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As my paladin, I am no longer allowed to take 20 searching a door for traps, announce "It's all clear!" and then declare that I open the door and step through into the 70 foot pit on the other side. At level 2.
As my magus, I am no longer allowed to bite incorporeal undead. Even if it did kill the last one I tried it on.
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No longer allowed to give the Goblin Greater Invisibility/Silence to let him a Stealth check in the 60s.
No longer allowed to let the goblin negotiate for the party.
No longer allowed to call Drendle Dreg 'That old coot'.
No longer allowed to ask Osprey 'who is dead' when he shows up. (even though you KNOW there will be a dead pathfinder lying around tied to him)
Not allowed to laugh hysterically (in character) while not telling the rest of the players how the Bard just sent 2 dozen goblins to Heidmarch manor (or how they think of it as 'our new base')
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No longer allowed to tell people that the Petrified Ooze is medicine or a potion in handy easy to chew form.
-j
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My wife is no longer allowed to befriend a Creepy Doll Trap and send it on our enemies, even if they deserve it.
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My inquisitor of Zon-Kuthon and a fellow players Cleric of Asmodeus are no longer allowed to practice law within the confines of Citadel Vraidby order of Lictor Severs DiVri
My inquisitor is also not allowed to explain the finer points of his religion in graphic detail.
My Magus is not allowed to seduce Pharasma, even if he has visited her 6 times.
The Party is no longer allowed to throw the Dwarf Barbarian at monsters.
If not used during combat Intensified Shocking Grasp's are not to be used as joy buzzers when greeting a Xorn, who claims you stole his food.
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Things I'm not allowed to do... Ah, I know some!
1.) Play my impossibly broken tetori monk.
2.) Play my dwarf barbarian.
3.) Play my blaster sorcerer without promising that every other spell will be something completely useless; I must also promise not to target the boss immediately. It's hard to fight a charred corpse.
4.) Have my characters send new recruits (see also: fodder) to Sheila Heidmarch for their first Pathfinder mission; it's an (extremely) evil act!
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No longer allowed to Have Krieghton Shane go off script and decide to take the Nagaji's temperature during the mission briefing.
Definitely not allowed to have him mix up the red and blue thermometers.
Are you still allowed to conduct full cavity searches on all the demons you kill? I mean... how else will you find their loot?
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Are you still allowed to conduct full cavity searches on all the demons you kill? I mean... how else will you find their loot?No longer allowed to Have Krieghton Shane go off script and decide to take the Nagaji's temperature during the mission briefing.
Definitely not allowed to have him mix up the red and blue thermometers.
Meat grinder. Stop when you hear the crunch.
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Meat grinder. Stop when you hear the crunch.Are you still allowed to conduct full cavity searches on all the demons you kill? I mean... how else will you find their loot?No longer allowed to Have Krieghton Shane go off script and decide to take the Nagaji's temperature during the mission briefing.
Definitely not allowed to have him mix up the red and blue thermometers.
... Touche.
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I am not allowed to skip social encounters to write poetry when I have high modifiers in Diplomacy and Sense Motive.
I may not steal a tome of necromancy for my faction mission and say that I needed it to help me write a play about Baba Yaga and her bad romances.
I am definitely not allowed to write said play about Baba Yaga and her bad romances.
I may not tell the less magically-inclined party members that necromancy is "romance but with a lot of neck action."
When running an adventure and the plot calls for the party to find a love letter, the letter does not say, "I'm gonna take you down to pound town."
I am not allowed to not-so-subtly insert the word "slip" into conversations with halflings.
The members of the Aspis Consortium do not expel liquid waste from their backsides, even though their name suggests it.
I am no longer allowed to re-enact guitar solos from 80's metal music videos during a time-sensitive mission.
Korada is properly referred to as "the empyreal lord of foresight, forgiveness, and peace," not "the demon lord of suicide, homoerotic pranks, and turtles."
The words "Asmodeus, Asmodeus, Asmodeus! Asmodeus, Asmodeus, Asmodeus! Asmodeus, Asmodeus, Asmodeus! Oh, oh, oh, Asmodeus! Come on and rock me Asmodeus!" do not appear an any Chelaxian worship song.
I may not leave the party's halfling oracle in a room alone with a naked female goblin.
I may not suggest that said oracle learn the spell Lover's Vengeance and "take the halfling paladin down to pound town."
I am not allowed to suggest that party members have names normally reserved for strippers.
I am most certainly banned from writing an opera entitled "Rock Me Sexy Asmodeus."
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My daughter is not allowed to teach the Velociraptor how to read when other people might be in the library.
My daughter will pick up the results of teaching the velociraptor how to read.
I am not to explain to Ollystria Zadrian why the prisoner was brought to her in stasis. With their pants around their ankles. With an illustrated holy book of the Seventy Seven Sacred Poses of Callistria open in their hands.
Saying "You'll be fine!" while I GM is neither appreciated nor reassuring. Apparently it leads to hairy situations. Given the death glares, I'm pretty sure the next time it's said will be my death.
Venture-Lieutenant, Indiana—Martinsville
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I am not allowed to keep repeating my character's full name everytime he is referenced in the game. That would be Lemtwist Bratham Mallentwine Flannelfoot Smyth Olgen Nathers Bingham the Third that I would be talking about.
I am not allowed to keep wearing my Lizard mask through the whole game as I play my Nagaji.
I am not allowing myself to rant about those inferior Wizard and their "Fire and forget" during a game.
I have been banned from ever saying "I hit the Gazebo" when I actually hit the gazebo. (As I did in an early 5th season scenario)
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Customer Service Representative
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I am no longer allowed to:
~animate dead pregens even if the skeletonized gunslinger retains weapon proficiencies
~animate dead pregens even it they were only controlled by the GM to make the table's 4th PC
~use Ventriloquism to bluff a Speak with Dead spell
~off-balance the cost of death at multi-table events by bringing a Staff of Life
~be a smart-allec to Ambrus Valsin about his receding hair-line
~call attention to Aram Zey's mole
~ask the Paracountess what she did with all those shoes I brought her in
~charge outside of channel radius of our cleric or life-oracle
~charge outside of the sight range of our clouded-vision oracle
~charge outside of channel radius/sight range of our clouded-vision life-oracle
~speed-run First Steps b/c everyone at the table has played it already
~lie to my faction leader that I accomplished my mission and think that they can't overcome my Bluff check
~reassure a player that their high AC with only a 5% chance of being hit by the BBEG will mean they will survive the scenario
~organize PFS events at 4 locations a week (pre my VL days)
~protest that Venture-Lieutenants *DO* exist even when there is no published material to verify this
~doubt that Sheila Heidmarch has properly prepared the party and throughly answered all of our questions
~request that Aram Zey teleport us to the location of our mission rather than send us by boat
~use the word "Priest" to describe my Razmiran sorcerer and let the party think they've got a cleric up until someone asks for me to channel
~call any class overpowered in the wake of me running
~purposefully fail my Knowledge (Religion) check so that I can call Lissala the goddess of runes, obedience, friendship, & rainbows
~accuse Osprey of being useless
~use my Batman voice when RPing Osprey
~retort accusations of Osprey being useless with "Because I'm Osprey!"
~channel my inner Ron Holgate (ala 1776) when RPing Colson Maldris
It should be for any performing bard worth his salt. Especially if you are infiltrating a group of succubi.
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I am no longer allowed to leap over two Babau and a barbarian in order to get a flank.
I am no longer allowed to get into stupid rogue vs stupid monk contests in the middle combats.
I am no longer allowed to tell the mythic Vrock that he is not demon enough to come down and fight me like a man.
I am no longer allowed to tell everyone that in my career it is "Silbeg 2, Vrocks 0"
My character, Sahak the bard, is allowed to go near mysterious statues on his own?
Why, sir, that's impossible.
My bard died two years ago.
*Scare chord*
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Whereas "I don't have to outrun the zombie horde, just you" is a fair tactic employed by adventurers of all stripes, it is considered bad form to hedge your bet with "Slow" or "Hold Person".
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I am not allowed to spend 5 rds buffing myself after we roll initiative.
"What? The encounter is over already? But I have heroism, blur, bulls str., enlarge person and prot. from evil all going on now."
I am no longer allowed to say "That's what she said" after every Sheila Heidmarch briefing.
