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Bracers of Extreem Effort
Aura faint divination; CL 5th
Slot wrists; Price 4,800 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
This simple set of worn leather bracers allows the wearer to, on command, treat any roll of 15-20 as a natural 20. However, any roll of 1-5 is treated as a natural 1. This ability may be used twice per day on any d20 roll. activation of this ability is a swift action. you must declare that you are using this ability before you roll.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Items, keen edge, true strike,; Cost 2,400 gp
i know i prob got the price way off. but this was my first rps superstar to enter or read and i just took a shot in the dark. i readily welcome any advice
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Page 13
Hmm, interesting idea.
I think two things probably worked against it. It's a bit niche -- while dragons obviously play a huge part in the game, and especially the game's lore, you don't go up against them THAT much, I don't think. I think you could have added a bit of utility by making you immune to a single source of damage of the same energy as the source dragon (though that of course is nowhere NEAR as elegant, especially in that horrible way I phrased it; and by making it that much more utilitarian having complete immunity -- instead of a DR 30 or something -- would probably be overpowered).
I think the other problem that may have worked against you slightly, and I'm not sure on this one, is it almost feels more alchemical than a wondrous item.
I like the name, but I can also see it throwing some people off, if they're not aware of the concept (I'm assuming it's based on hunters using scents to mask themselves).
A few other small issues:
You've also got a few formatting problems. Spells should be lower case; your item should also be lower case and italicized when you refer to it in the description.
I also want more description. What's the jelly look like. Or with jelly, you could even do a smell or feel (fire would be hot, electricity would shock you slightly, etc. though again detailing all the possibilities might be too unwieldy). You had plenty more words to play with, so really try to draw me in.
Anyway, I think those are things that may have worked against the item, but in general I liked it. I don't know if I'd get a lot of use out of it, but if I were going dragon hunting, it'd be a MUST have.
This looks like it's 301 words, which means it was disqualified before anyone saw it.
Who's Inger?
Obviously you were up against word count, but you didn't give us any description of the item, and you've got some templating issues (no bolds or other BBC coding).
I actually think I like the idea of magical toadstools. That said, it feels like you've just created monster/hazards in a can here. I can basically throw green slime at a target, which especially considering the way you've statted it is REALLY powerful.
I think maybe you just tried to do a little too much here, as evidenced by your word count. I think next time I'd suggest focusing on one core item -- not one item with a number of variants -- and try to really draw in the reader with a good description. You've clearly got some imagination -- slime formed into a toadstool missile is definitely cinematic (i.e. the buzzword for this year's competition) -- but really pay close attention to the details.
I think in the end this felt like a numerical bonus item, though I thought you had an interesting mechanic behind. I liked that it basically scaled with the character, without being dependent on level. Still, I'm not going to sacrifice a 9th-level spell, for +9 initiative and AC for 9 minutes, so it starts to fall apart at higher levels.
I think you could also have given me a little more excitement in your initial description. They're normally quite inconspicuous doesn't really make me think "must have this" -- and it also kind of broke with my impression of these items as John Lennon glasses, which I wouldn't call inconspicuous.
I'm not crazy about the name, though jaws do intrigue me as an interesting base item. Your first line builds on that I think, with a nice description that makes me say, "Hmmm, I wonder what the heck these do!"
But then I think it just doesn't quite do enough. OK, giving me a bite is probably expected and makes sense. But then the other power, if I'm reading it right, means I can basically add a knock my enemy prone as part of my grapple attack. And I just want it to do something MORE. I don't know, swallow whole maybe (even though that's not quite on the theme), perhaps on a crit?
I feel like this is really close to something I'd call Superstar, but it's just not quite kicked up enough for me to completely say, "YES! Must throw this into my games!"
Wow. It gets easier as you get to the latter pages. : )
Bracers of Extreem Effort
Aura faint divination; CL 5th
Slot wrists; Price 4,800 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
This simple set of worn leather bracers allows the wearer to, on command, treat any roll of 15-20 as a natural 20. However, any roll of 1-5 is treated as a natural 1. This ability may be used twice per day on any d20 roll. activation of this ability is a swift action. you must declare that you are using this ability before you roll.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Items, keen edge, true strike,; Cost 2,400 gpi know i prob got the price way off. but this was my first rps superstar to enter or read and i just took a shot in the dark. i readily welcome any advice
Yup and this is a highly abusable item. Especially for a vorpal sword wielding character that can roll 2d20 and keep the one they want.
Keep trying, This was my 6th year entering.
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RE: Dragonstink - I think two things probably worked against it. It's a bit niche -- while dragons obviously play a huge part in the game, and especially the game's lore, you don't go up against them THAT much, I don't think. I think you could have added a bit of utility by making you immune to a single source of damage of the same energy as the source dragon (though that of course is nowhere NEAR as elegant, especially in that horrible way I phrased it; and by making it that much more utilitarian having complete immunity -- instead of a DR 30 or something -- would probably be overpowered).
I think the other problem that may have worked against you slightly, and I'm not sure on this one, is it almost feels more alchemical than a wondrous item.
I like the name, but I can also see it throwing some people off, if they're not aware of the concept (I'm assuming it's based on hunters using scents to mask themselves).
A few other small issues:
You've also got a few formatting problems. Spells should be lower case; your item should also be lower case and italicized when you refer to it in the description.I also want more description. What's the jelly look like. Or with jelly, you could even do a smell or feel (fire would be hot, electricity would shock you slightly, etc. though again detailing all the possibilities might be too unwieldy). You had plenty more words to play with, so really try to draw me in.
Anyway, I think those are things that may have worked against the item, but in general I liked it. I don't know if I'd get a lot of use out of it, but if I were going dragon hunting, it'd be a MUST have.
Thank you Jacob.
It's a shame the name threw off some people. I thought the name was fairly evocative of what it does. Apparently it was a little *too* evocative :)
I really stared at the oils/elixers in the wondrous item section before giving myself the go-ahead for that very same reason: alchemical vs. wondrous. I decided the power level put it squarely in wondrous. However, one thing I notice is that the oils/elixers generally don't go into *how* the item is made, and I'm wondering if that's what made the difference for some. At this point I have to accept that I went askew somewhere in that evaluation, it's just a matter of figuring out what set off that alarm in people. Then again, if it occurred to me, I should have known it would occur to others and gone with something else.
I fought between wanting to get more detailed in a flavor-sense, but in the end went with succinct and to the point as much as possible. I'm thrilled to hear someone actually wanted to hear more.
I can see now what people mean when they say it's not really a superstar item, despite liking it most other respects. All in all, the critique's are pointing at things I didn't think about, so I'm definitely walking away the better for it.
I think that's absolutely a big factor in how the item is made, Matthew. It's like last year's Scent of the Savored Sting, where it pointed out it used pheromones, to one of the judge's irritation. That makes it feel like something other than magic.
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I think that's absolutely a big factor in how the item is made, Matthew. It's like last year's Scent of the Savored Sting, where it pointed out it used pheromones, to one of the judge's irritation. That makes it feel like something other than magic.
To me that's like saying a +1 sword isn't magic because you need to find/craft a masterwork sword first. A spellcaster waving his hands over an empty bottle and having stuff just appear inside seems rather silly to me. I always pictured the main difference as magic items getting that extra kick of magic to bump it up. IE - both start off the same way, magic items just have a few more steps of magic infusion to enhance them, hence why alchemical items are so much weaker.
Just another place where I don't think the same way as everyone else, I guess. I'll have to keep that in mind next time around.
Again, thank you for the insight!
This should catch me up to date!
Manacles of Prisoner Transfer - Functional item. Makes sense something like this would exist, but isn't super exciting. Also, there is a historical bias against items to use with prisoners. Probably because it's a headache part of the game in a lot of ways. Seems pricey for what it does. Why diamond dust, by the way?
Dimensional Stable - Also a functional item. Desirable by anyone with a mount, but as your self-criticism noted, not superstar sparkly. For an interesting variation on the idea that did make the cut, see 2012's Metamorphosis Saddle.
Cuff of the Feral Lord - I don't think I saw this during voting. It's actually pretty neat, I probably would have voted for it. It's maybe a little niche, but not overly so. It still needs some mojo, but the basic idea has promise. Seems cheap.
Condensing Alembic - The negatives are too high for this. And voters and judges don't like skillcheck items. The basic direction is a good one, but it needs to come at less risk. Also, some may consider it not-a-wondrous-item since it's so alchemical.
Garments of the Creeper - Needs to be broken into paragraphs. Feels fairly Swiss-Army-Knife. Why would it not work on smaller creatures? Why is it a rock and not actual garments? Seems like the duration would be pretty short. Overall, it would be better to slim down the list of powers and focus on one cool aspect of it, and make that aspect REALLY cool.
Bracers of Extreem Effort - Yeah, the price is waaaay low for what these do. Another interesting idea, but probably overpowered in practice. People would definitely abuse them. I think this showed a good instinct for the right kind of area to play in, just needs so more thought about balance issues.
This should catch me up to date!
Cyber high five! Welcome to the finish line!
I think you've got some nice descriptive abilities. The description of the glove itself is above average, I think, but adding in the description of the effects of its use, and you really nail it. Excellent job, there.
That said, I think this felt like a real pain in the ass for the GM. It means I've got to figure out the history of every building I could possibly think of. I'm also not sure exactly WHAT this gives me. Do I know who built it? What it was used for? Everyone who's visited? Who's done what while there (i.e. the king was shtupping his queen's handmaiden in the stable)?
Lastly -- and I think this is one people didn't realize how prevalent this problem would be (certainly including me, as I used slightly unusual requirements) -- the requirements are a little odd. I think we should think of these items as something players might want to make, and I don't think a lot of players would take those skills. Now obviously prestige classes might force someone to take skills they normally wouldn't, but I don't know that magic items should. Anyway, this makes it feel like only something a NPC would make. Again, this is a problem I ran into with my own item, so I apologize if I belabored the point a little bit.
Love your description. Fantastic, pulls me right in.
Really like the idea of making your weapon vibrate to be able to use it against swarms. I've had a couple experiences now of throwing swarms against a party (once in Fellnight Queen) and having them (the PCs, not the swarms) really struggle.
Then you get into drawbacks and I'm suddenly a lot less excited. I think I'd rather just see you say it's magic, since it makes me want to use these a LOT less. I'm not even sure how big a drawback the weapon damaging aspect is, since it just means I wouldn't use my main weapon, but at the point I can afford these, buying/carrying around a few extra vibrating swarm smackers isn't a big deal.
I think the other mistake you may have made was making them gauntlets. Normally that'd limit your options, but in this case, you'd have people just buy an extra set and carry them around, slipping them on whenever you came up against a swarm. I think I'd have made this a slot-less item (perhaps requiring it be slapped onto the weapon so it couldn't be passed around the party).
I saw this one a lot, but unfortunately, I just wasn't a big fan. I suppose it might be a good solution to the problem of an evil, intelligent item, but I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've run into that problem. It was just too niche for me.
I think the drawbacks then kind of confuse me more. I can use this to undo the effects of the weapon, but if I then try to use the weapon, it's going to damage the item.
My one other complaint would be there wasn't much description. I didn't really get a good feel for it, and I'm not sure what cloth-of-silver band means, to be honest. I assume it's silver cloth, but band? Is it a small circle? Shroud makes me think of blanket or some sort of covering, so I wasn't sure if this was saying the shroud is banded with silver cloth.
Hmm, interesting item that plays with some interesting rules. Really like "codex" in the name, though "soma" doesn't really speak to me.
I think the big problem you have is you spend more time discussing how it can be used (transferring it into a tattoo) before getting to what it does (using spells from the book in place of his own spells). I think there may also be a few mechanic issues -- what happens if the spell isn't on my spell list? I'm not sure if you meant for me to be able to cast any wizard spell by any arcane caster. (And actually, I might argue they could be cast by ANY caster -- it only notes that the color changes when held by an arcane caster, not that it can only be used by an arcane caster, though I think that's what you intended.) If you did mean that, it's a pretty powerful ability. I think that would make it almost a must-have if I'm playing any other arcane casting class other than wizard, this is one of the first things I'm getting. Being able to cast any spell on the wizard's list (once I get it into the book) even at the cost of two spells of that level seems really strong.
I think you could also add a bit more description. For an item that's pretty colorful, it's not the most memorable -- "This book appears to be ..." is a very passive lead in that doesn't really grab me, though you certainly tried to do something neat with the changing color.
I like these; I can see why they made Top 89. I like the revamped paragraph 1 description. I thought the revamps paragraph 2, about the effects, was far more confusing. I liked the original version much better. Was far clearer how it worked and what was intended.
I do worry it could actually make healing a bit too easy -- It means I can go right up to my ally and cast indefinite cutes without worrying about AoO. That might be a bit broken.
Sorry, Talos, I wasn't a fan of these. They were a spell in a cuff. And probably a plot item. And really expensive for something I just don't think I'd use very much.
I think next year, try to think BIGGER. Really play with the rules and see what you can do that's more than just a standard spell.
DQ, I'm glad you posted for review, and entered. I think you nailed most of the problems in your self-critique. I'd add that maybe adding a little more description at the start (obviously you were very close to the word count limit, but cutting some of the mechanics, as you note, would have given you more room).
The other thing I notice is that magic items don't use second person ("you"), so that could have cost you a bit too, though I'd assume that wasn't a huge consideration for most people.
I liked it. Sorry I can't give you better feedback, but I thought this was pretty cool. Template looks perfect. Biggest criticism I can think of is not everyone may have known what Ekujae is. (I just doublechecked to make sure I was correct and it was what I thought it was.)
I liked this, but felt it was an alchemical item, not a wondrous item. I probably voted for it when it was up against some of the items I didn't like, but that really hurt it against what I felt were the stronger items.
Your template looks good, but I think your pricing is off. If I'm reading it right, this is the cost for the still, which I can use as often as I want. So basically doubling my damage for every item -- and once I get to high enough levels, that Craft check isn't really an obstacle -- for 200 gp. I feel like you want to have this be a disposable for that price -- make it something you drop into the liquid and it condenses it into its more powerful form (which would also make it feel like more of wondrous item and less alchemical).
You're missing all your coding, which is a strike right off the bat. You've also got a lot of choppy sentences:
"In addition, gaining the following racial modifiers of +4 Stealth in dim light (–4 in bright light) and finally gaining the incorporeal defensive abilities of a Shadow. They will not gain the Shadows strength drain or spawn creation abilities. They will however; be subject to positive energy damage. In addition to spells, abilities, or items which affect an undead type. They will also suffering from mind-affecting effects, abilities drains and non-lethal damage as they would normally."
You've got lots of short sentences here that just kind of go one after the other. In addition, the first one's missing an active verb, meaning it's not really a proper sentence; and the semicolon's note needed in the third stence. You also don't need to capitalize shadow.
Additionally, this is basically a monster in a can. You're turning yourself into a monster, which just isn't that exciting.
That said, I think you had a neat idea with the stone melting into the covering. I might've made it into a consumable -- once the stone melts, it's gone forever.
You've got a typo in the name, which is an absolute killer.
At only 95 words, you had a lot more to play with, which you really could have used to add to the description of your item. Not only with how it looks, but how does it work. What does it do that it extends the critical threat/fail option?
That said, I think it's also a bit broken. There aren't really any consequences to rolling a 1 other than missing (and with skills, you can still succeed even on a 1) -- heck, a lot of times, it's not going to matter if you roll a 1 or a 5, it's going to fail -- so there's no real penalty to this item. On the other hand, being able to effectively "roll a natural 20" 25 percent of the time is a HUGE boon. There are plenty of things you can only hit on a 20, not to mention the crit range. As I think someone else noted, being able to do this consecutively means a vorpal blade can end the great wyrm dragon in a single attack with a couple decent rolls instead of really needing to get lucky with two 5 percent rolls in a row.
And done! High five, CWW and Solspiral. (Now I need to go back to see how many I did. And then start looking at the archetypes.)
Thanks, Jacob. I got confused on POV; will be more careful next time.
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This should catch me up to date!Cyber high five! Welcome to the finish line!
Woot! An elite club of slightly insane commenters!
Synergistic Extract of Haunts
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 7
Slot none Price 12,500 gp Weight 1/2 lbs.
Description
This dark purple liquid emanates cold from within its crystal vial. The skull shaped stopper is an eyedropper that can be used to apply the extract up to 6 times a day. Effects have 10 minute durations. The user may have only one effect active at a time.
Eyes – The user’s eyes cloud over with cataracts, rendering him blind for the duration. He can detect the strength (Caster Level) and location of haunts within 100 ft. Also, he is never surprised by a haunt.
Hands – The user’s hands wither and become incorporeal, preventing him from holding anything for the duration. He can “grapple” with a haunt, stopping the manifestation and suspending any spell effect the haunt has active. The haunt can resist each round by saving against a DC 17 using its Caster Level as a modifier. If the user possesses the ability to channel positive energy he may do so beyond the surprise round to try and neutralize the haunt. Only one of these uses is permitted per round.
Tongue – The user’s tongue shrivels and turns black, preventing him from speaking normally for the duration. He communicates with haunts by strange utterances. Using Diplomacy (haunts do not acknowledge Bluff or Intimidate attempts) the user can influence and learn about a haunt. Haunts see him as Indifferent for starting attitude. Use the haunt’s Caster Level in place of Charisma modifier. Information that can be learned includes the haunt’s area, effect, destruction, reset and trigger.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, detect undead, halt undead, speak with undead, ; must be created on the site of a destroyed haunt; Cost 6,250 gp
Thanks for any comments!
Damn you, Harker! I was DONE!
You've got some template issues. If it's just half a pound, pounds doesn't need to be plural. Also, your spells should be italicized and it looks like you've got an extra comma and space there.
I like your description, with the dark puple liquid, emanating cold, skull-shaped stopper... but then I think it kind of veers suddenly into the mechanics, which is a little jarring.
I think you've got an interesting haunt item, which certainly is close to my heart after my haunt item last year. I don't know whether that might be too niche, though. I honestly don't think my haunting glass would have made it through a public vote.
I think the other problem is your magic item actually appears to be the vial and dropper but its name is the synergistic extract. You also start your description by talking about the extract (the purple liquid). It gets confusing when I look at the price and realize that I can apply the extract six times a day (which seems like a ton! I've never played Carrion Crown, but do people generally run into haunts that often?). Based on your name and initial description, I'm expecting a low-cost consumable. And I think that would actually have worked better for you. That seems like something I'd always want to have a dose or two of with me, for when I do run into haunts (or would buy if I'm going somewhere I was expecting haunts) but I don't think the whole vial is something I'd really see my players going out of their way to get.
And done again.
a Huge Thank You to All the individuals that took time to review other people's items and provide feedback. Thank you!
This is not as crazy (yet) as it has been some years, but I've been trying to read through it. As Bombadil just said, thanks to all of you who took the time to provide the reviews.
Thanks so much for the feedback!
Synergistic Extract of Haunts - Jacob hit on some good points, all of which I agree with.
The most notable to me is the 6 times a day use, which seems overkill for dealing with haunts. Unless you're in a specific sort of situation, but then it becomes a plot device, and maybe overpowered.
When I was voting, what turned me off on this one was the multiple effects depending on how you use it. I'm not sure that's a completely fair reaction on my part, but it's something to be aware of with public voters. It's probably best to have a very clear direction for an item, and a variety of effects usually waters that down too much.
I think the killer version of this item would focus on grappling haunts. There's something cool there, and it could likely be made cinematic and audience-pleasing.
My item was the Toastmaster's Glass. I think I tried to do too much with it and it is a real world item. It definitely wasn't superstar quality but it was my first attempt in entering. I hemmed and hawed over entering for a while. Unfortunately, my laptop died and until it is fixed, I don't have a copy of my item. A review would be welcome. Thanks.
This was from page 14 and I haven't seen a comment on it, probably because I didn't actually post my item. I've found a backup of it but didn't save the formatting (i.e. bolding)so here's my attempt at recreating it:
Toastmaster’s Glass
Aura faint enchantment and transmutation; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 35,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
Description
This simple yet elegant wine glass is the same size of an ordinary wine glass but with only one-quarter of its capacity. A nearly solid depression in its bowl creates the illusion of the glass being full.
Anyone drinking from a toastmaster’s glass is immune to all detrimental effects of inebriation. However, poisons and diseases affect the drinker normally.
Once per day as a Standard Action, the user of a toastmaster’s glass can gain the attention of any number of creatures within 100-foot radius and hold them enthralled as per the enthrall spell for up to 1 hour while granting the user a +20 bonus to Bluff checks to convince them that whatever the user says is true. They are considered to have an attitude of friendly toward the user of the glass. Creatures with 4 or more HD or with a 16 or higher Wisdom score remain aware of their surroundings and have an attitude of indifferent.
If any member of the audience is attacked or subjected to some other overtly hostile act, previously enthralled members become immediately unfriendly toward the user. Each creature with 4 or more HD or with a Wisdom score of 16 or higher becomes hostile.
Any magical effect that would detect the user's lies or force the user to speak the truth automatically fails as long as the user holds the glass aloft.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, enthrall, glibness; Cost 17,500 gp
I apologize for the tardiness.
Debby
Can I still get in on the Good bad and ugly review?
Manacles of Prisoner Transfer
Aura faint, Illusion, Abjuration; CL 5th
Slot wrists; Price 32450 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This set of manacles was designed for the sole purpose of transporting high risk prisoners. Three times per day the person with the key to these manacles can use nondetection and disguise other on the prisoner within the manacles. In all other regards the manacles function as masterwork manacles.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, disguise other, nondetection, diamond dust worth 50 gp; Cost 16225 gpLoved this item and I voted a lot for it. Sure it is a a spell in cane and very situational, but it's the kind of item that sparks a quest in my mind and that is more than what a lot of items did.
Template seems good, but probably too expensive. The schools in the aura section should be in alphabetical order (A before I).
Thank you, I had the idea for this when Brienne Tarth is escorting the King Slayer across the kingdoms in Game of Thrones. I thought, wouldn't it be easier getting this extremely high profile prisoner where he needs to go if he looked like someone else?
Toastmaster’s Glass
I was a little thrown by the name, as toastmaster is a real-world organization.
Your description's OK -- I think it's one of those items that's hard to make really exciting (again, I'm remembering a practice item I made that was a stick; there just wasn't much I could do with it). I was a bit confused about the limited amount it holds. I expected that to be relevant somehow and it never ended up that way.
I was going to say I think you led off with the less exciting power. That said, I can certainly see that being useful in and of itself, but at first glance it felt like you were burying the lede a bit.
The main power fits like I was expecting, but it feels really powerful. By my reading, I could walk up to a goblin camp holding this up and they simply wouldn't attack me, with no chance for a save. Granted, the price is high enough that most anything you run into at this point should have 4 or more HD, but it just felt a little extreme to me. It felt a bit like something that was expected to be used primarily at a royal dinner, where I think I can envision it being used as desired, but didn't quite hold up for me when I considered how it could be used elsewhere.
Your template use looks perfect. You don't need to capitalize standard action, though.
Finally, back at it. Reviews will be sporadic but still forthcoming.
First Light
Upfront, I'm wary of CL 15th items. Not saying they are bad, just saying I'm wary.
I really really like your intro sentence. "An effervescent, illuminating liquid of condensed, ancient light fills a small vial attached to a leather cord meant to be worn around the neck." Nicely done!
The next sentence is a simple statement of powers which I like.
Sheds light like a torch..got it. Great job referencing that so it is exactly defined.
"including the light created by a first light" this bit was slightly confusing. Are you saying that it automatically increases its own light one step? I think you mean that it increases another first light's light. And can it just reciprocally increase until it reaches bright light maximum?
Cool flavor and mechanics that affect Light and Darkness spells. What about Darkness spells with a duration that are already cast?
The 3rd power fits thematically, which made it OK to be a SAK for me. 2 saves is kind of weird though. Maybe 1 reflex save at DC22.
I like the 1d4 recharge mechanic and how it loses all other properties after attempting to blind someone.
Overall, this is cool. I upvoted it most of the time. I think only 1 or 2 times did I downvote it, when it was against my favorite Top 32 items. I can't say why it didn't make it in, other than maybe the voting populace doesn't use Light and Darkness descriptor spells very often or don't realize they do. Good work, apply the same creativity and thoughtfullness to another item that has a cooler theme* and you will be very successful.
*Not that this isn't cool to me personally, I just think that the voting populace didn't think of it as cool.
Shadow Sentry
You hit my 2 biggest critiques in your self critique spoiler, so be happy that you can recognize that!
Also, be very proud for submitting, and doubly so when having gamed for only a year.
It's also...kind of boring. You really are only duplicating the spell effects.
Your pricing may be off...but I think it's a case of "You didn't get it right, but you didn't get it WRONG."
20' radius isn't THAT big for a campsite. 40' would have been cooler.
You did have a cool description in your first sentence. Drop the next "Most Often Place" sentence.
Overall, I didn't like it, but only BECAUSE it was a safe camping item and pretty much exactly SIAC. You've got ideas and you've got some good description in your first sentence. Work on master rules so you know how to effectively break them and work on a little more fluff!
Tempest Regalia
Thomas! I'm sorry that I downvoted this so many times :(
I had a personal bias against the regalia/outfit/clothing things since I was getting them A LOT in the voting process.
I also have a bias against ioun stone holders.
I don't know that I can offer critique on this item that you wouldn't already know or know better than me!
I like your descriptive language, I do.
You offered a very well thought-out and well written item. The use of multiple books (and your correct citing of those books) shows a breadth of knowledge and ability to combine these things effectively.
I'm not sure you should have started with the Charisma based checks. Your meat and potatoes power probably should have come first.
Windstorm. Cool. Why doesn't it add to Trip maneuvers?
I like the difficult terrain feature, but I found myself wondering why it wouldn't be all adjacent squares. I get that it ties in nicely with the DC increase to move through you, but it just seemed odd that the windstorm was so contained to be only your square.
Really, really like the fact that swapping ioun stones doesn't add uses.
Overall, serious voter fatigue. That and my personal bias against ioun stone holders. Maybe one or two less powers on a future item would help too. You've got good skills and good mojo, so more of that in the future too :)
Tablet of Heretical Lore
Cool name right off the bat. Super cool name.
The biggest thing...so you need to spend 8,000 gp for just the tablet, then you need two domain spellcasters in your group, one to cast the different domain spell, you must purify it for an hour consuming 100*Spell Level*Min CL, then spend another hour to pray extra hard to prepare the spell.
Whew...that's a lot of work and gold to be able to prepare 1 spell not in your domain when it only replaces one of your spells, not grant an extra.
I think you restricted this too hard.
You showed creativity and coolness (name), but you let your mechanics get in the way of your writing.
Overall, it was good but needed less restriction. Bring an item with the same pattern of deep thought but don't let your mechanical thinking get in the way of your creative and you've got an award winning recipe!
Amulet of Amended Strategy
First thing that caught me was...what is embrace destiny? I couldn't find it in the PRD.
You've got an OK name. Serviceable. Not the best not the worst.
I like the description at the beginning but I have no idea why the item looks like that and accomplishes what it does? Consistency in theme!
It's a cool thing that anyone who's readied against a charge will immediately want. I mean..I can't tell you how many times I've gone wasted in a round because my readied action never happens.
This thing is concise, which I really appreciate and like.
The price feels off though...I mean...this is a pretty hefty cinematic...Sometime in 6 seconds I change what never happens to something that does happen. I really feel like it should be a higher cost. Even if it is only 1x per day.
Overall, Cool, neat, and effective...but lacking the Superstar fluff mojo pizazz. Work on that while keeping your wordcount trim, and you will be good!
Circlet of Malevolent Eyes
Ahh, Anthony, I took my time and let this review percolate. You deserve more than a gut reaction review, especially due to your efforts and commitment to this competition.
I didn't see this item until the last 2 days of voting. I remember it very well because even though it was an "of" name, it stuck out of the crowd. Very evocative.
Your opening sentence was GREAT. "Adorned by a central ovoid moonstone" is a killer, but you are missing a comma between "central" and "ovoid".
I would have liked the 4 amber stones to be another sentence because the "shaped as tiger's eyes" part could mean the moonstone is also shaped as a tiger's eye the way the sentence is written.
"When worn by a ranger, the moonstone silhouette reforms to represent the ranger’s favored enemy with the highest bonus." Just asking here, do you mean the shape of the moonstone changes from ovoid to the shape of the favored enemy? Pretty cool! But, kinda meh ability as the first ability.
"Where the ranger has more than one favored enemy with the same bonus, they must choose for the moonstone." This is just kind of clunky. Could have reworded to something like, "If there is more than one favored enemy present, the ranger must choose which shape the moonstake takes." That actually saves 1 word :)
"The moonstone remains fixed until there is a change in ranger’s favored enemy with highest bonus when it immediately changes to match." This is kind of clunky again, could have been something like, "The moonstone remains fixed until a different favored enemy with a higher bonus appears." Saves some more words.
"As a move action, touching both moonstone and one eye transfers the wearers favored enemy bonus represented by the moonstone to apply to the enemy represented by the eye for 5 rounds. The rate of transfer is 2 points per 1 point of bonus gain and stacks with any existing favored enemy bonus. Where the wearer does not have this favored enemy, they can treat such targets as favored and apply half the new bonus." This whole section is oddly written and it took me a few reads to get what you are doing. Basically, the ranger can transfer double their favored enemy bonus into the circlet and the next wearer can (for 5 rounds) stack that bonus if they posess the favored enemy ability OR if they don't have the ability they can halve the bonus in the circlet, effectively giving them the original wearer's bonus?
The way that section is written is pretty confusing and left me asking things like "Why wasn't it written simpler?"
I also found myself wondering why I can't store different favored enemies into each of the 4 eyes. Or can I?
The last paragraph/power fits thematically, but I would have cut it and used the wordcount to explain the central power a little better.
Overall, I liked this item when I finally saw it. I had voter fatigue at the time, and this item still managed to catch my eye, thanks in part to the superior name. The fluff is fantastic. The biggest issue I see is the explanations of the mechanics is sometimes clunky and sometimes downright confusing. Work on concision and clear writing AND put your best power first, and next year I have no doubts we'd see you in the Top 32!
Thanks, a spot on review - and finally I'm getting there with naming :)
Seriously, I think that is the first name I really felt confident about over all the entries I have made since the competition first ran.
Yeah, that clunky phrasing - I think I'm getting better, see my Mistwalker in the Rd2 what would you have posted archetype thread - I think you will see a big improvement.
My biggest issue now is not being too niche/clever for my own good and catching the public eye better.
... flurries have now been clarified to only require one weapon...
Please, can you (or someone else here) point me to this clarification? It will come up in my game and I'd like to be able to refer to it.
Thanks!
... flurries have now been clarified to only require one weapon...
Please, can you (or someone else here) point me to this clarification? It will come up in my game and I'd like to be able to refer to it.
Thanks!
... flurries have now been clarified to only require one weapon...
Please, can you (or someone else here) point me to this clarification? It will come up in my game and I'd like to be able to refer to it.
Thanks!
A better resource would be this one, as it also shows you the other changes to the monk.
(Sorry Joana!)
Not to slight the marathon voters, but major kudos to the people who have been going through and reviewing every single item in this thread. I mean... damn. That's either dedication to hearing out fellow competitors... or a real love of being heard. Seriously, good on every single one of you, because this thread is huge.
Now Imma make it li'l bigger:
Aura faint conjuration; CL 3rd
Slot —; Price 900 gp; Weight 10 lb.
Description
This totem has a wooden bowl attached to its base. Unscrupulous characters use a magpie totem to pilfer small, forgettable items—things that can be "misplaced."
For a magpie totem to function, it must set upright, its bowl must not be full, and it can't be moved more than five feet per day; the totem functions automatically. The totem's bowl can hold twelve Fine objects at a time.
While the magpie totem is active, it manifests an invisible spirit. This spirit can travel anywhere within 500 feet of the totem in its search for unattended items. An "unattended item" is any Fine object that hasn't been manipulated, worn, carried, or deliberately observed in the last minute. The spirit takes any unattended item to the magpie totem and places them in its bowl.
Spells and limitations that confound unseen servant or locate object also protect items from a magpie totem. Spotting an item being pilfered requires a DC 26 Perception check; if the spirit is spotted, the magpie totem stops functioning for 24 hours. The magpie totem only steals one unattended item per hour.
If a PC empties a magpie totem, she rolls percentile dice and receives items of a value given on the table below. For every hour less than a day that has passed since the totem was last emptied, apply a cumulative -2 penalty to the result.
Table: Magpie Totem's Treasure
d% --- Value
01-48 - Nothing of value
49-69 - 2d4 cp
69-84 - 2d4 sp
85-94 - 2d4 gp
95-99 - 1d4 pp
100 ---- Special*
*The totem has found a valuable item (GM's choice). The original owner begins searching for this item after 1d4-1 days.
Construction Requirements
Craft Wondrous Item, locate item, unseen servant; Cost 450 gp
The magpie totem touches on some things Sean discouraged, with a long word count and a table of random-ish effects. But I felt both were necessary. The table lets the GM avoid the extra work of discovering what items the magpie totem has stolen each day. And the additional wording prepares the GM for when the magpie totem is used against the party, or the players try to use the totem in a different way. Unfortunately, I forgot to decide how the magpie totem chooses between multiple unattended objects.
I think the biggest problem was that the magpie totem can be more of a plot device than a cool magic item the party will want. Honestly, the idea did start from a fantasy "layman" perspective, rather than an adventurer's, and the magpie totem's limited mobility can be antithetical to a traveling party.
I'm also unsure of the pricing--I based it around the magpie totem's average income per year if it was used every day.
Now Imma make it li'l bigger:
Every time I think I'm finished they just keep dragging me back in!
I like the name. Unfortunately, you give me no real description of what your item looks like other than it has a wooden bowl attached to the base. I assume it's meant to look like a stylized magpie of some sort.
I don't like that the item can't move. That's going to make it fairly useless for most adventurers, who aren't going to be just sitting around too often.
I'm not sure how I'd want to use this, to be honest. I think you'd have been better off making it so it could steal Fine items that aren't being worn (i.e. not rings, though perhaps coins -- or even ioun stones!), which would make it of much greater use.
I think you're right about the randomness table. That certainly threw me at first, though I can see why you included it.
On the bright side, while I certainly see how it could be used as a plot device, that's not what I actually first thought of. Really, I see this more as dungeon dressing. It'd be fun to throw in an eccentric rogue or wizard's lair, kind of a neat little mystery for the PCs to figure out (especially if some of its contents is their gear, which went missing in the night, even if they hadn't realized it).
Decided to do a little count.
Assuming I didn't miss any (and I don't think I did), there were 177 items that were posted for critiques.
Page 1 had, by far, the most items posted, with 40 of them.
Interestingly (I think), the page with the second most items was Page 9, which had 17.
so I missed 3 somehow...
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I think you need to go back and figure out which ones, then. (Did you count your own -- I gave myself a shoutout, so it was easy to remember to include it.)
Help me out peeps, if I missed you in my good bad ugly thread and you want the feedback buzz me up or post a hey ya missed me on the thread...
I'd appreciate any comments:
Spectacular Curtain
Aura faint illusion; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 4000 gp; Weight 20 lbs.
Description
This appears to be an ordinary square of canvas, ten feet per side, however, when a command word is spoken, one surface of the curtain transforms. Those standing in front of the curtain see the image, any desired by the wielder; the other side is as transparent as glass.
While concentrating, the forward image can be fluidly changed, keeping pace with the mental images desired by the wielder. These illusory images may be detected (Will DC 13 disbelief). Incongruous or illogical images may grant a bonus to this save of up to +4 or a new save.
The curtain can be rolled out on a flat surface as a move action. Two corners may be affixed to any surface as a standard action, securing all four corners is a full round action. Unsecured corners reduce the save DC by 1 for every 2 corners that remain unsecured.
Those affected by the curtain are more susceptible to any bardic performances or enchantment spells cast during, or up to three rounds following, the viewing. The DC to resist any of these effects is 2 higher than normal and any continuing effects last two rounds longer than normal.
Alternatively, as a standard action, a second command may be given which will fix a static image on the curtain for up to 8 hours. This command will function only once per day.
Wielders of high intelligence may spend additional rounds composing the static image, raising the DC by 1 for each round spent composing the visual effect, up to the wielder’s total intelligence bonus. Any intelligence penalty of the wielder lowers the DC accordingly.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, silent image, hypnotic pattern; Cost 2000 gp
... flurries have now been clarified to only require one weapon...
Please, can you (or someone else here) point me to this clarification? It will come up in my game and I'd like to be able to refer to it.
Thanks!
A better resource would be this one, as it also shows you the other changes to the monk.
(Sorry Joana!)
@Cheapy and Joana:
Thanks! This very recent change will make my monk player giddy as a school girl.
Spectacular curtain
Right off the bat, the name throws me a bit. Spectacular's a good adjective, but it doesn't really tell me about the item (even if you did pick it to tie in with spectacle, it just feels odd -- like if my item were the amazing chair). Curtain does seem like an interesting choice for a base item, though.
Template's missing the commas in the price and cost, but otherwise look good. 20 pounds gives me pause, though. This is a heavy curtain.
"Ordinary" doesn't really excite me in the first sentence. Then you've got some odd phrasing. You say the curtain transforms, which makes me think into what. Then you said viewers see the image, though you haven't really introduced an image yet. Also, "see the image, any desired by the wielder" is awkward. I think it would have been better to write "Those standing in front of the curtain see any image desired by the wielder." Also, I don't know that you'd really be considered the wielder if you're not actually holding the curtain up.
I think it's got some neat uses -- I like the mechanics of a lot of what you've done here, and I can think of different things I might try with the curtain even if I weren't a bard -- but truthfully, my biggest takeaway is it feels really anachronistic to me. I think I'd probably vote for the curtain against some of the worse items I saw, but that sense of not fitting in would cause me to vote against it when it came to the competition's better items.
178!
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RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
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I'm first going to give feedback for the top 89 that didn't make it that have requested feedback. I think that might be most helpful. Not till tomorrow night, though. I've been finishing up archetypes :)
You've probably been busy recently, but is there any chance the top 89 will get feedback from you, Clark?
Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9
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I know I was a bit late to this, but I was wondering if someone could critique this for me? I know what my glaring grammatical flaw was(I used "djinn" when I should have been using "djinni", but I fixed that here). If someone could let me know what's wrong with it, and what I could do better, I would be eternally grateful!
Mirror of Trapped Knowledge
Aura faint transmutation, strong conjuration (calling), and strong divination; CL 14th
Slot —; Price 200,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
Description
This hand-held mirror is about a foot across, backed in iron, with arcane symbols wrought in silver around the rim. The surface of the mirror is cold to the touch and smoke writhes just under the glass until grasped by an intelligent creature. At this point, the magic within the mirror activates and the surface clears, revealing the reflection of the creature holding it. After some scrutiny, the holder realizes that the reflection is acting independently of the one reflected.
The mirror contains a bound djinni (see the Pathfinder RPG Bestiary) who has been forced to take the appearance of the one reflected. The djinni is polite and can be conversed with casually, but does not provide any information more relevant than the current weather in the area. However, three times per day, if the holder spends 10 minutes conversing with the djinni, the holder may gain a +3 circumstance bonus on any one Knowledge check as the holder and the djinni discuss the subject. Furthermore, once per day, the djinni can be requested to provide information as if a legend lore spell had been cast. The effect is produced as if the person, place, or thing was immediately available, even if it is not.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fox’s cunning, legend lore, planar binding; Cost 100,000 gp
you are reviewed in my good, bad ugly thread... anyone before this post should be covered.
Argh, 2 stupid car wrecks in 2 weeks and PC dying has kept me from getting back to these boards. I'll be back regular soon though!
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Mirror of Trapped Knowledge
Sorry to save I think I voted across this one a lot. It's a nice adaptation of a common fairy tale trope, I think, but I just felt that that's all that it was. There was no real spark to show me your own design skills. That's not always fatal -- there's an interesting conversation going on in the argopelter thread about converting real-world things to Pathfinder as part of the Superstar competition -- but in this case, it just didn't show me what you'd be capable of as a designer.
Mechanically, it all seemed like perfectly reasonable, but there was nothing there to really mess with the rules/be groundbreaking. I saw it a skill bonus with a spell in a can.
That said, I thought you had a nice description of the item, so next year, I'd try to bring that again while focusing on having the magic behind it be a bit more wondrous.
179 items
Any of the judge judges going to get back to this thread? I know the populace didn't like my item, but I was hoping Clark would...heh.
I suspect the judges lack of commentary on this thread aside from both how large it is and their possible consideration of doing anyone from the top 89 in here is a good indicator that's prolly not going to happen. Almost 200 items are in this thread I don't blame the judges if they chose to not add to this. I also think the community did a good job overall providing people with feedback...
If I counted right, I preserved copies of 290 item descriptions, including all posted in this thread. It was not a "keep file" in the usual sense, just amusing myself to see how many different items came up in my voting. But I didn't decide to do that until after the first several days, and once I started I wasn't completely consistent about it, so it's not even an accurate representation of that.
Cut 'n paste failed with the Stigmata Gauntlet, as I missed the entire Construction Requirements line. Anyone have that item in their keep file?
I'm slightly curious as to how many more items I could get from others' keep file lists, if I compared my list of 290 against the full alphabetical list that's been posted in the forums, and asked "Did anyone put <list of ~500 items> in their keep file?" Perhaps not curious enough to actually do it, though.