An American wizard's journey through RotRL


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Not Quite Paradise: Part 2

Spoiler:
“Absalom Pathfinder Society,” I typed. More than thirty-eight thousand results. I followed the first to a wiki. I was amazed by what I read. The next hour was me wiki-walking my way through hundreds of articles.

Someone had made a game like Dungeons and Dragons and set it on Golarion. And they had gotten a lot of things incredibly close to correct. Not all of it, but more than enough to be more than coincidence, though unfortunately not enough to help me. But still, was I not the only person from Earth to ever visit Golarion?

I utilized all my skills and within a few minutes of setting out to do so, had not only the name of the game’s creator but a private phone number as well. I called. Someone answered fairly quickly. “Hello?” a voice asked, sounding startled.

“Are you the creator of Pathfinder?”

“Who is this?”

“You’re not going to believe me, but I’ve been there. I’ve been to Golarion.”

There was stunned silence at the other end. After a moment, I heard a voice that sounded muffled, like someone not properly covering a phone. “Dad. It’s actually him.”

The phone made some noises, as though someone else had taken it. “You must be Kyle,” an older gentleman’s voice said.

It was my turn to be stunned. “How do you know that name?”

“That is a bit of a long story. Do you have time to listen?”

If I didn’t, I would make time. “Yes.”

“I will make it as short as I can. My father fought in World War 2. His unit liberated one of the German POW camps. One of the prisoners was a Russian soldier, Corporal Kuznetsov, with whom he became friends. They stayed in the area for several nights helping coordinate moving the freed prisoners to places where they could return home.

“One night, his Russian friend told him a fantastic story. He told of how, during the first world war, he had met a young woman who had performed fantastical magical feats. She told him that she had traveled from another world to hunt the Mad Monk, Rasputin. Her Russian was excellent, but she had a terrible American accent, he told my father.

“During a battle, they were attacked by mustard gas. In her haste to protect herself with a magical barrier, she wound up dropping her diary. She and her friends left before he could tell her, so he picked it up. Immediately upon opening it, a letter addressed to him materialized out of nowhere in his hands.”

I began working out the magic required for that. It was doable, if perhaps not something I could do. “What did it say?”

“He opened the note. Inside, in perfect Russian, was a set of instructions. It gave my father’s name and told him to give the diary to him when he met him. Story told, he did just that. Curious, my father opened it immediately.

“A letter addressed to my father appeared immediately when he did so. He opened it and inside were instructions that he pass it down to his child on my twentieth birthday. I also received instructions. Mine were that my own child would receive a phone call from a man named Kyle today at this time and that I should have the diary handy. It was only off by a few minutes.”

“What else was in the diary?”

“Descriptions of cities, organizations and peoples as well as a number of personal details, including some of a very salacious nature.”

Samantha had to be involved. “Can you read me a passage? I think I might recognize the writing style if I hear it.”

“Of course,” he replied. “Just give me a moment to – huh.”

“’Huh’?”

“A letter appeared when I opened it. It’s addressed to ‘Kyle, The American Wizard’.”

“Read it to me, please.”

I heard the sounds of an envelope opening. “I can’t. I don’t recognize the language.”

“Can you scan it and email it to me?”

“Sure, give me a moment and tell me your address.” Less than five minutes later, I was looking at a scan of a letter in Ancient Thassilonian. But even more shocking: It was in my own handwriting. “What does it say?” asked the voice at the other end of the phone.

“It’s a note to me from myself,” I said.

“That’s impossible.”

I actually laughed. “You’d be surprised what I’ve discovered is possible. This actually fits consistently with what I’ve learned in the last few days. The gist of the note is that the girl whose diary that is hasn’t been born yet. Apparently she’s my daughter. Beyond that, it’s some advice, which it suggests to keep to myself.”

“If the girl who wrote that is your daughter, then I probably shouldn’t read any of it to you. She’ll probably want to keep certain of these details from her father.”

He might have a point. “Okay. Fair enough. Do me a favor, okay? Exactly two years from today, open the diary again and see if another note appears. I want to ask you to send something to my family about that, but I don’t want to make the decision on the spot. So if it is a good idea, I’ll enchant the diary with another request for you.”

“That sounds complicated.”

“Yeah, time travel’s annoying.”

“I’m still not sure why I believe any of this. I guess I wouldn’t, if I hadn’t seen those letters appear out of nowhere like that.”

“Yeah. I can’t blame you. It’s amazing the things I’m willing to accept these days.”

We said our goodbyes and I turned again to the letter.

“Kyle, as you know, I can’t tell you any more than the bare minimum, for fear of creating a time paradox. But be comforted by the fact that I get as annoyed at time travel as you do. Exactly as much as you do, in fact.

“Do try to remember that my survival may not necessarily mean you will also survive as you may be on a different branching timeline. However, we’re going to assume you’re on the same one as I went through, since I can’t give you any advice at all if not.

“So here it is, my one piece of advice. You need to start carrying around a pair of swords balanced for dual wielding. They need to be on you and easily accessible, but hidden. I will leave it up to you as to how you do so. Hell, make lightsabers if you want and have the resources. But they need to be on hand and light enough for someone who isn’t as strong as Aurora. You’ll know when their time has come and I don’t think you can screw it up. But failing to have them when the time comes will be a problem. Additionally, you can’t tell anyone at all what you’re doing. It would be bad if the wrong people found out. So make them concealable.

“Finally, I must tell you that things will get worse. There are hardships before you. But there is so much worth fighting for and the future gets better. So, no matter what happens, don’t lose sight of who you are. Do what you think is right. And most of all, never, ever give up. Because failing will potentially mean disaster for two worlds.

“So, you know. No pressure.”

After reading that, I had come to one conclusion. Future me is an a-hole. But I’ll show him. I’m going to eat a ton of ice cream and then he’ll have to deal with being fat. That’ll show that jerk.

But he had given me potentially important information. I would need to get a pair of swords. Honestly, I’m not even sure I needed to make them anything all that special. Just make a couple basic but functional one handed swords, something in a twenty-five to thirty inch blade and then stick them in one of those closed tubes architects use to carry blueprints. Boom, done.

But he had suggested light sabers, probably as a joke. Or was it? I mean, blades made out of hard light like that might be beyond my capabilities, but I bet if I tried I could come up with a way to make swords out of molten metal or superheated plasma suspended in an electromagnetic field. The costs, however, might be prohibitive. I would have to consider it. There had to be a happy medium, something that would be cheap enough to make but not a burden for me to carry.

As I prepared for bed, I remembered one last thing I needed to do. I hadn’t shredded my documentation of my older brother’s attack on me when we were younger. It would serve no purpose for him to get blamed for my disappearance. So I ran it through the shredder, ran the scraps through again and then soaked the whole wad in laundry bluing.

What? I take identity theft seriously. You should too. The stuff is like two bucks for a thirty two ounce bottle. The identity you save could be your own.

After tossing my gloves, I sat down to check my email one last time before getting some sleep. My main accounts had nothing of interest, but one of the burner accounts I’d created to send out all those translations and tech schematics did have a new message that looked interesting, so I opened it.

“To the Crimson Scholar,” it began. Yeah, I’m still bitter they never made another season of Maoyuu. “I have enclosed my Skype contact information. Please contact me as soon as possible, any time day or night. During an archaeological dig in the UK, we located another document written at least partially in the same language as the Voynich Manuscript. We were planning to wait until archivists could finish touching it up before releasing the information. However, as it seems that you have managed to decipher the language, we would love to have you take a look at it for us.” It was signed, “Elizabeth Whitworth.”

I looked her up and she was indeed the head of Archaeology at a recognizable university. “What the hell,” I said to myself. “Might as well see what they’ve found.” It was five in the morning over where she was, but she did say to call any time. I fired up Skype and, bouncing the call through three proxies, I dialed her up.

A respectable-looking middle-aged British woman answered. “Hello?”

“Greetings,” I said. While I could see her, she was seeing just my silhouette thanks to some special filters I’d installed on my feed. “You said you wished to speak with me?”

“You’re the Crimson Scholar?”

“I am,” I replied. “Tell me of this document you found.”

“Yes, of course.” She pulled up a page and displayed it over the feed. “This is the first page of a journal we found in what can only be described as a vault discovered in Wales. Most of the writing within the trove was in an older, pre-Welsh dialect, suggesting that it was built somewhere between the years five-fifty and eight hundred or so. This was the only piece of material out of place. The journal is written in two languages. The first is the same as the Voynich document, while the second is another unknown.”

My mind made a logical leap. “And you want me to translate this one because you believe that the ancient Welsh documents will confirm whether I’m telling the truth, thus corroborating my story?”

She looked surprised. “That was part of the reason, though in truth I’m more interested in what the journal says. If the other documents are telling the truth, this could be the find of the century.”

Well, that had me interested. “Okay, give me a moment.” I read through the page. Wow, she wasn’t kidding. This could be huge like Xbox. “‘My brother and I went to visit cousin Gwain today. Her new husband seems like a strong man. Having him on our side against the invading Saxons makes me feel better. But what interested me most of all is that sword of his. After Gwain explained to him that I was a smith, he let me take a look at it.

“‘I’ve never seen a finer blade nor have I ever seen the metal it’s made of. I asked for a demonstration of its strength and he obliged. He took another sword and with a single strike, cleaved it in two. Awestruck, I remarked that surely a blade as fine as that must have a name. He told me that it was called Excalibur.’”

She looked surprised. “You really can read it!”

I was just as startled. “Is this right? Is this really the journal of THE Guinevere’s cousin?”

“It would seem so. Here’s the next page.”

“‘When we returned to the village, I could not get the blade out of my mind. A few weeks later, on my naming day, my godmother came to visit. I told her of the fantastical thing I had witnessed, and she listened carefully, as she is wont to do. When I finished my tale, she regarded me thoughtfully for a moment and spoke. ‘This metal you describe is known as Adamantine. I have seen it on many worlds. You would be blessed to find such a rare material to work. Would that I could give you such a gift for your naming day, but it comes from the sky and is beyond my domain. Ask instead for your own weight in mithral or Summer’s Bronze and I will gift it to you, but know that Adamantine is beyond my ability to give.’

“‘‘Beloved Godmother,’ said I, ‘I understand. Instead will I endeavor to make something just as great using materials you can provide. I will use the techniques of the Byzantines of Damascus to create something new and glorious.’

“‘Wise Titania laughed. ‘Were I any but your godmother, I would strike you down for your arrogance. But as I am your godmother, I find myself intrigued. Show me your power, little smith. Tell me what you need and I will provide it, so long as you ask not for adamantine or foul cold-iron.’’”

“Did you just say Titania?” the archaeologist asked.

“Yes.”

“As in, queen of the fairies?”

“I’m as shocked as you, though I’m getting the feeling that there’s something you’re not telling me.”

She nodded. “Perceptive of you. The accompanying documents state that the journal belonged to someone known as the Fairy Blacksmith, born in the ‘Elven village of Dragonlea.’”

It was my turn to be surprised. “Does it say what happened to the village?”

“It was put to the flame by Camelot’s crusade.”

What. “What.”

“Apparently, after driving back the Saxons, the Knights of the Round Table set out to wipe out first dragons, then all numbers of non-human species, including elves, dwarves and even giants. It said that a half-elven woman named the Fairy Blacksmith and her brother were some of the last to fight against Camelot’s campaign of genocide, but in the end, even they fell before the armies of mankind.” She smiled. “Obviously, it’s an exaggeration. But it does suggest that there was another race of people that once lived in ancient Britain that was wiped out.”

“What if it isn’t an exaggeration?” I asked. I turned off my visual feature, revealing my face.

“Of course it is. There’s no such thing as elves or dragons.”

I shook my head. “The language this was written in is the language of dragons.”

“That’s impossible.”

It wasn’t worth arguing about it. “I’m just relaying what my source said.”

“What source?”

I hadn’t thought that far ahead. “I found the information on the Deep Web.” It was a good lie. Most normal people have either never heard of or knows almost nothing about it, so it’s a mythical land you can use to justify anything. “That’s where I learned the language. I found a hidden spot in the Deep Web where some people were talking about long extinct creatures, including their languages. This was the only one I felt I could get the information I needed to begin learning it without getting caught.”

“So what, some kind of ancient secret society trying to keep ‘the real history’ hidden?”

“Could be. Seemed like a bunch of kids playing around. If it wasn’t for the language, I’m not sure I’d believe any of it.”

“Fair enough. I’m emailing you a scan of the whole journal. If you manage to translate the rest of it, please let me know.”

“Will do. And I promise I won’t go public with any of this. I wouldn’t want to risk those people realizing what I’ve done, anyway.”

“Stay safe,” she said.

“You as well.”

The majority of the rest of the journal was in another language. It looked familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it. Aside from that, it looked like research notes. She was trying to perfect the method to make a material similar to adamantine without using adamantine using the same methods used to make Damascus steel.

I suspect that the reason she used a different language is because Draconic isn’t good at dealing with numbers in general and fractions in particular. Dragons don’t have much use for complex math and use a base eight number system anyway. Base Eight isn’t too hard for me or really anyone nowadays, but for someone working back in the dark ages, it likely wouldn’t have been worth the effort.

I took the time to pull out the MP3 player I’d hidden and added the new document to it. I had some ideas for making a compatible screen for it, so it wouldn’t be too hard to read later. I then carefully replaced it and hid the work from my past(future?) self.

The first two days of the paintball excursion went as before. I walked right into the same traps I had fallen for the previous loop in order to avoid a paradox. As if I hadn’t already changed enough. Yeah, I don’t know. Time travel gives me a headache.

The third night, Samantha didn’t come. I waited an additional hour beyond when she had arrived last time and then decided to set off to find her. I strapped on all my knives, grabbed my bear mace and headed off into the woods.

I crashed around the woods for a while, searching for her with no avail. I had just about given up when I stumbled into a clearing and found a black bear fishing in a stream. I froze and tried to back away, but the damn thing roared at me and began to charge.

I pulled out the bear mace and fumbled with it. I couldn’t even get it open. Why the hell hadn’t I removed the overwrap before going into the woods?! In my panic I dropped the can. I cursed in three languages as I desperately sought an option.

It came naturally. I pulled in the power and focused my mind. A bolt of magical force erupted from my hand and struck the bear in the face. I felt vindicated. My academic side also found it interesting that only one bolt had formed, since future me casts the same spell with a result of five bolts.

The bear seemed surprised, but didn’t stop its charge. I pulled out my knives and prepared to go down fighting. The bear leapt at me with a mighty roar and it’s possible I flinched as I prepared to meet my maker. I don’t know. I wasn’t there. Okay, yes, I was there, in a physical sense. But my mind kinda checked out for a bit.

There was a loud crash and, after a few moments, I opened my eyes. The bear’s corpse was lying right in front of me. It had been cut in half with a mighty slash. If I hadn’t known better, I would have called it Lenn’s handiwork. It was that brutal.

I looked around, searching for the one who had saved me. I caught sight of the glint of mithral in the moonlight. An extremely beautiful blonde woman in black scale mail armor was standing before me. I was shocked to realize that her body was no longer asymmetrical, though a mask still covered half of her face.

“The two parts of me have worked out our differences,” Samantha said, sensing my question. “So tell me, are you stupid?”

“What?” I asked, shocked.

“I went to all this trouble to give you what you had been asking for. You’ve spent weeks just b&##+ing and moaning over your situation. So I sent you home through the reaches of time and space. Yet all you can think of is going back. Why?”

It was a good question. And it wasn’t just weeks I’d spent complaining. I had been complaining for years. “Because if I don’t, then things will change. People will die. I don’t know if I can live with myself knowing that I did nothing. One day, I will die. On that day, my twin sister will be waiting for me. I want to be able to tell her that I did what I thought was right.”

“There’s no guarantee that things will be better if you go. There’s no way of knowing if things will work out as you’d like. You may fail and die, and the world may be worse off for your having tried.”

“If I let myself be paralyzed into indecision by what might be, I’ll never be able to act. All I can do is what I think is right and hope it works out.”

“Are you sure it’s not just because you want to see your knight again?”

She had a point. “That might be part of it. But if I knew things would be better without me, I’d live with that. But I can’t know, so I have to do this.”

She smiled softly. “If that’s what you want. Let’s head back to your camp. Once your body is safe, I’ll send your consciousness back forward and reset your current self’s memories back to how they were when I first met you and have my past self come for you as before.”

“Wait,” I said. “We have this perfectly good bear carcass. We should do something with it.”

“Oh?”

I took a piece of flesh off the cut section using light magical telekinesis. I then wrote something on a rock with the blood.

“‘Red like roses fills my dreams and brings me to the place you rest’?”

“It was the first thing that popped into my head.”

“Oh. I wanna write something too! Any suggestions?”

“Depends. Do you think Courage would eat pieces of the bear if you bring them?”

“Of course.”

“Then write this…”

I couldn’t wait to get back and find out how people would react to a bear with missing forepaws and the message “…the right of the people to keep bear arms shall not be infringed” written on a nearby rock. I had to explain the joke as best I could to Samantha, but I’m not sure she got it. She was willing to believe my assertion that it was a very funny joke, at the least.

As we walked back, I became curious. “Samantha, there’s something else I have to know. Will you answer if I ask?”

“Why I left you on Castrovel?” she asked. I nodded. “That’s a question that requires a little background. Before I answer, have you ever wondered why it was I chose you to go with me?”

I really hadn’t. “I had always assumed it was more or less blind chance. You were letting Courage rest and heard me playing.”

She shook her head. “I told you back then that I had encountered a dark presence in the depths of space, remember?” I vaguely recalled that. I don’t recall if I’ve ever written about it here, but it’s why she’s different. An eldritch horror in the depths of space came to possess her. But it hadn’t considered the possibility that it would be trying to take over the body of a paladin, one who might actually resist him. “It’s too bad it wasn’t Obrek that the creature ran into,” she said, referring to her comrade-in arms from the city of Valor’s Triumph. “He might have pushed it into a little ball and kept complete control. But it wasn’t him. The girl I was could not overpower the will of the being.”

It hurt me to think about how Samantha, no older than I had been when I left Earth, had been all alone with an alien presence trying to overpower her mind and dominate her body. She must have been terrified. “So you chose your battles?”

She laughed again. “Not exactly. It isn’t so much that one of us overpowered the other. In the end, we came to terms with the differences in ourselves. He’s not evil. Not exactly. It’s more that he doesn’t think the way most people do. He’s a nigh unknowable presence with values that are simply so different from our own that they defy explanation.” She sighed. “I’m not explaining this very well, am I?”

“You’re talking about ‘Blue and Orange’ morality,” I replied. Let me explain. Imagine a graph. A simple one would be a single axis up and down. Good and evil. But there is another axis, from left to right. Order and Chaos. Those aren’t precise terms. You could just as easily label them Tyranny and Freedom. It’s a matter of perspective. Perhaps Order and Freedom would be the best way to go about it.

Now that you have both an X and a Y axis, consider this: Most humanoid beings fit somewhere on that singular plane. But what if there were another axis? What if this Z axis were so out there that we couldn’t comprehend it? This is the Blue-Orange axis. It’s an unknowable morality. There are beings who fit somewhere on one of these axes that interact with humanoids, but even then, they generally fall within a realm we can understand once we know certain base facts about what it means to be one of them.

But what if there were beings so far out there that we had no hope of understanding them? And what if they were like us in that they couldn’t understand Good and Evil? Honestly, we’d probably label them evil and be done with it.

So if Samantha had something like that in her mind, then it explained a lot.

“I forgot how refreshing it was to talk with you,” she said. “You understand the weirdest concepts. It’s almost like talking with Gribbletoo sometimes.”

I decided to take that as the compliment she intended. Gribbletoo’s blue-orange axis had Pancakes at one end. No idea what the other end held. Truth be told, I don’t think I want to know.

“What I’m getting at,” she continued, “is that the being could influence the paladin. But it couldn’t completely control her. As such, it wanted out. Taking you with us was its ploy for escaping this body.”

“Me? How was that supposed to work?”

“It didn’t need you, specifically. What it needed was a man with enough charm to make the paladin fall in love and let her guard down. Which meant that it had to be subtle. It couldn’t afford to let her raise her guard. So it nurtured a sense of loneliness in her, making her think finding someone was her idea.”

“I’m still not seeing the end game. How does that allow it to get free?”

Samantha smirked at me. “Well, you see, Kyle, when a man and woman love each other very much, they do certain things with and to each other.”

A lightbulb clicked on in my mind. “It was trying to get your body pregnant so it could escape into the child?!”

“Picking you was a stroke of luck on the creature’s part. You were timid enough to fear the drama that would occur if you pushed the paladin too far too quickly. But you were charming enough that you wormed your way into her heart over time.” She giggled. “All I could think about was how I was going to tear your clothes off and thoroughly ravish you first thing upon arriving on Golarion. Both of us wanted it, though for very different reasons. It was only luck that made the paladin realize the monster’s intentions at the last moment. But even then, she wasn’t sure that she would be able to resist it if you were the one who initiated things, which seemed to be something you were working up to. So you had to be left behind.” Her voice had grown softer as she spoke. Then she whispered, “I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.”

The pain in her voice was almost too much to bear. I could tell just how lonely she felt. Without even thinking, I hugged her close to me. “Don’t be. I should have realized what was going on earlier.” We embraced for several moments before letting go, though I could tell she did so very reluctantly. “I realize now that we never could have been together. But if it’s all the same to you, I’m going to lie and tell anyone who’ll listen that I tapped that ass.”

She looked dumbstruck for a moment, then began laughing. It was a hearty, rich sound that rang through the crisp night air. “You’ll always be one of my dearest friends,” she said. “Are you sure that you don’t want to reconsider your decision to go back? I can’t interfere there without alerting some dangerous foes to my presence, so there’s no guarantee that I can protect you.”

“You’ve already done quite a bit,” I said. She gave me a confused look. “Don’t think I’m not on to you. I’ve had a lot of time to think about how I met Aurora. That was no coincidence, was it?”

She laughed again. “It was also really funny. For such a deep voice, you have such a high pitched scream.”

We walked the rest of the way back to camp in silence. When we arrived, she smiled wistfully. “You know, I didn’t finish telling you why I chose you to go with me.”

“No?”

“I told you the monster’s reasons, but the paladin’s motive was a bit more focused.” She laughed softly once more. “You know, it’s funny. On this world, there are so many people who profess beliefs in things like justice, who will tell you all about how they would do whatever it takes to protect the innocent. Yet, when you peel back that thin veneer, it’s not true. Don’t get me wrong. Consciously, they fully believe it. But deep down, it’ll be no more than a passing priority at best. But the propensity towards that belief made my search difficult.”

“So you were looking for a good person? It makes sense. You’d want to be near someone like yourself.”

“It’s more than that,” she said. “The paladin didn’t know what would happen to her. She feared that if she lost the battle for her mind, she would become a monster. She wanted to find someone to carry the torch for her. She needed someone who not only believed in the ideals of Good, but would do what it took to make them a reality. In truth, she sought a replacement.”

That hit me hard. A paladin had wanted me to replace her? It didn’t even make sense. “Then why choose me? I don’t respect authority. I’ll sleep with almost any woman who gives me the opportunity. I’ve spent more than my fair share of time thumbing my nose at society’s rules. I’m no paladin. I’m more of a hedonist. I just do things that I enjoy.”

She nodded. “That’s exactly why I chose you. The paladin I was upheld the ideals of Good because it was my duty. I did good things because it was what I was supposed to do. I also believed in helping those in need, but it was almost a ritualistic thing for me. I did good because the being I worshipped expected it. But you… Do you know what I found in your mind when I looked?”

“What was it you found?”

“I found exactly what you said, a man who did things only because he wanted to. A man that did things that he enjoyed. But, in spite of that, or perhaps because of it, he kept doing things that were good. Not because he was supposed to. Not because it was his job. Not because his god demanded it, though yours does and you do seem to care about that. No, I found a man who does good things because he enjoys them. That’s how I knew you’d make the world better in my place, because it was something you’d enjoy.”

I have never considered myself a good person. Hell, I’m sure I’m the poster boy for at least three of the seven deadly sins. I’m talking about Lust, Wrath and Pride, in case you’re not paying attention, though maybe Gluttony in the non-food sense also fits. But especially pride. I’m at least ten times more prideful than anyone I know. Maybe I’m good on a couple virtues as well, but at best that just means I’m not a completely awful person.

She seemed to read my mind. That’s a thing she can do, in case you’ve forgotten. “You’re better than you think you are,” she said. “And you’re much stronger than you know. Even now, you’re here trying to find a way back into what has felt like hell to you.”

“Shall we get this over with?” I asked, wanting to change the subject.

“If you’re sure. I can’t do much to help you once you’re back. This is your last chance to change your mind.”

“I’m not changing my mind.”

“Even with as much of a baby you’ve been about how scared you are every single day?”

What Samantha didn’t understand was that I had always been afraid. My whole life, I’ve lived in a constant state of fear. There’s a part of me that pipes up every time I do anything to warn me of the risks. I just have another part that has always told that part to shut up and forces me to live my life, regardless. I could feel myself smirk as I answered. “I may be a baby,” I said. “But sometimes a baby’s gotta do what a baby’s gotta do.”

She laughed. “I do so very much miss spending time with you. Close your eyes.” She gently grabbed the back of my head and pulled it forward. I felt the soft touch of her lips on my forehead, then she released me. “Take care of yourself, Kyle.”

“I will,” I started to say, but got only one syllable in before the world began to taste very, very purple. Then I passed out.

I awoke to a feeling of warmth on my back, not too warm but instead exactly the perfect temperature. I felt the strong arm around me, heard the soft, rhythmic breathing of sleep and smelled the faint scent of lilacs. I was back.

I carefully extricated myself from Aurora’s embrace and walked over to my bag. I opened it and searched inside. The enchantments made it hard to find what I sought, since it was much deeper inside than before, but I found it nonetheless. Excitement washed through me as I carefully pulled out the crude metal case. Within, nestled in a bed of memory foam – the remnants of a shredded pillow – was my mp3 player.

I just stared at it for several moments, awash with varied emotions. “I’m not a coward, I’ve just never been tested. I’d like to think that if I was I would pass…” I whispered the first words that came to me. I had been given an out. I could have walked away. But I hadn’t. It wouldn’t have been right. Maybe Samantha was right. Maybe I was stronger than I had given myself credit for.

“Yeah, you did good,” Fleur said. “But does this mean you’re done whining about your predicament?”

“And give up all the fun I have annoying you?”

“Touché.” She stuck her tongue out at me. “Better get back to bed. Someone is waiting.”

I turned and saw that Aurora had stirred. She had crawled over to the foot of the bed and was looking at me inquiringly. In her curiosity, she had forgotten to cover herself with a blanket. In the moonlight, I saw everything.

EVERYTHING.

In the moment, my brain wasn’t functioning properly. But even then, I knew better than to comment on any of the bits my brain wanted to comment on. So, in desperation, I spoke the first words that came to mind. “Huh. I didn’t know you shaved your armpits.” Smooth like buttah.

Aurora’s face went white in horrified realization. She mostly managed to stifle a scream and dove under the blankets.

“Can you just forget you saw that?” Aurora asked after several uncomfortable moments of silence.

“I’m pretty sure that would be impossible, even if I wanted to do so.”

“Oh.” The uncomfortable silence returned.

“Look, I’ll go sleep in my room,” I said, standing. I turned to leave but felt a hand on my arm. I looked back and Aurora had gotten up and stopped me, once more forgetting the blanket.

“Please don’t look,” she pleaded. I closed my eyes and pulled her to me, wrapping her in an embrace. She squeezed me back, burying her face in my chest and conveniently making it impossible for her to notice me sneaking a peek at her glorious backside. “Let’s just go back to bed,” she said.

“Okay,” I replied. “But I’d rather not lay with my back to you anymore.”

“I don’t want to lay with my back to you either,” she responded.

I considered it for a moment. “Well, then I guess one of us will have to lay on their back and have the other rest their head on the first’s chest.”

She giggled. “And I guess you’re volunteering?”

“Mais oui,” I said in a goofy French accent for no reason.

“Well tough. I’ll lay my head on your chest.”

I sighed exaggeratedly. “Well, fine. But you’re going to miss out on my patented Motorboat Alarm Clock.”

I laid back down and Aurora climbed into bed with me, laying her head upon my chest, wrapping her arm around me and pressing her soft body against mine. Carefully, I put left arm around her and rested my hand on her waist.

“I’ll get the blanket,” I whispered, preparing to cast a cantrip to pull it over.

“Wait,” she said, looking up at me. There was a slight tremor in her voice and I could see trepidation in her eyes. She was nervous for some reason. As she closed her eyes and focused, it didn’t take me long to understand why.

Great white feathered wings extended from her back as her halo reappeared, glowing with a very pale light. I was awestruck. “Aurora, those are amazing!” I finally exclaimed after several moments.

“Y-you don’t think they’re weird?”

Of all the things to be self-conscious about. I hugged her gently. “I think they’re beautiful.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

The light of her halo turned to a soft golden and I could see her smile. She hugged me tight. “Thank you,” she said. She stretched out her wings and carefully covered both of us with them. They were comfortably warm.

I lay there for several minutes, just enjoying the warmth of her body and the smell of her hair before a question struck. “So, the wings… is that why you aren’t wearing your other nightgown?”

She blushed. “I was afraid I’d tear it accidently if they came out.”

It was more than that. She’d been working up the courage to reveal that part of herself she’d only recently discovered to me, and she didn’t know how. I was touched that she cared. “You know, that brings up a good point. We’re going to have to modify your clothing so you can pop those out if you need to. And that’s before we even consider your armor, not that it’ll be easy to fly in your armor.”

“You don’t have to go to any trouble on my account.”

“For you, it’ll be no trouble at all. However, now that I think about it, that does bring up another question.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, I understand now why you aren’t wearing a nightgown, but what’s up with the lack of panties?”

“Well, I, that is…”

I grinned. “You also grew a tail, didn’t you?” I teased.

Her eyes grew wide. “NO!”

“Oh, but how can I be sure unless I see for myself? Though I guess there is one way…”

“Kyle, what do you mean by…KYLE!” she protested, giggling as I grabbed her butt.

“Well, I guess you’re right. No tail here.”

“Then you can remove your hand this instant.”

“Sorry. Can’t. It’s stuck and won’t respond.” I goosed her again, prompting another giggling protest.

I could tell that despite the fact that she was somewhat enjoying this, she was also a bit uncomfortable. I decided not to press the matter and moved my hand back to her waste, softly tracing my finger along her skin the entire way. I could feel goosebumps on her arms where they touched me.

It confused the heck out of my subconscious. She was sending signals that she was open to advancing things further, but at the same time, I was getting clear signals that she didn’t want to, though I’m not entirely certain how to describe them here. I decided that I would give her time, let her slowly acclimate to the idea of further physical intimacy between us. Half the fun was in the chase, after all.

Once she fell asleep, I carefully put on my headphones and flicked on the mp3 player, turning it to random. I almost laughed at the irony as the same song that woke me back in my room played once more, though it was the original and not the metal remake. As I listened, I contemplated the events of the last few days and what they meant.

My entire life, I had been afraid. Everything scared me, so long as it had a horrible potential consequence for me to obsess over. But I had always soldiered on. I refused to let my fear define me. But that had started to change. Things have been so far outside of what I had ever encountered that I hadn’t been able to cope. I suspect that’s why Fleur and I had become two somewhat separate entities. I had stopped listening to her. But that had to change. I wouldn’t allow my fear to define who I am. I would not allow fear to blind me.

This world wasn’t my hell. I wasn’t taken here completely unknowing what awaited me. No, not Hell. This is the future I chose. So I will no longer give in to my fear. I shall move forward doing what I think is right and to hell with the consequences. Fiat justitia ruat caelum. Let justice be done, though the heavens fall.

And if those are the words that end up my epitaph, so be it. If those are the words I’m remembered by, then I can live with it. I could certainly do worse than a legal maxim cited by several heroes of history that chose to do what was right instead of what was easy or popular.

So here I am on the road again. Here I am upon the stage. There I go playing star again. Here I go…

Turn the page.

Okay, so first of all, sorry this one took so long. Holidays, five weeks of illness, marathoning Skyrim mods videos... well, you get the idea. I had actually written this a while back as a possible thing to throw in(somewhere around mid-chapter 2), but when we got here, things had changed so much that I couldn't really salvage the whole thing. I'd say about a page survived the rewrite.

Either way, it ended up being one hell of an infodump, introducing things that had been planned all the way from day one and new ideas inspired as we went along. Some of this is foreshadowing things in the campaign, but one part is primarily foreshadowing the epilogue. Let me make one thing clear though. This world is an alternate Earth, so if I got certain aspects of our world wrong, it's because that's how they are in this one, so deal with it. :P

As for the next section, I've already begun work on it. Hopefully won't take nearly as long. As for a hint of things to come?

Spoiler:
Daa-da-da-da-DAA-da, da-da-da-DAA-da, da-da-da-DAAA-da, da-da-da-daaaaaaa!


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Weird Science

Spoiler:
I awoke about an hour before Aurora, but I didn’t want to disturb her, so I decided to just lay there and think about some of what I had learned. Eventually, I settled upon contemplating the nature of adamantine. Just what was it? Was it some new, never before discovered element? Could it be an alloy of some kind? Or perhaps it was simply a stable isotope of an already known element?

And if it was that last one, which element? I mean, I had some suspicions. Rhenium or tungsten fit the bill nicely enough, though the difference in the number of neutrons would have to drastically and fundamentally affect certain properties in order to make those fit. On the other hand, it being an alloy of tungsten, rhenium and some other things would certainly account for the properties of the material. And if it required specific conditions to manufacture, like high pressure combined with low gravity, then it would be exceedingly rare on inhabitable planets.

And if either of those meant that it could only be artificially manufactured, then that would explain why Titania couldn’t get any for her goddaughter. She likely didn’t have access to the tech needed.

Also, who the hell was this “Fairy Blacksmith” and why did she have not just a fairy godmother but a godmother that was queen of the fairies? And why was it that somehow, somewhere deep inside, I felt like I already knew the answer?

“Don’t ask me,” Fleur responded to my unasked question. “I just live here. Though, you’re right, it’s almost like we read about her somewhere once before and just can’t recall where. We’ve read a lot of books, you freaking nerd.”

“Speaking of reading about someone somewhere before, why is it that you look like a dead Frenchwoman?”

“Because that’s what form your subconscious chose when you put on that cursed belt?”

That was probably true. Fleur did seem to be a reflection of the schism in my mind. “Okay, but how did I know what she looked like?”

“You probably saw a picture of her somewhere. If not in the scrapbooks, then perhaps she was in Badass of the Week or something?” I guess it was possible, if not exactly probable. And it’s not like I could look it up.

I put it out of my mind and began planning out my day. I had a busy day before me. I had to make bombs, guns and all sorts of other tools before we reached Mokmurian’s fortress. I could really use some assistants, but I guess I would have to settle for Lit’s “Over My Head” on repeat while I worked.

Aurora finally woke up, stretching her wings and rubbing her eyes. “Okay, time for you to leave so I can get dressed,” she said after a moment.

“What? You mean I don’t get to lie here and watch?”

“Out,” she said imperiously.

I grabbed my clothing and got dressed in our suite’s common room, then sat down and began preparing my daily spells. I left a few slots open in case I needed something specific, but most of my day’s loadout was for crafting.

Aurora headed down to see what kind of breakfast was available and I began jotting down my crafting schedule, using code names for what I was making in case of spies. Someone has to be mindful of operational security.

Geo came up to see me while I was working. As usual, it was weird. The first thing he said to me was, “I need a sample of your blood.”

It was going to be one of those days. “Good morning to you too.”

“Oh, yes. Good morning. So, can I have a sample?”

“I’m gonna need to know why.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, I’ve been considering that stuff you were exposed to in the great dark beyond. The stuff you said had powerful mutagenic properties.”

He wanted to know more about radiation? “And you think you can learn something about it from my blood?”

“Yes.”

Well, I couldn’t really see a reason to argue with that. “Fine, but sterilize the needle first.” He pulled out a steel syringe and sterilized it with moonshine, then took a sample from my arm.

Then he immediately injected the blood directly into his carotid artery. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!”

“Analysis,” he replied calmly.

“You’re insane.”

“No, Master Kyle. On the contrary, I’ve never been more sane,” he said as he left. I would have crapped my pants if there was any crap in my colon. Thank God for small favors.

“SAW-DAW!” Fleur – now wearing a long black wig – said ridiculously once Geo left, referencing one of my old fears.

“No jokes,” I said. “That was more than a bit creepy and you know it.”

“Of course it was. But it probably won’t be an issue much longer.”

This would be good. “Oh?”

“I don’t think he confirmed your blood types before giving himself that injection.”

“Oh crap!” I shot up and ran after him. I found Geo collapsed on the floor at the base of the stairs having a seizure.

“Kyle, what’s going on?” Ameiko asked, having heard my cries for help.

“Get Paulie!” I ordered. She quickly rushed to get him.

It was unnecessary. Suddenly the seizure stopped and Geo opened his eyes. “What seems to be wrong?” he asked me.

“What the hell happened?” I asked.

“I started feeling a terrible reaction, so I injected myself with a tonic to fix it. Apparently, the combination resulted in what you saw.”

“What was in the tonic?”

“Alcohol as a solvent and extracts from a number of plant sources.”

“Like what?”

“The major ingredient is from the seeds of the castor plant.”

What. “YOU INJECTED YOURSELF WITH RICIN?!”

He shrugged. “I don’t know what that is, but it worked.” He had a point.

“Okay, fine. Just remind me never to drink anything you’ve made.”

I headed back upstairs and cast my workshop spell. I needed something to take my mind off of that whole thing. I started trying to work on guns, but that wasn’t keeping my attention. I then started working on Aurora’s armor, but that was also too straightforward. I needed a real challenge, something I had never seen done before.

So I built a quantum computer.

It was surprisingly simple once I knew the principles behind it, which were in the book I’d read. The ironic part is that it’s likely that no one in the Technic League would be able to understand it for hundreds of years without a major breakthrough. But I had the knowledge they lacked. I was able to build on the work of those before my time. I knew the work of Rosen, Heisenberg, Einstein and Podolsky. I’ve made metamaterials in my dad’s garage, unstable and poor quality though they may be.

With my magical assistants working on the boring stuff, I managed to complete a working quantum computer in a little over two hours. I managed to create a housing for it and Fabricate a USB interface and keyboard for it in another half hour. By that evening, I had programmed a very basic but functional Virtual Intelligence interface to serve as something of an operating system.

Bill Gates, eat your heart out.

Orik made it in just after sundown. He brought with him several technicians from the Golemworks hired by the leadership of the Potent Rainbow Lions. Apparently they had been more than sold on the gun idea and wanted me to fully weaponize the carts of the companies they were sending. The techs were to help me in any way I needed. They also brought an entire cart of expensive crafting materials. Aww, yeah, baby.

“Oh, I also have something for you from your man in Magnimar,” Orik added.

“What’s that?”

“He sent you a horse, but I think you should find another one.”

That had me curious. “Oh?”

“She seems very odd. I mean, just watch her run.”

One of his men led her on a run from the back of his black gelding. Orik was right. She didn’t run. She hopped. Or maybe bounced was the right word. I was starting to get a feeling about this one. “Anything else odd about her?”

“She seems more playful than any horse I’ve ever seen. Sometimes, it’s almost as if she’s laughing when she makes sounds. And she won’t seem to let anyone ride her, not that anyone would want to ride a horse that runs like that.”

I grinned. “You just have to know how to read them. Someone bring me a cupcake.”

Five minutes later, using a tart since no one had a cupcake, I had won Pinkie Pie’s trust and we were bouncing around the town square. I was singing a jaunty tune and she was singing along – in a very horse-like kind of way. Orik looked on, very confused.

I grinned at him once more. “TO THE BAKERY!” I commanded the horse, laughing. She whinnied and began heading directly there, somehow already knowing the way.

That night, Aurora came to bed wearing underwear, to my great sadness. We talked for a bit and I let her know what I was planning for her armor, which she agreed to wholeheartedly. Then we went to sleep and the dreams began.

This time it started off as more of a memory than a dream, sort of. Shortly before I left Earth, I had been accepted into the alpha for a new MMO. It promised to be revolutionary, something no one had ever managed to do before.

It was to be something of a cross between a heist simulator like Payday 2 and a more traditional fantasy MMO with classic pen and paper RPG elements. It was meant to offer a number of possible missions with multiple ways to solve them dependent on your group makeup. For instance, conquering a dungeon might mean you go in and hack your way through the obstacles, or it might mean you sneak past everything and steal the treasure. Or maybe you befriend someone get invited in, bilking your targets out of their valuables. Or a combination of those.

And there was a faction system. Each player joined a side and might be given missions that affect the standings of the factions, offering benefits to all members of a faction until the balance had been tipped back.

It also had an extremely robust system of voice filters so you could roleplay while in game as whatever character you were, regardless of disparity between real life and character. This allowed the game to eschew almost entirely written chat unless you were using hearing impaired mode, which hadn’t been implemented at the time I played.

We were a team of six and were given a single directive: Rescue one of our faction’s spiritual leaders before he could be sacrificed in three days time. Failing that, we could anoint the altar of our foes with a small amount of the consecrated blood of an ocelot, our people’s spiritual animal, to prevent the sacrifice from pleasing our foes’ god.

We considered multiple solutions, including murder of our own holy man before he could be sacrificed, but decided on a rescue attempt since bringing him back alive got us a larger reward. We would infiltrate during the feast the day before the sacrifice from multiple angles.

I was playing as the party’s most social character, Rhoslyn Silverdew, a half-elf sorceress, so I went in as a wealthy socialite wanting to attend the party. Our party’s knight would serve as my bodyguard and three of the others snuck in as hired help of some kind. Our sixth member would – and I quote – use his “L337 N1NJ4 5K1LL5!” to enter by hugging the shadows.

Of course, Hoboken – yes, that’s what he called himself – wasn’t the ninja he thought he was. We were found out and the guards arrested my companions one by one. My protector was cut down quickly. I was all that remained and my arrest was imminent. This is where the dream started.

In real life, I had thought quickly and managed to spin a story about being there against my family’s wishes to convert to their religion, but hadn’t been able to say anything while my protector lived. They were dubious, but allowed me to perform the ritual, which ended with cutting my palm and dripping my blood on the fire. Only I mixed my blood with that from a vial of ocelot blood I’d smuggled in and completed the secondary objective, with them none-the-wiser.

The dream played out differently. I mean, first of all, I was my character, not just sitting in front of a screen. “Filthy creatures,” I spat. “You take our homes, murder our families and you demand we bow to your damnable god?! I don’t think so. BURN!” I then dropped a fireball right on myself, knowing I’d easily survive. I then quaffed a healing potion, stepped over their smoldering corpses and methodically murdered everyone in my way before marching the holy man right out the door, along with two of their own priests.

I don’t know what the dream meant, but I’m assuming it’s some sort of reflection on a new, more aggressive nature I’m trying to adopt since deciding to come back. And I’m not entirely certain why I’m bringing it up, other than the fact that I’m feeling bitter realizing that someone back home is probably playing that game right now. I hate that guy so much.

The next day, I got together with the people from the Golemworks and gave them an hour long lecture about operational security. “Okay, to summarize: You will not speak about our work outside of the extraplanar space. You will not sketch anything or do any models outside of the extraplanar space. If you need more time to plan and strategize, we will create a space safe from scrying to do so. All journals will go into a sealed chest that will not be opened outside of the protected spaces. Do you have any questions?”

One of the workers, a fairly attractive sorceress in her early twenties, motioned that she did have one. I nodded to her to go ahead. “Isn’t this a little much? I mean, we are careful around the shop, but this is strict even compared to that.” Several others nodded in agreement.

“Our enemy has shown an extreme ability to infiltrate and gather intel on our activities. This is all we can really do to counter that. So, unless there are any further questions, let’s be about it. We need to get a full day’s work in today. We’re expecting to leave either tomorrow or the day after.”

I cast the spell to open the magical workshop and we wheeled in one of the carts. Of course, they were suitably impressed by the masterwork that is my spell. But we didn’t have time to get worry about that. We had work to do.

I got them started animating the cart, explaining what we were doing and overseeing the project while I also began crafting weapons and some necessary mechanical components for it. This was going to be quite possibly the world’s first magitech construct, so I wanted to do it right.

I’ll be honest. I was having the time of my life. We even hooked the MP3 player into the shop’s speakers. Yeah, that’s a thing my spell could do and I hadn’t even realized it. I’m not sure the others quite got J-pop and Taylor Swift, though the geth workers seemed to enjoy it. The others liked the classical stuff well enough, though.

After a full day’s work was done, we closed up shop and exited to do other things. I spent a couple hours training with Aurora. The woman is a harsh instructor and would give Gunnery Sergeant Hartman a run for his money. Or maybe she’s not that bad and I’m whining because I have sore muscles I didn’t realize I had. All I know is that I feel like she’s a demon and it has nothing to do with a bed. No, she’s a perfect angel there, much to my chagrin.

Afterwards, I fabricated a screen for the MP3 player and had the VI load up the Fairy Blacksmith’s journal. It did pretty well, considering that the system didn’t have a text reader on it. I then cast a spell to allow me to read any language and started reading.

I must first note that they hadn’t sent me a single journal. This was a whole library of journals. I guess the good doctor had been playing her cards close to her chest. My second note is that there were two parts to the journal. She methodically kept notes about events on the left page and notes about research on the right pages. It’s almost like she was a bit OCD.

The events were pretty interesting. She was the daughter of the ruler of all the elves in Britain. They were apparently a simple folk, living in small villages but using magic to keep in touch and work together. They initially got along well with Camelot, but things went downhill for reasons she didn’t get into. She was the only one to see it coming, so she began preparations years before the trouble began.

The most important preparation was the creation of a new metal, which she called Fairy Steel, which was a brilliant substitute for adamantine. I was fascinated by the process in which she figured it out, which took almost five years, followed by several years of research as she crafted arms and armor for her brother. She ended up creating a suit of nearly invulnerable, yet surprisingly mobile armor that incorporated elements that history wouldn’t see again for centuries.

I decided that I would make the swords my future self had told me to craft out of Fairy Steel. Sure, it didn’t really offer any benefit beyond that provided by adamantine, and they’d require more costly materials – and thus a larger personal injury – to fabricate, but damn if it didn’t sound cool.

That evening, an advance contingent arrived and let us know that our remaining support units would be arriving sometime around noon due to a broken wagon wheel. Which was fine, since it gave us time to get more work done.

<Margin Note: Important work, like teaching a dozen villagers how to “Gangnam Style”?>
<Margin Note: Yes.>
<Margin Note: You’re so embarrassing.>
<Margin Note: EEHHH! SEXY LADIES! OP OP OP! OPPA GANGNAM STYLE!>
<Margin Note: One of these days, I’m going to find Samantha, reach out my hand and give her a high impact palm reading for taking you back home and letting you smuggle back that mp3 player.>
<Margin Note: Oh, come on, Fleur, you know you love it.>

The rest of our contingent, larger than I expected, arrived late in the morning and we set out. We found signs of giants all over, heading in the same direction we were going. A smarter man might have rethought the plan to go where so many giants were going, but I’m not a smart man, I’m a genius. So, obviously, I ‘m too stupid to know better.

I’m familiar with London. “I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.” I’m also familiar with The Kurgan. “It’s better to burn out than to fade away. Something something there can be only one.” It’s why I’m back here, after all. So onward we marched. Well, I rode, but some people marched. The crafters slept in a cart I’d outfitted with makeshift shock absorbers so that they’d be rested and ready to work when we made camp.

For the most part, the day was pretty uneventful, though the evening did have an interesting event. It was just after dark when Pinkie Pie hopped out of our makeshift corral and began hopping around playfully near a tree at the edge of camp. She looked like an overexcited puppy, if I’m being honest.

I shined a light on the tree and spotted the winged woman I had seen several times before. She looked at me quizzically then, with a single flap of her massive wings, shot off into the sky. I sighed. “I’m guessing no one saw her that time either?”

Aurora gave me a look. “Of course we saw her. She was right there.”

Really? Maybe I wasn’t going crazy after all. “But why didn’t you see her those times before?”

She shrugged. “Just missed seeing her, maybe?”

I was about ready to just drop the whole thing and instead focus on why she kept showing up, but Paulie interjected. “I’ve seen her before, bro.”

What. “What.”

“Yeah, bro. Sometimes, she comes while I’m keeping watch and just stares at your tent while you’re sleeping.”

I was speechless for a moment. “My tent? Like, specifically my tent?”

“Yeah, bro.”

“And you never mentioned it why?”

“Well, she seems pretty cool, so I didn’t want to bother you with it.”

I don’t remember what I said, but I think it was in Angrish, so I don’t think anyone else remembers what I said either. I vaguely remember something about wanting to turn Paulie’s pelt into a hat. I also remember repeatedly bashing my head into the muddy ground. At some point, my horse tried to bring me an apple. I think. It’s kind of a blur. I don’t think I actually attacked him. In fact, it probably looked like I was having a seizure or something to most people.

The first clear moment I have is waking up in my tent, Aurora sitting on her bedroll and giving me a concerned look. “I think I’m okay now,” I said. “But from now on, we set someone on watch with Paulie. I’d really like to be informed if someone we don’t know is entering our camp in the future.”

“Okay,” Aurora said. “It is a little creepy,” she admitted with a nervous titter.

“Well, not much we can do about it at the moment.” I said. “I need to get to work. Strip.”

“What?” She looked scandalized.

I grinned. “Your armor. I’ve figured out a way to adjust it to fix your little problem.”

“Oh, okay. Help me out here.”

That night – or morning, as it were – I showed my hired assistants what we were doing next on the first cart, fabricated the parts they would need and had several of the geth help me enchant Aurora’s armor. I was using an enchantment design commonly favored by the strongest paladins and luckily much of the base work was already done. All I had to do was add the beta and gamma runes – a moderately time consuming but not all that difficult task – to give it heavenly properties and lighten the armor significantly.

While I’m talking about that, let me rant for a moment. I will never understand my fellow magic crafters. This enchantment is a well-known one – Celestial Armor, they call it – adapted for a heavier set of full plate armor. So far, so good, right? Well, whomever it was that designed the spell form ascribed it a rigidity in the lightening department. It doesn’t so much lighten the armor as it sets the armor’s weight to a specific weight. Which is fine, if you’re using it on chainmail like it usually is. But, in order to not make it inordinately expensive to enchant, they had to raise the weight it changes to when using it on plate. Which again, is normally fine.

That is, of course, unless you’re using it on a suit of mithral plate, in which case you end up shaving off about an eighth of a pound. So, if you wanted to reduce the weight down to around that achieved in the chainmail version, you end up having to pay roughly triple the enchantment’s full cost, including the cost of the alpha enchantment – which is just the basic magical enhancement to the armor’s hardness and effectiveness.

Because, of course, they tied the reduction to the armor’s physical dimensions, not the armor’s weight. If instead they had made the enchantment work as a percentage of the armor’s weight, it would have been easy to adapt to all kinds of armor and would have instantly solved the mithral plate problem. And it wouldn’t have been all that hard, though the downside is that it would have been a little bit more expensive for regular steel armor. Still, I may do it when I have three or four weeks to just sit down and work on the problem.

But Aurora’s armor is adamantine, and thus I don’t really have to worry about it right now. The enchantment works just fine with adamantine’s properties.

The next day was dominated by fairly boring travel, which I got through by reading more about the Fairy Blacksmith’s work and playing music for Pinkie Pie because I didn’t want her to get bored and wander off. Like I said, you’ve just gotta know how to handle these strange ass horses.

As we moved, I had a eureka moment. It was beautiful. In one instant, I could see everything in the process right before my eyes. I began swapping things around and moving the parts by adding in the kinds of precision only possible with modern equipment. The Fairy Blacksmith’s work was brilliant, but I had tools she never would have dreamed of. I could revolutionize her work. What could be done with days of slaving using the old methods could instead be done in about six hours with a few assistants and extremely precise equipment. Even then, it would take extreme skill.

Luckily, I’m amazing. So is my horse. It tastes like raisins. Probably. Look, I’ve never licked the horse, though I did watch her lick a toad earlier. It was a little strange.

Anyway, I was naturally glad when we stopped early. The mercenary commander - Orik’s fellow commander, goes by the name Squibbles or something – decided we needed to stop because we didn’t want to reach the Storval Stairs after dark. He’d also spotted signs of some kind of animal herd – ibex or something – and wanted to get in a bit of hunting. I’m sure he wanted to study the creatures’ internal organs or something, since he’s a gnome and they do things like that.

But all that mattered is that I would have time to work on my very special project and would be able to let the technicians rest, since they’d been whining about the grueling pace we had been setting. Let them relax their way, I would relax mine. Then, when I was done, they could get to work while I rested my muscles.

I was using music to time my blows, and was in the middle of singing when Aurora showed up. I was also immediately aware that I was shirtless – it was hot, okay? – and wearing only a leather apron over my chest. And okay, so maybe I flexed a few times when I thought she might be looking to show off my arms. But is that really so wrong?

I talked her into singing with me for a bit while I worked, which was great for taking my mind off the ache in my shoulders and the sweat dripping from my brow. She really does have an incredible voice. With a little training, I’m sure she could sing for an opera.

No, I really mean it. She speaks with a powerful contralto, but sings in both the mezzo-soprano and soprano ranges where necessary. We really do make beautiful music together. And I’m not saying that figuratively. She’s a hell of a lot of fun to sing with and I’m sure anyone listening would enjoy the experience. In fact, having her there made it hard to concentrate. I kept imagining tearing off her armor with magic, tossing her on a nearby workbench and ravishing her thoroughly. But I didn’t prepare that spell today – she’s sleeping in her armor on the road, so there’s little risk of needing to get her armored up in a hurry – and she’d probably kill me if I tried.

I was right when I thought that it would take about six hours to complete the sheet of metal. This was followed by about an hour of work with a precision laser to cut out and sharpen the blades and cut them into the necessary pieces. All that was left was the technological component, which I could work on later.

I cleaned myself off, set the technicians to work and laid down with Aurora for a bit. After the rest, I recovered my mp3 player. I told the VI to play me something fun, so it loaded up a message from Katie for some reason. I’ll have to work on that.

I’m just glad it didn’t play that message for Aurora. It would have been embarrassing to have her hear what Katie had said about my feelings for her. Still, it was good to hear my sister’s voice. I’m sure she must be worried sick. I would have to find a way to make it up to her and the rest when I got home.

Rested, I got back to work with the technicians. Now, I’m not going to tell you exactly what I have them doing to the carts, but let’s just say that I’ve been considering the names of Native American tribes to name them after. I think I can say that. It’s not like Lyrie would ever realize the significance of that if she ever got ahold of this journal.

During the night, the hunters returned, grabbed our smaller merchant cart and Paulie, then headed back out. I went around camp verifying the battery levels on all our radios in case something came up, then returned to my vigil over Aurora’s sleep.

Naturally, Fleur kept teasing me by singing “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing”.

Shortly after dawn, the hunters returned with the cart fully loaded. I was expecting a few animal carcasses, and those were there, but they were joined by a number of large barrels. I went to check it out, and it turns out that they had found a burned down ranch and evidence of ogre cattle rustling. They had apparently come for Paulie because they needed someone to help burn the bodies of the ranch’s inhabitants. They also hunted down the ogres, who had gotten drunk and passed out, then returned and inspected the ranch. In a cellar, they found the barrels, which contained a rather expensive tasting brandy.

We opened up one of the barrels and shared it around the camp – roughly a cup for each person – and then sent the rest back with some of the support staff to sell. We were pretty sure that the road behind us was clear, so it would be pretty safe for them to do so.

On the road late the next morning, we came across a destroyed caravan. Most everything of value was gone, as were almost all the people. Only one person remained. We found him injured and trapped under an overturned cart. He was pretty beat up and dehydrated, but healed up quickly once we smacked him with a healing wand and gave him something to drink.

The merchant told us that his fellows had been set upon by a group of hill giants and ogres. Some had been killed in the fighting – and the fact that the bodies weren’t still there told a stomach-turning tale – while others had been dragged off alive. As we suspected, the giants had headed off towards the Storval Stairs.

The merchant decided to stay with our army, worried about the fate of his surviving friends. We gave him a crossbow and taught him its use, then told him to stay out of our way. We then continued on towards the only path up the escarpment.

The Storval Stairs were literal stairs carved into a cliff side. Using telescopes, we got a good look at the garrison manning the top. Geo was troubled by what we saw. “Giants don’t usually work with hobgoblins.”

“Likely mercenaries,” Aurora said. “I’ve encountered hobgoblin mercenaries before. They’re brutal and ruthless.”

“But giants wouldn’t hire hobgoblins like that.”

“Lyrie might,” I interjected.

“I’m really starting to wish we had killed her when we had the chance,” Aurora said.

“I warned you.”

Orik just shook his head. “So what do we do?”

“It’s going to be rough getting to the top. I’m thinking we fly up a shock force and take down the most dangerous troops up there before bringing up our main force. Paulie, you ready to burn some people?”

The cat man twitched, then grinned. “I’m ALWAYS ready to burn people!” He was perhaps a tad too enthusiastic.

“Good man. Then that’s what we’re doing. I’ll grow larger, cast as many flight spells as possible, then we’ll ferry people up. Orik, pick out your top three soldiers for this kind of role. Squibbles, we have room for three of yours as we-” I stopped suddenly. “Anyone know where Squibbles went?” I was answered by the sound of explosions. I spat out an invective I’m not going to repeat here. “The mortars!”

We rushed over and found that the gnome, as one of the very few who knew about the mortars I had fabricated, had pulled the weapons out of a cart and had started raining technological death upon our enemies.

I was livid. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

“It seemed faster,” the gnome answered with a shrug.

“And now our enemies know we have them! These were supposed to be our trump card against the giants, and now they’re going to have a full day or more to prepare countermeasures.” I would have hit him, but Fleur told me to focus on the situation at hand. “Give me that,” I said to a nearby soldier. “We don’t have the shells to waste on you lining up a proper shot.” I ran calculations in my head in a matter of seconds and fired a trio of precise shots, knocking the shack at the top down on its inhabitants.

I then nodded at Aurora and she sounded the charge.

The fighting was quick and brutal, but in the end we were victorious with minimal losses. Two deaths and three injuries was an amazing victory considering the strength of the force we were up against.

We made camp at the top of the stairs to lick our wounds and pick through the intelligence we managed to gather from a few hobgoblin prisoners. I then spent the rest of the night figuring out new technologies to bring to bear against our foes, in case they were successful in countering the mortars. I did have one thing going for me, though I am loathe to admit it. But as they say, all’s fair in love and war, and we were looking at the likely complete extermination of all human life in a hundred mile radius if we failed. So what was that advantage, you ask?

Well, clearly our enemies weren’t signatories to the Geneva Conventions, obviously. That gave me an entirely new dimension of hell I could unleash upon them.

The fight for Jorgenfist promised to be nothing if not interesting.

This to be followed with an Aurora's Observation Journal I'll upload once I've finished eating breakfast.


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Aurora’s Observation Journal: On the road to the Fortress of the Stone Giants

Spoiler:
In the days after our trip to Absalom, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and I’ve come to one horrifying conclusion:

I’m in love with Kyle. Yes, I know. How could I be so stupid? How could I let that happen to me? But I'd gotten careless.

I’m not sure when it happened, exactly, though it was before the trip. But it wasn’t until after that trip that I was able to be honest with myself about it. What remains is to decide what I do about it. I’m terrified by the implications of all the potential answers I’ve come up with to that question.

Should I bare my soul and tell him how I feel? What if he doesn’t feel the same way? Or worse, what if he used to feel that way but doesn’t anymore? I could live the rest of my life knowing I missed out on that chance.

And if he doesn’t? What would he do? I know he wouldn’t take advantage of me, not exactly. But with his views on relationships, that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be interested in some other form of relationship, borne of friendship and carnality but lacking in love.

Could I really be satisfied with something like that? Or would it be better to just stay silent and keep what we have now? The gods know that I’ve never had a friend like this before. Would it be worth it to risk that for something that, for all I know, wouldn’t necessarily be better?

I finished my shift on watch and headed to our tent to see if I could get a little time cuddling with Kyle before he got up, but he was already gone when I got there. I hadn’t seen the specialists from the Golemworks get up, so I was a bit concerned. I checked the usual part of the camp and found a pair of guards watching the usual magical door. They stood at attention when I approached.

“Can we help you, Ma’am?”

“I’d like to check up on Kyle.”

“Of course. Just need to do an identity check.” Despite my capture of Lyrie’s mask, Kyle had instituted a number of these mildly paranoid policies. But we were all humoring him. If he was wrong, then no real harm done, but if he was right, then we’d be grateful we’d listened.

“Go ahead.” It was a simple magic spell. Took a couple moments.

They cleared me and I headed into the magical workshop. I heard the sound of hammer blows, rhythmic and precise, as well as the sound of singing. Kyle’s powerful voice resonated through the room, sending a shiver up my spine. I stopped to listen, not wanting to interrupt.

You load sixteen tons, what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter, don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store

I was born one mornin', it was drizzlin' rain
Fightin' and trouble are my middle name
I was raised in the canebrake by an ol' mama lion
Cain't no-a high-toned woman make me walk the line

You load sixteen tons, what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter, don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store

If you see me comin', better step aside
A lotta men didn't, a lotta men died
One fist of iron, the other of steel
If the right one don't a-get you, then the left one will

You load sixteen tons, what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter, don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store.

While he sang, I watched sweat dripping down his muscled back. He was wearing a leather apron to protect his front, but his back was bare. I enjoyed the sight of his well-defined muscles as he worked. It wasn’t a sight one would expect from watching a wizard. I’ve worked with wizards before, back when I was a mercenary, and every one of them looked like a stiff breeze would snap them in half.

But Kyle was also a blacksmith, which is not a profession that usually allows one to remain delicate. You either get muscle or can’t do the work. And I was enjoying the sight of that result. I really wanted to walk up and find out if his backside was as defined as his back, but I didn’t want to interrupt his work.

He finished singing and measured out three more hammer beats before stopping. He pointed at one of his magical assistants, beginning a string of orders. “You, raise the temperature of the metal eight point seven Kelvin over one thirty four seconds. You, collect forty three milligrams of tin. You, one seventy three micrograms of gold. You, sixty six grams of mithral.”

The machines got to work doing what he had commanded. Satisfied, he wiped his brow with a towel and turned to me. “Hi,” I said awkwardly, blushing in spite of myself.

“Hey,” he said back. “What’s up?”

“Just checking up on you. What are you doing?”

“Secret project for a very secret client. I’m remaking a metal that hasn’t been crafted in over a millennia, if I’m right.”

Oh! I kinda knew what he was talking about! “You mean that stuff you’ve been reading about on your screen thing?”

“Exactly! You see, it’s incredibly complex stuff. There’s math involved that hadn’t even been invented when this material was discovered. The creator just sorta did it all by instinct. Can you imagine how difficult it had to be to get the proper harmonic resonance in the stage four copper integration to get the required gradiation without use of calculus?”

“Um, that does sound, uh, rather difficult.” I had no idea what he was talking about, but I seemed to have hit on the right answer, as he continued on for several minutes on the subject, continuing to work as he talked. It was rare enough, but he did this sometimes, becoming lost in a topic that no one else seemed to understand or care about. And he seemed completely unable to realize that we weren’t all into it the same way he was. He called it “geeking out”.

I knew it would pass, so I just let him keep talking. Occasionally, I’d nod agreement or say something to indicate that I was following along. I just kept myself occupied enjoying the sights before me. I actually got so engrossed in it that I didn’t even notice he’d finished his lecture.

“Aurora?” he asked.

“Oh, sorry,” I apologized.

He laughed. “Don’t worry about it. I went on a bit of a tangent there. Sorry for boring you.”

Just let me run my fingers over your chest, I thought to myself. I promise I won’t bite you. Not too hard. And that workbench over there looks pretty sturdy. Let’s go test it! Tear off my clothes! Let the machines watch! I DON’T CARE! JUST DO SOMETHING! But that wasn’t what I said.

“It’s fine.” That was what I said.

“Well, I need to work a new tempo. Feel like singing with me?”

“Me?”

He shrugged. “You have a very pretty voice. You really should sing with me more often.”

I felt my face flushing. My ears burned in embarrassment. I was grateful that he was focused on his work and not looking at me. “Okay,” I said, a shiver running down my back once more. My heart was racing. “But will I know the words?”

He looked up and grinned. “It’s a rare thing that I meet someone who has never seen karaoke.”

“Carry what?”

“Karaoke. Go grab the player and display off the counter there.” I did as he said. The screen was very flexible. I wasn’t sure what the material was, but it was pretty amazing stuff. “VI,” he said, his tone commanding. “Next song in the list, enter karaoke mode.”

“Acknowledged,” a strange voice responded.

Music began playing. “Just follow the bouncing ball,” Kyle said.

I looked at the display and watched as words began to appear. A ball bounced next to them, then after a moment, began to bounce over to the words. Kyle sang along with the first two lines as I watched and got the hang of this ‘karaoke’ thing.

“I thought love was only true in fairytales
Meant for someone else but not for me”

Then I joined in.

“Love was out to get me,that's the way it seemed
Dissappointment haunted all my dreams

Then I saw her face
Now I'm a believer.
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind.
I'm in love
(ooooooaaaahhh)
I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her
if I tried”

And we continued on, through that song and on to another, followed by yet another. All in all, we sang for over an hour, our words punctuated by the sounds of hammering metal and raucous laughter. We took breaks when Kyle had to get his assistants to make other preparations as the work proceeded.

After that hour or so, I decided to go get some sleep. My magic ring was starting to kick in, so I was needing less and less sleep, but I still wasn’t quite to Kyle’s minimal level of sleep. I asked Kyle if I could borrow the music player, and he had no problem with that, saying that he had all the songs he needed memorized anyway. He suggested I use something he called “ear buds” so that it wouldn’t bother anyone else in camp. He showed me how to use them and suggested that I use just one so that I could still hear things around me.

I went back to our tent and laid down, not bothering to remove my armor since Kyle had enchanted it to be comfortable to sleep in. I turned it on and told the thing that controlled it – Kyle calls it a “virtual intelligence” – to play something at random.

I was startled to hear a woman’s voice speak with no music. “Hello, Kyle,” she said. “I’m sure you’re surprised to hear this, but I wanted to let you know that I’m on to you. Sure, I don’t know what you’re doing, but I know you well enough to know something huge is going on. You’ve been acting like it could be a long time before you see us again. Well, I trust you, so I won’t go warning everyone before you go. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to nag you, baby brother.

“Whatever it is that you’re doing, whatever is so important, I want you to take care of yourself. And don’t screw things up with that girl you were telling me about. What was her name? Aurora or something? It’s clear that you’re crazy about her, so man up and tell her how you feel. She won’t know if you don’t tell her.

“I’m serious, Kyle. You tell her, then you bring her back here so we can meet her. And you had better come back in one piece, okay? Don’t compromise who you are. I’m proud of who you are, and I’d like to think I had a hand in that. So just come back, okay? Come back and tell us all about everything that you couldn’t tell us before leaving.”
My heart was racing as I listened. Was this the voice of Kyle’s older sister? And had he really told her that he loved me? She continued speaking. “I remember all those times, back when you were little, when there would be a storm. You were so afraid of the thunder and lightning. Remember, baby brother? Remember how the only thing that could calm you was mom singing to you? Do you remember the song she always sang? I know you rarely forget anything, with that big brain of yours, but you were little. Do you remember?

“I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.”

My eyes brimmed with tears at her song. My heart felt it would break at the worry in her voice. I swore to myself once more that I would get him home, no matter the cost. I wanted to meet this woman who so loved him. I was a little jealous that he had grown up with people like that around him, when I’d grown up so alone. But that was in the past. I didn’t want to be alone anymore.

I was going to tell him how I felt. As soon as we were done dealing with Mokmurian, I would tell him everything. And if we weren’t meant to be, then so be it. But I wasn’t going to hold back anymore.

“VI,” I said. “Next time Kyle requests a song, override and play this entry again.”

“Acknowledged. Shall I enter a shutdown state?”

“Play me some music that’s good for falling asleep.”

“Acknowledged. Loading the lullaby playlist now. Sleep well.”

Wrapped in the protective embrace of the armor the man I loved had made for me, and listening to the music he had chosen for sleep, I fell into a deep and restful slumber.


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Pathfinder Adventure Subscriber

Fantastic read. Please keep up the great work.


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The Battle of Jorgenfist or "What's a mortar with you?"

Spoiler:
Harry Shearer, of Simpsons fame, once famously said, “I am one of those people who thrive on deadlines, nothing brings on inspiration more readily than desperation.” I must say, it’s interesting if nothing else.

We had one night to finish everything we would need for the assault on the giants’ stronghold. We had the mortars and machine guns, of course, but those were now knowns for the enemy. I had to assume they would be ready to counter them, so that meant I had to have other plans. I had fabricated a number of options, but our biggest plan B lay with the work we had done to the carts. But we had to finish them first. The deadline loomed.

I sang pony songs as we worked because my workshop, that’s why. Well, Fleur sang with me, but no one else could hear her. And she’s me, so I guess technically my original statement still holds. That’s it. I’m seeing a psychiatrist first thing when I get back.

After today, maybe I could officially add PTSD to my list of conditions to talk with him about.

I tried not to think about it as I worked. Perhaps a little too hard. I ended up humming the tune to Narwhals for about an hour before someone complained.

Despite all of my worry, we finished what we needed to do. The last step was to upload specialized copies of my VI into the carts and hope that everything would work out. I mean, they should work fine. I designed them. But no plan ever survives contact with the enemy, even when it’s Plan B.

So it was good that I’d prepared Plans C through H. Each was more horrible than the last and several would need to be censored if I ever released this journal back home if I wanted to stay out of a war crimes trial. But the important part was that I could whip them up quickly as needed, with only a few of them requiring pre-preparation.

This would be simpler if I could Fabricate plutonium. But I can’t. Yes, I tried. Well, that’s a lie. I can Fabricate plutonium, but the quantities I can get per cast are so ridiculously small that I’d be looking at months, or perhaps even years before I had enough to make a single weapon. Same goes for enriched uranium.

Depleted uranium, on the other hand? That I could get if I needed it. It just wasn’t as valuable, which somehow meant it was easier to make. I don’t get it. But believe me, if we come across some kind of adamantine golem, I’m making depleted uranium shells. Not that this was really likely to be helpful with today’s work. So we’d call that Plan U.

We Earthlings have a whole history of very inventive solutions for the age old problem of how to kill each other. To abuse another quote from home: “War. War never changes. Since the dawn of human kind, when our ancestors first discovered the killing power of rock and bone, blood has been spilled in the name of everything: from God to justice to simple, psychotic rage.”

My people have been killing each other for millennia. It would be laziness of the highest magnitude if we hadn’t at least gotten good at it in the process. Back at Sandpoint, we gave the giants a glimpse of that brutal efficiency. Today, at Jorgenfist, they would learn just how good we were at it.

This would be so much easier if I had the facilities I really needed. Thankfully, I can shortcut with magic, but there’s a limit to just how much of that I can do each day, and I’ve only recently gotten good enough to really crank that up to eleven.

What I need are factories crafting composite materials, mines gathering what I need to make those necessary materials by the truckload, paved roads or railways to deliver what I need en masse. I need whole workshops of college educated engineers to put together what I’m designing. What I have is magicite, four people trained in crafting magical constructs and nearly a dozen temporary robot helpers in addition to a smattering of technology equivalent to somewhere between the twelfth and sixteenth centuries.

When I leave, I won’t be leaving behind a tech revolution. What I’ll leave behind is a number of artifacts and perhaps some innovative ideas someone might use to craft new magic items that mimic some of my technological devices. Heck, the longer technological legacy I’ll leave is likely to be from my efforts to speed along technological evolution through the Voidstrife organization, and all I’ve been doing there is focusing on jumping tech roughly five years for every one to slowly build the tools society needs to build the infrastructure I’ll need to build the tools I need to build the tools society needs to build the infrastructure I’ll need… and so on and so forth.

If this whole Thassilon thing fails to provide a way home, I’m fairly certain I could now build a ship capable of getting Aurora and me safely to Castrovel in about three years using a combination of Earth tech, alien tech from the guide and a few of my own innovations. I’m sure that if an MP3 player was enough to buy a trip home that I have something valuable enough to buy a copy of the spell itself for my spellbook.

I do have that screen I made and did put a few hours of pornography on my new MP3 player, after all. And if that fails, maybe I could build the wizard an entire central air conditioning system for his home powered exclusively by magitech batteries. After all, there is no pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater than central air.

So, in the end, finding a way home is no longer the priority it once was. I’ve actually more or less got that sorted. Finding a faster way is still a goal, but for now I just need a way to survive til then and finish what I’ve started.

So, to war I will go.

I finished what I could and went to lay down for sleep. Aurora was waiting for me. “Can I get your help?” she asked.

“Sure,” I replied. “What do you need?”

“Help me out of my armor?” It seemed dangerous this close to the enemy fortress, but I figured she might need to make use of the camp’s crude facilities, so I didn’t say anything. “Okay, lay down,” she said once we were done.

“Huh?”

“You need your sleep and I need to not hear you whimpering so I can sleep. So lay down.” Ah, so that was it. I did as I was told and she laid down next to me, her head on my chest. I must have been pretty tired, as I fell asleep almost immediately.

My dream that night was pretty weird.

--
“YOU KIDNAPPED A NOBLEMAN’S DAUGHTER?!” I screeched in a strangely musical soubrette. “What the hell is wrong with you, Cedwin?!”

The half elf before me looked ashamed. “It all went to pot. They wouldn’t surrender. I tried to knock the lord out, but I hit too hard and cracked his skull. The mother attacked me with a knife and Talfryn shot her before I could react. After that, with the remaining staff scattered, we didn’t want to leave her for bandits, so we brought her with us.”

Curse him. He had a point. “Okay, that’s understandable. Mistakes were made, but you did the best you could. I’ll find a way to figure this out.”

“I knew you’d understand.” He turned to leave, then suddenly stopped. He took a deep breath and turned to me again. “She wants to meet you.”

“Oh?” I raised an eyebrow dangerously. I could already tell I wasn’t going to like this.

“Since you’re head of the family, she feels it’s her obligation to do so.”

“Ced? What did you do?!”

“It was her idea.”

“Ced?!”

“It’s not my fault.”

“CED?!”

“We, uh, got married.”

I tried to scream at him, but I couldn’t. I had gone so far past angry that it had become hilarious. I just fell to the floor laughing. My brother, the idiot, just stared at me, certain that when I was done, I was going to turn him into a newt.

But I had other plans. Yes, this could work. It would cost us some allies, but what was done was done. Those allies were gone. No, I had to simply adapt. And I would certainly adapt.

The black knight had a long season ahead of him.
--

I woke up confused, with Aurora looking at me. “What?”

“You were laughing.”

“It was a weird dream.”

“Sounds like the camp is starting to get ready to move. Shall we get up?”

“Yeah, I think I’ve gotten my two hours. You?”

“I slept a few hours while you were working. I’ll be good.”

We got up and I helped Aurora into her adamantine apparel, checking all the fittings to make sure everything would be secure. We didn’t want any mishaps today of all days. After that, I prepared my spells for the day. It was a combat heavy list, containing some direct attack spells as well as a number of support spells. Unlike most days, I only left a handful of slots blank.

Better to have something prepared that isn’t exactly right than to have nothing prepared and need something immediately and desperately.

I met up with Orik at his campfire. “Everything ready?” he asked.

“As ready as we’re going to get,” I said. “How about on your end?”

“The Lions will get the job done, even if the Flails have to carry the whole operation. There is one thing I’m concerned about, though.”

“What’s that?”

“The big guy. There are going to be a lot of giants. Can you keep him under control?”

That was a good question. “I think Geo can direct him where we need him. And if not, then we always have plan B.” I grinned. “But if things go sideways, just imagine how much fun it’s going to be to watch your gnome explain to the boss how he screwed up the operation because he got tired of waiting back at the cliff.”

He laughed. “You really don’t seem to like gnomes.”

“I don’t understand them. There’s an uncanny valley thing about them, like they’re normal beings like humans, elves and dwarves, but there’s just that little bit off about them.”

“That’s a surprising observation. I mean, they’re weird, but no one pays them any mind. It’s just their way.”

I shrugged. “First time I met someone that wasn’t a human was when I was nineteen. I’m a little sheltered.” Maybe it was something I needed to work on. I dunno. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that when I was near one, someone was watching me. I mean, other than the gnome.

We set out just after sunrise, planning our arrival for midmorning. Truth was, with the hobgoblins, there was no reason to show up at night. That would just hand them a sight advantage. And we were traveling east-ish to get there, so no reason to show up at sunrise. No, midmorning was our best option.

We timed it pretty well, reaching the Valley of the Black Tower around nine am or so, based on the position of the sun. The valley was massive, which made sense considering it was used by giants. Not too far inside the valley was a watch post of sorts. Our group of five mounted up and rushed it, hoping to hit it before it could raise an alarm, the carts following behind us at the quickest pace they could reasonably manage.

Of course, we weren’t quite quick enough, because that would have made me happy. As we neared, red smoke – the color likely coming from an additive easy enough to produce with a little alchemy – billowed up from inside the palisade around the smallish watch post.

“Oh ho ho ho,” laughed the grotesquely scarred taiga giant woman standing at the gate. “Now everyone knows you’re here. But we don’t have to wait. I’ve heard so much about how dangerous you are, so prove it. Send out your champion and let’s see how strong you really are.”

I exchanged a glance with three of the others, and without words we immediately agreed that there was only one choice. “Lenn?” Geo asked.

“GIANT!” the big man roared. Yeah, he got the idea.

Honestly, had Lenn not been there, I would have just suggested we decline and swarm her. But I hoped that if he got it out of his system now, at least a little, he would be easier to hold back during the larger fight.

The battle was quick and brutal. She was wielding what looked like some sort cross between a battle axe and an ogre hook, but it wasn’t any bigger than Lenn’s weapon. A crazed look in her eye – bloodlust, most likely – she charged in with a heavy overhand chop. She anticipated the sidestep anyone else would have made and arced it left at the last moment, bringing it down against his rising axe. Normally, both weapons would have survived the encounter, but he had the strength on his side, both of arm and of weapon.

Lenn’s axe cleaved right through her weapon without even slowing and continued on. Striking off kilter, it didn’t so much chop her head off as it popped her head clean off, almost like a grotesque Rock Em Sock Em Robot. All that held her now decapitated head in place was a loose flap of skin just over her spine.

She fell backward from the force and crumpled in a heap upon the ground.

Four more giants poured out from the post. Our fight with them was nowhere near as brutal as Lenn’s fight with their commander. Lenn, Geo and Aurora each soloed one, while Paulie and I worked together to conserve spell resources. We had plenty of arrows and bullets, but spells might become a limiter later.

We inspected the corpses and the camp as we waited for the rest of our forces. I was dismayed by what we found. I called Aurora over. “What is it?” she asked.

“These runes,” I said, indicated one of the four minions’ corpses. “They’re Thassilonian. They’re used to enslave creatures. Giants, specifically, for these.”

“What?”

“Our enemies may not be in control of themselves. Certainly many of them aren’t.”

“What do we do?”

I shook my head and sighed. “I don’t think there’s anything we can do, honestly. We continue forward.”

“Okay.” She put a hand on my shoulder. “Kyle, this is important. You can’t show any hesitation and especially no fear today.” She pointed an arm out towards the valley, where we could already see hundreds of foes stirring and beginning to make their way towards us. “In about an hour, we’re going to be fighting for our lives against an overwhelming force. The only reason any of us are still here is because you’ve told us we can win this and we’ve seen enough to believe you. If you start looking doubtful, it’ll turn into a rout and we’ll all die, okay?”

I nodded. “Okay. I’ll be a big brave dog today.” I grinned. “Everyone else is almost here. Guess I should make a speech, huh?”

“It would probably help. No pressure.”

I relayed instructions to Orik and Squibbles. They began barking orders to their soldiers and setting up the barricades just like we’d practiced. Large walls unfolded just like my scrying mirror and were secured in place with all practical speed. Massive caltrops and landmines were deployed, creating avenues of approach that we could fire down.

I stood up on one of the wagons and had the VI connect my radio transmitter to the speakers I’d attached. “I need a moment, everyone.” Work stopped and all eyes were on me. “I’ve come to trust each and every one of you, with my life if necessary. But I have heard murmurs of discontent. In your eyes, I see the very fear which at times threatens to take me.” I motioned over the valley, at the armies assembling to meet us. “How could it be otherwise? We’re a few, taking on many. They are larger and stronger than we. Yes, how could it be otherwise indeed?

“I’m not going to lie to you. The odds against us seem insurmountable at first glance. But let me explain something. Those forces out there? They aren't a threat to us. They're a threat to everything — everyone. If we fail, it will be the end of Sandpoint, of Magnimar and every other settlement within hundreds of miles. If we fail, every human, elf, dwarf, gnome and people of countless other races within the region will be dead or enslaved within the year. The few that survive to become slaves will envy those who have found the release of death. Those are the lives we're fighting for. That's the scale.

“It's been a long journey, and no one's coming out without scars. But it all comes down to this moment. We win or lose it all in the next few hours. And make no mistake, we CAN win this. But it’s on us. So, make me proud. Make yourselves proud.

“Mokmurian seeks to bring an apocalypse down upon us. If we do nothing, we might just live to watch the end of the world we know. But that isn’t going to happen. A day may come when the courage of Men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship. But it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields, as the Age of Civilization comes crashing down! But. It. Is. Not. This. Day.

“Because today… Today, at the edge of our hope, at the end of our time, we have chosen not only to believe in ourselves, but in each other. Today there is not a man or woman in here that shall stand alone. Not. Today. Today we face the monsters that are at our door and bring the fight to them! Today, we are CANCELING THE APOCALYPSE!”

Cheers erupted from our forces. Aurora nodded approvingly. I winked, deciding not to tell her today that I had cribbed my words from multiple sources. I’d have to tell her eventually, of course. After all, even if she missed the others, what were the odds that she’d never watch or read Lord of the Rings after we got to Earth?

I inspected the work as it went. These people were not just professionals, but driven, so it was going well. One of the technicians stopped me as I went along. “You really think we can survive this?” the young man asked, in front of far too many witnesses.

“You’re damn right I do. You know why?”

“Why is that?”

“Because we’re too gods-damned pretty to die.” I glanced over at Orik, who was helping his men work. “Okay, one of you keep an eye on Orik. I’m only giving him a fifty percent chance on that whole ‘too pretty to die’ thing.” Several of the soldiers laughed. “Alright. Keep working. I’m going to go grab a few more grenades.”

I walked around a cart, out of sight of the soldiers. Then everything I’d been suppressing hit me like a ton of bricks. I retched violently, though I barely managed to stifle the sound. I would have vomited if not for the fact that there was nothing in my stomach to vomit. My entire body was shaking.

What the hell was I doing here? I saw that army. From my count, there had been one hundred twenty seven assorted giants, fifty three ogres, three hundred hobgoblins, ninety three goblins and one hundred eighteen assorted undead. I had fewer than fifty men and women with me. This was insanse.

Don’t get me wrong, I had confidence in my tech. But had we brought enough, or was this going to turn really ugly really quickly? All I know is that I’d have traded all my forces for a fully loaded B-2 bomber right about then.

Aurora managed to sneak up on me. I only noticed her when she put her hand on my shoulder. “You’re doing fine. Just hang in there.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I’ll be fine once we’re actually fighting.” At least, I hoped so. She nodded and got back to work.

“‘I always get the shakes before a drop,’” Fleur quoted. “‘I've had the injections, of course, and hypnotic preparation, and it stands to reason that I can't really be afraid. The ship's psychiatrist has checked my brain waves and asked me silly questions while I was asleep and he tells me that it isn't fear, it isn't anything important — it's just like the trembling of an eager race horse in the starting gate. I couldn't say about that; I've never been a race horse. But the fact is: I'm scared silly, every time.’”

I grinned. I’ve always loved that book. “If Rico can do it, so can I.”

“Then let’s get out there. C’mon, you ape! You wanna live forever?!” You know, actually, I think I’d rather like that. An eternity to game and science aplenty to study when my thumbs needed a break? That sounded like heaven. Maybe it was something I’d look into once I’d solved the ‘getting home’ problem.

But that was a thought for another day. “Then let this be the hour when we draw swords together. Fell deeds awake. Now for wrath, now for ruin, and the red dawn!”

Fleur laughed a berserker’s laugh. “Forth now, and fear no darkness!” I grabbed a few more grenades like I’d said I would. If it came to it, if we failed, I would take as many with me as I could. Because I was no one’s lunch.

When I got back, everything was ready and the enemy was almost close enough. Time enough for one last speech. “Hear me! Those bastards out there, they attacked our homes, our friends! They think we're helpless. They're wrong. They started a war, but we're not here to finish it. We're here to make them regret -- to show them and everyone else what happens when you go too far. No more running, no more waiting. Let's hit them where they live. Load the mortars! Arm the machine guns! Let us teach them fear! They will show us no mercy, so let us give them no quarter! CRY HAVOC AND LET SLIP THE DOGS OF WAR!

“Fire!”

The sounds of mortar fire erupted all around me, reverberating through my whole body. The sounds of machine gun fire pierced the very air, threatening to overwhelm my eardrums. It was an experience like no other. And, in a strange way, it was magnificent.

Those sounds signified our strike against those who would harm the innocent. They were our voices, crying out in a terrifying cacophony against those who had harmed us. But more than anything, they were a roaring testament that I had done it. They were the glorious tribute to my brilliance.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt quite as smug as I did in that moment, watching modern – and even more advanced than that – tools of war tearing through the ranks of this monstrous force before us like a scythe through a field of wheat. I couldn’t help myself. I threw my head back in a mad scientist’s laugh, just like Maximillian Hertz – AKA Dr. Hertz, one of my favorite comic book supervillains.

If you’ve never heard of it, there exists on the internet something called “The Evil Overlord’s List”. It’s a list of things one should or should not do if one ever finds themselves in the position of becoming a movie style evil overlord. Most of the advice is common sense, though some of it is fairly specific to recurring mistakes said overlords make in fiction. As such, some of the entries make sense for more than evil overlords. Some of the entries also apply quite well to gentleman adventurers and mad scientists, which I must admit was a reasonable label to apply to me at the moment.

Please allow me to quote number twenty from the Evil Overlord List: “Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.”

Truth is, if I had been paying attention, I might have noticed the magical shield the enemy army had erected in time to save around two dozen shells. But I wasn’t, so a couple extra volleys got through. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it’s not like we really had that many shells to spare.

“Hold your fire!” I commanded upon noticing the shells exploding in the air upon impacting a nearly invisible barrier. I scanned the field looking for a cause. It didn’t take long to spot Lyrie and Lucrecia. They were standing next to a giant shorter than the rest, who I guessed to be Mokmurian. The three of them, along with others, were taking turns channeling magic into an artifact of some kind. If I were a betting man, I’d guess that had to be what was creating the shield.

I pulled out my scope and took a closer look. The artifact was an orb of polished marble, covered in Thassilonian runes set on an ornate stand made of black metal – I recognized it. It was a shield stone. It was believed that some of the Runelords used them to protect their strongholds against attacks from siege engines and enemy wizards. As long as it was fed magic, it would take the force of a nuclear bunker buster to penetrate. The upside was that it couldn’t be moved while it was being used and had a limited radius, though I wasn’t sure how limited. Large enough to cover a fortress, at the very least.

It also wouldn’t stop everything. Only objects traveling at high speeds and magic attacks would be blocked. People could ride right through it if necessary, which was an advantage for our enemies, not us. They still had roughly half their forces after taking the first couple volleys unprotected. At the very least, that was giving them pause. We had bloodied them and they were unsure how to react.

Well, most of them were unsure. The hobgoblins immediately took advantage of the situation by setting up crossbow teams at the boundaries. They’d stick the weapon out and shoot, the majority of their bodies protected from retaliation. We had our teams raise the metal walls to give themselves some protection.

“Geo,” I said over the radio. “I have a question for you.”

“Go ahead.”

“We can’t hit them with the mortars unless they start to close. Is there anything you can do about the hobgoblin leadership?”

“I can try to get close, but it might be impossible unless you can offer some kind of distraction.”

“Understood.”

Meanwhile, the enemy massed its undead forces for a charge. It was a suicide mission, and they had to realize it, but it would force us to waste valuable ammo on expendable troops. And those were the ones we hadn’t bothered hitting during the initial volleys, so they were at full strength. “Any suggestions about the undead?” came Orik’s voice over the radio.

“Use the machine guns to thin them out. Fire in bursts to conserve ammo. When the remnants get close enough, switch to melee. Have the gunners focus on the giant spiders. Be mindful you don’t go too far out and end up in the minefield.”

“Got it. Squibbles, Lenn, Aurora and I can handle whatever makes it through.”

Which left me to deal with the second front, coming from the hobgoblin side. They had whipped their goblin slaves into a frenzy and sent them charging at us. “The mortars will make quick work of them,” Fleur commented.

She was right. I was just about to order the bombardment, but then an idea crept into my mind. “Mortar teams. Fire two smoke rounds behind the charging goblins and one explosive round in front of them.”

“What are you playing at?” Fleur asked. “You should just destroy them.”

“That would be a violation of the Third Rule of Acquisition.”

“Which is…?”

“‘Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.’ Words are cheaper than shells.”

“You’re going to use words to defeat goblins? Goblins?! How can you possibly hope to do that?”

“Rule One Ninety Four: ‘It's always good to know about new customers before they walk in your door.’”

“I worry about you risking our life on something you learned from Star Trek.”

The shells were fired and landed more or less where I intended, though the explosive one ended up clipping the front of the goblin wave. In truth, that was probably for the best. I rode out in front of the horde. “Goblins!” I shouted in their language. “You have seen the power of our fireworks! I am willing to trade some to you! Will you trade with me?”

They stopped in their tracks. I had uttered the magic word. Goblins love fireworks. “What you want for fireworks?” one shouted back.

I grinned. “Hobgoblin heads!” They exchanged glances. They were on the fence about that one. “I’ll give you this many fireworks for each hobgoblin head,” I said, holding up all five fingers on my left hand. “And I’ll throw in a barrel of pickles as a bonus if you can bring me thirty hobgoblin heads!”

It didn’t take long for them to do the math. Well, “math”. They didn’t know how many fireworks exactly they stood to gain, but they knew it was more than they’d likely ever seen. Almost as one, they turned and charged back at the hobgoblins, who were still oblivious thanks to the wall of smoke.

“I think that distraction will work nicely,” Geo said over the radio. I caught a glimpse of him as his skin changed color to blend into his surroundings while he crept up on the enemy army.

Of course, it didn’t all go our way. The shield seemed to block missile weapons in both directions, but spells were a different story. It was only logical that a Runelord might want to attack his enemies from inside the safety of the shield, so I wasn’t surprised when a fireball flew out at us several minutes after the goblin chaos began, just disappointed. I had really been hoping that wouldn’t be the case.

“I have to bring down that shield,” I said to no one in particular as a volley of magical projectiles came flying at our position.

“Any ideas, bruh?” Paulie asked from where he was heroically trying to protect one of our mortar teams.

“Just the one, and I don’t like it.”

“Sounds like we have no choice,” he replied.

“You’re right about that. I’m going to need my horse.” I walked over to where Pinkie Pie was. “Okay, girl. We’re going to do something stupid, but the part after could be fun, right? Yeah, I thought you might agree.”

“Wait,” Fleur interjected.

“What?”

“I know what you’re planning. You’re not up to this.”

“I don’t exactly have anyone else I can send. Has to be me. Someone else might get it wrong.”

“Not true. There’s one other person who can do it.”

“Who?” I was genuinely curious. I was hoping she meant Squibbles, since this was stupid bordering on suicidal and I still owed him for the thing the other day.

“Me. I will take the ring to Mordor. And I know the way.”

“What?”

“Believe in the you who believes in me. We’re in this together.” Was she insane? Was I insane for considering it? Probably yes on both counts.

I sighed and then chuckled. “Let it go. Let it go! Can’t hold it back anymore.”

“Time to give me an entrance. No Digimon this time. And no Power Rangers either.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, yes.” I walked over to the front lines with Pinkie following me. I then tapped into the speakers again and struck a pose. “My Heart: UNLOCK!”

Fleur laughed. “Shugo Chara! You went with Shugo Chara?! You’re such an ass!”

I smirked as I activated my magic hat. As always, it felt weird as my whole body began to writhe and roil in its transformation. The last thing I did while in control was to start the activation of my magic bracers to allow Fleur to change her clothing to fit her mood.

…And suddenly, the transformation was over and I found myself in charge of our body. Fuddy Duddy just stared. “Fleur? Why do you look like Jinx?”

I beamed, looking adorable with my dimples and blue-green pigtails. “Because!”

“Oh god. This was a mistake.”

I ignored him and hopped on Pinkie Pie’s back. “Let’s go! For cupcakes! For victory! FOR PONY!” Pinkie charged straight forward. We weaved our way past undead, narrowly avoiding crossbow fire.

“Wouldn’t it be better to sneak around behind them?”

“Maybe, but not as fun! Besides, I bet they never expected this!” I tapped the radio. “Mortar teams! Be prepared to fire on giants! I’ll try to leave you a few!” I threw grenades behind me to slow down several giants that had started pursuit, then drew our gun and kneecapped another in our way.

We charged past several more bewildered giants and I began pulling out the little surprise Fuddy had hidden in his bag. “You know how to use that?” he asked.

“I was watching when you made it. I think I can figure it out.”

“We’re going to die.”

“Oh hush. I need to concentrate.” We were close. I could see Lyrie, Lucrecia and even Mokmurian giving me incredulous looks, completely unbelieving that just one of us would charge them. I’m not even sure they realized it was me doing it. Just that any one of us would do so. I winked at them, not sure I was close enough for them to see it. “Wanna join me? Come and play!” I sang at them. “But I might shoot you in your face…”

“Oh, God. She’s singing that song. We’re definitely going to die,” Fuddy muttered.

I ignored him. “Bombs and bullets will do the trick, but what we need here…” I threw the armed canister, only slightly larger than a football, at them and wheeled Pinkie around to begin our escape. “…is a little bit of panic!” The canister exploded upon impact with the ground. Even at my distance, I caught scent of an overwhelming stench of garlic and horseradish as the explosion instantly released a massive cloud of highly pressurized mustard gas instantly.

I looked over my shoulder. Lucrecia grabbed Lyrie and the two teleported away. Mokmurian covered his face with his hands and ran, desperate to escape the cloud. From what I could tell, the rune-covered enslaved giant sorcerers currently channeling on the artifact didn’t even try to escape.

Pinkie charged past a pair of dumbstruck giants. I fired several rounds behind me at them. “Do you ever want to catch me? Right now I'm feeling ignored! So can you try a little harder? I'm really getting bored!” The giants roared and began to give chase. I tossed another grenade behind me as Pinkie dodged an ogre’s thrown club.

“The shield just fell,” Fuddy told me. I hadn’t even noticed. “You should radio the mortar teams and tell them to fire.”

I tapped the radio. “Come on! Shoot faster! Just a little bit of energy yeah!”

“Do you really need to keep singing?”

Pinkie was enjoying it. So yes. I really did. “I wanna try something fun right now, I guess some people call it anarchy!” The sounds of mortar fire began striking all around, though carefully aimed to not hit anywhere close to me or where Geo might still be over by the hobgoblins. I began riding around ogres in a circle, herding them into a tight ball as the goofily tried to follow me instead of working together to head me off.

I tossed a couple grenades into the crowd, laughing my head off as I did so. “Oh no,” Fuddy gasped. “This isn’t good. This is definitely doubleplusungood.”

“Quit being a drama queen!” I laughed.

“You don’t understand! I finally figured it out!”

“You going to get to the point sometime today?” I asked as I gleefully threw yet another grenade.

“Rarity died because of my generosity! Applejack died because I chose to be honest with myself! Fluttershy died after I had a moment of kindness!”

“So?” I said, giggling as one of the bullets I fired hit a pursuing hill giant in the forehead. I threw another grenade.

“PINKIE PIE REPRESENTS LAUGHTER!”

Right on cue, the grenade I tossed exploded. Normally not a problem, but the concussive blast sent a piece of metal, either from the grenade itself or another source, flying directly our way. It missed me, but hit Pinkie Pie in the neck, severing both her carotid artery and jugular vein. She was dead before we hit the ground.

I got to my feet quickly, winded from the fall, but otherwise okay. For the moment at least. I was surrounded by hostiles, only had a couple dozen rounds before I had to take the time to change the battery on my gun – a longer process than swapping a clip – and was down to only a couple grenades.

I tapped the radio to a commander only channel. “If I fall, hit this area with the full spread of the mortars.” I began firing in desperation. The closest were only ogres, so they fell quickly, but it was looking grim. Fuddy began calling out targets, aiding me immensely and allowing me to focus on making my shots count rather than having to decide which enemy was the most immediate threat.

We managed to buy a little breathing room as our enemies tried to decide how best to attack us. I think the only reason we were alive now was that Geo had been successful. There’s no way the hobgoblins wouldn’t have taken advantage of this if they weren’t in chaos at the moment.

But I had to face the truth. There was no way out of this. All I could do was as much damage as possible before dying. “Sorry,” I told Fuddy. “I got carried away and messed up.”

“Don’t give up hope. Keep fighting.”

“I’m not sure we have much fight left.”

“You’d be surprised. ‘The humans, I think, knew they were doomed. Where another race would surrender to despair, the humans fought back with greater strength. They made the Minbari fight for every inch of space. In my life, I have never seen anything like it; They would weep, they would pray, they would say goodbye to their loved ones, and then throw themselves without fear or hesitation at the very face of death itself, never surrendering. No one who saw them fighting against the inevitable could help but be moved to tears by their courage. Their stubborn nobility. When they ran out of ships, they used guns, when they ran out guns they used knives and sticks and bare hands. They were magnificent. I only hope that when it is my time, I may die with half as much dignity as I saw in their eyes in the end.’”

He was quoting fiction again. Unfortunately, I knew the end of the quote, the part he left out. As we continued fighting, I finished it for him. “‘They never ran out of courage but, in the end, they ran out of time.’ Just like us. Our ammo is up and so is our time.”

He smiled. “I wouldn’t say that,” he replied mysteriously. I braced myself for the death blow coming from a stone giant, flinching in anticipation of my death, but it never came. I looked again and this time I saw a glowing halo, white wings and silver skin standing between me and the giant. “Huh. She has a new manifest characteristic.”

“Sorry I’m late,” Aurora said. “I had to tell them to send in Lenn.”

“You’re just in time!” I replied excitedly. We might just live after all!

Another ogre charged, but was brought down by a half dozen well placed arrows in the side of its skull. I glanced over and Paulie waved from several hundred yards away. Then suddenly Geo was next to us.

“Need some help?” the tentacled man asked.

“I’ll take it,” I replied. “How’d it go with the hobgoblins?”

“There wasn’t much left once your goblin friends got through with them. Nasty little buggers never even realized they were outnumbered and fought to a brutal end.” I must admit that I felt kinda bad for them.

I didn’t so much see Lenn as I saw the effects of Lenn. Giants started falling at the other end of the horde, with his attack turning into a rout fairly quickly. He reached us shortly with a big grin on his face. “I KILLED GIANTS!” he roared.

“Good job, big guy,” I said. Safe at last, the adrenaline began to wear off and it all caught up with me. My muscles faltered and my legs gave out under me.

“You overdid it,” Fuddy said. “You’re not used to this.” I couldn’t even summon the strength to argue.

Aurora caught me before I fell. “Easy now.”

“L-Loosen the ribbon in my hair?” I asked. She nodded and gave it a tug. I surrendered to my exhaustion as my body reverted and gave Fuddy control back.

“Are you okay?” Aurora asked me, our faces close enough to make me blush slightly.

“I’ll be fine,” I said, popping off the magic bracers and returning my clothes to normal. Fleur really had overdone it. I would have killed a man for a two liter of Baja Blast or a six hour nap. With Aurora’s help, I stood up completely. “It sounds like they’re out of shells and we still have work to do. I just need a few moments to catch my breath first.” The enemy didn’t give me those few moments.

On the walls of the fortress were some massive catapults. One of them fired something that wasn’t stone or any normal ammunition. What landed was the stuff of nightmares.

First of all, let me state that I don’t think it was an undead creature. It was a construct of some kind. But it was made mostly of bones. Giant bones. And maybe some mammoth bones. It was a massive centipede like thing, with seventeen sets of legs, each of which was taller than I. In the front it had a pair of massive scything blades made of what looked like glaucite – an alloy of adamantine and steel, if you’re curious. Its “head” was made from a mammoth skull combined with the fanged jaw of some great dragon, with four massive, glowing red eyes.

I knew a raid boss when I saw one. First things first. We needed a tank. I tapped the radio. “Orik! I need you to grab its attention. Use that shield of yours to stay alive!”

“On it!”

“Lenn! Try to take out its legs!”

“RRRRAAAAAAWWWRRRR!!!!”

“Aurora, go get some grenades and try to hit it from the air.” I had another idea. “Also, take this to Paulie,” I said as I handed her several pre-measured wads of C-4 and some detonators.

“Be careful out there!”

“You, too.” I turned to Geo. “You’re the anatomy guy. See any weak points?”

“Several along the spine.”

I handed him more C-4 and detonators. “They’re all ready to go. Slap them on stick and in the detonator. I’ll set them off when you’re clear.”

“Leave it to me.”

I radioed again. “Paulie, has Aurora given you what I sent?”

“THIS IS A GLORIOUS FOE!” Oh, great, he’d shifted again.

“So, is that a yes?”

“Indeed!”

“Attach a lump to your arrow and carefully put in the detonator. Then fire where you want to do damage. Those are impact detonators, so they should go off when you hit. Try to aim for the monster’s jaw and the shoulders where those blades are attached.”

“FOR GLORY!”

I could do little more than watch as the others fought. It went pretty much as planned. Paulie’s shots were magnificent as usual. With three arrows, he neutralized the construct’s strongest weapons. Aurora and Lenn’s attacks quickly reduced its mobility. And Geo was amazing. He ran right up the thing’s side and managed to place each of his charges without slowing down once.

Once he dove off, I shouted, “Clear!” into the radio and set off the charges with a radio trigger. The construct fell apart in a half dozen places and our men cheered.

“Now that was badass!” Fleur said weakly.

“You did good too,” I said approvingly.

She flashed an exhausted smile. “What now?”

“I’m tired of their shit.” I tapped the radio. “Begin conversion procedures. Authorization O’Halloran Delta Three Four Sigma Magnus Six.”

“Acknowledged,” the VI responded.

“Mortar teams, if you have any smoke rounds left, put up a screen between our carts and the fortress. I want this to be a surprise. Orik, Squibbles, ready teams as we’ve discussed.”

Paulie brought me a spare horse and hit me with rejuvenative magic – which is the next best thing to an IV drip of Baja Blast, so I felt great. We then rode back and I began overseeing the transformation of the pair of modified carts – well, more like carriages, really – into helicopters.

Truth is, for them to simply fly, the transformation was unnecessary. They were animated constructs and could magically fly on their own. The magitech powered rotors were for enhancing stability, speed and carry weight. For reference, a Black Hawk can carry up to 20 lightly equipped personnel. My X-187 Thunder Horses can carry up to ten heavily armed and armored individuals as well as enough armament to control or destroy a small Third World nation. And it could do all of this at a speed of about one hundred forty miles an hour.

Conversion took no more than five minutes. We were in the air two minutes after that. Naturally, when we took off, I had the outside speakers blaring Ride of the Valkyries.

Flight was controlled by the VI’s interface, but I had put in all the familiar controls out of a sense of propriety. Truth be told, if I needed to, the whole thing could run on voice commands. All it was really missing was ergonomic leather seats.

“Warning,” came the VI’s voice. “Bogeys detected. Initiate countermeasures?”

“Do it,” I replied.

Our helicopter came to a halt and rotated about twenty degrees before unleashing a barrage of hot lead upon a trio of harpies flying our way. They never had a chance. “Targets eliminated. Detecting additional bogeys. Firing anti-air missiles.” Three missiles fired from each helicopter, taking out a bunch of wyverns that were rushing to meet us and raining gore upon anything below.

I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. “Strafe the walls. Use rocket pods on the siege engines and machine guns on everything else. Prioritize anything that can attack us back.”

“Acknowledged.”

It was a slaughter. There were giants, hobgoblins and ogres – semantically, they’re a type of giant, but I hold a special hatred for them, so I’ll continue keeping them separate – stationed all along the wall. Not a one of them was a match for the wall of hot lead that poured forth from the two helicopters. The siege engines didn’t fare any better, being utterly destroyed by dozens of rockets.

I felt elated as I watched the devastation before us. Not because we were killing people, but because each death potentially meant one less danger to the people we were trying to protect. Regardless of anything else, I was certain we were saving a lot of lives today, even as we were taking so many.

My elation vanished when I saw the look of horror on Aurora’s face. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“How can you be happy? This isn’t war!” Her tone was accusatory. “There’s no glory, no honor here! We aren’t fighting an enemy by strength of arms or testing our cunning versus our foes! This is just a slaughter, as though these were no more than ants before us!”

It has been said that war never changes, but as I looked upon Aurora’s face in that moment, as her words washed over me, I realized how wrong that was. In the span of time I had been on Golarion, not only had war changed, but I had been the one to change it. War had gone from being a contest of strength where you faced your enemy on the field of battle, where you got close enough to see the anger in your opponent’s eyes as you tried your very best to kill one another in manual combat.

War had been something personal, almost ritualized. But in one day, it had gone from that to being something done at a distance, almost indiscriminately. I had taken changes that happened over a millennium back home and had inflicted them on this world in a day. And Aurora, who had always idolized knighthood and the rituals of combat, had been there to witness it. It was possible that she hated me now. The look in her eyes certainly made me feel like it was a possibility.

I’m not saying what happened next was right or even smart. What I’m saying is that I need you to understand the pain I was in before you judge how I reacted. The look in her eyes hurt so much that I could only react with anger if I didn’t want to succumb to despair. “Honor?” I asked, my tone filled with rage. “You think there’s honor in killing? No, there is no honor in war and never has been! The only honor is in protecting those who cannot protect themselves and they don’t care how you do it. The only thing that matters is killing your enemy or making him so afraid that you’ll kill him that he’d never dare harm an innocent. Glory is only in coming home to see those you protect.” If I had stopped there, maybe it would have been okay. But I didn’t. I had to keep speaking. “So forgive me if I don’t subscribe to your antiquated notions of glory and honor of war.”

Seeing how much my words hurt her, I regretted it immediately after saying it, but I was still so hurt that I couldn’t apologize. I wanted nothing more than to leave the situation and hit something. I looked out the side of the helicopter. We were hovering about a hundred feet over the fortress walls. With my magic boots, I could survive easily, and I was sure there was one other person who could go with me. I tapped Lenn on the shoulder. “WHAT?” he bellowed over the sound of the rotors.

“Let’s go see if there are any giants down there still alive.”

“GIANTS!” he roared, leaping out the open side of the helicopter.

“VI, switch the music to something that rocks.” I prepared to jump after him, but Geo stopped me. “What are you doing?!”

“I’m going to go secure a landing zone so we can disembark and find some enemies.”

“Why?”

“Because apparently we’re only supposed to kill them face to face like civilized people,” I sneered, still angry. The music finally changed and I couldn’t help but chuckle darkly at the VI’s choice. It was gloriously appropriate. I took a deep breath with the intro, then sang along with the music as I jumped after Lenn. “I see a red door and want to paint it black!”

As I fell, I couldn’t help but think that I had, in a few moments, ruined any shot of remaining friends with Aurora, much less ever being together. A part of me hoped that the fall would kill me, but I landed softly in a three-point stance. I surveyed the area around me and only Lenn was moving. A pity. I really wanted to shoot something right then. Though, for all I knew, even that would lack in glory or honor. Alone, momentarily at least, my grief washed over me. At that moment, more than any other, I regretted coming to Golarion.

No colors anymore, I want them to turn black.


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Sky-Blue Days

Spoiler:
We were attacked almost immediately by a pair of frost giants –silly me, I forgot my Mjolnir back at the inn – who commanded a whole pack of animals. Of course, giants wouldn’t have any normal animals, so we weren’t talking about a bunch of dogs or even wolves. Nope, they had a dire bear and four mammoths. Yes, mammoths.

And, of course, silly me, I forgot my tribe of Neanderthals back at the inn.

“GIANTS!” Lenn roared beside me.

“GIANTS!” Lenn roared above me. Wait, what? I looked up to see that Geo had transformed once more into what we were alternatively calling ‘Old Lenn’ and ‘Lenn Classic’ and was now doing a fairly good impression of fast roping down from the helicopter. I hadn’t taught him about that technique, so either it was used on Golarion in some fashion or he was inventing it right then. Either way, pretty impressive.

And forget what I said about forgetting my tribe of Neanderthals.

The fighting, as it usually is, was quick and dirty. Lenn and Geo!Lenn worked well together, even more than Lenn and Geo did. Between that, a few grenades, Paulie firing from above and Aurora dive bombing a mammoth, it wasn’t too difficult of a fight.

Once we were sure the surface area was secure, we had the helicopters land and I radioed Squibbles. “Outer fortress secure. Begin moving remaining forces in. Pick up that shield stone on the way. We’ll be leaving Orik and his forces to secure the area while we continue inside.”

“Got it!” Squibbles said excitedly.

We headed into the Black Tower at the heart of the fortress. Inside, we were greeted by a rush of cool air. It felt pretty nice. Like glorious air conditioning. But, as they say, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. As we made our way inside, it became clearer that it was going to get colder. I pulled off that silly sihedron medallion and popped on a magical necklace like the one I’d worn through space with Samantha. It protected me from vacuum, so a little cool air shouldn’t be an issue.

As comfortable as I was, we would still have to move quickly. The enchantments I’d put on Aurora’s armor to make it more comfortable would offer her about as much protection as those suits scientists wear in Antarctica, but everyone else was stuck putting on what they had for basic winter gear.

In the center of the room, we found a trapdoor frozen shut. A bit of magical fire later, it was open and we found ourselves staring down a fifty foot shaft into darkness. I dropped a torch down and estimated that we were looking at a roughly eighty foot descent all in all based on the time it took to hit bottom.

Geo!Lenn jumped down, intending to slow his descent by pressing against the walls of the shaft as he fell. Unfortunately, he hadn’t noticed that the shaft was coated in ice. He shot down at nearly full speed and landed hard.

“I’m okay!” he shouted up at us. “But hurry down!”

Lenn dropped down after him, not bothering to slow his fall. Then Aurora went next, using her wings to land safely. I dropped down after, slowing my fall with a knife in the ice and relying on my boots to take care of the rest. Moments later, Paulie followed after us, sliding down on a rope.

Oh, right. We had rope. Oops.

I had been right about the cold. It was probably somewhere in the region of ten below zero – Fahrenheit because I’m American, of course – not that it bothered me at all. Magic is great sometimes. And again, if it’s good enough for use in outer space, it’ll probably at least be some help planetside.

I heard the enemy before I saw him. “The green light! The green light!” he kept repeating in Thassilonian as some kind of madness mantra. We got eyes on him quickly and I was not happy with what I was seeing.

Then again, I doubt anyone would be happy to see that they were trapped in a chamber with a flying Thassilonian mummy. Yes, flying. His legs were bound together, so how else was he supposed to get around?

He tried to hit us with a breath attack, some kind of necromantic poison gas. The others had to dodge away, but the gasses he was breathing were unable to reach me thanks to the magic of my necklace.

The real problem was the flight. Only Aurora could fly up and hit it, which became a problem when it hit her back and stunned her, sending her crashing to the ground. Paulie and I could shoot at it, but it seemed like it would take forever to do any real damage.

Once more, Paulie remembered we had rope, managed to hook it with several lines and we dragged it to the ground where Lenn beat it to death – death plus, maybe? – with his axe. It let out a horrible screech of terror as the big guy beat its face into a pulp.

We looked around a bit and found nothing of interest aside from the massive adamantine scroll case on the mummy’s back, so we took our prize and made our way through a door into a much warmer room beyond to get a better look at it.

In the light of Aurora’s halo, we could see that the case was sealed with a combination lock made of five spinning rings. If Geo had been Geo at the moment, I would have pulled apart a radio and rigged it into a listening device so he could safe crack it. But Geo!Lenn informed me that he didn’t have that kind of skill.

So we forced it open with a crowbar. Adamantine or no, the hinges were still vulnerable. We only destroyed three of the scrolls within. I could repair them later. Besides, what was undestroyed was more interesting.

First of all, there were five more scrolls. That was cool. Then there was a full set of nine scrolls attached to a single set of rods. Together, they were some kind of artifact. I know this because I was unable to destroy them after my first attempt at reading them.

Let me explain. I pulled it open and even as I did so, I felt it resist. Then, as I read the runes on the page – vaguely interesting information about monsters of Thassilon – I began hearing voices. Voices whispering madness.

And this time, it wasn’t Fleur.

<Margin Note: You will give in! You will teach wizards to make Chunky Monkey ice cream! OOOOOHHHHH!>
<Margin Note: Give in to Glorious Cherry Garcia Master Race.>
<Margin Note: Hate you.>

I know a cursed artifact when I see one. So I tried lighting it on fire. It burned, but was not consumed. Then the fire spontaneously went out. We came to a quick consensus that we would encase the whole thing in cement and throw it into the first volcano we found.

There was one more thing in the scroll case that really piqued my interest. It was an invitation to a library. Yeah, maybe I’m a bit of a nerd. Just a little. Don’t tell anyone. It was to be presented to some kind of “Clockwork Librarian” at the “Therassic Library”. I had heard that word before, Therassic. It was some order of monks in ancient Thassilon. It was entirely possible that this was their monastery and the library was nearby. One could hope.

The writ had another bit of interesting information. Apparently the library had bronze doors warded against intrusion and there was a password. The password was “Viosanxi”, the name of the library’s architect. Sounds like he was the kind of guy who uses “Password” for access to his bank account.

We fought our way past another giant and his pack of bears, making our way into what looked like living quarters. There wasn’t much of note there aside from a journal we found. It stuck out to us because it was written in Elven, but had obviously been written by a giant. Where a giant learned Elven, I don’t know. But it was.

Her name had been Conna, and she had been excited about our arrival. Apparently Mokmurian had killed her mate and taken over their tribe. She was hoping we’d help her overthrow him so her tribe could return to their proud traditions and beloved isolation.

At this point, you know how this story ends. We showed up and I’m pretty sure we had already killed her and most of her tribe. Using my mortars and helicopters. Crap.

Inside the room that seemed to be a larder, we found tons – literal tons! – of meat in the form of numerous skinned animals. In one corner was a barrel marked “Candy” in the language of giants. We opened it and found a bunch of eyeballs, and they weren’t all from game animals. One more thing to add to the burn pile later.

In the tunnels, we came across a kobold. She furiously attacked us and came up against the brutal attacks of two Lenns, then fled. Now, I’ve heard stories of adventurers attacking kobold dens. There’s a particularly legendary man, missing both legs and an arm if the tales are to be believed, who described a horrific encounter while trying to deal with a group of kobold bandits. His name was Tucker or something, I think.

Anyway, I knew we couldn’t let her escape and I had a plan. I spotted something very interesting around her neck. “Lenns! Hold back! Paulie! Light her on fire!”

“YEEEEEEE!” the tiefling screeched happily, unleashing a fireball. I used magic to hit her with burning conjured snapdragon as well. I’m not sure which attack did the work, but it doesn’t matter. What killed her was the multiple fireballs from her magical necklace as one of our spells set off all the beads.

Lenn enjoyed the show and laughed loudly. It was infectious and we all joined in. It was pretty great. During the mirth, I looked over at Aurora. Our eyes met and she frowned and turned away. So much for the mood of levity.

We continued onward and found ourselves first against a pair of mentally enslaved dragons. I managed to free one of them, and it flew off. We found it shortly afterward, fighting against a pair of lion bodied lamias in a makeshift temple to Lamashtu, because of course there was a temple to Lamashtu in there somewhere. We murdered them and decided we’d have Magrim come in to cleanse the temple later and continued onward, deeper into the tunnels.

We came across some kind of statue. From a distance, I thought it looked like a golem, but when Lenn and Geo!Lenn approached, nothing happened, so we continued on. However, when I passed, it moved. But it didn’t attack until Aurora stepped forward. I suspect it had been ordered to attack any non-giants that passed. Lenn and Geo!Lenn passed as giants by its reasoning – not that I’d ever tell them that – and I had been tall enough to make it hesitate for a moment, but Aurora had certainly set off its attack.

Like most of our foes thus far, it fell to a combination of LENN SMASH and PAULIE BURN. The sound of the fight attracted the attention of some kind of headless ogre and its zombie ogre minions. Don’t ask me to explain how the headless ogre heard the fighting. I don’t know. Vibrations in its feet or something?

Lenn was still a bit worn out from the last fight, so Aurora took the lead on this one. Her lightning fast strikes were akin to a lawnmower against zombie flesh, making short work of the headless ogre while the rest of us supported her.

Tiny, but fierce indeed.

Having caught his breath, Lenn took the lead when the Forgefiend – a ten foot tall barrel shaped fiend from the Plane of Earth(the dirt, not the planet) that eats metal ores and occasionally armor and weapons – attacked. No idea how Mokmurian had bound it, but it didn’t matter. It looked like a weird giant, so Lenn beat it to death. He really was in his element here, his element being “hitting big things with an axe”.

Beyond the forgefiend was a massive cauldron. “A runeslave cauldron,” Paulie said in his “gargling gravel” voice, indicating another personality swap. That’s what I’d been thinking. Also, he’s been getting really good at controlling these swaps. They seem to tire him, though.

A quick vote later, we decided that something capable of enslaving giants was both too powerful and too horrible to allow to exist. We attempted to destroy it, but just like the scrolls, it was too powerful to break with normal means. I remember there being a method for it, but I either never knew the method or couldn’t recall. So, concrete and volcano it was once more. We just needed to find a volcano.

We continued on and found our way to a set of bronze doors. I found myself getting excited. Who knew what this library held. Maybe I’d find what I’d been looking for. “Viosanxi,” I said. The doors swung open, revealing an impressive library within.

A clockwork construct approached us. It was pitiful. The poor thing had spent thousands of years in here without any kind of maintenance. I activated my magic sight and could see that there were spells about to prevent the effects of time on inanimate objects within the library, but they wouldn’t help the poor librarian. It had been forced to repair itself and had been pretty inadequate for the job.

One of its three legs dragged behind it, one of the gems it used for eyes was missing and one arm was completely useless. Beyond that were numerous smaller issues. It was a wonder that it could even run. I felt incredibly bad for it.

<Margin Note: You probably feel sorry for this lamp. That is because you’re stupid. The lamp has no feelings and the new lamp is much better.>
<Margin Note: Hush, you.>

I presented the writ to the librarian. “Welcome,” it said in a halting, grinding voice. Understandably, it spoke Thassilonian. “Which volume of lore would you like me to retrieve for you? There are currently twenty four thousand, four hundred ninety one volumes, scrolls, pamphlets and unbound manuscripts available. Please indicate your wish by author, title, subject or date of acquisition by the Therassic Monastery.” I believed the number. The library was massive with a sixty foot tall domed ceiling and magical crystal chandeliers hanging throughout. No expense had been spared in the pursuit of knowledge.

I managed to convince the librarian that I was the library’s new caretaker and would be repairing it at my first opportunity, though I had the more important task of dealing with dangerous vermin in the areas outside the library before I could get to that. At my request, it directed me to another exit on the far side of the library. While it waited, I asked it to find me anything it could on teleportation magic capable of transporting one interplanetary distances.

Through the door was a strange room with only one corner. I was almost confused, but when I heard the howl, I realized the brilliance. It had been made to house Hounds of Tindalos, They inhabit the angles within space-time, while the rest of us inhabit space-time’s curves. By creating a room with only one angle, you create a perfect room to greatly increase the length of servitude for such creatures using symbolic magic.

I wasn’t sure if the room had been designed by the Thassilonians or if Mokmurian had altered it for his needs, but it really didn’t matter. What did matter was that he had a trio of the beasts at hand to attack us. But, again, we had a two Lenns, a tiefling archer/caster, a knight who was brokering no foolishness and one wizard with an SMG. They were pretty screwed, though I’m sure their howls warned their master we were coming.

We made our way through the tunnels to what the librarian had described as the lecture hall. From outside the door, we could see that the room was filled with fog. I touched the fog, revealing that it was the kind of magical fog that slowed one’s movement. I silently activated my magic sight and peered within.

While I could not see the creature within the room, I could see all of its magical auras, giving me a rough idea of where it was. Based on the auras, I could also deduce the magic items it was wearing. And based on that, I was fairly certain we were looking at a wizard or sorcerer who could see through the fog and was ready to engage us by using the terrain to his advantage.

It was a smart play. But he was being stupid. He had set himself up in a defensive position, surrounded by magical traps so we’d have trouble reaching him. He was a bloody amateur. Don’t believe me? Just ask Michael Westen.

“When a pro plans an ambush, they capitalize on the element of surprise. They attack aggressively so their opponent has to react from a place of weakness. An amateur, on the other hand, is more likely to take a defensive posture which means they are the one acting from a place of weakness.” That isn’t to say he’d be a pushover, but I knew that if I could make him angry, I could force him to give up his advantages.

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s pissing people off.

Fleur had even set the groundwork. “Mokmurian’s inside. Prepare to charge. You’ll know the signal,” I whispered to the others. Then I tapped my hat and changed a few things about myself, including my hair color and style into long teal braids. Only then did I begin to sing.

“Wanna join me, come and play
But I might shoot you, in your face
Bombs and bullets will do the trick
What we need here is a little bit of panic!”

The fog spell he’d used was a clever trick, but it was defeated by a single powerful gust of wind. The amount of magic it takes to create fog literally as thick as pea soup is also much higher than the magic required to create a gust of wind, if you have the spell prepared.

If you’re a wizard who thinks they may have to use mustard gas against your foes, it’s only prudent to prepare the wind spell in case something goes wrong. Now, I know prudence isn’t my really my strong suit, but in this case, paranoia will suffice.

Upon singing the word “panic”, I unleashed a gust of wind, tearing away the veil of fog. Mokmurian, scarred by the corrosive mustard gas, reacted by unleashing a cloud of poisonous gas – the locals call the spell “Cloudkill” – upon my position.

“See how you like it!” he shouted, snarling in rage.

My companions rushed into the room and out of the cloud. I just stood there, nonchalantly checking my fingernails for dirt. “It’s fine. Not a very good smell, mind you, but it’s fine.” Unlike me, he hadn’t given himself permanent at will magic sight. Which meant he didn’t know that I was still wearing the necklace I had put on to keep out the cold. Again, if it works against the vacuum of space, no simple gas cloud is going to be a danger.

I winked and he howled again with rage, unleashing a magical ray of disintegration at me. It hurt, but I survived it just fine. And at that point, I was no longer the threat to him. He had two Lenns and Aurora upon him and Paulie had conjured up one of his ancestors. “ON-WARD!” the tiefling sang out.

Aurora cut one of his Achilles’ tendons and he responded by using telekinesis to throw her against a wall. In the process, he exposed himself to attacks from Lenn and Geo!Lenn, which proved brutally effective.

Suddenly realizing the real chance of losing, Mokmurian tried to cast a spell to teleport away. That was what I had been waiting for. I analyzed the magic and targeted him with a dispel, cutting a few necessary threads before the spell’s matrix could coalesce, leaving him trapped in a room with a pair of angry Lenns.

It wasn’t pretty.

As he lay on the ground, dying, I walked over calmly and drew my gun. “Please, spare me!” the giant wizard begged.

I raised my weapon, aiming it at his head. “I did warn you this might be the outcome,” I said with a sardonic smile before shooting him in the face.

“Pwned,” Fleur chimed in. Dork.

If I were a better artist, this would be the page with an illustration of the black tower with the date, time and the words “Fortress of the Stone Giants: Secured” or something written on it. But I’m not great with non-technical illustrations, so, I apologize for not doing so. But that does bring me to reveal a bit of something as way of apology.

Thanks to the smuggling of my new MP3 player, I had learned so very much. But there is one thing that I hadn’t even considered until a few evenings prior, when I noticed it had a running calendar. I now knew what day it was back home. So in lieu of illustration, let me just write:

8:47pm UTC-07
March 1st, 2025
Fortress of the Stone Giants: Secured
Happy Birthday to me.

I have been gone for a little under eleven years. But I was beginning to believe that it wouldn’t go as long as twelve. And yes, by some goofy coincidence, we defeated Mokmurian on my birthday. I mean, it’s only a one in a three-sixty-five chance, so it’s not that big of a coincidence. But it was amusing.

But that wasn’t the only thing that happened then. Because immediately after I shot Mokmurian, his body stood, his eyes glowing. A voice that was not his own poured from his lips, resonating through the chamber at an oppressive hundred and ten decibels.

“So these are the heroes of this age. Gasping worms to be crushed into the earth when I awaken the armies of Xin Shalast, when the name of Karzoug is again spoken with awe and fear. Know that the deaths of those marked with the Sihedron – a bounty of which you have provided this day – hasten my return, just as yours soon will. Fools, all of you! Is this all that could be accomplished in ten thousand years?”

I stood defiant. I don’t like bullies. “You have yet to begin to see what we can do. Bring your armies. We’ll crush them like we crushed your giants.”

The voice laughed. “Once more pride tests itself against me. Come then, and we shall see what you can do!” The giant’s body crumpled once more, disintegrating and leaving nothing but his gear. So much for any thought of using the Runeslave Cauldron on his corpse to bring him back for use against our enemies.

Not that I had ever even considered such a thing, mind you.

We secured the upper levels and a path to the library, then I set to work repairing the librarian with the aid of the technicians. Between us, it didn’t take all that long at all to set it back to full working order. The poor thing was so grateful that I’m sure I had its undying devotion.

When I fabricated a handheld document scanner the next day, it was more than happy to begin scanning everything in the library for me. It also gave me a special prize it had found, the torn fragment of a scroll that once held a spell that would have allowed me to teleport home across any distance. It wasn’t quite enough for me to reconstruct the spell, but it was a place to start.

We continued working through the vast tunnels, securing zones and massive piles of treasure. In fact, the treasure was so great that we weren’t going to be able to move it all out on our own. We needed help. So I sent a message to the Voidstrife factor in Magnimar to make the arrangements on our fourth day.

Imagine my astonishment when Chadwick appeared out of nowhere that evening with the unmistakable pop of teleportation magic. “What are you doing here?” I asked my adopted brother.

“Our office in Magnimar has been sending me some very concerning reports. When you requested we send a wizard with a half dozen portable holes to move some stuff to Magnimar, I decided I would come personally and address the concerns.” Yes, six portable holes. There was a lot of treasure.

“Okay, what are you concerned about?”

He pulled something out of his pocket. “This. Why did you have our factor acquire so much of it?”

I laughed. “That’s it? That’s the big worry?” I opened my bag and fished around for a minute. “Do you know what this is?” I asked, handing him a small metallic disc.

His eyes went wide. “I’ve never seen so much of it at once. Where did you get it?”

I tapped the rock he was holding. “From one of those. The alchemical processes people use to get aluminum are expensive and only work on rarer sources. I can extract it easily from very common sources. I had him get it on a hunch because I may need it to build something we can sell at value. But if not, I’ll just extract enough to double our initial investment without oversaturating the market and keep the rest for my own work.” I had explained why I might need all that bauxite, but I guess I had forgotten to mention that aluminum was a metal known on Golarion that was more valuable than platinum.

“Okay, good. So you haven’t gone crazy.”

“No more than usual. So, did you bring the portable holes?”

“I did. We’re charging seven percent of the value of goods for transport to anyone in your party, so I believe we stand to make mutual profits from this arrangement. Normally, it’s ten, but they’re with you, so I’m giving a discount. Of course, anything of yours can go for free. That goes for anything Aurora sends as well.” He must have seen me wince when he said Aurora’s name. “What’s wrong?”

“We’re kinda fighting right now.”

He smacked me upside the head. “Then go apologize for whatever you said or did.”

I had tried. It was just hard to talk to her the last couple days. The first day had been bad. She was still really upset. We ended up fighting some more. Then it had been pretty silent. Every time I tried to talk, I could tell she didn’t want to. So we explored in silence.

I took refuge in crafting. I needed to take my mind off of it, so I worked on completing the present I had been making her – which I was pretty sure she wouldn’t want anymore, but I couldn’t leave it incomplete – and then I began work on my own special project. Top secret. Very confidential.

“We think there might be a few more areas to scout. Can you wait until tomorrow evening to head out?”

“Sure, as long as you have somewhere for me to sleep and enough food.”

I nodded. “Easily done. In the meantime, want to check out the library?”

“Library?”

“Ancient Thassilonian. Amazing stuff in there you have to see.”

I took him to check it out. No more than half an hour in, he had made a decision. “We have to own this. Do you think we’d be able to take all of this back to Absalom?”

I shook my head. “Nope. Anything in here that gets taken out undergoes the full ravages of the time it spent inside the library upon leaving the room. I’ve been making copies, but this has to stay here.”

“Then who owns the library?”

“It technically belongs to a long dead order. The librarian has accepted me as the monastery’s new caretaker, though, so I’m sure we could have the family take over the whole thing, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I am. Someone’s going to claim it. Might as well be us.”

I grinned. “Put everyone here on the payroll. Waive the transport fee as payment for services rendered. Make it official and I don’t think anyone will complain. Especially if you give the artifact we seized to the Lord Mayor as a joint bribe from the Voidstrifes and the Potent Rainbow Lions. Then retain at least one squad of the PRL to guard this place alongside family forces. Everyone wins. It’s either that or years of legal contests.”

“Done. I’ll make the arrangements tomorrow.”

With Aurora sleeping in another room, the nightmares returned that night. This time, however, they maintained the theme my dreams had been going on. I was in the burned out husk of a village, the torched remains of huts still smoldered around me. “CEDWIN!” I called out. I didn’t know how, but I knew my parents were still dead. My brother was all that I had left in the world. I had to find him. But I felt like I was walking in wet sand and couldn’t get anywhere. He was nowhere to be found.

I was awoken by a scream of agony. At first, I thought it was part of the dream, but when I opened my eyes, it was still there. I got up and rushed towards the sound. Aurora met me in the hallway and we ended up having to kick in the door to Geo’s room.

I will never forget what awaited me inside.

For lack of a better term, Geo had exploded. Bits of him were all over everywhere. In the center of the room stood Lenn, naked. “What happened?!” I asked.

Before Lenn could answer, a voice behind me roared. “I’M TRYING TO SLEEP!”

I knew that voice. I turned and saw Lenn looking out from another room. “What.” It then dawned on me. Geo had done it. He had managed to clone the old Lenn within his own body, but he hadn’t survived the process. I turned away from the room, dropped to my knees and started retching.

We had enough money to pay for the more expensive resurrection he’d need – and dammit, it was coming out of his share! – so, once my stomach settled, I began using light telekinesis to gather his remains up in a bucket. It was a long, disgusting process.

And then it got even more disgusting about an hour later when his remains began crawling together towards the pile I had in the bucket. I never screamed, no matter what anyone tells you.

Ones re-gathered, the body knitted itself together and Geo stood before me like nothing had happened. Well, his clothes hadn’t survived. That was two naked men more than I had hoped to see that day. And weirder, anything he had done to his body to accommodate the process had reversed. “What,” I said for the second time that morning.

“I’m pretty hungry,” he said. “Pregnancy takes a lot out of you.” Just like it was no big deal. What the hell is wrong with my life? At that point, I could either further analyze what he had done to himself, or I could pretend it had never happened and go on with my day.

I’m pretty sure you know what I chose.

After I finished my crafting for the day, I joined Aurora to continue searching through the tunnels. The truth is, what really happened is that I went alone and she followed because she had sworn to be my protector and wouldn’t break that promise, no matter how mad at me she was.

In truth, the chamber we were entering was one we had found the previous day, so there was little to no danger, since we’d already swept it for traps and other hidden hazards. As best we could tell, it belonged to the dragon we had slain in Sandpoint. Its hoard was sizable if not terribly valuable. I would catalog it and then we could divvy it up. I could claim the bulkier, less valuable portions in equal value and break them down into magicite, allowing others to take the more portable filthy lucre.

No one followed us into the treasure hoard. Likely Chadwick’s doing. He was dead set on Aurora and I fixing our problems so we could get together like he wanted us to. Damn shipper. Get a Tumblr blog already.

I was careless. Everything that happened next is my fault. That someone might have snuck in and put in traps after we had searched the treasure hadn’t occurred to me. If I had, perhaps things might have turned out differently.

“Maybe we should talk,” I said, finally.

“I’m not sure I’m up to fighting today,” Aurora said quietly. I knew how she felt. But if there was any hope of salvaging our friendship, we had to talk eventually.

“We’ll take this slow, then,” I said. I paused to formulate my words carefully. In the silence I heard a sound that made my blood run cold. I didn’t know exactly what it would set off, but it was definitely a spell trigger. And the sound came from where Aurora was standing. “Look out!” I shouted, diving without thought at her.

I pushed her away and heard an explosion. Pain tore through my body, then I realized as I hit the ground that I couldn’t feel my legs. How cliché was that?

Aurora rushed to my side. She was saying something, but I couldn’t make out the words. My ears were ringing. Why did everything hurt so bad? “Thank god,” I said, though I couldn’t hear my own voice. “You’re okay.”

As I lay there, the blackness closing in all around me, I could only think of one thing. I had never apologized to Aurora. Like a coward, I could not admit to her how sorry I was for what I said. At that moment, I would have given anything for just a few moments to say those words to her.

But try as I might, I simply could not find the strength to speak. And please believe me, I tried. I tried harder than I’ve ever tried to do anything in my life. But it did no good. It was beyond my ability. I could not do it, for what seemed like an eternity but was likely only a matter of moments.

Instead, all I could do was look up at Aurora, cradling my dying body in her arms. Were those tears in her eyes? Had I made her cry? That was unforgiveable. No. I had to tell her. I gave it my all. Every ounce of strength that remained and even a few ounces I didn’t have.

But it wasn’t enough. As I died – not for the first time in my life, having died on the operating table for a few seconds back when my older brother had nearly beaten me to death – I simply sighed. The darkness that closed in on me was almost comforting, like an old friend.

At least the pain was gone.

From the Desk of Fleur:

Spoiler:
Mm, what'd you say?
Mm, that you only meant well
Well of course you did
Mm, what'd you say?
Mm, that it's all for the best
Of course it is
Mm, what'd you say?
Mm, that it's just what we need
You decided this
Mm, what'd you say?
Mm, what did she say?


Can't wait to see what happens with Kyle...great stuff Poldaran!


GM_Beernorg wrote:
Can't wait to see what happens with Kyle...great stuff Poldaran!

Some big reveals coming up, relating to

Spoiler:
Fleur
among other things. The next section is a three parter, first Kyle's perspective, then Aurora's and finally an addendum from
Spoiler:
Fleur
.

woot!


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Shadows Fall and Hope Has Fled…

Spoiler:
I don’t know what I expected. I mean, maybe I didn’t really expect the white light and tunnel. And I’m not sure I expected to find myself in a queue on a cloud at a literal set of pearly gates. But what I wasn’t expecting was a massive necropolis with a serious Dia De Los Muertos theme going on.

And while I had secretly hoped I would be woken in the realm of the dead by the singing of a beautiful woman, that too turned out just a bit different than I had expected.

My young love said to me, my mother won't mind
And my father won't slight you for your lack of kind
And she went away from me and this she did say:
It will not be long now till our wedding day.

She stepped away from me and she moved through the fair,
And fondly I watched her move here and move there;
And then she went homeward with one star awake,
As the swan in the evening moves over the lake.

The people were saying that no two were e’er wed,
But one had a sorrow that never was said,
And she smiled as she passed, with her goods and her gear,
And that was the last that I saw of my dear.

I dreamt it last night that my young love came in,
So softly she came that her feet made no din;
And she laid her hand on me and this she did say,
“It will not be long, love, till our wedding day.”

I’d first heard that song long ago, at a wake for my great grandmother. I had only been six at the time, so I didn’t get to stay up with the adults and do any of the heavy drinking, but I remember that song clearly. I had met her several times and had always like the crazy old woman. I remember bawling. The tune still brings a few tears to my eye.

As the song ended, I could feel myself start to stir and began to take notice of several things. The first was the scent of several flowers, including fragrant agrimony, marsh orchid and several others I could almost but not quite identify. I also noticed the feel of soft fabric on my right cheek and slightly damp grass beneath the rest of me. I felt a hand softly brush a loose strand of my hair aside.

A voice, the voice of the woman singing, whispered softly into my ear. “Time to wake up, dear brother. I don’t think the locals are very happy with your redecorating.”

I stirred. “What redecorating?” I murmured as I tried to rouse myself.

“Open your eyes, dear brother.”

I opened my eyes to see an alien sky above me. It almost looked like we were in a violet nebula or something. But strangely, the patch of sky directly above was clear and blue. So too it was with the ground around me. While the place we were in appeared to be some kind of Mayan or Incan temple in a jungle-like setting, the ground for maybe fifteen feet in any direction looked like it had been transplanted straight from an Irish meadow.

By the curious looks of those around us, I was guessing that this wasn’t exactly normal. Creatures of many types had flocked around us, trying to catch a glimpse. I recognized a few of the differing types of beings nearby. Some were angels of varying types, as well as their celestial kin, archons, agathions and azata. But there were other beings, not just celestials. Aeons, inevitables, proteans, Valkyries and even the occasional devil passed by, as if we were in the courtyard of some interplanar campus, or perhaps a park next to a courthouse.

Right. The Boneyard. The domain of Pharasma, goddess of death. That explained the psychopomps flittering all over, making everything look kinda like Tucson during All Souls Weekend.

I looked up at the woman cradling my head. To say she was beautiful is an understatement, but there was something more about her, a familial quality as well as a familiarity I was having trouble putting my finger on so soon after waking. It finally clicked. “Katie?” I asked, sitting up. It wasn’t quite right. Her hair was a bit different, much more red than my elder sister.

“You’re in the right neighborhood, dear brother, but at the wrong door,” she said, smiling sweetly.

I studied her features closely. She wasn’t Maggie or Molly. No she looked more like Katie, but there was something different. I almost couldn’t put my finger on it, but suddenly realized it. She looked a bit more like me, but in a good way. “…Kira?”

My twin sister threw her arms around my neck. “I’ve been waiting so very long to see you again,” she said, her voice thick with emotion.

I hugged her back. “I’m sorry to keep you waiting.” After several moments, I spoke up again. “So, going to give me the tour of this place?”

She gave me a look. “I just got here.”

“Where were you before?”

“I think I was with you, but it’s like I was half asleep.”

Well, that isn’t weird at all. “You should have said something.”

“I would have, but I don’t think I knew I was me. I thought I was you. Or something.”

That didn’t make any sense. Not unless… “Fleur.”

Her eyes went wide. “Yes! I remember that! That’s what you kept calling me.” Huh. So my crazy split personality wasn’t actually me being crazy. It was my dead twin sister’s soul living in my brain.

You know, when I see that written out, it doesn’t sound any less crazy than it did in my head. In fact, it seems even more crazy.

I looked around again. The crowd was growing. “Let’s get up and try to blend in while we figure out what’s going on around here.”

“Sure,” she said. She hopped up quickly, her green sundress barely even fluttering from the fluid motion. I considered lecturing on the poor fashion choice of combining a sundress with combat boots, but decided now wasn’t the time or place.

Not that I was dressed much better. I looked like the fashion result of a fusion dance between a BronyCon Starswirl the Bearded cosplayer and something out of Shadowrun. What I’m saying is that my goggles and bandolier clashed horribly with my starry robes. I really wanted to fix that.

I didn’t even have to focus. Just my desire manifested a change to my outfit. I found myself in my normal clothes, minus to the hat and coat. The shirt also changed to read “Don’t Fear the Reaper” above a picture of Ryuk from Deathnote, for some reason.

“Neat trick,” Kira said.

“No idea how I did it.”

Our attempt to hide ourselves in the crowd proved an abysmal failure. You wouldn’t think it would be difficult to hide a couple dead people in the land of the dead, but you’d be wrong. I mean, we clearly weren’t Outsiders, but we were far too well defined to be the quasi-incorporeal normal dead, which Golarion theology terms as “petitioners”. That meant we were either living planar travelers, or something else.

Of course, the daemon attacks didn’t help either.

Outsiders of all alignments can be found in the Boneyard, arguing for ownership of particular souls, but as I understand it, they mostly keep to their own sections, venturing to the edges to attend the courts that handle cases of souls that can be said to straddle a line. But that isn’t to say that none leave their domains to conduct business under the watchful eyes of the aeons and psychopomps that tend the realm.

Even then, daemons are mostly forbidden from leaving their section due to their hunger for souls. They do so from time to time, astradaemons especially, usually to plunder the River of Souls for a snack. Even then, it was beyond weird to find a distressingly insane derghodaemon deep in the inner sector of the realm like this, almost as though it was waiting for us. It certainly looked that way when it made a beeline for us.

I didn’t scream like a girl when it roared and began charging us. The angel that interceded must have just noticed the daemon on its own.

“Back, vile fiend!” the angel shouted, raising its longsword. The daemon was unfazed. Truth was, the daemon was much more powerful than the angel and there was nothing close enough that might help. Not unless I felt like making a pact with a devil.

“He’s losing!” Kira hissed. “We have to help!”

“I don’t disagree, but how?”

“That thing you did with your clothes, can you make a weapon?”

Now that was an interesting idea. Somehow I knew I could. “Any preferences?”

“Whatever! Just hurry!”

This was a dangerous foe. Not just anything would do. It had to be both strong and easy to wield. And it absolutely needed a bit of reach. There was only one type of weapon that fit the bill. I closed my eyes and focused my mind, just like when I Fabricated something. It needed dwarven craftsmanship. It had to be adamantine. But there was no adamantine around. And, being dead, I had no blood to sacrifice. But there was air, and water.

The air crackled as I tore the molecules of water apart with my mind. It then burned as I fused the hydrogen, again and again and again, into adamantine. The sounds of hammers striking metal sounded as the tip took shape, followed by the sounds of grinding as an edge was honed. The ground split and a tree grew. I sundered the darkwood and carved it into a shaft, perfectly shaped to my sister’s hands.

The tip attached itself to the haft, which grew around it, securing it in place. But that wasn’t enough. It needed magic. I wrought my will upon it. Dozens, perhaps hundreds, of runes burned into the spear’s flesh. It would strike true, tearing the wind itself asunder as it passed. And what’s weirder is that I knew it had a name.

Kira grabbed the spear. “Gugnir?!” she exclaimed, either out of recognition of Odin’s spear or from reading my mind. Hey, maybe that’s a thing we can do. I don’t know. We didn’t have time to contemplate it further. The angel was in trouble.

I say “was”, because once Kira moved, it was over. She literally flash-stepped over to the daemon. She was a blur as she fought, dancing around the foe, striking multiple blows so quickly that I was certain only one had been made.

It seems that with a weapon in her hand, the daemon never stood a chance. Heck, I’m not even sure a nascent daemon-lord would have been able to go toe-to-toe with her. Not in a purely physical contest, anyway. That’s how fast she was.

“Stop!” someone shouted at us, once the fighting was done.

I knew that tone. I didn’t even have to look and see the stern faced psychopomp bearing down on us to realize the authorities were coming for us. I’ve been in that situation. Usually right after jumping out of a young woman’s window. So instinct took over. “Cheese it! It’s the fuzz!” I shouted. Because apparently I’m a character in West Side Story.

We took off running. We didn’t have a plan beyond fleeing. And, let’s be honest, I’m not the fastest person. But I had already discovered that I could quickly change my clothes. Frictionless was a change I could do. So I changed the soles of my boots and had Kira push me.

For the record, we went about fifty miles an hour. And in case you were wondering, yes, that’s faster than living humans should be able to run. But Kira wasn’t exactly a living human. So the rules don’t exactly apply.

Like I said before, we didn’t exactly have a plan. We were just running. We might have kept running, but someone yanked us inside a building as we passed as though we were in some kind of cartoon. And if we had been in bodies rather than some kind of corporeal-ish extraplanar entities, I’m pretty sure we’d have gotten whiplash.

A lean, semi-muscular man with brown hair and an amused smirk set us down just inside what appeared to be a tavern of sorts. It reminded me of the Hanged Man in Dragon Age 2, if I’m being honest. Also, for honesty’s sake, I must tell you that I did not in any way forget that my shoes were frictionless when he set me down. Which means I did not fall flat on my face. It also means that I didn’t scream in an undignified and hilarious manner. It also means that I didn’t have to wait until the laughter subsided to thank our rescuer.

“Don’t sweat it,” he told us. “Come, join us and have a drink. My treat. From what I hear, you kids have had a heck of a day.” We joined him and a grey-bearded dwarf at the only occupied table in the bar. I tried to introduce myself and the man shook his head. “We don’t stand much on formality here, even if T here is a bit of a stick in the mud sometimes.”

The dwarf drained his tankard. “Your bar, your rules,” he said sagely.

“That’s one of the most important rules,” the brown haired man said with a nod. “So, what kind of beer will you have?”

I gauged my surroundings carefully. I was pretty sure no one would make me a gin and tonic if I asked, and it didn’t look piratey, so rum was probably out. “I’m not a huge fan of beer,” I said. “You wouldn’t happen to have mead, would you? Or I could do a root beer, if beer it must be.”

He gave me a narrow-eyed, suspicious look. “You don’t like beer?”

I had been afraid of that. I was going to school in Colorado before I left, so I truly understood that some people take beer far too seriously. I would have to be careful how I played it. So I shrugged. “Life’s too short to acquire a taste for something when there are so many things to drink that I like already.”

The dwarf laughed. “Lad has a point.”

“Fair enough,” the man said with a chuckle. “How about you?” he asked my sister.

“Something dark and thick enough to stand a knife in,” she said. I must have given her a look, because she shrugged at me and said, “What? Just because you want something with a little umbrella in it doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a good beer.” That got another laugh.

I would have been offended, but I found myself seriously wondering if the little umbrella was actually an option and if I could get it with some pineapple slices. I decided not to ask. Best not to press my luck. “So, is it usual for newcomers to get attacked by a daemon?”

“Not that far from their section,” the dwarf said somberly as we awaited our drinks.

“It’s also not every day that someone creates a miniature sun and pulls a spear out of it. Neat trick. Some sort of extra-dimensional carrying space?” News apparently travels fast in the waiting room of the dead. Most waiting rooms I’d been in before only had old copies of Golf Digest for entertainment.

I shook my head. “Not exactly. I was just fusing atoms to make the metal I needed to fabricate the spear.”

“You crafted that?” the dwarf asked, surprised. “May I see it?” Kira and I exchanged a glance and she handed it over. He analyzed it with a crafter’s eye. I was suddenly very self-conscious. He let out a low whistle. “That’s pretty impressive. Never met a demi-god who could put out this kind of work. Though, in the future, I’d recommend just willing it into existence. No need to make a miniature star to get metal.” He gave me a knowing smile.

“I’m a what now? I think you’re mistaken. We’re normal humans aside from the fact that we’ve been sharing a body since we were born.”

The dwarf gave me a look of disbelief. “That can’t be right,” he said.

“No, it’s true,” Kira said after taking a drink of her disgusting looking beer. “It gets a little cramped in his body, but I didn’t want to leave him by himself when I died.” The way she said it was hilariously nonchalant.

“No, the body thing is a little weird, but not what I’m talking about. The normal human thing is what I’m talking about. There’s no way you two are normal.”

Kira gave an exaggerated pout. “That’s not a very nice thing to say.”

“I only mean it in the best possible way,” the man quickly corrected. “Your souls are far more developed than one would expect from someone your age.”

I started thinking about it. There were quite a few possibilities that I knew of. “Would spending a year in outer space with a woman fused with some kind of dark space entity affect the strength of one’s soul?”

“You did what now?”

I took a few minutes to explain the whole Samantha thing. The two exchanged glances before the dwarf answered. “That…probably wouldn’t explain everything, but it’s a place to start. She might have done something. Mind if I take a look?”

“Take a look at what, exactly?”

“Just looking for blessings from gods and godlings. Those persist after death and might explain it, if enough power has been expended on you.”

“I guess it couldn’t hurt to check.”

He created a small globe of light and gently tossed it at me. It hit me and exploded, almost like a water balloon, releasing a soft resonant glow all around me. Within the glowing light were a number of small snowflake-like structures. Kira joined both men as they looked them over.

“There are a bunch of different ones,” she said. She pointed at one in particular. “There are a few like this one, which look more elaborate than the rest.”

“Good eye,” the man said. “Those are the direct blessings of deities and other powerful beings, where they’ve taken personal notice. That one, for instance, appears to be the mark of a particularly powerful nymph.”

“Is that normal?” I asked. “I mean, do deities take personal notice of people very often?” After all, if I was special, I’d need to know so I could start a Tumblr when I got home.

“For normal people, it’s fairly rare. But if you’re an adventurer, it’s more uncommon to not get the notice of a few powerful beings.” Ah, okay. So nothing all that special. No more than any normal adventurer. “The nymph one’s fairly interesting though.” He gave me a wink that suggested that he had made up a rather lascivious reason for its existence.

Kira missed the look and continued on, unfazed. “How about this one?”

“This one’s a blessing from a member of a god’s clergy. There are dozens like it. It seems that your brother has made quite an impression on the priesthood of Shelyn.” Made sense. Ever since I’d come to Golarion, I’d found the patron goddess of love and the arts the easiest to work with, and I’d done my best to be generous. “There seems to be one acolyte of Shelyn in particular who prayed for you every day for almost five years.”

Oh. “I think I know the one.” I’m sure I looked guilty when I said it. Mostly I was feeling guilty wondering if she might have survived if I had gone with her when I had the chance.

“Seducing one of Shelyn’s acolytes? You dog.”

Kira laughed. “Sure, if you count looking like a sad, pathetic puppy as ‘seduction’.”

“Truly?”

I sighed. “Yeah. I had just been dumped and was a bit disheartened by teleporting to Golarion instead of back home. I was desperately lonely and she felt bad for me.”

Kira thankfully changed the subject, pointing at another mark. “How about this one? It’s dark and foreboding.”

“Ooh, that’s a rough one. It’s a malus. Looks like you’ve personally pissed off someone. Let me see if I can see who.” He gently tinkered with it. The malus zapped him. “Yep, definitely Lamashtu.”

Kira actually laughed. “Cleanse a few shrines, kill a few priests and suddenly someone has to go holding grudges.” The rest of us couldn’t help but laugh along with her.

“What about these?” I asked, pointing to an odd looking snowflake. “They look different from the rest.”

The man examined it. “I’ve never seen one of these before. It’s a blessing from a priest, but it’s not for any god I recognize. T?”

The dwarf examined it and his eyes went wide. “Where did you say you were from again, kids?”

“Earth,” Kira said, taking another drink of her beer.

“We also call our planet Terra. It’s in the Sol system.”

The dwarf took a long swig of his beer. “You’re in the wrong place. Send for some of Pharasma’s people,” he told the man. “We need to make arrangements to send them to their correct afterlife as quickly as possible.”

Well that was interesting. Apparently our afterlife was segregated from the rest for some reason. I got the feeling that asking why would get me nowhere. Not that I had a chance. Suddenly, the mark from Lamashtu started flashing. “Uh, guys? What’s going on there?”

“It’s acting as a beacon. We’re going to be under attack any moment.” The dwarf grabbed a war hammer and prepared for battle. His friend pulled his rapier and tossed Kira her spear.

“You need armor,” I told my sister.

“I won’t argue with that. Hook me up!” I touched her shoulder and focused my will. As far as I knew, there were no limits other than that it had to be able to actually exist. In seconds, she was wearing a hi-tech hardsuit of ceramic plates – more than twice as strong as adamantine and about ten thousand times as expensive – on a mesh of carbon nanotubes and adamantine fibers woven together like human muscle tissues. All in all, it was very sci-fi looking. Maybe one day, this would be standard issue for human soldiers, but it would take some serious technological breakthroughs to make it affordable enough. “Holy crap!” she exclaimed.

“Enjoy it while it lasts. Even if they revive us, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to afford to make one of these back in the land of the living. Tap the nodule on your temple for the helmet.”

Kira did as I’d said and a helmet of ceramic plates unfolded, covering her head. “Promise me that you’ll make me another one of these one day.”

“I’ll do my best,” I promised. I then willed another suit into existence, covering myself. I then armed myself with a surprisingly light rail gun. God, I love having access to high tech alloys and ceramics again.

Dozens of daemons of many types burst into the establishment from multiple directions. The man was as fast as Kira, while the dwarf relied on strength and an iron will over speed. Kira and the man killed fourteen each. The dwarf slew eight. I managed to kill one.

In my defense, it’s really hard to fire a railgun into melee when you’re worried about hitting allies who move faster than the eye can track. I needed a weapon I wasn’t worried would pierce Kira’s armor. That wasn’t hard. I slung the railgun over my shoulder whipped up a couple highly enchanted Pizzicatos. Something that low caliber would have trouble breaching my specifically designed bullet defenses but would be useful if we encountered any more daemons.

As long as none of them were cyberdaemons. In that case, I’d need a rocket launcher.

“Strange that Lamashtu is sending daemons after you. You sure you didn’t piss off the Horsemen as well?”

“I might have started a society on a path towards better sanitation, which will result in a lot fewer deaths from disease. So, yeah, probably.”

“Really? That’s a shame. I kinda like the muck. Gives cities character.” I’m pretty sure the man was joking.

We made jokes as we stood guard, waiting for the arrival of the local authorities. Thankfully, we didn’t have to wait long. A few minutes later, a half dozen psychopomps and a number of aeons arrived, along with a dowdy-looking celestial woman in a gray business suit, glasses and sensible flats.

“What am I going to do with you two?” she asked, her voice very put upon. “I take my eyes off of you for a moment and you go disappearing on me.”

I stared in disbelief. “You’re the nun!” I accused. The ghost nun from that time I went back in time, if you’re having trouble remembering.

“Not exactly,” she said with a small smile.

“Greetings, honored guardian,” Kira said in the celestial tongue, bowing deeply. When did Kira learn celestial?

“Greetings, Gemini,” the angel responded warmly. “It is good to have found you both at last. Come, we have an embassy not far from here. You should be safer there while we sort all of this out.”

We followed her outside and boarded some kind of hi-tech celestial shuttle craft. The schizo nature of the tech in the afterlife was really screwing with me, not gonna lie. The seats were even made of rich, Corinthian leather. I couldn’t be sure if they were stuffed with eagle down, but I suspect there were no eagles under the floorboards. Which meant it was the economy model.

The shuttle took us to a building that wouldn’t have looked out of place in a framing shot of Earth on Star Trek. A number of azatas – bralanis, I think – dressed like Secret Service agents met us on the landing pad and escorted us inside. They were doing their very best to look serious, but small twitches on their lips made me suspect that they were constantly one mistake away from corpsing en masse and ruining the performance.

They led us into a rather spacious office, complete with a waterfall fountain in one corner and a desk made of aluminum and glass with some kind of celestial computer on it. The monitor appeared to be a holographic projection, as did the keyboard. I didn’t see a mouse, but I suspected that would be handled by using the monitor like some kind of touch screen.

“Neat,” Kira said what we were both thinking.

The celestial woman, Essielle, invited us to sit in the plush chairs in front of the desk and took her seat on the other side. “So, now that we’re safe, would you care to explain where exactly you’ve been?” She sat and listened quietly as we explained everything, stopping us only to ask clarifying questions. She seemed most concerned about Samantha’s involvement. “And you don’t know what kind of entity is sharing her body?”

“No. I suspect it’s one of those things so alien that we mortals might classify it as evil, but I’m not so sure that’s the case. Or maybe it is and being stuck with her really has mellowed it out.”

“Understood. We’ll have some agents look into it. But now that I have your stories, it’s time for us to begin discussing the big choice.”

“The big choice?”

Kira put her hand on my arm. “She wants us to decide whether we wish to reincarnate again or if we’re ready to pass on to Heaven.”

“We get a choice?”

“Free will and choice are God’s whole deal,” Kira said. “You really don’t remember?”

Essielle cleared her throat. “It usually takes longer than this to begin remembering past lives and this whole process. We can wait until you’re ready to decide if you want. Right now is just the point where we discuss things.”

“Okay, yeah, waiting would be good,” I said. “I have a ton of questions. First of all, why is Kira remembering more quickly than I?”

“We’re not sure. The two of you almost always remember at the same time. I suspect it’s because she’s technically been dead for years, so the death process is less of a transition for her. As a side note, we’ve been trying to figure out where she was for years. It never occurred to us she might have hitched a ride in your body.”

“Okay, that brings up another question. You’re talking as though we’ve been through this together multiple times. Is that normal? Do siblings usually get reborn into the same family? Also, how many times have we been through this?”

“Actually, no. You two are a very unique case. The truth is that you two existing as separate entities is some strange accident. During your first cycle, we only sent one new soul to be born. It caused a lot of commotion when two children resulted.” She laughed. “I thought they were going to fire me for messing up my paperwork and sending two souls, but then you two died and returned to us. Back then, it was very easy to tell that your souls had split. Now, after so many cycles, we’d have trouble telling if it weren’t for the secondary effects.”

“Secondary effects?”

“You can’t live without each other. It took us three stillbirths to realize that we couldn’t separate you. If one of you dies, both die. That’s why we were so concerned when one of you went missing but the other still lived. We thought your souls had recombined. Our best guess is that after so many cycles, recombining would give you enough combined life experience to evolve into something new.”

I could actually feel my sister’s shock. “Evolve? You’ve never mentioned that before.”

Essielle nodded. “It’s just a theory. No one does what we do. It’s one big experiment. The Lord wanted to see what you all would become if allowed to accumulate enough life experience. But, as Kira said, he’s also big on free will. He wasn’t going to force you.”

“So, do a lot of people take advantage of it?”

“Fewer than you’d think. Most people only go one or two extra cycles before deciding that life is too hard and messy to bear. In addition to the two of you, there are only eleven others who have gone at least ten cycles. Before you ask, the person with the most cycles is a bit past one hundred and the two of you are on your eighty-ninth cycle. There are three total with more than you.”

Something she said made a connection in my mind. “So, if you count us as a single entity, then that means that there are twelve total? And you called us ‘Gemini’, so…”

She laughed. “Somehow, I knew you’d catch that. Yes. Those of us in Heaven’s Bureaucracy have nicknamed each of you long timers after the signs of the zodiac. Capricorn is the oldest. Virgo and Pisces are the two behind him.”

“I doubt you remember yet, but we’ve actually met Capricorn and Aquarius before in the afterlife,” Kira added. “We ended up all dying at the same time during a battle back in the old Roman empire. Capricorn was the centurion I served under and Aquarius was our legion’s prefect.”

“I wasn’t aware women served as legionnaires,” I said without thinking.

“I never noticed any. I was a man during that cycle.”

“So it’s interchangeable?” I asked Essielle.

She made a “sorta” hand gesture. “For most people, they can choose before reincarnating. However, likely because of the whole ‘two halves of a single soul’ thing you two have going on, you have this weird yin-yang thing going on where you’re always opposite. There was even this one time that we put you two into the bodies of identical twins as an experiment, resulting in the first known birth of a boy and a girl who were nonetheless identical twins.”

“Monozygotic,” I corrected.

“What?”

“Not identical, just born of the same egg. And I seem to recall reading that it has been documented where a pair of boy/girl twins was monozygotic due to an XXY zygote forming before the split.” They both gave me a look that told me that they were shocked that I knew that. I just ignored it. Look, I get bored on Wikipedia sometimes too, okay? “So, that brings me to another question.”

“I’m afraid to ask,” Essielle said.

I ignored that. “Does this all mean that when I got hit by the cursed belt, I somehow managed to make myself look like Kira’s past life?”

Kira literally laughed so hard she fell on the floor. Even Essielle is caught up in her mirth. I failed to see what was so funny. “Sorry,” the celestial said. “It’s just that you’re working from a false premise. You have indeed correctly realized that Fleur and her brother were past lives the two of you lived. You just mixed up who was who.”

Kira snorted. “That’s right! YOU were the French stripper!” She lost herself in laughter again.

“Not quite the right word, but effectively true,” Essielle admitted.

Well, at least I was hot. Rather than linger on the matter and question what exactly I had done for information to help the resistance, I changed the subject. “Okay, next question. How are things back home? How is our family?”

“I can’t elaborate much on the state of things back home, but as a kindness, I can tell you a bit about your family. Everyone misses you, of course. Maggie is still in college. Molly is an architect with a large firm. Kenneth is in law enforcement. Katie became a surgeon and has a job at a hospital in Tucson. And Major O’Halloran joined the marines shortly after you left. Your parents are still in their old jobs, though your mother has retired from the city council to focus on her career.”

It was good to hear that life went on back home. I was curious as to what she couldn’t tell me, but I understood there were rules. I also understood that if she left to go to the bathroom, I was hacking her computer to find out what was going on, since I got a feeling from her tone that it was something big.

“So, anything else interesting about our past lives?” I asked.

“Nothing you won’t remember soon enough. I am curious as to how your second time as a man has gone.”

What. “Second time?”

“Your very first incarnation, back when your people spoke in mostly grunts, was pretty disastrous. A rival tribe attacked, tried to kidnap your sister. She was doing well enough defending herself, but then you got hit with a rock and died, taking her with you. You were so traumatized that you refused to be a man again until it was culturally acceptable for your sister to protect you instead of the other way around.”

“Sorry I haven’t been much help on that front,” Kira said.

“It’s not your fault,” I said immediately, patting her shoulder reassuringly. She seemed happy at that response. “That said, that’s a pretty horrible ratio. Have we had many lives like that?”

“I can count on one hand the number of lives you two have had that didn’t end with one of you dying in a violent and often horrible fashion. It honestly beggars belief that the two of you keep choosing to reincarnate after what you’ve been through.”

“That bad, huh?”

“You were burnt at the stake once.”

“Like witches? Yeah, that’s pretty bad.”

Kira laughed. “To be fair, you actually were a witch on that one.”

It was getting a little frustrating that my sister was able to recall everything like that while I wasn’t able to get more than vague flashes from my last couple lives. “While we’re waiting,” Essielle said. “Mind if I do a scan? I need to see what you were up to while you were away from us so we can log it in the research notes.”

I suddenly started feeling like a lab rat. “Um, sure.” She pulled out a tricorder. “Lol, what.”

“God’s a Trekkie.”

“I knew it.” No I didn’t. But what the hell can you say to that? I guess it explained the building.

She scanned me. “Okay, so let’s see. Wow, that’s a lot of women.” I actually felt kinda embarrassed. “You know, he keeps this up, he might actually break your record.”

Kira scoffed. “Never happen. He’s in llluurrrvveeee.” Constantly getting ripped on by Kira would take some getting used to.

“It’s academic anyway, since you both died before he had a chance.”

“Don’t count us out yet,” I corrected. “One of our friends can raise the dead.”

That surprised her. “Necromancy?”

“Well, he probably has that somewhere too, but no. Standard revival.”

“Impressive. It also says here that you’re a wizard. That’s definitely going to be interesting if you make it home. In fact, you’ve joined a team of adventurers? It’s been forever since that was a thing on Earth. I suspect that’s all anyone back in Heaven will be able to talk about for a while.” Why did I get the feeling I had just signed myself up for being followed a twenty-four seven angelic camera crew? Or dedicated scrying. Whatever it is they do.

An aide came in, seeking Essielle’s attention. “I apologize, but there’s a matter needing your immediate attention.”

“Of course. You two, there’s a game console over there,” she indicated a section of the large office with a sofa and television. “Feel free to play some Smash Bros or whatever while you wait. I hope I won’t be gone too long.” As she was walking out the door, she stopped. “The computer is set to explode in the event of tampering. Please don’t force me to get a new one.” Dammit.

Nothing better to do, we actually did as we were told. Not normally my first inclination, but we had been told to play video games and it has been almost eleven years. It was quite fun, though it was obvious just from that one game that I had been gone for a while.

For instance, when the heck did they put Bayonetta in Smash? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I love Bayonetta. I just never saw that one coming. What’s next? Ubisoft taking a full year and some change between releases of Assassin’s Creed titles?

Pfft. That’ll never happen.

We played a few matches before we began noticing the sound of gunfire outside. We looked out a window and saw that the grounds were being overrun by daemons. “Well, shit,” Kira said.

Essielle rushed back into the office. “We have to get you to the shuttle and get out of here! We’re under attack!”

“I’m pretty sure they’re after us, or at least me,” I confessed. “No idea why, though.”

“Then it’s even more important that we get you out. Follow me!” She pulled out a freaking Desert Eagle and began leading us through the halls. I didn’t unnecessarily roll across doorways, because that would be fun but completely undignified. And I’m nothing if not dignified.

<Margin Note: Funny, but I’m fairly certain I saw you rolling like a dork.>
<Margin Note: Nope. Never happened.>

We fought our way through the halls, celestials of all types covering our escape. On the roof, it looked like a scene out of Starship Troopers. Frenzied daemons were scaling the walls on the piles of their brethren’s corpses.

We rushed to the shuttle and were in the air in seconds. As suspected, the daemon onslaught ended and followed us as we flew off. Fire teams continued doing what they could to thin out the swarm, but they were running into ammunition problems, forcing them to fall back on spell casting and melee weapons.

“What the hell is going on?!” Essielle demanded.

“I have only a few suspicions,” I said. “Nothing concrete. But it is somehow tied to a malus from Lamashtu.”

“That’s it, we’re having a word with her representatives here. Pilot, plot heading for the demonic sector.”

“Roger that,” a voice from up front shouted back.

“Now, let’s have a look at this malus and see if I can –“ she didn’t finish her sentence because we were struck by something outside. The shuttle spun out and crashed hard into the ground. When I managed to free myself from my restraints, I found Kira alive – in the most broad definition of the term imaginable – with minor injuries and Essielle alive but unconscious. The pilot didn’t survive impact.

Outside, Kira and I found nearly a hundred daemons closing in on us. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Just a perfect day,” I sang as I fired my railgun into the mass of enemies.

“Drink sangria in the park,” Kira sang back, stabbing the first enemies in range. ““And later on…”

“...when it gets dark…”

“We’ll go home.”

<Both> “Oh, it's such a perfect day!”
<Kyle> “I'm glad I spent it with you.”
<Kira> “Oh, such a perfect day.”
<Both> “You just keep me hanging on.
You just keep me hanging on!”

So it was, that the two of us – Kira and Kyle, Kyle and Kira, Gemini – sang as we slaughtered daemons by the dozens. When it was done, we twins stood victorious on a mound of corpses, as it perhaps was always meant to be.

But it seems that there was no end to the daemons that pursued us. In the distance, less than a minute away, was a swarm thousands – maybe tens of thousands – strong. F!$* this day.

“Kyle, leave me the weapons and run,” Kira said. “I’ll buy you as much time as I can.”

“No,” I said, resolve filling me. Also, a lot of anger. “I will not leave you. We’ve been running all day. I’m tired of running. This ends here, one way or another.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Oh, but I am,” I said, the fear having been washed away and replaced with a combination of resolve and a darker emotion. I tossed her my railgun and both Pizzicatos. “Don’t take any risks, but buy me as much time as you can.” I focused, gathering my will, and began humming Morgenstimmung.

Note: Part 1 of 3. Next part will be from Aurora's perspective and will be up in about 15 minutes. The third part will likely take a few days.


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Aurora's Observation Journal: “Steel Your Heart”

Spoiler:
A fear like none I’ve ever known tore through me as I hit the ground and something exploded behind me. I got to my feet quickly and rushed to Kyle’s side. It looked bad. He had a shard of metal sticking through his abdomen. I was pretty sure it had severed his spine.

“Thank god,” he whispered to me as I fumbled with my belt pouch, desperately trying to find a healing potion. “You’re okay.” He was slipping away. I had to do something.

“No. No. No. No,” I kept repeating as I dropped the potion. It shattered on the stone floor. This wasn’t real. It wasn’t happening. This COULD NOT BE HAPPENING. I grabbed desperately for another potion, using every bit of my training to focus and open the potion without dropping it. I poured it into his mouth and looked expectantly at his wounds.

They weren’t closing. Why weren’t the wounds closing? This was the most powerful potion I had! It should be strong enough! I fought unsuccessfully to hold back my tears of frustration. This wasn’t reality. I would wake up any moment and then I would sit down and talk to Kyle. We would clear up this misunderstanding between us. He wouldn’t die thinking that I hated him. Why had we been fighting anyway? At that moment, I couldn’t even remember.

“PLEASE!” I screamed through a sob. “SOMEONE HELP!” I cradled his head to my chest. The tears I had been fighting to hold back came full force.

I don’t know how long I sat there, alternating between screaming for help and sobbing, when I finally heard the sound of several people running. I looked up and saw the blurry forms of Paulie and Geo. The two had been on patrol together nearby.

Geo gently pulled me away so Paulie could work. He removed the massive shard of metal from Kyle’s midsection and pulled out some diamond dust from his bag. He cast the spell to raise Kyle from the dead. The diamond dust swirled around and was consumed, but nothing happened. My heart felt like it was being torn in two.

“Does he not wish to be revived?” Geo asked.

“I don’t get that sense, brah. It’s like something is holding him back, somehow. Almost as if his soul has been weighted down. I think I just need more power. Let me try again, with more dust.” He poured all the dust he had remaining, enough for nearly two castings, on Kyle’s body. He then cast the spell again. I thought I saw the body stir, but then nothing.

I wailed. Geo hugged me. “We’ll take him to Magnimar. One of the clerics will have a spell strong enough to revive him. Whatever the cost, we’ll get him back,” he promised.

“I wouldn’t count on it,” a woman’s voice said before breaking into laughter.

My heart nearly stopped. “Lyrie,” Paulie said, in that strange deep voice he sometimes has. “What have you done?”

“Not what I intended. I had planned to come here and fill in that wizard,” she almost spat at the description of Kyle, “about what was happening to the girl. That’s why I keyed the trap for her. A pity. I was looking forward to watching his expression as he heard about how part of her soul fed the revival of my lord and then was met in the Boneyard by a pack of hungry daemons. And then, only when all hope was lost, I would have killed him. Oh well. At least I know his soul is being torn apart and devoured as we speak. And don’t worry, you’ll join him soon. My army of ghouls will see to that.” I heard the sudden sound of slavering undead.

In the place in my heart where fear and despair had lived but moments ago now burned a terrible fury. She had done this. She had hurt Kyle. For a moment, I considered letting the rage fill my entire being. I considered letting go and fighting as Lenn does, with complete abandon. I’m certain that if I had, I would definitely have slain her then and there, though at the cost of my own life. But years of training had taught me a better way.

I subdued the frenzy, took the heat from its flames and prevented it from raging like a wildfire. Then I focused it instead in a single place, imagining it becoming ice and hardening in my veins. My angelic blood reacted with the fury flowing through it and the bloodrage became not an inferno but a directed river I could harness. Without even willing it, my blood called forth my halo and wings. My skin became silver, leaving only my wings and eyes as outward signs of flesh.

I rose from my knees and drew my blade. With only the barest hints of anger at the edges of my voice, I calmly declared my intent. “Lyrie Akenja, in the name of the righteous, I hereby judge you. Your life is forfeit. Surrender now and I will make your death quick.”

“KILL THEM!” she shouted in alarm. Ghouls flooded the room. Six came within my reach and six fell before me. More appeared behind them. Lyrie cast a spell to block access to the room with a wall of stone. And for some reason, I began hearing whispers around the room, though I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. I suspected that they were a trick.

Another wave of ghouls rushed me and I cut them down. Geo was standing between Paulie and Kyle’s body and more of the dead. I began to be able to make out the whispers, as they were getting louder. It sounded like a woman’s voice. “- of the mind, key to life –“

I cut down a giant zombie and moved to attack Lyrie, but was cut short by a wall of magical force. “You really didn’t think I was stupid enough to let you get close to me, did you?” she asked with a smirk.

“- Soul of the lost, withdrawn – “

“If it’s the last thing I do, my blade will separate your head from your body like it should have done the day we met you,” I said softly.

“- Soul of the mind, key to life’s – “

“Strong words from a dead woman.”

“ – Soul of the lost, withdrawn from its – “

“This isn’t over.” Zombie wyverns flew down from above. I took to the air and engaged them. Paulie supported me with arrows where he could, more focused on the next wave of ghouls on the ground. I winged past two of them and focused on the largest, slamming into it and dragging my blade through its torso.

“- Let strength be granted – “ I was really starting to become curious as to the nature of the whispers, which were almost at a conversational level now. The only reason I couldn’t hear them all was the sound of the battle around me.

I dodged as another wyvern slashed at me, then countered with a swift cut to one of its wings. A roar erupted above me and I looked up just in time to catch sight of a zombie dragon as it breathed acid at me. I tried to dodge, but was unsuccessful. I slammed into the ground pretty hard, knocking the wind out of me and causing me to lose the focus of my blood rage. Every inch of my body ached from having held the rage so long. How exactly does Lenn do it? Is it just practice?

From where I lay, I got a good look at the dragon and was astounded by what I saw. The wounds still evident on the flying corpse were consistent with those taken by a black dragon I had heard about while we were in Sandpoint! That was Black Fang, the dragon that had been slain by the famous heretics, a trio whose very names were never to be spoken as decreed by the faiths of no fewer than four gods!

I stood weakly and Paulie healed my wounds, but I was still exhausted and we were still surrounded by ghouls. “All your big words,” Lyrie gloated. “And now you –“

She was interrupted as the repeating whispers became too loud to speak over. “Soul of the mind, key to life’s aether. Soul of the lost, withdrawn from its vessel. Let strength be granted that the world might –“

“WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!” Lyrie screeched. “Kill them and find its source!”

“Soul of the mind, key to life’s aether. Soul of the lost, withdrawn from its vessel. Let strength be granted that the world might be mended. That the world…“

“MIGHT. BE. MENDED!” Kyle shouted. My heart skipped several beats. I turned to look, but suddenly the whole room disappeared in a blast of white light. Zombies cried out in pain. Lyrie cursed. Paulie and Geo began working to take advantage of the situation. Lenn continued trying to tear down the wall from the other side. “VI, activate encounter suit. Fast equip mode,” I heard Kyle whisper.

“That’s impossible!” Lyrie roared. “You’re dead!”

Kyle ignored her. “When you have a bad day and your life is laggin’,” he sang. “It gets much better when you cap a dragon!” I heard the sound of gunfire, much louder and not quite as rapid as that put out by his usual gun. The dragon roared and, as I regained my sight, I watched it crash into the ground.

Kyle stood nearby in strange black armor with a purple glass faceplate. Hints of light were visible through the glass. In his hands was a much larger gun than I had seen before, but there was something off about how he held it, almost as if it had been made for smaller hands than his. “Oh,” I said softly, as I realized that he had made it for me.

He took aim at the nearest ghoul, held in place by a mass of crushing black tentacles. No, I’m not sure where the tentacles had come from. The only spell he’d cast had been his light pulse. It had been stronger than normal, but nonetheless, still that one spell only.

One squeeze of the trigger and the ghoul’s heady exploded in a shower of sparks and gore. He had even enchanted the gun for me. I was touched by the thoughtfulness. Even as we’d been arguing, he had spent time working on it.

Kyle and Paulie shot down the remaining wyverns and I helped Geo finish off the ghouls that hadn’t been grabbed by the tentacles. Those that had been grabbed met a much more gruesome end.

“This isn’t over!” Lyrie screeched before activating some kind of contingent teleportation to escape. She was right about that. I was going to kill her.

Just maybe not today. “VI, remove armor and go into defensive mode. Remove the stone wall blocking the entrance.” I turned to see Kyle standing behind me, his armor removing itself and taking the form of a machine man. “Aurora,” he said. “I’m so very sor-“ he didn’t finish the thought as I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him with all of my might.

I could feel tears streaming down my face as we eventually pulled away. “Thank you for being okay,” I whispered softly.

He reached out and wiped a tear from my cheek. “So all I had to do to get you to kiss me was get myself killed.” He let out a soft chuckle. “I shudder to think what I’m going to have to do to get you to marry me one day.”

I hit him on the shoulder for joking about that. “You don’t have to do anything,” I muttered. “Just say yes.”

He was silent for several moments. I looked up at him and his mouth was open in shock. “Aurora? Did you… Did you just propose to me?”

A flush spread up my face as I suddenly realized that, in my moment of relief, I had actually done so. Where the heck did that come from? No, I knew where it came from. No more hiding from my feelings. I laughed. “I believe I did.” I removed my helmet, dropped to one knee and took his hand, to do this as properly befit a knight. “Kyle O’Halloran. I love you and want to spend the rest of our lives together, and perhaps beyond. So, will you marry me?”

He gave me an appraising look. “I don’t know. I mean, you didn’t even get me a ring…”

He was teasing me! “I’ll buy you a ring, you ass!” The nerve of that jerk!

“Well, in that case, how could I possibly say no?” With one yank, he pulled me to my feet, slid his arm around me and gave me a passionate kiss. The warmth of my embarrassment in my face spread all over, becoming a different kind of warmth.

I think that kiss may have lasted until we passed out from lack of air, but we were interrupted by a voice somewhere behind me. “ABOUT TIME!” Lenn said approvingly. Suddenly realizing that we weren’t alone, I pulled back and turned around to see Lenn and dozens of soldiers standing in the entrance to the chamber. Chadwick was grinning like an idiot and began the round of applause.

In moments, the cavern was filled with the raucous cheers of almost everyone. I’ve never been so embarrassed. I thought I would explode. Kyle pulled my attention back to him. He gave me a look that told me that he planned to kiss me again. “Wait! How can we with so many people here?”

“What people?” he asked. “I don’t see anyone else here but you.” He kissed me again. How could I argue with that? I closed my eyes and returned the kiss, allowing the rest of the world to just melt away around me. All that existed was me, the man I loved and the happiness so powerful that nothing else mattered in that moment.


Now that is what I call a comeback!

Dark Archive

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Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

I can think of no better way to show how Golarion's gender politics differs from our own than Aurora proposing to Kyle, and nobody thinks its weird.


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I dare say, I would not say no if I were Kyle, besides to quote Firefly...

"Have you ever been with a warrior woman?"


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Misroi wrote:
I can think of no better way to show how Golarion's gender politics differs from our own than Aurora proposing to Kyle, and nobody thinks its weird.

Well, that's part of it. The other part is that most people there(or at least, anyone in charge) have been shipping the two of them for quite some time. Also, everything Kyle does is weird, so at this point, I doubt anyone would really notice one more thing out of the ordinary even if it was out of the ordinary. :P

It probably isn't. I can't imagine it would be considering what I know about Golarion. Just saying that if it were, it's just one more on the whole pile of weirdness. Hell, they could have done it on Earth with people who know him and I'm certain at least one person in the crowd's first thought would have involved the poor lighting or some other mundane triviality.

Also,

Spoiler:
Kira has some stuff to add about the whole thing in her section.


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Kira's Commentary Ledger "The Dawn Will Come"

Spoiler:
Let me first state, before I write anything, that this journal has been protected from reading by someone with the power of a god, so if you’re reading it, then either you’re meant to do so or will be punished later, I’m sure. Kyle, if you’ve found a way to read it, stop. You especially are not meant to read this. Stop or you might literally make the baby Jesus cry. I have that on good authority.

That out of the way, let me state that the reason I’ve started writing this is because there are details Kyle doesn’t know about. He believes that he tried his crazy plan, overtaxed himself and passed out. He believes that Samantha saved us. He’s wrong. He believes that because that is what he is meant to believe. They won’t be able to keep it from him if he dies again and spends enough time out of body to begin recalling past lives, but this was the accepted solution. Here’s what actually happened.

As you know if you’ve read his journal, we were backed into a corner. We had two options. Things played out as it has in forty seven of our past lives. I told my twin to run, intending to buy time and escape, or buy time with my death. Either way, I was good with it. Granted, I know now that if I died, she would have died too, but it wasn’t something I knew during any of those past lives. I knew now that I had to escape too, but I was confident that I could once Kyle was clear.

In those forty seven lives, I made that suggestion and my sister rejected it outright. Then she’d get that same look Kyle had now, that grim determination tinged with madness. It doesn’t take much to make my sibling jump right off the slippery slope. Give her an excuse, and she has always jumped right past what Kyle now calls “the Godzilla threshold” with almost childlike glee, unleashing insane, forbidden magic of some type or another. In forty six of those lives, we died HORRIBLY from what she attempted. Not because of what it was meant to solve, but because of what she herself did.

And during this point, he had access to insane levels of power, so I knew I wasn’t going to like what he had come up with. And I know how he thinks, so I knew the song he was humming was also not a good sign. It was a song associated with mornings and sunrises.

“Well, shit,” I said as I realized what he was doing. Without looking, I quickly dispatched a trio of daemons. I would have tried to stop him, but it was too late. He had created a truly massive amount of hydrogen in space above us and had already begun the process of swirling it together, moving his hands about in front of him as if manipulating a floating basketball. In fact, as he worked, an illusory representation of the matter he was manipulating formed in that space.

I managed to kill several dozen more daemons before the 100 mile wide star above us ignited into something akin to a red dwarf, though from accessing the stellar knowledge in Kyle’s brain, it seems it would still be 346 times too small to be a class M9V star, whatever the hell that means. All I know is it was so close that it dominated the sky and made everything around us extremely hot, though not unbearable, if only just.

Kyle let out an insane laugh. “THE SUN IS A MASS OF INCADESCENT GAS, A GIGANTIC NUCLEAR FURNACE!” Well that’s it. That’s game. We were going to die horribly.

He raked a finger across the illusory star in front of him and the larger star reacted. I could feel it rumbling as it underwent a star quake and unleashed a solar flare, which reached out through space and slammed into the roiling mass of daemons. Even frenzied, that gave the survivors pause.

“The sun gives HEAT, the sun gives LIGHT, the sunlight that we see! The sunlight comes from our own sun's atomic energy!” Kyle compressed the illusion, unleashing a coronal mass ejection – again, I’m not entirely sure what that means, but that seems right. All I know is it looked like a giant stellar shotgun blast into the daemons. And it was incredibly cool. At least if we were going to die, it was going to be the most metal death in history.

The effort of not just using a star as a weapon but from even holding that impossibility together in the first place was exhausting Kyle. Of the tens of thousands of daemons we’d faced, only a few dozen remained. It was time to get rid of the star. “Throw it away before you lose control of it!” I suggested.

And, to my incredible surprise, he actually listened. He Kamehamehaed the illusion away and the star shot off in a streak of light, becoming a tiny speck in the sky before exploding brilliantly. He fell right on his ass. “You get the rest. I’m just gonna sit here for a moment.”

The rest of the daemons broke and ran in terror at what had just happened. I turned my attention to berating my sibling. “Are you insane?! You could have gotten us both killed, along with everyone for hundreds of miles!”

“It could have been worse,” he said.

“It scares me that I know you actually mean that. You actually thought it through?”

“Well, I had considered creating a gun powered by a Schwartzchild Kugelblitz black hole that fires concentrated Hawking radiation at a power level of roughly 129 petawatts.” Was he kidding me? A black hole?! What the hell was wrong with him?!

“And it never occurred to you to make a hundred auto-turrets or something else also less insane?”

He gave me a look of amazement. “Auto-turrets! Of course! That would have been so much easier!” My brother, the idiot.

We soon found ourselves surrounded by dozens of psychopomps and armed aeons. Yes, I believed we were under arrest. No, I didn’t have the energy left to run. “What’s the meaning of this?!” a woman demanded. She was ashen-skinned with white hair and white eyes – it was really freaky! – and she was wearing a hooded robe and carrying an hourglass filled with red sand. And more than anything else, I should note that she was beyond angry at us.

“You’ll need to be more specific,” Kyle mouthed off. I cringed. The hell was wrong with him? “We’ve done so much today.”

A familiar radiant peal of laughter cut the tension before the woman reacted. I heard the sound of someone biting into an apple and turned to see Samantha reclining on a black cloud behind us, enjoying what looked like a pink lady, or maybe a gala. “Sleep,” she commanded Kyle. Even I could feel the strength of the words. If it had been directed at me, I don’t think I could have resisted the command.

“Good night,” he said. His eyes rolled back into his head and he passed out where he sat. It was rather funny.

“Who are you?” the white haired woman demanded angrily.

“Oh come now,” Samantha said. “Surely you recognize me, seeress! It has been so long since last we met, back when the stars were new. But it was such a memorable meeting I was sure you’d remember me.” She took another bite. “Your thoughtlessness wounds me, right here,” she said, her mouth full. She pointed at her chest.

The other woman, who I suspected was Pharasma, goddess of death and prophecy, took a long look at the golden haired Samantha. Her eyes went wide. I mean, really wide. I wasn’t aware gods could be scared. “That’s impossible!” she hissed. “We killed you!”

“That is not dead which can eternal lie,” Kyle muttered in his sleep. He then began singing the opening theme from “Haiyore! Nyaruko-san!”. Badly.

“What is he doing?” Samantha asked me, ignoring the angry and/or terrified goddess standing off to one side.

“I think he’s subconsciously comparing you to a moe anthropomorphization of the Nyarlothotep.”

“Moe?”

“'Cute' might be the best translation. She was a character in an anime.”

She laughed. “The things you people come up with! That’s interestingly astute yet so horribly wrong. I’m totally telling him about that next time I run into him, though.” Nyarlothotep was real? F&!$. F%*$ f*#~ f%*$-ity f#%~.

Our hilarious little moment past us, we turned back to the seething and/or terrified goddess. It really made me wonder what Samantha was that she scared a goddess. Drawing on Kyle’s knowledge of Lovecraft, I’d suspect that she’s an Outer God. I doubt it would take a coalition of gods to take on a Great Old One, no matter how insanely dangerous they were to us mere mortals. And if that was the case, she was terrifying. And hot.

What? You don’t see me shaming your kinks. That said, don’t spread it around. Wouldn’t want my brother finding out I have the hots for his ex.

“Anyway, what he said. You can’t kill me. That’s why you cut me into a thousand pieces and scattered them through the cosmos. A lost paladin on a shantak found the largest piece and now neither of us exists anymore, existing as a rather interesting amalgamation of the two. Truth be told, I don’t even think I could recombine with the other pieces anymore.”

The goddesses Sarenrae and Desna suddenly showed up, along with several beings I think might have been empyreal lords. Apparently word of Kyle’s little show had gotten around. “What is going on here?!” the sun goddess demanded.

“This creature has assaulted my domain,” Pharasma accused, indicating Samantha.

“Don’t be silly,” Samantha replied. “I only just arrived. What was done was done by the hands of these two. I only came here to protect them from reprisal for their actions, which were only done in self-defense. In fact, I suggest, based on what I know of them, that their decision to stand and fight was only because teleporting away would have left a horde of frenzied daemons here to attack the residents of this area.”

“Creating a star might have been a little much,” I admitted sheepishly.

“But it was really cool!” Kyle protested, still asleep as far as I could tell.

“How the hell is he doing that?!” Samantha demanded with another laugh. I could only shrug. “Look, if you want me to leave, I will. But I do not trust the children of,” she said a word that made my head hurt, like something in me was preventing me from hearing it, “to your care. If I go, I take them and their angel with me.”

“What is your game?!” Pharasma demanded.

“No game,” Samantha said. “Just self-preservation. Or has the tide of chaos the creatures of Earth have caused robbed you of your vision? Yes, that’s it, isn’t it? You can’t see. Not since the Earthlings drove out the Fair Folk, leading to the ill-fated Wild Hunt that led to the death of the Great Hero’s ancestor that ultimately led to my return.” She was talking about revelations that came during the lead up to the battle of Valor’s Triumph! Earth had something to do with that? And it had affected a goddess’ ability to see the future?

“What are you talking about?”

“Let me show you.” Samantha was instantly in Pharasma’s face, hand on the goddess’ forehead. “SEE!” she commanded.

Pharasma moaned in agony as her mind was flooded with visions. Her voice boomed as she spoke. “AND THE ROUGH BEAST SHALL BREAK FREE OF HIS PRISON! THE GODS THEMSELVES WILL BE SLAIN AND THE UNIVERSE DEVOURED! ONLY THE CHILDREN OF,” there was that word again, “SHALL BE ABLE TO SLOW HIS MARCH, THOUGH THEY TOO SHALL FALL. WHEN HE COMES TO THREATEN THEIR BIRTHPLACE, THEY SHALL UNLEASH THE FIRES OF CREATION, DESTROYING THE MATERIAL PLANE AS IT WAS MEANT TO BE. GROETUS WILL TURN OUT THE LIGHTS ON CREATION, BUT AS HE TURNS TO LEAVE, A NEW LIGHT WILL SPARK AND THE FIRES OF CREATION SHALL KINDLE A NEW EXISTENCE.”

Samantha let her go and she slumped to her knees. “Unlike you, I’m tied to the material plane. You might be fine with it ending completely, but I rather prefer the idea that its destruction be temporary.”

Sarenrae had stepped in between them, concerned, but Pharasma put her hand on the other’s shoulder. “Its okay. It was just a vision.” She gave Samantha a look. “Who are the ‘Transcended’?”

Samantha shrugged. “The gods of the new universe. I showed you everything I’ve seen.”

“Then go. We will not bar your way. But do not return to this place.” I have no idea what had just happened, but if I’m interpreting what she just said correctly, then the god of destruction was going to stage a prison break and eventually attack Earth, where Earthlings were going to kill him using the power of THE BIG BANG.

Neat. That sounded like a fight I could really enjoy.

Samantha shrugged. “No promises on the not coming back if it amuses me.” She blew a kiss to Desna for some reason – no, I’m not jealous – and teleported us away. Now that I think about it, Desna never made any kind of move against her. The others had been hostile, but the butterfly woman had seemed merely curious.

We found ourselves in some kind of demiplane of non-Euclidean properties that would drive normal people mad. It didn’t seem to faze me. Essielle was still unconscious and Kyle was “Do do dooing” the tune “Popcorn” in his sleep for some reason.

Which meant that Samantha and I were more or less by ourselves. “Alone at last,” I said, sidling up next to her. My tone of voice spoke volumes.

She gave me a surprised look, then burst out laughing. “Have I mentioned how much I love you people? Statistically speaking, you should be insane right now. And it’s not just you! Nyarlothotep likes to visit your world and reveal the truth of the universe from time to time. So very few of you go mad! Everywhere else, the rate is 1% retaining sanity, or 2% for humans, with your flexible minds. But for some reason, you Earthlings retain your sanity almost a quarter of the time!”

“Should I take that as a rejection?”

“Take what as a what now?” Had she really been so amazed that I hadn’t gone crazy that she hadn’t noticed that I was hitting on her? Eh, screw it. I’m not a pansy like Kyle. Boldness! I planted one heck of a kiss on her. She kissed back for a moment then stopped me. “You know I can’t be with anyone because I can’t risk that even happy in my melding I wouldn’t take the chance to escape if I…wait, that’s not an issue! You’re also a girl!” Nice of her to notice, not that I really feel like one, since the vast majority of my lives have been otherwise.

She kissed me again, this time with abandon. After several very enjoyable minutes, we parted. I’m sure I was grinning like an idiot. “We can leave them asleep a bit longer, right?”

“Unfortunately, no. I’ve brought you both back in time as far as I dare and it’s time they wake up. There are things you have to see.” Back in time? What? “But before I do, there are a couple things I need to ask of you. First, don’t tell Kyle about what he did with the star. Believe it or not, I actually had the permission of your god to rescue you and he wanted me to make sure Kyle didn’t remember the extent of what he’s capable of. He thinks it will mess with Kyle’s decisions when revived.”

“That’s fine. What do I tell him?”

“He’ll remember trying and passing out. Tell him that I showed up after he fainted and took care of everything.” I could do that. “And leave out the involvement of all those gods and especially the prophecy. He doesn’t need to know.” I could do that too. I nodded. “And finally, tell him to work on getting you your own body.” Her tone made all sorts of promises I intended to hold her to one day.

She woke up Kyle first. He took a look around us and immediately began trying to figure out the math of our environment. “You know, I think, given a few weeks here, I could come up with a new system of math to express what’s going on here.” Samantha and I shared a laugh.

Essielle’s reaction was a bit more terrified. She was a celestial, so it didn’t affect her like it would a human, but I think the ramifications that she was in the realm of an Outer God really terrified her. I think only the fact that Kyle and I were calm kept her from freaking out long enough for Samantha to prove to her that she had been asked by God to come get us out of danger.

Which was weird. Then again, what hadn’t been weird since we’d died? Or in any of our lives, for that matter? We attract weird. Why would God sub-contract to an Outer God? Look, I don’t have any answers, just questions.

Samantha conjured up a screen. It was made of meat. Like, real zerg shit here. “This is what you need to see.” She tapped the screen and we were watching as Kyle pushed Aurora out of the way. The screen was set to view things using the same kind of magic vision Kyle uses, so we got to see the crazy spellforms used.

I don’t know crap about magic. Kyle does, however. And he explained what we were seeing. Let me tell you, fam, it was effed up. Lyrie had attuned a curse to the Lamashtu malus, likely because she knew we had cleansed several shrines and really ticked off the evil goddess. It was like planting a bug, and was powered by the soul it was attached to. Kyle was impressed. Apparently it was pretty sophisticated magic.

The problem with it was that it had been meant for Aurora, not someone with as many lives as we have under our belts, so it got overcharged, hence the swarm. Making it for Aurora had really ticked Kyle off. And then we got to see her rant. Kyle got so angry that Samantha’s domain started melting around him.

Kyle asked Samantha if she could revive us. Essielle pointed out that it would be interference, which was against God’s rules. So Kyle pointed out that she’d only be answering the prayers invoked in the failed resurrection attempts. They settled on that being an acceptable justification. It was rather amusing to watch, if I’m being honest.

I talked Samantha into helping us make an entrance, by projecting a recording of my voice during the resurrection. She also did a thing to bind us together so that if we died again, the fact that two souls had to be brought back wouldn’t stop the spell from working anymore.

I’ll admit, the entrance was awesome. Kyle’s magitech armor worked extremely well and the gun he’d made for Aurora had been quite useful as well. Also, Samantha’s addition of the black tentacles was pretty great, too, though I’m not too enthusiastic about the sounds the zombies made when they got torn apart.

Now, let me talk about what Aurora wrote down about the events that happened. Yes, I’ve read her journal. Kyle may be too much of a gentleman to do so, but I’m not Kyle. I’ve always been overprotective of my sibling, and I’m not going to stop now just because I actually approve of the person he likes.

We human beings are not great at remembering things exactly as they happen, especially when emotion is involved. Aurora’s journal is a textbook example. The fight was well documented, though I don’t think Aurora quite understands just how amazing it was that she managed to learn how to channel her rage from Lenn and then turn it into a true blood rage. Kyle’s fairly certain that she’s going to get access to a limited supply of sorcery at some point as she continues to use anger to tap into her bloodline. That’s WAY beyond “You ever been so mad you hit a guy with a cactus?” or whatever your favorite version of that demotivational says.

No, her report on the battle was accurate, if lacking in certain perspectives and a bit spartan. What was inaccurate was what she wrote about the whole scene afterwards. I find it heartwarming that she actually remembers it all that way, but that’s not how it went down at all.

She did get on one knee. They did kiss. There was clapping. But it was far more like two awkward nerds on their first date than anything like how she wrote it. Look, at one point, she managed to headbutt him when going in for a kiss. It broke his nose. Paulie had to heal it. I’m not even joking. And they never would have had that second kiss if Chadwick hadn’t started a “KISS! KISS! KISS!” chant.

All in all, it was absolutely adorable. They were both just so nervous, it was like seeing Kyle back when he was still in high school. I just wish I had it on tape to play at their 25th anniversary party.

It has been two days and they’re finally getting over that ridiculously sweet nervousness they’ve had around each other. It probably would have gone by more quickly if they’d just bang and get it over with, but for some reason that hasn’t happened either. No, I don’t know why. I go into something of a nap state to give them privacy when they’re alone.

They did spend some time talking over their argument. Working from a place where their mutual love was out in the open, they finally managed to work it out. I’m really happy about that because the days leading up to our death had been really frustrating and annoying.

The day after we got back, an interesting bundle was brought to us by Magrim Emberaxe. Inside was a craftsman’s hammer and a stein, along with a note addressed to me, so we knew something was up.

Kira,

I just wanted to thank you and your brother for the great time the other day. T and I really enjoyed the battle. If you ever find yourself up this way again, you’re always welcome at my bar. I even set you up a tab. The stein is from me. Once per day, feel free to enjoy the finest beer magic can conjure. It’s not quite as good as the real stuff, but it’s still pretty good. T sent the hammer for your brother. He was so impressed with that spear that he just felt the craftsmanship should be rewarded.

Speaking of the spear, we recovered it from the site of the other battle you had. That fight was some impressive work. T’s planning to give it to a worthy hero in his or her time of need. Hope that’s alright.

Anyway, thanks again for a great time and good luck on your adventure. We’re rooting for you.

Cayden

Yeah, our life is weird. Like super, super weird. Yet, that said, I can’t imagine I’d have it any other way. I’m really glad I remember who I am now. Now Kyle and the others just need to finish analyzing that library so we can go kill that Runelord. Then my brother needs to make me a body. Maybe I can take the Runelord's body. He won't be needing it? Or would that turn Kyle into a girl again? Should I invest in one of those gender thingy belts before?

You know what? I'll just let Kyle figure it out.


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There are unmarked spoilers ahead for the last couple posts. Be warned.

You know, reading through those last three again, and I'm not sure I'm happy with where I went with some of that stuff. I'm going to leave it because it's already been posted as well as GM approved, but still.

I'm just going to say it. Things went a little ridiculously Mary Sue in the Boneyard. I put it in because it's world building for a related story I want to write, but at the same time it really doesn't do anything for THIS story.

I am fine with making Earth out to be a place of great importance to the future of existence because of the experiments of a lone god, but I just think I went too far with the character's strength, as cool as the star thing was.

For the record, very little in the spirit world aside from the revelation of who Kira actually is will have much bearing on further events. There are a few smaller things, but nothing major. Don't want to spoil much of what roles are planned for things.

And, coincidentally, the two magic items they got out of it cost about the same as the two raise deads. Since the trap was triggered by fiat(note: Kyle handily beat the reflex DC and failed his save in order to Aid Another to help Aurora on hers, which she barely made, in case you're wondering), effectively no wealth was created or destroyed by this side adventure.

What I am happy with is the events of Aurora's section.


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The Conquering Heroes

Spoiler:
I think my fiancé is trying to kill me. I wake up every morning and my skin is on fire and I have a queasy feeling radiating through me.

<Quit being a drama queen. She’s not trying to kill you. She’s just decided that the two of you should wait until marriage for certain things.>
<But she wants to wait SOO LONG! The wedding is planned for after we stop the Runelord’s plans.>
<Pansy.>

In the days since our unfortunate little adventure into the land of the dead, things have been fairly good. Aurora and I worked out the schism caused by our earlier words and we’re back to sharing a bed – the nightmares, you see – though we now have a chaperone. Aurora’s idea. Apparently if I had just gone for it earlier, the whole sex thing would have totally happened. But now that there was a wedding in sight, she wanted to wait.

Well, I’m a good Catholic boy, and everyone knows the most important part of a Catholic wedding is waiting until the baby is born. I kid! I kid! Essielle, please let God know I’m only joking, kay?

<It’s a little weird that we’re on a first name basis with our guardian angel.>
<Kira, I can name a dozen things that have happened to us that are weirder than that without even referencing our time dead.>
<Good point.>

I finally took time to discuss Geo’s work with him. Despite the fact that I really didn’t want to know, part of me thought I really ought to learn about it anyway. He had in fact made himself part woman and used his body to rapidly grow a clone of Lenn. And he had combined himself with an undead using fleshcrafting with the help of that Oenipion Fleshforger. As such, he was pretty much unkillable without certain conditions being met. I could shoot him in the face and he’d heal from it in anywhere from a few minutes to an hour.

He had done it so he could survive the “birth”. Because that’s soooo much smarter than just building a cloning vat. And no, as far as I know, no one’s done so before, but I defy you to find me evidence that someone has ever done what Geo did. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Yeah, that’s what I thought.

I also spent some time calibrating my power armor. There were a few points where it chafed a little and I needed to fix that. I also came to the conclusion that the VI I was using wasn’t powerful enough to fully control it. It could follow simple instructions, but I needed a more robust platform.

While I worked on that, Paulie stopped by. He was really interested in what I’d done. As I listed the features and the costs, he decided he didn’t need nearly that much. We hammered out the details and I promised I’d get to work building him a more bare-bones model. With magitech, that would be a lot easier than you’d think. Build first on a foundation of magic, then add in the tech. I was thinking electro-beams.

It took a few more days to gather all the treasure and finish scanning everything in the library. After that, Voidstrife forces had arrived, so we set up a new library liaison to work with the clockwork librarian. Construction crews were also brought in to renovate the fortress into a tourist destination for academics from all over the world. In a matter of months, the place would be bustling with scholars and support staff of all types. I still hadn’t gotten Chadwick behind me on the “luxury spa destination getaway” thing, but he’d come around.

Once we were satisfied that things were where they needed to be, we began the trip back to Magnimar. In truth, we could have teleported, but we had to get the carts and horses back. So we went by land for much of the trip, then took to the skies for the last half day or so, leaving a few people to bring in the horses.

It was early evening when we got back. Apparently someone had told the people we were coming. The streets were decorated with banners welcoming us back and the streets filled with throngs of people cheering our return. I couldn’t let an opportunity like this pass by. “Do a lap around the city!” I commanded over the radio. “VI, armor on.” Aurora gave me a questioning look. I grinned back. “Let’s put on an air show. Anyone want to join us?”

“Go. Have fun,” Geo said.

I tapped into the speakers on the helicopter and loaded up some AC/DC, then cast my flight spell. Aurora activated the magic in her armor since her wings wouldn’t be safe as we exited. I gently booped Aurora’s nose. “Tag. You’re it. Catch me if you can.” Then I fell out of the helicopter.

We played tag through the skies of Magnimar to the tune of “Shoot to Thrill”, which I would occasionally punctuate with sky effects from different spells I had prepared as well as spells my armor was capable of using. The lightning bolts, fireballs and even magic bursts of radiant light probably looked really cool from the ground. The lights on my suit streaking through the sky being chased by the lights of Aurora’s halo probably didn’t look too bad either.

Around the time “TNT” loaded up, someone on the ground began setting off their own fireworks – likely planned as part of our arrival – near the Lord Mayor’s estate. We looked over and saw that the helicopters had landed, so I let Aurora catch me. I switched the music remotely and we flew hand-in-hand through the fireworks to the tune of “I’m Gonna Fly” from Kiki’s Delivery Service – don’t judge me.

<Oh, I’m judging the hell out of you.>
<Hush, you.>

We did two tightening circles above the front of the manor where the Lord Mayor’s retinue was waiting for us. Every noble in the city had to be there. Apparently someone had called ahead. I dispelled the flight spells on us, allowing the residual magic to slow our descent to a few feet per second, or about the speed you’d reach jumping off a kitchen chair. We came in facing each other, my hands on her waist, hers around my neck. Her wings were flared out to help further slow us.

The crowd cheered the maneuver as we touched down. “A little service for the fans?” I whispered to Aurora.

“A little what?” she asked. Meh, close enough. I popped open my faceplate, slid my arm around her and dipped her back in a passionate kiss, drawing enthusiastic cheers from the onlookers.

What the hell? Was literally everyone in this city shipping us?

<You’re such a show off.>
<It’s only showing off if you don’t have enough style to make it look good.>
<You can’t see it, but I’m rolling my eyes at you harder than I ever have before right now.>

Lord Mayor Grobaras greeted us with a well-rehearsed speech. I’m not going to bother writing it here, as it was exactly what you’d expect. Hail the conquering heroes, champions of our hearts, blah blah blah, yadda yadda. That sort of thing. Also, I may not have been paying all that much attention because even just by holding my hand, and standing comfortably close, Aurora can manage to get my full, nearly undivided attention.

Afterwards, rewards were dished out. Meaningless titles, for the most part. Useless aside from obligating us to further serve the city and – most importantly from the Lord Mayor’s perspective – they cost the city almost nothing to give. The only real benefit is that we were now capable of owning land and collecting rents on it, which I’m sure Chadwick and I could turn a profit on, not that I was really worried about it. Maybe I could have my portion pay out to a local orphanage or something. I have more than enough money at the moment.

Chadwick apparently bought a house in town, so Aurora and I stayed there while the others took up back at the inn we’d been staying at. The furnishings were nicer than what we’d seen at any inn, complete with a nice day bed for our chaperone, because of course.

Aurora and I debated – openly in love, we didn’t argue as such – over when to have the wedding. Aurora made the case for waiting until we’d saved the world. I wanted to teleport to Absalom and have my priest friend there perform the ceremony that day. Maybe the next day, at the latest.

Of course, when has the man ever had the choice? Apparently we were waiting so we could do it right. All I needed for it to be perfect is for her to be there. And maybe a chocolate cherry cake. I was putting my foot down on that one. If she’s picking the date and the rest of the details, I get to pick the cake, dammit.

I dunno. I really don’t care. I just want to get it over with before she realizes that a slightly high mileage wizard may not be the best choice at the dealership.

Since I had been given the timetable of “once we’d saved the world”, I spent my time focusing on going through the digital version of the library in order to see if I could find a way to speed that whole thing up. Even digitized and indexed, it was slow going.

It didn’t help that I was also working on a lot of other things. I was building Paulie’s new armor, “wiring up” the new shield stone to the Lord Mayor’s mansion, studying to find a way to make a body for Kira without resorting to Geo’s craziness, fabricating new furniture for Chadwick’s house – his stuff was good, but I could make memory foam, so I win – and hand crafting Aurora and my wedding bands.

Let me take a moment to talk about those. First of all, no diamonds. Worthless rocks with artificially inflated prices, those. Instead, I managed to find a couple really nice white sapphires, which I used a combination of lasers and magic – my only use of magic on the project beyond using magicite to make the metals – to hollow and inject with a few drops of a mixture of Aurora’s and my blood, enchanted to never coagulate, turning the white gems red. I then carved them into dual-heart shapes and polished them carefully.

Then I made the bands, which were each made of three interwoven strands, one of titanium to represent Earth, one of mithral to represent Golarion, and one of adamantine to represent the starry skies between them. I set the sapphires into the bands carefully and engraved the inside of the rings with our names.

I showed my work to Aurora and she was suitably impressed. “Now we can run off and find a secluded little chapel,” I joked.

She smiled and rolled her eyes playfully. “No, but those will be wonderful at our proper wedding.”

“Is it really that important?”

“It is,” she said. “I know you’re eager to bed me, and believe me, you’re not the only one that’s having trouble waiting, but it’s truly important, okay?”

“Fine,” I said, giving her a kiss just improper enough for our chaperone to smack me with that wooden stick she carries. I don’t know who gave her that stick. I don’t know who told her to hit ME with the stick. But I know that one day I will find out. And someone will rue that day. RUE, I SAY!

The next morning, Aurora got up before I did and went off with Lenn for more training. He was teaching her how to harness her rage by yelling at bugs. Hand to God, I’m not making that up. I went and watched once. He made a grasshopper explode by yelling at it. The other Lenn – I really need to figure out something less confusing to call him – came by not long after and asked me to forge a new weapon and some armor for him. He wanted an axe like the one Lenn uses and told me that anything in a mid-range armor would be fine.

As I worked on the axe, Kira decided to sass me. “You really haven’t figured it out?”

“Figured what out?”

“The wedding thing.”

I really hadn’t, so I told her so. “Please enlighten me, dear sister, font of all womanly knowledge,” I teased.

“Jackass. You’re more of a woman than I am. You’re just apparently too dumb to pay attention.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that I’m going to really enjoy one heck of a laugh at your expense later.”

Later that morning, Chadwick dropped by and asked me to copy the scanned library for him, which meant I had to make him his own computer and copy over the VI to run it. While I was at it, he had me copy over my music as well.

“Anything else?” I asked as he was preparing to head out and continue his work on the trade negotiations with the Lord Mayor. It was turning into more than just a favored status for the Voidstrife group, but into a true negotiation with my adopted brother negotiating on behalf of Absalom.

“Actually, yes. I was thinking of having one of the new servants stock the liquor cabinet. You want anything for when we celebrate this trade deal?”

“If you’re really that close to concluding it, then some high end brandy would be nice.” Brandy's a sophisticated drink for sophisticated people and I have an image to maintain. Now if I could just get some Sprite to mix with it.

“Done.” He turned to leave and stopped. “Wait! I almost forgot. There is one more thing I would find useful if you could make it for me?”

“What’s that?”

“You remember when you told me your world had devices that could record events as they unfolded. Do you think you could make me one?”

I considered it. Yeah, I’m pretty sure I could make a video camera. “Sure. Why?”

“Once the formal treaty is written up, I’d like to record the signing to show back home.”

That made a lot of sense. Being able to show the fruits of his labors would really raise the family’s standing. “I’m out of spells of the right level to pull it off. If it can wait until tomorrow, however, I’ll make it happen.”

He clapped me on the shoulder. “I knew I could count on you. I won’t need it for a few days at least, but don’t tarry too long. I’ll need you to teach me how to use it.”

With Aurora back sharing a bed, the nightmares were gone once more. Now that she knows she’s separate, Kira’s pretty sure she could consciously dispel the bad dreams. She can now sleep whenever she wants – which she does to give me privacy – and is not necessarily bound to sleeping when I do. She has to limit movement to keep from leaving me exhausted, but she can even take over the body when I’m sleeping.

The nightmares were gone, but the strange dreams were back. This one was set in some kind of secluded castle. In a cave.

“I can’t believe you got the dwarves to give you Castle Honnleath, sis,” my twin brother Cedwin was saying to me.

“That’s your doing, brother.”

“My doing? I didn’t even talk to the dwarves.”

His confusion amused me. “No, and thank the gods for that. What you did was more important. You killed and humiliated their enemy. Your… what would you call him? He’s dead, but I guess he’s still technically your father-in-law. Anyway, the dvergar hated him. He killed some of their lord’s kin who had been sheltering with him through a bad storm.”

“So they were grateful I killed him back? Grateful enough to give us a castle?”

“Not exactly. He was a well-known human purist. I may have told them that you killed him so you could take his only daughter and ‘taint’ his line’s human purity with a bit of elf blood. That insult to his entire lineage amused them enough to offer us this unused castle.”

“But that’s not what happened at all!”

“It may not have been the intention, but it did technically happen. Look it had lost us any support of the human lords already, so there was no harm in spinning it into a tale that helps us. We needed somewhere we could be safe from the humans.”

“I guess that’s fair enough. But it makes me look like the bad guy here.”

“Just by having the audacity to exist, we’re already the villains. Don’t worry about it. I would worry about your wife instead, were I you.”

“What’s wrong with my wife?”

“Well, based on your bride’s illness the last few weeks, I suspect that you’ve already ‘contaminated’ her father’s line.”

“WHAT?!”

“I’m going to be an auntie, brother.”

“I have to go see her.”

“By all means,” I said. He hugged me and ran off. I ran my finger gently over the parchments on the table, feeling the texture of the ancient documents. There was a lot we could do with full maps of the dwarven tunnels. The humans would soon learn the folly of attacking us.

And when I found that wizard, I was going to cut out his liver and feed it to him if it was the last thing I did.

I woke up and discussed the dream with Kira. She confirmed that it was actually a memory, but was unwilling to tell me more. She seems to think it’s a good idea if I try to recall it on my own. Of course, while I’m awake, it’s all coming up blank. Maybe I just need to wait for it. Or maybe I take a page out of Katie’s handbook and find a way to put Kira in a half-Nelson until she spills the beans. Either’s good.

<You’re welcome to try.>
<I can build powered armor and giant robots.>
<Oh. Right. Still not telling.>

And that was it. For almost two weeks, nothing happened. I built things. I studied. Aurora trained. Chadwick made deals. Lenn taught noble ladies to make cakes. Geo worked with his weird cult friends. Other Lenn practiced with his new axe. Paulie… did Paulie things. I don’t know. I lost track. I’m sure that won’t come back to bite us in the ass later.

But for nearly two weeks, I didn’t have any moments where I feared for my life. I didn’t have to investigate anything horrifying. There were no ghosts, no monsters, no inbred hillbillies eating the flesh of the innocent. And we didn’t need to commit genocide once.

Yeah, I’m still thinking about that. Look, it’s not that I’m feeling guilty. It’s that I’m feeling guilty that I don’t feel guilty. I mean, I beat myself up over not realizing there was dissension in the ranks and not reaching out to those who could have been our allies. But I don’t at all feel guilty over killing all those giants. They were going to hurt others, and I put them down. Well, others did most of the heavy lifting. But you get what I mean.

S.L.A. Marshall did a study in World War Two that found that a rather high percentage of soldiers weren’t firing to hit their targets, just aiming in the general vicinity. It’s considered controversial nowadays, with many citing problems with the science, but I wouldn’t be surprised. Most people don’t have it in them to kill under any but the most extreme circumstances. Things like severe rage or fear are required.

Yet I can gun down hundreds to save thousands without batting an eye. Like they’re simple numbers. I wonder what that says about me. Am I some kind of psychopath? Shouldn’t I feel guilty?

I don’t have an answer. And I don’t think I have much motivation to really worry about it. Bad people died. Innocents lived. And I sleep well enough at night aside from the unrelated nightmares I get when I sleep alone.

Maybe I’ll just refrain from ever running for any public office bigger than a local school board. Just to be safe.

The end of my idyllic days was heralded by the mid-afternoon arrival of Chadwick. Apparently he needed my help with the negotiations. Yay. Trade agreements. My favorite. At least I could run through code permutations in my head to try to further improve my VIs while the boring discussions happened around me.

After the second day of tedium, my mind must have craved stimulation, because I had another dream. This one was weirder than many. The stars above were all out of alignment, looking familiar, but just different enough to be terribly wrong.

What was weirder is that I could see the stars even though the sun was out.

I was in a field of various daffodils, primulas, rosas foetida and sunflowers, but I didn’t smell the scent of any of those. I smelled a faint scent of lilac – likely from the real world proximity of Aurora to me – and hydrangeas. Samantha was nearby. I also caught the scent of the Hemerocallis lilioasphodelus – the daylily – a flower whose scent I noted as being present after a transformation into Kira has just ended.

I’ve had lucid dreams before, but this felt different. In a lucid dream, I could do things like gift myself with flight or teleport, but I couldn’t do that here. It was almost as if I was somewhere else entirely, but also in a dream.

I followed the scent of hydrangea and daylily, moving quietly to avoid detection. I’m not sure why I was being stealthy, but I had the feeling I should be. I even tip toed through a patch of tulipa tarda, though that might have just been for pun’s sake.

I crept up behind a kerria japonica hedge – bush? shrub? – and heard voices. “And he suspects nothing?” Samantha was asking.

“No, he’s too focused to realize what’s going on around him,” Kira replied.

“Excellent. I do hope you’ll tell me all about the look on his face when he finds out.”

“Oh, I will, but it might cost you,” Kira said. I knew that tone. That was the tone one uses when fishing for a kiss – or more. As curious as I was about what they were talking about, I wasn’t invading Kira’s privacy like that, so I noped right the heck out of there at all reasonable speed while maintaining as quiet a retreat as possible. On the way out, I ran across a troop of nightgaunts. I might have been in danger, but they seemed afraid of flowers for some reason. I decided not to try to figure out why.

<Hey! You heard us in the Dreamlands?>
<Considering what you were hiding from me, you have no room to be outraged. Also, “the Dreamlands”?>
<Oops. Extra special no comment.>
<I guess that explains the nightgaunts, at least.>
<I’ll talk to Samantha and ask her to make sure you aren’t pulled in too. You aren’t mad, are you?>
<Why would I be mad?>
<Because I’m dating your ex?>
<Why would I begrudge her happiness? As long as the two of you take things slow and do your best to make sure neither of you gets hurt, go for it.>
<Since when are you so mature?>
<I believe I learned it from a pony.>
<Ah, there it is.>

I woke up from the weird dream to see Aurora’s face inches from mine. Her eyes were open and, for lack of a better term, she looked hungry. Not literally hungry. We were both using rings that reduced need for sleep and eliminated need for food. Whoever had coined the term “man eater” had seen that look in my fiancé’s eyes.

“You okay?” I whispered.

“I don’t know if I can take it anymore.”

“Take what anymore.”

“The waiting. I don’t want to wait. I want to go throw out our chaperone and stop waiting.”

My heart skipped several beats. “If you don’t want to wait, then don’t. I’m suddenly extremely ready right now.”

She giggled. “I do love you, you know.” She kissed me a little too long and the chaperone hit me with a stick. I’ll be honest, the chaperone was a little too reminiscent of a nun for me to sass when she did that. Like any good Catholic boy, nuns terrify me.

I had a spell prepared. In an instant, the psycho nun could be unconscious. But I could tell Aurora was strangely relieved that she had intervened. “So, I’m guessing not today?”

Aurora sighed and nodded. It was clear she was just as frustrated as I was. “It’s important.”

“If you say so,” I said. “I’ll respect your wishes. Just call off the lady with the stick.”

The next day, Aurora had gone before I woke up. I decided to start doing more research, since it was too early to wake anyone. I thought I had a breakthrough in my investigation into placing Kira’s soul into a new body, but I was wrong. I’m pretty sure if I explore that line of research further, I could use it to create a spell to completely combine our souls – the opposite of what I’m trying to do, really – with the little side effect of maybe never being unable to untangle ourselves. On the plus side, it would probably give us an intense boost of power.

At least I was making progress there. I could tell you all about Karzoug’s war with Alaznist and a ton about the old empire, but it didn’t give me any hints on how to find and stop him. It was like a mental form of blue balls to go with the more real version I was getting from Aurora’s need to wait on the wedding.

I was so focused on my research that I forgot to go with Chadwick to the day’s negotiations. So he came and found me after they broke for lunch. “We’ve had a breakthrough. I need you there for the signing. Get cleaned up and put on something fancy.”

“How fancy we talking?”

“Remember that suit you wore to Mother’s birthday party last year?”

“You want me in a tuxedo?”

“We’ll be recording this.”

“Tuxedo it is. Black, white and purple okay?”

“Should be fine,” he replied. “Just hurry up.”

I gave him a look and then used magic to cleanse myself, change my clothes and even style my hair and trim my facial hair. “Good enough?”

“It’ll have to be. We don’t want to be late.” I thought I detected a smug satisfaction in his voice. I debated whether it was too late to strap on my holster, but decided it would create an ugly bulge in the otherwise perfectly fitted suit.

We arrived at the Lord Mayor’s mansion and servants ushered us through. It was obvious they expected us and had been impatiently awaiting our arrival. It was quickly apparent that they were ushering us out towards the large private garden. Why were we signing documents in the garden?

I tried to ask Chadwick, but he just hurried me along. Then I began to hear music. I recognized that music. “Chadwick…why are we signing documents in the garden?!” I was almost panicking, but I didn’t quite realize why.

He just grinned. “It was the best place.” That was a lie. He was lying! I was outraged. He signaled to the servant waiting at the door to the garden. The man rushed along. A few moments later and the music changed. It was clear that the orchestra had practiced this.

The song they were playing caused a memory to flash. I was back in that cabin where I had nursed Aurora back to health, humming the same tune – “Pastel Pure”, the opening to Marimite, in case you’re wondering – as she slept. She woke up with a small smile. “That’s a beautiful song.”

“I think that one day I’d like it played at my wedding,” I said, not really thinking about it.

“Tell me about weddings on Earth,” she said sleepily. So I did, giving her a bunch of variations, including the American standard, traditional Irish touches and even adding in details of my perfect wedding, including the aforementioned Pastel Pure as the song during the prelude before the processional. I then went into detail on the clothing worn, especially focusing on the bride’s dress…

Oh, crap. While describing the dress, I had made a joke that “Only virgin brides can wear a truly white dress, of course. Ladies who have soiled their purity have to wear a lesser shade of white.” It had been a joke. I thought it was a silly thing to worry about. But she must not have caught the joke.

She thought that I thought that it was important. That’s what the last few weeks had been about. She had been abstaining because she thought it was important to me. I couldn’t help but be moved by that. It was so silly of her, but she had done all that to make things as perfect as possible for me.

Well, the least I could do was to do my part flawlessly. I looked over to my right and there were several of my friends in their finest outfits, some in clothes I’m pretty sure they didn’t own before this. They’d even manage to make Geo’s tentacles look presentable. That was a minor miracle if I ever saw one.

Even Calais, my old friend, was there. I must have been really distracted to let them get all this done without hearing a word of it. He congratulated me and we all took our positions, marching in shortly after to stand at the altar, where a cleric of Shelyn stood to officiate.

I glanced over the crowd and saw so many familiar faces. Mother Voidstrife was there, seated next to Chadwick’s wife and child. Behind them sat numerous others from Absalom, including Calais’ uncle, several of my old bandmates and a couple of my former instructors. There were so many, it’s hard to name them all, honestly. I was surprised to see the Lord Mayor seated in the crowd, as he seemed a logical choice for escorting Aurora down the aisle.

The orchestra finished its song and, after a brief pause, began playing “What a Wonderful World”, signaling the start of the processional. It started out softly and reached a triumphant crescendo as Aurora walked in, escorted by Lenn – our older friend, not the one Geo made. It was a sight, the giant man bent slightly to allow my tiny Aurora to hold the crook of his arm. He walked with practiced patience, which in and of itself was amazing. And the sight of my bride was nearly enough to take my breath away. No, I mean it. My heart skipped a beat and I almost fainted.

She was wearing a dress so white it was nearly blinding, but also trimmed with green – I had mentioned that my mother’s wedding dress was, so she had done so as well, I suspect – and illuminated by a soft glow from her halo, which she had managed to project without producing her wings or metallic skin. “Heavenly” doesn’t even begin to describe the sight. I fear that I could write for years and never do justice to the vision of my beloved walking down that aisle.

She walked up and took her place at the altar. My knees went weak as she pulled up the veil. At that point, there’s a bit of a blur in my memory of events. I mean, I’ve seen the video, but I don’t remember doing much of it. We said our vows, exchanged rings and then came time for the kiss. That part I remember. It started out chaste – we were in public – but Aurora would have none of that. She spun me around and dipped me back, planting a kiss so hot that I’m surprised parts of my clothing didn’t spontaneously catch fire. And, true to what I described, a Taldan translation of a verse from the English version of “Sakura Kiss” was performed during the kiss.

And I would like to find a hand like yours to take mine,
And with one kiss we could stop time, and I'd fall in love with you.
Tomorrow's far away; let's place our hope in today.
Just you and me in a beautiful spring...and we'll always fall in love, again.

Why? Because I’m a dork. There was a reception – well, more of a ball, really – with every wealthy member of society present. Aurora and I danced our first to an orchestral version of “Eyes On Me” as everyone watched, but for me, there was no one else in the room but her. She had improved considerably. I suspect that her time training with Lenn hadn’t just been shouting at bugs.

We then danced with friends and family as traditional as well as some of the members of the local government hierarchy. And then came the most important part of the reception. The time dreaded and held in awed anticipation by all. Yes, that’s right. You know what I’m talking about.

That’s when we danced the Chicken Dance.

Yes, thanks to a joke made to someone who I didn’t think would remember anything, I have unleashed the Chicken Dance upon a second planet. One day, humanity will stand on trial for that. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.

Chadwick revealed that he was giving us his house in Magnimar as a wedding present. He also told us that he’d be returning to Absalom after the party and leaving us to make ourselves at home. We would be all alone. I almost felt giddy. That big house and just me and my amazingly beautiful – also beautifully amazing – wife. Well, okay, we had the servants that he’d hired – they were paid up for the next six months! – there as well. But they were good people and none of them would hit me with a stick for grabbing my wife’s splendid backside.

For a split second after he told me about the house, there was a part of me that wondered if Aurora would be cool with me putting up a couple Gurren Lagann wall scrolls in the living room. That part of me was quickly beaten into submission by the other parts that didn’t want it to screw up our wedding night.

After we had spent enough time dancing, feasting and socializing, Aurora and I boarded a pimped out carriage – thankfully, I hadn’t told her about the tin cans tradition – and made our way home. Kira put herself into a dream state to give us some privacy before we arrived. I carried my wife over the threshold – I think she said a prayer to Alsetta as we crossed – and up to our bedroom.

Alone at last, I was suddenly nervous. But Aurora had waited long enough. She kissed me ardently. After several minutes, she pulled away. “Do the magic thing and make our clothes go away,” she commanded. Luckily, I had that spell prepared in case of an emergency. Like if our chaperone had gotten herself locked in a closet somehow and we only had minutes to take advantage of it.

A few words and a flick of the wrist and we were both naked in the light of the moon streaming in from the skylight. In a strange reversal, now Aurora was blushing furiously. She looked very nervous. But now I was no longer unsure of myself.

I took her hand and led her to bed, where I made love to the most astonishing woman I’ve ever known. She made up for any inexperience with boundless enthusiasm. There’s something special about sex with someone you truly love that sets it far above sleeping with random others. It was honestly the best I’ve ever had. The earth moved.

No, really. There was an earthquake during… let’s just say the timing was beyond incredible. It was a three, maybe a four – more likely the former – on the Modified Mercalli Intensity scale. Aurora seemed startled. “Is that normal?” she asked, unsure about whether she was imagining the tremors.

I kissed her reassuringly. “I’m just going to call that the gods’ way of telling us they approve until I hear otherwise.”

“Should we go investigate?”

I shrugged. “We could. Or…” I said, kissing her neck and leaving the sentence hanging.

She moaned softly and wrapped her arms around me. “Definitely ‘Or…’,” she breathed hungrily.

It’s a damn good thing we have those magic rings that let us get by on only two hours of sleep, because it was a long night. In fact, we spent the next several days in bed. We probably would have stayed there longer, but Sheriff Hemlock arrived late one morning.

Apparently the earthquake had been a little stronger back in Sandpoint – a six or so on the MMI, hearing him tell it. And, of course, that was only the beginning of their problems. Because Sandpoint never has simple problems.

I guess I would have to wait to complain about our cake being lemon until later.

Chapter V starts officially in the next entry, which might take a short while as I've gotta focus on the rest of my move first.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Very fun read. Dotting for the future.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Just found this this week. Already read all, caught up, and waiting for the next chapter!

:)

Very nice and well done. Truth be told, I'm a bit jealous! ;)

I easily enjoy this as much as many of my favored books on my shelves.

(And considerably more than several other books that also rest on my shelves. I'm looking at YOU 'Darksaber'!) ;P

Looking forward to the continued adventures!


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The Mother’s Wrath

Spoiler:
Of course, I’m getting ahead of myself. The morning of Hemlock’s arrival started the same way the last several days had: Tangled in blankets and blissful. The sunlight streaming through the part of the window not covered by curtains illuminated my wife’s beautiful face like some kind of union between a Renaissance-era divinity painting and something by Nikolai Ge. It was heavenly.

Not that we were without problems. “I’m going to have to leave the house soon,” I said to Aurora.

“I don’t like that idea,” she protested, running her finger down my chest.

“But I only have one more day’s supply of bachelor’s snuff,” I countered.

She crawled up on top of me, her face an inch from mine. “You’re not a bachelor anymore,” she purred. Yes, purred.

I kissed her, tucking my arm around her and rolling her onto her back. “Is that your way of saying you want kids?”

“I don’t think I’d mind.”

I hadn’t really thought of it. You know, I don’t think I’d mind either. However… “Probably not a good idea until we finish taking care of this runelord business.”

She pouted. “I guess you’re right.” Suddenly she got an impish grin. “Unless, of course, the matter isn’t moot.” Right. I had forgotten the first night. Look, it was my wedding night. I had other things on my mind. Look, it’s the only time I’ve ever forgotten since I started taking the stuff. So hush.

Statistically speaking, we had something like a less than three percent chance of conception not knowing any other factors. I say that because I don’t know what part of her cycle she’s on. She doesn’t know either. Apparently she doesn’t have periods. Yep, covert estrus. Like freaking lemurs.

Can someone explain to me again how she managed to go so long without realizing she was an aasimar?

Either way, it certainly complicates the math. If I knew what portion of the cycle she was on, I’d be able to make a much better guess. The odds are anywhere from “statistically insignificant” to “eighty something percent”. And that, of course, assumes there is a cycle like I’m expecting. What if aasimars ovulate based on intercourse combined with feelings of love or something?

Before you try to tell me that primate biology doesn’t work that way, let me remind you that I’m on an alien planet and talking about a woman whose family tree has enough angels in it to make an entire choir. So what I’m saying, is I have no idea what the possibility is that I might have already set in motion events that could lead to being a father in nine months, and yeah, I might be a little terrified, no matter how okay I am with the idea in the speculative.

Also, I have no idea if it’d even be nine months. What if it’s ten, or eight? WHAT IF IT’S FOUR?! Oh, God.

<Breathe, Kyle.>
<Kyle’s not here right now. Please leave a message after the beep.>

What passed as our honeymoon wasn’t all sex and panic. We also spent a lot of time enjoying the wedding gift we got from Kira and Samantha. Before you ask, yes, I was terrified at the possibilities when Kira told me that they got us a gift. But I was worried for nothing.

They got us anime. :D

Well, not just anime. A couple live action series and western cartoons as well. Yes, ponies included. But nothing from more than a couple years after I left. Apparently time travel was involved, because Samantha travels in four dimensions. It’s hard to explain the reasons. Don’t try to figure it out, unless you have a doctorate in calculus. Just trust me on that.

In case you’re wondering, Aurora apparently loves space operas. Despite being light years away from geek culture, I think I managed to marry a geek. And I’ve never been happier. I don’t even mind having to take time to explain all the tech stuff as we go along. I haven’t had to explain basic things more than once. I have friends back on Earth who still can’t wrap their heads around why some spaceships have to spin, but Aurora picked it up well enough after I explained it to her.

We were watching some RWBY when there was a knock on the door. We were wearing robes and sitting on a couch, so I just paused the show and bade the servant to enter. It was our butler, Genji. As an aside note, I’m pretty sure Genji used to be some kind of warrior, unless I really am to believe that he lost his eye in an unfortunate bar tending accident as he claims.

“My apologies for bothering you,” he said. “But there are two men downstairs who say they have urgent business with the two of you, as well as your companions.”

“Who are they?” Aurora asked.

“Belor Hemlock and Abstalar Zantus from Sandpoint. They say that a number of guardsmen have gone missing.”

Somehow, I wasn’t surprised. That damn village just can’t catch a break. “Send runners for the others,” Aurora commanded. “Let them know that we will be down as soon as we’re done changing. Tell Victorica to serve them some tea while they wait.”

He bowed slightly, “I have already seen to it, Madame.”

“We’ll get changed and head down in a few minutes.”

“Of course,” Genji responded with a bow before leaving and shutting the door behind him. Somehow, despite the fact that we have magic at our disposal, it took about fifteen minutes to change. No comment.

We made it down around the time the last of our friends arrived. I guess they hadn’t been lounging around in their underwear watching cartoons like we had. To each his own, I guess.

We had some of the tea blend that passes as the closest thing to Earl Grey around here and our guests from Sandpoint filled us in on what had happened. Here’s the basic rundown. Apparently Tower Street had collapsed during the earthquake, taking the north wall of the town garrison with it. No one had been injured, luckily, because the cells in that area were empty. The rest of the town didn’t receive but minor damage from the earthquake, and a few people had received scrapes and bruises from falling objects, but nothing serious.

The first night after the collapse, horrible sounds had emanated from the sinkhole. Guards were sent in during the morning and haven’t returned. Looking down from above, Father Zantus noted that it looked like the catacombs we’d taken him down to in order to cleanse that Lamashtan shrine. The sounds were getting worse and everyone was afraid that eventually what was within would come out to attack the town.

They offered us payment for going down there and dealing with the problem. Several thousand gold, in fact. We exchanged glances and came to an agreement.

“We decline payment,” Geo said.

“Just cover our room and board and we’ll kill your problem,” New!Lenn asserted, gripping the handle of his new axe excitedly.

“And, once your problem is dead, we’ll take its stuff!” Paulie added in his Billy Mays voice.

“That’s worked for us so far,” Aurora agreed with a shrug.

“I LIKE HOOKERS!” Lenn interjected.

“Lenn likes hookers,” I concurred, nodding sagely. “Now the only question is: Who is riding in the hole?” I held up the portable hole for emphasis.

As indicated, damage in Sandpoint seemed minimal aside from the sinkhole on Tower Street and the damaged barracks. A couple apprentice wizards with the right cantrip could repair most of the basic damage in a couple days. I’d have to talk to the mayor about funding that before the small issues grew into larger ones and someone got hurt.

The sinkhole itself was fifteen feet deep at its deepest point. And sure enough, it looked like the catacombs we had explored before. If we looked, I’m sure we’d find the remains of that Runewell we destroyed under the rubble. I turned on my magic sight and was startled by what I saw.

There was a magical aura all over the hole. “I don’t think we destroyed the Runewell as thoroughly as we thought,” I said.

“That certainly complicates entry,” Aurora said, realizing what I meant.

“Or we could just go in the same way we did before,” Geo pointed out.

“It’ll take longer, but it might be safer,” Aurora agreed.
Then Lenn jumped down into the hole. “I’m bored!” he shouted. Guess we were going down the hard way. Aurora flew down and I hopped down into her arms. Meanwhile Geo, Paulie and the other Lenn – I’ve decided that I’m calling him Lenntu, using the sound of the English word ‘two’ to keep him from realizing I was using a number to refer to him – climbed down using a rope.

Most of the catacombs looked as we had left them. The only difference we found was a stairwell that had previously been blocked by debris had been cleared. We had intended to come back and clear it for later exploration, but hadn’t had the time yet. Obviously, someone had. Very recently too, from the looks of it.

We descended into darkness. I activated my suit’s headlamp and cast a light on Aurora’s blade. Others activated their own light sources. A bad feeling ran down my spine triggering memories of horror movies. If we ran across a xenomorph, I was bombing whole thing.

The stairs opened into some kind of antechamber. The walls were covered with the scrawlings of a madman. Most of them were Lamashtan prayers, but there was one verse that stood out. It didn’t belong with the rest. “If magic bright is your desire, to old Runeforge must you retire! For only there does a wizard’s art receive its due and proper start.”

I had seen references to the Runeforge in the library. “VI, index all works containing reference to the Runeforge for later reading.”

“Acknowledged,” the mechanical voice replied. It was still pretty bad at controlling the suit, but it could do this task easily.

Opposite the stairs we came in was a large archway that lead into what looked like a shrine to Lamashtu. I got a sense of foreboding from it and didn’t want to go that way, remembering the mark that the man in the afterlife bar had shown me. The Mother of Monsters and I were not remotely what you’d call BFFs right now, so I didn’t want to approach her little altar there if I didn’t have to. So we went north instead, down a hallway that lead to a room with a crystal clear pool of water.

“It’s a birthing pool,” Bat-Paulie said. “The cultists would have come here to bring their disgusting spawn into the world. I’d suggest no one drink any.”

He didn’t have to tell me twice. “Any secret to destroying it?” I asked.

“I don’t believe so.”

I didn’t want to risk the pool’s contents getting into the water table and causing other problems, so I filled it with an alchemical powder that turned the water into a hard foam, which we pulled out and set aside. I then set a charge in the base of the pool, which I could remote detonate later when we didn’t have to worry about a cave in elsewhere.

We headed back through the antechamber and went down the hallway to the south. There were two rooms off that hallway, though the ceiling had collapsed in one of them. The other appeared to be some kind of meditation cell. Nothing interesting in there aside from more ravings, including another out of place verse.

“On Eastern Shores of steaming mirror, at end of day when dusk is nearer, where seven faces silent wait encircled guards at Runeforge gate.”

An annoyed Paulie explained that in the time of the Runelords, some hack artist had repeatedly used mirrors as a metaphorical representation for lakes, which had been further used by a number of hack poets. The way he described it, he seemed to feel the whole thing was beyond tacky. But it was an important clue. We needed to find a lake with hot springs.

Geo knew one such place. He had heard of it from Shalelu. I didn’t pry further. It was enough to know where it was. I was getting excited. Everything I had read about the Runeforge suggested that it was an excellent place to learn about ancient Thassilon. We might even find something that would help us stop our enemy there. Or perhaps the spell I could use to get home.

Oh, we were going.

We went back to the main chamber, took a deep breath and approached the altar. It was standard Lamashtan, flanked on either side by nine foot tall statues of pregnant women with jackal heads and holding a pair of kukris. On the floor was a glowing image of a three-eyed jackal.

And that’s when the demons attacked. Glabrezu, fifteen foot tall horrors with four arms and lobster claws. They’re said to grant wishes, but with a monkey’s paw level of twist. You get what you want, but with terrible and destructive consequences. And they’re no slouches in combat. Which is why it sucks that there were two of them.

One of them charged us while the other stayed back and kept using the spell I’ve termed “Chaos Hammer” to fire blasts of primordial Chaos at us. Lenn and I were fine, but Paulie, Aurora, Geo and Lenntu all took major hits from each blast. Aurora entered a fury state and challenged the caster to combat, pushing past the other and charging while the two Lenns and Geo worked to eviscerate the melee foe. Paulie helped her by firing arrows at the caster and I unleashed what support magic I could.

It was tough, but we were getting the upper hand. When the melee glabrezu fell, the other called out, “Great Lamashtu! Your servant, Yerrin-Ku, needs your aid!” And that’s when the statues came to life. Because of course they did.

My life sucks sometimes.

I wasn’t sure we were going to pull this one off. Not without losing someone. We could revive them, but it would cost a fair bit. But Paulie had an idea I didn’t. Because I’m not insane.

<Your dead sister lives in your brain.>
<Amendment: I’m not the same kind of insane as Paulie.>
<Better.>

“Pazuzu!” Bat!Paulie shouted. “I offer you a chance to harm your hated foe!”

“What.” It was all I could think to say.

A voice in the wind spoke. “Is that all you offer?”

“Destruction,” Paulie replied. “Do it,” he told me. Do what? I had no idea what he was…oh. I pulled the detonator from my belt and hit the button. The room shook as the charge I had placed in the birthing pool exploded. The image of the jackal on the ground howled in range. “And we’ll do the same to her shrine when this is over.”

“DONE!” roared the voice gleefully. A trio of large air elementals appeared and began attacking the statues, letting our party focus on the glabrezu. Once he was down, we then moved on to the closest statue, felling it quickly. All in all, it went rather well, I thought. “Do not forget your bargain,” the voice in the air spoke again. “Or I shall destroy you.”

I still don’t know if invoking a demon lord was a good idea, but it had been done. And the price was something we would have done anyway. So, no harm, no foul, I guess? I just don’t know.

I started making my way towards the altar to blow it up when the glowing jackal image moved from the floor to the wall holding the shrine. “You will pay for your insolence!” a woman’s voice shouted at us from the image. Aurora screamed in agony and collapsed. Lenntu and Geo also crumpled to the ground, though Geo seemed more fascinated by what was going on than in pain.
Lenn roared and enraged, conjuring his halo. He was still in pain, but whatever was happening wasn’t affecting him like the others. Paulie didn’t seem to be affected. Because he was a tiefling, maybe? And for some reason, neither did I.

“It’s a concentrated Evil aura,” Paulie said. “She’s trying to warp our very beings and make us demonic. It wouldn’t affect me. Not sure why it’s not working on you.”

“Earthlings are protected from this kind of thing. Anything that affects your alignment directly, remember?” Kira said.

Right. “As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; He shields all who take refuge in him.” I began walking towards the altar. Forget waiting til we were done. I was going to smash the damn thing here and now.

“NO!” the voice commanded. I could feel Lamashtu bringing her will to bear on me. She could not change me, but she could bring me pain. Pain unlike anything I had ever felt before.

My knees began to buckle, but I pressed on. “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” As I continued on, the pain became excruciating. I heard Paulie collapse beside me and tried to continue to press forward, knowing that if I could just destroy that stupid altar, this would be over. “The God of my rock; in him will I trust: my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my saviour; thou savest me from violence.”

I was still but a man. And no man could match wills with a god. The pain was too great and I collapsed, writhing in agony. “Kyle! Get up!” Kira called to me. “You’re stronger than this!” She began calling out to me in my other names, the names I had held in my past lives. But I was in too much pain. I kept my eyes shut, begging for the pain to end.
Then one name caught my attention. I can’t even remember it now, but it got a response. “Ced…win,” I responded automatically, opening my eyes.

“I’m here! You have to get up!”

“It hurts too much!” I protested.

“I know it hurts. But you have to do it, for Aurora.”

I looked reflexively. She was writhing in agony, clutching her abdomen. A part of my brain, divorced from all the pain, thought that was significant. But why? And then it dawned on me, a multitude of information coalescing into a single thought. I actually laughed through the pain. “So much for less than three percent,” I said. There was no doubt. I couldn’t give up. I struggled and pushed myself to my feet.

“HOW?!” the voice demanded, intensifying its will upon me.

I almost fell again under the further intensified pain, but pressed on, hobbling towards my goal. “And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.” I hummed, trying to focus, as I continued my slow, arduous trek the remaining ten feet. At last, I reached the altar. “I. MAY. FALL. But not like this! AND NOT BY YOUR HAND!”

Then I put my gauntleted fist through the altar. A forceless explosion – sound and fury alone – erupted through the room and the jackal projection was gone.

The pain gone, I rushed to Aurora’s side. She had passed out from the pain. She had already been partially warped by the dark magic. “Please, help her,” I prayed, harder than I ever had before.

I heard Essielle’s voice. “I’m sorry. But we can only help those of Earth. That’s the rule.”

“That’s a stupid rule!” I bellowed. “And what about free choice?”

She seemed intrigued. “What do you mean?”

“She chose Earth!” I said.

Essielle appraised me. “By the Lord! You’re telling the truth!” She considered Aurora for a moment. “We can extend protection to her to protect her free will as you receive it now, but I’m afraid we won’t be able to fix anything already done. You’ll need to find someone who might be able to help her. Act quickly. In a couple hours, the damage will be irreversible.”

We would have to flee the shrine for now. We didn’t have anyone who would know how to help her with us. Not unless… “Paulie.” He had seemed to know a bit about what Lamashtu was doing.

“Yes?”

“Do you know a way to cure them?”

His face did the thing it does when he’s swapping personalities. “Like, sure, brah. They need some serious positive vibes. Like, teleport them to the positive energy plane for, ya know, two seconds so it’ll cleanse them but won’t incinerate them.”

That was beyond my capabilities at the moment. Also, it was insane. “Any other options?”

“You could try mixing a healing potion with some kind of righteous holy brew, then have them drink it. Then, right after they swallow it, hit them with a lesser disease curing spell.”

That was certainly less insane, and we had plenty of healing potions as well as wand charges for the disease curing. The only question was where to get a ‘righteous holy brew’. Do I whip out some tea bags and holy water?

“Use the mug, Luke,” Kira said, doing her best Obi Wan Kenobi impression.

Realizing what she meant, I pulled out the magic tankard of Kira’s from my pack. I prayed as I spoke the magic word, filling the tankard with a weak alcohol. Then I dumped in our strongest healing potion as Paulie pulled out the wand.

I lifted Aurora’s head and put the mug to her lips. She drank a small amount as Paulie cast the spell. The change was gradual, but began almost immediately. Soon, Aurora was completely healed. “The child will be fine as well,” a man’s voice said in my ear. “Give some to your friends as well, if you wish.”

I nodded and gave Lenntu a drink. His flesh began to return to normal as well. Lenn remained unaffected, so I went to Geo next. I offered him a drink and he declined. He seemed fascinated by the change, which had primarily affected his tentacles. Instead of suckers, he now had pointy hooks, like a Humboldt squid.

Only Geo would find the good in being mutated by an evil demon goddess. But it didn’t seem to have affected his personality, so I decided not to press the issue.

I returned to Aurora and gently woke her. She hugged me tight and cried. I had never seen her cry because of the pain, and I’ve seen her take some major injuries before. The pain she went through had to have been excruciating. Far beyond anything she had been through before.

I knew the feeling. I wanted to do the same, it had hurt so much. But I didn’t. I almost wasn’t strong enough for her, I could be strong now.

I also refrained from mentioning her “delicate condition”. It was likely far too early for her to have discovered, and I wanted to let her enjoy the experience. She’d only have her first pregnancy once.
While I held Aurora, I looked around the room and discovered another out of place verse among the rambling prayers scrawled on the wall.

“Each stone the grace of Seven Lords, one part of key each ruler hoards. If offered spells and proper prayer, take seven keys and climb the stair.” It sounded like if we went to the aforementioned lake, we would probably find a number of statues or otherwise marked stones. Casting spells of the proper school on each would activate a hidden receptacle and give us access to a key. It was a fairly common ‘access code’ used, I’d seen it before in other, smaller ruins, though I couldn’t remember seeing it required that one needed all seven schools before.

To say that I was intrigued would be a gross understatement.

Once everyone was healed, we moved down a hallway to the south. About fifteen feet in, the hallway opened into a chamber that had a number of signs of battle. There was blood everywhere, splattered higher than Lenn’s head on the wall, as if one of the victims had been taken straight out of a manga. We also found a number of small bones that showed teeth marks. Geo confirmed that the bones were humanoid – the missing guards, perhaps – and suspected that the teeth marks were from some kind of canine. We gathered up the few bones and put them in a sack for burial, or perhaps cremation.

Continuing on, we didn’t have to wait too long to find the creatures that had attacked the people. Someone had a kennel stocked with yeth hounds, fiendish canines from the evil planes granted to servants of evil entities. They were mildly dangerous, but the tight quarters worked to our advantage. Hit and run or flanking tactics wouldn’t work, so they were easy targets for Lenn, who seemed angrier than usual.

On the wall of the kennel, we found another verse. “On frozen mountain Xin awaits, his regal voice the yawning gates. Keys turn twice in sihedron, occulted Runeforge waits within.” It sounded like we went up a path from the lake to find the door for our keys, but it seemed vague without seeing it. I was sure it would make more sense when we got there.

The tunnels led to another chamber, with nothing within, at least to the naked eye. But my eyes weren’t naked, they were wearing their magic blue glow that indicated I could see magic auras. So I easily spotted the trap at the entrance to the mist-filled hallway to the north.

It was some kind of mind affecting trap. That much was sure. But what it did exactly, I don’t know. I didn’t need to. I was having trouble dispelling it, so Paulie placed a magic suppression field on the doorway and we walked right through.

A ways down, on the right side of the hallway was another chamber. Inside was the man who had scribbled all those prayers and strange verses on the wall. Lenntu had earlier nicknamed him “the Scribbler”. Sounded like a third tier Batman villain to me.

Didn’t fight like one, though. This was more like a fight with Bane, even if he wasn’t a big guy(for you).

This time, the tight quarters worked to our foe’s advantage and he resisted our magical flashbang, so things went pretty poorly initially. Several big wounds were taken just pushing into the room. If not for her adamantine armor, Aurora might have been incapacitated by a powerful blow at the beginning.

And that’s before you consider the magical trap within the room. It was a forbiddance field, likely attuned to Lamashtu’s alignment – Chaotic Evil, in case you’re wondering. It hurt Aurora and Lenntu the most. Geo partially resisted its effects. It would have likely had a lesser effect Lenn, who fully resisted anyway. Paulie and I took turns firing from the hallway, so we didn’t need to enter.

Our foe was fierce. It was not going our way, despite the numbers. And to make matters worse, I was having trouble hitting the Scribbler, since Geo was on the other side. And that’s before we consider his magical wards making it hard to see where to attack.

“Use your full fire option, Master Kyle!” Geo shouted.

“But then I’ll hit…” I started to respond, before realization finally set in. Right. Hitting Geo was irrelevant.

I popped around the corner and held down the trigger. Hot iron slugs tore through the bodies of our foe and our ally. When the gun was out of ammo, I reloaded and fired again. And again. Geo fell first. The Scribbler gave me a look. “You would sacrifice your friend to kill a foe?! Impressive!” He charged me, leaving himself open. Lenn buried his axe in the man’s back, felling him.

We tended the other wounds, while waiting for Geo to literally pull himself together. I went into the room. The pain was intense, but bearable compared to that from earlier. A few moments later, the spell had been dispelled and we could take stock of the chamber and the enemy.

Paulie knelt by the body. He reached out and carefully closed the man’s eyes. “Rest well, Xalassia,” he whispered. I couldn’t place which of his weird personalities had taken control now.

“You knew him?” Aurora asked.

“We grew up in the same town. His parents were devoted to the Peacock Spirit. I think they would be disappointed to learn he had joined the service of Lamashtu. I always suspected he would come to a bad end.”

“Shall we give him a proper funeral?” Lenntu asked.

“A pyre would be nice,” the tiefling said.

There was another body in the room as well, that of Corporal Jaren Basvear, a guard we had met before. Xalassia had kept him preserved, likely to use him for knowledge of the world above. There was no telling how long the man had been trapped down here. This was also supported by the fact that he had taken a number of notes along the walls, all about the situation in the rest of the world. An uncomfortable number of these mentioned us.

Additionally, there was a final verse. “And now you’ve come and joined the forge, upon rare lore your mind can gorge. When you slough the mortal way in Runeforge, long your work shall stay.” It sounded like little more than a closing stanza, but it seemed to hint at immortality for the denizens. The place would be dangerous in the extreme.

Once Geo was up, we revived the fallen corporal, who was incredibly grateful, though sad for the others who had fallen beyond our ability to raise. We then took the body of Xalassia up to the smashed Lamashtan altar, where we laid it.

I gave it the most spectacular pyre anyone has ever had, using thermite. Thermite cleanses all. And it would ensure that the other demon lord could find no fault with our thoroughness in the destruction of the altar. Then, in case he planned to hold us to our words in a more literal sense, I blew up the ashes. I did not want any fiend having anything to hold over us. I still wasn’t comfortable with Paulie having invoked him, but it was over and done. No use worrying for now.

We returned to the surface as heroes to Sandpoint once more and spent the rest of the day helping to seal the ruins for good.

That night, Aurora and I retired to our quarters and slept. Once more, I dreamt of another time and another place.

“Watch the claws, Old Crow!” I shouted at the wizard flying nearly fifty feet above us.

“Don’t worry about me! Just do your part!” the wizard, a man of thirty six who looked no older than twenty nine, grunted back.

“You’re going to need to move a bit to the left!” my twin brother Cedwin complained. He looked about seventeen, which suggested that I was also seventeen in this memory. “No! Your other left!” he shouted when the wizard went the wrong way. I giggled.

It wasn’t the reaction one would expect on such a deadly battlefield. The dragon we faced had destroyed two towns and seemed unstoppable. But the wizard had a plan. We would lay a trap. The dragon was said to be too strong for mortal weapons, so we would seal it in another plane of existence.

At last, the dragon, angered beyond reason by the wizard’s hit and run attacks, followed him into the proper spot. “Now!” the man called out.

Cedwin fired his catapult, launching a mithral chain weighted at either end with massive iron balls into the air. The hit was dead on. The bola tangled up around the dragon’s wings and sent it crashing to the ground.

Right into the center of the hidden mithral rune circle I had been tirelessly forging into the rock for seven straight days. I cut my hand. “By the offering of my blood, I command you! Bind the wyrm!” I wasn’t doing magic. Not really. I was just invoking the contract signed on my naming day.

A swarm of pixies carried chains of black metal attached to metal clasps, which they closed on the dragon’s limbs. The dragon roared in anger, sending the pixies fleeing in terror. Many of them cowered behind me.

I gently patted one on the head. “It’ll be okay. You did good,” I told her. She and the other pixies beamed.

“Do it, Storm Crow!” Cedwin called out.

The wizard landed. He carved the same runic symbol that was on the ground into his flesh using a sliver of the same mithral I had used to forge the circle. “By my life, I bind thee! So long as my soul remains on this world, you shall never return from the place of binding!” The dragon roared and attempted to attack him, but was held in place by the chains. “Begone! And trouble this world no more!”

The dual rune circles glowed and the dragon disappeared in a flash of light. The dozens of us there let out a cheer. “We did it!” I shouted, exultant. Lost in my excitement, I threw my arms around the wizard’s neck and kissed him.

He was shocked, but moments later he decided that he was fine with being kissed by a beautiful young maiden and returned the kiss. I felt his hand on my backside. A few moments later, we separated and I saw Cedwin staring at me, his mouth agape. “Umm, sister…”

“Not a word,” I said.

He shrugged. “Your secret is safe until Mom asks.”

“Coward.” I grinned at the wizard. “You’re not afraid like my brother, are you?”

“Any man who doesn’t fear your mother a little is a fool,” he said. “But courage is doing things in spite of fear, not because you lack it.”

“Doing things, you say?” My tone was flirty.

“And beautiful women.” He kissed me again, hungrily.

I was suddenly very warm. “You didn’t happen to prepare any teleportation magic today, did you?”

“Somewhere private?”

“VERY private.”

I woke up to find Kira “sitting” in a chair on the other side of the room. “I’m glad that dream didn’t go any further,” I said.

“You and me both.”

“Take it you aren’t going to tell me any more about all that yet?”

“Not yet. However, I will say that I was relieved when you swore off men after that lifetime. You’ve never had good taste in men. Anyway, I’m off to visit Samantha for a bit. Catch you in the morning.”

I grinned. “We’re going to find us a Runeforge.” And perhaps a bit more than that, though I didn’t know it at the time.


And thus begins chapter 5. Sorry this one took a while. Moving, weird work schedules(we've gone through three different people who would have covered my weekends!), and some other stuff killed my free time to work on this.

On an interesting note, apparently I'm going to Kyle's hometown in September. My grandfather passed away a few weeks ago(we've known it was coming for months) and they're doing the memorial at some kind of military cemetery there. So I'll know more about it than my previous quick look through Wikipedia and google maps told me.


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Ancient Legends

Spoiler:
Since the stanzas told us that we needed to go during the evening, we stuck around Sandpoint until late afternoon. That isn’t to say we loafed about. There was plenty of studying, training and crafting while we waited.

For myself, I focused on finishing Paulie’s suit of power armor. It wasn’t the same magitech marvel I had crafted for myself. He didn’t want anything too fancy. It was a simple animated suit of “Living Steel” enchanted to be capable of flight and projecting beams of energy at fairly short range.

A note on Living Steel: It’s a type of metal leeched from the ground by a type of tree that incorporates it into the system. When harvested and forged into a piece of gear, it retains living properties, capable of repairing itself, for instance.

I’ve also been unable to craft it from magicite or using blood magic. Which meant I had to buy all of it. That was painful. At least it’s not as expensive as adamantine and mithral.

Overall, the armor was pretty great. Paulie’s ability to use it to fly, however, needed work. Aurora and I played some air tag with him for about an hour, and he was terrible at changing direction. Given time, I’m sure he’ll get it.

My research uncovered some interesting tidbits about the Runeforge. Apparently it was warded so that no Runelord or their top agents could enter. Maybe it would make a good fallback position if things turned bad.

It was the place where research was most concentrated during the days of the Runelords. And it was filled with enchantments that would reduce the pace of aging and remove the need for food and sleep. If we were lucky, the researchers might still be there. We could pick their brains about their latest projects.

And that was of real importance. Apparently they had been researching ways for the Runelords to survive a coming apocalypse that promised to destroy the empire. And that meant it might hold the key to preventing Karzoug’s return.

The apocalypse they were referencing was the Starfall, when a large asteroid hit the planet and plunged it into darkness for some time. Somehow, they had learned it was coming and had tried to prepare. Based on what I knew of the Runelords, I get the feeling it never occurred to them to just teleport to Castrovel with a number of their retainers and return after a dozen or so years. It also seems to not have occurred to them to make their own Runeforges to chill in during the apocalypse. Because why go with the simple solution when you could overcomplicate things massively?

It’s like these people have never read the Evil Overlord List.

I also spent a little time researching the lake. Apparently it was at the base of the Rimeskull mountain, which was a mountain carved like a skull. Or so it seemed nowadays. In truth, it had been carved with the visage of the former emperor Xin, but the Runelords had been too lazy to imbue it with magical protections against the effects of time they had put on monuments with their own faces. Vanity, thy name is Runelord.

<Says the man who spends more time on his hair each day than anyone he knows.>
<Hush, you.>

At the back of my mind, there was a nagging suspicion that I had heard more about Rimeskull before, but I just couldn’t recall what it was. I pushed the thought aside. How important could it really be if I couldn’t recall it?

<Dead man walking.>
<Yeah, it was like I’d triggered a flag just by thinking that one.>

When the time came, I prepared magic for as many situations as possible, scryed on the lake and teleported us out there. The weather was chilly, but the heat radiating from the hot springs helped a bit. Well, I say that, but with my amulet, it’s not like I felt any of it. But Aurora assures me that was what it was like.

It wasn’t hard to find the monuments. They were ten foot tall stone heads and were staring at each other. I recognized a couple of the Runelords from sketches and monuments I had seen before. Paulie filled in the rest. It was definitely the place.

The stone head of Sorshen, Runelord of Lust, looked like it had been damaged. Kira had some horribly lewd ideas as to what caused the damage, but I’ve decided not to repeat them here.

<You’re no fun.>

Activating the first statue was easy – so were the others, I didn’t need more than a cantrip or minor spell for each of them – a quick cast and the head screamed. Yeah, screamed. No, I don’t know why either. Then a key appeared in its mouth, which I grabbed before moving on to the next one.

After the second head, I began getting this nagging feeling that we were being watched, but I couldn’t spot anyone nearby. After a few moments, I shrugged it off and moved to the next head. And the next. And the next. I managed to get the last key in my pocket just before the dragon attacked.

Oh, right. That’s what I had been forgetting.

Shoanti legends tell of a dark time, several hundred years ago, when a massive white dragon known as Arkrhyst would swoop down from its home on Rimeskull. It was said to kidnap people, sheep and even adult cows to devour. It would also raid Shoanti settlements to steal valuable things for its hoard.

Then one day, roughly two hundred years ago, it suddenly stopped coming. It was thought that someone had killed it and had died before being able to return and claim credit. Others posited that the dragon was simply in a long hibernation. Occam’s Razor suggests that since you have to suppose less, the latter was more likely.

Well, it was apparently true. We had woken up the dragon and it was really cranky. I really, really hate Occam's Razor sometimes.

The dragon did a sweep at us with its breath. We dodged, but the statues didn’t. I could hear the stone creaking at the sudden cold. Terrified by the possibility of feedback if the spell foci were destroyed, I called for everyone to get away from the small plateau and make for a nearby stand of trees.

Paulie fired a salvo of special arrows containing small flasks of alchemist’s fire while Aurora and I unleashed barrages from our firearms. Geo and Lenntu also fired a couple shots, though their weapons lacked the penetrating power of guns and the bevy of enchantments present on Paulie’s bow. Lenn just waited until the dragon got close enough to hit.

“It’s just going to run away,” I warned the others. “We have to find a way to bring it down here or we’ll have to keep an eye out behind us for its next attack.”

“What if we hit it like those girls hit the Nevermore?” Aurora asked.

She was already coming up with ideas based on episodes of RWBY? God, I was so turned on at that moment. “Think you can finish it in one hit?”

“Not me,” she said, indicating Lenn with a nod of her head.

Oh, this could work. It was completely insane. But it could work. “Keep firing. I’ll make the cord we’ll need.” I cut my palm and unleashed the magic, fabricating a thick elastic cord in my hand. “Those two trees! Double up on it!” I said, indicating some nearby trees.

“On it!” Aurora said. She took Geo and the two Lenns with her. I instructed Paulie to keep firing, to try to slow down the dragon. Meanwhile, I cast a number of enchantments on myself. There was only a limited field where the slingshot could fire. It would be my job to get the dragon where we needed it. And I knew exactly how to do it.

You could say that the idea came to me in a dream.

Now, I’m not an expert on dragons, but I’ve studied them. They’re strong, fast and highly resistant to magic. They’re also generally vain and prideful. Specifically, this told me two sets of things. First of all, it would be faster than me. I couldn’t rely on my ability to outfly it on the straight. I had to use my size and lesser inertia to my advantage. I could turn much faster than it could. I could weave through smaller openings. If I failed to use that, I would die. With my combination of spells, it would be a bit more than twice my speed. That was the stakes there. Time would not be on my side.

Now, I’m not a great flyer. But I’m good enough and I had some technological advantages I could call on. But again, it would only be a matter of time before he caught me. I had to out think a creature whose species was known for being highly intelligent.

The second thing I could count on was being able to use my knowledge to piss it off. The Shoanti tell a tale of the one time they managed to chase Arkrhyst off. It was a trap by an ancient hero whose name I hadn’t learned. But that wasn’t important. The fact that the dragon had run would be enough.

I loaded my gun with a special magazine. The first bullet in it was highly enchanted and would buy me the head start I would need. It would also really tick the dragon off.

“VI,” I said. “Play the instrumental version of ‘Ragnar the Red’ over speakers.”

“Acknowledged.” It was time to sing.

“Theeerrrreee once was a dragon named Arkrhyst the White,
With a face like a cow turd and a huge overbiiiitteee!
A coward in battle, he fled to be sure,
When a fair fight erupted at a place now obscure!
So laugh at this dragon, once more forced to flee,
When it becomes apparent he’ll never catch me!”

The dragon roared and wheeled about, flying straight at me. I took aim, prepared to fire as soon as I could be sure I’d hit. The bullet I was using was extremely expensive and I only had one of them. If I missed, I was pretty much screwed.

But I didn’t miss. The horrible little bullet buried itself into the flesh of the dragon’s chest, just above where a human would have a collarbone. And that’s when the real horror of the thing began.

You see, the bullet was enchanted to burrow around in the flesh of its target, like a steel worm eating through a corpse. The damage it does is surprisingly minimal, but the pain is intense. It makes it hard to concentrate on what you’re doing. In my estimation, this is a very good thing if what you’re doing is trying to kill me.

I would have anywhere from eighteen to thirty six seconds where I would be faster than the dragon. After that, the bullet would go inert and the dragon would regain its focus, which I’m sure would be on nothing so much as killing me.

Of course, I was generally against that sort of thing, so I bolted off into the sky.

The dragon chased me as I darted through obstacles, getting face fulls of tree branches in the process. It was really ticking him off. Which was good, in my perspective. The bullet running its course in roughly twenty seconds, on the other hand, was bad.

“VI, activate maneuvering jets!” I had installed jump jets in my power armor, which were also designed to be used as stabilizing thrusters for flight. ‘Jets’ isn’t quite the right word. They’re more like gravitic repulsors. Yep, artificial gravity. But ‘Jump Jets’ is a phrase that has meaning to me, and this means that’s what I’ll call them.

The sudden activation threw off my movement pretty heavily. It didn’t help that the VI didn’t compensate for current motion by unevenly activating the left and right side jets. I was getting really tired of its inability to anticipate new needs. I flipped the jets over to manual operation and corrected my spin.

I glanced at the progress the others had made. They needed at least another minute. I wasn’t sure I had a minute, but I resolved to do what I could. Angling right, I sped towards a rocky outcropping. From my belt pouch, I drew a sticky grenade. Yes, sticky grenade. They worked for Gribbletoo during the battle of Valor’s Triumph, and they’d work for me.

I tossed the grenade onto the narrowest point of the outcropping. The dragon, only a few seconds behind me, was treated to a blast of debris, which slowed it down and bought me more time. I then made straight for the side of the mountain.

Without removing it from my belt, I activated another grenade. Thick smoke poured out behind me, making it hard for the dragon to judge the distance to the stone wall. I’m sure the dragon realized what I was doing and had already taken measures to avoid full on collision. But I wasn’t really trying to get it to slam into the wall. I mean, it would have been hilarious if it had happened, but it wasn’t my primary goal, at least.

I pulled another sticky grenade from my belt as I neared the wall. I armed it and then just dropped it, letting the momentum carry it forward before veering right. I had cut it close, actually having to run along the wall before kicking off in the opposite direction. Meanwhile, Arkrhyst had slowed enough to only lightly tap the wall. He was also right there when the incendiary grenade exploded.

Let me tell you something about white dragons. They really, REALLY don’t like fire.

Arkrhyst roared in anger and I answered with a hearty, mocking laugh and another salvo from my gun before putting all the juice possible to my jump jets and shooting off in the other direction. I was desperately hoping the others would be ready when I got there.

I sped through the dissipating smoke cloud. When I came out the other side, I could see that they were almost ready. I just needed to stay ahead of the dragon and lure him to the target zone. Aurora and Starbrite would have Lenn loaded up and ready to go when it was time.

This, of course, was easier said than done. Newton’s laws gave me some edges, but even when dealing with acceleration equaling force divided by mass, a sufficient force will override a mass advantage in relation to acceleration. And strong with the force, dragons are.

I was less than ten feet ahead of the dragon when I heard him begin taking a deep breath. Managing not to panic – if only just – I popped my parachute and immediately hit the release. The next few seconds were a blur.

The first thing that happened was that the dragon inhaled my parachute and began coughing. The second thing that happened was that Arkhryst, continuing on his flight forward, crossed the point where Aurora would need to launch Lenn. Third, Aurora cut the rope, launching Lenn. Fourth, the dragon lost altitude. Not much, but enough.

Lenn sailed through the air, his axe biting into the dragon’s wing instead of its side. It wasn’t a clean blow, and the axe got stuck. The damage caused the dragon to spiral out of control, dragging Lenn with him.

In all the time I’ve known Lenn, I’ve never heard him curse. Oh, he uses crude language, but always in a jovial manner. And he sputters in rage all the time, but somehow never curses then, favoring simple, declarative statements like “I’ll kill you!” and “That makes me angry!”.

That’s why, in spite of everything, I was surprised when I heard Lenn utter a simple, unadorned curse. “Shit.”

I spun back, and watched in horror as Lenn and the dragon spiraled down towards the plateau containing the statues. The damaged statues. The statues I was afraid might explode if they were damaged further. The statues I was sure would go up in a chain reaction if even one of them went off.

They crashed into the statue of Sorshen.

“Stars and stripes forever,” I said, in the most PG curse I’ve ever uttered. I don’t even remember saying it, but the VI must have heard me say it, because suddenly it started playing. So it was that it was playing when this whole farce reached its conclusion.

Sorshen exploded. Blue lightning cascaded through the plateau. Next was Zutha, who exploded in orange lightning. Then Belimarius in green and Xanderghul in violet. Krune erupted teal and Alaznist red. Finally Karzoug exploded in yellow. And again, this was all to the tune of “Stars and Stripes Forever”, because my life is apparently a farce.
Arkrhyst died instantly. I say that because there was no more dragon anywhere on the plateau. We did find bits and pieces of him embedded in nearby rocks, dirt and trees. We even heard later that there was a shepherd tending his flock on a hillside halfway to Riddleport who lost a sheep to a flying bit of dragon bone.

We expected Lenn to be in the same situation. After all, it effectively vaporized the dragon. There was no way Lenn could have survived that. We were going to have to find a small piece of his corpse and pay for a full resurrection. Those don’t come cheap.

However, Lenn is… sort of like the Orks from Warhammer. Things happen if he believes in them. And if he doesn’t, they either don’t touch him or at the least have a reduced effect. So, to our not quite complete surprise, when the dust settled, there stood Lenn. He was certainly injured. His body was covered in char marks and Lichtenburg figures. But he was still standing, looking more annoyed than in pain.

His clothing and gear, however, don’t seem to have the same property. His clothes were just gone. There was nothing left. His armor was a charred wreck. I could repair it magically, but it would take at least an hour, even with my strongest spells. Only his axe was still serviceable, likely protected to some degree by its heavy enchantments. It would still require some repair, but I could do that in a matter of minutes.

I had the time. It would take Geo a few minutes to get him to believe that healing potions would fix him up and another couple minutes for him to put on some new clothes, which he would have to borrow from Lenntu.

Speaking of Lenntu, he wasn’t surprised at all. In fact, he was focused on something else. “Hey, Geo, buddy. I think you may have made a mistake when you cloned me.”

“Oh, how so?”

“It’s just…there seem to be some anatomical inconsistencies, is all. A few things are not quite to the same scale as the original.” For the next couple hours, this sent my wife into bouts of snickering any time she thought no one was looking.

Lenn insisted we press on, even without his armor, so we headed up a set of giant carved stairs that led up to where the dragon had come from. Either it was where we needed to go, or the dragon had its hoard there. Either way, worth the trip.

On the way up, we encountered a pair of elder earth elementals. They hadn’t reckoned on fighting people who could fly and use guns, so they had almost as bad a day as Arkrhyst. And no one had to blow up to kill them, so that was a bonus.

Whoever had created this path was a stickler for the old, tired clichés that unimaginative wizards think impress everyone. We had to make our way across an invisible walkway – that I could easily see thanks to my magic sight – and up an invisible ramp – which I could also see.

I mean, maybe the whole idea was new ten thousand years ago. But nowadays, it’s like shag carpeting. Yeah, everyone thought it was the cool thing to have once, but now we all just look back and shake our heads at those people’s lack of taste.

At least it amused Lenn. “Heh. The floor’s invisible.” Whatever it took for him to believe it was there. I didn’t want to have to carry him because he didn’t believe in a floor.

At the top of the ramp was the entrance to a cave. Following the tunnel inside, we came to a chamber with seven exits and seven pillars covered in ice. In the center was a sigil of a sihedron. Houston, we’ve found the entrance to the Runeforge.

There was more thing in the chamber. Well, it was many things, but it was one collection. A hoard, really. A dragon’s hoard, most likely. And it was massive. Tens of thousands of coins and various artifacts. “It’ll take me a couple hours to break this down into magicite,” I told the others. “Shall we take a rest so I can work on that?” I covertly pointed at Lenn while looking at Aurora and Geo.

“That’s a good idea,” Aurora agreed.

“Yes,” Geo said. “I have something I want to work on, too.”

“Okay,” Lenn acceded. “Not enough fights today, though.”

“It’s okay,” Aurora said. “We can do some sparring while the others work.”

He brightened up at that. “Okay.”

“So, where do we set up the tents?” Geo asked. “Main chamber, or a side tunnel?”

I gave him a sly grin. “Tents? What do you take me for? Some kind of pleb?”

“What’s a pleb?”

Sigh. “Ignore that. The important part is that we’re going to be sleeping in beds tonight.” I struck a dramatic pose and cast a spell. A portal opened before me. “BEHOLD THE WIZARD! BEWARE HIS POWERS! UNSPEAKABLE POWERS!”

Aurora slapped my ass. “You’re such a dork,” she said lovingly.

“That’s LORD DORK, MOST POWERFUL to you!” I quipped. “Come, minions! Carry our filthy lucre into the mansion!” To show I was just playing, I slid the portable hole under the largest pile of loot and carried it in myself.

On the other side of the portal was a mansion that looked like it belonged in some kind of science fiction game. The floors were polished concrete, the walls were made of metal and there were tasteful art objects interspersed throughout in a minimalist style. The building itself was massive, with more than enough space for over a hundred and fifty guests. Elevators, escalators and stairs offered paths between the floors. Soft music played in all the common areas from hidden speakers.

More than two dozen nearly transparent human and asari servants dressed in black and violet Federation style uniforms – late DS9, of course – stood ready to assist us.

“My companions are bringing treasure through the portal. Aid them in carrying it to my workshop. Then show them to VIP quarters on the third level so they may shower and have their clothing cleaned. Instruct them on usage of all the facilities. We shall sup in two hours.”

The servants gave a small bow and got to work.

About half an hour later, thanks to the use of shovels and the portable hole, all the loot was in the building. Geo reported that the other tunnels were all empty. It made sense, since not much would want to live near a cranky dragon.

I took Aurora up to our penthouse suite and we took a quick shower and a long, luxurious bath in the hot tub, looking up at the starry skies – an illusion – through the ‘skylight’ above. The stars looked as they would from Earth, specifically from my memories of the skies during a camping trip I went on when I was nine. She enjoyed learning about the constellations.

For dinner, we were served a veritable banquet of fast food and ridiculous restaurant fare by a magical servant that looked vaguely like Gordon Ramsay. Geo dined on some ridiculously spicy vindaloo. Lenntu had one of those seventy two ounce steak challenges, topped with shrimp and grits. Paulie ate some fish and chips. Lenn was served a German sampler platter and a Happy Meal on the side.

Hand to God, he still has the toy somehow. I didn’t think anything could be taken out of the temporary mansion except for what you brought in and food you had eaten, but somehow Lenn still has his wind up race car.

Even though we didn’t need to eat, Aurora and I joined in. I had three delicious Doritos Locos tacos and a side of those cinnamon thingies. Aurora ate a triple Baconator, a baked potato, a plate of nachos and a chicken nuggets Happy Meal. She also has her toy, a My Little Pony figure of Shining Armor, which she kept because he reminds her of Starbrite. Apparently my magic hands out Happy Meal toys based on gender just like back home. Oh, I almost forgot, we all had some ice cream. Red White and Bluebell for me, because ‘Murica.

I decided not to comment on Aurora’s sudden incredible hunger. I may have grinned like an idiot as soon as no one was looking at this new confirmation on suspicions, though.

Cast from inside the extraplanar space, my workshop spell didn’t create a new space so much as convert the existing one and populate it with workers. I set them to work breaking down the loot to magicite while I set to the task of repairing Lenn’s armor.

A while later, Aurora came by the workshop. She put her finger to her lips and motioned for me to follow. Intrigued, I did so. I don’t think I’ll ever forget what I saw.

Lenn was playing on the escalator. Seeing the big man just letting go with child-like abandon did me some good. It’s the simple things in life, really. And he wasn’t the only one. Paulie was trying to plank between the two escalators and Geo was intently trying to figure out how they worked through observation.

I got a horrible idea. I grabbed a bit of magicite, did a little math in my head and fabricated something. I took the elevator up and motioned Geo over. Then I set the Slinky – the exact right size and composition for the task – off down the up escalator. That would keep Geo busy for a while.

Aurora took Lenn to go spar and I returned to the workshop to begin work on something important. It was something that had been needed for a while, but that I had finally decided to do something about after failures today.

Simply put, the VIs were no longer good enough. I had to make something better. I had the computing power. I had the knowledge. I just needed to do it.

Typing was too slow, so I created a telepathic interface, once more using magitech as a shortcut due to my limited time. That would allow me to program and compile at the speed of thought. And I could think rather quickly. I could even use my ability to multitask to program multiple sections at once.

Nonetheless, it took hours. Seven, in fact. I’m vaguely aware of Aurora coming by and rubbing my shoulders, but at no point did I stop working. Programming for qbits is an interesting experience. Programming multiple segments of said code simultaneously with nothing but your mind is nothing less than trippy.

I had lost such track of time that I have no idea how long Aurora had been there when she finally said something. “Kyle, you’ve worked enough. Come to bed,” she chided.

I smiled. “Okay. I just finished.”

“What is it you’ve made?”

I gave her a mysterious look. “Watch.” I plugged the quantum computer into my powered armor and activated it.

The suit stood at attention and a feminine voice spoke. “Booting. All processors…nominal. Data inputs…nominal. All systems appear to be running within ninety-seven percent of peak efficiency. Creator, please state your request.”

Aurora let out a whistle, clearly impressed. “What is that?”

“Something glorious,” I said. “Juiz. I want you to review all documentation related to your hardware as well as go over all fictional programming stored within your core to study ways I may use the suit’s systems. Additionally, begin running simulations and tests to properly familiarize yourself with all current capabilities. You have two and a half hours to work while I get some rest.”

The suit looked at me for a moment. “Understood. Noblesse Oblige. I pray for your continued services as a savior.”

As I stood there, listening to the words of Earth's first fully functional AI, I couldn’t help but grin.


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Into the Runeforge

Spoiler:
I followed Aurora from the workshop and found Geo in the common area, still contemplating the Slinky. “Geo, buddy, get some sleep.”

“I have slept while still watching this device.”

“Oookay…”

“I must know how it works.”

“I’ll write up the math behind it for you later if you’ll just go to bed.”

“Understood.” He didn’t seem to be moving. Well, I tried.

I had more dreams about my previous life. What was going on was unclear, but it was another dream about combat. I was standing with that same wizard among an army that was facing off against another large army. I want to say that someone near me yelled something about “Driving back the Saxons”, but things were far too chaotic to really understand.

That seemed important, though. In the back of my mind, I knew that fighting against the Saxons meant something – alluded to something I had read before, but I couldn’t quite recall. And Kira wasn’t exactly forthcoming with information as to why.

<Oh, stop whining. You found out later that day.>
<Yeah, and it was a hell of a way to find out.>

I woke up to the sound of illness. Aurora wasn’t feeling well. Very loudly. “What’s wrong?” I asked, standing in the doorway to the restroom.

“I got up and stepped outside to get some exercise, but there was a smell outside and it made me sick.”

“I’ll look into it.” I stepped outside and was greeted by the delectable smells of cooking meat. Oh, I see.

I headed down to the kitchen to find Lenntu making some bacon, pork chops and eggs. “Want some?” he asked.

“No thanks,” I replied. “Where’s the servant who runs the kitchen?”

“He kept yelling at me about my cooking, so I sent him away.”

“I see. I’ll go find him, I need him to make something for me.”

“Before you go, I have two questions, if you have a moment.”

“Shoot.”

“After the dragon fight, I have come to the conclusion that we need more ranged weaponry. Will you make a weapon for me, preferably something I can use both at close and medium range? And make it big, so I can hit things with it?”

I remembered his dismay the previous day at seeing the original Lenn naked. “Big, huh? Compensating for something?” Look, I tried to stop myself from saying it. But I’m a bad, bad man.

“Yes, our lack of ranged weapons.” If he had caught my joke, he wasn’t showing any sign of it.

“Fair enough. I can do that, but probably not until we rest for the night. Second question?”

“Do you know when it was I learned to cook? I don’t remember learning it.”

I shrugged. “I had assumed it was something you picked up before the accident. Guess not.” After that, I left and ran down the spectral Gordon Ramsay and gave him my order before heading back up to our room.

Aurora was lying on the floor with a wet washcloth on her face, looking miserable. “So what was it?”

“Just meat,” I said. “Your stomach must not have been used to the food you had last night. I’m having something brought up that should settle your stomach.” It was a lie, but it was a small one. She would have to get used to being away from meat for a couple months, or whatever the first trimester was for her biology.

“Good, I’m starving.” She gave me a pained look. “I don’t think this magic ring is working anymore.”

“I’ll take a look later,” I promised.

A short while later, spectral Gordon brought up a plate covered by a cloche. He opened it to reveal an assortment of foods and a small glass of ginger ale. At my insistence, Aurora started by sipping the ginger ale and eating the lemon sorbet, then followed it up with the carrot, spinach, kale and walnut salad. After that was a couple pieces of whole grain toast.

My mother had eaten similar breakfasts when pregnant with my youngest sister, Maggie. I don’t know why they had worked for her, but they had. I knew that meat, especially the smell of it, would trigger a reaction, so it had to be avoided for now. I made a mental note to stock up on safer foods next time we were in town. But I could also conjure up another temporary magic mansion every day to get her what she needed. It was a very powerful spell and took some effort, but she was worth it.

Breakfast done, we met with everyone and returned back to the outside world. I collapsed the mansion behind us and we began activating the entrance to the Runeforge. After turning all seven keys, a portal appeared in the center of the frozen cathedral.

Inside the portal, we found ourselves in a short hallway. Once the last of us had entered, the portal closed behind us, leaving a dead end where it had stood. So we followed the hallway out to a central chamber.

There were seven other hallways leading out of the chamber. At its center was a circular pool filled with a bubbly, prismatic liquid. I had read about it. This was the Runeforge, a powerful tool for crafting wondrous works, both magical and non-magical. I would have loved to have weeks just to study it, but we didn’t have that kind of time. Still, as I stared into the water, I couldn’t help myself. I reached out and touched it.

That was probably a mistake.

My mind was filled with swirling visions of events that had been, events that were happening at that very moment, and events that might happen in the future. I grasped and tried to hold on to the visions, but I could only retain two sets.

The first was a series of visions of knights and other soldiers dressed all in black, from full plate to light chain with a black cloak. But instead of filling me with dread, each and every one filled me with hope and pride. Kira seemed amused by it, but wouldn’t elaborate.

The second set of visions was of events that had happened very recently, perhaps only a few days prior, when the earthquakes had flared up in Varisia. Or perhaps a bit further back, a little before we had come to Sandpoint for the first time. But certainly no less recent. It was likely within the bounds of those two points.

It started when the Runeforge itself “rebooted”, for lack of a better term. The denizens of the Runeforge had stirred from their daily doldrums and returned to a flurry of activity. I suspected that the event had happened when Karzoug had begun awakening.

It was the lords of Envy that had moved first. They attempted to seize the Runeforge and wall away the other halls from accessing it. The others had reacted poorly, and the lords of Envy were no more, destroyed by a very temporary coalition of the others.

When I returned from the vision, I shared this with the others and we made a decision. If the halls of Envy were empty, we’d go there first. Hopefully we could find something useful there to help us against the lords of the other halls.

Lenn walked into the hallway first. Immediately, his face perked up, like he’d just gotten an endorphin hit or his favorite song had just come on the radio. “I like this place!” he roared.

Most of us had an opposite reaction. I can’t speak for the others, but the whole place felt a little wrong, like I was out of my element. Paulie didn’t seem to be having any reaction at all. I began having suspicions, but would need more data to confirm.

We hadn’t stepped in more than a few feet when a giant, floating, illusory mouth appeared. “STOP! These are the Abjurant Halls of Eager Striving! Know that your powers will be crushed and you shall die! You are not worthy!” Yeah, like we hadn’t heard that before.

We ignored the mouth and continued on, finding a chamber that was empty aside from what I thought looked like a Rod of Cancellation – an extremely dangerous tool capable of completely eradicating the magic in a single item – embedded in the floor. What was more, it appeared to be broken. Sparks were jumping here and there throughout the room. I held everyone back and we observed for a few moments.

As I suspected, the broken rod unleashed a disjunctive pulse. Had any of us been in there, it is quite possible all that magic gear I had created could have been destroyed. That offended me on a deep level. “One moment,” I told the others. “I’ll be right back.” Honestly, we could have waited for the next pulse and rushed through the room safely. But something about the whole thing just rubbed me the wrong way. No. We were dealing with this now.

I entered the Runeforge chamber and reached into my bag, withdrawing a small, lead lined case. From within that, I retrieved a lump of noqual, a transparent green metal known for its anti-magic properties. The Runeforge was meant for crafting. Let’s see what it could do.

I shoved the lump of noqual into the prismatic waters, but this time fought the visions. I focused my will upon the water through my touch and began to feel the noqual soften, as though I had heated it in a proper forge. Using my bare hands, I spun and shaped the metal into a long test tube-esque shape, a fair bit larger than the exposed rod. Then, once more focusing my will, I commanded the metal to harden.

Once I had retrieved my work from the water, the effort of suppressing the visions came back to hit me pretty hard. Waves of nausea washed over me. Aurora caught me before I could fall to my knees. “You okay?” she asked, worry creasing her brow.

“I’m fine,” I said. She continued frowning at me. “Don’t make that face, you’ll get wrinkles.” I laughed and she laughed with me.

Returning to the rest of the group, I pulled Geo aside. “Do you have any strong glue?” He nodded. “Good. I need you to take off whatever magic items you can safely remove, then carefully put this over that rod and glue the top to the floor.”

“I can do that. You take a break. You don’t look so well.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Geo waited for the next pulse, then moved in, quickly and deliberately, but also quite carefully. In a matter of moments, it was done and I felt a lot better.

Truth was, the use of noqual was probably unnecessary. Glass would likely have done the job of blocking the pulse’s line of effect. But this stuff was as hard as steel and, as mentioned before, had anti-magic properties. It would easily contain the bursts.

We continued down the far hall and came to a room with a pool. Inside the pool was a mercury-like metal. I studied it for a bit. It was impressive stuff. I was reasonably certain I could use it in fashioning magic items like I did with magicite. I remembered seeing a reference to this in one of the books from the library, but I couldn’t quite recall the name.

I didn’t have to. Paulie did it for me. “Ethillion!” he breathed. Yeah, that was it. It was capable of leeching the magic from enchanted items for use in crafting other items. All in all, it was nowhere near as efficient as magicite, but you didn’t have to be exceptional and amazing to make the stuff. You just needed to know how, which in and of itself was a lost art.

“I’d like a vial of that to study,” Geo said.

“Agreed,” I replied. “Whatever’s left after that goes in a big bottle for crafting?” The others agreed, even if they were uncertain what it was.

We came to a room filled with a foul, probably poisonous gas. Obviously, I was completely fine, up until the fire nation – err, I mean, mustard jelly – attacked. It had become fiendish, likely absorbing dark magics on its way into this room, likely via a crack in the wall.

It came for me first. Aurora intercepted it, which might have been a mistake. It suddenly pulsed black and began striking her with fiendish energy. Every time she and Lenn slashed, the damn thing split. Which was perfectly fine by me.

I pulled a grenade from my belt pouch. “Fire in the hole!” I shouted, lobbing it into the room. Lenn and Aurora withdrew quickly. All eight oozes turned to paste in the blast.

Grenades are just so much more effective in tight quarters with multiple targets. :D

Once the ooze was gone, the cloud cleared up quickly. So we searched the room. Geo found a hidden panel, behind which were several major healing potions. Aurora ended up needing to drink all of them. So net profit for that room: Negative one grenade.

The path into the rest of the ‘Abjurant Halls of Eager Striving’ was blocked by a collapsed ceiling, so we returned to the Runeforge Chamber. “Where next?” Aurora asked.

“Greed?” Lenntu suggested.

“That makes sense,” I said with a nod. “That is our primary enemy here. Might as well start by learning their secrets.”

Lenn was once more the first one in the hallway. “Don’t like it here!” he said. Great, he’d be in a foul mood. The others similarly seemed disconcerted, though Paulie once more seemed unaffected. I, on the other hand, found the place truly oppressive. I absolutely did not want to be there. If it hadn’t been for all the practice not panicking I’d had recently, I probably would have started hyperventilating.

Aurora put her hand on my shoulder. I nodded that I’d be okay. But the sooner we got this done with, the better. I did what I could to try to ignore that sense of dread.

Down the hall, we found a massive steel door studded with jewels. It was so obviously a trap that I didn’t even need my magic sight to call that out. Geo agreed, pointing out a secret door just a bit down the hallway.

Curiosity got the better of me, and I pulled out a wand from my pack, using it to conjure a semi-corporeal servant. “Go poke the big metal door,” I commanded. The servant did as I said and was immediately crushed as the wall shot out and slammed against the opposing wall. Moments later, gears grinded as the whole thing reset itself.

Obviously, this was a trap intended for someone who had never played a video game.

The hidden door opened into a further hallway filled with a sickly violet fog. “Give me a moment,” I told the others. With my magic necklace, the fog couldn’t harm me, so I walked right through it, looking for some kind of deactivation mechanism. “Nothing. Let me study its properties.” I scanned it with my magic sight. “Ouch. This stuff is brutal. We definitely want to overcome the barrier rather than try to push through it.” I didn’t tell them that this stuff would forcibly transform them into some kind of animal if they succumbed to it. They didn’t need to know how bad it would be.

“Any suggestions?” Geo asked.

“I can disperse it or temporarily dispel its magic. You’ll only have a few seconds, at best as many as twenty, to get through. It’s a fairly short run and then open air.”

“Let’s go with dispersing it,” Aurora said. “So we can better see where we’re running.”

“Got it,” I said. I took up a spot between them and the fog. “As soon as I cast, run through.”

I cast the spell and a gust of wind blasted away the fog. The others ran through. I waited where I was in case I needed to cast my prepared dispel to suppress any reforming fog. Thankfully it was unneeded. I strolled through and caught up with the others.

Lenn, bored, had already pushed ahead. We moved to catch up with him, and found him conversing with a group of water mephits – non-evil imp-like creatures associated with certain elements – who were swimming around in a pool. They were negotiating something when I arrived.

“Four sausages for information about bad wizards here,” Lenn said, finalizing their agreement. He doled out the snacks. “Now talk!” The mephits told us to be careful of the bad man made of silver who came and cast hurtful spells at them every few days. They also told us that they hadn’t seen anyone else around the place in days.

We continued on. The mephits seemed to want to be left alone and they weren’t really a threat to us, so we pressed forward down one of the hallways into a room with another fountain. Fountains and pools seem to be a bit of a thing in the Runeforge, I was beginning to notice.

At the center of the fountain was a statue of a wizard. I didn’t recognize him, nor did I have much time to contemplate him, because that’s when the statue came to life. Because of course it was secretly a stone golem. Why wouldn’t it be?

The first golem went down in a few seconds. I say first because others stormed in from other rooms. One had apparently stomped through the mephits’ pool, because they were clinging to and attacking it. It was pretty comical, I must admit.

During the destruction of the last one, I noticed a pulse of magic when it died that looked similar to the aura of magic from the fog. Perhaps they were somehow tied to it? And there was something more. In the fountain was a number of goldfish. When the last golem died, a few of them transformed into people!

Apparently they had been a group of adventurers who had stumbled into the Runeforge several centuries before and had been transformed by the fog. They had been trapped as goldfish for that entire time. We asked if they wanted to join us, but they declined. They wouldn’t be able to leave the place, because their cleric had died, so we agreed to teleport them out when we were done, and directed them to the Halls of Envy or whatever the Thassilonians had called them. I gave them strict instructions not to mess with the noqual jar.

As we continued along, we found a bunch of chambers laced with fabrication magic. Anyone inside who could focus the magic could easily transform any set of materials into any object they knew how to make, but as soon as you left the room, it would break down into components again. It was the crafter’s version of masturbation: fun, I guess, but ultimately less than satisfying.

We continued on into a library. Immediately upon entering, we were struck by a field of reversed gravity and fell to the ceiling. While all the furniture was anchored, several books, not on shelves, fell to the ceiling with us. “MONSTER!” I shouted reflexively. No one messes with books and lives, yo.

A disintegration beam hit Paulie, hurting him a lot. The caster was invisible, but I could see all of his magic auras. And I had a plan. “Prepare to fall,” I warned Aurora in English. She unsheathed her wings. The second the flying enemy got close enough, I unleashed a very powerful counter I had prepared against the enemy wizards I figured would be encountered within the Runeforge. With Paulie hurt, I figured this was the best time to do it.

A field of antimagic erupted around me, nullifying all spells in a ten foot radius, though not touching things like Aurora’s wings. We fell, and so did our enemy, who was now visible. Aurora carefully glided down and Juiz activated my jump jets to stabilize my fall. Our foe, on the other hand, didn’t fall nearly as well. He slammed into the corner of the table and fell prone.

We finally got a good look at him. His skin was made of mithral. Not that it did him any good. We surrounded his prone form and tore into him in a flurry of bullets and blades while Paulie stepped away from us to heal up. I almost felt sorry for the bastard, but then the artificial gravity wore off and the books on the ceiling fell down. So I shot him twice in the head at point blank range.

I looked around the library. That could take hours, even for me. But I didn’t have to do it. “Juiz, disengage the armor and remain here. Scan and record all books and prepare a report on any solutions the Lords of Greed found regarding the fall of Thassilon.”

“Understood. Noblesse oblige.” I held out my arms to the side and my power armor removed itself from me. Juiz began getting to work on her task and I cast a spell to protect me without the power armor.

On the dead wizard’s body was his spellbook. I only comment on it because it was a mess. It was like the man kept forgetting where he was as he was writing down the spells. I was having doubts about his capabilities. I could only hope it was his predecessor who wrote the books on their previous efforts.

Beyond the library was a room filled with what appeared to be golden statues. But as we got closer to one of them, it became apparent that these had originally been people. Men and women who had been alive when someone had coated them in molten gold.

Ancient Thassilon deserved to die. Of that, I was certain.

From the shadows of the ceiling descended a corpulent nalfeshnee, a demon of greed. “Stay your blades,” he asked, hands outstretched. “I would bargain with you.”

I sighed. “You have one minute to speak.” It wouldn't hurt to hear him out.

“I have been bound here by Ordikon, whom you have slain. By the terms of the magical contract, I am now stuck here for eternity, with no way to escape. Release me from my binding, and I promise to leave this place without offering you any resistance. In addition, I will grant you a great treasure.”

I exchanged glances with the others. With just a look, we made a decision. Aurora and Lenn’s halos began showing. “Sorry,” Bat Paulie said. “We don’t free demons.” The look on the nalfeshnee’s face was priceless. Kira sang “Ave Maria” as we brutally and efficiently murdered the fiend. No one was even seriously injured.

The demon defeated, we pressed on to the wing’s final room. Within, we found another pool – it REALLY seemed to be a pattern in this place – filled with blue water that danced with gouts of flame and flashes of lightning. As we neared the pool, waves of disorientation washed over the others. I just felt pain. Talking with everyone later, we all felt like the pool was trying to steal our souls. In fact, we later learned from the small library here that it was doing so in order to use the souls of people not driven by greed to fuel magic item creation.

The Lords of Greed called it “The Pool of Elemental Arcana”, because I guess “Soul Sucking Pool of Magic Forging” was taken already. Probably by some guy in Wisconsin living in his parents’ basement.

“Get away!” I told the others. Lenn, Geo, Lenntu and Aurora moved back to the doorway. Aurora tried to pull me out, but stumbled and had to be dragged away by Lenn. Paulie just got that weird look he gets when changing personalities.

Sure enough, moments later, he was standing over me. “Want me to pull you out of here? Act now and I’ll happily throw in a jar of Soul Balm, for those times your soul just isn’t feeling its shiniest!”

I couldn’t think straight, it hurt so much. Even with Paulie’s help, I was certain I was going to die. Then the strangest thing happened. “We can’t have you dying on us now, can we dahling?” I knew that voice. But that was impossible. And then she began to sing.

“If some are grouchy, pay no mind
Surprise instead with something kind
Lo and behold, you may just find
A smile is what you bring.”

The pain began to subside and a warmth filled me. “That’s it, dahling. You can do it.” I began to push to my feet. I couldn’t see her, but I had a sense that if Kira’s mouth were open any further, her jaw would be on the floor. I started singing as I stood. And Rarity sang with me.

“Stitch by stitch, pulling myself together.
Greed’s power looms, though Generosity is my might.
Even in the hall of evil’s power
My strength is at its height.
Hey Karzoug, you’re ostentatious,
Wait until we drag you in the light.
We’re coming for you together.”

The look on the faces of my friends said it all. They could see the spectral pony standing before me too. Huh. And that’s when Paulie tried to sell the horse a hay substitute.

She rolled her eyes at him and disappeared. The back of my left hand began to glow. I pulled off my glove and got a good look. It was now marked with three blue diamonds. Heh. I had a cutie mark.

“Um. But. Who? What. How?” Kira asked eloquently.

I winked. “Friendship really is magic, apparently.” I turned to Paulie. “Let’s get some samples for study, then let’s blow up this stupid pool.”

It wasn’t that easy. When I tried to scoop up some of the water in a vial, it actually retreated from my touch. “I’ve got this,” Paulie said. “Using my new triple chambered flask. Keeps your hot liquids hot and your cold liquids cold!” This place was really bringing that side of him out. He then threw one of his wands – the major healing one that was almost empty, if I recalled correctly – into the pool. It suddenly began glowing brighter than a torch. I studied it for a moment and realized that not only was it fully charged, but it would likely keep recharging on its own something like my batteries.

He threw another one in and it exploded. Guess it was a gamble.

I tried to throw a grenade into the water, but it the explosion didn’t do anything. I was afraid to use anything bigger for fear of damaging the whole complex. But then I had an idea. It was a terrible idea. But it felt like it might work.

I stood at the edge of the pool and drew my knife. Then, thinking about the last time I gave all those toys to the orphans and wrapping myself in the warm feeling it gave me, I cut my left palm, literally giving my own life blood to protect others who might wander in here. Several drops of blood fell from my outstretched hand.

The pool roiled and churned for several moments, then the waters suddenly froze solid. I wasn’t sure if that was a permanent solution, but it would protect anyone who came by before we had time to do something more permanent. The magic aura was definitely no longer projecting throughout the room. I was thinking we’d do a ‘Cask of Amontillado’ reenactment here later. At least the vials seemed mostly inert and safe.

We returned to Juiz, who had readied her report. “The Lords of Greed built a Runewell larger than any previously attempted. It was going to be used to put Karzoug into stasis in a realm between Golarion and the demiplane known as Leng.”

“LENG?” both Kira and Paulie hissed simultaneously. The latter was no longer doing a Billy Mays impression.

“I’m going back to the Dreamlands to talk to Samantha about this,” Kira said. “Wake me if you need me.”

Unable to hear Kira, Aurora asked Paulie, “What is Leng?”

“It’s a bad place, child,” he said. He didn’t sound like any of his weird personalities. “Shrouded in rumors and myths. If he is there, we can’t go after him. The spiders will devour our very souls.”

“We’ve been to bad places before,” Lenntu said.

“Not like this. Do not go to Leng, or it will be your doom!” He fugued again.

“Paulie?” I asked.

“Yeah, brah?”

“Nevermind.”

“So where do we go next?” Geo asked.

“The Righteous Galleries of Honest Pride,” I said.

“Why there?” Aurora asked. I just held up my hand, revealing the fading cutie mark. She didn’t have to ask further. She knew the truth now. A little pony had told me, though she didn’t know what exactly I’d been told.

"Rainbow Dash is in trouble
You need to get there by her side
You can try to do what you can now
When you find her in the Halls of Pride!"


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Mirror, Mirror

Spoiler:
We made our way out of the Halls of Greed, happily confirming that the mist was indeed gone from the entrance hall. Our biggest difficulty was convincing Paulie that we didn’t have time to pry up all the darkwood boards we had spotted in the library.

That isn’t to say we didn’t take anything. We have quite a few more books to add to our library resort. But that didn’t take very long. Definitely not nearly as long as it would have taken to pry up the boards.

Thanks to the time spent healing up the magical brain damage caused by that stupid pool – it had been hard to notice in Lenn, to be honest – and gathering loot, Kira woke up around the time we made it back to the central Runeforge chamber. “Samantha wanted you to know that there’s probably not any danger regarding Leng. Unless Karzoug and his minions are stupid enough to actually enlist the aid of Leng’s denizens. In which case, we might all be completely screwed.”

“Yeah, that makes me feel better,” I replied sarcastically.

“Glad to help.”

Lenn led the way into the Halls of Pride, or whatever they’re called. “This place is bad too!” he growled. I braced myself as I crossed the threshold into the wing to once more feel uncomfortable and out of sorts. But instead, once I had entered the place, I found myself feeling a hundred feet tall and more confident than ever. It was like the world around me didn’t matter, like I could take on anything. Nothing was beyond my scope.

Well, that made sense. Envy wasn’t my thing. Nor was greed. But, if I have an affinity for one of the deadly sins, it’s gotta be pride. Even my propensity towards lusting after numerous women was almost more driven by a desire for simple comfort from the nightmares than it was by sexual desire. As soon as Aurora started comforting me while I slept, my desire for anyone but her almost completely vanished. Like, eighty five percent gone. I’m in love, not dead.

And look at the others. No one, except for Billy Mays Paulie, seems to be driven by greed. And Lenn… I could see envy. He was so jealous of Aurora’s halo that he forced himself – somehow – to manifest one of his own. I also had another suspicion.

“Lenn, when did you decide to learn to cook?”

“What?”

“When did you decide to learn to cook?”

“Geo was learning to do something new and I wanted to learn to do something new too.”

“Why cooking?”

“There was lots of meat lying around.”

I gave Geo a look. He looked as confused as me, then I saw it dawn on him. “When I was studying anatomy?”

“You had a dead rabbit nailed to a table.” Aurora gave Geo a look. She also looked a little ill.

Yep, time to derail that train of conversation. “Well, that supports my current conclusion. Paulie! Stand proud! We have before us a chance for glory!”

The tiefling fugued again. “GLORY! ONWARD!” He led the way down the hall, turning left at the ninety degree fork. Lenn and Lenntu also made it around the corner before shit hit the fan. I didn’t see it happen, but having studied the magic, I suspect that this is how it went down.

They rounded the corner, and caught sight of themselves in the hallway filled with mirrors. Additionally, they caught sight of the reflection of their reflection in an opposed mirror. Then the magic went off and mirror images stepped out of each to attack us. That means there were two each of Lenn, Lenntu and Paulie.

We backed up and used the tight corridors to our advantage. I used my suit’s wand crystal to hit them with a fireball and we moved into a firing line to burn them down quickly. All in all, it wasn’t too bad. They had our peoples’ abilities, but not our party’s overall tactical acumen.

After that, I threw down an illusory wall on the opposite side of the hallway to block line of sight between the two opposed mirrors and we continued forward, coming to a massive cathedral walled floor to ceiling in mirrors. There were four massive chandeliers hanging through the hall. Peacock motifs abounded.

On a dais, around a beautiful throne, stood six blond wizards, each copies of a single man. My mind reacted quickly, formulating a plausible story for dealing with these magical guardians. I just needed to convince them that I was here on legitimate business with their creator. Nothing could be simpler.

Of course, that would have required them allowing me a chance to speak. They attacked immediately, unleashing a flurry of fireballs made of quasi-illusory shadow-stuff. I saw through them and they still hurt a bit. The others were in a lot of pain.

The trio of fireballs was followed by a trio of magical rays to mentally enfeeble our front line. The first target to react after being hit was Lenn. Honestly, he didn’t seem all that different, though he forgot how to speak, resorting to growls and roars.

Next was Lenntu. Basically, he just became Lenn, though his body lacked Lenn’s ridiculous strength. Don’t get me wrong, he was still perhaps around as strong as Aurora, which is insane, but nowhere near Lenn. He also lost all ability to speak.

Finally was Geo. He stood stunned for a moment, then his body warped, becoming taller, lankier and in general terrifying. He drew his blade and licked it, then pointed it at one of the enemies before disappearing as his skin and clothing went chameleon.

Meanwhile, I turned my gun sideways and threw out a cone of suppressive fire and Aurora, who had been bringing up the rear, prepared to charge. But ultimately, it was Paulie who made the biggest contribution.

Wielders of divine magic have some brutal things they can do to arcane casters who aren’t prepared. With a single spell, Paulie caused his shirt to radiate a field of silence, then ran into close range with his foes.

At that range, he was able to use his armor’s weapons systems to their full. Beams of energy tore through the wizards as they also faced an onslaught from our melee line. And, outside the range of the silence, I was free to unleash my own spells at our foes.

Geo appeared out of nowhere behind one of the wizards, his blade protruding from its chest and his tentacles raking through its jugular. It was the first to fall, collapsing into a pile of snow. Right, simulacra. You know, I should make a few of those to keep an eye on my place in Magnimar and protect the servants.

<Ooh! Make a dragon to protect Sandpoint!>
<You know, they could probably use one.>

Paulie had to spend some very powerful heals to remove magical effects from Lenn and Lenntu. Geo seemed to have shrugged it off all on his own. We then took a couple hits of magic healing wands each to clear up the damage from the fireballs.

We continued on to the next chamber, finding a meditation room of sorts filled with piled up scrolls and tomes. “Juiz,” I said.

“Understood. Noblesse Oblige.” My armor separated from me and Juiz began analyzing the surrounding writings.

“ETA for full analysis?”

“Estimated time to process entire room, eight minutes.”

“Excellent.” How did I ever get along without my own AI?

We worked our way through the other artifacts in the room. There was a sadly non-magical peacock statue made entirely of gold, so we tossed that in one of our bags. There was also a corpse propped up in one corner. Looked like this was the wizard whose simulacra had attacked us. He was clutching a mirror and wearing some extremely valuable robes. EVIL robes, at that. I’d only ever seen Robes of the Archmagi once before, back when I was studying. One of the administrators had a set.

I think his were neutral, despite what some of the professors said about him.

So, yeah, we stripped the corpse. I’d break those down later for a huge chunk of magicite. We also took his mirror. Obviously, he didn’t need it anymore. He didn’t need his belt, cloak or any of the other magic equipment he was wearing, either.

Passing through the meditation room, we found the most horrible thing I had seen since coming to Golarion. Aurora could sense my dismay. “Kyle, are you okay?”

“They burned them.”

“I know.”

“Why? Why would they do that?”

“I couldn’t say.”

I felt tears welling up as I stared out over the ashes of what had once been a great library. I dropped to my knees before one of the great bookshelves and reached out to touch the ashes. I tried using magic to repair them, but the books were too far gone.

For all I knew, what I needed to get home had been here. That alone was enough to anger me. But beyond even selfish concerns was the fact that centuries of knowledge had likely been lost. That put me at a place beyond anger. I had transcended rage and an eerie calm came over me.

One book, protected by magic, managed to survive. We found it buried in the ashes by following its magic aura. It was a tome that permanently imbued its first reader with boosted force of personality. Well, Paulie used that to cast his spells, so we gave it to him to read.

Eight minutes had passed, so Juiz reattached the armor to me and returned my magic bag, now filled with the books and scrolls from the meditation room. At least those had been saved. “Report,” I told her.

“The man whose corpse we found was known as Vraxeris. He had learned that the Runelord Karzoug was beginning to awaken, so he had begun putting together a plan to kill the runelord and use his wealth to find a way to awaken his own master, Runelord Xanderghul. He believed that the Runewell used to preserve Karzoug could be found in ancient Xin-Shalast, located on the mountain Mhar-Massif.”

“Why hadn’t he gone?”

“He was in the process of preparing a counter for the occlusion field that surrounds the upper reaches of Xin-Shalast, as well as preparing a steed to carry him up there, when a degenerative neurological condition ended his life.”

“Tell us more about the counter he had planned.”

“He believed that if a weapon were imbued with the combined powers of Runelords Sorshen and Xanderghul, it would be able to pierce the occlusion field. To this end, he had made an alliance with someone called Delvahine, the ruler of the wing of the Runeforge complex associated with Lust.”

“How does one create such a weapon?” Aurora asked.

“By using the Runeforge. Submerge a weapon within the waters and add objects that are tied to the power of the wings. Vraxeris believed that shards of the mirrors here would work for his wing, while what would be required from the wing of Lust would likely be something he euphemistically called Delvahine’s ‘equipment’. Likely devices of a sexual nature.”

So, we just dunked in a weapon and tossed in some mirror fragments and a magical dildo. Right. Still, that made me wonder if other combinations were possible. Perhaps counters for each of the seven Thassilonian specializations? “Tell us about his neurological condition.”

“Some kind of dementia caused by a genetic defect. He had suffered the condition two hundred and four times previous. Each time, he had escaped his body into a clone he had created through a customized and advanced clone spell.”

“Kyle!” Kira pleaded urgently.

“I know.” It could be the research we needed to find a way to create a body for my sister and get her out of my brain. “Were his notes about the spell among the saved tomes?”

“Affirmative.”

“Index those and save them for me. I want to research this later.”

“Acknowledged.”

“Tell us about the steed he was preparing.”

“Through an agent of Delvahine, he managed to acquire a mare. After hours of painstaking research, he enchanted her with powerful, permanent alterations. She is no Pegasus, though she has wings and can fly via magical means. He was unable to control her, however, so he imprisoned her in a mirror in his room.” That had to be Rainbow Dash.

“Any other relevant information?”

“I have indexed one more piece of information as likely relevant. Vraxeris planned to leave the Runeforge via what he called a ‘master circle’ that can be found within the wing associated with wrath.” That made sense. Though I did wonder why not put the easy exit in the center of the complex.

As we continued our search, we found rooms filled with dead, naked clones. Aurora said what we were all thinking. “Well, that’s creepy.”

We opened the final door to find a room filled with mean, dilapidated furniture, a large freestanding mirror and six relaxing, naked succubi. Not six individuals, though. Six of the same succubus. “Well,” I said softly to Aurora. “This is awkward.”

At that moment, the shrunken head Lenn wears around his neck decided to go off. “I LIKE HOOKERS!”

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. The six succubi let out an unholy screech and began attacking. One began by singing. They weren’t just succubi. They were bards. In the halls of wizards, they sent bards to fight us.

Bards. I unleashed a burst of radiant light right on the singer. She screeched in anger. Aurora intercepted one of her sisters who had rushed to attack me, punching her right in the face. They seemed to be doing their best to stay away from Lenn and Lenntu, but one of them used a magical charm on Geo.

If I had cast such a spell, it would have convinced my target that I was a dear friend. They would see me as trustworthy and would instill a sense of loyalty in my target. It would be much the same for most any wizard. But this was a succubus who had cast it. Instead of loyalty, it inspired lust.

The succubus cowered behind Geo. “You won’t let these mean people hurt me, will you?” She gave him her best doe-eyed look.

He appraised her, tracing a lanky finger across each part as he spoke. “Of course not. You’re far too lovely. Just look at those beautiful cheekbones. And that slight ridge on your eye socket. The sharp, perfect bones in your shoulders. Your perfect sternum running between your well defined ribcage. No. I’d never let them harm you.”

His voice dripped with desire. And suddenly I was very aware that he was still in his mutated form, with the personality change that came with it. A personality we knew very little about. The succubus hadn’t caught on to the danger, but I was more than a little terrified. “Thank you,” she said. “Please keep them away from us.” At least, I think that’s what she had started to say. But she didn’t finish the sentence, because Geo interrupted her.

“I must have your perfect skeleton for my collection.”

Her eyes went wide as, in one deft, practiced motion, Geo’s hand shot into her abdomen, under the ribcage and up into her chest. His arm disappeared til above the elbow. She cried out in pain as his muscles tensed and he crushed her heart in his hand. He gently lowered her to the ground, whispering for her not to struggle as the life faded from her eyes.

As she reached the ground, her form collapsed into snow. Great, another simulacra. We all – us and the succubi – stared in horror at what we had just witnessed. Then Lenn broke the silence as he charged with a roar.

“WHY?” he swung his axe, instantly destroying the second succubus. “IS?” he killed another. “EVERYONE?” And another. “SNOW?!” A fourth fell. Aurora dropped the final one as she tried to escape. Only I was paying enough attention to hear Lenn mutter, “I want to be snow.” His face was pouting.

I couldn’t help it. The absurdity of it all. First Geo, now this? I burst into laughter. Aurora joined me. Then Lenntu and Paulie. Finally, Lenn started laughing.

After several moments, Lenn stopped laughing. “Why are we laughing?” he roared, causing me to laugh all the harder.

After a bit longer, I finally regained my composure. “Lenn, Lenntu, would you two carry that big mirror into the main hall?” I then leapt into Aurora’s arms like a princess. “Carry me so I don’t have to look at the library again?” She rolled her eyes and laughed, but carried me as I shut my eyes.

In the main hall, I prepared a spell and awaited the arrival of the men with the big mirror. It took them a bit longer than expected, as they’d had some trouble navigating a corner with the massive thing. As they set it up, Aurora asked, “So, why did we have to bring the mirror in here?”

“Because Dashie’s gonna need some room to stretch her wings, of course.”

“Right. How could I forget? This has to be another one of your strange horses.”

I broke the enchantment on the mirror, releasing the horse within. Her coat was bright blue and her mane and tail were prismatic. She eyed me suspiciously. She obviously hadn’t had good experiences with wizards. It’s possible that growing those wings had been extremely painful.

“What?” I asked. “I was just looking for someone to race.” She obviously recognized the word ‘race’, because she whinnied and stomped eagerly. “Thought so,” I said, casting a flight spell on myself and drinking a speed potion. “Dear, call the race start?”

Once more my wife rolled her eyes, but she did a three second countdown and we were off. Obviously, I wasn’t as fast as a horse. I especially wasn’t as fast as a horse that had been gifted with magical flight and speed. But I did well enough. Winning hadn’t been the objective. The race itself was.

When it was done, I gushed enthusiastically about how awesome it had been. I then held out my fist, and the horse gently kicked it. Aurora gave me one of those looks that said that I had done something weird. “Brohoof, yo,” I explained. She still didn’t get it. That’s okay. Good marriages always have their quirks. I was ours. I patted Rainbow Dash on the neck. “The place we’re in is too small for you to really fit. I’d like to put you to sleep for a bit and shrink you down. Then, once we’re somewhere you have room to really fly about, I’ll wake you up. Deal?”

She snorted and then nuzzled me and Aurora, so I took that as a yes. Using a wand, I shrank her down into a tiny stone figure and carefully put her in my pack. “So, we’re heading into the Halls of Lust next?” Aurora asked innocently. I couldn’t resist.

“Dear! I’m shocked at you! That’s for tonight, not in front of all these witnesses!”

She caught my innuendo and turned beet red. “Kyle!”

I dipped her back and gave her a kiss. It wasn’t particularly long or passionate, more love than lust, really. At least, that was the intention. She was having none of that and held me there for several passionate moments longer than I had intended. Lenntu led the others in breaking a mirror and gathering up the fragments we’d need in an attempt to give us privacy.

Once I pulled Aurora back squarely on her feet, she giggled and booped my nose. Women.

Barring another incident of sewage raining from the ceiling - don't ask - might manage to get the next out by the weekend. If not, early next week.


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Horny Demons

Spoiler:
After spending several minutes considering the hilarity of building a catapult to launch clone corpses at one of the other wings, we continued on to the Halls of Lust. In truth, I had been dreading this. It was gonna be like that one time, back in college, when I went to that one party and everyone was doing ecstasy and I had to leave before that dude came back and tried to hump my leg again.

I did come back to drop off a couple cases of Gatorade – hyponatremia can be just as bad as dehydration, you know – in hopes no one would die. I hear the cops ended up getting called on them a couple hours later. Probably for the best.

The entire wing devoted to lust was one massive chamber. If Pride had built a chapel to self-aggrandizement, Lust had erected a cathedral to debauchery. Massive marble columns carved into the shape of a naked woman who had obviously been a bit cold when she was modeling made a ring around the room, perhaps ten feet away from the walls. Along the walls were various cages. We could not see any cages with someone actively in them, though there were likely many obscured by the massive silk pavilion in the center of the room.

The ceiling was ninety or so feet high and domed. A fresco painting covered the ceiling with images of men and women engaged in all manner of depraved carnal acts. I heard Aurora gasp as she took it all in. “Juiz, would you be a dear and record images of everything in here, making special note of the mural on the ceiling?”

“Affirmative,” Juiz responded.

I gave Aurora a questioning look. Her cheeks were flushed and she was obviously aroused. “Ideas for later,” she whispered in my ear. I love that woman.

A quartet of bat-winged Alu-demons – the half-demonic female offspring of a succubus and a mortal – flew around the room, leering at us. Two of them clung onto pillars above and began commenting on their suspicions of each of our sexual prowesses. When they got to me, their description of what they wanted to do to me set Aurora off. I had to stop her from shooting them then and there.

I had a better idea. “Greetings!” I called out. “We’ve come to trade with your Mistress, Delvahine! We learned from Vraxeris that we need something that she can provide to help us in our fight with the Runelord of Greed!”

Their eyes went wide at the word ‘Vraxeris’. One of them closed her eyes, likely telepathically contacting her mother. A few moments later, I heard a voice in my mind. “Friends of Vraxeris?”

“I wouldn’t call us friends,” I sent back. “But we bear him no ill will, and he has been invaluable in aiding our cause.”

“And you seek to slay the Runelord of Greed?”

“In the most exquisitely painful way we can manage. Perhaps you could offer us tips on how to prolong it so we can enjoy it the most?”

I heard her laugh in my mind. “I *LIKE* you. Come. My daughters will escort you all inside and we shall see what you need – and what you have to offer in exchange.”

“What’s happening?” Aurora asked.

“We’re going inside to trade?”

“Trade?”

“If nothing else, I can make her a copy of my porn collection.”

“Oh, that’d be okay.” I think she had been jealous. Aww.

Aurora and I took the lead as we were led into the massive pavilion. Of course, we ran into trouble as soon as we entered. “Hold!” I called back.

“What is it?” one of the demons asked.

“Those,” I said, indicating a number of stone giants in front of us.

“They’re harmless,” she responded.

“One of our companions might fly into a rage and attack them if he sees them. Think you can draw that curtain before we continue?”

She regarded me carefully. “Will he be a danger to any of us?”

I shook my head. “He can be controlled as long as it’s not giants,” I said. “It’s a bit of a thing for him.”

She rolled her eyes then used her ranseur to reach up and pull the curtain closed. “Can we continue now?”

“Lead on.” As we walked through the pavilion, something bugged me. “Do you people have enough pillows in here, or what?” They were everywhere. It was like someone was a hoarder or something.

“Do you not like it?”

“It just looks like a Bed, Bath and Beyond threw up in here, is all I’m saying.”

We walked into the pavilion’s central chamber and found Delvahine reclining upon another mound of pillows. Before she or any of the rest of us could speak, Lenn beat us to the punch. “YOU LOOK LIKE THE HOOKERS!” he said.

The succubus’ eyebrow twitched dangerously. “Oh?”

I sighed. “Vraxeris had six simulacra of you hanging out in his bedroom.”

“WHAT?! I’ll kill him!” She looked like she was ready to rush off and do it then and there.

“Well, I have good news,” I said.

“Speak!”

“Like, the brah forgot to renew his clones or something, so he suffered some gnarly death,” Paulie, having changed again when we weren’t looking, said.

She gave him a strange look and then began laughing. “That idiot! No wonder I haven’t seen him in so long! Oh my, mortals, you have brought me such amusement today! But tell me, if he’s dead, how did you learn about me?”

“He was, like, too dead to object to us reading his diary,” Paulie replied.

“Fair enough,” she said, still grinning, one wicked fang peeking out from under her lips. “Tell me, what is it you need from me?”

“If we’re understanding the notes correctly, we need one of your “naughty toys” to infuse a weapon with the ability to pierce through Karzoug’s Occlusion Field,” I replied.

She considered it. “I think I can part with one, but in exchange, I want one of you to join me in my boudoir for, say, ten minutes of fun?”

I grinned. I knew she would say that. “I think we can arrange that.”

“Kyle,” Aurora protested.

“Not me, love.” That wasn’t what she was protesting. You had to be a moron to sleep with a succubus. But I had an idea. “Geo’s been wanting some alone time with a beautiful woman.”

I saw realization dawn, but she hid it immediately. “Oh, that’s okay then. I just didn’t want to share.”

The succubus laughed. “Fair enough.” She appraised Geo, taking a good long time looking at his tentacles. “I think I like this one better anyway. Come, Geo.” She led him through the door to the boudoir, tapping the wall and magically closing the curtain behind her.

So we found ourselves waiting with four scantily-clad alu-demons. I needed to distract them before things started. “How about I sing while we wait?”

“Sounds good,” Aurora replied.

“Juiz, track four thirty six, please.” I took up my position.

“Understood.”

“It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes,
You're paralyzed”

As I danced and sang, I heard Geo tap the radio to on. “Please, beautiful. Let me get behind you so I can have a good look at those beautiful wings as we go for it.”

“'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike
You know it's thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight!”

“Ooh,” the succubus cooed. “I love the feeling of your tentacles on my skin. And those little claws, such exquisite pain to go with pleasure.”

“Then you’re going to love this,” Geo said.

That was the signal. “NOW!” I commanded, ending the song abruptly. Aurora and Lenntu struck, taking the closest two alu-demons down before they could retrieve their ranseurs. Lenn looked confused at first, but trusted us, so he drew his axe and attacked a moment later. His target tried to deflect the swing with her weapon, but his powerful blow went straight through.

I could hear the sounds of the giants from the next room making their way in. But I had other things on my mind. “Go!” Aurora told me. “We’ll take care of the giants!”

“GIANTS!” Lenn roared.

I cast a spell to protect me from evil and then tried to open the door into the boudoir. You wouldn’t think silk curtains would be that difficult to breach, but these weren’t made of ordinary silk – some kind of spider silk, if I had to guess – and were pulled taut by magic. There was no time to fiddle with the latch. For all I knew, it was keyed to Delvahine. But I didn’t need to activate the latch. I just needed to get through somehow.

I set a breaching charge. The directed explosion shredded the silk and created an opening. I rushed in and was shocked by what I saw.

Geo was strewn across the room, yet somehow I think he got the better end of the deal. Two shining children – semi-humanoid creatures of solidified light from an unknown evil plane – lay dead near the largest parts of Geo’s corpse and Delvahine wasn’t in much better shape.

In his surprise attack, Geo had managed to cut both of her Achilles’ tendons. He had also managed to break both of her wings. One of his spiked tentacles had raked across her throat, tearing her larynx. She had backed into a corner, cowering.

I hit her with a magical spell to dimensionally anchor her, preventing her from teleporting away. I held out my arms and Juiz separated the armor from me. “You’re wondering why? Tell me truly, you were planning to kill Geo, weren’t you? Oh, right, you can’t speak. Well, let me guess. You tried to drain Geo’s life force, but something was wrong, wasn’t it?” I grinned. “It was almost as if you were trying to drain the life of an undead, yes?” I could tell from the look of horror on her face that realization was dawning. I’m not even sure if she realized that Geo would pull himself together shortly.

She attempted to swing her whip at me, but Juiz intercepted it and yanked the weapon from her hand. “Permission to put this creature out of her misery?” Juiz asked.

She was probably right. I had gloated enough already. “Sorry, it’s nothing personal, really. You were a danger to us and we don’t make deal with demons, is all.” I turned my back to her. “Juiz, activate wand crystal. Force bolts, continuous volley until target is dead. Aim for the soft tissue. I don’t think Geo will be happy with us if we damage her skeleton.”

“Understood.” Since Juiz was taking care of that and it seemed like the others had the other room well in hand, I decided to finish my performance.

“Darkness falls across the land
The midnite hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y'awl's neighbourhood
And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpse's shell
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller.”

Once I was certain that Delvahine was dead, I popped my head back into the other room and saw that they had just finished the last giant. “Hey, guys, we’re gonna have to wait an hour while Geo pulls himself together again.”

“Bummer dude,” Paulie said. “But at least we have time to explore this place.”

“What happened?” Aurora asked as she walked into the boudoir. “Oh.”

Lenn walked in behind her, took one look at the room, and then punched me as hard as he could. “What the hell?!” I asked. From the floor. Eight feet back from where I had been.

“DON’T BLOW UP GEO!”

“That WASN’T ME! It was the Shining Children!”

He looked at the corpses. “Oh. That’s okay then. Fighting those by himself was stupid, but Geo does stupid things sometimes.”

What.

I decided to let it pass and we began searching for anything useful. Most importantly, we found a number of jeweled sex toys. We put them in a bag we found, carefully using my forge tongs to avoid touching them. Because eww.

Outside of the pavilion, we found a number of cubes that held rotting corpses. That was strange. The magic of the Runeforge should be preventing that. Unless there was a differing localized effect here that overrode the general effect of the Runeforge? I studied the magical auras with my magic sight and came to a horrified realization.

This magic did not maintain ontological inertia. Whereas the magic of the Runeforge simply suspended the ravages of time, the magic here simultaneously blocked that effect and placed a new one on the inhabitants that stopped aging when someone reached sexual maturity, because of course it did. But the magic was sloppy. Anyone who walked out of this wing would suddenly feel all the weight of the time they had spent within, aging in an instant.

That might not be a problem for something that can be preserved through the ages. Metals kept under the right conditions, for instance, would be fine. An immortal demon like Delvahine would also be free to come and go as she pleased. But a person? That would get real gross real fast. Of course, we would find someone in there after I’d thought of all of that.

He was trapped in a force cage lined with gold and silver in a far corner of the cathedral. I ended up using my power armor’s wand crystal to slowly bust through the walls and free him. After that, he tried to attack us, but Aurora and Lenntu subdued him.

He was pretty far gone. The succubus and her daughters had drained much of his life force, and the abuse had left him insane. If we had been back home, all that would have been left for him is to live the rest of his life sedated in a padded room so he couldn’t hurt himself or others.

But we weren’t on Earth. Paulie used a couple spells to cure both maladies as simply as if he were magicking away a nick from shaving. Well, not so easily. The amount of raw magic required was much higher. But you know what I mean.

The man introduced himself as Nelevetu Voan. He had apparently been a commander in Sorshen’s army, but had run afoul of one of the caretakers of this wing of the Runeforge shortly before the fall of Thassilon. He had spent centuries here, enduring the worst sexual tortures imaginable, before it finally broke his mind. They would heal him and start it all over again.

While we waited for Geo, he told us stories of ancient Thassilon, of the brutalities the Runelords, all of the Runelords, had visited upon their people. He begged us to stop them from returning. I promised him that we would find a way to stop Karzoug but that I wasn’t sure what we could do to stop the others.

But there was one thing we could do at that very moment. “Help me?” I asked the others, jumping to my feet. “I’m smashing all of these cages.” It was symbolic at best, but it was an important step. Nelevetu gave me a strange look. “What?”

“I’ve seen this before, in a vision. All of you, this moment.”

Interesting. “Wouldn’t be the first prophetic vision about us,” Aurora noted. True enough.

Geo returned a bit later, after we had destroyed about half the cages. “Cleaned up the succubus’ skeleton?”

“Why would I do that?” he asked, genuinely puzzled.

“For your collection?” Lenntu asked.

“I don’t have a skeleton collection.” He seemed to have returned to normal. Well, as normal as Geo gets.

“That you know of,” I quipped before letting him know what we had learned from Nelevetu and why we were smashing the cages. He joined in and we finished about an hour later.

Once the cages were destroyed, we all sat down to decide what to do next. Paulie had burned through a majority of his high level spells, and I wasn’t far behind. Pushing forward without replenishing was folly. No, we had taken care of Envy, Greed, Pride and Lust. We could rest before tackling Sloth, Gluttony and Wrath – not necessarily in that order, of course.

In truth, thanks to the Runeforge’s magics, we didn’t need sleep. But we did need to wait until the magical pathways in my mind refreshed, which was about twenty two or so hours after the last time I woke up. Which meant we needed to rest.

There was no point in creating the magic mansion. We didn’t need food or sleep. But since I had time, it behooved me to create the workshop and get cracking on breaking down and reconstructing some of the loot we’d gained. That robe alone would take up most of the time the assistants in charge of breakdowns would have.

We went back to the Halls of Envy first and had the adventurers there join us in the Lust wing. It was more comfortable there, and we would be able to work together if someone from one of the other wings came out to attack us.

After crafting something glorious for Lenntu, a massive electromagnetic riot shotgun whose design I called ‘Requiem’, I found Aurora seated on a cushion against a wall, relaxing. She patted her lap, beckoning me over.

I laid there for an hour, talking with her as she gently ran her fingers through my hair. Then, buoyed by the feeling of comfort, I fell asleep.

I had another dream. This one wasn’t like the others. I don’t think it was a vision of things that had happened. Nor did it seem like a hint of things to come. Instead, I think my unconscious mind was sorting through the things I had learned about ancient Thassilon, trying to figure out how to prevent the world from living under that tyranny ever again.

It was the American Revolution that I saw. I was fighting in it. Instead of Redcoats, it was soldiers of Thassilon. I took a hit from musket fire. Lying on the ground, I could see the streets were filled with blood, but out of the blood grew a single red rose.

Then, as life faded, I found myself once more floating among the stars. I heard first one voice, then many. They spoke words that I knew, and I quickly found myself speaking with them. “The universe speaks in many languages, but only one voice. It speaks in the language of hope.

"It speaks in the language of trust. It speaks in the language of strength and the language of compassion. It is the language of the heart and the language of the soul. But always it is the same voice. It is the voice of our ancestors speaking through us and the voice of our inheritors waiting to be born. The small, still voice that says: 'We are one. No matter the blood, no matter the skin, no matter the world, no matter the star. .. We are one. No matter the pain, no matter the darkness, no matter the loss, no matter the fear. .. We are one.' Here, gathered together in common cause, we begin to realize this singular truth and this singular rule that we must be kind to one another. Because each voice enriches us and ennobles us and each voice lost diminishes us. We are the voice of the universe, the soul of creation, the fire that will light our way to a better future. We are one.

"We are one.”

I found my consciousness racing through the stars, and I could hear other voices. The whole universe, perhaps. I rushed forward, star by star, until I came to a planet. I traveled down to the world, and into a mountain, through a portal. Then I found myself floating over my own sleeping form. Lenntu, Nelevetu and several of the adventurers had come to speak with Aurora. They were whispering, so as not to wake me.

“I understand what you mean,” Aurora was saying. “But how can so few stand against the return of an empire like you describe?”

“I do not know,” Nelevetu responded. “I only know that I feel like a great darkness is coming, and I feel powerless to stop it. I find that I do not like this feeling.”

Lenntu nodded. “We have fought great odds before, but this feels like too much. Like trying to hold a single bridge against a massive army, our fate merely to be ground down to dust before them, no matter how many we can stop before we fall.”

“I wish there was some way we could help you stop Karzoug,” a female adventurer said. “But the truth is that this seems too big for so few of us.”

“Stopping Karzoug will buy us a longer time of peace. Indeed, it is our best hope to retain the peace,” Aurora said. “But if even one slips through, it may be for nothing. We need to be victorious over all of them. And that is an even larger task.” That was it! I knew what we had to do. I willed myself forward, once more into my own body.

I sat up abruptly, startling the others. “Help me gather the gold and silver of the cages into a pile,” I said. Aurora gave me a concerned look. “I think you’ll like this.” I gave her a mysterious grin.

It took about ten minutes for us to carry over everything. I spent the last two minutes preparing two spells, my first for the day. Curious, everyone had gathered around to see what I was doing. I cut my hand and used my blood to fuel the parts of the second spell that wouldn’t use gold or silver. Then I began shaping the material before me.

It took only moments. When I was done, there stood before me a sculpture of a single rose – rosa chinensis, if you’re wondering. Its stem and leaves were woven of intertwined gold and silver, its petals red glass. Above the rose was a single star, held in place by two figures, one of gold and one of silver. Their races were hidden by their armor. Below the rose was a ‘pool’ of stained glass, blood red.

Resting upon the pool was a number of small emblems, each the same. One gold and one silver figure, looking at each other across a blue planet, Golarion as seen from space in my dream. There were dozens of the emblems.

Aurora’s fingers interlaced with mine. “It’s beautiful, but what is it?”

“A declaration. This place, the Runeforge itself, will become the home of those who would oppose the return of the Runelords. From here, those who follow us will continue looking for signs of their return and will prepare to prevent it, or oppose them if that fails, at all costs.”

“But how?” Nelevetu asked.

“By recruiting adventurers and more. We will create an entire guild for adventurers. Mercenaries, of a sort, that earn their living by hunting down threats to the people, or exploring old ruins. We will teach the new members, and they shall teach others in turn. Those who show promise, both in skill and in commitment, shall be given the option to join the inner circle in this place, here, where they will learn the true mission.

“These we shall call ‘Rangers’. It will be their calling to hunt down leads, and find ways to counter the Runelords and their agents, as well as other, equal threats.”

“But why this place?” Geo asked.

“The Runelords cannot come here, nor can their most powerful agents.”

“I wish to join,” one of the adventurers said, standing forward.

“As do I,” another agreed.

“Me too,” the third said.

“I think my adventuring days are done,” their wizard said. “But I’d still like to help if I can.” They would need scholars. He would be the start of that segment of the group.

“If what you told me earlier is right, I do not think I can leave this place,” Nelevetu said. “But count me in. I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

I grinned. “I was planning to put you in charge of the Rangers,” I told the ancient warrior.

“Me?”

“Well, I’m not sure I can do it, so I figure I need someone with free time on his hands.”

“I will do my best.”

“Good. Now let me explain something to you, all of you…” I repeated the words from my dream. It was context they would need. I then scooped up five of the emblems on the ground. “Now repeat after me…”

They spoke all together, in one voice, repeating my words. "I am a Ranger. We walk in the dark places no others will enter. We stand on the bridge, and no one may pass. We are One. We live for the One, we die for the One."

When it was done, I pinned their new crests upon them and thanked them. They would be the beginning, those that would follow us. We would take care of Karzoug, and they would do their best to prepare against the others. We would help where we could, but there was no way we could do this by ourselves.

“It’s probably a good idea,” Paulie told me, as we prepared to head out for the next wing. “But tell me, what’s with the Milani imagery?”

“I was wondering that too,” Aurora said. “Though she’s not a bad choice of a patron goddess for the Rangers, mind you.”

“Wait,” I said. “Who’s Milani?”

For the record, Kyle epically failed that final knowledge check.


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Grapes of Khan

Spoiler:
So, apparently, I don’t know everything. Yeah, I’m shocked too. I would have thought that after ten years, I’d have a finger on the pulse of Golarion. But it seems there’s at least one entire faith I’d never heard of.

Paulie and Aurora filled me in on Milani’s deal. Apparently she was a minor goddess who had previously been a saint in the now dead god Aroden’s faith. Now, she’s the patron deity of those who seek freedom from oppression. As the Rangers were founded specifically to prevent the return of the oppression by the Runelords, she fit fairly well.

So, that only left one question. Why was that in my dream? Had I tapped into knowledge I didn’t realize I had, perhaps something gleaned while I wasn’t paying attention? Or had someone sent me a vision? Either way, it was interesting, though the latter only opened more questions.

<Maybe we’re famous, fam!>
<If Erastil shows up to ask us our favorite biscuit recipe, I’m out, k?>
<Before or after you tell him how to make Granny O’Halloran’s cheddar soda biscuits?>
<Before. Some things have to be kept family secrets.>

We considered the remaining wings and decided that the denizens of Wrath were the most likely to take a proactive approach and hit us while we were distracted. So that’s where we’d go first. Then on to Gluttony and finally to Sloth. We hoped we could count on Sloth to procrastinate doing anything to attack us until we came on our own terms.

The entrance to the Halls of Wrath was actually fairly tastefully elegant, with polished black marble floors and walls sheathed in white marble. This continued on into the first room, a rather large chamber whose primary feature was a mural that covered the walls, depicting a red headed woman on the back of an enormous red dragon, holding a flaming ranseur above her head.

On the far side of the room was a thirty foot tall platform that led to a hallway further into the compound. In front of the hallway stood a ten foot tall statue made of iron depicting a woman holding a bow. Yeah, sure. “Aurora, switch your gun to steel-jacketed adamantine rounds. Paulie, Geo, use adamantine arrows. Lenn, hit it if it gets close. Lenntu, sorry, but I forgot to load you a drum of adamantine bullets.” Meanwhile, the statue reached up and pulled a rope, setting off bells ringing through the room, and likely through the complex.

The iron golem flew above our heads, firing bolts of energy from its bow. It was not really ready to deal with adamantine bullets. Nor was it prepared for me to launch a lightning bolt at it, which slowed its movements and attacks to a crawl. It had to rest on the platform to fire, making it easier for us to shoot at.

Most direct magic is useless on a golem, but each has a set of weaknesses. An iron golem is weak to lightning, which slows it. Luckily for me, I like keeping a lightning bolt spell prepared for situations where I just really need to hurt something.

Truth is, most adventurers would have needed to resort to flight magic to hit this enemy. But we had guns and the right ammo for the job. All in all, it wasn’t too hard of a fight. Lenn did seem to be getting a bit frustrated by his inability to hit it, though.

Aurora and Paulie flew up onto the platform – Paulie was really getting the hang of his armor’s flight capabilities – and lowered a rope for the rest of us. Not to be outdone, I played with my power armor’s Van der Waals generator and spider climbed right on up. An unnecessary use of battery charge, to be sure, but fun. Everyone else climbed up the rope with little issue.

Down the hallway, we found a smaller room with a pair of runic circles inscribed on the floor. I studied them and was able to determine that they were magical transports paired with similar circles in another room elsewhere, one as a ‘to’ and the other as a ‘from’. They would be able to take four of us at once.

Aurora, Lenntu, Geo and I went first. We appeared in a similar room connected to what appeared to be some kind of training hall. We could see movement within. They were forming up to fight us. Geo stealthed and crept into the room. I hit their back line with a burst of radiant light while Aurora and Lenntu rushed forward.

Lenntu struck the first enemy with the butt of his shotgun, knocking what appeared to be a sinspawn prone, then shooting it in the face. Aurora whirled in and cut another sinspawn down. Behind me, Lenn and Paulie ported in. Lenn charged and struck a sinspawn down and Paulie peppered another with arrows.

Then the enemy counter attacked. Behind the line of sinspawn was a group of mage-knights. They launched a volley of explosive fireballs. That hurt like hell. But it had other effects than just injuring us.

I heard high pitched giggling a bit behind me and to the left. I turned in horror. I knew that sound. “YYEEE!! FIRE!” Paulie shouted with glee. And then he launched his own fireball, much more powerful than theirs.

“Oh shi~!” I half said. “GEO, LOOK OUT!” My warning came too late. Geo was more than a little singed by it, but he ignored the direct hit and struck one of the mage knights from behind. Several of his attacks whiffed, despite looking like they had connected. “They’re using an illusion to appear a couple feet from where they are!” I warned the others.

Angry at the fire, Lenn rushed a mage-knight, and whiffed. “RARGH!” he roared, swinging once more and whiffing again. Aurora dealt with the magic by making wide swings, sacrificing some hits to ensure others would connect. Geo did the same, striking with his dagger in one direction and his tentacles almost like a shotgun.

Lenntu did what I suggested and flipped the switch on his gun, going from slugs to scattering shot, then firing in the general direction of foes. Paulie launched cones of flame, not caring who he hit. I carefully selected a zone of fire that would exclude my allies, then just held down the trigger and went full auto into an area that should contain three foes.

When it was over, aside from the two sinspawn, Lenn hadn’t hit anything. He was getting really ticked off about that. It took Geo several moments to calm him. Meanwhile, we looked around. There was a dining chamber of a sort and a number of small, Spartan bunk rooms just off the training rooms. Additionally, there were two additional chambers, one on either side, with pairs of teleportation circles.

I was surprised to see how young the mage knights were. They looked to be no more than seventeen or so. There had to be something strange going on here. Where were the adults? The real adults? Had they all perished during the whole thing when the Lords of Envy had tried to take control of the Runeforge?

We weren’t sure which way to go, so, after healing up, we picked one set of teleportation circles and stepped in. This time Geo and Lenntu came in during the second port.

We found ourselves in a room with nine more mage-knights. They seemed to be involved in some kind of research, intensely studying a cauldron of some kind of bubbling mass that smelled horrific. “Spread out!” I told the others, figuring we could expect more fireballs. “Don’t make yourselves a good target!”

Once more, Lenn was having serious trouble with these people. The rest of us managed well enough, though I burned through so very many bullets doing so. I still had several magazines, but I knew I would definitely need to make more soon. It didn’t help that I couldn’t risk using grenades and had to check my fire to avoid hitting the shelves filled with alchemical supplies. There was no telling how bad that could get if we hit the wrong two bottles at once. All in all, it was a fairly standard fight except for one thing. Well, two if you count the fact that Lenn whiffed every single one of his hits.

Several of the ‘researchers’ used their swords to toss globs of whatever the heck was in the cauldron at us. Later inspection revealed it to be a type of proto-flesh, kind of a magical and/or alchemical vat of stem cells on lysergic acid diethylamide, if you know what I mean. We mostly managed to dodge it, but Geo and Lenntu both got hit.

Geo grew a completely useless eye on the tentacle that got hit. Lenntu grew a tiny, emaciated arm from the spot on his shoulder that was struck. After the fight, we managed to remove both, though Geo wanted us to keep the place intact for later study. Seeing how much he wanted it, we reluctantly agreed.

<Nothing bad could possibly come of this.>
<Look, I was outvoted again.>

Research notes all around the room suggested that they had been working on dealing with the problem of lowered population. It seems that they do a kind of ‘Logan’s Run’ thing around this place. Once someone reaches a certain age, they’re allowed to breed, then are converted into sinspawn for use as defenders and, well, target practice. That explains the lack of older folks around.

But too many were lost in the fight with the Lords of Envy, so they needed more people to maintain a viable reproductive population. So they needed to find a way to revert the sinspawn to people. All things considered, it was an interesting solution. Certainly better than going to the halls of Lust to find some breeding options.

We ported back to the other room and took the alternate set of circles to a different chamber. This one looked like some kind of personal training room, likely for the leader of the wing. Heck, instead of torches, even magical torches, the room was lit by a bunch of ornate magical weapons. Was. Lenn thought they were pretty and yanked them out of the wall.

Some light remained, coming from glyphs on the wall that I recognized as being associated with magic weapon creation and evocation, specifically with the evocation of fire. They were more than enough to illuminate the wall of smoke that blocked view of what was beyond the door on the far side of the room.

The smoke wasn’t real. It turned out to be nothing more than an ornate illusion, like the wall I’d created to block the magic mirror in the Halls of Pride. We were able to walk right through it, and found ourselves in a room full of crazy. The first thing I noticed was that the ceiling was on fire. Or specifically, there was a wall of fire on the top of the room. It bathed the room in a warm red light and left the temperature about fifteen degrees higher than I would have liked. Not that I really noticed, enveloped in my magic bubble of cool air. I just saw Aurora sweating a bit and felt bad about it.

On the ground, there was a massive silver sihedron pressed into the floor. There was also another crazy mural, once more of a red haired woman who I’ve come to believe to be Runelord Alaznist. Her face was contorted in rage. Kinda like the face of the white haired woman flying up near the wall of fire. Well, the nine faces of the woman flying near the wall of fire. She was using mirror images to make it harder to hit her.

“I am Athroxis! I know not who you serve, but your invasion ends here! For Fury and Hellfire!” She shouted it in Thassilonian, so only Paulie and I fully understood her words. But I’m pretty sure her tone conveyed the important parts to the rest. Still, that would have been a great time to have a Hellfire missile at my disposal. The irony would have produced such hilarity.

She wasn’t alone. There was a Glabrezu flying up near her, which was weird. I didn’t think they had the ability to fly. But Athroxis was likely a wizard, so she probably did that.

“I’ll take the demon!” Aurora said, unsheathing her wings. “Kyle, support me!” I love it when she takes charge. Rowr.

“On it! Paulie, conjure your spiritual bow and focus on firing arrows to purge the mirror images!”

“I wanted to light her on fire!”

“The ceiling’s already on fire!”

“FINE!” he pouted.

Lenntu and Paulie peppered her with gunfire, everyone staying spread out to avoid likely fireball retaliations. So, of course, she opted for bigger hits. Icy cold winds and shards of ice erupted from her hand, buffeting us and causing some serious damage.

Aurora and I didn’t have too much trouble with the Glabrezu. He tried to use a spell to reverse gravity and throw some of us into the wall of flames, but I managed to counterspell him before it was too late. Aurora then kept on him so he would be unable to cast. The holy power of her rage tore through his defenses, causing massive damage.

In one of her passes, Athroxis got close enough for Lenn to swing at her, but he missed. The frustration reached its boiling point. “WHY IS EVERYTHING SO HARD TO HIT?!” he roared. He focused and began screaming in rage. His halo appeared, which was normal, but then the wall of fire above started swirling, which decidedly wasn’t.

A massive gout of flame, a whirlwind of fire, reached out from the wall, as though Lenn was pulling it in. His halo began turning from blue to red, then burst into flame. From his back erupted tendrils of flame, like Aurora’s wings, but made entirely of fire.

Aside from Aurora and the demon, the fight had stopped, all of us watching in shock as Lenn did what once again seemed impossible. His axe burst into flame and he charged straight at Athroxis. His mighty blow sent her flying into the ceiling. She passed through the fire and struck the stone above with a powerful crack.

“We’re doing that?!” Paulie screeched. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?! YEEE!” His body became enveloped in flame and his flesh was replaced with living fire. Fire Elemental Paulie then shot out of his armor, into the air and slammed into the stunned Athroxis as she passed once more through the fire, slamming her upward again.

Lenn launched upward again, catching the falling wizard with another blow and once more slamming her through the fire and into the ceiling. Then Paulie hit her again. And Lenn. It was a brutal, no holds barred beatdown.

Aurora also wasn’t what the demon was expecting. I don’t think he planned on fighting a child of celestials. He tried to retreat, but there was nowhere to run. He dropped to the ground and attempted to strike her with multiple attacks.

That was a mistake. Geo had been waiting. When Aurora dropped down and attacked the demon from the front, Geo came at it from behind. It cried out at her flurry of blows as they bit into its flesh. It couldn’t even cry as Geo drove his dagger into a soft part of its carapace and jammed his tentacles inside. They rooted around and withdrew holding something that looked important.

Aurora delivered the final blow, rising into the air, through the wall of flame and kicking off the ceiling into a dive, driving one end of her double bladed sword through the demon’s skull at full speed.

Once you parse out Lenn’s sudden growth of flame wings, I’m not sure which part of the fight was more insane. And how the hell had he done that? I mean, I know I’ve seen him do some things, but this was crazy even for him. And it got me wondering about the halo in the first place.

So, in the aftermath of the battle, I asked him. “Lenn, buddy, how did you do that?”

“Don’t know. But Aurora has a halo and wings, and she’s normal like me, so I knew I could do it.” I don’t even know where to begin with logic like that. But it confirmed for me that he didn’t know. There was one other question.

“Lenn, what’s up with that mark on your head?” He had a new glyph on his forehead, right in the indentation where the giant had hit him so long ago.

He shrugged. "I like it."

“I might be able to answer that,” Juiz chimed in.

“Go ahead.”

“Several of the notes about the Runeforge note a ‘Mark of Wrath’ gifted to the leader of the servants of Wrath here. It increases their strength and aggression in combat.” Great. That was just what we needed. A stronger, more aggressive Lenn.

The body of Athroxis was charred and barely recognizable. Only through the magic imbued in them did her gear survive. We grabbed that and some of the ashes around her. I had the feeling that those would serve as fuel for the Runeforge, though I wasn’t entirely sure.

I studied the sihedron circle on the floor with magic sight and confirmed what I suspected. This was the ‘Master Circle’, spoken of in Vraxeris’ journals. Any teleportation magic cast here would open a portal outside, probably back to the place we entered the Runeforge.

As we made our way back to the teleportation circles, I stopped Geo, asking him to help me adjust a strap on my bag that had gotten loose and ensuring that he and I would be the ones left to teleport after the others. While he was distracted, I cast a spell. “What did you do to Lenn?” I asked once the others had teleported.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, but I think you do. You implanted something into Lenn, didn’t you? So, again, I ask, what did you do to Lenn?”

His face contorted, once more becoming twisted and cruel – his alter ego, who I have started calling Jack after ‘Jack the Ripper’. He grabbed me by the collar and slammed me into the wall. “Something glorious!” he shouted.

But that’s not all I heard. My spell allowed me to hear his thoughts. “Tell me,” I said, doing my best to feign calm. “Where exactly did you get the heart of a Peri?”

It was a valid question. There was no ‘Body Parts R Us’ where you could walk in and go, “Hey, where’s Peri?” and walk out with the fiery heart of a celestial being thought to be descended from fallen angels.

His eyes blinked and he reverted to normal. “H-How did you know that?”

I smirked. “Lucky guess. Mind setting me down now?”

He suddenly realized our position. “How did that happen?”

I shrugged. I don’t think telling him about his crazy alter ego was a good idea right then. “So, where did you get it?” I asked as he let me go.

“I needed it, so my friends got it for me.” Still reading his mind, I had to hide my shock. The worshipers of Nethys from before had gotten it for him. He needed it to ensure Lenn survived the brain surgery. There was more to them than I had realized.

“Fine. Fair enough. But, you haven’t implanted anyone else with anything, have you?”

“Of course not. I have had no need to do so.”

Then, from the recesses of his mind, I heard the voice of Jack. “Not yet, anyway.” Then he gave a sinister laugh.

I barely managed to avoid running full speed to the teleportation circle.

As an aside,

Spoiler:
I'm almost caught up to where we'd ran up to(we sat down for a couple hours and semi-ran the entire Runeforge last time our GM was in town). If I get bored while waiting for GM and other player to help me prep the next section, I might start working on a silly side project I've been considering. If anyone's interested in checking out my Alternate Universe "Runelords High School" project, let me know and I'll leave a link after I have one or two entries up, though I will not update this thread any further with stuff about that afterwards.


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I'd read your silly side project.


Vanykrye wrote:
I'd read your silly side project.

Alrighty, once I figure out where I'm going to host it, and finish a couple, I'll toss a link in here.

Though it won't be until I have reached a point where I'm waiting on the other guys to move on to the next section of the main plot, so I wouldn't expect it til at least once Chapter 5 is done.


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Spooky Scary Skeletons

Spoiler:
Death is often described as cold, and the grave as foreboding. Well, when we entered the Gluttony wing of the Runeforge, known to the empire of Thassilon as the Ravenous Crypts, we certainly felt all of that. Aurora was especially affected by the aura of desecration my magic senses could see all around us. She described it as feeling “wrong, as if the very air was dead”. But she was far from the only one. Each of us felt uncomfortable in that place.

Except, of course, Geo. Whatever that man has done to himself, he’s no longer like the rest of us. At this point, that truth is plain as day. I don’t think he’s truly undead either, though. If anything, he’s perhaps like a dhampir: living, but at the same time, very much not.

So, of course, he felt right at home in the Ravenous Crypts.

We entered the first chamber of the crypts, a circular affair whose walls were decorated with ten giant skulls carved out of stone. And, in case the whole death motif was too subtle to indicate that this place was for necromancers, six mummies popped out of the mouths of the skulls to attack us. I tried to grab my Abbot and Costello pokeball to throw at them, but somehow I left it in my other pants.

Paulie, still stuck in firebug mode, did something more useful and lit one on fire. So I took my cue from that and activated my armor’s wand crystal, launching a fireball into a small group of them before they got close enough for me to risk hitting an ally.

All in all, it was a refreshingly straightforward fight. Our melee fighters beat the ever-loving crap out of the mummies in very short order, and Lenn didn’t miss a single hit. Feels good, man.

Beyond the chamber was a walkway that stretched over a hundred and fifty foot deep pit, the walls of which were lined with hundreds, maybe thousands, of coffins. All of those were empty. Because of course they were. Feck my life.

There were ornate doors leading off in all four directions. Aurora felt something evil to the north, so we decided to bite the bullet and get that part over with. We didn’t want whatever it was coming for us from behind. So we went north. Or, at least, I think it was north. I wasn’t exactly using a compass, but based on where I was facing when we entered the portal and the turns I’ve made since then, I think it was north.

Beyond the double doors, we discovered the source of what Aurora felt. A gaping black portal from the Plane of Negative Energy stood before us. Well, that explained why the whole place felt evil.

Let me explain. Positive energy is like a fire, a fire from which all life springs. It is said that even our very souls are constructed of bits of this fire. In small amounts, it is safe, even very necessary. In large amounts, it would blast apart the atoms of your body.

Negative energy, on the other hand, is like the ocean. Cold, uncaring and, more than anything, hungry. And in the same way that positive energy is the source of life, negative energy is the source of undeath. This was an extremely dangerous thing to leave lying around.

Feeding the portal was a pair of pylons, one on either side. “We’ll just see what Mister C-4 has to say about that,” I said. “Juiz, be a dear and set up a charge on each for me?” As an AI controlling a suit of powered armor, she wouldn’t have to worry about her life force getting sucked into the portal. I could have also sent Geo to do it, I suspect, but sometimes I worry about his judgment.

“Understood,” Juiz acknowledged. A few moments later, we retreated to a safe range and I hit the detonator.

Mister C-4, a very stable compound of few words – a true stoic among explosives – only had one thing to say. “Boom!” he intoned, shattering the pylons into a million pieces. And then all hell broke loose. Or, more specifically, the collapse of the portal created a kind of suction in its death throes, dragging something from the other side into this world. And it was a doozy.

On the seam where the Plane of Shadows touches the Negative Energy Plane, there exist creatures twisted by darkness and evil, beings of shadow called Nightshades. It is said that the heroes of Valor’s Triumph faced down a great number of these under the control of a rogue devil during the battle for the city. That tells me just how powerful they must have been, because just the one was an incredible foe.

What came through was a bat-like Nightshade, colloquially called a ‘nightwing’ – not to be confused with an adult Dick Grayson. Its greatest asset is its flight, which was limited in the portal room. “Everyone, keep it in there! Don’t let it get into the larger room!”

Aurora charged and put herself between the foe and the door. Lenn followed, then Geo snuck in past them to attack from behind. Lenntu fired over their shoulders, while Paulie and I remained behind them.

It was a creature of shadow, so I hit it with a blast of radiant light, but it resisted. It still didn’t like the light. “Keep trying that!” Aurora called back, calling up her halo. The nightwing recoiled from the light.

“I’m out!” I called. “Paulie, you have any light-based attack spells?”

He fugued again. “Why are we trying to hurt the poor bat? We should, like, live in harmony with all of Mother Planet’s creatures! All life is sacred, you know?”

Oh crap, the hippie. “It’s an undead from another plane!” I told him, exasperated.

“Oh, that’s okay then. Undead are, like, bad!” He held out his hand and a beam of searing light struck the enemy. This time, it didn’t resist, howling in anguish and trying to push past Lenn and Aurora, who managed to just barely hold it back.

I had to do something. If it got past them, we might be in serious trouble. But I was out of offensive light spells. All that I had left… heh. Spell resistance is a fun thing. It protects you against magic, but not always against the consequences of magic. I cast a spell, creating a light strong as day upon a coin and held it up. I walked forward, so that it would have to pass me to get to Paulie. And if you don’t know what came next, you haven’t been paying attention.

“You cannot pass!” I shouted. “I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Flame of Anor. The dark fire will not avail you, Flame of Udun! Go back to the shadow. YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”

Paulie launched another blast of light, and once more it tried to press past, wanting to kill him more than it wanted to escape the light I held. I heard voices behind me. “We are Rangers. We walk in the dark places no others will enter. We stand on the bridge, and no one may pass. We are One. We live for the One, we die for the One." I glanced behind me, and there three stood, each holding up a sunrod – an alchemical torch that puts out as much light as the spell I had cast. As they spoke, they each activated another, so the light coming from behind me was blinding.

The light was too great and the nightwing tried to retreat further back into the other room, and right into reach of Geo. I don’t know what he tore out. But he tore something out and the nightwing crashed to the floor. We advanced, holding our lights before us. It weakly tried to flee, then Lenn put it out of its misery.

I was touched by how quickly and how thoroughly the adventurers had taken to the Rangers, but I didn’t want to risk losing one on the first day. Yet, I couldn’t tell them to stay where it was safe. So, I decided to turn this into a teaching moment. “Thank you for the help. Your intervention was timely.”

“We couldn’t just sit around while you fought to clear this place out.”

I nodded. “Understood. But these halls are too small for so many. So instead, how about I put you to your first official task as Rangers?” They nodded. “Okay, the most important task as a Ranger is gathering intelligence so that the organization can act on it. So that’s what I want you to do. Head into the Sloth wing and try to map out what you can. Take your time, keep an eye out for traps. Avoid engagements when possible. If you reach a point where an enemy blocks your way, fall back to the central chamber and set up a defensive line. Remember, the information is the most important part. Come back with it at all costs, but don’t take unnecessary risks. If you die, no one can bring back the information.”

They voiced their acceptance of the order and headed out. I turned back to the others and Aurora’s expression was filled with approval. I could feel some teasing coming on, so I suggested we get going.

We picked one of the two remaining doors randomly and headed south. The hallway curved back west, leading into an ornate crypt. At a distance, I could see an inscription under a well-kept sarcophagus. It read:

Lord Anklerius Mankray Inib of House Inib
Master Vintner and Beloved Father
An assassin’s blade did what hundreds of duels could not.

Standing – maybe the wrong word – next to the sarcophagus was a clay statue plated in iron. It had the lower body of a snake and the torso of a naked woman – no nipples, anime style. Its head was a sihedron rune. “Lissala,” Paulie said. I knew that one. That made me feel better after the whole Milani thing.

Quick background. Lissala is – was? – goddess of runes, fate, duty, obedience and the rewards of service. It was from her that the Thassilonian virtues of rule came. All in all, not a good person. Rune-headed snake thingy. Whatever.

At this point, it didn’t surprise anyone when the statue started advancing on us. “Another golem?” Aurora asked.

“Yeah, probably.”

“Will my ammo work for Lenntu?”

“Yeah. Toss him your clip of adamantine ammo before engaging, please.” It was nice to have these simple, straightforward fights once in a while. Something for Lenn to beat down. It keeps him happy, and that makes the rest of us less nervous. Happy Lenn, happy party, I always say.

No, I really don’t ever say that. But bear with me here. I’m just relieved not to have to face some horror from beyond. Give me a nice, simple golem any day. Or even better, a dude in armor with a spear. Something simple, straightforward and not horrifying, is all I ask. If only every fight was like this.

After the fight, Paulie grinned and walked over to shelf. He grabbed a bottle of wine, popped it open and took a swig. “Whoa. This is Inib wine! Dude. Sweet.” He downed the rest of the bottle.

Aurora and I exchanged a glance. “Well,” I said, “let’s throw a few bottles in the bag. If nothing else, maybe we can use them in the Runeforge?”

“I WANT SOME TO MAKE SAUSAGE!” Lenn roared. One of these days we’ll get him to understand the concept of ‘indoor voice’. But there were dozens of bottles, maybe as many as a hundred. We could certainly get a couple for him too.

Wine safely stowed in magic bags, we went back to the crossroad walkway and continued on through the final door, heading east. Straight into a room covered in blood, gore and half-harvested corpses. Because of course we did. I knew I was going to get smacked down for feeling relieved.

I examined the corpses to see if they had been harvested for magic use or for eating – we were in the Gluttony wing, after all – and was able to determine that it had been done for magic. Though I’m not sure that made me feel any better. I think I would have been happier if they’d been feeding them to the dogs or something. I also wasn’t happy by the level of skill the harvester displayed. We were dealing with a powerful necromancer here.

From the clothing that they still sort of wore, the corpses had come from the Abjurant Halls of Blah Blah Blah. Yeah, you know the place. Envy. They had likely taken as many corpses as they could during the uprising, and it looked like they were rationing them. Rationing. CORPSES.

Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality. Open your eyes, look up to the skies and SEEEEEE! Okay, I’m better now. I think.

Beyond that chamber was a workshop, though it looked unused. Still, there were a number of valuable chemicals lying around. There were also books. As we examined the place, I noticed Geo putting some books in his bag. “Anything interesting in those?”

“In what?”

“Those books you’re putting in your bag.”

“I’m not putting any books in my bag,” he said as he put another book in his bag. I gave him a look. He glanced down at his hands. “How did this book end up in my hand?” I just shrugged. I wasn’t going to answer. I’m not sure I’d survive making Jack mad at me.

From there, the path split north and south. We ended up going north first, chosen via coin flip. Geo led the way, and not just because I wanted to keep him where I could see him, though mostly because I wanted to keep him where I could see him.

We walked into another laboratory, where we found some kind of zombie hungrily munching on a corpse. When Geo entered, it regarded him suspiciously, then shoved the entire liver in its mouth, like a little kid trying to keep a treat away from another kid. Creepy.

Then the zombie saw Lenntu. If this were a cartoon, I’m guessing that would have been the point where the audience sees Lenntu as a giant chicken leg or something, because he charged straight at the big guy.

That was a mistake. Lenntu smacked him with the butt of his gun, knocking him to the ground. Then the other melee fighters surrounded the prone undead and hacked it to death. It was pretty pathetic, if I’m being honest.

After the fight, Geo began grabbing more research notes. As he did so, I stopped him after noticing a few words on one page. “What is it?” Aurora asked me.

“I think we’ve found info on how they preserved Zutha, the Runelord of Gluttony.” Paulie, a little drunk, started giggling. “Anyway, they were planning to make a special phylactery, a book in three parts. Once reassembled, this ‘Gluttonous Tome’ would allow him to return.” We would have to let the Rangers know. Finding that tome, coating a piece of it in concrete and mailing that concrete to another planet would be a pretty high priority.

We headed out of the lab and headed down the remaining hallway, coming up against more of those damn mummies. But this time, we faced them in a hallway, making it hard for our melee fighters to get engage.

But we had other options than melee. Aurora took up the front, I laid on the ground just behind her and fired from between her legs, while Lenntu stood over me and fired his shotgun over her shoulder. My automatic fire was particularly effective at chipping away at the mummies, I must admit.

Then Lenn got bored, pushed past us and took out the last two on his own. I’m more surprised that he waited the full thirty seconds to get bored, if I’m being honest. He was being nice and quiet while we looked through the previous lab, like that fidgeting kid at the bank that you just know is desperate to run screaming through the lobby, flinging deposit slips at the old lady with the bag of pennies.

Inside the crypt, Geo found a hidden passage in one of the biers. Why he was looking in there, I will not speculate. But he found it, and we headed through it and into another lab.

And that’s where we found the lich. Because of course there was a lich. And sadly, this one wasn’t so incompetent that he turned himself into a patch of fungus like the last one.

“Greetings,” he said urbanely from his seat at a workbench. “I am Azaven, master of these halls. I must kill you all. For that, I apologize. Your body parts are too valuable to my research to let slip from my grasp. But I promise you, if you cooperate and tell me of the world outside, I will make your deaths as quick and painless as possible.”

“Counter offer,” I said. “You let us kill you quick, and we won’t be forced to use the remains of your phylactery in the manufacture of codpieces for the elderly men at Saint Albius’ Home for the Sufferers of Disgusting Venereal Diseases.”

Lenn aside, everyone in the room gave me one of those head-tilted, eyebrow-raised looks that tells you that they can’t believe what the heck you just said. Well, to be honest, the lich didn’t raise his eyebrow. He didn’t have eyebrows. Oh, he had flesh, but very little. But no eyebrows.

“A pity,” Azaven replied, then struck me with a powerful necromantic attack spell one of my instructors liked to call ‘Finger of Death’, because the caster points a finger at you and you die. Look, these are left-brained thinkers here. Creativity isn’t usually their strong suit.

That hurt like hell. Against a wizard, that spell is a killer. Someone stronger, like Aurora or Lenn, probably could have tanked through it, maybe even shrugging it off like it was nothing. But I’m just a wizard in power armor, which, while good against things like rays of fire, is useless against necromancy.

I felt myself falling, losing consciousness. The last thing I remember before hitting the ground was the sound of Aurora screaming my name. It looked like game over. And it would have been, if not for two things.

The first was that I also done a little necromancy that morning, weaving a shell of necromantic energy that could take some of any damage I took, making wounds that should have been fatal merely painful, and wounds that should have been extremely fatal only somewhat fatal. So yes, I still died, and with that, I still collapsed to the ground.

But that’s where my second preparation had come in. I had enchanted my armor with the power of Determination, the ability to automatically heal its wearer if they fell unconscious or died in combat. It was very expensive, but extremely useful when you needed it, even if it could only work once per day. I was going to put it on Aurora’s armor, but she insisted that I do mine first. After this, I would be putting it on everyone’s gear as soon as I had the resources and the time.

As I hit the ground, I felt a wave of healing energy hit me. I opened my eyes in time to see Paulie walking over to me. He cast a massive healing spell on me once he reached me, and suddenly I felt as good as new.

Paulie helped me to my feet and I took in the sights of the room. The lich had put up a wall of force between us and him, giving him time to cast buff spells with impunity. To keep us busy, he had summoned a devourer, a terrible undead creature that consumes the souls of the living to fuel its powers. Aurora and Lenn – halos out – had engaged it while Geo was once more at its flank, trying to perform a living autopsy of sorts.

Lenntu was trying to shoot through the wall, ineffectively. Like trying to use a blaster on a droideka. “Help them,” I told him as I cast a spell on myself to allow me to see through the illusory defenses I saw Azaven casting. “This lich is mine.”

“Like, got a plan?” Paulie asked me.

“Twelve percent of one,” I replied. “I’m thinking I’ll use some spells I prepared in case Lyrie showed up today. Got anything that can really mess up his day?”

“Totally.”

“Good. Then get ready. It’s you and me. Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra.” I gave Azaven a death glare and held out my hand. “SHAKA WHEN THE WALLS FELL!” I shouted, unleashing a magical ray of disintegration at the magical barrier, utterly destroying it.

Azaven attempted to cast a spell, but Paulie was faster. Chains of light erupted from the ground, binding the lich. He could still move, which meant he could still cast, but it was difficult. It became even more difficult when Aurora charged him and began striking him repeatedly.

Thank god this wasn’t World of Warcraft, or I might have had to yell at Aurora for breaking the crowd control. But the chains held.

“HOW?!” The lich cried out.

“Kiteo, his eyes closed,” I said. Understanding was beyond him anyway. “It doesn’t matter. None of this matters, for you at least.” I held out my hand again. “In the name of God, impure souls of the living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation.”

“AMEN.” Aurora and I said simultaneously. I’d have to thank Kira again for getting us those animes. It was nice having Aurora understand what I was saying. Next: MEMES. AHAHAHA!

<You’re such a dork.>

Another disintegrating ray shot out from my hand, striking the lich. He roared – not in pain, he would feel none – but in outrage. And then he was silent forevermore. The river Temarc in winter. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

The others finished off the devourer, so Paulie went over to heal them up. Aurora, meanwhile rushed over and grabbed me by the shoulders. She looked me over, scowling. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

She hugged me tight to her. “Don’t scare me like that!” she said. She was crying, so I held her. It was a little awkward since we were both in armor.

“Sorry,” she said. “I don’t know why I’ve been so emotional. Just please, promise me you’ll be careful.”

“Don’t worry. Nothing’s going to happen to me.”

“Okay,” she said. “Now what do we do?”

“We have to find the lich’s phylactery.”

“Why don’t we have a drink or three first, to celebrate?” Paulie asked. That wine wasn’t going to last through the end of the wing at this rate. I found myself wishing there was something for him to light on fire just so I wouldn’t have to deal with the hippie anymore.

“Once everything’s calm, Master Paulie,” Geo interceded. “But first we should see what’s down that hidden trap door.”

What. “Trap door?” I asked.

“Over there, in the corner. Can’t you see it?”

Now I was annoyed. “Of course I can see it, but I need proof you can see it. Open it.” No, I couldn’t see it. But I was cranky after having died. Again.

<You were dead for less than a second.>
<Eight point oh three two milliseconds, to be precise. What’s your point?>
<Oh, you.>

“See?” Geo said. “Right here.” He opened the hatch, revealing a ladder down into another chamber. He dropped right down through the hole. None of that did anything to make me less cranky.

I followed after Geo. We were in another crypt of some kind with three sarcophagi. “Hold back,” I told the others. “The room is fairly small and we don’t want to crowd the place. I’ll just use my magic sight to look for traps while Geo looks for more mundane ones.”

Only, I didn’t get to complete the last sentence. Three words in, I noticed Geo opening one of the sarcophagi. It doesn’t matter which one. All were emanating obscene amounts of necromantic magic.

Picard, his hand outstretched. Picard, his face in his hand.

Decorative reliefs upon the walls shifted, unleashing a wave of powerful necromantic energy through the room. I cried out in agony. Not gonna lie, there might have been tears. It hurt a lot. I vaguely recall Aurora crying out my name in concern.

There was kind of a clicking sound all around, as if the trap was trying to draw on a source of fuel that simply wasn’t there. Then it was silent and I was lying there in Aurora’s arms. Once she was sure I was okay, she dropped me. “You jerk!” she shouted, storming over to the ladder but not leaving the room.

Geo, none the worse for wear – in fact, he looked more vibrant and alive than before – had managed to open the first sarcophagus. Within was a pile of valuables, which we gathered up for deconstruction later. In the second, which I only let him open because the magic aura was gone, was a pile of books.

Geo began examining the tomes, but before he could snatch any, I stopped him. “Nope,” I said. “Those are spellbooks. Mine.”

Geo grinned. “Fair enough. Let me know if there’s anything I might find useful in there.”

Like that would happen. “Sure.”

The final sarcophagus had a magical aura remaining, but it was different than before. I had Geo open it, but not until I was on the far side of the room. Aurora put herself between me and the danger, but she still didn’t say anything.

It was all for nothing. The stone coffin opened with no incident. I went back to inspect it and was amazed at what I saw within. The Lich was beginning to regenerate. It was very, very preliminary, but there could be absolutely no doubt.

“What’s that?” Geo asked, pointing at the newly formed bone fragments.

“This whole coffin must be his phylactery,” I said, using my magic sight to confirm. “Yes, it seems to be.”

“So, what do we do?”

I pulled a full brick of C-4 from my back. “Do you even need to ask?”

We headed back up the ladder and Paulie healed my wounds once more, taking the time to do so more efficiently with numerous smaller spells. Then, only when he was sure I was okay, Lenn hit me.

“What the hell?!" I asked from my vantage point on the cold, hard ground.

“STOP MAKING AURORA CRY!” He pulled me to my feet and his face was inches from mine. I would have to invest in a toothbrush for him. “She’s a girl. It’s not good to make girls cry.”

I thought he was going to hit me again, but Aurora intervened. “It’s okay, Lenn,” she said, her hand on his forearm. “Our work is dangerous. Sometimes one of us is going to get hurt. I don’t like it. It terrifies me to think something might happen to him, or any of you, for that matter. But it could happen. I just have to get used to the idea and try to remember that, no matter what happens, so long as one of us lives, they’ll make sure to bring back the others.”

Lenn let me go. “That’s okay then.” He glared at me again before his face returned to its usual oblivious expression.

“That said,” Aurora whispered into my ear after Lenn had walked away. “If you die on me and don’t find a way back, I swear I will find you in the afterlife and kill you.”

It’s great to be loved. “Right back at you.” I held out the detonator. “You want the honor?”

“We’ll do it together,” she said, giving me one of those smiles that turn my brain to mush.

Just like my parents always said, it’s the little things couples do that keep a marriage strong.

A Star Wars reference followed by a cluster of Star Trek references? It's more likely than you think. :P


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Humourous but not Funny

Spoiler:
It’s not like I can’t understand what’s bothering Aurora. I worry about her as well. And beyond that, I can understand why she’s so worried. If everyone I had ever cared about had died, I might be overprotective of those around me as well. So, don’t get me wrong. I get it. I’ve just always chafed a bit under the watchful eyes of those I love.

Heavens know my parents could tell you all kinds of stories. Like the time I snuck out to walk to the library during a lightning storm because my mom didn’t want us going outside until the storm had passed. Got pelted with hail for my trouble. Also, grounded. But dammit, I got that book I’d wanted. And six others. Hey, I needed something to do that afternoon and the internet was down, because, again, lightning storm.

It was something Aurora and I would have to work on. I could devote myself to her, but I also need freedom to take the dumb ass risks that sometimes are just a part of who I am. I gotta be me.

Speaking of dumb ass risks, I may have used too much C-4 on the phylactery. Because the explosion shook the entire Runeforge complex like a major earthquake. The cops showed up, telling us that the people on the demiplane two blocks down were calling in noise complaints. Our landlord slipped a passive aggressive note under the door telling us he was jacking up the rent by a hundred a month because we violated the complex’s ‘no party’ clause. And our downstairs neighbors started banging on their ceiling with a broom handle.

No, but seriously, the explosion shook everything, almost knocking me from my feet. Once the rumbling stopped, we checked to make sure that the coffin was destroyed. Destroyed was the wrong word. ‘Rent Asunder’, perhaps. There were pieces of it embedded in the walls. And the floor. Not the ceiling though, which was instead riddled with dents where pieces of stone had bounced off of it.

But regardless, the phylactery was utterly destroyed and all its magic had dissipated. To quote one of the great thinkers of my generation, Cyborg: “BOO-YAH!”

As we reached the central Runeforge chamber, we were nearly bowled over by the Rangers, who were running our direction at full speed. They smelled awful. Like, Comic-Con awful. “What happened?” one of them asked. “The ground shook.”

I couldn’t help myself. “The ground shook? Perhaps you made love?” Aurora made a choking sound. I grinned.

“What?”

“Well, you see, when a man and a woman, or a man and a man, or perhaps even a man and a high end sports car love each other very much, sometimes the man…”

“Kyle,” Aurora chided.

“Sorry. We may have gone overboard destroying a lich’s phylactery. How about you guys? You seem to have gotten into some shit. Literally.” I zapped them with cleaning magic to make my point.

“Thanks. Yeah, we encountered resistance. Before you get mad, we didn’t intend to engage anything, but these demonic ooze things ambushed us and dragged me into the water – if you can call it that. I was lucky that Joei managed to release that water elemental.”

One of the other adventurers blushed. “I was just throwing levers and hoping something good would happen,” she said.

I laughed. “We’ve all been there. Good job, you guys. Now, tell me, what intelligence do you have for me?”

“Oh, right. Here’s the map we’ve drawn. The water elemental is currently in this room. It ignored us after the oozes were gone. It’s probably still in there, furiously trying to clean up the room, not that it will be an easy job since there are pipes still pumping in that disgusting sludge.”

“We’ll go there first and see if we can shut those off,” I said. “Again, excellent job. Get some rest.”

The smell when we entered the halls of Sloth was intense and disgusting. I’ve never smelled anything that bad, and I’ve been in some sketchy as hell gas station bathrooms. The scent seemed to be coming from channels of some horrific effluvium. Calling the place a sewer would have been a kindness.

“Those walkways look slippery,” Aurora noted, looking a bit green around the gills.

“Yeah,” I said. “I noticed that. Give me a moment to prep a spell. We’re going to rise above this.” I pulled out my spellbook and got to work. It was harder than you’d think, and I was surrounded by a bubble of fresh air that would help shield me from the odor. It was that bad, that it was getting through. I can’t imagine how bad it was for everyone else.

Once I was done, I cast the spell, giving each of us about twenty minutes of wall walking. For my next trick, web slinging and sarcastic quipping during fights.

<You already do that second one.>
<Sarcastic? Moi? You wound me, sis.>

We walked up the walls to bypass the dangerous walkways. Well, everyone except Geo, who used the climbing ability to just walk along the walkway without risk of falling. Spoilsport. At least Lenn was enjoying it. I’m sure he’ll have somehow given himself the ability by this time next week.

The massive water elemental was furiously scrubbing the room when we entered. As the Rangers had told us, more disgusting fluids were flowing from pipes high on the wall. I cast a spell to let me speak Aquan, the language of the plane of water. “Hey there,” I said. “Sorry this place is so messy. The old owners were slobs.”

“Filth. Filth. Filth,” the elemental repeated, ignoring me.

“Good chat. Look, we’re going to try to turn off these pipes to stop the filth from flowing, then we’re going to go on ahead and make sure there aren’t any creatures left to get in your way, so you can clean in peace. Once you’re done cleaning, if you head out to the central chamber, one of the other tunnels leads to a place with a likely portal to the plane of water so you can get home. Just ask the mephits when you get there.”

It stopped cleaning and studied me for a moment. “Good,” it said. “Fair trade.” It then went back to cleaning, leaving us to study the levers. Upon inspection, there was a plaque underneath the levers, but it was unreadable due to being covered in filth. Easy enough to fix with a little magic.

Sure enough, each lever was labeled. Once we could see that, it was simple enough to pull them, though we had to have Lenn do it since they were stuck. Once that was done, the flows trickled to a stop. That should do it.

We headed down a fairly narrow hallway, too narrow for Lenn to walk on the wall, so he had to walk in the shallow sludge. We’d have to burn those boots if my magic couldn’t get them clean later. About thirty feet down the hall, it opened up into a round chamber maybe fifteen feet across.

Once Lenn reached the middle of the chamber, he disappeared under the sludge. I reacted quickly, conjuring a trio of small water elementals. “Our friend fell in the muck,” I told them, still speaking Aquan. “Pull him out, quickly!” They clearly didn’t like the idea, but they were bound to my will and did it.

They dragged Lenn up, coughing. “Gross!” he roared. “I breathed in some.”

“Paulie, you got a disease curing spell?” I asked.

“Oh, yeah. Let me get him.”

I commanded the elementals to check under the muck for any dangers, then cleaned Lenn with magic. A few moments later, the elementals returned, carrying a magic rod and a bag emblazoned with the rune of Greed. “What did you find?” I asked the elementals.

“Body below. No dangers. This was all he had left.”

“Thanks,” I said. “You did good.” I took the disgusting stuff and let them disappear, returning home. After cleaning both, I checked in the bag and found the wizard’s spellbook, which had been protected from the sludge thanks to the bag’s magic. Nice. At the rate I was going, I would have my own library of spellbooks soon enough.

We continued along, coming to a room where one of the walls had been eaten away by the toxic sludge, carving out a cavern in the sewer. That got me to wondering what would happen if the walls were breached. Were we in some kind of vaccuum? Was their air pressure outside? Was there an indestructible wall around the Runeforge? Scary thought. I mean, I’ve got protection. But what about the others?

I didn’t have long to contemplate the matter, because out of the water flew a pair of giant tadpoles. I recognized them immediately. “Chernobues!” I shouted. “Be careful, their poison is extremely dangerous.” They were Qlippoth, natives of the Abyss I’ve mentioned before. These particular creatures are known to love spreading their filth anywhere they can, trying to destroy mortals and end the existence of sin in a bid to prevent demons from spawning in the Abyss. Basically, a giant turf war between Qlippoth and demons, with us mortals caught in the middle as a strategic resource one side wanted to deny to the other. Of course, these could swim through the air.

“GLORIOUS!” Paulie shouted. Crap. “Come forth, my ancestors! Let us share in the glory!” He conjured an army of ghostly figures, all armed with bows.

When in Rome, do as the Romans. When in the Festering Halls of Sloth, summon things to fight for you. And when the cat man summons his axe crazy ancestors to fight fiends, don’t let yourself be outdone. I don’t think they cover that lesson at Hogwarts.

I conjured a Bralani – a type of celestial I’ve mentioned before – to help me. She popped into existence before me, took one look at the Qlippoth and grinned. “You,” she said to me, “can summon me any time you want!” She turned into a ball of wind and began throwing lightning bolts and blasts of air at the foes. Bralanis love a good fight.

Aurora gave me a dangerous look, one eyebrow raised. “Friend of yours?”

“Never met her before.” I didn’t need to read her mind to tell that she was a bit skeptical about that.

Aurora used her gun rather than risk flying over the water. Geo and Lenntu abused their wall walking to get into prime striking range. Lenn, being Lenn, flew straight at them. When the fight was over, we had to fish him out of the water, again, after he flew right into a wall. I’m getting the feeling that water elementals everywhere are starting to form a union to demand people like me stop sending them into the muck after their friends.

We entered what can only be called the ‘Throne of Sloth’ and, let me tell you, it was a sight. In each corner of the room was a slow flowing pipe, dripping differing colored liquids: red, black, green and yellow. Yep, you guessed it. The ‘Four Humours’. And here I had hoped that stupidity was just an Earth thing. Well, I guess the ‘Four Elements’ were a thing here too, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

On the massive throne sat a corpulent, bloated blob of a man. From his chest erupted a mass of slimy tentacles. “Greetings, foretold heroes. You have done well, clearing out those fools from the other wings. Lord Krune was wise to let you live. I, Jordimandus, his humble servant, bid you welcome.”

Paulie gave him a look and began laughing heartily. I glanced over at him once he’d stopped and he just shrugged. “Don’t mind him,” I said. “He’s strange. Look, we’re not unreasonable. So we’ll make you an offer. You will go with us to the place where your master was putting people in stasis and we’ll do the same to you. Then, once he wakes up, if he wants to come get you, that’s up to him.”

“And let you continue to mess up my home when it’s already how I like it? Sorry, but even if the master wants to see you destroy Karzoug, and yes, he has indeed figured out your target, you can’t just walk into a man’s home and start messing with his things.” He cast a spell, conjuring five babau – emaciated horned demons whose leathery skin weeps an acidic sludge, perfectly fitting for this environment – between us and him.

I laughed. “Interesting words to speak to a group of murder hobos. Well, maybe not hobos anymore. We do own a house. Anyway, a fight it is, then.”

“One moment,” Paulie said. “Tell me, Jordimandus. What would the chief priest of Lissala say if he knew you had consorted with demons? That WHAT WOULD KRUNE SAY IF HE KNEW YOU SERVED JUBILEX?!” Oh, wow. I had completely missed that.

“You’ll never find out!” Krune shouted back. “Attack!”

He conjured more and more monsters to keep us from reaching him, including a hezrou*, a trio of chaos beasts** and a number of varied elementals.
<*Massive, scaly, disgusting demons; **Writhing masses of tentacles whose very touch can cause one’s body to lose the stability of its form>

Honestly, the demons were a wise choice. I’ve already shown a tendency towards using lightning to attack and many demons have a natural immunity to electricity. Devils might have been a better choice, considering our firebug tiefling, but still, it wasn’t a bad choice at all. The joke was on him, however. I didn’t have much left in the way of direct attack magic prepared.

I did have one more summon spell of any merit left. I used it to conjure up a quartet of Lantern Archons. Immediately after doing so, I realized that those would have been great against the nightwing. Oh well, we lived, it was fine. And they were doing a fairly good job of focusing on individual demons to thin out the enemy ranks.

Jordimandus had taken to the air and was raining down damaging spells on us. Honestly, despite the dangerous acid spells he was throwing, I was more worried that he might go all Asylum Demon and try to butt slam us. He was a rather large fellow, after all.

Then he decided to do something stupid. He blasted Lenn with a disintegrating ray.

Our companion cried out in pain, but survived the blast. Geo flipped instantaneously back to Jack. “Master Kyle, I implore you, bring him to the ground so that I might tear out his heart with my bare tentacles.”

His voice, calm yet icy, sent a shiver down my spine. Still, I couldn’t resist. “Will do. But I should warn you, there might be protective magic on him, so you’ll need to repeat the chant of protection when you do so. I’ll teach it to you.” He nodded and I cast the spell to cause my body to emit an antimagic field. “Aurora, alley oop!”

She turned and nodded. I ran towards her at full speed and jumped into her interlaced fingers. She lifted me as hard as she could as I jumped again. Once in the air, Juiz activated the stabilizing jets for a boost.

The look of surprise on Jordimandus’ face as I grabbed his dangling leg was priceless. The look of terror as he realized he was falling, equally so. But I’d bet the best face of all was mine when I realized that he was above me as we fell.

I narrowly avoided becoming a mancake, but still managed to remain close enough to the corpulent wizard that he couldn’t fly away. Stuck on the ground, he couldn’t even stand on his own.

“Wait!” the wizard cried out. “Please, don’t hurt me! I have information you’d find useful. I can tell you how to use the Runeforge! And there’s more about the prophecy that I can tell you! Just please, spare me!”

I gave Jack a look. “Sorry, Jord, can I call you Jord? But it seems my friend Jack here has his heart set on this.”

Jack laughed sinisterly at my inadvertent pun. He then straddled the man and began chanting. “Kali ma, Shakti de! KALI MA SHAKTI DE!” And as the wizard screamed in a mixture of terror and pain, he ripped the writhing, black, be-tentacled heart from the man’s chest.

It was horrifying, but part of me wanted to laugh at the fact that I’d actually gotten him to chant that. Well, that was one more thing off the old bucket list.

<Your bucket list is really weird.>
<There are some things a man just has to do, you know?>

The sounds of fighting died down fairly quickly after that. “Everyone okay?”

“The vile fluids in the corners were alive and attacked us,” Paulie said. “So I killed them. Gloriously.”

“Yeah, that’s probably fine.”

Lenn held up the limp form of a dead quasit. Where had that come from? Jordimandus’ familiar? “Can I make this into sausage?”

“Probably best not to,” I said. “I’m sure it would ruin the flavor of anything you put it into.”

Lenn licked it and made a disgusted face before tossing the corpse away. “Okay.”

Jack held up the slimy heart of Jordimandus. “Can I keep it?”

“Probably best not to. But let’s take a vote. All in favor of burning the demonic heart before something horrible happens, raise your hand.” Everyone but Lenn and Jack raised their hands. “All who instead want to let him keep it?” Just Jack. “The ‘Burns’ have it.”

Jack shrugged. “Was worth a shot. Just curious, really. So tell me, Master Kyle, why did you call me Jack earlier?”

Oh crap, I did say that aloud, didn’t I? “It’s just when your personality shifts like this, you remind me of someone famous back home.”

“Oh? What was he famous for?”

“He was, uh, very curious about the internal anatomy of people and wasn’t one to let a little thing like the fact that people were alive dissuade him from studying their insides.” Well, to be fair, no one really knew what Jack the Ripper’s modus operandi was. So, yeah, no one needed to tell him that I thought he was a few drinks away from murdering hookers out in the fog.

He grinned. “I like it. You may continue.”

We searched through Jordimandus’ things. He had some interesting stuff, but most interesting was the set of notes and one sealed letter tucked into his spellbook. The notes were basic observations, including his suspicions on what would work as catalysts for weapon-making in the Runeforge. For the most part, my guesses had been right. Either he had been bluffing about his knowledge of the prophecy, or it simply wasn’t written down.

The letter was more interesting by far. I touched it and the seal reacted, allowing the letter to unfurl on its own.

To the Star Traveler,

I bid you greetings. My divinations have revealed to me that you shall be facing off against my hated foe, Karzoug, when your time comes. So it is that I have decided to help you. You find yourself at a crossroads. By this point, you realize that you need a weapon made of the Runeforge to continue, but you know not who best to wield it. Of course, you also likely suspect that if one is not attuned to it, one will have trouble wielding it properly, which would also be a mistake.

Long ago, for you at least, the lords of the Runeforge learned a method for discerning what Virtues of Rule one was most attuned to. At least, they claimed to have done so. By taking a person who embodied all Virtues and giving them a drink from the waters of the Runeforge itself, they could see the Virtue that the person’s disposition most opposed. Again, or so they claimed.

In truth, they could see something, but they lacked the ability to decipher what they saw. That is why I am most excited that you have made it this far. You see, the prophecy has stated that you alone would understand these visions. That you alone would have the knowledge needed. So, in the spirit of friendship with one who would bring down one of those opposed to me, I give you this knowledge.

I understand that you will not likely be one who embodies all Virtues, nor is it likely any of your companions will either. But our divinations have revealed that one can still make it work if you can take the lacking virtues into yourself temporarily, though what that means, they did not say.

It is my sincere hope that when I return, I will find you waiting with a hand extended in friendship and gratitude for my aid. It would be unfortunate if you were to forget those who did you favors in the past.

Your friend,

Krune

Huh. Weird. Well, it was at least understandable why he might help. And perhaps better to risk us winning than to risk waking to find Karzoug ready to destroy him. It was a simple matter of probabilities. If we lost, then he was one hundred percent screwed. If we won, well, maybe he’d be able to negotiate with us. Bide his time before trying to destroy us.

And, of course, there was the possibility that we’d die even if we won. So yeah, smart money was on hoping we’d win.

I explained the note to the others. Aurora didn’t like it. “Perhaps if one of us did it and told you?” she suggested. “You might be the only one who can break the enchantment, if it’s a trap.” It was a fair point. But I still got the feeling that it wouldn’t work if someone just described it to me. Maybe the vision is dependent on the person, for instance, and I was the one in a million point where the vision would be understandable?

“No, I think it has to be me. Look, we can also just take a guess at what works best. No guarantee, of course, but it’s worth consideration at least.”

“What are the odds it’ll be the deciding factor in our final confrontation?” Lenntu asked.

“No idea. I suspect small, but perhaps not negligible.” I sighed. “Let’s do it. If worst comes to worst, just kill me and revive me somewhere when you have someone who can break the enchantment.”

“I still don’t like it,” Aurora said. “But if you think it’s best, I’m with you. Do you have any idea how to accomplish it?”

I held up Jordimandus’ list of ingredients. “Yeah, I think I have an idea. But it’s kinda disgusting.”

And so it was that about an hour later, I found myself standing before the Runeforge, holding a tankard filled with a mixture of Ethillion, waters from the Pool of Elemental Arcana, ashes from the flames of Wrath, Inib wine and – most disgusting of all – a mixture of the four humours from the throneroom of Sloth. Next to me stood Juiz, holding a small cup filled with liquid from the Runeforge.

I drained the tankard. It took all I had just to avoid throwing up. “The other one, please. Quickly.” I downed the liquid from the Runeforge in a single gulp. You know, it wasn’t that bad. Tasted a bit like Pepto Bismol, which was handy because I really needed some right now.

The world seemed to partially melt away and I saw a formless being standing next to me. “Greetings!” he said, jovially. “I am the spirit of the Runeforge, not that you can understand me…wait, you CAN understand me?” I nodded. “Glorious day! At long last, the master has arrived! I knew you would come. I just knew it! I could sense it in you when you first arrived. That’s why I called out to you.”

So that’s why I had felt drawn to the Runeforge when I first arrived? “Slow down here,” I said. “I’m your master?”

“Yes! You slew the other lords of Runeforge and you can understand me! I am at your service, Lord.”

“What is your name?”

“I have no name. I am simply the embodiment of this place, an amalgamation of seven arcane essences given life. If you wish to give me a name, I will gladly accept it.”

“Fair enough. Vigil, then.” Yeah, I know. Laziness. I promise, I’ll let Aurora name our children if the best I can come up with is Squall Leon or Yuna Rikku.

His eyes widened in awe. “Oh heavens, I think I like that name. Vigil. Yes, that will do quite nicely.”

“Okay then. Vigil, I’ve been told that you can tell me what Runeforged weapon would best suit each person.”

“Well, sort of. I don’t know, myself. But I can show you the form of that which they should contest. None before has managed to understand it, but you are the first to understand me. You are the master. You will understand.”

Well, it was worth a shot. “Show me.”

I witnessed the world melting away before my very eyes. I was back in space, walking among the stars. Nothing was happening around me, but I knew there had to be something. Yes, as I looked, I began to see it.

Constellations. I could see them. My mind overlaid lines upon the stars and it began taking shape. Aurora and Geo were fighting a giant serpent. Lenn battled a boar. Lenntu fought against a massive bear. And Paulie was facing against a wild-eyed goat.

Heh. The prophecy wasn’t kidding when it said I would possibly be the only person who could understand the signs. Not only did I see the constellations, which might be difficult for anyone, but I knew what each of those meant. Because it was in an anime. As to how that happened, I don’t know. But the four humours stupidity had reached across worlds, so why not this?

Aurora and Geo were battling Diane, the Serpent Sin of Envy. For them, I would combine Wrath and Gluttony to give them each a weapon against abjurers. Lenn was fighting Merlin, the Boar Sin of Gluttony. For him, I would combine Envy and Lust – weird, but he does like hookers – to make a weapon against necromancers.

Lenntu was fighting King, the Grizzly Sin of Sloth. For him, I would combine Wrath and Pride, to make a weapon against conjurers. And Paulie was fighting Gowther, the Goat Sin of Lust. For him, I’d combine Gluttony and Greed to make a weapon attuned to fighting enchanters.

That left me. But I couldn’t find a constellation for me. “Vigil, am I not represented?”

“No, Master. You are hard to read. It is likely because of the magic you worked to commune with me.”

“Ah, I see.” Well, truth said, if the others were set in stone, there really was only one choice for me. We needed one, after all. “Okay, take me back. It’s time to begin crafting.”

“Of course, Master. Now that you’ve been attuned, you can touch the waters of Runeforge with no danger, so make use of my power as you need.”

We were back in the room, everyone looking at me like I was crazy. “They can’t see you. Any way to let them see?”

“Oh, yes. If your mind gives me form, I can let them see whatever form you give me. Though only after they are attuned to their weapons.”

“Let’s get working, then.” I crafted each weapon, but before giving them to the others, I cast a spell to allow me to hear their thoughts. I was worried about what effects these weapons would have on their minds. Vigil tried to assure me that they would simply amplify their natural tendencies, but still, I was concerned.

Juiz had been handling the weapons so I wouldn’t touch them after they had been enhanced. With her artificial mind, she would be immune from the empathic weapons’ effects. She gave Lenntu his gun first. His mind was a jumble of competing thoughts, but finally the weapon and his mind attuned. “The path of virtue! Freedom from tyranny and fear. LIBERATION!” Vigil crowed. He didn’t seem to be concerned over what the attunement was, simply exultant in serving his purpose.

Next came Paulie. His mind was also a jumble – which is normal, for the cat man. More than that, it became a cacophony of voices each speaking at once, before ringing out as a number of bells as they all attuned. “I hear many voices!” Vigil marveled. “For some, the path is that of sin. The ability to join together with others and take what they need. PARASITISM! For the rest, it is the path of virtue. The ability to join with others to benefit both sides. SYMBIOSIS!”

Lenn was next. His mind was mostly blank, but it began to attune with an intensity I hadn’t seen. “The path of sin,” Vigil said. “Envy of others, not what they have but who they are and what they can do. JEALOUSY!”

Then came Geo. “There are two minds within, though they are somehow the same and different all at once. For one, it is the path of sin. Taking joy in hurting others to advance oneself. SADISM! For the other, it is the path of virtue. Willingness to do what is necessary to help others, no matter how much it hurts oneself. COMPASSION!”

Aurora came next. Unlike the others, there was no moment of hesitation. She attuned immediately. “The path of virtue! Duty, honor and concern for the well-being of others above oneself! COMPASSION!”

Finally, it was my turn. With trepidation, I took my gun, which I had modified with the power of Pride and Lust, from Juiz. My mind was filled with images. Such terrible images. It was as if I could see the world of the future. With the power I had gained, I could return home and become the greatest person to ever live. Whole nations – no, entire worlds! – would bow down before me. All I had to do was reach out and take it.

I would be a dictator, but I could do so much good. I could end poverty. I could prevent all war. Disease would be a thing of the past. The world would be perfect. It would be difficult. But I could make the world what it truly should be.

I had thought these things before, like many of my generation. Thought that, if the world would just listen to me, just hear my wisdom, then it would be a better place. I had the power to make the world listen now. And with Aurora at my side, I was sure we could truly make the world a better place.

But that would rob people of their free will, their right to choose their own destiny. No, I couldn’t. That was the path of sin. I wasn’t okay with that. Who was I to dictate what was right? Not even God took away man’s right to choose his path. What right had I to do so?

But perhaps there was another way. Not the way of the dictator setting the path, but of the trailblazer, finding one of many paths, clearing the way for others to follow. Some would follow me, and I would hold out my hand to pull them along forward with me. Yes. That I could do.

The images the weapon showed me began to change. No longer did I see visions of rule. None bowed before me. I instead saw myself running forward, and others following behind. And there were those beside me, helping blaze the trail.

And that was the way, wasn’t it? To be the tip of the drill, revolving ever forward, with each step becoming more than we were before. Little by little, advancing with every turn, each person’s dreams revolving together in a many-strand helix, drilling forward to tomorrow. That’s Tengen Toppa! That's Gurren-Lagann! Our drill would be the drill that creates the very face of existence, from tomorrow, to the day after and the day after that, up into an infinite future!

Vigil stared at me, his mouth open. His face told me that I had done something unexpected. “Th-The path of Virtue! The desire to lead only those who wish to follow in creating a shared path to a better tomorrow!

“COMMAND!”


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The Black Swordsman

Spoiler:
“That look on your face,” I said to Vigil. “Was it really that odd?”

“You are clearly proud and lustful as well as an exceptional person. The world not only will bow before you, it should do so. Yet you don’t want that? Not only do you not want it, but you actively rail against it? I don’t understand. And even more than that, I don’t see how it’s possible.”

“I made a choice,” I said, as though that answered everything, because it did. “It’s that simple.” Time to change the subject. “So, shall we reveal you to the others now?”

At least, I started to say that. I was interrupted by the massive statue of Karzoug coming to life. Because of course it did. It looked right at me and spoke. “You again. I can’t help but be inspired by your optimism, but alas, you will not live to turn your weapon against the might of Xin-Shalast. Your fate is death, here in the Runeforge.” With that, the statue swung at me. I narrowly avoided being turned into paste, and only because I had quickly cast a spell to surround myself in mirror images while it was talking.

Paulie laughed. “GLORIOUS!” He quickly cast his own spell. With a great creak, the statue of Alaznist lurched to life, brandishing its massive ranseur.

“GIANT!” Lenn roared, charging the statue of Karzoug.

“Heh, heh, heh,” Lenntu chuckled and began firing. I’d have to teach him a more shotgun appropriate battle cry later.

“We will fight you, no matter what you send at us!” Aurora declared, dancing between the statue’s legs and slamming her blade into one of its calves.

“A pity,” Jack said. “Nothing interesting about the insides of a statue. Unless it’s got hidden compartments to store loot. Ooh. Let’s look for those! Hear me, greed lord? WE’RE GOING TO TAKE YOUR STUFF!”

That last one enraged Karzoug and he changed his focus, going after Jack instead of me. Jack used his chameleon skin to make himself harder to see, and thus, hit. I took advantage of the reprieve and tried hitting the statue with a spell, but nothing. It wasn’t resistance, it simply was immune. Great.

In the end, Paulie’s statue grappled Karzoug’s and our heavy hitters began beating the statue to death. Or whatever. It was weird.

Karzoug didn’t take it well. “This is not the last! Fine. Come then, heroes. Seek me atop Mhar Massif, if you value life so poorly. You should be honored to be the first fools executed under the banner of Shalast in ten thousand…” He didn’t finish, because Lenn smashed the statue’s head. I didn’t even get to make a ‘pwned’ joke.

In case you’re wondering, the statue didn’t have any secret compartments.

Once we were done, we filled in the remaining holes in the Rangers’ gear with some of the loot we’d gathered in the Runeforge. I gave the wizard, Ikki, one of the many spellbooks we’d found to replace the one he’d lost when he had been transformed into a fish. He would need to get a new spellbook of his own, eventually, but this would work for now.

I also handed him a magic satchel. “What’s this?”

“Useful scrolls. Inside is a handy guide for when to best use them.”

“I’m not expecting to get into a fight.”

I shrugged. “It’s best to expect it, but hope it doesn’t happen.”

“Fair enough. I’ll give it a read.”

“I’d skim it now, while we get you all some potions.”

“Expecting something?”

“Not really,” I said with a smile. “But we did kill a dragon outside and one of the ancient stories suggested he had a mate, so better to be prepared before we leave. Again, not expecting anything, but you know, better safe than sorry.”

“Got it.”

With that in mind, I made sure every one of my easy to access compartments on my armor had a steel phial with a useful potion in it and hung my last few grenades in easy reach off my belt. Nothing out of the ordinary, just the same basic preparations I did every single day. No way would anything happen.

I left Vigil instructions for while we were gone, then we opened the portal and stepped through, once more returning to the icy chamber. So far, so good. Then we heard a woman scream. “That came from one of the passages!” Aurora called out. “We should go help!” It was clear that her weapon was influencing her already strong protective tendencies.

We rushed off towards the sound of the scream. We only made it about halfway down the hall when my magic sight revealed the activation of a runic circle trap. “Yep,” I said softly, analyzing the trap in the second or two I had before the trap went off.

It was a very powerful, very complex trap. It would teleport the target – that would be me, only I could trigger it – back to the main chamber and block the tunnel we had gone down with a wall of iron. Then the entire cave system would become a dimensional anchor. For roughly an hour, no one in the cave could teleport.

Which means that I was the primary target. “I was wondering when you’d show up,” I said, all spitfire and bluster.

“Oh?” a voice answered. “Are you trying to say that you’ve been waiting for me?”

“Of course, Lyrie Akenja. It was only a matter of time before you came after me again. I have to ask though, why me in particular?”

“You killed my cat,” she said, her voice icy.

Had I? It was such a blur, but I focused a second. Huh. “Well, so I did. Look, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry for that. But in my defense, it attacked me first. I’m sure I can claim self-defense in a court of law.”

“COURT?!” she screeched. “There is no court for you! I tried to kill that which you most loved, to show you how it felt. I even arranged to have her soul eaten by daemons, to really drive the point home. But you screwed it up. You took the trap for her. I don’t know how you managed to get away from the daemons I arranged, but it doesn’t matter. I’ll kill you here again, then I’m going to go finish off your friends so no one will bother reviving you.”

“Oh? You mean you aren’t planning on having Lucrecia kill them first to fill me with hopelessness?”

“Lucrecia?” she laughed. “That b~~!* got what she deserved.” Interesting. “No. I’ve moved past that. I just want you dead and out of my life.” Good. It sounded like she hadn’t come with anything overwhelming for them with me split from the group. As long as she didn’t leave, they might have a chance.

As we had been speaking, I began casting buff spells. I had no way of being certain what she intended, but I knew what I would have done if setting a trap for a wizard. So I did my best to be prepared for that. I had been trained on how to fight other wizards, and it was all down to who had thought of everything and exploited their foe’s weaknesses best.

I also took time to assess what spells she had buffed herself with using my magic sight. The standard ones were there, but she was missing protection from targeted spells. Well, so was I. But that was on purpose. Yep, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Lyrie struck first. “DIE!” she shouted before using magic to try to turn me to stone.

Luckily, my newly enchanted weapon – proof against the effects of harmful transmutations – acted as an interdiction of the spell on my behalf. “You’ll have to do better than that!” I crowed, casting the last buff spell I would need.

“DIE!” she screeched again, hitting me with a ray of disintegration.

Which was another transmutation spell. Either Karzoug hadn’t told her about the effects of these weapons, or she was foolishly wasting more powerful transmutations to break through the defenses than necessary. If it had been me, I’d have hammered in a number of weaker transmutations before finally going full bore. “HAHAHA!” I laughed, then unleashed my rebuttal: Prismatic Spray.

Seven beams of light, all the colors of the rainbow, streamed out from my hand, darting forward at random angles and spreading out in a cone of chaos before me. Two of the beams hit Lyrie. The first was yellow, which functions as a powerful jolt of electricity. The second was the indigo beam. That would have been the game ender, rendering her completely insane. But she managed to resist its effects.

Or she was already completely insane, thus it having no effect.

Smarting from the damage I had caused, she leapt back into the nearest tunnel and covered its entrance with a wall of force. And here I was, having used up both of my prepared disintegration spells for the day. “You think you’ve won? You think this was my main plan, to trade blows with you?”

“I was hoping, yeah,” I said. If I could just kill her, even at the cost of my own life, my friends could revive me later. But now she was beyond my reach. I was kicking myself for not having made a laser gun, which could have fired right through the force wall. I immediately cast a spell to surround myself in a random array of illusory duplicates.

“Nice try, but you’ll find my golem more than capable of tearing through your mirror images.” With that, I saw the illusory wall she had cast fade, revealing a massive construct of mithral. It looked… familiar, for some reason.

It was the perfect choice. For fighting a wizard, nothing was better than a golem. Their natural resistance to most magic rendered us reliant on indirect attacks or on buffing our party members. Alone, with no party, I was probably screwed.

But I could buy time. The walls were high, and a mithral golem would only be able to use its ability to transform into liquid metal – T-1000 style – to attack me for about a minute before it no longer could. So I hit it with a slowing spell – the only of its two magic vulnerabilities I had actually prepared – and dashed right up the wall.

Once I was up there, I realized why it looked familiar. “The Gleam Eyes?!” I said incredulously. Sometimes it seems like the world likes throwing references at me that I’ll recognize. This time was almost uncanny. The golem looked like a massive goat-man, almost a perfect replica of a monster from an anime. Lyrie had even crafted an immense falchion for it to wield.

As predicted, the creature turned into a giant blob of liquid metal and began whipping its substance at me, trying to injure me. But I was surrounded by mirror images and further magic made it even harder to determine where I was. Between that and Juiz’s ability to take blows for me, I was sure I could last.

I cast quickly, summoning a flying Bralani azata. I shoved a small bag from my belt into her hands. “The instructions are in the bag!” I shouted. “Get to cover!”

“You think a summoned creature can help you?” Lyrie shouted. “You’re just wasting time, hoping your friends will save you. You’re going to be sorely mistaken.”

Eighteen more seconds. I cast another buff. I took a direct hit and my armor took damage. “Your overconfidence is your weakness!”

“AND YOUR FAITH IN YOUR FRIENDS IS YOURS!” What. Did we really just do that?

Twelve seconds. I recast one of the shorter buffs. “If this ends with your second in command throwing you down a shaft, I’m out.”

“What?” No one understands me.

Six seconds. I recast my mirror image spell. “Don’t worry about it. It’s over your head. Hey, Lyrie.”

“What?”

“That I would be vulnerable if you got me alone. I’m glad you thought that.” I conjured a wall of stone nearby, creating an area where the golem couldn’t go.

“You saying it’s untrue?”

Zero seconds. I used a spell to repair all damage to my armor and jumped down behind the wall, out of the golem’s reach now that it could no longer become liquid metal. “Oh, no. It’s true. If you got me alone, I would be extremely vulnerable to your golem. Especially if I was low on spells. Only problem is, I’m never alone.”

“What’s that supposed to…”

“The rock cried out, ‘No hiding place!’,” I said softly, giving the cue to the summoned Bralani. I heard her begin breaking gems in her hiding place behind a nearby pillar. “Sweet Mother, sweet Mother,” I chanted loud enough for Lyrie to hear. “Sweet Mother, sweet Mother, send your child unto me, for the sins of the unworthy must be baptized in blood and fear.” I then cast the spell I had prepared for specially for Lyrie’s attack.

You see, I had known it was coming. Xalassia had this quill, you see. I had pretended to the others that it was simply a magic writing tool that would help me write down spells more quickly, so they let me have it. But that was wrong.

It was, in fact, an artifact known as a Revelation Quill. Once daily, one could use it to learn cryptic information about specific events in the future. And I had managed to discover Lyrie’s intentions to ambush us here.

So why not tell the others the truth about it? Lyrie is a wizard, and like me, she is capable of scrying to learn what others are doing. It is said that, to deceive your enemies, it is often necessary to first deceive your friends. So I had.

And I had been preparing for this day since the moment I was last revived. The sack I had given the Bralani, for instance? Four elemental gems. A wall of force wasn’t much use if something could glide through the surrounding rock to bypass it.

Kira laughed. “NOW THAT’S MORE LIKE IT!” As souls began trading places and my body changed to match, she spoke to me. “Hey, Kyle.”

“Yes?”

“Have you ever wondered why it is that you wear black all the time, even though purple is your favorite color?”

“Not really. I just kinda feel naked if I’m not wearing black.”

“That’s because it’s my color,” Kira said. “The one who has kept you safe in numerous previous lives always wore black.”

Then that meant… oh wow. “I made the armor for you all along.”

“That’s not the only thing you made for me,” she said, drawing the two hilts from our belt. “LYRIE AKENJA!” she shouted. “I am Kira O’Halloran, Kyle’s twin. But that is not the only name I have been known by. I’ve had many names in my many lives, but in each of them, I was a warrior of skill, dressed in black and wielding a pair of blades forged by my twin.” She pressed the buttons on each of the swords and shards of black metal flew out, interlocking into long, slender blades. “So I will be your opponent. No longer do you face the wizard. Today, you face the Black Swordsman!”

The golem finally managed to break through the wall, giving Lyrie a moment to see Kira standing there. “So what, Kyle, you think you can change yourself and beat my golem with those ordinary steel swords?”

Kira snickered. “Ordinary steel? Is that what you think?” She was right about that. Those swords were not made of ordinary steel. “Hey, Kyle.”

“Yes?”

“Thanks. You have no idea how good it feels to have Fairy Steel in my hands again.” Again? Why would she say…?

As the secondary soul, I was no longer as restricted by the bonds of flesh. My entire life flashed before my eyes. But it wasn’t my current life.

“Well done, Prince Cedwyn!” the king said. “So few can stand against me like this.”

“Please, your majesty, you flatter me. Besides, the credit does not belong to me. I’d never be able to last this long if I didn’t have swords capable of standing up to yours without breaking.”

“Truly, a marvel to be sure. Your sister is an amazing woman. Alas that I do not have a son so our two houses could become one.”

“A daughter would suffice just as well, Majesty,” I said. “I have a brother, after all, and he has not yet wed.”

“A fair point, Princess Rhoslyn. So tell me, how did you make these marvels? Sorcery?”

“Not at all, Majesty. I simply studied the techniques used to make the steel of Damascus and improved upon them using a few more difficult to find materials. If you truly understand the steel, you can make it do anything you want.”

A figure wandered out from the shadows of a nearby tree. “Apologies for my intrusion, Majesty, Highnesses, but we have at long last located the dragon’s den.”

“Excellent, Merlin,” the king said with a fierce hunger. “Prepare an expedition at once!”

“As you command, Majesty. While I am here, I would also like to extend an offer to our guests. Care to join me in hunting a dragon?”

“I was born for this,” Cedwyn said.

“You can count on me, Old Crow,” I agreed.

The wizard grinned. “Just as expected from the Fairy Blacksmith and Prince Mordred Silverdew. Come, let us be off!”

What. “You were MORDRED?!” I asked my sister.

“I never liked that name. It was more of a title, really. It meant ‘bravery’. Got it for the time I killed two dozen Saxons single handedly.”

“So, does that make me…?” I left the question hanging.

“No. That’s a very fictionalized version of mother. They left you out of the propaganda. They had to, or they might have had to explain how you burned down Camelot.”

Oh. That. Yeah. I guess burned wasn’t the right description. I kinda called down a meteor. Or six. Look, that’s a story for another time. “We have a fight to worry about.”

“Good point. The Black Swordsman is fighting The Gleam Eyes. Think you can provide a little music?”

Well, I had been wearing the telepathic interface. I focused my thoughts. “Juiz, can you hear me?”

“Acknowledged.”

“If I were to play music in my head, can you play it from the speakers?”

“Acknowledged. Shall I add in accompaniment from other instruments?”

“Do it.” I mentally manifested a violin and began playing.

“THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!” Kira roared as the sounds of Swordland began filling the room. She charged, and for a moment the golem, a construct with absolutely no emotions, looked afraid.

“Now you’re mine!” Lyrie shouted. But before she could do anything, a quartet of earth elementals popped out of the ground around her and began wailing away. They wouldn’t be enough to kill her, but they could keep her busy long enough.

In my time adventuring with my companions, I’ve been a first-hand witness to a number of people’s fighting styles. Aurora fights with finesse and determination. Lenn throws his all into a single perfect swing. Geo studies, waiting for the perfect opportunity. All three fight to protect others.

Kira fights because she loves fighting. No. You misunderstand. I don’t mean she loves fighting. I mean, she LOVES fighting. Like, that way. I could feel it, the sheer giddiness as she joined battle, swords in hand, for the first real fight of this lifetime. And she couldn’t be happier. She fought with such an abandon, every inch of her body responding as if it had its own brain.

Even without the buffs I had cast on our body, I’m not sure the golem would have had a chance at defeating her. Even the few blows that connected were glancing, at best. Most were deflected by her twin blades or simply dodged.

And she was laughing the whole time. “FASTER!” she roared. “YOU’RE TOO SLOW!” Fairy steel bit into mithral. Inch by inch, cut by cut, she dismembered the golem. Soon it fought her with no legs. Then an arm was gone.

Dodging its weak, unwieldy blows, she peeled open its torso like a gift-wrapped present, exposing its magical core. “Do it,” I told her.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” she cackled, driving the crossed blades into the golem’s heart. It twitched, then stopped moving.

“I am impressed,” Lyrie said, bloody but alive after contending with the elementals. “But this ends now.”

“So it does,” I said, my voice projecting through the speaker. I gave Juiz a mental command to activate the radio. “Once upon a midnight dreary, as I pondered, weak and weary…”

A voice rang out over the radio. “Quoth the raven, Nevermore!”

I switched my playing to ‘Luminous Sword’. At the end of the other tunnel, Aurora was launched by the others, just like they’d launched Lenn earlier. She tore through the wall of iron like a football team through a team banner. Shards of iron exploded out like a shotgun blast, utterly shredding the wall of force.

Lyrie screamed incoherently and conjured a Hamatula – also known as Barbed Devils, the guards of infernal vaults of treasure and favored summons of powerful greedy summoners – between her and Aurora. Aurora engaged the devil and Kira dodged past it, at Lyrie. Our foe, panicking, conjured a wall of stone between her and us.

Then Lenn was there. And the wall didn’t have a chance. With the entire cave protected against teleportation, she had nowhere to go. I felt jubilant. Sure, I didn’t like the idea of killing someone unnecessarily, but this wasn’t unnecessary. So I stopped playing and began to sing.

“No hiding place down here!
No there’s no hiding place down here.
You know I went to the rock to hide my face,
But the rock cried out, ‘No hiding place!’
No there’s no hiding place down here.

You know the sinners gonna be running
At the knowledge of their fate.
They’re gonna run to the rocks in the mountains,
But their prayers will be too late!
You know they forgot about Jesus,
Not knowing that the end was nigh.
But they will be running, trying to find a hiding place
When it comes their time to die!

No hiding place on the mountain.
No hiding place in the waters.
No hiding place down here.
No hiding place!

I went to the rock to hide my face,
But the rock cried out, ‘No hiding place!’
There’s no hiding place down here.

You know, when the world catches on fire,
There’ll be no hiding place.
When the waters start boiling,
No hiding place!

No, there’s no hiding place down here!”

And thus it was that Lyrie Akenja, one of our most dangerous enemies, died, a victim of her own hubris. She thought that she had everything under control, only to learn that not to be the case. She took care of everything so that I could not escape her, but when the tables turned, it was she who could not escape.

A good lesson for the future, that. This work is dangerous, and often dirty. One must always be prepared for any eventuality, or when the time comes, you might find yourself running to the rock to hide your face and find that the rock has cried out 'no hiding place'.

And, of course, a good lesson for everyone: When you’re mad at someone for killing your cat, maybe a murderous vendetta isn’t the way to go. Call the cops. Or maybe take a crap on their patio. Run your lawnmower over their begonias. Key their car. Whatever, just keep it proportional and not insane.

I’m just sayin’.

Sorry this one took so long. It was a beast working out the varying rolls and everything with everyone. And my weird work schedule didn't help much.


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The Runeforge: Aurora’s Perspective

Spoiler:
From the first moment we approached the Runeforge, Kyle began driving me crazy. First with the dragon, and again at several points where I thought he was going to get himself killed. Again. I’m not sure I can take it much longer. We need to finish this fight soon.

What’s more, he was acting on edge. I knew he was worried about something, but whenever I’d ask, he would change the subject. If I tried to press the issue, he would lie and say that nothing was wrong. And the time I pressed past that, he promised he’d tell me once we made it back to Magnimar, but that it wasn’t something he could talk about now.

As we left the Runeforge, I found out what he was hiding. He had somehow known that we would be ambushed when we left. And, because my husband likes to overcomplicate things, he had decided that it was important that we fall for the ambush. He later told me that he believed that it was the only way to put an end to the threat of Lyrie Akenja once and for all.

I understand the goal, but I am not okay with his methods. Putting himself in personal danger is not acceptable. Not without at least trying to think of an alternative. I watched him die once already. I don’t that to ever happen again.

Well, either way, we ended up separated, facing different foes, just as he had planned. While he was dealing with Lyrie and her golem, we were faced with a tentacled devil woman – Kyle later told me that she was a Gylou, or Handmaiden Devil – and a quintet of black winged Erinyes. Three of the Erinyes were garbed in armor, while two were obviously dressed as spellcasters, wearing light, loose clothing and carrying wands.

Against our normal party without Kyle, we might have been in trouble against a force like that, but we also had the Rangers, so my initial estimates put us at an advantage. But that was before the two spellcasters began summoning monsters to even the odds. Fiendish bears at first, then other devils.

Lenn, one of the Rangers and I created a wall to protect the weaker party members. Geo went invisible and arrows began flying from behind us. But we weren’t getting any magical support. I glanced behind me and saw that the wizard was fumbling with a bag of scrolls.

“What are you doing?!” I shouted.

“Following instructions!” he called back.

Whose instructions? Of course, I knew the answer immediately. Kyle had an almost instinctive need to complicate things. “Well, hurry!”

I turned my attention back to the fight. The Gylou had been eyeing me for several moments. Apparently she didn’t like what she saw, because she charged me. Again, when I later told Kyle about it, he was amused, making that infuriating face he makes when he knows something I don’t.

Combat with the Gylou wasn’t anything too rough. It kept trying to grab me, but I managed to avoid it. The real problem was all of the summoned monsters. Lenn was also tired, unable to really draw on his anger to strengthen his attacks.

Geo managed to sneak behind one of the summoners, killing her in a flurry of blows from invisibility. That helped. But things really turned when the wizard finally acted. He cast a spell from one of the scrolls, the third spell cast, infusing Lenn with a magical rage.

Blazing wings of flame upon his back, Lenn tore through his foes, rallying us and more than turning the tide. It only lasted about twenty five seconds before the scroll caught fire in the caster’s hands, but it was more than enough. It took less than a minute to mop up.

We moved back down the tunnel to assist Kyle, but found it blocked by a wall of steel. “I have scrolls for this. And instructions for you, apparently.” The wizard handed me a folded note.

“Don’t be mad,” it read. “I knew this ambush was coming. Prepare to bust through the wall in a single moment after the Rangers have done their job of weakening it. I’ll give you a signal, but if you haven’t heard from me after about four minutes, burst through immediately.”

But how to do so? He had left it up to me. I considered for a short time. Lenn would normally easily be able to punch through, but he was tired and might have trouble. I could pull out Starbrite and break through, but the corridor might be a little tight. The chamber was big enough, it was just the tunnel.

Then it hit me. “Get that cable ready,” I said. “We’re going through.”

Then Kyle gave the signal. “Once upon a midnight dreary…”

I finally understood why he had insisted that I learn so much of his world’s popular culture. It gave us almost a secret language we could talk in. He could say something seemingly random and actually convey useful information. I waited the length of the poem until it came to my line. “Quoth the Raven, ‘NEVERMORE!’” I shouted, launching myself down the hall just like we’d launched Lenn at the dragon.

Once past the first wall, we had to break through another, then another as she continued trying to protect herself. But it wasn’t enough. Soon, we were upon her and I did what I had yearned to do ever since the moment she killed Kyle.

Most of the others looked a little ill as they turned away from the smear on the wall that had once been Lyrie Akenja’s head.

“I would have killed her slower,” a woman’s voice said from behind me.

I turned to see a woman in Kyle’s clothing and armor standing there, holding a pair of blades. He had told me that his sister’s soul was trapped in his brain, but until that moment, I don’t think I believed it. It was the clean, precise cuts upon the broken golem that sold it. There was no way he had done that.

“Kira, I presume?”

“Yep!” she said with a grin.

“Thank you for protecting him. I assume he’s in there?” I asked, pointing at her head.

“I’m here,” he said over the radio.

“How are you doing that?” I asked, a bit annoyed.

“SCIENCE!”

“Yeah, well, Mister Science, you and I are going to have a long talk about this whole ambush later.”

He didn’t have a throat, but I heard him gulp. “Yes, dear.” Kira just looked amused.

We set to gathering up the fragments of mithral lying around and things more or less returned to normal. After a few minutes, the spell wore off, with Kyle and Kira returning to normal. Relief spread through the party as Kyle continued to assure us that we really were done for the day, aside from looting.

“I have a question for you,” I heard the wizard say to Kyle.

“Go ahead.”

“When I used the scroll on the big guy, it caught fire. I’ve never heard of scrolls doing that. Any idea why?”

“I’m not sure. But maybe… ah, yes. That must be it,” Kyle said, stroking his chin. “It’s hard to get magic to stick to Lenn, so I had to make the scroll special. The paper it was written on was made of onions.”

“Onions?”

“Yes, but not just any onions. These were special. I planted them in soil infused with volcanic ash. I watered them with nothing but the squeezings of extra hot chile peppers. Then, every day, I yelled at them and struck them with a whip.”

“Why?”

“To make them angry. They had to get so angry that they could hold the pure rage we needed to pour into Lenn. I guess bursting into flame was just a side effect.”

“I’ve been trapped in there too long. I’ve never heard of such an advanced technique.”

“I’m sure you’ll be able to find plenty of books on it when we get back.”

After the other walked away, I slipped up next to my husband. “So, why did it really catch fire?” I asked, amused.

He shrugged. “It’s Lenn. Why does ANYTHING happen with him? No, I’m seriously asking. Because I can’t figure it out and it’s driving me crazy.” He looked positively baffled.

“Serves you right,” I replied, taking his hand into mine, just happy that no one had died this time. No one other than Lyrie and a few devils, I mean. And I could live with that.


I know, small update. But I've rewritten the next section twice and just couldn't get it right, so I decided to write this to take a breather and rethink how I wanted it to go(the combat portions have already been rolled out and whatnot, it's the rest of it).


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Psychologically abused chili pepper juice soaked onions. Nice!


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Turin the Mad wrote:
Psychologically abused chili pepper juice soaked onions. Nice!

Yeah, Kyle's either a troll or homesick for fast food.

Or both.


Poldaran wrote:
Turin the Mad wrote:
Psychologically abused chili pepper juice soaked onions. Nice!

Yeah, Kyle's either a troll or homesick for fast food.

Or both.

He makes himself an at-will fabricate mithral skillet, he'll be a line order cook supreme. I can think of worse things for a wizard to do in retirement. ;)


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Turin the Mad wrote:
He makes himself an at-will fabricate mithral skillet, he'll be a line order cook supreme. I can think of worse things for a wizard to do in retirement. ;)

Only problem with that is that, the way I've interpreted Fabricate, you have to know how something is made in relative detail. And Kyle has no idea how Doritos Locos Taco shells are made. By choice. He's afraid he wouldn't like them if he knew how they are made.

And there's no way he'd be satisfied just making regular tacos.


Poldaran wrote:
Turin the Mad wrote:
He makes himself an at-will fabricate mithral skillet, he'll be a line order cook supreme. I can think of worse things for a wizard to do in retirement. ;)

Only problem with that is that, the way I've interpreted Fabricate, you have to know how something is made in relative detail. And Kyle has no idea how Doritos Locos Taco shells are made. By choice. He's afraid he wouldn't like them if he knew how they are made.

And there's no way he'd be satisfied just making regular tacos.

Nah, you only need a high degree of skill to make "items requiring a high degree of craftsmanship". And the raw materials, or in the case of the skillet, to put the uncooked ingredients in. *Whoosh!* Cook a meal in six seconds, provided one has the requisite skill. Given the non-stressful nature of most cooking, relative to the stress of dragons attempting to barf lava on you or nightwings spewing undead all over Hell's half-acre, taking 10 shouldn't be much of an issue.

My guess is that Kyle could use such a skillet to whip up DC 20+ meals with such an item with nary a skill rank.

Also, tacos locos: the only difference is the flavoring of the taco shell, food wise. Kyle's almost certainly eaten Doritos. The shell of the Doritos Locos taco is regular plus Doritos. He'll be fine whipping those up with nary a skill rank taking 10. ;)


Turin the Mad wrote:
Also, tacos locos: the only difference is the flavoring of the taco shell, food wise. Kyle's almost certainly eaten Doritos. The shell of the Doritos Locos taco is regular plus Doritos. He'll be fine whipping those up with nary a skill rank taking 10. ;)

Oh, he knows that it's just a flavoring added. He has no idea how said flavoring is made. Give him the packet of flavoring and everything beyond that would be simple.

Also, I finally got on a roll. Should have the next section done by the end of next week.

Or at least, that's what I would be saying if I hadn't been informed this morning that I have a trainee for the next two weeks. >:(


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A Certain Scientific...

Spoiler:
“Kyle, what the hell are you doing?” My sister was not amused.

I continued my work. I had to focus. I had already bleached my coat and other clothing, so it was time for the dye. “Recoloring my clothes,” I said.

“Kyle. I LIKE black.”

“Then you can change the clothes with the cuffs when you take over the body.”

“Fine,” she said, rolling her eyes. I continued to work in silence for a couple minutes. “Okay, so what’s with the multiple dyes?” She sounded curious.

“A proper wizard’s robe should be adorned with stars and moons,” I stated matter-of-factly. “And if mine happens to have properly proportioned constellations on it, well, then so much the better.”

“God you are such a dork!” she said, laughing. “So what constellations are you going to put on there?”

“Orion, of course. Also thinking Draco, Vulpecula and Fornax, as well as a big Gemini on the center of the back.”

“I’m touched,” she said. “Okay, fine, I’ll allow it.”

Shortly after I had put the finishing touches on my clothes and set them to dry, Aurora burst into the room I had made into my workroom, clearly distressed. “What’s wrong?” I asked, concerned.

“I’m not going to be able to fit in!” she said, burying her face in my chest.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know how to make my clothes explode if I eat something delicious!” she sobbed.

I looked at her face. She was serious. “What.”

“On Earth, when you eat something delicious, your clothes are supposed to explode off of you!” Kira was in stitches. Clearly she knew something I didn’t.

“Where did you hear such a thing?” I asked, though I had my suspicions.

“It was on an anime I was just watching! I got three episodes in when I realized that I didn’t know how to do that!”

I deserve an award for not laughing at that moment, unlike my sister, who would have been gasping for air if she had to breathe at the time. Instead I hugged her close. “Dear, that’s not real. People don’t really do that on Earth.”

She looked up at me, unsure but relieved. “Really?”

I wiped away a tear from her eye. “Really.” I gave it a thought. “Though, I bet if I tried, I could probably make you clothes that explode away on command, if you really, really want. Maybe something in naughty lingerie?”

“KYLE!” Kira said, making choking noises.

Unable to hear her, Aurora gave it a thought. “No, I think that would be dangerous.”

“Fair enough,” I said. “I’m done here, shall I come join you to watch some more?”

“That sounds good. But do you think you can ask Genji if he can have the cook make us some bacon-wrapped mashed potatoes?”

How exactly does one respond to that? “With or without cheese in the potatoes?” I asked.

She gave it a thought. “Definitely with.” I love that woman. Cheese and potatoes. It’s the Irish way. At least, that’s what my dad loved saying.

All in all, our first several days back in Magnimar were pretty uneventful. Geo spearheaded research into the actual location of what the Thassilonians called “Mhar Massif”, but had so far been unsuccessful. Meanwhile, I had been working on crafting gear for everyone.

It was mostly run-of-the-mill magic items, the kind you’d see on any powerful adventurer. I did experiment with making a set of Strikers for Lenn to help him fly better, but apparently it’s impossible to make magitech knee-high leg covers with plane propellers that work with pants. And I’m not unleashing a flying, pantsless Lenn on the world.

My pet project, however, was to solve the problem I had encountered against Lyrie. My SMG had been moderately effective as long as I had adamantine bullets, but I needed something bigger. Much bigger.

The people whose technology was represented in the booklet we’d stolen from the Technic League – the Androffans, or at least so the Technic League called them – had a very interesting solution to such a problem. They had learned to manipulate gravity. Truly manipulate gravity, not like what I’d done to make my jump jets, which used specially focused electromagnetic waves to simulate reversed gravity. A push rather than a pull.

The Androffans were able to do something similar, it seemed, but instead used gravitons. The device described would crush any sort of material into a super-dense pellet and fire it like a rail gun. Well, I couldn’t do that. I had a very rough understanding of what they were doing, but I wasn’t sure how to harness it. The instructions seemed to assume that the person reading them had access to a full graviton lab, which I didn’t. I could probably replicate the facility with my workshop spell, if I knew what it needed. Which I didn’t.

But I did understand electromagnets enough to take a shot at making my own full rail gun. This was easier to say than do, of course. Due to the way a bullet is accelerated in a magnetic gun, the recoil force is lower than in a standard firearm, though the change in momentum is the same, due to time. Which means that they’re much easier to handle than a standard firearm.

All that changes when you’re launching a full sized slug – well, a slug the size of the ones I make for a Pizzicato – at Mach Seven. Sure, it has less kickback than a theoretical standard firearm with the same muzzle velocity, but it’ll still tear your arm off, or at least feel like it did.

That was problem one. Problem two was cooling. Even using an aluminum magnesium boride coating in the barrel and nearly superconductive wiring, there was still enough heat produced in every shot to risk causing catastrophic failure. Without a powerful cooling system, I was stuck at a firing rate of about six shots per minute. That was unacceptable. I needed to be able to fire them at least as quickly as I could cast fireballs. So about ten per minute or so.

The third major problem was portability. Coolant systems are generally heavy affairs. So I had to get that down in size, as well as find a way to fit in some kind of magitech shock absorption system to absorb the recoil. And finally, I had to do all this without spending all of our resources, because other people needed things made as well.

Of course, aside from the monetary portion, most of this is grossly simplified. I’m just trying to give you a general idea of my problems, not go into full detail on everything so you can build one of your own. Half the fun of crafting is overcoming these problems on your own, after all.

When I say that I’m good at this, I want you to remember this: I went from a concept to a fully functional rail gun in four days. In a cave, with a box of scraps.

Okay, I’m lying about that cave thing. Obviously.

Meanwhile, Geo had made little headway on his investigation. But I was done with everything I needed, so I figured I could start helping him the next morning. We’d have our next step figured out in no time. At least, that was the plan.

There’s an old Yiddish proverb: “Der mentsh trakht un Got lakht.” It’s believed to be related to Psalm 33:10, which reads, “The LORD bringeth the counsel of the heathen to nought: he maketh the devices of the people of none effect.”

Or, spoken more plainly, “Man Plans, God Laughs.”

Aurora and I were asleep in bed when the dream came to me. This is not unusual. I’m usually asleep when dreams find me. This one was very, very vivid. But it still could have been a dream. It seemed like two things from my memory were converging.

It started with a voice. A woman’s voice. “Betrayer. In truth, it was I who was betrayed.” Lightning cascaded, illuminating the face of Lucrecia. Her eyes were covered by a blindfold, but dried blood told me that what lie beneath was empty, disturbing sockets. Her lips were contorted in a snarl of rage. Around her, waves crashed upon the rocky shoals, stirred up by the stormy skies.

“We took in that human. Yet, at the first opportunity, she filled the master’s ears with lies – claims that I had been the reason we had failed to slay those interlopers. That I had been the one who had cause Mokmurian’s failures! That I was the one who had failed to subvert that damnable prophecy!

“And he believed her. For my supposed failures, he brought to life his statue, and tore out my eyes! And look where it got her. Dead at the hands of the one she most wanted to kill.” Her sneer had become something akin to an angry smirk at this point.

“But I still believe in the master’s cause! I still believe in Lamashtu’s will! And at long last, my blind eyes see what others cannot. That sometimes, the Hand of Fate MUST. BE. FORCED!” She reached forth, an ornate dagger in one hand, the motions of the blade churning the stormclouds, calling down lightning from above.

“Return what you have stolen!” a voice called out.

“You’re too late, Champion of Gozreh!” she called back triumphantly. “If you want it! Go get it!” She hurled the dagger into the sea. The gnome, Gribbletoo, took several seconds to decide what was more important, then plunged into the waters.

Lucrecia smiled as she spied several massive shapes churning the water on the opposite side of the shoal. “Now, go forth! Unleash the tides of doom on all who would oppose us!” She then teleported away.

My point of view began panning away, through the clouds, revealing a golden moon. I could hear a familiar song, though for some reason I could not focus enough to place it. Then I felt my consciousness being pulled back downward. I was standing on the shoal once more. Standing before me was a soaked gnome.

Gribbletoo held up the dagger. A massive crack ran along the blade. “She used too much of its power. It is broken. The whole world is BROKEN! I must move quickly, or there will be a thousand years of hurricanes! All life will be scoured from the coasts. I cannot help you with what she has awakened, and I fear it is only the beginning. Wake up! WAKE UP AND DEFEND YOUR CITY!”

I woke up instantly, certain that it had been more than a dream. “Aurora, time to get to work.”

“Five more minutes,” she mumbled, pulling the covers around her.

“No, now,” I said, slapping her backside. I walked to the door to our room and popped my head outside, conveniently outside of the magic field that protected the room from scrying and other eavesdropping. “Juiz!” I called out.

“Acknowledged,” came the voice from the callbox right outside of the door.

“Is anything unusual going on outside?”

“A number of male cats appear to be fighting over the mating rights to a female currently in estrus. Organics can be quite fascinating when it comes to reproduction.”

Right. “But no mayhem or the like?”

“Negative. Was some scheduled for tonight?”

“Not that I know of, but I think it’s coming anyway. Contact Geo, Paulie and Orik. Tell them we’re going on high alert. Then I need you to come help Aurora with her armor.”

“Acknowledged,” the AI’s voice replied.

I returned to the room to find that Aurora had gotten out of bed. “What’s wrong?”

“I think the city is about to be under attack. Juiz should be here in a few moments to help you with your armor. I’m going to prepare spells.”

I threw on my clothes on and began the process of mentally indexing the spells I would use into the ‘slots’ within my mind. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but it was an hour long process for most people that I could do it in fifteen minutes. Aurora and Juiz were careful not to interrupt me, but I could tell that they were curious as to the reason we were doing this. But they just had to wait until I was finished.

Mayhem, on the other hand, never waits until you’re ready.

About a minute before I was fully ready, the entire building shook, as though being struck by a strong earthquake. I managed to keep my focus, but Juiz and Aurora rushed outside to see what was going on. Once I was ready, I rushed outside. I was not prepared for what I saw.

The city was under attack by giant serpents. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. They looked like a cross between a snake and a plesiosaur favoring the snake, with two heads. And they were ridiculously massive, larger than most of the buildings in town. And their bodies were covered in spines, which I assumed were poisonous. I had heard that something like this existed in the ocean near Magnimar, occasionally blamed for sinking ships. The locals called them vydrarchs, but never before had they been said to come on land.

I cast a flight spell. Flight would be dangerous in the building storm, but it was our best hope for coming out unscathed. “Aurora, we’ll need to hit them from the air. Juiz, sitrep.”

“Lenn, Geo and Paulie are dealing with another one near the inn where they’re staying. Orik and the PRL are engaging yet another one near the palace.”

“Excellent. Railgun?”

“I believe the expression is, ‘Locked and Loaded’.”

“Let’s rock. Suit me up.” I held out my arms and Juiz wrapped the power armor around me in mere seconds. All I was missing was some of Iron Man’s repulsors and a red-gold paint job. But I guess a railgun was fine, too.

“Shall I begin playing some kind of music?” Juiz asked.

“Good idea.”

“Something bombastic, with emphasis on bass and brass?” Basically a movie score. It was most appropriate.

“No, let’s go with something upbeat, high pitched and Japanese,” I said sarcastically. Immediately that song from the Fukkireta meme whose name I can never remember began playing. Someone needed to teach Juiz about sarcasm. Unless, perhaps… had she gotten it and decided to troll me? “Juiz, is this the 10 hour version?”

“It is now,” she said, her voice mild and betraying no amusement. I could hear Aurora start giggling. Kira was laughing her non-existant ass off. Unlike the others, Kira could actually remember that there was a video of me on youtube dressed in cosplay singing that on Youtube. We won’t talk about who I was cosplaying as other than to say that I lost a bet.

“Alright, let’s focus. We have giant monsters to kill.”

The first shots against the creature were highly successful. They didn’t hit anything vital, at least none of my shots with the railgun, thanks to the kick I hadn’t had time to get used to, but even then, I had a huge target and almost couldn’t help but hit something. Aurora, on the other hand, had a fairly tight headshot grouping on one of the creature’s two heads.

The creature responded by creating a massive fog bank. That didn’t do much to deter us. It really didn’t take much to guess where it was, because again, MASSIVE, so we were able to fire mostly blindly into the fog at a downward angle and minimize chances we’d hit something unintended.

From my vantage point, I could see that the others were faring about as well as we were. Lenn, Geo and Paulie finished off their foe first, followed by ours and then Orik’s. Damage had been minimal, though several buildings had been crushed in the rampage.

Just when we were ready to start celebrating, all hell broke loose as another half dozen creatures emerged from the sea. Five were clustered around where the Lenn, Geo and Paulie were. Orik’s team was moving to intercept. That left one for us. But I would have traded our one for the other five.

For starters, it was larger than the others. Much larger. And its scales glowed with an iridescent light to my magic vision. Lucrecia, or some other force, had buffed the everloving hell out of this one. Dozens of auras. It was warded against everything.

Almost everything. I fired a round at it and… did no damage. There was no magical ward, but its scales were at least as hard as magically treated adamantine. I couldn’t be certain without getting closer, but they also appeared to be as thick as tank plating.

I switched tactics and hit it with the only type of damage it wasn’t warded against, concentrated sound waves. I’d luckily prepared two spells that could do that much. But they weren’t very powerful, and while it would do some damage, there was no way I could truly take it down like that.

Aurora, meanwhile, continued focusing fire on its heads, with limited success. The only time she scored clean hits were shots into its nostrils. Even its eyes were covered by a clear membrane that shielded against damage and it wasn’t opening its mouths to attack.

From all of this, I could only suppose that the protections were somehow surface only. But they were insanely strong. And it was being careful. Trying to get the damn thing to bite at me so I could toss in a grenade wasn’t working at all. Instead it would just try to slam me with one of its heads.

I was feeling completely powerless. There was nothing I could do. Not with what I had prepared. Maybe if I had spent more money, I could have made a powerful sonic weapon instead of a rail gun. I could have prepared different spells. Or heck, I could have even created just a more powerful, less mobile gun to pierce through its protections.

I was lost in those thoughts when the creature managed to hit me. Through sheer luck, I avoided the spines, but it was enough to send me crashing to the ground among the rubble. For the record, that hurt like hell.

“I’m okay,” I radioed back to Aurora’s inquiry about my safety. “My pride hurts more than anything.” I wasn’t lying. As much as I hurt physically, the pain of being unable to find a way to bring down our foe hurt much worse. “Juiz, separate.”

My power armor split from me. I repaired it and cast a flight spell on it, then told Juiz to take the railgun and keep trying to score a critical hit on the monster while drawing it away from populated areas. More than anything, I needed a minute to think.

“Put me in, coach!” Kira said confidently.

I shook my head. “There’s no way you’ll be able to score a solid hit without getting poisoned. That may end up being our only option, as fairy steel might have a chance at cutting through, but I’d like to consider it a last resort.”

She appraised the spines. “You might be right. Any thoughts?”

I shook my head as I looked out over the rubble. “Nothing yet. Give me a moment.” I had to prioritize my goals. The first was to lead it out of more populated areas and prevent it from doing more damage. Then I could focus on killing it. But, truth be told, it seemed to be losing interest in us. We hadn’t been able to hurt it, and we were too difficult to hit, for the most part, so it was beginning to focus on its rampage.

As I considered it, I looked around me. Then it hit me. I knew this building. At least, I knew what this building had once been. It had been a charming little bakery. They made these persimmon tarts that Aurora loved. I had woken up early every day in the last several to go down there and get one fresh for her.

The man and woman who owned it had three children. The oldest girl wanted to be a knight like Aurora. Their middle kid, a son, was studying to become a baker like his parents. The youngest, no more than six, had once told me that she felt safe because her mother had said people like us were protecting the city.

And now their home was in ruins. I had failed to protect them. Even if they had somehow made it out in time, and I desperately hoped they had, I had failed them. They never should have been mentioned here. They should have lived their lives in peace, untouched by the horrors of the world around them.

And how many others were there in the other nearby buildings that deserved no less? No matter how much stronger I had grown, I still couldn’t do what mattered. I still couldn’t protect those who could not protect themselves. I didn’t have the will to stand anymore. I dropped to my knees. I couldn’t even cry. I just felt numb.

And then I heard a voice.

Shadows fall, and hope has fled
Steel your heart, the dawn will come
The night is long, and the path is dark
Look to the sky, for one day soon
The dawn will come

I turned and saw a matronly woman in the robes of a cleric of Desna standing there. “Kyle…” Kira said, alarmed, but I ignored her. Others who had been cowering in fear had crawled from their nearby places of hiding and joined in the woman’s song. The looks they were giving me were pleading, but also filled with some strange reverence. These people were certain I could save them.

The shepherd's lost, and his home is far
Keep to the stars, the dawn will come
The night is long, and the path is dark
Look to the sky, for one day soon
The dawn will come

“Kyle! It’s important!” Kira said, trying to get my attention. But for some reason, my attention was rapt. Then she joined in, singing with them, her voice a silvery peal in the darkness.

Bare your blade, and raise it high
Stand your ground, the dawn will come
The night is long, and the path is dark
Look to the sky, for one day soon
The dawn will come

I looked at Kira, my jaw hanging open like an idiot. “How on Earth do you know that song?” I subvocalized.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. That song is from Earth!”

What. “Then how did they know it?”

“I have no idea. Not unless someone has smuggled in a shipment of Playstation Fours that we’re unaware of.”

“That just brings up a whole lot of other questions. Unless…”

“It’s not what you think.”

“Samantha has a PS4 in the Dreamlands,” I accused.

“Samantha has a PS4 in the Dreamlands,” she admitted. She and I would have a long discussion about sharing later. Now was not the time.

The crowd had started singing the song over again. I looked around me. Their eyes were hopeful. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I can’t. It’s beyond me. I can’t stop it.” But they didn’t stop. They believed in me. They knew that somehow, I would stop this. But I couldn’t. I needed to find a weak point and I couldn’t! Why didn’t they understand that? “Why can’t you understand?! I can’t see a weak spot! I’M NOT GEO!”

Heh. God, what an idiot I was.

“Aurora!” I called out over the radio. “You and Juiz move to assist with the other monsters.”

“I won’t abandon this fight! And I won’t abandon you!” she protested.

“Not asking you to. I’m asking you to free up Geo to come over here. I need his help. Have Lenn carry him over!”

There was a moment of silence. “Right. On my way!”

I still needed a way to distract the enemy and prevent its further uncontrolled rampage. But what to do? Interestingly, the song provided me with a good answer. “The dawn will come indeed,” I said, chuckling ruefully. Or perhaps not dawn, exactly. Perhaps what this needed was the Morning Star. The Light Bringer.

I used my hat to assume the shape of my past life self, Fleur De Lis, because I needed the body of a dancer. My cuffs provided the schoolgirl outfit. Grade A Zettai Ryouiki, if you’re wondering. I then cast a spell to give myself the aspects of an angel, growing glowing wings of the purest white feathers.

I flew into the air, getting right in front of the creature. “Let there be light,” I said, unleashing a magical burst of light right in its eyes.

I hadn’t thought to use the spell because it wasn’t likely to do enough damage to matter, even if the creature was evil. And it was unlikely to blind the creature, due to the natural reflexes of snakes. But what it would do is enough of both to get the creature’s attention. Which was all I needed at the moment.

I followed that up with a blast of color right at the other head. Again, the creature was too powerful for it to do much, but I just needed to irritate it. And that it could do, even if it resisted the effect.

As luck would have it, I was successful in stunning the creature with the color spray – and I do mean luck, I had estimated that I had perhaps a five or ten percent chance of that working at best. I used the time to peel away in the direction I was leading it and duck behind a building.

“Kyle, what are you doing?” Kira asked.

I just winked and cast an invisibility spell, which I followed by casting an illusion. To observers, I appeared to grow huge – though still smaller than the monster. I then appeared to shoot directly into the sky, a few hairs’ breadth out of reach of the monster. Which is where I put my hands on my hips and began dancing. And singing.

Just like always
I love you.
With your kiss
Take me away.

I will never forget you
My precious memory.

Kira made a choking sound beside me, which I ignored, using my focus to add Dance Dance Revolution arrows to the air behind the illusory me.

Grilled food is only good
For one day
So kick reason to the curb and just
Follow me!

“I understand now,” Kira said, her face in her hand. “It has finally happened. You’ve lost your mind.”

Hey now, that wasn’t fair. I knew what I was doing. I had basically turned myself into a female approximation of what I imagined the first of the fallen to look like, since, you know, he was so good at dealing with snakes. Then I had made a big colorful show to keep the monster’s attention.

And if my pride, which had gotten me into this mess by not allowing me to see the solution, were brought down a peg by having to recreate one of my most embarrassing Youtube performances? So much the better. That was also a reason for using the form of the most prideful being to ever exist as my avatar, a reminder that pride could get in the way of success. The DDR thing was just me being a dork.

Also, it was either that or a giant image of Saint Patrick trying to beat the snake with a shillelagh.

And damned if it wasn’t working. The vydrarch was beyond confused. A few moments later, Geo approached and I passed along what I needed. It took only a moment before he had the answer. “There’s cracked scale seven scales down from where the snakes combine. That’s the only weak spot I’m seeing.”

I used the telepathic interface to radio back, “Do you think you can kill it if you strike there?”

“No, but I think Lenn can break the scale and pierce the flesh. Maybe if you drop in some of your explosives once it’s exposed?”

“That sounds like our best bet. Get him to Paulie for curing the poison afterward.”

Lenn dive bombed the scale after Geo showed him where to attack. As usual, throwing Lenn at the problem worked. The scale fell off and the monster cried out in pain as its blood began to trickle from the wound.

The cost was that Lenn took two spines, getting a massive dose of poison. Geo moved to get him to Paulie, who was already making his way towards us. I was pretty sure they’d make it in time.

All that was left was to take advantage of the situation to kill the enemy. C4 wouldn’t do it. I didn’t have a basis for that thought, but deep down, I suspected it. But that didn’t mean that there was nothing I could do. I had a much stupider idea.

Which meant it was foolproof.

Still invisible, I flew in over the monster and touched down on the area where Lenn had struck. This was made easier because he had broken the spines in the area when he had slammed into them. The illusion I was projecting had been buffered, so it kept going for eighteen seconds after I stopped concentrating on it.

Once on semi-secure footing, I dismissed my angelic transformation and cast another spell I had prepared, the ever-versatile polymorph. My body writhed and shifted, becoming that of a parakeet-sized parasitic creature adept at burrowing through flesh. We won’t go into what it was. I don’t want to talk about it.

<It was really gross.>
<At least you didn’t have to taste the monster’s raw flesh. THAT was gross.>

I burrowed around until I reached the monster’s heart. I was in luck. There was only one. I tunneled into it, opened another path into one of its lungs and then began phase two of my plan.

You see, I’ve been paying a bit more for my intellect increasing headband in order to make it more versatile. Not just a headband that increases intellect, it was a Shifter’s Headband, giving me powerful bonuses when I was shapeshifted. And one of those bonuses is the ability to shift from one form allowed by the spell I’m under into another.

With the spell that turns me into a different humanoid, I can become any other humanoid. With a spell that turns me into a beast, I can become a different beast. With the spell that turns me into an elemental, I could become another elemental. And with a powerful spell that can polymorph me into any one of those, I could become any other, as long as the container I’m within could hold me.

Which meant I couldn’t become a human. Likewise, I couldn’t become a wolf, nor could I become an earth elemental. I would burst the vessel I was in, or be crushed by it. However, that didn’t apply to something like, say, a fire elemental, which is a bit more malleable.

My very substance cauterized the blood vessels entering and exiting the heart. I seared the insides of its lungs as I made my way out. It died of asphyxiation shortly after I pushed my way out of its nose.

<Gross.>
<Yet, due to the sterilizing nature of fire, completely sanitary.>
<Only you would say that.>

All the cheering from the onlookers did not help my attempt to gut check my ego by doing something embarrassing. As I returned to my form, I did so with a smirk of victory. From the air, I could see that Aurora and Juiz’s intervention had quickly turned the tide against the remaining lesser vydrarches, so I had time to do something I felt completely necessary.

I used a spell to allow me to project my voice and cast a bright light on a feather, which I tucked into the brim of my hat – I wanted to be illuminated, but not blinded by my own light. “LUCRECIA!” I shouted. “We have killed your pets! We have killed your allies! For your crimes against this city, you will be sentenced to death! But I make you a one time proposal.

“Offer your life to me here and now, without resistance. If you do so, I swear to you that your end shall be swift and without pain. However, if you refuse, I promise you that you will die in agony and despair for your foolishness.”

I wasn’t lying. If she surrendered now, I would end it quickly and without further malice. I just wanted the city safe. But if she made me hunt her down, I was going to make sure she felt the same pain those here had suffered.

A whisper on the wind answered me. “You haven’t stopped my plan. You’ve only delayed it. This city will be laid low, and you along with it.”

“So be it,” I whispered back. Either she was listening in with magic or she wasn’t. I didn’t care. “It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.” And that was the end of the fight. I hadn’t even seen Lucrecia.

After that, we began the hard part. We coordinated efforts throughout the city to put out fires and dig through rubble for survivors. It was nearly midday before we were fairly sure we’d found everyone. On the upside, most of the family from that bakery I mentioned earlier survived.

Unfortunately, the father did not. He died saving one of the children from the falling building. The poor woman was left alone to raise three children in a world with little social support. But, at least I could do something about that. I put in a word and within the day her bakery became a subsidiary of the Voidstrife cartel. She’d have access to programs unheard of elsewhere, including company daycare. And the company would buy whatever bread she didn’t sell daily to feed our workers down at the docks.

It wasn’t much, but at least I could help that much.

When I next went to sleep, I found myself floating above the city. Once more, the song I couldn’t quite grasp was playing within the dream. And once more, I found my consciousness being pulled into the sky, towards the golden moon.

I exerted my will. “Samantha!” I called out. I pushed forward, tearing a hole in the dream and entering the Dreamlands. I felt myself tumbling, hurtling towards the ground. I really hate falling dreams.

I landed with a thud in a comfortable chair at a table set with an ornate tea service. Kira, wearing a striped purple and pink dress as well as a fake cat ears and tail sat across from me. There was makeup around her lips that made her mouth look like a giant grin filled with razor sharp teeth. “Tea, dear sister?” she asked.

I looked down and found that I was dressed in what could only be described as ‘Alice Cosplay’, down to the smallest detail, including the buckled shoes. And I don’t mean I was one of my female past lives, either. I looked like I belonged in the lead of the all male revue of ‘Alice in Wonderland’, is what I’m saying.

Meh, like I was going to let a little thing like that bother me. “Earl Grey, hot, two sugars, one cream.” She passed me a cup along with a small plate with a bit of cake on it.

“Samantha will be back in a moment. She stepped out to speak to the Jabberwock. Until then, enjoy a cake. I’ve been learning to bake.”

I took a bite of the cake. I could taste hints of lemon, cloves and whiskey. “Kira, is this Granny O’Halloran’s whiskey cake?! This is amazing!”

“A close approximation,” she replied, purring. Dreams are weird and so is my sister.

I looked around the room. It looked a lot like I would have imagined the Mad Hatter’s tea party to look in real life, aside from one thing. “Hey, Kira?”

“Yes, sis?”

“What’s up with the standee?”

She grinned. “You can fight like a Krogan or run like a leopard, but you’ll never have as many decorations with your picture on it in the Dreamlands as Commander Shepard.”

What. “What.”

She shrugged. “Samantha’s obsessed with Mass Effect right now.”

After a few minutes of silently sipping our tea, Samantha entered the room, followed by a towering Jabberwock. What does one say to a Jabberwock? “Yo,” was what I came up with.

He regarded us for a moment, then turned to Samantha, who was wearing a green vest, goldenrod pants and a citrine hat and coat. Of course she was the Mad Hatter. “I cannot say I approve of your pets. Useless humans, the scourge of a million worlds, their minds incapable of functioning once they see the truth of things.”

“These are different. They’ll surprise you.”

He took this as a challenge. The illusion faded and his true form was there before me. A mass of tentacles, eyeballs and mouths, looking akin to some kind of cephalopod orgy. If I had seen this before leaving Earth, it would have left me a gibbering mess. But I had flown through space. I had seen the inhumanities inflicted upon men by other men. I’ve been chased by dragons. I’ve fought the living dead. I’ve been beyond the veil of death myself and seen the afterlife’s waiting room. And I’ve seen what goes into the sausage Lenn makes. You really don’t want to know about that last one.

I took a look at myself in my dress and looked back at the being before me. “Look, I’ve seen enough hentai to know where this is going, but I’m going to have to decline. You see, I’m married and I don’t think she’d approve.”

All motion in the writhing mass stopped. I think it was flabbergasted. Samantha and Kira exchanged a look and then burst out laughing. I’m pretty sure this angered whatever this thing was. “MY FORM HAS MELTED THE MINDS OF GREATER CREATURES THAN YOU, PATHETIC HUMAN!” Its will was intense as its voise resonated in my brain.

I shrugged. “I have no doubt. But I am, as you said, a mere human. My tiny brain can’t register sixth dimensional sights. All I can see is three dimensions, with slight peeks into the fourth. So, you know, squid orgy. I’m sure you’re a very terrifying and/or beautiful squid orgy, but I really don’t have a standard for comparison.”

The being considered it for a moment, then reverted to his Jabberwock form. “Fascinating. Are they all like this?”

“No, this is an abnormality present in an infinitesimally small portion of lesser beings, but its prevalence is abnormally high within the population on his world. Thousands of beings among their billions. Lesser forms of it are even more common.”

“You wouldn’t be interested in selling me one of these, would you?”

“Sorry, I’ve grown fond of them.”

“A pity. Oh well. You know how to contact me if you change your mind.”

“You’ll be the first one I call.” He teleported away with a ‘fwoop’ and Samantha turned to me. “Impressive. I didn’t know you had it in you.”

I shrugged. “Oh, it was pretty easy, considering everything I’ve seen and the fact that my sister drugged my tea.”

Kira choked and shot tea from her nose, sending Samantha into a fit of laughter. “How…?”

“You added extra sugar to counteract the bitter, but miscalculated the amount. That tea was far too sweet. How did you know he’d do that?”

“I didn’t. I just knew you were upset and didn’t want you and Samantha fighting.”

Samantha looked confused. “Why would you be upset?” I started to talk, then she interrupted. “CHANGE PLACES!”

No. I wasn’t doing this. I had come here for a reason and I wasn’t going to be distracted by this Mickey Mouse BS. “I’m good, thanks. As I was about to say, I just want to know why all the subterfuge? You obviously know things. Why not just pop on the radio and tell me when I need to know something?”
She pouted. “You’re no fun, just coming right out and asking.” She pulled out a cigar, lit it and started puffing on it. Bubbles came out. No, I don’t know how either. “Look, I can’t just do things like that. If I interfere, I invite others to interfere. People with our kind of power send out ripples in the very fabric of existence when we do things.”

“Like flailing attracts a shark,” Kira added.

“Yes, that,” Samantha said, booping my sister on the nose. “If someone investigates and thinks I’m doing too much, they’ll also interfere. Worst case scenario, we’re talking the Sandpoint Time Loop on a massive scale.”

I’ve mentioned this before, but the Sandpoint Time Loop was caused by a trio of adventurers who somehow managed to kick off a turf war between Lamashtu and Desna, destroying the village of Sandpoint. But another deity, upset by the destruction of the town, which was a central part of his plans, had tried fixing the town by turning back time in the local area without changing anything else.

As a result of that idiocy, Sandpoint was destroyed an undisclosed number of times before yet another deity, annoyed by the snarling of spacetime had intervened and yanked the trio into another plane of existence righat after another reset, averting the constant repetition and saving the town. The black dragon that had set off their adventure had been killed by some soldiers from Magnimar that had been sent to investigate why the tax collector the Lord Mayor had sent hadn’t returned.

At least, that’s what my sources tell me. Considering that one of those sources is Samantha, I’d take that with a grain of salt.

“Anyway,” Samantha said, “that’s pretty much it. Have I not explained this to you before? I feel like I have. Though, I guess that could have been in an alternate future that never came to pass.” Kira just shrugged at my look. It was certainly possible she’d mentioned it before, though I couldn’t recall. Which didn’t necessarily mean anything, since I have these weird holes in my memory that always seem to coincide with visits from Samantha. I think she does it for her own amusement more than anything.

“But how about when you first came back and helped Obrek and Gribbletoo? Why didn’t anyone interfere then?”

“Well, to be honest, the two of them cause large enough ripples that my contributions got lost in the noise. And while you’re wreaking a lot of havoc yourself, your technology based approach doesn’t cause the ripples it might if you were simply a mythically powerful wizard. So I can’t hide what I’m doing. Which means I’m stuck with the old mainstays, such as mad beggars no one believes, hiding a cryptic message for a person in a dream shared by an entire town or somewhat cryptic prophecies written ten thousand years before they’ll come to pass. That kind of thing.”

“And you can’t just tell me things here and now, where no one is watching?”

“Someone’s ALWAYS watching. Probably that giant pervert, Nodens. And he’ll blab to everyone. Of course, if you had simply chosen to be a cleric who worshipped me, I could answer your prayers more directly much more often without raising any eyebrows.”

“That’s okay. I don’t think Father Alejandro would approve of me converting to another religion and I value his input.” But she had said something interesting. Maybe there was a way I could get her more direct input without revealing that she was helping. I’d have to look into it.

She shrugged. “Suit yourself. Care for more tea?”

“I’m okay. But about that PS4 you guys are hiding here…”

Samantha’s eyes widened. “Oh dear! Look at the time!” she said, looking at her bare wrist. “You’re due to wake up soon and you still haven’t finished your dream! Ta ta!”

I was once more floating above the city, rising towards the golden moon. People were already beginning to wake and get on with their day’s business, but the sky was still clearly dark. I estimated it had to be around four, or maybe five in the morning. Once more, I heard a song that I knew but could not focus on.

When my path upwards reached its zenith, the music stopped and in the distance I heard a single sound, the roar of a lion. And then I awoke, bathed in the soft glow of my sleeping wife’s halo.


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Sorry this one ended up taking me so long. Real life has been a bit weird. Also, this ended up being long, 19 pages single spaced(!). Breaking it into two sections to make sure it doesn't get clipped. Will add a third entry to explain a bit about the city Kyle visited, though I'm not sure if I'll have time to do it today.

The Shining City of Silver, Part 1

Spoiler:
The next day was a flurry of activity. The esteemed Lord Mayor gave us medals publically, then in private demanded assurances that this would be the last major attack on the city. Which we couldn’t do. His seneschal and Aurora were arguing about it for over an hour before I hit upon an idea. “Kira,” I subvocalized. “Tell Samantha that I’ve figured out a way to hide her involvement in giving us information. I’m going to need her to pop in, invisible. She’ll understand when she sees what I’ve got planned.”
Kira went to sleep and returned a few moments later. “She says she can’t wait to see this.”

Once I could feel Samantha’s presence, I stood and coughed. “Ladies and gentlemen, please, would you bring your attention to me. For a feast for your eyes to see, an end to our stagnancy.” Everyone was staring at me, since I had accidently sung the whole thing. Oops. “Anyway, I know one way we might be able to know of the probability of Magnimar being attacked again. You see, we picked up this ancient Thassilonian artifact that can give us hints to the future.” From within my bag, I produced a peacock feather and laid it on the table with a sheet of parchment. “All we have to do is ask the question. Then it will tell us, albeit somewhat cryptically. But we need to make sure that the question we ask is worded in such a way that it can only tell us what we need.”

“Excellent!” the Lord Mayor shouted gleefully. “This should make things much easier!”

“So, how do we ask?”

I had an idea. “How can we prevent the destruction of Magnimar in the next six months?”

I felt someone boop my nose, then the quill rose seemingly on its own. A flurry of motion and it had left us a message. “What does it say?” Geo asked.

“‘Within the cycle of Golarion’s heavenly daughter, all that must be done to protect the city is for several of Magnimar’s new champions to remain in the city at all times.
However, on the last day of the cycle, all champions must begin their journey for the great foe, or his army will destroy the city. If, on that day a new Defender does not stand guard over the city, then the city will be destroyed ‘ere they return. To find the new Defender, seek the words of a Doomsday Prophet, words that one or more present have already heard.’” Elegant. Just vague enough to seem like the usual MO of the quill, but more information than usual.

“What does it mean, bro?” Paulie asked.

“At the very least, it’s clear that we have less than a month before we need to be on our way to stop,” Geo said.

“How do you figure that?” the Lord Mayor asked.

“‘Within the cycle of Golarion’s heavenly daughter’ is obviously a reference to the moon. We have roughly twenty eight days before we must depart if we’re to have a chance to defeat Karzoug.”

I nodded. “And as to the other part, I suspect Lucrecia is watching us. As long as more than half of us remain in town, I don’t think she’ll spring the final attack. I also suspect that we’ll find cause for some of us to leave town. So we must have three or four remain at any given time.”

“What about this other part?” Lenntu asked. “The part about needing a new ‘Defender’?”

I shrugged. “I wish I knew. I feel like I should know, but it’s maddeningly outside my grasp. Perhaps we’ll find a way to recruit someone like Obrek or Gribbletoo to defend the city?”

“I would certainly feel safer if I knew Gozreh’s or Iomedae’s champions watched over us,” the seneschal agreed.

“Why is it capatilized, bro? And where are we going to find a doomsday prophet? That’s just bugging me, man.”

Aurora clapped Paulie on the shoulder excitedly. “That’s it!” We all gaped at her sudden enthusiasm, curious as to how capitalization could be a clue. “Kyle! Remember? When we were walking through town with Sheriff Hemlock! The doomsday prophet said that you knew how to find someone called ‘the Defender of the Universe’!”

Oh. Well, crap.

I groaned. “Right. Because of course I have less than four weeks to build that.”

“What is it?” the Lord Mayor asked.

“How much are you willing to pay to save the city?”

“What?” He looked dubious.

“I’ll work at cost and do what I can to negotiate the best prices possible, but we’re going to need an army of workers and a ton of materials. And I’ll provide what materials I can at what it costs me to get them.” I could see he didn’t believe me. “Call the clerics of Abadar. I’ll submit to magical verification that what I’m saying is true and necessary to the best of my knowledge, but I implore you to let me send for the Voidstrife factor and ask that you bring in Toth Bhreacher from the Golemworks while we wait.”

I could see that I had convinced him. “Do it,” he told his seneschal. “Now, what can you tell me about what you have planned?”

“Not yet,” I said. “First of all, it’s a bit complex, and I don’t want to have to repeat myself. Second, as I said, we’re likely being watched. Before we discuss it, I would like to ward this room against scrying. I can do it myself, if you want, or we can get a wizard from within the city to do it for us.”

He considered it. “That sounds reasonable. Do what you need to do.”

I warded the room and managed to procure some chalk. One of the walls in the Lord Mayor’s office would suffice as a surface and I could clean it with magic. I then posted Lenn outside of the room – he would just get bored inside – to protect against intrusion and set to work.

Based on my memories, I was able to work out the scale we were talking. Then from there, all it would take is a bit of heavy calculus and an application of materials science to figure out what we’d need and how much of it. On a chalkboard. In half an hour.

Tony Stark, eat your heart out.

Once things were set up, everyone had arrived and the Lord Mayor was convinced that what I was saying would be true, or at least true to the best of my knowledge, we began. In truth, it took longer for me to explain the core plan than it had taken to do the math. Yeah, you try to figure that one out.

I’m not sure many present truly understood what I was saying until we got to the money part. Then suddenly everyone was an expert. I first had to convince the Lord Mayor that this was in his best interests. I did that by tricking him into arguing for it while I fought against it as being better to evacuate the city. His ego bit and he wouldn’t allow me to “give up”. By the time the costs came up, he was all in.

Next was Toth Bhreacher. “Your line regarding the cost of employing the Golemworks is close, but with this kind of project, you’re looking at it costing roughly eighty thousand gold more than listed.”

I shook my head. “No, we’ve done our research. This is what it would cost to pay all your workers, including a generous overtime incentive and a ten percent inconvenience commission to make up for the fact that you’ll have to put all current jobs on hold until we’re done.”

He did the math in his head. “You are surprisingly well informed. However, you left out the shop commission on the value and difficulty of the item.”

I nodded. “I did that on purpose. I’m assuming you won’t waive that simply because survival of the city is in your own best interests?” He shook his head. “Didn’t think so. Then perhaps I offer to pay you in information.” I motioned for my factor to come over with what I had asked him to bring.

“I’m listening.”

I opened the small case and pulled out a piece of stone. “You recognize this?”

“Yes. It’s a pretty common mineral. Nearly worthless.”

I smiled. “How about this?” I handed him a small metal ingot.

His eyes went wide. “I’ve never seen so much at one time!”

I grinned. “On my world, that mineral is called bauxite. The metal is called aluminum. That’s what I’m offering you. A method to turn bauxite into aluminum and a promise not to share it with anyone else for ten years.”

I could almost literally see the dollar signs in his eyes as he worked out the calculations. I had to surpress a smile since I knew he, like medieval alchemists before him, hadn’t considered the effects on market prices when you suddenly glutted a market with a previously rare material. “Done!” he exclaimed.

“There is one problem,” the Lord Mayor pointed out. “The amount of mithral there. We don’t have a tenth of that in the entire city. I’d bet you could go to the ten largest cities and not find more than maybe two thirds of that much.”

“Actually, that’s not true,” the Voidstrife factor rebutted. “There is one city where you could find that much.” I raised an eyebrow. “I’ve been doing some research since you had me collecting those materials, and I did find one city that could supply the mithral we need.”

“Well, go on, don’t leave the rest of us in suspense.”

You ever have one of those feelings, the ones that creeps up your spine and tell you that someone’s been leading you around by the nose? I was having one of those feelings at the moment. As such, I didn’t even need him to say it. “Valor’s Triumph.”

Yep. Somehow I knew that would end up coming up. I should have visited the place earlier, but I’d been making excuses. Samantha and I were cool now, but there was a part of me that still had hangups about going to her hometown. Irrational, for sure, but I’m not claiming to be completely logical all the time. Brilliant, yes. But not necessarily logical.

<Also, very, very humble.>
<Hush, you.>

“Okay, let me get together initial preparatory work orders. I’ll have them by the end of the day. Tomorrow, Aurora and I will go.”

“Why you?” the Lord Mayor asked suspiciously.

“It has to be me. Someone else might get it wrong.”

“What?”

Right. No one else here had played Mass Effect. “Sorry, bad joke. There are people there who know me, as well as a Voidstrife field office. I’m our best shot. Also, I’m a wizard and can just teleport there. So there’s that.”

“That’s settled,” Toth said. “Let’s get to work.”

“One more thing,” I said. “We need to talk about something called ‘Operations Security’. We’re not working against a mindless natural disaster. We’re up against a living, thinking adversary. Anything she learns might be turned against us.”

Geo nodded. “It makes sense. But as large as this project is, how do we keep her from learning about what we’re doing?”

I grinned. “We can’t. But that doesn’t mean we can’t prevent her from learning that we’re up to something. But that doesn’t mean we can’t make it difficult enough for her to put things together that she’s unable to prepare a counter for it by the time it’s ready.”

“I take it you have ideas for that?” Aurora added.

“I do. The first thing we have to do is obscure the big picture. Aside from the material quantities, I’ll be erasing the writing on the wall before we leave. From this point on, there is to be no discussion about what we’re doing outside of either this room or my bedroom, which has similar anti-scrying protections. Also, we compartmentalize information. None of the workers are to be told anything more than they need to do their jobs. Your picked supervisors will know what each team under them is doing, but nothing about what other teams are up to. The large amount of basic labor we’re going to have to hire doesn’t even need to know what they’re doing, necessarily, just how to do it.

“More than that, we need to stress to people that talking about what they’re doing, even with people they know and trust, is not acceptable. Anyone caught discussing their work with someone not on their team – and even then, only as much as necessary to do the work – will be fined. Repeated indiscretions will be cause for greater and greater reprimand. Remember, we’re talking about preventing the destruction of the entire city here.”

“That seems paranoid and needlessly complicated,” Geo responded. “I like it.”

“There’s one other measure. Lord Mayor, please have someone compile a list of guards who can be thoroughly trusted. Eliminate from that list anyone who has any kind of debts, unless you care to pay off those debts for them before our enemy can leverage them to force the guards to turn against us. Then, for the rest of month, everyone in this room is to have at least one of these guards with them at all times. Two would be better. For Geo, as long as Lenn is with him, one will easily suffice. Aurora and I will be fine with just a single guard each as well, so long as we stick together.

“And finally, our enemy is a known shapeshifter. Work out a way to confirm identity without raising attention with each other and especially with your guards. A sign and countersign you can work into normal speech is probably ideal. And that’s it. Any questions?” Surprisingly, no one had any. “Okay, there’s one final thing. Everyone, out into the courtyard.”

Once outside, I created an anti-magic field, confirming that no one in the room had been magically shapeshifted. Then, after explaining that, we got to work. Teams were organized. Team leaders were briefed. And the largest logistics operation in the history of Golarion began.

Chadwick came down with a team of wizards to help transport materials from other cities. Even his brothers got involved. I spent my day building a system to convert bauxite into aluminum and showed the Golemworks team operating it how to use it. At the same time, I worked with Toth Bhreacher to set up assignments for each other team, giving them at least something to do for the next day while I had to go to Valor’s Triumph.

Aurora had already gone to bed when I got home. Genji informed me that she hadn’t been feeling well and that he had arranged for a physician to visit in the morning. It was bad timing, but it couldn’t be helped. If she wasn’t feeling up to it in the morning, I could take a couple picked guards from the local Voidstrife office with me to make her feel better while I was in Valor’s Triumph.

Not that it mattered. There was a reason I hadn’t ever gone to visit. Valor’s Triumph was either the absolute safest city in the world, or the bad things happening would be too much for regular guards to handle. The city was a shining beacon and a doom magnet all at once.

The next morning, Aurora was still feeling a bit out of it. I spoke with the doctor – who I confirmed to not be under any enchantments or shapeshifting – and let her know about Aurora’s condition, stressing that she wasn’t to let my wife know that I knew. About half an hour later, she returned and let me know that Aurora was just going to need rest.

My mom had gone through the same thing during her last pregnancy. I had researched it and it was fatigue caused by hormonal changes, very common during the first trimester. Nothing to be concerned about.

I checked in on Aurora, who was propped up in bed, a mystified yet happy expression on her face. I’m pretty sure she had already suspected, but now she knew. Absolutely knew. “You okay?”

It took her a moment to even register my presence. “I-I’m… no, it’s nothing. I’ll be okay. I’ve just been overdoing it, is all.” I’m not sure why she didn’t tell me. Probably didn’t want me leaving her out of things to protect her.

“Well, then I guess you just need to spend the day in bed, love. I’ll set up a pulley you can use to ring a bell if you need Genji for anything, and I want you to keep your guards with you, just in case.”

She hugged me tightly. “Just be careful. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you.”

I hugged her back. “It’s a city full of paladins. What’s the worst that could happen?” A sudden shiver down my spine made me wonder if I’d just set off a death flag. “I love you,” I told her.

“I love you too,” she responded, her eyes watering.

As much as I wanted to stay with her, I had work to do, so I got on with it. Less than an hour later, I was on my way to Valor’s Triumph.

I could feel it when our teleportation stream – for lack of a better descriptor – was shunted off target near the end of the trip. I had intended to teleport into the city square with the statue of the silver dragon who had founded the city on the site where he and his elven rider had led a great force against a terrifying black dragon and his demonic army. With the description I had been given, it would have been an easy teleportation.

But someone had warded the city against incoming long range teleportation, so I found myself instead in stone room, with a dozen crossbows pointed at my head. My guards were also there, but they were more focused on the mithral-clad goblin with the massive culverin, at least two sizes too large. His wolf companion was glaring at them with its one good eye.

I couldn’t help but smile inwardly. To the people of Magnimar, goblins were a nuisance at best, utterly dangerous at worse. But Valor’s Triumph had a group of goblin refugees who had assimilated into the city. And this goblin was their most prominent figure, the first of the goblin knights. Or ‘Shinymen’, as they called themselves.

“Shinyman Rocktooth!” I barked in my most sergeant-like voice. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

The goblin lowered his weapon and saluted. “Sir! Sorry, sir!” Samantha hadn’t been kidding when she said she was planning to put him through proper US military training after she’d listened to the recording of that one scene from Full Metal Jacket I had on my mp3 player. You know which one.

“Drop and give me twenty! Then fall out and give that weapon the proper maintenance it deserves. There is no excuse for rust on that firearm.”

“Sir, sorry, sir!”

“Repeat the rifleman’s creed while doing those pushups! ON THE BOUNCE!”

“This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my rifle is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. I will keep my rifle clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will.

“Before all gods, I swear this creed. My rifle and myself are the defenders of my city. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace.”

The entire time this was happening, I had over a dozen crossbow carrying guardsmen and guardswomen staring at me, jaws agape. Once he was finished with the creed, I commanded him to stand. “FALL OUT AND ATTEND TO THAT WEAPON, SOLDIER!”

“SIR, YES SIR!” And with that, the goblin and the wolf left.

One of the guards, a disheveled man, was grinning. I gave him a glare. “DO I AMUSE YOU, MAGGOT?!”

“Sir, yes, sir!”

I stared at him for a moment and then returned a grin of my own. “Good. Which one are you? Biggs, or Wedge?”

That surprised him. “Biggs. Wedge is the shorter, rounder one.”

“Of course he is. So, tell me, are all the crossbows necessary?”

“We’re wary about people who teleport in. Care to state your business here?” That made sense. The town had a bit of a problem with evil wizards and fiends teleporting in to attack.

“Fair enough. My name is Kyle O’Halloran of the Voidstrife cartel. I am here as a purchasing agent on behalf of the city of Magnimar, which is currently in the middle of a massive emergency public works project.”

Now that the shock had worn off, the actual leader of the guards, a no-nonsense woman in a uniform that had obviously been kept up to strict military standards, responded. “The Voidstrife cartel? So, if we were to bring the head of the local office here, she’d be able to verify your identity?”

“I do not believe I’ve ever met our agent here personally, but everyone working for us at that level has at least seen my portrait.”

“Then make yourselves comfortable. I’ll send a runner. Don’t try anything stupid or we’ll have to shoot you.”

“So that’d be a no on making a pile of C4 and juggling live detonators?”

Her eyes narrowed. “What is C4?”

I couldn’t help myself. That look on Aurora’s face had left me in a great mood. I gave her a serious look. “C is for COOKIE. OM NOM NOM NOM NOM.” Then I made the motion like I was eating one. Biggs was on the floor laughing. The guard captain just rolled her eyes and left to send the runner.

We took a seat on some provided benches and Biggs joined us. “So, how is Samantha?”

I laughed. “That obvious?”

“Yeah. Your sense of humor reminds me of her.”

“Ah. Well, she’s doing well, as far as I know. We didn’t talk for a number of years, but I’m pretty sure during that time she put my life in danger a number of times for my own good. And now she’s dating my twin sister, whose soul is trapped in my body.”

He looked at me for several moments, trying to decide if I was goofing on him. After he was sure I was telling the truth, then he responded. “Man, that girl doesn’t do anything normal.”

“Did he just call me weird?” Kira asked.

“Hush you,” I said aloud, prompting Biggs to give me a strange look. “‘My twin sister, whose soul is trapped in my body,’” I repeated.

“Right.”

“So, how about Valor’s Triumph? Any near-apocalypses lately?”

He laughed sardonically. “We cleared out another Xill cult infestation a couple weeks back. But nothing major in the last two years. And don’t ask about two years ago. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“He got eaten,” came a voice from the doorway. A voice I couldn’t possibly be hearing. I looked over to see the familiar face of a certain Chelish ambassador’s daughter. A single lock of her raven hair fell across her face, past emerald eyes that held promises of the fulfillment of one’s greatest desires and ruby lips opened slightly into a knowing smirk that revealed pearly white teeth almost like fangs, ending just above the top of her impossibly low cut dress. “It’s been a long time, Kyle.”

“Valerica Straticero? What on Earth are you doing in Valor’s Triumph?”

“It’s a long story, but the short version is that after you deflowered me and taught me just how much fun life could be, I got into a couple situations that embarrassed my father further and eventually he disowned me. Luckily, we were in Korvosa at the time and I managed to find one of your field offices. I seduced the woman you had in charge there and got her to teach me the business, then managed to get myself promoted. So now I’m running your office here. Even now, all these years later, I’m delighted to find myself under you.” The last sentence came out as a purr.

From the look Biggs gave me, I’m pretty sure he would have given me a high five had he been an American.

“So I assume that you’ll vouch for his story?” the guard captain asked in a pained voice.

“Only if it’s exceptionally lurid,” Valerica replied.

“Kyle? What did you do to that woman?” Kira asked.

“More than I had thought,” I subvocalized back.

The guard captain ordered us released and we followed Valerica outside, where Kira and I got our first view of the Valor’s Triumph. Words cannot possibly do the city justice. Large parts of entire buildings were sheathed in silver – real silver – a byproduct of mithral mining. It was the kind of sight that spurred on fleets of conquistadors.

Yet, there was another aspect to it. The entire city was designed with military purpose in mind, so every bit was built with that in mind. Since military minds were not known to be the most creative, things were uniform and downright dreary. Even the base material of the buildings had been chosen for military purpose. There were no buildings of wood anywhere. Everything was stone, steel and silver, which would not burn if the town came under attack.

It would have been a terrible eyesore, but amongst the uniformity were pops of art. Sculptures and fountains lay within every square. Murals – some the chaotic and primitive works of the city’s goblin population – covered nearly half of the walls not covered in silver. And there was greenery everywhere, from beautiful parks to simple places where random evergreen trees grew. Even the scorch marks from previous battles had an artistic quality to them.

And that’s before you got to the people. Dazzling warriors marched in silvery mithral armor. Men and women in clothes both utilitarian and fashionable went from place to place, completing various business. In the skies above flitted minor celestial beings in numbers that would put even the imps of Korvosa to shame. The overall effect was no less than completely breathtaking.

I had to bring Aurora here sometime.

We reached the Voidstrife office, which was little more than the top floor of a three story tall building that also housed other businesses. My guards were completely winded, unaccustomed as they were to the elevation and not benefiting from having a magical bubble of properly concentrated air around them. I told them to rest and drink plenty of fluids while I discussed business.

Once we were alone in her office, Valerica bade me to sit, then leaned over me, giving me a good look down her dress. “So, shall we first attend to business, or can we get straight to pleasure?”

“Just business,” I said, giving her an apologetic smile. “I seem to have gone and gotten myself married.” I held up my hand to show her my ring.

With a practiced roll of her shoulders, her dress fell to the floor. Her already impressive body had grown positively voluptuous in the years since I had last seen her. “I don’t see any real problem with that,” she said, settling herself on my lap.

“I do,” I said. “Now you’re going to get up off of me right now and put your clothes back on, or in exactly six seconds, we’re both going to be drenched in enough ice cold water to freeze our toes off.”

She pouted at me, but did as I had told her. “You’ve changed,” she accused.

“Yes, I guess I have.”

“A pity. I’ve learned so very much since our last encounter. I was dying to show you an afternoon beyond anything you’d ever experienced. Your loss.” A sentiment echoed by my libido, which demanded I pounce on her that instant. And believe me, it was very difficult to fight. Everything about her told me that I absolutely needed to experience what she was offering.

I focused and remembered the look on Aurora’s face after the doctor’s visit. Suddenly my will was bolstered. “Yes. It is at that. But we have business to attend to.”

“Fine,” she said, rolling her eyes and pulling on her dress.

I felt relieved. My whole life I had held a belief that while it was perfectly acceptable for unattached people to sleep around as much as they wanted, attachment meant something, whether formal or understood. Cheating bothers me more than most things.

I’ll defy a strict father or protective brothers, but I absolutely refuse to sleep with married women. Not because I felt that the husband – or wife, though if both women in a partnership wanted a threesome, well, that was something I could accommodate – had some kind of claim to his wife. No, the part that bothered me was that she had given her word to be faithful. Lying to an enemy is one thing. Lying to a stranger is another. But lying to one’s partner was a much bigger deal. An oath made in good faith from a place of trust is binding, or at least should be.

So I was really happy that the first real time my oath to Aurora was tested, I had managed to find the strength to resist. So I wasn’t a complete hypocrite. ‘I'm not a coward, I've just never been tested. I'd like to think that if I was I would pass. Look at the tested, and think there but for the grace go I. Might be a coward, I'm afraid of what I might find out.’ Well, I’d faced this test, and I did indeed pass. So here’s hoping I’ll retain that ability, though I hope even more that I never have to face a test like this again.

<Also, if you screw up, I’m going to rat you out.>
<What? Is that some kind of female solidarity thing?>
<No. It’s a “you ratted me out in four of our past lives” thing. Revenge is a dish best served extra, extra cold.>

“So, what is it that you need here?” Valerica asked once her clothes were back on.

“Mithral.”

“That seems obvious. No one comes here for much else. How much?”

“All of it.”

“All?” I could tell she was intrigued.

“Everything they’ve produced in the last month or so.”

She let out a low whistle. I could see the wheels turning in her mind. “That’s a lot of mithral.”

“More would be better, but I need at least that much.”

“Of course, we’ll do what we can, but it might be difficult.” She sighed. “The Aspis Consortium is here.”

That was news to me. And it was not good news. “What.”

“They seem to be trying to corner the mithral market. Princess Velandhrathal has done what she can to keep local concerns from being stormed over by the Consortium, but it’s a losing battle. She is unwilling to do what is necessary and just kick them out, claiming that it would be dictatorial. She might act if they had done something illegal, but so far they’ve been above board. They also seem to have a noble backer here in the city, so that’s offered them a fair bit more protection.”

I sighed. “Recall every one of our operatives in the city. I want the location of every single bit of mithral in the city when I return.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to go speak with the Princess.”

“Just like that?”

I grinned. “It might take a little doing. But, in the words of Tommy Pickles, great thinker of my generation, ‘I have idea.’”

Without elaborating, I stepped out of the office and set out into the city. “So,” Kira said, “what’s this great plan of yours?”

“Not a plan,” I replied. “An idea.”

She rolled her eyes. “Okay, what’s your idea?”

“We wander for a few minutes until we run into someone who can get us access to the princess.”

“What?! That’s your big plan?!”

“Idea,” I insisted.

She ignored me. “You’re just gonna walk around until you find someone who can get you in the door? Do you have any idea how stupid that is? What do you expect, that someone’s going to just drop from the sky right in front of you? My brother, the idiot, everyone. Now I’m certain that Mom dropped you on your head as a child. And I’m stuck in the same body, so we’re both brain damaged.”

She went on for several minutes, ranting and raving at my stupidity. She’d probably still be going, but out of nowhere, something crashed down from the sky, leaving a smoldering crater a few feet in front of us. “Oh, ye of little faith,” I said triumphantly seconds before he hit.

“What was that?!” Kira said with a start. She had missed the descent, so wrapped up in her rant.

“‘Someone dropping from the sky right in front of me,’” I replied smugly. I peered into the crater and saw an ifrit man of early adult age lying in a daze. “Agniray, buddy! How have you been?” I reached down a hand and helped the still smoldering man to his feet.

He looked bewildered. “Hey, uh, you. I’m good. How have you been?”

“That’s great to hear! Accidentally blown up any enemy fortresses lately?” I slapped him on the shoulder familiarly.

“Not in the last couple years.” He looked like he was desperately trying to figure out who I was and how I knew him. It took a lot not to laugh. Kira, having completely moved past her rant and shock, showed no such restraint. The whole time she was humming ‘Enter the Fat Chocobo’, trying to make me laugh.

“Good, good. Hey, listen, I need to go talk to Veil about a thing and I seem to have misplaced my pass. Think I could get you to help me get into the palace?”

Another voice spoke behind me. “He won’t be able to do that. They confiscated his pass after he blew up the royal garden.” I turned and saw a sylph woman floating down from above, her wispy hair blowing in the soft breeze.

“Ah, Tikal. Gribbletoo’s lovely assistant.” When he wasn’t working as Gozreh’s champion, as the leader of Valor’s Triumph’s magical academy or as a mad pancake scientist, Gribbletoo was a stage magician.

“Tell me, Agni, who is your friend here?”

He gave her a look of panic and whispered to her, loudly enough for me to hear. “I have no idea! I was hoping you knew who he was!”

She smiled dangerously. “Tell me, friend, just who are you?”

“Yeah!” Agni agreed. “Who are you?”

“Excuse me? I think the question is, who are you?! We're in a war, man! There's no time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for this, snatch it right off your head. But I'm feeling gracious today, so carry on before I report you.”

Agniray clutched at his non-existent hat protectively. Tikal gave him a look. “No, but seriously. Identify yourself before you make me angry.”

I pulled off my hat and bowed with a flourish. “Apologies, kupo! My name is Kyle, kupopo!” I don’t know why I said it like a moogle. For some reason, that city had put me in some kind of odd mood. Kira seemed like she didn’t know whether to berate me or burst out laughing.

“Does he remind you of someone?” Agni whispered again, once more far too loudly.

“Yes, I’d say he does at that, though I can’t quite put my foot on it.”

“Careful, I might get stuck to your shoe that way,” I replied.

“Who are you, really?”

“I’m just the dude stuck on a world trying to save a city from being destroyed. And to do that, I think I need to speak to Veil. So, if you can’t help, I’m going to need to find another way. Time is short, so unless you can help, I really need to get going.”

“Sorry, can’t help. Too much danger in letting in a stranger.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” I said. As we began to walk away, I heard Tikal humming and stopped cold. “Haven’t heard that song in ages. Where’d you hear it?”

“A friend of mine used to hum it all the time.” She seemed amazed that I recognized it.

“She ever teach you the words?”

“No. She said it was too painful. I think she may have taught Veil, though. Wait, how did you know it was a ‘she’?”

“Lucky guess,” I said with a wink. “Thanks again.”

I began making my way straight to the palace. “Kyle,” Kira said, “don’t you need to find someone who can get us in?”

“Don’t need to. Just need the right passcode, and I just got it.”

We made our way to the palace and I took a few minutes to find the closest place whose acoustics would carry my voice over to the palace proper. I pulled out my violin and played a few notes to tune and draw in the crowd. I had to hope that busking wouldn’t turn out to be illegal here.

I cleared my throat and unleashed a spell to further project my voice. “Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls of all ages! Gather round and listen! For now I’m going to play for you a song that has never been performed on this world! So listen and please enjoy!”

I hadn’t ever played this song because it had been too painful. It was the song Samantha and I used to sing as a duet. We had sung it shortly before she abandoned me on Castrovel. But that had been a long time ago. We were once again friends and both had moved on with new loves. It might sting a small amount, but it was a pain I could manage.

Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On a-Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, darling, kiss me

Fill my heart with song
And let me sing forever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

Fill my heart with song
Let me sing forever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, in other words
I love you

Apparently, not everyone was a music lover, as a number of guards moved to disperse the crowd and force me to move. “Fine!” I said exaggeratedly. “But I’ll only leave if you’ll tell me a nearby tavern. Singing is thirsty work.”

Just wanting to be rid of me, they gave me directions. “That didn’t work. What now?” Kira asked.

“We go get a drink. Besides, it hasn’t failed yet. So far it’s all according to plan.”

I went to the recommended tavern, grabbed a mug of passable mead and found a table in a quiet corner. I nursed the mead, but still ended up needing a second mug to not arouse suspicion. It was taking a bit longer than I thought. Spoke to the carefulness of the city.

Guards eventually came into the tavern, their faces serious. After a moment of talking with the owner, he pointed me out and they approached. “Was getting caught part of your plan?” Kira asked me.

“Wrong Batman villain,” I responded silently. I stood up. “Good day, gentlemen!” I smacked my lips as I spoke. “Why so serious? Surely a mug of this establishment’s fine mead will put smiles on those faces! In fact, everyone please have a round on me!”

“No!” one of the guards barked. “No one’s drinking any more today.”

“Careful, sergeant. You’re going to lose the crowd that way.”

“Cut the act. You’re under arrest for kidnapping.”

“Kidnapping? Oh dear. It has been quite a while since anyone accused me of that one, and I assure you that each of those maidens joined me willingly and were returned safely home, if perhaps a bit inebriated.”

“Kyle, you’re not helping yourself.”

“Hush, I’m establishing my character. If you’re not over the top in Valor’s Triumph, you’re not worth noticing. And I’m trying to get noticed.”

“Come along quietly,” the other guard said, unamused.

“Oh, I might consider coming along, but I’m afraid quietly just isn’t an option. On a day as breathtaking as this, I simply must fill the air with song.

The devil went down to Isger
He was lookin' for a soul to steal
He was in a bind
'Cause he was way behind
And he was willin' to make a deal!”

That’s when the guard tried to punch me. I say tried, because his arm was caught by invisible hands. “Stand down, guardsman,” a woman’s voice commanded. Due to her action, the invisibility spell wore off and a gold armored knight nearly as tall as me shimmered into view before me. The most striking part of her was her ice-white hair. She also had golden eyes.

Also, she had a pair of gold-scaled leathery wings on her back.

“Lady Valoria?!” both guards said at once, dropping to a knee.

“That never ceases to be annoying.”

“You have to buy them a beer or something once in a while. You know, let them see that you’re a normal human, or dragon, or whatever,” I suggested.

I heard a silvery peal of laughter from behind her and another figure shimmered into view. This was a much shorter woman, perhaps a few inches shorter than Aurora, and I could see very little of her features under the silver cloak she wore. From what I could see, she had hair the color of a red fox.

It matched the tail I could see peeking out from under her cloak. “You are a bit unapproachable, old friend,” she teased the taller woman.

“Special Agent Veil!” one of the men gasped. From their expressions, I could tell that they were terrified of her.

“So, guardsmen, tell me what this is about?” Her voice was serious.

“This man is wanted for questioning regarding the disappearance of Princess Velandhrathal.”

“Missing? The princess isn’t missing.”

“Lord Noctis went to the garden to speak with her and she wasn’t there, even though none of the guards she left outside the garden saw her leave. As this happened around the time this man performed his little concert, we suspect he was involved.”

“As Veil said,” the gold knight chimed in, “Velandhrathal isn’t missing.”

“She’s not?” The guard seemed mystified.

“No. She took a sabbatical and is visiting my distant cousins to learn more about being a dragon. She pretended to be out in the gardens because she can be left alone there for the several hours she expected to be gone. So you’re to report to your captain immediately and let him know that I’ve ordered the search called off. You may tell him the real reason she’s gone, but in order to not alarm people, everyone else is to be told that she was found in the garden, napping in the highest branches of the tallest tree.”

“Understood! But what of him? His little concert still seems suspicious.”

“That was his way of contacting us,” Veil said. “The song was a one-time code meant to identify him to us given by another agent.”

“Apologies. We did not know.”

“You weren’t meant to. Now go, and speak no more of it.”

After the guards left, I motioned for the women to join me. “Still keeping up the dual identities?” I asked the princess.

“Not so loud!” she whispered.

“Sorry,” I apologized. “Shall we find somewhere more private to talk?”

“Do you have such a place?”

“I do, but it might create a stir if you’re seen going there with me.”

They exchanged a worried glance. “Not a house of ill repute, I trust?” Valoria asked.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “That depends on how busy and how careful our factor has been. Sorry, let me introduce myself. My name is Kyle O’Halloran of the Voidstrife family and I’m here on behalf of the city of Magnimar.”

Veil sighed. “Oh, that organization. Your factor does indeed have a reputation. And you’re right, us being seen going there could cause problems. But we can follow you without being seen and have a few questions we’d really like answered. So lead on.”

We made our way to the company office, which I enchanted against scrying. Valerica was surprised when the other two appeared out of nowhere. On an unrelated note, I have no idea why all three of their names start with the letter V. One of life’s mysteries, I guess.

“Okay, ladies. You’ve been patient, so I’ll answer your questions first. Ask away.”

“I only have two,” Veil said. “How’s Sam?”

“She’s doing well, as far as I can tell. She’s dating my sister.”

“She hadn’t told us she’d brought anyone else with you.”

“None of us knew. It’s sorta complicated. The short version is that my twin sister we thought was dead was instead living in my body in a semi-dormant state. Here, let me get the telepathic interface and a speaker so she can join the conversation.”

That was a mistake. As soon as she was hooked up, Kira squeed. “Ohmygod! VEE! I’ve been anxious to ask you this question for forever. Is it really true that Falric once climbed the highest mountain during a blizzard to get you a rare flower that only blooms during the full moon on the night of the winter solstice because you were sad your father had forgotten your birthday?”

The fox-tailed girl who reminded me very much of Holo the Wise Wolf for some reason blushed furiously. “I’m going to kill Samantha,” she muttered to herself.

Here’s a little background information from what Samantha told me. Falric was her cousin and was betrothed to the princess for political reasons. He was Obrek’s mentor and the former Scion of Iomedae until he died of Terminal Mentor’s Syndrome – the same disease that killed Obi Wan in Star Wars, Duncan in Dragon Age and Kamina in Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. He ascended and became a Solar, one of the most powerful types of angels, because Terminal Mentor’s Syndrome usually ends with the mentor becoming more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

“Oh my god! It’s true?!”

“We are not talking about this.”

“But it’s so adorable!”

“Kira,” I said, “that’s enough.”

“Spoilsport.”

“Thank you,” Veil said. “Now, for my second question. Why are you here?”

“Ah, one of the human questions. It is simple. If I can’t secure a huge amount of mithral, the city of Magnimar will likely be destroyed.” I brought them up to speed on what had been going on and gave them a rough idea of what we were doing to protect the city.

“That’s terrible,” Veil said. “Say the word and I will deploy a force from the Silver Legion to assist in defending your city. If you need aid in evacuating the people, I will do everything in my power. But mithral might be difficult. Everything currently mined has already been spoken for. If we had a month or two, I can easily reserve new production, but you don’t seem to have that kind of time.”

“So there’s nothing you can do?”

“I’m sorry. Any attempts I made would only strengthen the case made by Lord Noctis and his friends within the Aspis Consortium. We’re barely fending off their attempts to grab power in the city as it is.”

“That’s fine.” My mind had already begun trying to work out other solutions. “Maybe if I got enough pearls of power at the right strengths I could blood fabricate what I need? Or maybe teach the workshop spell to someone else just to have them use it to turn gold to magicite and magicite to mithral?” I asked no one in particular.

At that moment, there was a knock on the door. Valerica opened it and one of our agents came in, he had suffered several minor wounds. The two conferred for a moment, then she pointed at me. “Tell him what you just told me.”

“My lord, I managed to track down where the Consortium is holding all of the mithral. There’s something going on over there. I don’t think it’s just commerce. They look like they’re prepared to start a war.”

“What?!” Veil exclaimed.

“They’re gearing up for something. And it’s going to be soon.”

“Anything else stand out as being of note?” I asked.

“The man leading the operation seems to be one of their silver level agents. He was talking with a local noble. I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I was pretty far back looking with a scope. But I did see one interesting thing.”

“Out with it.”

“They both had the same tattoo.”

A chill ran up my spine. “Describe it.”

“It’s hard to describe. It would be easier if I drew it.”

“Do it.” I turned to Valerica. “Send out a general order. All agents are to pull back immediately are return to base to await further instructions. Also, send a runner to whoever the White Grotto has out here. Tell him or her that something bad might be about to happen and I may need their support.”

“What is it?” Valoria asked me. “What has you so worried.”

The man had finished his sketch and held it up for us to see. I swore. “That. That’s what I was afraid of,” I said, pointing at the sihedron on the page. I had been a fool to think that they were limiting their activities only to Varisia. An attack here would end a major potential threat to Karzoug’s consolidation of power before it had even realized he was coming.

But why the mithral? If they were going to make it into weapons, it would have taken longer to hide. And if they took the city, there’d be no need to stockpile it beforehand. And trading it was a silly reason, as gold or platinum would be more portable. Unless…

“Oh crap. It’s an offering.”

“You’re starting to irritate me with your habit of not making any sense,” Veil said.

“Tell me about it,” Kira agreed.

“One of Karzoug’s agents set this up. They’re going to destroy and/or subjugate the city. The mithral is an offering to whatever they’re summoning to do the heavy lifting. Some kind of fiend, most likely.”

“In a city of paladins? Are you daft?” Valerica said, pointing out the flaw in my logic.

“It might not matter, if it was strong enough.”


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The Shining City of Silver, Part 2

Spoiler:
“And what could someone possibly offer one that strong to get its help?” Veil asked.

And that was the final piece of the puzzle. But I had already thought of that. “A metric ton of mithral just to listen to his or her proposal. And the reward is the task: A chance to destroy a city filled with holy relics and housing the world’s greatest order of paladins while its greatest defenders are away.”

The realization hit everyone else in the room at the same time. Jaws dropped and people sprang into action. “Valoria, mobilize the Legion, the town watch and the Shineymen.”

“Valerica,” I added. “Have our people report get ready to Valoria or a chosen lieutenant.”

“And what are you going to do?” Valoria and Valerica asked simultaneously.

“I’m going to sneak into the warehouse and confirm what they’re up to,” Veil and I replied, also simultaneously. We exchanged a look, realized there was no chance of convincing the other not to go and immediately. “Can you be stealthy?” we asked eachother. “Fine, don’t slow me down.” Another pause. “Stop that.” Another pause. “Fine. Just don’t slow me down.”

Kira, meanwhile, was laughing her ass off. I ignored her, passed out several hands-free radios and explained how to use them. Then we set out to save the city.

“Juiz, interface with the power suit and begin equipment checks. I may need to pull it out in a hurry if things go south.”

“Acknowledged.”

The people running security on the building were rank amateurs. Good security is layered, with parts for show and parts to do the real work. The former keeps amateurs from trying, while the latter is meant to stop pros. But these were armed thugs. All for show. The only thing they’d stop is a brave amateur. And while I’m not a professional thief, what I am is a wizard, which more than makes up the difference.

Luckily, while I hadn’t prepared more than a couple combat spells for the day, I had thought ahead enough to prepare for stealth operations, since you never know what you’ll need to steal during the course of a proper business day. Secrets usually, but sometimes substantially larger things.

We used magic to open an upper window and invisibly float inside, then found a position where we could see what was going on with little chance of being seen in return, even if someone was snooping for magical auras. Which I had hidden. Because this was not my first rodeo.

What we saw was bad, to completely understate the facts. Someone had drawn a massive conjuring circle upon the ground and filled it with crates of mithral. Priests stood around it, chanting a calling spell. I hate being right. I mean, it was only logical considering the facts I knew, but still.

What I hadn’t seen coming was the emblem of the azure coin stamped on the side of each crate. This offering was meant for Mammon, Lord of Erebus and Hell’s gods damned accountant. And if not him specifically, it was meant for one of his underlings. I can’t imagine anyone would go to that trouble for anything less than a pit lord. It was even possible we were talking about an Infernal Duke, the direct lieutenants of the Archdevils.

If that was the case, the city was absolutely screwed. There was little we could do. Hopefully we could evacuate some people before things went literally to Hell. But the truth was, I was tired of thinking like that. I had to find a way to stop it.

Only…the ritual was past the tipping point. The creature being summoned had already heard the call. The only thing disrupting the spell could possibly do now was cause a magical feedback loop that could turn this entire mountain into another Mana Wastes.

So we did nothing, and watched as the spell completed. If it was just a pit lord, perhaps we could act. But I somehow knew that it wouldn’t be.

And again, sometimes I hate being right. The mithral disappeared and a twenty foot tall golden flame replaced it. After several moments, the flame coalesced into a fifteen foot tall devil with gleaming golden skin, the head of a jackal and the tail of a snake. Because of course he did.

The being in the center of the circle was Amun, former lieutenant of Astaroth. He had left her services when she had rebelled against Asmodeus and allied herself with a powerful black dragon to destroy Valor’s Triumph. It had been said that he had supported her goal, but had refused to turn against Asmodeus. So it was that he found himself in the employ of Mammon.

And here he was, in Valor’s Triumph, potentially poised to destroy it.

Hell had sent a token force to aid in the defeat of Astaroth, but that had been about capturing a traitor, not because Asmodeus had any love for the city. Amun would likely have nothing stopping him save whatever defenses the city could raise.

An elven man with raven black hair and a particular reptilian quality confidently approached. “Noctis!” Veil hissed.

“Greetings, Lord Amun! I thank you for accepting my invitation and granting me this audience.” He bowed with a flourish.

“It was an intriguing invitation,” the fiend replied. “Such a supply of mithral simply to hear your proposal. You have my attention. I only hope you do not regret gaining it.”

“Go,” I whispered to Veil. “Warn your people that Astaroth’s former lieutenant is here. Get everyone you can to shelters or evacuated.”

“What are you going to do?”
“Buy time and then run away. If all goes well, I’ll rejoin you all on the defensive lines shortly after things get crazy.” I pulled the carefully folded portable hole from my non-magical pocket. “Do me a favor. Take this and open it up outside, then cast a fly spell on the construct that comes out.” She nodded, turned invisible once more and flew out the window.

I sent my instructions to Juiz through the telepathic interface along with a mental image of the room. “Acknowledged,” came the reply.

I listened for about a minute as Noctis laid out his plan. I won’t bore you with the details, but it was a trade. In exchange for the deaths of Velandhrathal Argentus and the rest of the ruling class, Noctis offered destruction of all holy artifacts within the city, one tenth of all mithral and silver production in the city for the duration of Noctis’ rule and the souls of every goblin within the city. Noctis indicated that he was certain that he could get them to follow along and agree to pledge their souls to Hell because they were weak minded.

“An interesting offer,” Amun said approvingly.

“Perhaps I can make a better one,” I said, appearing before him in a puff of smoke. I had turned my hair black and my clothes now bore a red and black motif with a silver star on the back.

The men in the room were startled, but the devil only laughed. “An intriguing development.”

“Who are you?!” Noctis demanded.

“It is fitting that you do not know me,” I said. “As, unlike you, I have the patience to act carefully, playing the long game. You seek to rush things, to seize power through blood. You are a fool! I will take this city quietly, a piece at a time. When I am done, I will not need to trick the goblins. Not only the goblins, but also the humans, the dwarves and elves – lo, even the Aasimar! – will offer their souls to me willingly, a currency I may trade freely with those who hold what I want. Therefore I find it distasteful that your imbecilic plot forces me from the shadows to deal with your incompetence.”

“Your response does not answer the question,” the fiend noted, with a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Alas, you are correct. My apologies. That was rude of me. Please allow me to introduce myself.

I’m a man of wealth and taste.
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul to waste

I watched with glee
While kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the gods they made

Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me Lucifer
As your soul I taint.”

At the end, I bowed. “A florid introduction. I find such ways with words sorely missing,” the fiend said. “So, Lucifer, tell me of your counter offer.” Noctis looked ready to object, but decided against it.

“Of course. As I said, I am a man of great wealth. So I shall offer you wealth. Perhaps we start with a trade for that mithral. I’ll give you say, twenty percent, no twenty five percent since I have taken a shine to you, above market value for the mithral that the good Lord Noctis has given you. I can certainly wait for more, but the truth is that I need that for another operation I’m working on and now is the optimal time to make that deal. I’m sure you understand.”

“I am amenable to such a trade, though I do believe this to be a seller’s market, so we’ll have to further negotiate the amount. I’m sure you understand.”

I smiled. “Of course. It was merely an opening bid to get your attention. Now on to the heart of the matter. All I want is for you to reject Noctis and do nothing. In exchange, I offer you wealth. Say, perhaps, a life-sized platinum statue of you? Or if that is too lacking in portability, I could give you the same weight in platinum in bars, carried in steel chests lined with the supple hides of dragon whelps.” The last part was to confirm something I suspected. As I thought, Noctis’ face showed a look of anger. Interesting.

“A good start. I like that you ask that I do nothing, but the recompense is lower than that your rival offers. Can you sweeten the deal?”

“Of course. How about I offer you magical items as well? Say, an equal value to the platinum in magical items?”

“I up my offer to twenty percent of the monthly mithral production,” Noctis said. I had hoped for that. A bidding war would buy more time. I mean, sure, I would have happily found a way to make that first payment to save the city, but I didn’t suspect it to be enough. It is likely that Amun was also just using me to raise what he could get from Noctis.

I smirked. “Ah, so at last he gets serious. I shall add in an equal weight in gold and silver to the platinum I have offered. Now let us talk of his promise to destroy artifacts. Short-sighted. I instead offer corruption. The artifacts will be corrupted and used to spread my empire to the four corners of the world.”

“A fair point,” Amun conceded. “That is indeed an added value.”

“Thirty percent,” Noctis interjected.

Amun smiled to himself. He then looked at me. “I find your offers equal but on one point. Souls. What souls do you offer me?”

I wasn't going to promise a devil souls. Nope, never happen. It was almost time to wrap up. “Alas, I can offer none. It is a point of pride that all souls I gain will be mine to do with as I please. But perhaps I can offer more exotic items, more than just precious metals and artifacts, but instead items none but I can procure.”

“I’m listening.”

“I have many things I can offer, from simple carbon nanotubes to aerogel or even C4. And these are just the start.”

I waited a pregnant second before someone broke the silence. “What is C4?” Noctis asked.

I smiled. I couldn’t help myself. “‘C’ is for Cookie, motherf$#%er,” I said as I raised my hand and snapped my fingers. And then the ceiling exploded.

Juiz had been hard at work while I’d been buying time. Sure, there was little chance an infernal duke could be killed by that, I figured it could at least bring down some of the people summoning him. And it would make a good distraction for an escape.

And escape is what I did. I teleported up to the catwalk vantage point and leapt out of the window I’d come in. Normally, it would have been enough of a fall to hurt a bit, but magic boots. Wizard: one. Gravity: too many to count.

Once I was safely outside, Juiz set off a second set of explosions, collapsing the building walls inward. I hadn’t told her to do that. She was improvising. That’s the power of an AI over a VI. Best decision I ever made.

To say Amun was pissed would be an understatement. To say he was livid would be too weak of a word. There is no possible word to describe how angry he appeared. He made ‘angry Lenn’ look like a Zen master.

And I was the target of his rage.

He spotted me quicker than I would have liked. “YOU!” he roared, charging me. He picked me up by the front of my shirt and flung me with a snarl. I slammed into the wall of a building fifty feet away so hard that I would have gone through it had it not been solid stone. I’m not sure how I didn’t die, to be honest, though I was in such pain I wished at the time that I had.

He charged at me again, but this time he was intercepted by a silver dragon. “You will not harm anyone else in my city!” Veil shouted at him, her dragon-voice echoing through the mountains. She slammed into him, her momentum smashing him into another wall. A quartet of mithral blades whirled around her scaled body, but could not pierce his tough skin.

She wheeled back and dozens of guardsmen fired crossbows at him. Paladin-archers joined in the volley, declaring the fury of their gods upon him. And Juiz shot him with my rail gun.

But he was an infernal duke, and they were like gnats before him. A spiked mace that looked like something Sauron would wield appeared in his hand and he struck Veil. Just one swing sent her flying like a rag doll.

She actually went through the wall. I could only hope that all the buildings nearby had been safely evacuated. Agniray and Tikal unleashed volleys of fireballs and alchemical bombs on him. Then someone reminded Agniray that devils are immune to fire and he began using his bow. It would have been comical if the situation weren’t so dire.

Agniray and Tikal’s attacks were at least doing damage, but again, there was no way they could beat him. He reached out a hand and unleashed a ray of hellfire from his fingertip, cutting the building they stood on in two.

“Is this all your vaunted city of heroes can throw at me?! I will reduce this city to rubble! None can stand in my way! But first, I will kill this insignificant pest who has interfered in my deal!”

From within a cloud descended a glowing figure, a Solar, one of the most powerful types of angels in existence. “You will do no such thing!” the Solar’s voice carried the fury of the heavens and bolstered the hearts of the faithful.

“You think you can stop me, angel?!”

“I shall play my part, certainly.”

“Even with your help, this city is doomed.”

“We shall see,” the Solar responded, drawing back the string on his bow. An arrow, or perhaps a spear, appeared within. He released the string and the projectile shot forward with a mighty twang.

And shot right past the fiend. “You missed! Pathetic!”

“I wasn’t aiming for you,” the angel replied. “I came here as a delivery boy, nothing more.”

“Then what were you aiming at?”

Meanwhile, the ‘arrow’ that had flown past him had ricocheted off of several walls and had come straight at me. I thought it would strike and kill me, but something happened. I could feel a power growing as the projectile approached. Kira could feel it too.

“My heart: UNLOCK!” she shouted. I felt myself shunted from control as she took over our body. She reached out and grabbed the projectile, spinning it like a flag bearer, whirling and twisting her own body as she redirected the momentum and brought it to a perfect stop. As she did so, she kicked up a ton of dust.

“I thought you hated using that phrase for transforming,” I said.

“It’s growing on me,” she replied.

When the dust settled, Kira stood there, twelve feet tall. She was wearing armor that looked like some kind of futuristic cross between ancient Spartan, Roman legionnaire and Viking armor made of a metal I had never seen before, all over a short dress made of what can only be described as leather, but again seemed unfamiliar. And in her hand was a very familiar weapon – the spear I had willed into existence in the afterlife.

The air thrummed with music that had no source. War drums that didn’t exist rumbled the chests of all around. Some of the sounds were from electric guitars and other instruments from Earth that had no presence on Golarion. More than that, I could feel something, murmurs of past lives. Kira had been all three of those things, a Spartan soldier – one of the Three Hundred whose name lost to history! – a Roman Legionairre – serving both during the age of Hannibal and during another life around year 100 CE – and as a Viking raider.

“If you are so bored with the fight that this city has offered, then perhaps I shall give you a better one,” Kira proclaimed to the fiend.

Without a word, he charged and the two exchanged a series of blows. His strikes hit her, but her armor perfectly deflected and cushioned the blows, such that she didn’t even feel them. In return, he suffered several shallow wounds.

He bounded back and unleashed another ray of hellfire. She responded by flicking her left wrist. Hundreds of tiny plates slid out in much the same way as my collapsible mirror does, though they did not seem to use a spring assembly. She used this new shield, as big as those used in Sparta, to block the hellfire. The shield didn’t even get hot.

“That metal doesn’t exist yet,” Samantha whispered to me.

“What?” I replied, startled.

“It only exists in six of several million potential timelines, and in none of them does it come into being for at least fifty thousand years. Apparently it’s so strong that it has to be forged using multiple controlled black holes. And even then, very little of it ever exists.”

“Then how…?”

“My girl’s fighting a very powerful foe. So I cheated and borrowed it.”

“What about the leather?”

“Comes from a creature in another galaxy. Very dangerous, those.”

“I see. So, last question. If this stuff is so rare and valuable, how is it that you were able to find a full suit that just happens to perfectly fit Kira?”

She laughed. “Guess that’s just one of life’s great mysteries. Dream-corn?” she asked, holding out a tub of popcorn.

“That’s okay, I’m trying to quit.”

“Oh, one more thing. You cannot touch the spear when you’re in control of the body.”

That seemed unfair. “Why not?”

“The music you’re hearing, that can be heard a hundred miles from here in every direction. But there’s something you can’t hear, we’ll call it eighth dimensional music. Every being, from gods and fiends to the beings you call the Elder Things, with the power to hear vibrations on the eighth dimension within a several hundred light year radius can feel it. And it’s unlike anything anyone has ever heard before. Superficially, every being of extreme power makes such vibrations when we do anything significant in the material plane.

“But Kira’s song contains notes none of us have ever heard before. Some will be curious, others afraid. Most will dismiss it. But if you pick it up, a different song will resonate and others will investigate. It inevitably leads to the destruction of Earth before its time. Doesn’t mean you can’t interact with it, if you can find a way to do so remotely. Just don’t touch it.”

That sounded alarming. “Before its time?!”

“You know, when the sun naturally explodes. Or one of the other cosmic things that might normally destroy it comes up.”

“How much before?”

“Anywhere from fifteen to a hundred and eighty years from now, depending on how the rest of the timeline plays out.”

Okay, yeah, not touching the spear. But that confused me. “Why didn’t it do anything when I held it while we were dead?”

“Not on the material plane, remember? Only a problem here.”

“And why is Kira suddenly so strong?”

“I can’t tell you. World shattering consequences and all that. Literally. But what I can tell you is that your spear there is just as powerful as Gozreh’s Scythe and the Will of Iomedae.”

WHAT. “But those were created by gods.”

“You just used a greater percentage of your will to create yours than they did for theirs is all. Eighty percent of five is greater than three percent of one hundred, after all.”

“I’m one twentieth the strength of a god while I’m released from my body?!”

“It was an analogy. I don’t know the precise amounts. All I know is you used a lot more than they would have as a percentage of your own power. Now hush, I’m trying to watch the fight.”

Amun charged again, swinging with a powerful two-handed strike. The massive blow struck Kira’s raised shield with enough downward force that the very ground beneath her feet cracked. Let me reiterate. The SOLID STONE beneath her feet broke beneath the weight of his blow and yet somehow her arm was fine.

Kira responded by slamming him with her shield and stabbing forward with her spear, piercing one of his biceps. He seemed surprised by how much it had hurt. Again, to make sure you’re not missing the point here, let me reiterate. The being who had ignored the arrows of a dozen paladins whose faith would allow their arrows to pierce all protections felt an alarming amount of pain from Kira’s attack.

He leapt back and flew up into the sky. “You are a powerful warrior, I must admit. But you are still only a warrior. You cannot touch me here. I will rain down destruction from above. You cannot protect the entire town at once. Just stay there and watch these pitiful mortals burn.”

That pissed me off. There had to be something I could do to help. I tried casting a spell, but nothing happened. The frustration in me welled up to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore. “FLY!” I roared. And the spear responded. From within it came a wellspring of power, imbuing Kira with the ability to fly as if I had cast a spell. “What.”

I reached out with my mind and I felt the spear respond. It wasn’t intelligent, not exactly. But it was my will coalesced into solid form. It would respond to me. I tried reaching out with my mind again and asked it to cast another spell. No response.

Perhaps it needed something more. A combination of will and word? “Haste,” I commanded. It reacted. Huh. I began thinking of other spells I could cast to help Kira and began speaking the names I called them by. It didn’t even seem to matter that I hadn’t prepared the spell, so long as I knew it. “Displacement. Greater Heroism. Energy Protection, Fire. Shocking Shield. Fire Shield. Bear’s Endurance. Badger’s Ferocity. Stoneskin. True Seeing.”

Kira smirked. “Thanks.” She rose into the air. But I hadn’t finished yet. In touching the spear with my mind, I had learned something else. I could imbue it with a single weaker spell it would cast on every single strike.

My sister streaked through the sky, striking the foe through his armor and dealing a minor but substantial wound. At the moment of impact, a burst of radiant light exploded outward. As when I cast it, the light injured evil creatures, and the fiend was no exception.

They exchanged several more blows and he backed up again. “I must admit, you’re stronger than me. But I need only speak a single word to summon enough Erinyes that their black wings will blot out the sun. What do you say to that?”

Kira shrugged. “Then we’ll fight in the shade.” I knew it was coming, but it was still awesome to hear.

<I knew you’d like that one.>
<I never would have forgiven you if you had missed the opportunity.>

That was certainly not what Amun had expected to hear. He cast his summons quickly, in a near panic. True to his word, the skies filled with thousands of Erinyes. “And now you die!” he shouted. Arrows rained from all directions.

“Wind Wall!” I commanded. A stream of wind protected her from three sides, allowing her to block the remaining with her shield.

“Nice catch,” she said. “I can take them, but I need you to do something for me.”

“Name it.”

“Tell the spear to become two swords.”

What. “I’m not sure I can do that.”

“Try anyway?”

I sighed. “Fine. Picture what you want and I’ll tell it to do that.”

To my amazement, it worked. The spear split apart into a pair of katanas. Not only that, her armor shifted, looking more like that of a samurai. And the music changed, incorporating instruments common in traditional Japanese music.

Amun backed away quickly and a wall of Erinyes interdicted itself between us and him. Kira smirked. “Pathetic.”

To the naked eye, it appeared that Kira simply disappeared for one point three eight six seconds – or so Juiz tells me – and reappeared on the other end of the swarm. But I was dragged along with her. Time slowed down and we moved through the swarm. It was still too fast for me to see, but I know we went through the entire swarm in something of a spiral motion before ending up on the other side.

“Impressive, but now you’re surrounded!” Amun gloated.

“Tch.” Kira was dismissive.

“You still think you can win?!”

“You heard it too, didn’t you?” Kira asked, performing chiburui – ritualistically swiping a blade clean – with both blades. A single drop of blood flicked off of each of them. From behind us, a soft breeze blew, the air dragged by Kira’s motion.

<Note: I still can’t figure out how she didn’t cause about three hundred sonic booms from her hypersonic movement.>

“What’s that?!”

“The voice of the wind.” At her words, every single Erinyes fell in half, like something out of a ridiculous movie.

In Amun’s eyes, I saw true, pants-shitting terror. “We can work this out!” he said. “You needed the mithral, right? Done,” he snapped his fingers and every crate returned, lying on the ground around the warehouse. “That’s not enough? I will give you wealth beyond your imagining.” He snapped his fingers and an immense pile of gold and platinum coins appeared near the crates. “Just let me go. That’s all I ask. I swear I’ll never return to this place.”

Kira’s voice was quiet, but heard throughout the city. “You have conspired with Noctis to overthrow the city’s government. You have done millions of gold in damages to the city. Hundreds of people have been injured and just as many are likely dead. Nonetheless, I can forgive you for those.”

“Then I can go?”

“But you tried to kill my brother.” She held out her right blade, pointing it at him. “Yurusenai!”

You don’t have to understand Japanese to understand what she meant. It was in her voice. But since you can’t hear that here, please understand that she had made a very serious oath, the kind of oath that led warriors to tear apart entire kingdoms to get at the target of their hatred. Quite literally, it is a declaration that one’s actions have so offended the speaker that they cannot be forgiven. Only in death could one possibly atone.

Kira was out for blood.

She looked at me out of the side of her eye. “Dance with me, shrine maiden?” Memories suddenly struck me and I recalled some details from a life we lived in Japan long ago. Our family had been impoverished lesser nobility. My brother was a samurai in service of his lord. I had been a shrine maiden, tending to the shrine of our family’s gods.

I had been terrified that my brother would die, so I had secretly trained and learned how to wield a sword. I never used it in true combat, but I had sparred with my brother, and together we had turned a dance I had created for a festival into a sword form.

<I actually used it in combat. I killed six men who ambushed me. I was really looking forward to coming home and telling you about it, but then some a&*$&%@ with a bow shot me in the back.>

I nodded and we danced together. I could recall steps perfectly. While I was nothing more than a mental projection – indeed no one could see me – but Kira was very real. And Amun was completely outclassed.

Amun’s head fell to the floor beneath us with a wet thud. We flew down to the ground where the Solar stood, cradling the limp form of Veil. “Not today, love,” he said, resurrecting her.

“Falric!” she said softly, her arms about his neck and her face buried in his chest.

After several moments in their own world, he noticed Kira. “I had wondered why I had been ordered to deliver the spear to you instead of using it myself. Forgive me for doubting.”

Kira held up her hand in a ‘v for victory’ salute. “Don’t mention it.” Her knees began to buckle and the swords fell from her hands, becoming a spear once more.

Suddenly Samantha was there, catching her as she fell. She kissed Kira on the forehead. “You overdid it, little shepherd, but the wolves are dead and the flock is safe. Rest now.”

“Night night,” was all Kira said, before passing out. My body shifted back to its normal form and I found myself once more in control.

“Think you could let me up before someone tells my wife and she gets the wrong idea?” I asked.

Samantha laughed. “Sure. Be careful though. Kira used all of the – oh what is the word you people use? – glycogen and other sources of quick fuel in your body. Beyond the point where the ring could keep up. You’re going to be a bit unstable until you can replenish those.” She wasn’t kidding. I felt like I’d been doing another all day marathon of Dance Dance Revolution down at the arcade.

Without prompting, the goblin Rocktooth approached me with a mug of some strange liquid. “Here, drink.” I gave it a sniff. It smelled sweet and had several vaguely familiar notes. “It just water, plants and bee stuffs. Goblins drink when need to be full of bounce.”

That didn’t sound too bad, even for more disgusting values of ‘bee stuffs’. I needed something, for certain. I downed it quickly. It was warm, as if it had been hot brewed and partially cooled over time. “Okay, I’m tasting honey, black tea and… is that ma huang?” You probably know the latter as ephedra, a Chinese herbal whose use has been banned in the US due to containing a dangerous stimulant. I knew a guy in college who used the stuff to stay up cramming for tests. It probably wouldn’t kill me in the kind of dose found in a tea. And, again, I kinda needed it.

He gave me a confused look and shrugged. “Don’t know. Wife makes. I drink.” He then turned to Samantha and saluted. “Sir!”

“Dismissed, soldier.”

“Yes, sir!”

Veil weakly stood from Falric’s arms and gave Samantha a hug. “You should visit more often.”

“Sorry,” Samantha said. “I try, but you know how it gets some times. I get so wrapped up in work sometimes I just forget other things exist.” She turned to the Solar. “And you! Arm wrestle me!”

“Not after that last humiliating defeat. Have you put in any thought to coming down to the World Wound? We could use your help.”

She made a gagging face. “And hang out with paladins all day? Boring!”

As they caught up, I spoke with Juiz. “Did you record the music from Kira’s fight?”

“I recorded the fight’s visual and audio data. Creating separate archive of the music. Would you like to index and name the file?”

“Yes.” But what to name it? “Title the file… Vanguard of Victory.”

“Indexing complete.”

It would have been easy to think the fight was over, but that would have been wrong. Sure, there were piles of dead Erinyes lying everywhere. Amun was dead. The Aspis Consortium’s forces were decimated. But there was one enemy still alive.

The rubble of the warehouse shuddered and a great black dragon burst forth from the debris. He looked and saw Veil and let out a roar. “YOU! I WILL NO LONGER ALLOW YOU TO STAND IN MY WAY! I WILL KILL YOU!”

Samantha, Falric and Veil all reacted immediately, but as powerful as they are, the speed of flesh is not as quick as the speed of thought. Without even thinking, I reached out with my mind and grabbed the spear, flinging it with all my might.

The impact to its chest flung the dragon backward, pinning it to a wall with a burst of radiant light. It cried out in pain. “YOU!” It struggled and tried to breath acid at me, but nothing came forth. I had struck a vital point. I pulled the spear back once more with my mind and slammed it into the dragon again and again.

“Tell me one thing,” I said to the wounded dragon. “Tell me why you worked with the runelord.”

“I would have ruled this city, as it was meant to be. He would have his empire, but I would have the city, which is all I ever wanted, the promise of my forebears and my true birthright.” The dragon coughed up blood. “He warned me of you and your friends. He told me that you had an annoying habit of bumbling your way into interfering with his plans. You resist, but you will fail.”

“We stopped Xanesha. We stopped Lyrie Akenja. We stopped you. We will stop Lucrecia. What makes you think Karzoug any different?”

“It is not a thing you can comprehend. There is power within his mind. His will is singular. You will bend to it.”

“We might surprise you.”

“You represent chaos. Dozens of tiny nations clinging to their own ideals. Under Thassilon…under Karzoug, there will be order.”

“Order? There will be tyranny!”

“You will bend to his will or you will be destroyed!”

“This conversation is done. Tell your master that I’m coming for him.” I began to walk away, but the white hot fury coursing through my veins stopped me. I turned around and with a singular thought, withdrew the spear and slammed it into the dragon’s skull with a sickening crunch. Brain matter splattered everywhere. “Never mind. I’ll tell him myself. Sic semper tyrannis.”

I then pulled out my sihedron medallion from the led case in my magic bag. I was sure Karzoug could see me through it, so I had become paranoid about it.

“KARZOUG! Hear me! Your attack on Valor’s Triumph has failed! We’re coming for you!”

“You’re coming to your doom!” boomed the suddenly visible floating image of the runelord.

“It’s always doom with you. I wish you’d get some new schtick. Doom this. Doom that. Well, I'm gonna sing the Doom Song now. Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom.”

“I think I’ve begun to loathe you.”

“Good. The feeling is mutual. Be off now. TTFN means ‘ta ta for now’. Buh-bye. Don’t let the ethereal door hit you on the way out.” He glared at me and the image faded. I carefully put the medallion back in its case.

The others were looking at me like I’d grown another head. Even Samantha seemed shocked. I sat down on a large stone and grabbed a skin of water and a travel cake from my magic bag. The cake was extremely dry and flavorless. I mean seriously, I’ve had plain rice cakes with more flavor.

The others were still staring at me. “What? You said ‘don’t touch it’,” I said to Samantha. “So I didn’t touch it. Or what, did that count?”

“No, that was fine. Just…damn.”

I took another bite. “So, I’m guessing you’re going to tell me I can’t keep the spear?” I asked with my mouth half full. Screw manners. I was starving. She shook her head apologetically.

“What… are you?” Veil asked.

“I’m just a dude, eating a cake, trying to figure out what to do with a magical spear.”

“But…the fight with the devil, and now Noctis…”

I shrugged. “The devil fight was my sister. And the spear does what I tell it to. After the things I’ve heard about this city, this surely can’t be the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen.” I gave Falric a pointed look.

They laughed. “Fair point,” the angel said. “Should I return the spear to Torag?”

“The Forge Father crafted it?” Veil asked.

Samantha grinned. “Nope. A dead guy willed it into existence.”

I was tired. “Look. You can tell them everything later. For now, let’s do this. No, don’t take the spear back to Torag. I may not be able to take it, but it should be out being used. And having seen what I’ve seen today, it should be here.” I pulled it over with my mind and set it on the floor in front of Veil. “You keep it.”

“I can’t,” she tried to protest.

“Sure you can. It's a simple point and stab interface. In exchange, give me the mithral that got returned. You can keep the gold for repairing the city. Can you loan me some portable holes to transport the mithral?”

We worked out the details fairly quickly and things took on a semblance of normalcy once more. The Aspis Consortium was banned from the city under threat of prison. The Voidstrife Cartel, on the other hand, was given favored trade status. And I returned back to Magnimar, my sick guards in tow.

After delivering the mithral, I went home to Aurora. I found her resting on the couch, looking a lot better while sipping some tea. “Rough day?”

“You have no idea,” I replied. I threw off my coat and hat and laid down with my head in her lap. I explained everything, a conversation that took half an hour. “Juiz has video.”

“I’ll watch it later.”

“It’s almost done,” I said hopefully.

“Almost,” she agreed, running her fingers through my hair.

“Still a lot of work left.”

“True, but it’s just building things for a while.”

“Yes, nice, relaxing heavy machine work.” At least I’d have an excuse to listen to ‘Live to Win’ on an eighteen hour loop.

She giggled. Melts my heart every time. “And I won’t let anyone interrupt you.”

“You can interrupt me a little.”

“Only if it’s important.”

“Fair enough.” We sat there for a minute before I came to a realization. “Hey, babe?”

“Yes?”

“I can’t move.”

“What?”

“I can feel my legs and arms, so I don’t think I’m paralyzed. I just can’t move them.”

“Want me to carry you to bed?”

“Yes, please.” It was a testament to her love for me that she didn’t laugh. Not too much anyway.


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A note on Valor's Triumph:

Spoiler:
The Valor's Triumph campaign was my first(well, and only ever completed) campaign that I GMed. We had a ton of homebrewed rules, from "Final Turn", a once per session declaration of bad assery that racked up massive bonuses to whatever you were doing just for sheer audacity of what you were doing, to combo attacks that got bonuses to damage simply for how cool what you did was.

Basically, the city ran on Rule of Cool and Rule of Heroism. The final fight was something like CR27 for a party of two level 20s and two level 19s. And they crushed it by abusing the hell out of those(well, to be fair, their gear was also probably 2-3 levels above where they would have been once you also factor in unique powers gained through the course of the adventure).

The fights, while seeming perhaps out of place for this campaign, were a tribute to those old days and old rules. I rules lawyered the ever-loving heck out of those of the old rules I managed to salvage from my old notes to more or less justify the whole thing. I shared the calcs with the other player, and he said, "Yeah, that looks about right." I played a little fast and loose with the speed buffing segment, though.

The trip to Valor's Triumph was written because one of the other players was curious about how things were going there and how some of their favorite NPCs were doing(Agni and Tikal were the level 19s, the rest were NPCs). Once the trip was confirmed to be written w/ permission of this campaign's GM, there had to be an over the top ridiculous fight.

I will neither confirm nor deny that some of the elements of the fight came about because I've been listening to a lot of Sabaton the last couple weeks.

Anyway, I felt like Kyle needed to go to VT because his story was initially Samantha's story, a way of framing her return to the city after being abducted by a dimensional shifting creature that the party nearly managed to defeat despite having been an attempt at a moral dilemma - save your friend, save the village or catch the bad guy. They split the party. Agni and Gribs saved the village. Obrek and Tikal almost saved Samantha, but their lucky crit streak ran out and a bad roll sealed their defeat.

In tribute for their dogged determination and sadly ill-fated attempt, instead of her coming back as a vengeful ghost for them to exorcise, she came back as something else. And she brought Kyle back with her. And thus, he had to go eventually.


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Nicely done, Poldaran.


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Still reading, still enjoying.


So, apparently I forgot to upload the last section. Came by to let you all know I had finally gotten together with everyone to plot out the next part and it seems I never uploaded the interlude I'd written back in January. Oops.

Fixing that in a few. The next full section will be up probably next week unless I get some serious sit down time this week.

Spoiler:
The party's gonna learn a bit about what it's like to be Kyle. Sorta.


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Department of Public Works

Spoiler:
I woke up to the sound of screaming. As I was in a magically shielded room, that was a bit weird. Until I realized that the screaming was coming from me.

Have you ever worked out too much, and woken up sore? Imagine that, but multiply it by a thousand. Then have it apply to literally every muscle in your body. Yeah, I was screaming. I’m man enough to admit it.

Now imagine it had happened somewhere you couldn’t just have someone run to the drugstore and grab you some ibuprofen or some lidocaine. To make it worse, magic didn’t have a solution. Well, that’s not entirely true. I had a spell that could work as a very mild analgesic. I just couldn’t move to cast it without whimpering.

There was work to be done. I couldn’t lie around in bed all day, so I ended up having to get Geo to meet with his underground contacts – you know, the cult – and get ahold of bunch of illegal opium poppy. Then I did drugs. Because, while there is no spell for muscle soreness, there’s a spell that will end addictions. It’s expensive – roughly the cost for a family of four to live for a month at a low-moderate standard of living – but I have money and lives were at stake.

Even then, it still hurt quite a bit to move. I probably could have completely dulled the pain, but I needed to remain mentally functional, so the dose was fairly low. So I put on my power armor and had Juiz move me where we needed to go. That helped.

After a few days, the soreness was at a level where I could function without the drugs. I was apparently still grumpy, but people would live. And so would I, despite how vehemently I would have disagreed with that statement the first day.

I realized that even I couldn’t be everywhere at once, so I created a simulacrum to assist me. In doing so, I learned something interesting. Simulacrums don’t have to be of real creatures. Quasi-real creatures work too.

I say this because I made a copy of one of my magic workshop geth.

It was a whim, really. Honestly, a copy of myself would have been the best choice, but that creeped me out. So geth it was. I put it to work installing fabricated cameras and radios in every workshop so Juiz could keep an eye on every single workshop at once.

After that, I assigned my geth – I named him Faraday – to work on teaching the different shops what they would need to know to continue work on the different components I needed. It took a bit for them to adapt to learning from a robot with a flashlight head.

For the most part, the work went well. The overtime pay was a great incentive once people wrapped their heads around the idea. Company provided lunches were another benefit they took to immediately. So even though I was working them twelve hours a day, most of the workers saw it as an opportunity.

That isn’t to say there weren’t some complaints. One event in particular merits mention.

A young noble who worked for the Gomeworks had gotten it into his head that conditions were unfair and he could alleviate his own suffering by taking it out on the peasant laborers who we’d hired. I won’t dignify the idiot by naming him. He was far from the only one who was doing so, though he was by far the worst.

Paulie was the one who brought it to my attention. He had been helping organize the laborers and had heard their grumblings. Normally I would have asked Lenn to have a word with the man so as to not interfere with my work, but Lenn and Lenntu had gone with Geo to Sandpoint by then. Apparently Geo’s search for the location of the mountain had turned up information about an expedition that claimed to have found Xin Shalast that had passed through Sandpoint decades past.

So it was that I had to deal with it personally. Aurora and Paulie went with me, but I asked them not to get involved if possible. I was annoyed at the lost productivity, but it had to be done, so I might as well do it right.

We entered the shop where the man’s group was working unannounced and caught him in the act of bullying a laborer. The kid he was picking on couldn’t have been more than seventeen and was a scrawny, malnourished sort. The nobleman was in his early twenties and had a good fifty pounds – mostly muscle – on the kid. So it wasn’t as if the kid could really defend himself from the throttling he was getting, even before you add in the nobleman’s friends.

“Excuse me,” I said. “What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

“This lout bumped into me while I was working. I’m teaching him a lesson,” the man snarled, not even bothering to look away from his target.

“Ah, so we have here a trifling little man wiff delusions of standing,” I said to Aurora in my best cockney accent, loudly enough for the whole shop to hear. “Finks he can strike others for petty reasons because his daddy will protect him? Such a pity. Perhaps his mother was too busy dallying wiff the field hands to teach him proper manners as befits a member of the gentry? ‘Tis a shame, really.”

<I apologize for my half-assing of writing out what it’d sound like in cockney. But I couldn’t do more without making it nigh unreadable.>

“YOU DARE?!” he roared, turning on me with a fury. Paulie used the distraction to usher the young laborer away.

“I dare call into question the paternity of one so brazenly unfit to be called nobility?” I had dropped the accent. “Why yes, I believe I dare. You are an insect, a parasite on the bloated corpse of your family name. I would be doing them a favor by cutting you down where you stand. Luckily for you, my family taught ME proper behavior, so I shall simply eviscerate you with words rather than with the jagged steel you so obviously deserve.”

He roared incoherently and charged me. I sidestepped his blow as Aurora had taught me, then the next and the next. After several moments, he had winded himself with his screeching rage.

That’s when I headbutted him.

I showed no anger, or much emotion at all. I just coldly and calmly slammed my forehead into his nose. I heard it break, the vibrations traveling through my skull. He was on the floor, clutching his face moments later.

“Pick him up,” I calmly told his friends.

“You can’t do this!” he screeched, his voice sounding funny due to the broken nose.

“It seems that I just did.”

“My father will hear of this!”

I knew that card would get played eventually. But I had been playing the game of the nobility for around a decade and had gotten fairly good at it. “Is that so? Good. You should also tell your father that if he in any way interferes with this project, every bard of the White Grotto will start singing an extremely memorable tune about a young nobleman who dies in a horrific yet comedic fashion because of a bad batch of wine from your family’s vineyards. After that, words will be spoken in the ears of a few key individuals such that within a year, even admitting to having ever tried your family’s wine will become such a mark of shame that no one with any standing will ever purchase from you again.

“Your wine will become, at best, the fare of lower quality taverns. In all likelihood, it will become the drink of choice for the desperate homeless. Your fortunes will be ruined. People will speak your family name in hushed tones for generations as a cautionary tale about not crossing your social betters.”

“You wouldn’t!”

“It would be simple and would cause me no more trepidation than I feel when stepping on a bug. So go ahead, just try it. But I would caution against taking out any of your frustration on the common people around you. Because if I hear just one more time that you’ve been using your position in society to mistreat those whose position does not allow them to defend themselves, your father will find your corpse nailed to the front door of the ramshackle hut you call a mansion. The city will probably give me a medal for taking you out of the gene pool.”

The look of terror on his face told me that I’d hit all the right notes. His friends wisely led him away before he could speak further. Aurora gave me a look. “Why the headbutt?”

“Krogan dominance gesture,” I said, like that meant anything to anyone. Well, Kira laughed. Anyone else, I mean.

“Would you really have destroyed his family like that?”

“If he had forced the issue, I’d have done it with glee. Every once in a while, someone needs to remind the nobility that they aren’t untouchable. They are allowed their place in society only so long as they keep themselves within a reasonable standard of behavior. Even if I were heartless and self-serving, a good noble knows that you can only antagonize the common folk so much before they’re forced to retaliate using their much greater numbers. So it’s up to the other nobles to keep those who get out of hand in check.”

<Look at you, pretending you’re too cool to care.>
<I hate rich idiots like that guy so much.>

The random happenings weren’t all bad. One of the workers tasked with making fairy steel beams – which cannot be melted by fairy jet fuel – made a mistake by adding too much mithral and accidentally discovered a new metal alloy with some very interesting properties. Basically, it was a room temperature superconductor.

That allowed me to, in the course of an afternoon, build a micro-fusion reactor. Which I then used to power what we were building. Well, sort of. The smaller parts still ran on magitech batteries. But the larger part incorporated a fusion reactor. Because I could.

It also gave me an idea for a new kind of plane engine, which led to me considering specs for a chassis that could use it. I fed Juiz specs through the telepathic interface. We crunched numbers and ran simulations while working on more boring but necessary tasks. Working on the specs for the plane – which I had dubbed the Night Witch after the nickname of an all female Russian bomber brigade from World War Two – gave me a nice diversion when I feared I would succumb to boredom. Juiz also seemed to enjoy it.

By the time the month was over, Juiz and I had worked out all the bugs. You’d be amazed what you can do with the help of an AI with plenty of spare processing power on the quantum computer blue box that functions as her brain. Considering the billions usually spent on developing new fighter jets, I would be able to become a multi-billionaire overnight and it would be a bargain for the government. Especially since I’m sure there’s no company out there capable of using magic and knowledge of exotic alien materials to make an orbit-capable fighter or bomber for less than a couple hundred million each.

Assuming, of course, we could get enough of a mithral supply to make the required fairy steel frames and mithracite shell. I have to assume Earth doesn’t have much mithral since I’ve never heard of it as a real material back home.

Anyway, tangent aside, it was a stressful month, but at least it was the kind of stress I was used to. Working night and day on a very important project with a deadline? That was much better than trudging through a house of horrors owned by cannibal ogres.

Even then, something had happened. At some point since then, I had gotten used to the whole thing. I still had the nightmares, but they weren’t nearly as bad. Now, I think, if I were faced with a similar situation, I might be better able to handle it. Sure, I’d be stressed and a bit terrified, but I don’t think I’d have a near psychotic break like I did then.

Of course, I’m sure there exist plenty of horrors out there that I’m in no way prepared to handle. But for someone who had been given a safe, sheltered modern American upbringing, it was progress.

As our deadline neared, Geo and co. rejoined us. The work was completed and we taught those who would use it how to do so. We had a bit of a gathering at our house the night before we were to set out. It was our group as well as Orik several of our friends from Sandpoint who had come to see us off, and Chadwick.

My adopted brother and I retired to my study to discuss his role. If everything we had read was true, the Voidstrife cartel needed to be ready to seize the opportunity to lay claim to the riches of Xin-shalast once the Runelord had been dealt with. Also, I wanted someone ready to come in and resurrect us if we died as the prophecy suggested.

I mean, the creation of Lenntu had suggested that it was possible for a man to create life without a woman. Sort of. But did that mean that we needed to create another form of life to survive? And how? Magic seemed the best solution, but I couldn’t create real creatures. So we were stuck. But so long as we won, we could be revived later. So it was horrible, but not that bad.

My real concern was Aurora. If she died and resurrected, what would happen to the baby? I didn’t have time to research whether it had happened before, and I couldn’t really farm out the research without risking her knowing that I knew. So I would do everything I could to make sure that she survived. I swore that on everything I held dear. If it was in my power, Aurora and our baby would still be standing when it was over.

“You okay?” Chadwick asked.

“What?” I replied.

“You were spacing out. It’s not like you. Not like that anyway.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m fine. Just pre-show jitters, of a sort.”

He put a hand on my shoulder. “There’s nothing to be afraid of. You’re going to go out there and show that Runelord that his time is long past. When the day is over, you will have won. You were born for this.”

“I’m less worried about success and more worried about dying in the process,” I said. “I think we can do it. No, I know we’re capable. I’m just not sure we’ll survive it.”

“Well, then don’t forget to set the beacon so I know where your body will be so you can be revived.” He was talking about a magical beacon we’d devised that would send out a repeating magical pulse which was nearly undetectable unless you knew what to look for. It would allow him to pinpoint our location quickly so he could secure Xin-shalast before the Pathfinder Society got wind of it. Perhaps I was taking my annoyance at being denied their library a little too far.

Nah.

“You sure you don’t want to join us?”

He shook his head. “Sorry. I’m no good at combat. I’m strictly a day to day activities kind of wizard.”

It was true. He was terrible at combat magic. “Fair enough.”

“Come on, let’s get back to the party. Your wife will kill us both if you make her entertain everyone alone for too long.”

The party – or whatever you’d call it – was a good reminder. It let us see once more the human – and non-human – faces of those who we were fighting to protect. But even it ended, and we were left alone, each of us with our thoughts in the dark of night.

I laid in bed, my arm around Aurora, the familiar weight of her head on my chest, the faint smell of lilacs and the soft, reassuring sound of her breathing enveloping my senses. I had slept my two hours, and it would be dawn soon. I should have gotten up and prepared some more, but I simply couldn’t bring myself to move for risk of waking her.

Maybe Chadwick was right. I certainly felt like we had a shot. And I wouldn’t back down from this or any challenge, not when the stakes were so high for so many. So, we would fight. We would rise up and face our destiny. Not because we had to. Not because we wanted to. But because it was who we were. We were born for this. And we wouldn’t be denied. Not by Karzoug. Not by any powerful beings that served him. Not even by any gods who stood in our way.

Bring it on. Koi koi.


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Ecstasy of Gold

Spoiler:
Geo’s research efforts were more thorough than any grad student I’ve ever known. He first spoke to Brodert Quink, who solved part of the puzzle and put him on a path towards another collector. The collector then provided him with the remaining bits of information required to get us going on the next step. Then he went to the Stone of the Seers and hired the diviners to verify information and see what else he could find. He said he would have asked me to cast the spells, but I had been busy with our construction.

Let me summarize his findings here. First of all, there was a pair of dwarven brothers, Silas and Varivek Vekker, who had supposedly found Xin-Shalast. They had been gold miners and had stumbled across it looking for more veins of gold. They had even organized an expedition with major backers, but it had never returned.

Unfortunately, they had not revealed the exact location to their backers, but the divinations revealed that we could find the answers we needed – as well as some unspecified danger – at the Vekkers’ cabin, the location of which being something we had learned. And if not, we could follow the basic information the backers knew, following the river Avah into the mountains. It would take longer, but it was better than nothing.

The diviners had also warned that the spirits they consulted foretold that the fabric of reality had frayed in the region around Xin-Shalast and, more concerning, that the presence of a being they only referred to as The King casts a shadow upon our party’s future.

<If Elvis shows up, I’m done.>
<I know, right?>

Because of our worry about the danger possibly waiting at the cabin, we scried and teleported in several miles away. It was midafternoon and the sky was clear when we arrived. That lasted just long enough for us to get a look at the cabin through telescopes.

The blizzard came without warning. We only had two options at that point. Either move quickly to the cabin or teleport out. As we didn’t have time for the latter, we made our way to the cabin. Over the roaring of the wind, we heard some kind of howl that sent chills running down my spine. None of us was sure what it was, but I had a couple theories that I didn’t like. I decided to refrain from bringing it up until I had more to go on.

From outside the cabin, we didn’t see anything inside, so we moved towards the building. Lenn started going around the other side. “What are you doing?!” I shouted at him over the wind.

“SAW FIREWOOD! MEET YOU INSIDE!” he roared back. I had no trouble hearing him over the wind. We made our way inside carefully. There was nothing dangerous seeming immediately within, so we decided to wait for Lenn. After several minutes, we decided to go check on him.

We opened the door to find the big guy carrying a massive armful of wood. He was also covered in bleeding wounds. Also, mushrooms were growing from the wounds.

“What happened?” Geo asked, carefully plucking a mushroom, probably for later study.

“Big tree attacked me,” Lenn said. “My axe was stronger.” He was grinning. Well, whatever makes him happy, I guess. Still, I motioned for Paulie to try to magically attend to the fungal infection and Lenn’s other wounds.

We set the wood in the foyer and made our way inside, finding ourselves in some kind of gold processing room. There was dust everywhere. I had a bad feeling in the back of my head, like there was something I should know but it just wasn’t coming to me.

Naturally, we spent some time searching for valuables. We didn’t find much, but enough unprocessed gold to make it worth the effort, so that was good. We prepared to move on deeper into the cabin, but were stopped when the ghost appeared.

“Oh, for crying out loud!” I said, remembering the Foxglove Manor and eyeing the pack Geo had put the mushroom into suspiciously.

The ghost, that of a dwarven man who I assumed was one of the Vekker brothers, paid us no attention at first, just wandering around complaining about how hungry it was. It then stooped down and dragged its fingers through the dust, then stuck them in its mouth.

“Oh my god! This is delicious!” the ghost exclaimed. It turned to us. “You HAVE to try this!” Then it disappeared.

I could feel a compulsion to do as the ghost said, but I resisted and the strange craving passed. I looked around and saw that most others had also done so, but Aurora was bending down to try it. Suddenly, the bad feeling I had came to the forefront and I realized why this room had bothered me.

“Stop her!” I shouted. “It’s poison!” Arsenic, in fact. Yes, that word got your attention, didn’t it? But what you may not know is that arsenic is used in a number of semiconductors. And while it is most commonly harvested as a byproduct of the smelting of copper, it is also found in the smelting dust of lead and gold. Like the dust all around us.

Lenn was closest to her and restrained her. But she struggled and begged him to let her go, her eyes wild with craving for the dust around us. I hadn’t prepared any spells that would break the compulsion. It was possible our only option was to let her do it and then cure the poison. I knew one of Paulie’s inner forms had access to a spell for that.

But then I got an idea. I motioned for the others to not interfere and began acting like I was seeing another ghost. “You’re right,” I said as loudly as I could while managing to sound stricken. “There is nothing left for me in this world. This world would be better off without me.” I drew my gun and put it to my head. “Goodbye,” I said to everyone.

“KYLE!” Aurora screamed, kicking Lenn and breaking his hold and rushing to me. She struck the gun from my hand and restrained my arms. “Please! You have so much to live for!”

I smiled at her. “Over your craving?”

She looked beffudled. “What?”

“You don’t want to eat the dust anymore?”

“Why would I want to…wait. I did want to. Why did I want to do that?”

“Ghostly compulsion. Glad to see my charade broke you from it.”

“You mean you weren’t actually going to… huh.” Her grip on my arms loosened.

I hugged her. “Sorry for worrying you. But you worried me too, so I think we’re even.”

“EATING THINGS FROM THE FLOOR IS BAD!” Lenn bellowed.

Aurora looked embarrassed. “Sorry.”

We continued onward and soon encountered the ghost again. This time, it looked half eaten, its eyes wild with terror. “Run!” it shouted. “Run for your lives! They’re going to eat you!” Once more, I felt the compulsion wash over me, and for a split second I felt afraid, but it quickly passed.

Geo and Lenntu, however, didn’t resist. They looked at us with wild eyed terror and sprinted away from us towards the entrance we’d come in, then out into the snow. We chased after them, but couldn’t see them. We followed the tracks to the edge of the cliff, where we found Geo hanging from the rock face by his tentacles.

“I seem to be in need of some assistance,” he told us, his voice betraying no signs of actual concern. Lenn yanked him up. “My thanks. Lenntu fell down there,” he said as he pointed down the sixty foot drop.

I nodded, cast a flight spell and went down to him. Lenntu didn’t seem terribly injured, more embarrassed than anything. “That was not my finest moment,” he said.

“Don’t worry about it,” I told him, then cast a spell upon him to allow him to climb like a spider. He quickly made his way up the sheer cliff and I flew up after him.

The next ghost was less comical and more annoying. Its compulsion left Aurora and Paulie convinced that they were starving to death. Paulie was convinced that the only way to survive was consume humanoid flesh and tried to attack me. Aurora felt the same, but managed to resist the urge to try to eat one of us.

Lenn stepped in and did something smart. While Geo and Lenntu restrained Paulie, Lenn pulled some sausage from his bag. “THESE ARE ORC SAUSAGES!” he said, shoving one into Paulie’s chomping mouth. Then another and another. He gave a handful of the sausages to Aurora, who ate greedily.

Once the two were under control, I pulled Geo aside. “‘Orc’ sausages?” I whispered.

“He learned the recipe from an orc. I do not believe they contain the flesh of any orcs, or other humanoids for that matter. Yes, if I recall correctly, I believe there might be dog meat in those, but nothing humanoid.”

I nodded. “We’ll wait until we’re done with this place before we tell either of them that, okay?”

“These hauntings seem to follow a pattern.”

“I’d noticed that. It’s almost as if there was a wendigo involved.”

“A what?” He had clearly never heard the word. I hoped that was a good sign.

“An old Algonquin legend from back home. They possess people and turn them into cannibals. I’ve seen references to a similar creature here in my studies. They supposedly don’t like fire or cold iron. Keep that in mind if we manage to come across one.”

“Noted.”

We continued on, easily making it past the cabin’s attempt to attack us directly – because of course it did – and into another room, where we found a pile of bones. I spotted a glint in the pile, and went in for a closer look. That was a mistake.

“That ring looks familiar,” I heard myself say. And it did. It looked like my wedding ring. A feeling of dread filled me. I didn’t actually believe that it was me. It was clearly a ghostly premonition meant to drive me mad. But the ghosts didn’t need me to believe it. A swarm of them descended on me and began ripping and tearing at my flesh.

I screamed in pain, but then it stopped. Aurora was there beside me, full halo, golden radiance bathing the room. “YOU WILL NOT HARM HIM!” she decreed. The ghosts reeled back in fear at her words and the consecrated light emanating from her. But they did not flee.

“I cannot see whatever was attacking you,” Geo said. “Do you have a way to harm it?”

“They’re afraid of Aurora’s light,” I said. “I might have something. Prepare for a flash.” I cast my spell, sending a burst of radiant light through the room. The ghosts reeled in pain and fled.

“You okay?” Aurora asked, putting her hand on my shoulder.

“I am, thanks. How did you know that would work?”

“I didn’t, but since I couldn’t see what was attacking you, it was the first thing that came to mind.”

Once we were sure that we had thoroughly searched the cabin for more surprises, we picked a room to wait out the night and the blizzard in. Paulie consecrated it to offer us some protection against ghosts and Lenn set up a good fire in the fireplace to ward away the chill.

Meanwhile, I sat down with a journal of some kind I had found. It belonged to Silas Vekker and told me much about their ill-fated expedition and even the day they discovered the path to Xin-Shalast. But the pages detailing the path were missing, because OF COURSE THEY WERE.

Annoyed, I curled up to nap. Lenn and Geo would stand watch first, then Aurora and I would take over after our two hours of necessary sleep were over.

Of course, we weren’t allowed those two hours. Less than half an hour after laying down, the cabin and its ghostly occupants went nuts.

We were prepared for a major fight, having even separated from my armor so Juiz could use it to launch force bolts at the ghosts while I attacked, but the fight didn’t come. After about a minute or so, the noises stopped and the ghost from earlier appeared.

“I have quieted the others. But tell me, you truly are alive?” Several of us nodded. “I see! You seek the City of Greed? You should give up, lest you become like me. But I suspect that you cannot be swayed, so perhaps we can make a deal?”

“What kind of deal?” Geo asked. His curiosity was blatant.

“My brother died on a ledge perhaps a mile north of here. Bring me his bones so that we may reconcile and finally go to our rest. In exchange I will give you the missing pages from my ledger, which will tell you the way.”

We exchanged a glance. “That seems fair enough,” Geo said. “The storm has broken and the moon shines brightly, so we will go shortly.”

“Do not tarry overlong. I can quiet the others for a short while yet, but they will get beyond my control soon.”

We stepped outside and I set up a special device roughly a hundred feet from the cabin, in hopes that the ghosts couldn’t mess with it. “Juiz, run a systems check and connect with it.”

“Systems all nominal. Connection established.”

“Good. Warn me if you lose the connection.”

“Acknowledged.”

It took about an hour, but we finally found the dwarf’s corpse. Its feet were burned off and the rest of it was frozen solid. I cursed. “What’s wrong?” Aurora asked, the only one close enough to hear me.

“I can’t deny the nature of the real enemy out here any longer.” I’d read Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark as a kid. There was a story about a wendigo in them that itself was an adaptation of Algernon Blackwood’s ‘The Wendigo’. In it, the monster makes you run faster and faster until your very feet burn off. And everything fit. Brother versus brother. Greed leading to cannibalism. And now the burnt feet. All signs of a wendigo.

I scanned all around us, looking to spot the monster. I was so focused that I missed the arrival of the frost worm. Yes. You read that right. I missed the arrival of the thirty five foot long, four ton giant worm. And then, to top it off, while I was looking at that, the dwarf’s ghost rose from its corpse to attack us.

I guess I’m never gonna get that ‘Eagle-Eye’ nickname I wanted when I was six. Unless its said ironically. Maybe ‘Mole-Eye’, which is not to be confused with mole, which is a sauce that’s delicious on chicken.

Anyway, the fight was brutal, but fairly quick. I erected a wall of force between those fighting the worm and those fighting the ghost. Paulie used a spell to make the ghost more corporeal and then went full firebug to counter the worm. Lenn and Juiz focused the worm with Paulie while Aurora tanked the ghost and Geo struck at it from invisibility and Lenntu fired his shotgun. Once my wall was up, I tried to give Lenn, Juiz and Paulie protection against the worm’s cold attacks, but Lenn resisted.

So I readied myself to protect him another way. Just as the worm fell – it didn’t take long thanks to Paulie’s flames, Lenn’s massive blows and Juiz laying into it with the spells in the wand crystal – I cast another wall, this time between Lenn and the foe.

My timing wasn’t perfect. The worm’s death throes caused it to explode, blasting its icy blood and shards of ice in every direction. The wall I had put up earlier blocked the blast from hitting Aurora, Lenntu and Geo, but the new one I was making to protect Lenn was only halfway up when the worm more or less exploded. So it helped, certainly, but he still got hit.

Of course, the pain didn’t bother him. He rushed over and helped the others finish the ghost. The fight was over just in time for Paulie to switch to healing mode and reach him. He and Juiz had been protected from the icy blood by my magic, but had taken some minor damage from the icy shrapnel. I repair the damage to the powered armor while Paulie healed Lenn. Aurora drank a healing potion and was back in top shape almost immediately.

Which was good, because it was at that moment that we heard a blood curdling howl and the sky darkened with clouds once more. Then the blizzard started up again with a fury. “Juiz! Activate the beacon!”

“Acknowledged.” From the direction of the cabin came a pulsing light.

“Grab the corpse and let’s get moving,” I commanded the AI. “Come on. Everyone make for the strobe at your fastest safe speed!” I didn’t have to make the suggestion twice. The howl had unnerved everyone. Even Lenn seemed spooked.

As we moved, I tossed exploding flash grenades into the air behind us as we moved. I think I connected once, as the explosion was followed by a howl of rage. I also think it caused the wendigo to be more cautious, as we managed to get to the cabin before it caught us.

We barred the door, and it wasn’t even me who made that decision. That was shocking. I looked around and finally saw everyone’s faces. Their eyes were filled with terror. Every one of them. I’d never seen that before.

I mean, I know that they’ve felt fear before. Every one of them has fought for their lives. But this wasn’t normal fear. This was the kind of fear I had felt several times recently – indeed, I was feeling that level of fear right then – but none of the others had seemed nearly as freaked out as I was at any other time.

It had to be a magically induced fear to be gripping them that powerfully. And they had no idea how to deal with it.

“Lenn, set that corpse in the room where we last saw the ghost, then return here. Geo, go with him.” I said, hoping that simple, clear directions would give them something to focus on. Once they returned, I had figured out what I wanted to say. “Listen, everyone. The fear you feel isn’t natural. But it is powerful. You have to work through it. Focus on the goals before us. We just need to last until the brothers reconcile and we get the notes. Then I can teleport us away from here.”

“I DON’T LIKE THIS FEELING,” Lenn said. The others nodded their agreement.

“You get used to it,” I said, not really feeling it. “The first time is the hardest.”

At that moment, the ghosts of the two brothers appeared just on the other side of the doorway. They appeared to be locked in some kind of silent confrontation. At first, it looked like Silas had the upper hand, but then we heard a howl outside. As the wave of fear washed over us, it also hit the ghosts. Suddenly, Silas was losing. Crap.

And, as if things weren’t bad enough, the wendigo began clawing at one of the walls. The boards creaked and strained at the blows. The others were visibly shaken. Not that I can judge. I may have peed a little at the first loud blow.

I had to take the situation in hand. They were soldiers, mostly. Give them orders and they could follow. I hoped. “The wall will break in less than a minute. Lenn, stand to the left side of where it’s striking. Geo, stand on the right. The rest of us will set up a firing line and I’ll put up a wall of flame we can fire through to buff our attacks. Juiz, Lenntu, switch to cold iron rounds. Aurora, use the red magazine.” The red magazine was filled with some of my specialty ammunition. In this case, inciendiary rounds. I doubted we’d need tungsten, polonium or fragmenting rounds for this particular fight.

“Got it,” Aurora replied. The others similarly acknowledged my orders.

“Paulie, do you have any spells that will help with the magical fear?” He, the lone non-soldier of the group, didn’t seem to be paying attention. I had to do something to snap him out of it, but the current soul wasn’t able to react. But there was one soul that likely wouldn’t let fear affect him. “Paulie, conquering your fear is a chance for glory.”

“A CHANCE FOR GLORY?!” the tiefling shouted. He grinned at me. “Yes! Glory!” he tilted his head indicating Geo and Aurora, then tapped his forehead.

No. Not his forehead. His headband. He wanted me to boost everyone’s charisma – which also affected their force of presence, which itself was important for a number of functions, like the spell casting of a sorcerer or oracle, or many functions of a… Then I understood.

“Heh. Glory!” I responded. “And splendor!” I focused on my ring, hardly believing I was using it for such a weak spell, even if it was the right spell at the right time. Unleashing the magic, I boosted everyone’s charisma.

The wall seemed near bursting. I hit Lenn with a spell that would slightly bolster his resolve against fear, hoping his rage would do the rest. Then I joined the firing line. “Wait, what is Paulie casting?” Kira asked me.

“He’s using divine power to bestow the grace of champions upon Geo and Aurora,” I replied silently. I mentally contacted the AI using my telepathic interface. “Juiz, prep some music. Beethoven, if you would. Start it when the wall fails.”

The wall exploded inward in a shower of dust and splinters. Standing there was a massive, footless creature whose head was a deer’s skull. Music began to play and I unleashed my spell, causing a shimmering wall of nearly transparent flames to appear.

The wendigo howled, the supernatural sound washing over us. I gave everything I had, managing not to run. The others similarly resisted the terror. Hope began to shine in within me, burning away the fear unnatural fear, though my normal, everyday fear still clung to me.

“For your crimes against those who dwelt here, I declare your life forfeit!” Geo shouted, not a single trace of fear in his voice.

“In the name of the divine and by the blood of my celestial ancestors, I shall mete justice upon thee!” Aurora declared, her wings and halo flaring dramatically.

“ARAAGGHH!” Lenn roared, producing flaming wings and a halo as well.

“GLORY!” Paulie shouted, unleashing a spell. He began to glow with a golden light and all of us in range felt the blessings of the magic upon us.

“So, you see how it is,” I said to the monster. “So go on, make your noise! Try to kill us if you will, but you will not make us afraid anymore. Come at us! Try to kill us. We’ll show you how a human dies. On his feet and fighting, unwilling to give a single inch.” I pulled my lips back in a grin. “Fire at will!”

The thunderous sound of gunshots filled my heart with such joy that I couldn’t help but sing along with the orchestral music Juiz was playing over a speaker.

Joy, thou beauteous godly lightning,
Daughter of Elysium,
Fire drunken we are ent’ring
Heavenly, thy holy home!
Thy enchantments bind together,
What did custom stern divide,
Every man becomes a brother,
Where thy gentle wings abide.

Fall before him, all ye millions?
Know’st thou the Creator, world?
Seek above the stars unfurl’d,
Yonder dwells He in Heaven.

Yeah, maybe I took a few small liberties with words to make them fit the music, skipped a couple passages, but it’s not like anyone else there knew that. I won’t tell them if you don’t.

The wendigo was obviously not prepared for what we had unleashed upon it. Aurora and Geo were the most effective, each and every one of their attacks bursting with holy radiance, but everyone contributed. And at the end, it knew it had to flee. It used one of its magical abilities to turn to mist. That time, I actually had the spell I needed ready. I cast my spell immediately, dispelling its transformation and causing it to fall to the ground.

Now I’m not sure what exactly killed it. Was it Geo yanking its frozen heart out? Was it Lenn splitting it at the waist? Was it the flames from Aurora and Paulie’s precise shots? Or was it that its head exploded when Juiz put a cold iron slug through its skull with the rail gun?

I don’t know. I’m not entirely sure which of those exactly happened first. It was happening so very quickly. But regardless of what killed it, it was dead.

We took a few minutes to patch up our wounds. Paulie cast spells of consecration to help Silas win the confrontation so he and his brother could go to their rest.

A few minutes after that, it was over. Karivek slumped and sighed, then faded away. “Thank you,” Silas Vekker said. “In truth, I would be doing the world a favor if I took the secrets of the City of Greed to my grave, but a promise is a promise. I wish you luck. You will need it.” He too faded, five sheets of paper appearing where he once stood.

The skies began to clear and we could see the crimson of dawn in the sky as the sun crested the mountain. I skimmed the pages. “This has what we need to continue, but we haven’t rested and replenished spells yet. Should we rest here or –“

I couldn’t finish the sentence as each of my other companions – aside from Juiz – interrupted me in unison with something along the lines of “Let’s press on and find somewhere to camp away from here.” We couldn’t help but laugh with relief.

“Fair enough. Paulie, will you do the honors?”

The tiefling grinned. “ONWARD! TO GLORY!” He pointed the way out of the cabin.

“GLORY!” we all answered, before laughing ourselves silly. We were so relieved to be leaving, we even forgot to see if there was anything worth looting on the dwarf’s corpse.

Work cooperated with me better than I had hoped and I had plenty of time to sit down and work. :D


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Going to the Big City

Spoiler:
Our mirth was short lived. We walked outside and Lenntu grabbed the special pouch where he carried figurines I had turned our mounts into – well, not Starbrite, who was being carried as an image on Aurora’s armor. I could hear rattling as he pulled it off of his belt. And then I heard another sound at the tree line.

The strange winged figure was there, watching Lenntu’s pouch intently. I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Lenntu didn’t even need to open the pouch before I knew. “Sorry, Rainbow Dash,” I said. Silas Vekker’s waiting vigil for his brother had shown vast loyalty. I don’t know if I had shown anything that particularly represented that trait, but I wasn’t sure if it was just me needing to show a property. Perhaps I just had to witness it.

Rainbow Dash had been shattered into dust by Lenntu’s fall. Not even magic would return the figure to whole. The fifth pony was dead. It was not in a moment of heroism or epic daring-do. She was crushed during a fall while she slept. That saddened me more than it should have.

We buried the pieces next to a boulder and I carved the image of Rainbow Dash’s cutie-mark into the boulder, along with words that came to mind unbidden as I cast the spell.

I'll clear the skies forever
So we won't be apart
I'll keep the weather warm for you
And the winter will never start

And then the craziest thing happened. A beam of light passed through a cloud above split, casting a rainbow upon the carving, which itself began to shine with some kind of light. In the skies above, the few clouds in the heavens seemed to pass around an area directly above the grave, as if they were avoiding casting a shadow upon it.

Paulie touched the carving curiously and iridescent light washed over us. What small wounds that remained healed and everyone felt as if they had eaten a hearty meal. All worries and fears had been washed away.

“That was amazing, Kyle!” Aurora said to me.

“I didn’t do that,” I replied, studying the inscription with my magic sight. Based on the auras, I suspected that it would heal everyone who approached once daily, take away their hunger and melt away negative emotions. And snow, wind or cold would never again touch this small area, just large enough for a few people to shelter in should the need ever arise.

I turned to where the figure had stood in the woods, but it was gone.

After putting my powered armor back into the portable hole, we had Paulie cast a spell upon us to turn us into vapor, allowing us to fly through the air at roughly sixty miles an hour. Yes, it was the same spell the wendigo was using. Yes, that creeped me out a bit. But it was too convenient and no one was around to dispel us. The only downside is that it was Paulie’s ‘hippie’ personality that had the spell.

We followed the river Avah to its source, which I smelled long before I could see it. There were scents of fungus and ash on the air as we finally spotted the icy swamp. I don’t know what it was, but something about the whole thing gave me a nostalgic feeling.

We landed on the shore of the icy lake. “We need to rest,” Aurora said to me once we had retaken solid form.

I nodded. “This is probably as good a place as any. We’ll need to determine if anything dangerous lurks in the swamp and then I’ll conjure up another temporary magical dwelling where we can rest in comfort.”

We scouted about using flight magic – and wings, in Aurora’s case – and saw nothing. Nonetheless, we had a feeling that something, or perhaps someone, was watching us, though there was no feeling of malice. I decided to try calling out to whatever it was in an indirect manner.

I pulled out my violin and started playing ‘Drunken Sailor’. It seemed like it would be lighthearted enough to convey a message that we weren’t threatening whoever was watching.

When I was finished, a voice began singing another song. I looked at the lake to see the naked form of an elven woman walking out of the icy lake, her skin a pale purple and her hair black as a raven. The nymph, a fey creature likely attuned to this swamp, sang along with me as she approached slowly, showing no signs of aggression.

My mouth was hanging open and I must have been staring, because Aurora elbowed me in the ribs. “I know that song,” I clarified.

“That isn’t that surprising,” she said. “Surely songs get around.”

“Ones from Earth that I’ve never played here? And in a language from Earth?” I asked. Shock showed on her face.

Feeling nostalgic, I began playing a tune my grandfather taught me many years ago. I never learned much about it, but he said it was very old. He had also told me that there was a verse we didn’t know, but if I ever encountered someone who knew it, I would have found an old friend of the family. He had even joked that the person who would know it would likely be a fairy in disguise. Well, he was wrong about the disguise part.

And he had insisted that I learn the lyrics – all in Gaelic. I’m not even sure if he knew what they meant, but he made me memorize them.

In truth, I was never good at playing the tune back on Earth. It was too complicated for my skills back then. But I knew it and I was far better at playing than I had ever been back then. So I played my violin along with the nymph’s singing. As the melancholy notes filled the air, I waited until the first verse was over and began singing words I still didn’t understand. Once my part ended, she began another verse.

We continued the song for several minutes as the others watched. When it was over, the nymph gave me an inquiring look. “How do you know this song?”

“My grandfather taught it to me. It has been in our family for generations,” I said. “Now how about you? Where did you learn it? And especially where did you learn that language?”

“My mother taught me the song. She said it was sung by her grandmother to a friend. The language comes from the place my grandmother lived, long ago, before that mythical land was cut off from the first world.”

The first world was a mythical place where the Fair Folk were said to have originated from before a diaspora out into other worlds. It was said to exist in a parallel plane not unlike the one we lived on. It would not have been impossible for the fey to have traveled from Earth to Golarion through there. I hadn’t considered it, but it might have offered me a way back home, though her words suggested that was impossible.

“What do the words mean?” Aurora asked me.

I shrugged. “I never learned.”

“His words tell the story of a dryad who fell in love with a human and sacrificed everything to be with him. Mine are the words of a nymph friend of the dryad who tries to talk her friend out of leaving and then laments her loss as she dies of old age, having given up her long lifespan to be more human.”

If the dryad had gone off to marry a human, that suggested some possibilities as to the reason the song was carried through the generations of my family. “Did the dryad have any children?”

“I do not know,” the nymph replied. Realization hit her face. “But it is possible. May I smell your hair?”

Aurora gave me a dubious look. I shrugged. “I don’t see why not. Go ahead.”

The nymph approached and smelled my head. “OH! It is faint, but I do smell the scent of a tree upon you.” She cast a minor illusion and a tree appeared before us. “One of these, I believe.”

“An aspen,” I said. “Populus Tremula, also known as the trembling poplar. Native to Ireland… often found near good sources of water. Yes, that being the tree you associate with me suggests perhaps the dryad had children after all.” There had been a couple dozen generations since then, and who knows how far that one pair’s offspring had branched out. It was likely she had thousands of living descendants.

Nonetheless, learning that your ancestor may have been a dryad was pretty cool. And meeting the great-grandaughter of her old friend was also pretty cool. It also explained why I could smell certain flowery scents on others that no one else could detect. It was likely some kind of lingering effect of the fey blood in my family line.

Several moments of silence hung in the air as none of us could think of what to say next. Then Lenn roared, “I LIKE HOOKERS!”

I was terrified of what the nymph’s reaction would be, but she just laughed. “My cousin told me that you people were fun.”

“Your cousin?” Aurora asked.

“Myriana of the Shimmerglens,” the nymph replied. “I am known as Svevenka of the Fen of the Icemists.” We introduced ourselves in return. “For your efforts freeing Myriana from her undeath, I would have offered you a safe place to rest and any information you asked for. But you went beyond that and returned her to life. If there is anything I can do for you, please, do not hesitate to ask.”

“A place to rest and information should be enough,” Geo said. “We’re trying to reach Xin-Shalast to prevent the return of the Runelord, Karzoug.”

The nymph’s eyes lit up. “Really?”

“Yes,” Lenntu said.

“Oh my!” she said, rushing over to him. “There are two of you! Myriana said nothing about that! And so handsome!” The big guy looked uncomfortable at the attention from the voluptuous naked woman.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Lenn downing another skin of water. That was the third since we’d stopped. Then I noticed Paulie casting a spell to create more water, directly into the empty skins. He took a long drink. There was something important about this.

“Ah, crap,” I said as realization set in.

“What is it?” Aurora asked.

“That’s going to cost us a couple days,” I responded.

“What?”

“Everyone else is showing early signs of being affected by the higher altitude. I should have made preparations against the dangers of going into the mountains, but I didn’t think about it.”

“I’m not noticing any issues,” she said.

“Early signs include increased thirst due to higher sweat evaporation in lower air pressure,” I told her. “You’re wearing a ring that magically supplies all your water and food needs.” Well, most of the time, anyway. “Which means you won’t start to see the effects until we’re higher up and non-thirst issues show up.”

“Uh oh. What do we do?”

“In a perfect world? I craft five magic items like the necklace I’m wearing. Since most of you are already wearing magical pendants, that means we spend six days waiting for me to do so, even with my magical workshop spell. I don’t think we can afford six days.”

“So, how about in an imperfect world?”

“The spellbooks we took from the Runeforge contained a spell that mimics the effect, but I have to divide the duration amongst the recipients. I can do thirty two hours per casting thanks to an item I have that boosts my casting power, for six hours each person. Which means I eat up four of my daily spells of that power to keep you all going. I only have five of those and many of them are useful.”

“Also not optimal.”

“Agreed. Which is why I’m thinking that if I instead craft one necklace for Paulie, who isn’t wearing any magical pendants right now, I reduce it to four people, meaning I only have to cast it three times a day. And if I also enchant one of the pearls on my rosary to allow it to recharge one of my daily spells of that power, that leaves me three other spells of that level free per day.”

“How long will that take?”

“If I craft before bed, sleep, wake up and craft again? We can get going sometime late tomorrow afternoon.”

“Can we afford that?”

“I believe so.” I turned my attention to the others. “We’re going to need to take a rest. I’ll conjure another extradimensional magical dwelling where we can do so safely and I can get my work done with no interruption.” A thought occurred. “Svevenka, you’re welcome to join us inside if you want, especially for meals. But it will be warm enough to be comfortable for us. Will that be a problem for you?”

“I’m adaptable,” she said. “And if I become too warm, I can always come back outside.”

“Then I’ll get to it.” After a minute of preparation, I conjured up the mansion, once more giving it a futuristic feel. After we’d made our way inside, I let the others head in to get something to eat while I went to a special room I had prepared near the front door. There was something I had to do before I could do anything else.

It took about ten minutes to do all the preparatory work and cast the spell. In fact, it was one of the more complex and difficult spells one could cast. There were also potentially dire consequences if one did it incorrectly. But that wouldn’t be a big deal today. I didn’t need power in the being I was summoning and binding. I just needed mobility and would only need enough power to hold the creature long enough to talk to him a moment.

Within the magic circle appeared a six foot tall man with the head of a wolf – a Hound Archon, one of Heaven’s frontline soldiers. “WHY HAVE I BEEN SUMMONED?” he demanded, hand on the hilt of his greatsword.

“I do apologize. Have you ever heard of the Runelords of ancient Thassilon?”

It eyed me suspiciously. “I have.”

“One of them is trying to return. My companions and I are on a quest to stop him. To this end, I am coordinating action with my brother who should currently be in Absalom, though it is possible he may be in Magnimar. New information has come to my attention that he must be made aware of. I have summoned you to deliver a message to him and return with his reply, which should take no more than a few hours to complete. If this is a task you are unwilling to do, I will return you immediately and seek another to do this. If you remain, I am willing to compensate you or give you a sum of three hundred gold pieces to deliver to a charitable organization while you’re completing your task.”

The celestial relaxed. “Your task is reasonable, as is your compensation. I accept.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Please give me a moment to pen the missive and we’ll get you on your way. We’re in an extraplanar space, so you’ll need to walk out the front door before teleporting. I’ve attuned you to it, so you will be able to reenter when you return.” Then I wrote the letter.

Chadwick,

I’ve discovered a problem. We’re going high enough into the mountains that breathing will be difficult. Your first strike team especially will require protection. If you can, secure necklaces like the one I wear for everyone. If not, the spellbooks we secured from the Runeforge contain a spell that will suffice as a substitute, though you will need to cast it multiple times to cover everyone.

I will activate the beacon once we’ve found a good place to do so, but make sure you’re prepared to come in ready to fight. We do not know what kind of enemies we’ll find once there, though I hope to find somewhere safe before activation.

We met a nymph – cousin to Myriana from the Shimmerglens – who may have knowledge about what we might encounter in Xin-Shalast. We will be staying next to her swamp until tomorrow after noon while I make preparations for our ascent.

The bearer of this message has agreed to return with a reply from you, should you have anything to add.

- Kyle

I showed the celestial how to reach the front door and attuned him to the mansion so he could re-enter when he returned. Then I made my way to the dining room. Amusement was waiting for me.

Everyone was deeply contemplating Jello.

“WHY DOES IT JIGGLE?!” Lenn roared at me, accusatorily.

I spent almost half an hour explaining gelatin to everyone, complete with pulling out a chalk board and explaining the chemistry and physics of it. With calculus, because I hoped that their eyes would glaze over and they’d stop worrying about it.

Shows how much I know. Lenn and Geo were enraptured by my lecture. I was fairly certain that I would be seeing Lenn making some kind of gelatinized sausage concoction in the future. But I was more than a little worried about what Geo was planning to do with the knowledge.

Once the Jello lecture was over, we asked Svevenka to tell us about the dangers we might face as we headed up the mountain. She told us that she had encountered a band of giants controlled by what sounded like a rune giant – just what I always wanted to hear – as well as yetis and even lamias.

She told us that the mountain was a place where the barrier between Golarion and the realm of Leng was thin, which is why we would need to find a way to follow the ghost river revealed by moonlight to those who hungered. I asked her if it was hidden and revealed by moonlight or if the moonlight created the river. She wasn’t sure, so I figured I’d go test it after nightfall.

She also told us what she knew about the city. She had made contact with a group of what she called ‘Skulks’, who were apparently the descendants of the city’s original citizens. The group she knew called themselves ‘The Spared’, and they were at war with a group of vampiric skulks who served a dangerous creature called ‘The Hidden Beast’, who Svevenka had tangled with before.

Her description made me nervous. If her memory was correct, then what she fought was a decapus, a ten-tentacled monster with a taste for the flesh of humanoids. But they weren’t known to be blood drinkers, which meant it had likely been infected with vampirism at some point, making it even more dangerous. Further still, it was a spellcaster of some kind, likely a sorcerer based on her descriptions of the spells it was casting. With all of that combined, it meant we had our work cut out for us if we needed to destroy it to ensure our own safety.

Of course, knowing what we faced meant we could plan to be just as much as a handful for them. I knew just the spell to use, and had a few backup plans on the off chance it failed. Who knows? Maybe it could even be fun.

A few hours later, the celestial returned. Chadwick had given it a moderately powerful magic item it could use in its fight against the forces of evil in exchange for one final delivery. It was to wait with us and return with any note I sent back, specifically requesting anything we had learned about what we might face in Xin-Shalast.

There was a lot to be said about using a binding spell not to compel something to do my bidding, but simply as the opening of negotiations. I doubt we’d have gotten as much help out of the archon if I hadn’t been generous. I gave him a room to rest in and told him he was welcome use any of the facilities while he was staying with us.

After everyone was done eating, I stepped outside and cast a couple quick spells. Sure enough, I could see the ghostly river in the sky using a powerful spell that allowed me to pierce illusions with my vision. Which meant we would have no trouble making our way into Xin-Shalast the next day, assuming we didn’t run into any monsters.

As an aside, it didn’t look like a river to me. It looked more like the seam between realms.

I went back inside and headed back to find Aurora so I could tell her I’d be working for several hours before bed. The building’s sensors, which Juiz was using to keep tabs on the entire complex, told me she was still in the dining hall.

As I approached the room, I heard the voices of Aurora and Svevenka talking. They were discussing Aurora’s pregnancy. My wife was asking for advice and the nymph was giving her support. Since she didn’t seem ready to tell me yet, I turned around and walked away.

Once I reached the workshop, I asked Juiz to let Aurora know that I would be working, but to not tell her I’d tried to go tell her in person. She would tell me when she was ready. And I needed to focus.

Not much to tell about the crafting. It was simple, mostly mindless work at this point. Honestly, unless I’m interweaving high technology with eldritch magic, it’s too simple. I needed a crafting challenge. Like making a starship. Maybe later.

I went to bed and had another memory dream.

The city was ablaze. The first meteor strike had struck the castle. The second would strike the monastery. Then dozens more would strike randomly throughout the city. I smiled at the thought, and at the terrified faces of those fleeing before me.

Camelot would fall, forgotten in the mists of history. That was the price of their treachery, the price they would pay for the death of my mother. The price they would pay for genocide.

My brother and I led the last remaining hundred or so elves. In the old times, our people had spanned across the lands the future would know as the UK and Ireland. Now, we were all but extinct. We couldn’t take the entirety of humanity with us, nor would we, but those who harmed us would know our retribution.

Once again, Camelot would fall, destroyed under the weight of their own weapon. Merlin Storm Crow had used his magic to destroy our city, so I had snuck into his tower and used his own artifact against him. Then I dismantled it and had my agents carry it out of the city with orders to bury it in dozens of random locations. We couldn’t destroy it, but we could hide it.

My only regret was that I hadn’t slain the Old Crow myself. His child grew within my belly, which made his betrayal hurt all the more. But he was still out there, and I would find him.

Even now, my brother fought against Arthur at Camlenn, backed by our remaining forces and several powerful bands of hired mercenaries. His rage would not allow Arthur to leave the field alive. And now his keep would burn and his people would be scattered to the corners of the earth.

I would have simply killed them all, if I had the option. But this would suffice. If I could only put my unborn child’s father’s head on a spike on the wall of my keep, my anger would be sated.

I awoke with a start. I could still feel the anger my past self. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to find the man who had done that, the man who I somehow knew had been behind one of the most complete genocides in Earth’s history, and I wanted to forcibly pull his lungs directly out of his chest and feed them to him.

Aurora wasn’t in bed next to me, so I got up to look for her. I found her within our private bathroom, luxuriating in the feel of the jets. She had added one of the potpourri bath balls that had come with the mansion to the water, filling the room with the scent of water lilies.

My wife smiled at me as I took in the sight of her. “Want to join me?” The marble tub was certainly big enough. I was pretty sure at least six people could fit comfortably within.

I smiled back. “I think I can spare some time for this.”

I stripped and joined her in the wonderfully warm water. “When we get to your world, can we get a tub like this?” she asked as she pulled me close to her.

“Absolutely, though I’m thinking we also get a waterfall on the wall because it’ll look cool. And maybe one way glass walls and ceilings so we can sit in the tub and look at the stars and the beautiful natural views around wherever we build our home.”

“You don’t want to live in a city?”

I shrugged. “I’m sure we’ll be able to afford both. Maybe a penthouse apartment in a big city and our proper estate on a large property in the mountains.”

We relaxed for maybe an hour, saying little and just enjoying sitting together, before I finally decided it was time to get back to work. “Feeling better?” she asked me as she helped me dry my back.

“Much.”

“Good. You looked upset when you first came in.”

“Sorry for worrying you,” I said. “Just a bad dream.”

“As long as it wasn’t some sort of secret prophecy or whatever,” she said in a teasing tone. “You can never tell what you wizards will do next.”

“You’d find me boring if I were predictable.”

She slapped my butt. “Maybe a little. But there’s nothing wrong with a little boredom now and again.”

“True enough. Our lives have been VERY interesting lately.” I gave her a kiss, dressed quickly and headed out the door to go to my workshop.

Along the way, I spotted Svevenka. She was coming out of one of the bedrooms – I’m not certain, but I think it was Lenntu’s room, though it could have been Lenn’s – and she had several love bites and a rather large handprint on her bare ass.

<I’m telling Aurora you were looking.>
<You were looking just as much.>
<Touche.>

Without a hint of embarrassment – let’s face it, when has a nymph EVER been embarrassed? – she strode over to me. “Hi! Is your wife awake? I haven’t had anyone to talk about girly stuff with in ages. Aside from the unicorn, I mean.”

“Unicorn?”

“Yeah, she stops by once in a while. Just casts a spell, grows wings and flies right up to come say hello.”

“A flying unicorn?”

“Yeah, and she has the prettiest purple mane. It’s a little darker than my skin, but very pretty. And so silky! But she’s not very good at talking about girly things.”

“A flying purple unicorn,” I said flatly.

“Yes! What, do you not believe me? No one ever believes me.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I looked at the floor. “Yeah, I believe you. Because of course the last one would actually be a literal purple unicorn that can fly.”

<Like friendship, Prophecy is Magic, after all.>
<Hush you.>

“The last what?”

“It’s a long story,” I said.

“Nevermind then,” the nymph said. “So, is Aurora free?”

“Let me check.” I tapped my radio button and Juiz used it to tap into the house’s intercoms and rang the one in our room. Yes, my magic house has intercoms. When you create an extradimensional magic house, you decide it how you want. Mine has intercoms.

“Yes?” Aurora’s voice asked over the radio.

“I ran into Svevenka in the hallway, and she was wondering if you were free to hang out.”

“I was just about to run down to the kitchen for a snack. She can meet me there if she wants.”

“You girls have fun,” I told my lovely wife and closed the channel.

“Thanks,” the nymph said, having heard everything. “Which way to the kitchen?”

Lights along the base of the wall came on, turning a green color. “Please follow the green pathway markers to reach the kitchen,” Juiz intoned over a nearby speaker.

“Your house talks?!”

“Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that,” I began.

“Boring! I’m going to the kitchen now. Thanks for the directions, house!”

I rolled my eyes as she left. I silently activated my telepathic interface. “Juiz, please keep an eye on them. Give them their privacy as reasonable, but alert me immediately if she does anything that might seem threatening or suspicious.” It’s not that I suspected the nymph of ill will, but I wasn’t taking any chances.

“Acknowledged,” Juiz replied through my earbud.

Crafting was pretty normal. That is to say, it was pretty boring. So we’ll ignore that. Suffice it to say I got everything done in the time frame I figured I would need.

Then we had one last sit down meal and prepared to leave. I gave the celestial another note to deliver, filling in Chadwick about everything we might encounter and everything else we’d learned thus far.

Before he could cast the spell that would let us fly quickly through the night along the path of the illusory river, Paulie spotted something. “Don’t look now, but your weird winged watcher is back, brah.”

I closed my eyes and listened. As I suspected, I heard the sound of wings upon the wind. “Unicorn’s here,” I said, causing the others to exchange worried glances. Because apparently they’re not used to me saying random things that make sense to no one.

Svevenka clapped giddily at my words. “She’s here! Best night ever!”

I laughed. I don’t know if the universe was giving me hints at what to do or I was simply weird and picking up on things that weren’t there. But I knew what I had to do. Kira knew what I was going to do as well, so she called me a dork and joined in, using the telepathic interface to sing along on a speaker.

<Note: Me alone without brackets, Kira in () and both in [].>

Up the Mountain, (In the city) stop the Runelord (stop the Runelord)
Is where we’re going to be (Make his minions flee)
I’ll beat him with my magic
And use what I've learned and seen. (You all will see)
It is going to be so awesome
As we bring down the Runelord of Greed!

[Onto the mountain we must go
We're ready now, we're all a glow
Onto the mountain, let's begin
And have the best night ever
Onto the mountain, now's the time
We're ready and we look divine]

And we’ll have the best night ever!

I must admit, I was impressed that she managed to sing along completely with the changes to the chorus. Granted, I didn’t change the lyrics much, so it’s not like it was difficult, but still, I was impressed.

Everyone else just gave us the look they give me when I do something weird. Le sigh. Everyone’s a critic. But it worked, so ha.

Of course, by “it worked”, I mean it made the unicorn come over to greet us. In fact, she approached me directly. She sniffed at me, trying to assess me.

Svevenka was confused. “Wait. I thought you unicorns only liked humans if they were women and virgins. And after discussion with his wife, I’m pretty sure he’s neither.” Aurora looked mortified. The unicorn responded, though I didn’t understand her. “What do you mean she’s a woman? She’s a he. I mean, he’s a man. What? No, I haven’t looked for myself. I’ve talked to someone who has.” This continued on way past the point of awkwardness.

Kira was dying laughing.

“Tell her you’re not a woman,” Svevenka commanded me.

“Well, honestly, that’s complicated,” I admitted.

“What.”

“I have the broken memories of over a dozen past lives as various women. I got hit by a curse and was stuck as a woman for a month or so. Also? My not exactly dead twin sister’s soul resides in my brain.”

“What.” I just shrugged. “Okay, so how about the fact that he’s clearly not a virgin? What do you mean that’s never been a thing with unicorns? Of course it is.”

“Actually,” I butted in, “that’s not necessarily accurate. In fact, if we consider the theories of the scholar Antoria Vallerix, virginity was never the issue. In fact, she theorized that it was that unicorns tend to lose their devotion to people who become too focused on others. Since mothers tend to become focused on their children, that may have led to the misconception.”

“How the hell do you know that?” Kira asked, incredulous.

“I wiki-walked the library at the Arcanamirium.”

“You would.”

“Okay, fine. Do whatever you want,” Svevenka said to the unicorn. “She says she’s going with you.”

“That’s not a good idea,” I said, my voice serious. “You’ll almost definitely die.”

The unicorn and Svevenka had a several minutes long back and forth, the nymph speaking in a language I didn’t know. Finally, Svevenka threw her arms up. “She doesn’t care. She said you’re going to need her help, though she can’t explain how.”

I looked at the others for signs of objection. No one seemed worried about it. “Alright then. Welcome to the team, Twilight Sparkle.”

The nymph and the unicorn exchanged a glance. “How did you know her name?” Svevenka asked.

What. “Lucky guess?”

“No,” Kira said over a speaker. “I’m not willing to accept that being her name. We are not living in some kind of strange universe where MLP is somehow real.”

“…Said the woman whose soul is trapped in her brother’s brain,” I replied.

“FINE,” Kira replied, pouting.

“Well,” Svevenka added, “it’s not a literal translation, but it’s the closest you’ll get in this language.”

Aurora cleared her throat. “We should probably get going.”

I nodded and cast my spell to see the “river” in the sky. “Mister Paulie, if you would.”

“Yeah, brah. It’s time to fly!” And then we were wind, soaring through the sky towards Xin’Shalast and our destiny.


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Damn, but this is an entertaining read. When everything is over, I'm expanding all the spoilers and save every page as a PDF.


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Poldaran wrote:

Ecstasy of Gold

** spoiler omitted **...

Nicely done in conveying the fearsomeness of a wendigo, Poldaran. Given the name of this chapter and being the movie-phile the protagonist is, this music seems fitting. ;)

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