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So you designed a Round 2 Archetypes but didn't make top 32, post it here...


RPG Superstar™ General Discussion

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Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

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This thread is for those that wrote an Archetype but didn't make the top 32 but still want to share, post away I say voting is over for round 2 and we won't see monster round for a bit. This is as good a time as any for such diversions.

If anyone wants to critique or comment feel free, it'll give ya something to do while waiting for the top 16. Speaking of the top 32, I feel its only fair I leave my own work for scrutiny so have at it if you wish.

Wrote this one up before the curve was thrown. Figured I had plenty of word count to re-touch this based on theme and the time between announcement and submissions due was when I was going to work the fluff.

Like so many others I would have tied this in with the River Freedoms. The fluff would have mentioned that this archetype of wizard has difficulty conforming to specialist school structure and believes more firmly in having what you hold...

The Thrice Bound (Wizard)
Most wizards focus on the mysteries of their respective specialized schools. The thrice bound explore more deeply the potential of the arcane bond. A thrice bound has the following class features.
Familiar Item (Ex): At 1st level, a thrice bound gains the service of a familiar that is also a bonded object. The familiar can take the form of either the wizard’s bonded object or his chosen familiar. If the familiar dies the object must make a fortitude item save or be destroyed, if the item is destroyed while in item form the familiar automatically dies. The bonded item can make this shift number of times per day equal to 3 + your Intelligence modifier. The bonus spell conferred by the item is only available when the item is in its object form, the familiar bonus only applies when the item is in familiar form. The item has the intelligence of the familiar in either form.
At 5th level the bonus spell and familiar bonuses apply in either form and any enchantment bonus placed on the item applies to the familiar.
This replaces your 2nd arcane school power obtained at 1st level Arcane School power and the bonus feat gained at 5th level.
Improved Familiar Item(Ex): Upon reaching 8th level, the thrice bound gains the service of a Improved Familiar that is also a bonded object. The two Item familiars cannot be both familiars or both bonded objects at the same time, the thrice bound always has both a familiar and bonded item at this level. In either form The Thrice Bound gains the Uncanny Alertness feat as long as both Item familiars are within 30 feet. When in Item form the Improved Familiar Item allows the wizard to cast one spell with the benefit of any meta magic feat the wizard knows with the level adjustment cost reduced at ½ the wizards level.
This replaces the Wizard’s third school power and the wizard’s 10th level bonus feat.
Companion Bound (Ex): At 15th level, Thrice Bound can designate 1 companion with the following benefits of the familiar bond: share spell, empathetic link, deliver touch spells, and the wizard can always locate that companion if they share the same plane.
This replaces the 15th level bonus feat.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka motteditor

Hmmm. I like the idea of playing with the arcane bond. I don't think that's really been tapped before. That said, the idea of something switching back and forth is very strange. I think maybe if the item somehow HOUSED the familiar, I might buy it, but I think there's a little cognitive dissonance as presented.


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Here's what I put together - I changed it up after the River Kingdoms twist was announced. This is the version that hits under 450 words.

Waystrider (Magus)

A waystrider magus believes that battles are won through mobility, and focuses his studies on teleportation magic. He appears suddenly next to a vulnerable opponent with a vicious strike and leaps away before his foes can organize a counterattack.

The largest concentration of waystriders is in the elven nation of Hymbria, where they have an academy devoted to studying the elfgates and teleportation magic. When the Hymbrian army marches to retake Sevenarches, those waystriders will be in the vanguard of the force to reclaim the legacy and secrets of their ancestors.

Far Step (Sp): At 4th level, the waystrider learns to teleport short distances. As a standard action, he may spend 1 point from his arcane pool to teleport to a square he can see within close range (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels), as if using dimension door. He cannot take other creatures with him (except for familiars), and he cannot far step while wearing heavy armor or carrying a heavy load. He cannot take other actions until his next turn after using this ability. Far step is a 2nd level spell-like ability. This replaces spell recall.

Bonus Feat (Ex): At 5th level, and every six levels thereafter, the waystrider may select a bonus feat. These bonus feats must be selected from the following list: any combat feat, any metamagic feat, Dimensional Agility and any feat with Dimensional Agility as a prerequisite. The far step power counts as dimension door for the purposes of feats and abilities. This modifies the magus's bonus feat ability.

Following Step (Su): At 11th level, the waystrider has learned to merge his magic with other teleportation effects nearby, allowing him to follow that effect to its destination. As an immediate action when he successfully uses Spellcraft to identify a teleportation spell or effect originating within 30', the waystrider may spend 2 points from his arcane pool to accompany it. The effect's caster may make a Will save (DC 10 + 1/2 the waystrider's level + his Intelligence modifier) to resist. If the save fails, the waystrider is teleported to the same destination, appearing in an open square adjacent to the target location. This replaces improved spell recall.

Escaping Step (Su): At 13th level, the waystrider may teleport away from a potentially lethal attack as an immediate action. When he would be reduced to 0 or fewer hit points by a melee attack, he may spend 3 arcane pool points to teleport to an adjacent square. If this takes him out of the reach of the attack, he takes no damage, but is staggered for one round. This ability replaces heavy armor.

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

Hmmm. I like the idea of playing with the arcane bond. I don't think that's really been tapped before. That said, the idea of something switching back and forth is very strange. I think maybe if the item somehow HOUSED the familiar, I might buy it, but I think there's a little cognitive dissonance as presented.

This is somewhat raw, 3 drafts or so. Needs at least 3-4 more for development. Core idea is that I always think the bonded object is for suckers. A familiar basically can grant you 2 feats and serves as scout and if you're clever a great way to say move actions. For example I have a wizard with a raven familiar that lands on the barbarian when he needs a buff, it can also talk, fly , adds basically a skill focus sized bonus to my appraise, and of course alertness.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka motteditor

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Here's mine. I'd probably have done another pass at the lead-in text (or two or three or four), though I think the point gets across. Obviously I was very inspired by Wes Schneider's section on Mount Branthlend (and I think as is, the lead-in text probably still cribs too much from that).

This would've been a big swing, but I think it's what I'd have submitted (I might post my second choice later, but I was having trouble wrestling it into submission before the Top 32 were announced). It definitely breaks some of Sean's rules, but I think it's interesting. I'd love feedback, as I've never done an archetype before.

Branthlend Witch (Witch) [443 words]
Inspired by the tale of Noarra, Riverfolk seeking redress after being spurned travel to the blasted peak of Mount Branthlend to make oaths of revenge. There, dark beings of ancient power offer a pact that grants them the ability to wreak the vengeance they seek.

Hampered Casting: A Branthlend witch's abilities come at the cost of her spellcasting. She cannot cast any spells until she reaches 5th level and her effective caster level to determine what spells she may cast and any effects of her spells is equal to her witch level -4.

Retributive Hex (Su): At first level, a Branthlend witch who is hit by an enemy with a melee, ranged or natural weapon or a spell that requires an attack roll may as an immediate action hex her attacker. The witch must be aware of the attacker, who must be within range of her hex. A Branthlend witch may use this ability a number of times per day equal to 3 + her Intelligence modifier.

Vengeance Incarnate (Su): At 1st level, a Branthlend witch can transform herself into a savage avatar of vengeance. While transformed, she gets a +1 morale bonus on attack and damage rolls and a +2 natural armor bonus for every three caster levels she has. She also gains a vengeance pool equal to a summoner of the same level's evolution pool, which she can use to buy evolutions for herself as if she were an eidolon. A Branthlend witch can reallocate her vengeance pool by getting 8 hours of sleep and spending 1 hour communing with her familiar; preparing spells requires a separate hour of communing.

A Branthlend witch can transform for a number of rounds per day equal to 4 + her Intelligence modifier. At each level after 1st, she can transform for 2 additional rounds. Transforming, which is considered a transmutation (polymorph) effect, takes a standard action and can be ended as a free action.

Dying Wrath (Su): At 8th level, a Branthlend witch who is reduced to below 0 hp by an attack or a targeted spell may as an immediate action curse her attacker as the spell bestow curse. She must be aware of the attacker, as with retributive hex. This ability replaces the witch's 8th-level hex.

Patron: A Branthlend witch's patron is usually Deception, Death, Insanity, Plague, Trickery, Vengeance.

Hexes: The following witch hexes complement the Branthlend witch archetype: evil eye, misfortune, slumber, unnerve beasts, ward.

Major Hexes: The following major hexes complement the Branthlend witch archetype: agony, ice tomb, nightmares, retribution.

Grand Hexes: The following grand hex complements the scorned witch archetype: death curse, dire prophecy, eternal slumber.

Shadow Lodge Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

I would play that witch.


Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

Here's mine. I'd probably have done another pass at the lead-in text (or two or three or four), though I think the point gets across. Obviously I was very inspired by Wes Schneider's section on Mount Branthlend (and I think as is, the lead-in text probably still cribs too much from that).

This would've been a big swing, but I think it's what I'd have submitted (I might post my second choice later, but I was having trouble wrestling it into submission before the Top 32 were announced). It definitely breaks some of Sean's rules, but I think it's interesting. I'd love feedback, as I've never done an archetype before.

Branthlend Witch (Witch) [443 words]
Inspired by the tale of Noarra, Riverfolk seeking redress after being spurned travel to the blasted peak of Mount Branthlend to make oaths of revenge. There, dark beings of ancient power offer a pact that grants them the ability to wreak the vengeance they seek.

Hampered Casting: A Branthlend witch's abilities come at the cost of her spellcasting. She cannot cast any spells until she reaches 5th level and her effective caster level to determine what spells she may cast and any effects of her spells is equal to her witch level -4.

Retributive Hex (Su): At first level, a Branthlend witch who is hit by an enemy with a melee, ranged or natural weapon or a spell that requires an attack roll may as an immediate action hex her attacker. The witch must be aware of the attacker, who must be within range of her hex. A Branthlend witch may use this ability a number of times per day equal to 3 + her Intelligence modifier.

Vengeance Incarnate (Su): At 1st level, a Branthlend witch can transform herself into a savage avatar of vengeance. While transformed, she gets a +1 morale bonus on attack and damage rolls and a +2 natural armor bonus for every three caster levels she has. She also gains a vengeance pool equal to a summoner of the same level's evolution pool, which she can use to buy evolutions for herself as if she were an...

Oooh, that's neat! It's strange, but definitely very cool. Less spells, but retributive hexes are really nasty and the eidolon-ish shapeshifting could be a really cool mechanic.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka motteditor

Thanks, Orthos. Me too! I really want my RL group to start playing again, so I can use it (or find a lenient PBP GM, though that'd probably be asking a ton).

I do worry it's overpowered a touch, since you COULD fly at Level 1. Of course, the eidolon can already do that and in this case you don't get an extra set of actions and HP like you do with the eidolon.

If it were up to me, I'd also give you access to a couple modified feats: Extra Evolution (to add 1 point to your vengeance pool) and Extra Rage (to add rounds). Of course, then I feel like you almost have to play as a human and get those two feats at first level.

Oh, I also spent a lot of time trying to figure out duration. I originally had 10 minutes per level, but that seemed like way too much. I also experimented with "declaring vengeance" and giving it through combat -- a la the inquisitor's mechanics -- but I thought people could want it outside combat.

Oh, and finally, I think my favorite part is at 20th level, you could do a credible job of turning yourself into a dragon, a la Noarra herself.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014 aka RainyDayNinja

@SteelDraco: Ooh, I really like that Following Step ability!

Dedicated Voter 2013

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I didn't come up with a worthy wondrous item this year, but the archetype itch took some work to scratch.

First up, an expansion upon SKR's internal alchemist as presented in UM. This borders on an alternate base class and almost certainly exceeds the word count - I have no idea. However, the concept I like to think strikes closer to the source material that the internal alchemist is drawn upon as a Taoist Enlightened Immortal aspirant.

Neidan Alchemist (Alternate Alchemist Class/ expanded internal alchemist archetype)

Neidan Alchemists seek to attain personal enlightenment and eventual immortality through the balancing of their internal alchemy. By balancing the flow and presence of positive and negative energies with the four or five alchemical elements of their training, neidan alchemists learn how to produce wondrous magical effects by way of their internalized alchemy.

Alignment: Any good, lawful neutral or neutral.

CLASS SKILLS
A neidan alchemist loses Appraise and Disable Device as class skills while gaining Acrobatics and Knowledge (religion) as class skills.

CLASS FEATURES

Internal Alchemy (su): Unlike alchemists, neidan alchemists do not learn how to create traditional alchemist bombs nor do they learn how to create mutagens. Neidan alchemists’ extracts are mixed internally in a spontaneous manner, similar to how bards, oracles and sorcerers cast spells. In the same manner as spontaneous casters neidan alchemists master a small number of formulae. As with alchemists, neidan alchemists’ formulae cannot include a focus component.

A neidan alchemist’s formulae known follow the same progression as the Inquisitor’s spells known chart, removing the 0–level spells known column. The neidan alchemist’s extracts per day remains unchanged from the normal alchemist’s extracts per day.

This modifies alchemy.

Breath Weapon (su): Neidan alchemists learn how to exhale their internalized alchemy in the same manner as if he were using alchemists’ bombs modified with the breath weapon bomb discovery (Ultimate Combat 24). A neidan alchemist can learn additional energy types for his breath weapon as an alchemical discovery or feat from among acid, cold or electricity – one energy type per discovery or feat. The decision as to which energy type his breath weapon is composed of is chosen at the moment of exhalation. This replaces bomb, mutagen and poison use.

Versatile Breath Weapon (su): At 14th level a neidan alchemist can shape the area of effect of his breath weapon into his choice of either a 15 foot cone or a 30 foot line. This replaces persistent mutagen.

Enlarge Breath Weapon (su): At 18th level a neidan alchemist’s breath weapon increases in the size of its area of effect. The neidan alchemist’s breath weapon may be exhaled as the neidan alchemist’s choice of a 15 foot cone, a 30 foot cone, a 30 foot line or a 60 foot line. This replaces instant alchemy.

Eschew Materials: Neidan alchemists’ internalized alchemical formulae result in gaining Eschew Materials as a bonus feat. This replaces Throw Anything.

Neidan alchemists receive the bonus feats, disease resistance and uncanny dodge class features of the internal alchemist archetype (Ultimate Magic 18). Neidan alchemists may take the breath control class feature of the internal alchemist archetype as an alchemical discovery or feat as well as the hardy class feature of the survivalist rogue archetype (Ultimate Combat 73) as an alchemical discovery or feat.

Discovery (su): A neidan alchemist cannot learn any alchemical discoveries that modify bombs (other than fast bombs), that grant or modify mutagens, nor can a neidan alchemist learn the infusion discovery or any alchemical discoveries that modify the infusion discovery. Neidan alchemists that learn alchemical discoveries that are external in function (such as the alchemical doppelganger or bottled ooze discoveries) may only use such discoveries in a personal fashion, rendering many such discoveries of little value or potentially fatal to use. The fast bombs discovery applies to his breath weapon.

The practical list of alchemical discoveries for a neidan alchemist is as follows: combine extracts, concentrate poison, dilution, elixir of life, enhance potion, eternal potion, extend potion, fast bombs, healing touch, lingering spirit, mummification, nauseating flesh, poison conversion, preserve organs, spontaneous healing, sticky poison, wings.

Enlightened Immortality: Neidan alchemists become immortal upon attaining 20th level, combining the benefits of the eternal youth alchemist grand discovery with the many lives class feature of the reincarnated druid archetype (Ultimate Magic 39). An enlightened immortal neidan alchemist will reincarnate if slain by a death attack, will reincarnate again if slain within 7 days of reincarnation and does not suffer any permanent negative levels for being reincarnated. They reincarnate in the same fashion when their current body dies of old age to be reincarnated with a new mortal lifespan. No portion of the enlightened immortal neidan alchemist’s body need exist when the character reincarnates. This replaces grand discovery.

Ex–Neidan Alchemists: A neidan alchemist that becomes chaotic neutral or evil cannot gain new levels as a nedian alchemist but retains all neidan alchemist abilities. An enlightened immortal neidan alchemist who becomes chaotic neutral or evil loses the benefit of enlightened immortality until he atones for the transgressions that disrupted his internal balance.

FAVORED CLASS OPTION: A neidan alchemist of any race may learn an additional known formula instead of the standard favored class options. The first six times this option is selected adds additional 1st level known formulae. The next three times adds additional 2nd level known formulae (levels 7–9). The next three times adds additional 3rd level known formulae (levels 10–12). The next three times adds additional 4th level known formulae (levels 13–15). The next three times adds additional 5th level known formulae (levels 16–18). At levels 19 and 20 selecting this favored class option adds one known formula of 1st – 5th level of the neidan alchemist’s choice.

=====================================================================

The other concept sprang readily to mind for all of us that have had some fun with Candlemere in Kingmaker.

Candlemere Cultist (Cleric)
Cultists of the Old Ones and Outer Gods have been operating out of the recently reclaimed isle of Candlemere in the Stolen Lands of the River Kingdoms for some time. Beneath the domesticity of the quaint town that has grown upon its shores fanatical worshippers of the Great Old Ones and Outer Gods expand their blasphemous influence throughout the River Kingdoms. To the masses of blind sheep ignorantly bleating along in their miserable lives in the River Kingdoms a Candlemere Cultist is one of them: a shopkeeper, a fisherman, a healer, an herbalist or some other mundane profession. To those initiated in the dark secrets of the Old Cults, Candlemere Cultists know the truths of the universe.
Class Skills: Candlemere Cultists gain Bluff, Disguise and Stealth as class skills.
Skill Ranks per Level: 5 + Int modifier.
Weapon and Armor Proficiency: A Candlemere Cultist is not proficient with medium armor and shields.
Channel Energy (Su): Candlemere Cultists do not gain the channel energy class feature.
Domains: A Candlemere Cultist gains the bonus spells of the Trickery domain.
Domain Spellcasting: A Candlemere Cultist gains two domain spell slots for each level of cleric spells that she can cast, from 1st on up. Each day a Candlemere Cultist can prepare two of the spells from her three domains in these slots.
Spontaneous Casting: A Candlemere Cultist can “lose” any prepared spell that is not an orison or domain spell in order to cast any spell with “cure” or “inflict” in its name.
Bonus Languages: A Candlemere Cultist’s language options includes Aklo in addition to the bonus languages available to the Cultist because of her race and class.

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

It has been SO hard to wait for this thread. I was very, very excited about the archetype round. Here's mine:

===================================================

Spirit-vexed Wanderer (Barbarian)
Something unnatural and malignant has leapt from a blighted place into a living vessel, vying for control of both mind and body. The afflicted hosts often become outcasts, driven to a barbaric life as they learn to tolerate, and even use, the intruder in their soul.

Class Skills: A spirit-vexed wanderer does not gain Handle Animal (Cha) or Ride (Dex) as class skills; instead, she gains Sense Motive (Wis) as a class skill.

Sudden Urges: A spirit-vexed wanderer is prone to display odd tics and utter blunt or incongruous remarks that make others uneasy. When making any Diplomacy check, the barbarian must also succeed a DC 10 Will save to suppress these discordant behaviors. On a failure, the barbarian takes a -4 penalty on the Diplomacy check result. Sudden urges do not otherwise hinder any actions the barbarian performs.

Smell Fear (Ex): At 1st level, a spirit-vexed wanderer can sense the presence of living creatures within 60 feet that are suffering from the shaken, frightened, panicked or cowering conditions, or whose surface thoughts could be revealed as fearful by a detect thoughts spell.

With a move action, the barbarian can detect the creature's direction, or pinpoint its location if it is within 5 feet.

A creature whose surface thoughts are fearful can make a Bluff check to prevent detection, opposed by the barbarian's Sense Motive check.

This ability replaces fast movement.

Spirit-wracked Rage (Ex): A spirit-vexed wanderer's rage functions as normal, except that when she ends her rage she is not fatigued. Instead, she is shaken for a number of rounds equal to the number of rounds spent in the rage.

These rounds will extend the duration of an existing fear condition, but will not stack to create a stronger fear condition. The barbarian cannot enter a new rage while shaken.

Raised Hackles (Ex): At 3rd level, a spirit-vexed wanderer gains a +1 bonus to Perception or Wisdom checks made to notice haunts and invisible creatures, and a +1 bonus to Sense Motive checks made to sense enchantment. This bonus increases by +1 for every three levels after 3rd.

This ability replaces trap sense.

Horrific Contortion (Ex): At 7th level, a spirit-vexed wanderer can spend an immediate action to gain a +2 dodge bonus to AC against a single attack. This bonus increases by +1 for every three levels beyond 7th.

This ability replaces damage reduction.

Tremble No More (Ex): Starting at 17th level, a spirit-vexed wanderer no longer becomes shaken at the end of her rage.

This ability replaces tireless rage.

Rage Powers: The following rage powers complement the spirit-vexed wanderer archetype: animal fury, eater of magic, intimidating glare, superstition, terrifying howl

===================================================

NOTES
I really enjoyed turning the idea of what a barbarian is on its side. This barbarian is part River Tam, part Exorcist-style victim of demon possession, and part core barbarian. Too bad "demon" means a specific thing in D&D -- I struggled to find a general yet evocative term, and finally had to settle on "spirit" even though I feel the source of the barbarian's affliction should be a bit deeper and more mysterious. Hence the vague "something unnatural" in the opening line.

I considered tying this archetype to Heibarr, to give it a weak link to the RK. But Heibarr seems to have a specific kind of problem that might not lend itself to the sort of "victim of possession" origin that this archetype depends on.

Star Voter 2013

My idea wasn't heavily developed, but here goes:

The Jack (bard)
In a land as turbulent as the River Kingdoms, an entire court can be replaced overnight. Fearing an endless inquisition like their neighbors in Galt, Jacks learn the art of mimicry so as to complement their lords and their courts - that they might survive even the most bloody of revolutions.

The idea I had was to replace most of the bardic music abilities with the ability to temporarily beef up a bard's abilities based on their travelling companions.

Mimetic Repetition (Su) While preparing spells, a Jack traveling with a spontaneous spellcaster can prepare one spell from that caster's spell list instead of one spell from his own. This expends a number of uses of bardic music equal to twice the level of the spell prepared, and cannot be of a higher level than the bard can normally cast. This ability replaces countersong, fascinate and distraction.

Inspired Courage (Ex) While preparing spells, a Jack travelling with someone who has full BAB can choose to gain a +1 bonus on attack rolls for 24 hours. At 5th level, and every six bard levels thereafter, this bonus increases by +1, to a maximum of +4 at 17th level. This expends four uses of bardic music. This ability replaces inspire courage.

Inspired Competence (Ex) While preparing spells, A Jack travelling with someone who has a trained class skill can gain a +2 competence bonus to that skill for 24 hours. This bonus increases by +1 for every four levels the bard has attained beyond 3rd (+3 at 7th, +4 at 11th, +5 at 15th, and +6 at 19th) This expends two uses of bardic music. This ability replaces Inspire Competence.

Marathon Voter 2013

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game Subscriber

This is the critique thread too, right? Right? Well, no one said "no", so...

While praise is nice, criticism is useful. None of this is meant personally, but is only meant to help strengthen your designing skills in the future.

SteelDraco wrote:

Here's what I put together - I changed it up after the River Kingdoms twist was announced. This is the version that hits under 450 words.

Waystrider (Magus)

Far Step: Dimension door needs to be italicized, and you don't really need to say that he can't take other actions until his next turn or that it's a 2nd level spell-like ability. Those are both handled by saying it work as dimension door and the (Sp) designator, respectively.

Bonus Feats: Kind of boring, and I think a waste of word count. The dimensional agility feat line works well for this, so I would've said "In addition to the other bonus feats available, they may choose Dimensional Agility and any feat that has that as a prerequisite." Saying it works with Far Step is smart, although I would've loved to see Sean's comments on whether this was necessary. It's related to one of the questions I've been hoping to get an answer to :) Bonus Feats don't have (Ex) at the end.

Following Step: There's already a feat with this name. I would recommend not using that name, as it'll just cause some confusion. I'm unsure about the powerlevel of this ability, but the 2 points it cost might make it decent.

Escaping Step: Cool idea, possibly inspired by that goblin feat. I think you could've successfully lowered the point cost and the level and followed the lead of the Gunslinger's Dodge deed. I'm not sure if it's a fair trade for heavy armor.

Far Step wouldn't work with Spell Combat, but I'm not sure if you actually intended it to be used in that fashion. If you did, you'd have to wait for Dimensional Dervish for that.

Overall powerwise, I think it's a bit weaker than the base Magus due in part to the loss of staying power and versatility that giving up Spell Recall and its improved version entails. I think the Spell Dancer elven magus archetype does this a bit better.

Dedicated Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:
I do worry it's overpowered a touch, since you COULD fly at Level 1. Of course, the eidolon can already do that and in this case you don't get an extra set of actions and HP like you do with the eidolon.

How can an eidolon fly at L1?

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

The Thrice Bound (Wizard): Like Jacob M said, I like the playing around with arcane bonds but the morphing back and forth from familiar to item feels odd. However, a bit of fluff would help it go down better for me: the familiar wears a collar or band with an emblem of the item, and the item's design incorporates a miniature representation of the familiar.

The Improved Familiar Item ability was hard to understand. I think you're saying that any time your original arcane bond familiar/object changes form, the Improved one changes form at the same time, and vice versa.

The effect on metamagic feats was also obscure to me. Does "one spell" mean the wizard must select a single spell when gaining this ability? And reducing the level adjustment cost of the metamagic feat by half the wizard's level basically means that the metamagic feat is free: when you get this ability at 8th level, you're already reducing the level adjustment by 4, which brings almost every metamagic feat to zero (except Persistent Spell). Can this ability reduce the level adjustment of multiple metamagic feats applied to the spell? If so, at level 20, will it be okay if the wizard casts Quickened Empowered Maximized Intensified fireballs with no level adjustment?

Anyway, a neat core concept that needs more clarity and maybe a bit of balancing.

Waystrider (Magus): I like the concept. When I read the "cannot take other actions" clause borrowed from dimension door, I had to think about that for a long while. It seems to go against the intro fluff, which suggests that the waystrider can pop in and make an attack. The way I read this, the waystrider's turn is over as soon as she uses Far Step, and she then has to wait until her next turn to attack. I realize this is based on the spell, but I still don't like taking actions away wholesale. It would be neat if you could make post-Far Step actions more difficult, rather than impossible.

I really dig the Following Step ability, and Escaping Step seems right too. Far Step is the only part of this archetype that doesn't feel like it quite works the right way.

Branthlend Witch (Witch): I love this idea. No idea how balanced it is, but it "feels" like a fair tradeoff, delaying spellcasting to gain the avatar power. Dying Wrath really fits the flavor of the archetype. This witch looks like a lot of fun to play.

Neidan Alchemist (Alchemist): Cool way to overlay spontaneous caster rules onto the alchemist. The breath weapon ability goes perfectly with the "internal alchemist' concept. Some of the abilities appear to violate SKR's advice about not taking away options, but I'm okay with it in this case.

Candlemere Cultist (Cleric): I'm not very familiar with Candlemere, but this archetype seems very useful for GMs statting up bad guy cultists in general. I like it. Simple but "right".

The Jack (Bard): I like the idea, but I can't really get behind the execution. The requirements are general enough that the Jack could usually get at least Inspired Courage and Inspired Competence. Mimetic Repetition (great name) would be harder to come by. The skill bonus just duplicates a skill someone else in the party has, so unless it's something like Perception, you get needlessly overlapping skill sets in the party. Same goes for mimicing a spontaneous spell -- sometimes this will be pointless redundancy. I really, really like the concept at the core of this archetype, but I think the mechanics need to be scrapped and done differently.

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

Ok wow there's some really cool archetypes here:

SteelDraco: Really dig the whole teleportation angle, feel like it could use something aside from teleport based on the concept of teleport though. Maybe a heavily modified displacement based on a ghosted image of a rapid teleport, or a ghost touch power based on the idea of modulating yourself between planes. Its cool as is but could use a little more flash.

Jacob W: Like the idea of a witch delaying some of her spell casting power for some of the synthasist power plus her hexes. I guess I'm wonder why I wouldn't just multiclass if I wanted that route though. Be aware the evolutions taken by this witch need restrictions as otherwise yes I'll take a level of this and a bunch of +8 to skills thanks.

Turin: The alchemist is pretty good but I'm not in love with it. I frakin adore the Candlemere cultist and want more, more, more! Not into internal alchemy maybe its because I'm less than clear on how it works. I love candlemere as you know...

Ariax: A barbarian, finally! Ok sudden urges needs a new name it sounds a little too adolesant. OVerall pretty neat barb, not sure if you carried the concept all the way to its conclusion I'd like to see more sirit related powers as is this barb could very well just be crazy!

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka motteditor

Aaron Miller 335 wrote:

How can an eidolon fly at L1?

Flight's a 2-point evolution and you get 3 points to start. Unless there's something limiting you from taking higher-point evolutions at low levels that I'm reading over?

And Cheapy, I'd love a critique. I plan to go through and try to critique others, though might not be for a little while (I still need to finish the items; maybe I'll try to do that today and then get to these later tonight).

Marathon Voter 2013

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Ariax wrote:

Spirit-vexed Wanderer (Barbarian)

Sudden Urges isn't really a drawback, as it's very easily overcome by just not making Diplomacy checks.

Smell Fear is interesting. Personally, I think "smell" is not a good enough reason for it to be (Ex) and not (Su). I feel that the bluff check is a bit wonky since that's usually an actively used ability, not something passive. But it sort of makes sense, so I'll give it a pass. I don't think it's as useful as fast movement.

Spirit-Wracked Rage: Well alright! This is a cool ability, and I think fairly smartly done. You are trading a really bad condition (fatigue) for one that can be much more easily ignored (shaken), but at the same time shaken is a lot easier to inflict. So that's clever. Not sure if it works out fully, but it was a smart idea. Of course, getting immunity to shaken is also much easier than immunity to fatigue. There are also a ton of abilities that activate off of shaken, which I guess is another balance concern.

Raised Hackles: I don't think these are very useful (especially given the +20/+40 you're facing from invisibility), but they do make sense, and tying the spirit theme to haunts was smart. Of course, I don't think trap sense is all that useful either, so I think this is a nice trade.

Horrific Contortion: Is there a drawback here? +2 through +6 AC is very nice. It's essentially you getting a Shield against the first (and most likely to-hit) attack of whoever you are facing. I think this would need some re-work, but it's an interesting idea to think about.

I'm not sure if the omission of Spirit Totem is on purpose from the recommended powers or what. I am leaning towards it being on purpose as this archetype has the fluff of being against your will, but the fluff of Spirit Totem is that it's something you choose.

Agreed on there not really being a RK tie in, but flavor is to an extent malleable.

Star Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014

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Mine wasn't River Kingdoms specific, but I'm sure it could function there. I was going with more of a Mana Waste or Nex theme. I'm not sure if I was within the word count parameters either. I built the class with the blunderbuss in mind, but I'm sure with DM discretion different abilities may work with siege weapons such as bombards.

Gunner (Alchemist)

The Gunner is an alchemist that specializes in artillery. The gunner combines range with the devastating art of alchemy. These skills make them particularly devastating during tactical combat. Whereas most alchemist’s have an affinity towards bombs and poisons, the gunner works with munitions and firearms in the pursuit of making them even more potent.

Class Skills: The Gunner gains Knowledge Engineering, but loses Knowledge Nature.

Weapon and Armor Proficiency: At 1st level, a Gunner becomes proficient in the use of firearms.

This ability replaces Throw Anything feat.

Gunsmithing (Ex):

At 1st level, gunsmithing replaces brew potion.

Alchemical Munitions (Ex):

A gunner can use an alchemical item as ammunition in his blunderbuss. Treat this ammunition as a bullet for the purposes of range. Once the item strikes its target, the ammunition is treated as if it were thrown. In addition, the gunner gets to add his Intelligence modifier to the damage being dealt with all firearms. He then gets to add an additional +1 to damage where there would have normally been an addition to the bomb dice pool. All discoveries and extracts that would normally affect a bomb can now affect the ammunition of the blunderbuss (within the limitations of the normal bomb allotment). Example: The Gunner has the discovery Acid Bomb, all damage dealt with the Blunderbuss using standard ammunition deals acid damage and creatures that take a direct hit from an acid shot take an additional 1d6 points of acid damage 1 round later. This is limited by the standard bombs per day formula. So a 2nd level Gunner with an intelligence modifier of +3 can use acid shot (bomb) 5/day.

This ability replaces the Alchemist bomb ability.

Rapid Reload (Ex):

At 2nd level, the gunner is faster at reloading his firearms.

This ability replaces poison use.

Capsule Munitions (Ex):

At 2nd level, through experimenting with various resins the gunner has developed a way to encapsulate elemental damage within a resin bullet. These bullets can be crafted by the normal alchemical or gunsmithing means. The cost of each bullet is 40 gp. He can make these bullets acid, cold, fire, or electric based, and they deal standard gunner firearm damage of that elemental type. These bullets increase the misfire chance by 2.

This ability replaces poison resistance.

Fill the Barrel (Ex):

At level 6, the gunner has realized that he can use the space within his blunderbuss more efficiently. He can now put two alchemical items within the barrel and deploy them at the same time. The additional damage from the Alchemical Munitions ability is still only added once. Example: The gunner loads an alchemist fire and an acid flask into his blunderbuss. He successfully shoots the enemy dealing 1d6 fire (starting the enemy on fire) and 1D6 acid damage + intelligence mod + 3 (being 6th level) plus appropriate splash damage to its neighbors. Half of the additional damage is fire and the other half is acid.

This ability replaces swift poisoning.

Hurtling Blast (Ex):

At 10th level, a gunners knowledge of gunpowder proportions is so accurate that the effects can be increasingly devastating. When a gunner scores a successful critical hit with his blunderbuss (bullet, capsule, alchemical item), the initial attack roll is then applied vs the creatures CMD. From there treat the creature as being bull rushed. Meaning that the target is pushed back 5 feet plus an additional 5 feet for every 5 points that the gunner exceeds the creatures CMD. Example: The Gunner shoots his Blunderbuss at a Succubus and scores a critical hit. Along with the standard critical bonuses to damage, the attack 20 + 7 BAB (level 10) + 3 Dex Mod = 30 is applied vs the Succubus’s CMD (22). The attack succeeding the targets CMD by 8 knocks her back 10 ft.

This ability replaces poison immunity.

Marathon Voter 2013

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Jacob W. Michaels wrote:
Aaron Miller 335 wrote:

How can an eidolon fly at L1?

Flight's a 2-point evolution and you get 3 points to start. Unless there's something limiting you from taking higher-point evolutions at low levels that I'm reading over?

And Cheapy, I'd love a critique. I plan to go through and try to critique others, though might not be for a little while (I still need to finish the items; maybe I'll try to do that today and then get to these later tonight).

Summoners must be at least 5th level before selecting Flight as an evolution, so that's why the Branthlend Witch couldn't do it at first level. It's the last line in the evolution, so it's a bit easy to miss.

And I do plan on getting to that one. In fact, it's the one that made me want to critique these. It's just going to take a while.

Star Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014

Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

I had a bunch of ideas; this one's probably my favorite. It's quite rough; still needs some work and focus (could really be 2 different archetypes), and I have no idea how well it'd actually fit in the River Kingdoms:

Warlord (Barbarian)
Warlords are part brutal combatant, part inspiring—if fearsome—leader. They are common in places like the River Kingdoms, where opportunities are ripe to conquer poorly defended city states and settlements.

Weapon and Armor Proficiency: The warlord is proficient with four specific martial weapons and with one siege weapon of her choice. This replaces the barbarian’s proficiency in martial weapons.

Class Skills: The warlord gains Knowledge (engineering) and Sense Motive as class skills. She also gains her choice of one of the following at character creation: Knowledge (geography), Knowledge (nobility), or Knowledge (local). She does not gain Acrobatics and Knowledge (nature).

Warlord's March (Ex): The warlord is used to being on the move for war. The weight of tents, bedrolls, blankets, and rations are reduced by one-quarter when determining the warlord’s encumbrance. The GM may allow this to apply to similar camping gear at his or her discretion. If a warlord is a member of the crew of a siege engine, that engine’s speed improves by five feet. This ability replaces fast movement.

Ambush Sense (Ex): Lest she suffer the same fate she delivers to others, the warlord is always alert against treachery. At 3rd level, she gains a +1 bonus to Perception checks to avoid being surprised, and a +1 dodge bonus to AC during the surprise round, whether she is surprised or not. These bonuses increase by +1 every three barbarian levels thereafter (6th, 9th, 12th, 15th, and 18th level). This ability replaces trap sense.

Siege Commander (Ex): At 6th level, warlord gains this feat as bonus feat. This replaces the barbarian’s 6th level rage power.

Inspiring Warrior(Ex): The sight of the warlord in full combat fury firms her allies’ resolve. Starting at 7th level, whenever the warlord is raging, allies within 30 feet of the warlord gain a +2 morale bonus to saving throws versus fear, charm, and compulsion, and the Intimidate DC to demoralize these allies also increases by +2. They also gain a +1 bonus to damage rolls on a successfully completed charge. The morale bonus increases by +2 and the bonus to damage increases by +1 at 10th, 13th, and 16th level. At 19th level, allies within range become immune to compulsion effects. Allies must be able to see the warlord in order for this ability to work. This ability replaces damage reduction.

Rage Powers: The following rage powers compliment the warlord archetype: boasting taunt, fearless rage, intimidating glare, moment of clarity.

Marathon Voter 2013

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game Subscriber

While praise is nice, criticism is useful, and there's a lot of that ahead. This is purely meant to help you think around your design space, and is solely meant to help you grow as a designer. I do realize that this is in an unfinished state.

RonarsCorruption wrote:

My idea wasn't heavily developed, but here goes:

The Jack (bard)

Those aren't exactly 'most' of the of bardic performances (performance, not music!), but are just the lower level abilities. Minor quibble though.

Ok, having finally read the archetype, that's not a minor quibble. It's actually pretty major one. Sorry mate, but bardic 'music' has been bardic 'performance' for the past 3+ years. I'm worried that this means you didn't really research the existing bardic abilities, and the change is not a minor one.

But the abilities! They're quite the swing for the benches. There's a grand total of one other class ability I can think of that relies on who you are adventuring with, so it's certainly a novel and nearly unique idea. And that one other example is is from a really new 3pp company. I think it's a design space that could use some further exploration, so congrats on that. I just don't think "class abilities" is the right place for this. It makes the balance really hard to ascertain.

I assume by bardic music you mean the rounds per day performance bards now get, and not the uses per day that the 3.5 bard got.

So immediately we run into the really weird issue where we have bardic performance rounds per day, but we don't have anything to spend them on except at the st art of the day. I don't think that's a smart decision, and it really hurts the versatility of the bard which is fairly ironic given the name of this archetype.

Mimetic Repetition: Bards don't prepare spells. This would need to temporarily add to their list of spells known, and take the spell they replaced off their spells known.

Inspired Courage: At a certain low level, you'll have enough rounds of BP to let you keep IC up as often as you want. I don't think this is a good trade although I suppose this does free up your performances for other higher level performances that weren't traded out. It's still trading buffing everyone up for giving a lesser but longer bonus to only yourself. I personally do not think that's a wise design choice.

Inspired Competence: I'll just take Inspire Competence. Versatile Performance already makes me the best skill user in the game, so I'll help others out. And oddly enough, you could give this to yourself...based on you being trained in a skill.

It's nice that you could do these multiple times per day, presumably, thereby changing out your spell list for someone else's and getting some nice bonuses to your skills. But if you're just trading your spells for the same ones this other guy has...you're really hurting the party's overall versatility in exchange for being able to hammer encounters with a few spells cast by two people.

At the same time, inspired competence has the very real possibility of stealing someone's schtick from theme, although after thinking this ability through some it's not as bad as I originally thought.

Going back to the mechanic of how the abilities are based on your party, not being able to use your class abilities due to your friends not choosing the "right" stuff sucks. Or, you could just hire a hireling just so you can use your class abilities and that's really weird. I think this mechanic would do far better as a spell, and would be very interested in seeing what you can come up with if you choose to investigate that design sub-space.

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

1 person marked this as a favorite.

RonnarsCorruption:Concept is fun execution is missing soemthing for me...

WrathofTalos: Guns and alchemy seem like a natural fit so good idea there. The blunderbus seems the perfect choice for alchemist loads, in general I'm liking this allot, which is weird b/c I hate mixing guns w/ D&D!

DeathQuaker: Its a barbarian marshall! I might steal this as a villian for my kingmaker game as the leader is a marshall and this would be an excellent foil. I'd like some kind of bonus to profession soldiering as that is the mass combat skill of use.

Star Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014

Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
GM_Solspiral wrote:


DeathQuaker: Its a barbarian marshall! I might steal this as a villian for my kingmaker game as the leader is a marshall and this would be an excellent foil. I'd like some kind of bonus to profession soldiering as that is the mass combat skill of use.

Cool! Thanks. You could add the Profession skill at least as a class skill, as I think otherwise barbarians don't get it (if tradeoff is desired, maybe Handle Animal). I don't have Kingmaker so I didn't know that was how they managed it (good to know). I don't know where to throw in the bonus, but if you didn't want the character to be good with siege engines, you could drop those aspects and replace there (like a bonus to mass combat uses of the skill instead of the bonus to siege engine speed).

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014 aka Phloid

I did make the top 32, but I'm not going to make the top 16. I grossly misjudged my archetype because it was something I thought was cool. I made several other archetypes that I was considering submitting. I'm sure at least one of them would have been much better received and when the voting is done I will post my favorite here if that is cool. And you can all tell me how I should have definitely submitted it instead. Or you can tell me how they both suck. Either way.

Shadow Lodge Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Congratz still on making it this far, Nickolas. =) Looking forward to seeing what else you have up your sleeve.

Dedicated Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

Cheapy wrote:
Jacob W. Michaels wrote:
Aaron Miller 335 wrote:

How can an eidolon fly at L1?

Flight's a 2-point evolution and you get 3 points to start. Unless there's something limiting you from taking higher-point evolutions at low levels that I'm reading over?

And Cheapy, I'd love a critique. I plan to go through and try to critique others, though might not be for a little while (I still need to finish the items; maybe I'll try to do that today and then get to these later tonight).

Summoners must be at least 5th level before selecting Flight as an evolution, so that's why the Branthlend Witch couldn't do it at first level. It's the last line in the evolution, so it's a bit easy to miss.

Thanks Chwapy.

For this reason you need a statement about using your witch level for your summoner level,

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

Nickolas Floyd wrote:
I will post my favorite here if that is cool.

Of course it's cool, dude your archetype isn't bad BTW in my opinion it has an outside chance of top 16... MAke it or not this thread is open to all!

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka motteditor

Cheapy wrote:

Summoners must be at least 5th level before selecting Flight as an evolution, so that's why the Branthlend Witch couldn't do it at first level. It's the last line in the evolution, so it's a bit easy to miss.

And I do plan on getting to that one. In fact, it's the one that made me want to critique these. It's just going to take a while.

Thanks re: the flight info. That actually makes me feel a lot better about it, since I didn't really want the witch to be able to fly right off the bat.

And thanks for saying it made you want to critique these ... I think? Hope? I shall anxiously await your verdict. (Seriously, any other feedback's much appreciated; as noted, I've never done this before and I was very curious what reaction to this would be.)

(And again, I'll get to everyone else's too; plus probably post my backup. Just finishing up the items now.)

Dedicated Voter 2013

Thanks for the feedback Arial and GM Solspiral. If I have my druthers, PFO will be infested with Candlemere Cultists. ;-)

Dedicated Voter 2013

I was building this with the sole idea of getting a divine caster that would of fit the atheist country of Touvette. I tried my best on this one.

Avid Skeptic (Inquisitor)
There are certain places in the world that religion has been removed altogether. These inquisitors take charge in countering divine enemies or in regional bouts amassed in holy wars. These avid skeptics look to their community and its people for their divine influence.

Weapon and Armor Proficiency: An avid skeptic is trained with all martial weapons. This replaces a deity’s favored weapon.

Secular Authority (Su) : At 1st level, the avid skeptic has the ability to suppress certain divine spells for a number of rounds equal to her inquisitor level (minimum 1). As a swift action, she can create a personal barrier centered on her self that acts as a counter against the bane, bless, and sanctuary spells. This ability does not dispel these spells, but it also does not allow enemies to gain the benefits of these spells against the avid skeptic. These rounds do not have to be consecutive and maintaining the barrier is a free action.

At 5th level, she adds consecrate and desecrate to the list of spells this ability can counter (at 11th level, she adds hallow and unhallow).

At 8th level, she can extend this barrier 10-ft. feet from her to aid her allies (and then 20-ft. at 15th level).

This only functions while the avid skeptic is conscious, not if she is unconscious or dead. Similar spells may be countered with GM permission. An avid skeptic can not have a domain, even from another class. This ability replaces domain.

Divine-less Reprobation (Su) : At 20th level, an avid skeptic can sever the link between a divine caster and their god. Whenever an avid skeptic uses her judgment ability, she can invoke divine-less reprobation on a divine caster as a swift action. Once declared, she can make a single melee (or ranged attack, if the foe is within 30 feet) against the target. If the attack hits, it deals damage normally and the target must make a Will save with the DC equal to 10 + 1/2 the avid skeptic's level + her Wisdom modifier. A failed save mean that the target loses all spells, class features (this includes animal companions and a class granted mount but not for weapon, armor, and shield proficiencies), can not gain levels of their class until they change religions, and can not have atonement cast on them by another member of their faith. An avid skeptic only target divine casters. Once this ability has been used, it cannot be used again for 1d4 rounds. Regardless of whether or not the save is made, the target creature is immune to the divine-less reprobation ability for 24 hours. This ability replaces true judgement.


Cheapy wrote:

This is the critique thread too, right? Right? Well, no one said "no", so...

Thanks for the thoughts! My responses are below...

Quote:
Far Step: Dimension door needs to be italicized, and you don't really need to say that he can't take other actions until his next turn or that it's a 2nd level spell-like ability. Those are both handled by saying it work as dimension door and the (Sp) designator, respectively.

I put the 2nd level thing there because dimension door is normally a 4th level spell, so I thought it made sense to indicate that the concentration DC wasn't as high as it would be for a 4th level SLA.

Quote:
Bonus Feats: Kind of boring, and I think a waste of word count. The dimensional agility feat line works well for this, so I would've said "In addition to the other bonus feats available, they may choose Dimensional Agility and any feat that has that as a prerequisite." Saying it works with Far Step is smart, although I would've loved to see Sean's comments on whether this was necessary. It's related to one of the questions I've been hoping to get an answer to :) Bonus Feats don't have (Ex) at the end.

Note that I dropped the item creation feats from the list, which is why I felt the need to put the full text in there.

Quote:
Following Step: There's already a feat with this name. I would recommend not using that name, as it'll just cause some confusion. I'm unsure about the powerlevel of this ability, but the 2 points it cost might make it decent.

Dang, good catch. I didn't realize there was a feat by this name already - is that part of the Step Up chain?

Quote:
Escaping Step: Cool idea, possibly inspired by that goblin feat. I think you could've successfully lowered the point cost and the level and followed the lead of the Gunslinger's Dodge deed. I'm not sure if it's a fair trade for heavy armor.

It was actually inspired by a rogue talent, Another Day, that lets you do essentially the same thing. In my initial draft it was a random distance and direction within about 30', but that was too wordy for 450.

Quote:
Far Step wouldn't work with Spell Combat, but I'm not sure if you actually intended it to be used in that fashion. If you did, you'd have to wait for Dimensional Dervish for that.

As written, it's not supposed to work with Spell Combat, since Far Step is a SLA and not a spell on the magus class list. My first draft had a power at 7th level that replaced medium armor that gave you the ability to use Far Step and Spell Combat in conjunction, but I was worried about the ability to pop around the battlefield that much, and the lack of viability without medium armor.

Quote:
Overall powerwise, I think it's a bit weaker than the base Magus due in part to the loss of staying power and versatility that giving up...

Honestly, I think just about any magus archetype that trades out spell recall is going to be a power drop. That's one of the most useful class features in the game, in my opinion.

Silver Crusade Dedicated Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014

I haven't proofed, because I didn't get selected, but I tried to be smart with the template and do everything right

Here you go.

Boastful Champion (Barbarian)
In the River Kingdoms, especially amongst the scattered barbarian tribes, strength and charisma are rewarded. Ambitious warriors know to command the loyalty of their tribe; they must talk big and back it up.

Weapon and Armor Proficiency: A Boastful Champion is not proficient with Medium Armor

Class Skills: A Boastful Champion does not gain Craft (Int), Handle Anima (Cha), Knowledge (nature) (Int) as class skills; instead she gains Bluff (Cha) and Knowledge (history) as class skills.

Boast (Ex): Once per day, a boastful champion may taunt her opponents with a guarantee of victory. This grants her a +1 morale bonus to attack and damage rolls and DR 1/— until the encounter ends or she fails to back up her boast.

If she succeeds her boast, she doubles her remaining rage rounds. If she fails, she is shaken for the rest of the day.

Lists of Boasts
First Blood.
She is the first combatant to deal lethal damage.

Tremble Before Me.
She successfully intimidates at least two opponents during combat.

You’re Mine.
She deals the killing blow to the enemy with the highest HD.

Go Through Me.
None of her allies can take any damage before she does.

Barely a Scratch.
She must not take more than half of her hit points in lethal damage.

Called Shot.
She selects at least three enemies and hits them in the order she named them.

Cleave You In A Blow.
She selects an enemy to score a critical hit against; a coup de grace does not count.

No One Is Leaving Alive.
She cannot allow a single enemy to escape the battle alive.

You’re First.
She selects a single opponent and they must be her first kill.

Starting at third level and every three levels thereafter, she gains an additional use of boast per day. She may use up to 5 boasts at once for a total morale bonus of +5 to attack and damage and DR 5/—.

This replaces Medium Armor Proficiency and Trap Sense 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6.

First Into The Fray: At second level, a boastful champion receives Improved Initiative as a bonus feat.

This replaces uncanny dodge.

Behold My Conquests (EX): At fifth level, a boastful champion may make a Knowledge (history) check (DC 10+CR of encounter) as a full-round action to list her many accomplishments in battle. If she succeeds the check, her allies receive a morale bonus to their next saving roll equal to ½ her barbarian level. She may use this ability a number of times per day equal to 3 + her Charisma modifier.

This replaces improved uncanny dodge.

Star Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014

Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Nickolas Floyd wrote:
I did make the top 32, but I'm not going to make the top 16. I grossly misjudged my archetype because it was something I thought was cool. I made several other archetypes that I was considering submitting. I'm sure at least one of them would have been much better received and when the voting is done I will post my favorite here if that is cool. And you can all tell me how I should have definitely submitted it instead. Or you can tell me how they both suck. Either way.

Well, give yourself a few hours before you officially throw in the towel. :)

I think your idea was cool. I had some more specific comments I'll offer if I can find my damn notes. >_<

Marathon Voter 2013

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game Subscriber
SteelDraco wrote:
<stuff>

These make a lot of sense. I can see the clarification about why you added the 2nd level bit, as it's definitely one of the less known rules. So much so that I forgot it's only for SLAs that aren't based on a spell. So, well done!

I didn't notice the item creation feats replacements, due to looking far closer at the dimensional line.

And yep, it's a part of the Step Up chain. Found in the APG: here. It's an alright feat, but opens up the awesome Step Up And Strike :D

I didn't know about Another Day. It appears there are a number of similar abilities. The goblin one is roll with it and it too had the staggered effect.

It's good that you caught the SLA / spell combat thing. That section of the rules isn't as well understood by people (in part due to the rules being in like 5 billion spots), and this shows that you did your research.

Marathon Voter 2013

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game Subscriber

motteditor, yours is coming still, but might be a while. My first impressions aren't quite so positive. The balance is too wibblywobbly for me. But it's not something I wish to give an off the cuff opinion on, so I must read, absorb, and research.

Silver Crusade Dedicated Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014

I really like the Barbarian Warlord for an Enemy NPC, but for a player archetype I'm not as sold. But like I said in other posts, I'm not a long time player, so I haven't had the opportunity to play in campaigns where sieges are things you worry about being good at, rather than breaking.

Dedicated Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Adventure Path, Roleplaying Game Subscriber

I must say I like all the concepts posted here. As an avid archetypist I'm much more comfortable here than in the item threads. I really really like the Branthlend Witch idea, grabbed me more than the Top 32 wildshaping witch. I too would love to play one.
Sorry I have no time to critique even a little, but I did have this to say to Deathquaker:

@Warlord (Barbarian): That's a really neat archetype there. Neat as in simple and elegant. Now I'm very fond of wild gonzo creative abilities, but I also reserve an extra special regard for simple and elegant. What struck me as beautiful here were the two abilities Warlord's March and Ambush sense - each of these nicely complement the ability they replace in keeping with the new theme. The former is all about travel and movement, the latter plays off tingling alert senses. Just like the abilities they replace.

Not every swap in every archetype needs to do this, but it's definitely nice when done well and succinctly. Props to you.

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014

Here is what I came up with. I think I was on the third pass-through. It's still a little rough, and I am not wild about the name.

Outsea Seeker (Ranger)
The unusual saltwater haven of Outsea relies on its air-breathing allies to defend the exiled town and its interests beyond the reach of its water-bound citizens. These “landlubbers” are valued members of the diverse Outsea community and act as Outsea’s emmisaries, agents, and protectors in places that their underwater brethren cannot. They favor piercing weapons that are not hindered by the drag of the water but still dangerous on the shores.

Powerful Swimmer (Ex): At 1st level, an Outsea seeker is far more comfortable in the water than other air-breathers are. He can always take 10 on Swim checks. If an Outsea seeker takes a standard or full-round action while holding his breath, the remaining duration that he can hold his breath is not reduced by 1 round. This ability replaces track and wild empathy.

Favored Terrain (Ex): At 3rd level, an Outsea seeker selects two favored terrains, “swamp” and “water”. He does not gain additional favored terrains at higher levels. He does get to increase his favored terrain bonus by +1 at 8th, 13th, and 18th level for both favored terrains. This ability acts as and replaces the standard favored terrain ability.

Hunter’s Bond (Ex): At 4th level, an Outsea seeker must select an animal companion with both a swim speed and a normal speed, such as a snapping turtle or crocodile, as an animal companion. This ability functions like the druid animal companion ability, with the Outsea seeker’s effective druid level equal to his Outsea seeker level -2. This ability acts as and replaces the standard hunter’s bond ability.

Underwater Freedom (Su): At 7th level, an Outsea seeker has nearly as much skill and mobility underwater as any native of the sea. As a free action, he gains the ability to move and attack normally underwater, as if affected by freedom of movement for 1 round. The Outsea seeker can use this ability a number of rounds per day equal to his Outsea seeker level. These rounds do not have to be consecutive. This ability does not grant any other benefit of freedom of movement, nor does it grant water breathing. This ability replaces woodland stride.

Watery Ambush (Su): At 8th level, an Outsea seeker can gain a tactical advantage from his mastery of water while on land by bringing the water with him in powerful wave. When he exits from a source of water that is at least chest deep onto land, he receives the benefit of cover (but not improved or total cover) for 1 round. The first opponent that he attacks that round is flat-footed against the Outsea seeker’s first attack. This ability replaces swift tracker.

Marathon Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014

I was down to a toss-up between two ideas: this one, and a cavalier that bonded a boat instead of a mount.

I ran into the word count limit hard with this one. I wanted to swap out Loremaster with Bluff instead of Knowledge (carefully, of course, because social skills are usually more potent than Knowledge), and also wanted to swap Well-Versed with some ability that involved rumours or spreading dissension beyond the combat level. Alas, the three alternate performances nearly maxed out my word count.

Anarchist (Bard) (445 words)

The anarchist is skilled at planting seeds of anarchy and breaching trust between allies. Common throughout Galt, many of these trouble-makers have found their way into the River Kingdoms, employed by many rival dominions.

Alignment: Any chaotic.

Deceitful Purpose: An anarchist adds half his class level (minimum 1) to all Knowledge (Local), Knowledge (Nobility), Bluff, and Diplomacy checks, and may make all such checks untrained. This ability replaces bardic knowledge.

Bardic Performance: An anarchist gains the following types of bardic performance.
Spread Dissention (Su):An anarchist’s performance can seriously compromise an enemy party’s teamwork. For all enemies able to perceive him, the DCs for Aid Another actions and Handle Animal checks increase to 10 + half the anarchist’s level + the anarchist’s Cha modifier, they no longer provide soft cover to each other, and are unable trigger each other’s readied actions.

Affected enemies receive only half their normal bonus to hit from flanking. At 9th level, the anarchist’s performance is so potent that affected enemies receive no bonus to hit from flanking and flanked allies are considered to have the Improved Uncanny Dodge ability of a 9th level rogue. Spread dissention is a mind-affecting ability that relies on audible components. This ability replaces inspire courage and inspire greatness.

Sow Discord (Su): At 3rd level, an anarchist can use performance to negate some of the special training of their enemies. While in effect, all enemies able to perceive him receive a -1 penalty to attack rolls for each of their own allies who “threaten” them. They must also make a Will save (DC 10 + half the anarchist’s level + the anarchist’s Cha modifier), or be unable to use any Teamwork feats they possess (including an inquisitor using the solo tactics class ability or a cavalier’s tactician ability). Sow discord is a mind-affecting ability that relies on audible or visual components. This ability replaces inspire competence.

Instill Treachery (Su): At 15th level, an anarchist can use performance to disrupt control over their enemies’ minion creatures (summoned monsters, controlled undead, etc.). Such creatures must make a Will save (DC 10 + half the anarchist’s level + the anarchist’s Cha modifier), or fall under the anarchist’s control. Such control lasts as long as he continues the performance, at which time, the control reverts back to the original master. Instill Treachery relies on audible or visual components. This ability replaces inspire heroics.

Chaotic Nature: At 2nd level, the anarchist becomes resistant to the forces of law. He gains a +4 bonus to saving throws made against spells with the lawful descriptor and against the spells and special abilities of creatures with the lawful subtype. This ability replaces well-versed.

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

Cheapy wrote:
motteditor, yours is coming still, but might be a while. My first impressions aren't quite so positive. The balance is too wibblywobbly for me. But it's not something I wish to give an off the cuff opinion on, so I must read, absorb, and research.

Am I getting a cheapy shot?

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Almost glad I wasn't in competition with the other Alchemist entries! My comments coming sometime on the other Archetypes posted here.

Cursed Peddler (Alchemist)
An alchemist suffering from Gyronna's attention or whose chaotic lifestyle requires him to make and sell his wares while on the move is a cursed peddler. A cursed peddler has the following class features.

Class Skills: Appraise (Int), Bluff (Cha), Craft (any) (Int), Disable Device (Dex), Knowledge (arcana) (Int), Knowledge (engineering) (Int), Knowledge (nature) (Int), Perception (Wis), Profession (Wis), Sleight of Hand (Dex), Spellcraft (Int), Survival (Wis), Use Magic Device (Cha).

Sales Pitch: At 1st level, a cursed peddler can attempt to force his opponent to take and immediately use an object he is holding as though using the Deceptive Exchange feat. The use of the object counts as an immediate action for his opponent. If the object's use would allow for a saving roll then that roll still applies. This ability replaces Throw Anything.

Cognatogen: At 1st level, a cursed peddler gains the cognatogen ability, as per the mindchemist. This ability replaces the mutagen class ability.

Cursed Crafting: Starting at 4th level, a cursed peddler can create a cursed item on a successful magic item creation skill check with the opposite effect or target cursed item property. At 8th level, a cursed peddler can place a compulsion upon the cursed item. At 12th level and every two levels after, the DC to undo the curse increases by 2. A cursed peddler cannot have more than one cursed crafting item in existence at any time. This ability replaces the Poison Resistance class ability.

Swift Sale: At 6th level, a cursed peddler can draw an object to use for their Sales Pitch as a swift action. This ability replaces the Swift Poisoning class ability.

Buyer's Remorse: At 12th level, a cursed peddler can attempt to exchange an object he holds with an object held by his opponent. This works like the Sales Pitch class ability, but it does not force his opponent to use the object given immediately and an object must be traded by the cursed peddler.

Discoveries: The following discoveries complement the cursed peddler archetype: delayed bomb, dilution, enhance potion, eternal potion, extend potion, grand cognatogen*, greater cognatogen*, infusion.

Marathon Voter 2013

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game Subscriber

If I have time, maybe. There are a few I want to do before, and I don't want to get into a situation where everyone is asking me because then I don't have time for much else :)

The Exchange Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Shadowborn

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I'll be looking through these and offer my thoughts later. For now, here's my submission:

Master Thrower (Fighter)

A sharp eye, strong arm, and swift reflexes are tools of the trade for the master thrower, whether raiding merchant barges on the rivers or defending caravans or settlements from bandit attacks. The master thrower develops skills with hurled weapons to levels unobtainable by other fighters.

Class Skills: Acrobatics (Dex) is a class skills for a master thrower.

Weapon and Armor Proficiency: A master thrower is not proficient with heavy armor.

Quick Draw: A master thrower gains the Quick Draw feat at 1st level.

Hilt First (Ex): At 2nd level, the master thrower can strike his target with a weapon’s haft or pommel, inflicting bludgeoning damage with weapons that normally do piercing or slashing damage. He can choose to inflict nonlethal damage this way, taking a -4 penalty to the attack roll. This ability replaces the bonus feat at 2nd level.

Shield Catch (Ex): At 2nd level, the master thrower can use his shield to intercept incoming ranged attacks. He gains the Missile Shield feat, even if he does not have the normal prerequisites.

At 6th level, the master thrower can catch, rather than deflect, ranged weapons that deal piercing or slashing damage, and weigh no more than three pounds, with a wooden shield (including tower shields, but not bucklers). He can hold a number of weapons on the shield equal to half his master thrower level. Any weapons above that number are deflected instead. Each weapon held increases the armor check penalty of the shield by two until it is removed. No more than one weapon can be caught in this manner per round. Weapons held on the shield can be drawn and used as normal.

At 10th level, and again at 14th level, the added armor check penalty of caught weapons is reduced by one.

At 18th level, the master thrower can catch any number of ranged weapons up to his maximum in a given round.

This ability replaces bravery.

All in the Reflexes (Ex): At 3rd level, the master thrower gains the Deflect Arrows feat, even if he does not have the normal prerequisites.

At 7th level, the master thrower gains the Snatch Arrows feat.

At 11th level, the master thrower can still use the Deflect Arrows feat with a hand wielding a weapon. Also, he can direct the immediate attack allowed by Snatch Arrows at a target other than the original attacker.

At 15th level, the master thrower automatically confirms any critical threat with the immediate attack allowed by the Snatch Arrows feat and gains one additional use of this feat per round.

This ability replaces armor training 1, 2, 3, and 4.

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

I'll come out and say it first, I'm not overly familiar with Arcane spellcasters and how their bonded stuff works. I generally play martial or half caster types.

Familiar Item (Ex): I'm not sure I get why this is Ex instead of Sp? I see it can be either in the Core Arcane Bond ability...Just seems weird that it is an Ex to me. I also don't think I quite grasp what the ramifications of this are. Is it a standard action for the shift to occur? It sounds super cool though.

Improved Familiar Item(Ex): So you get a 2nd but Improved familiar, and I am glad you addressed that they can't both be the same at the same time.

Companion Bound (Ex): This is cool. I would have liked maybe a higher level Improved version of this.

Overall, I can't comment much on the mechanics as I don't quite grasp how it all works (I REALLY need to study up on those things). The concept is cool and I like the theme, 3x bonds. This would be one that I would have to read all the comments to help me decide on voting.

Dedicated Voter 2013

1 person marked this as a favorite.
GM_Solspiral wrote:

Turin: ... I frakin adore the Candlemere cultist and want more, more, more! ... I love candlemere as you know...

Candlemere, for a blurb in KM 2, is so rife with potential awesome our collective heads haven't begun to plumb its depths of depravity and potential. ;)

Ariax wrote:

Candlemere Cultist (Cleric): I'm not very familiar with Candlemere, but this archetype seems very useful for GMs statting up bad guy cultists in general. I like it. Simple but "right".

Simple is often the best approach especially for class feature-starved classes such as Cleric. I am of the opinion that Clerics are the most difficult to come up with archetypes for as testified by the comparative dearth of archetypes for them in the APG, UM and UC - and the complete lack of them in Superstar.

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Waystrider - Cool concept. I like this. But upfront, this build is somewhat possible by using the Dimensional Agility tree.

Far Step (Sp): I don't think you needed to specifically call out not being able to take actions after, since you already said it works like dimension door. I also think you wasted word count stating it is a 2nd level spellike ability. Sweet power though! Even though Monks don't get it till level 12 :(

Bonus Feat (Ex): I like this, I'm almost tempted to say you should limit to Dimensional Agility and either Combat or Metamagic, but I totally get how the choice is flavorful and true to the concept. I know my first bonus feat would ALWAYS be Dimensional.

Following Step (Su): What happens if the Will Save succeeds? Does it just fail? This is a GREAT idea though.

Escaping Step (Su): At first, I thought OP. But the inclusion of being staggered for a round and the fact that it is only to an adjacent square bring this right in line.

Overall, you've got a cool concept and I would love to play this Magus. It is somewhat possible to just max out the Dimensional line of feats and get something like this, but not with the bells and whistles. This would have been one of my 7th or 8th votes.

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Branthlend Witch - To me, I almost feel a Spawn like character being made from this. And that's a good thing!

Hampered Casting: Yowza! If I read the archetype as a whole, I get this. If I read this first though, it could turn me off of reading the rest. Maybe put this in after Vengeance Incarnate so people don't get discouraged from reading the rest upfront.

Retributive Hex (Su): Super cool and super flavorful. I like how make sure that Invisibles and Surprise Round (they shouldn't be aware in Surprise Round...right?) attacks don't activate this ability.

Vengeance Incarnate (Su): Ooooo. Self evolution points. This. Is. Awesome. Eidolons and Summoners are a tough class to build properly, but this seems straightforward and so cool. 4 + Int seems a bit much, especially as she gains 2 more per X levels.

Dying Wrath (Su): Again, cool and flavorful. This ability is spot-on themewise. Mechanically, again I like the sticking point that they have to be aware.

Grand Hexes: The following grand hex complements the scorned witch archetype: death curse, dire prophecy, eternal slumber.

Methinks you had a different name :)

Overall, this is super cool. Mechanically and thematically. Makes me want to play this witch.

Liberty's Edge Marathon Voter 2013

Of the archetypes I put together in preparation for round 2, I think this was the best, though I probably would have revised it a little more, and it still would have been blown out of the water by all the awesome alchemist goodness we got this year!

Upstart Aesthete (Alchemist)
The Academy of Grand Arts in Pitax attracts aspiring artists from across the River Kingdoms and beyond. While some find success as sycophants of the arrogant King Irovetti, serious students quickly become disillusioned with the academy's vain and talentless instructors. Many turn to the comfort of drugs, but a few upstart aesthetes experiment with more exotic concoctions, taking up alchemical arms against the tyranny of the tasteless.
Alchemist's Vermilion (Su)
At 1st level, an upstart aesthete can create a radiant red-orange pigment that he can apply to himself like a magic oil in order to dazzle and distract his foes. Once applied, the pigment glows brightly for 10 minutes per class level, making it difficult for creatures to look at the upstart aesthete directly. He sheds light as a sunrod and gains concealment, granting him a 20% miss chance. Furthermore, any creature that strikes him with a melee attack must make a Fortitude save (DC 10 + ½ the upstart aesthete's level + the upstart aesthete's Intelligence modifier) or become dazzled for 1 round per upstart aesthete level.

While under the effect of his alchemist's vermilion, an upstart aesthete may use it to mark another creature as a melee touch attack, granting the effect of a faerie fire spell.

An upstart aesthete who drinks an alchemist's mutagen is treated as a non-alchemist. All limitations to mutagens apply to alchemist's vermilion as if they were the same ability. The infuse mutagen discovery and persistent mutagen class ability apply to alchemist's vermilion. Alchemist's vermilion is a light-based effect.

This ability replaces mutagen.

Scornful Blast (Su)
At 3rd level, an upstart aesthete becomes skilled at demolishing the creations of lesser artisans. He may attempt a sunder combat maneuver with a thrown bomb against a target within 20 feet, with a -4 penalty to his CMB. The upstart aesthete uses his Dexterity modifier in place of his Strength modifier to determine his CMB for this maneuver. On a direct hit, his bombs inflict full damage against objects before applying the object's hardness.

This ability replaces swift alchemy (an upstart aesthete gains swift alchemy at 18th level and never gains instant alchemy).

Entrancing Bomb (Su)
At 6th level, when an upstart aesthete creates a bomb, he can choose to have it detonate in a breathtaking display of color and light. This spectacle fascinates creatures in an area equal to twice the bomb's splash radius for 1 round per upstart aesthete level, up to a maximum of 2 HD of creatures per level. A Will save (DC 10 + ½ the upstart aesthete's level + the upstart aesthete's Intelligence modifier) negates this effect.

This ability replaces swift poisoning.

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014

Ok so I guess I need to work on my writng chops...

The idea was getting the benefits of both a familiar and a bonded item whcih is restricted to weapon, ring, wand, or amulet. The familiar and item are the same and can magically shift back and forth from an item to a familiar.

For example if you chose viper as familiar and dagger as bonded object you could throw the dagger into someone then it could turn into the viper and get a bonus to bite. Alternately lets say you chose a hawk and an amulet, the hawk could fly over to your neck and turn back into an amulet.

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