this dark horror fantasy setting to fans of the RPG Superstar competition because our design staff and stretch goal contributors include no less than THREE finalists in the RPG Superstar competition!
You knew him as the over-the-top designer of the very first RPG Superstar competition. We have kidnapped Clinton Boomer and presently hold him in the basement until time to reveal him as one of our stretch goal designers. Clinton has a love for the genre and great knowledge of all things creepy and horrific.
Our writing staff and stretch goal offerings have no shortage of rock stars, but there's only one Vrock Star. Popular Superstar 2013 finalist Scott Fernandez is present on our list of stretch goal designers. Everyone knows he brings the fun, and no one doubts the designer of the yellowtongue hulk knows how to scare PCs with fearsome weirdness.
Lastly, there's a champion on our list. RPG Superstar Steven T Helt loves dark, gritty scenes and combats. You'll see no shortage of those when Tears at Bitter Manor is available. Now he takes on the role of creative director for the Unhallowed setting. He and his team of Horsemen and Harbingers is working hard to provide a chilling adventure path with plenty of twists and challenging encounters. After that, they're designing a setting full of dangerous NPCs, terrifying stories, and new mechanics for players and GMs.

Come support The Unhallowed Kickstarter and tell these designers what you want to see in a creepy horror setting. We can't wait to see you all there!

Tony Troskoski
The Unhallowed

[MattR1986]

Just some constructive criticism...this is all I know about the project: Its dark horror fantasy and

Quote:

A world in crisis is in need of heroes! As faith wanes, the influence of evil is spreading like a shadow upon the world. Unspeakable horrors have the civilized races fleeing their communities to the safety of the major city-states, as they attempt to find safety in numbers within their overcrowded walls.

It says the AP is almost done. I would think giving more information, maybe a teaser, would help the project a lot.

[Troskoski]

Thanks Matt!

We are recompiling an abridged version of some of our setting and AP info, and will be updating the top 'introduction' section of the KS page soon. Thanks for the feedback!

Tony Troskoski
The Unhallowed

[Troskoski]

I just wanted to update: I have just posted an Adventure Synopsis of the first adventure on the KS page, per your suggestion. Thanks again!

Tony Troskoski
The Unhallowed

[Template Fu]

He, he, I offered my reviewing to Steven, so in the spirit, here are a couple of things I spotted on the KS page... (and to let Steven know I mean business :P)

"Unspeakable horrors have the civilized races fleeing their communities to the safety of the major city-states, as they attempt to find safety in numbers within their overcrowded walls."

Major city-states are also communities, so you might consider adding "remote" or "outlying" or similar to the opener there. As they are fleeing "to the safety of", the part starting ", as they attempt..." is completely superfluous.

In the synopsis, you start a reading pattern of "they have given" and on the third beat, change to "They give..." - this sudden tense change is jarring.

So, Steven, lol, are you really sure you want me to help? Grin.

[MattR1986]

A community could be a catch-all to refer to sparsely populated rural group, to a village to a small city etc. I don't see any issue with the wording since it's implied people are going from non city-state communities to city-states.

I also don't see an issue with the attempt part, so here is personally how I would reword that section to make it clearer and more interesting:

BEFORE wrote:

Unspeakable horrors have the civilized races fleeing their communities to the safety of the major city-states, as they attempt to find safety in numbers within their overcrowded walls.

AFTER:

Unfathomable horrors have the civilized races fleeing their communities to seek refuge in massive city-states. People pour in by the thousands and dangerously overpopulate these cities, desperately hoping the high walls can protect them from terrifying monstrosities that lurk beyond the gates...

[Anthony Adam]

Its the double safety use that trips me up, if that makes sense.

You rewording is better, but if you changed where the first safety is to read as "communities to the major city-states' , then you only have the word safety in the reason sentence.

I hope that's clearer.

[MattR1986]

I see what you're saying now about reusing the word safety and agree about not using it twice in one sentence. Feel free to use my rewrite if you like it though I don't think Trokoski is tracking this thread any more.

[Steven T. Helt]

I'll get him to take a look at it. Be nice to him though. He hired writers for this sort of thing. :)

[MattR1986]

No offense intended. It just sounded like an interesting project I wouldn't mind contributing to, so I gave small advice on the wording since it was brought up.

[Kilrex]

Any clues as to where we should start looking for the finalists? Do we have to find them as individuals or can we create a sleuthing team? Are they wearing disguises of any sort? What do we do with them once they are found? What kind of prize do we get for finding them?

Not sure if I would want to delve into the world of Boomer to find him... {shudders}

[Anthony Adam]

I think the finalists ARE the Unhallowed Horrors of which we speak!

So I guess if you catch one, it's fire, drowning, staking in the heart, decapitation, and other means of legendary dispatchment that need to be employed :D

[Steven T. Helt]

Like you'd get off that easy. :b

[Troskoski]

I am still tracking this thread! :D

I have just recently reworded that section, and remedied the safety/safety thing. That was a good spot! Thanks!

More updates are being done today, and I will try to address other presentation issues as I work on the layout. Thanks for all the feedback!

@Kilrex: Hahaha, nice!

Tony Troskoski
The Unhallowed

[Anthony Adam]

As promised to Steven, I am very happy to help review anything you would like to have a Template Fu/Map Fu going over if you think it would be of use to you.

[Troskoski]

Thanks, Anthony!

Tony Troskoski
The Unhallowed

[Stereofm]

I of course have joined. Looks interesting.

[Orcus Of Undeath]

Hmmm, looking at the campaign you don't really offer much to the backer as far as information and the visuals go, and that's a really important thing. First of all you've only got ONE update telling people how you are doing and thanking them. You should have been updating every other day with new information about the game, vlogs, small entries and the such ... Secondly your campaign contains VERY little visual incentive, and people will usually go for that first. Your pledge system lacks a pledge between 1 and 25 dollars. Not everyone is really to commit that much, especially to newcomers. Other than that you should have ads going on Facebook and Kicktraq or another website. That'd cost you a couple of hundred bucks.

Other than that, the video of the lead designer does almost nothing to convince me that this is the real deal. Many have tried that kinda of thing and most have utterly failed. Why should the backer take your word for it, especially when its being so vague? You have a short Synopsis, but other than that you don't present to the backer what the product is going to be like, and what can he/she expect when its finished. A blind backer is no backer. You won't be getting funds from people who don't know what exactly you are trying to do.

So my advice: Get some more art, get at least one or two ads going, do way more updates and I cannot stress this enough: go to podcasts, blogs, gaming websites and talk to people. Get them to feature you on their blog/show/podcast. You'll benefit MUCH from that. So less focus on what the people involved have done and more focus on what you are trying to do now. Fame will get you far only if you are an industry veteran or if you've had a fluke and gotten something very popular published.

That's my advice for you.

[ShadowcatX]

Did all of y'all just disappear?

Edit: I see y'all did an update to the kickstarter a couple days ago.

[Anthony Adam]

I'm still around.

I have been busy trying to have a go at some creative fantasy story type writing (link posted to Off Topic Discussion forum and to Blazing 9 for anyone wanting to have a look / comment on the story thus far). So that's probably why I have been so quiet the last few days.