False factoids


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KahnyaGnorc can summon blow darts with a sweep of her hand, and control them at will


ULTRAGEEK actually has no control over his eyes except the big one in the middle.


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Molten Dragon really shouldn't have eaten that last furby.


Ventnor's hoard consists of no coin, but over a hundred thousand Tamagotchi that he has been maintaining since the late 90's.


GoatToucher invented the chia-pets. The reason is better left unsaid.

Sovereign Court

To cure crippling loneliness, Kat's Eye gladly signed a contract to be a 'resident' in GoatToucher's workroom for a thousand years in order to get a large amount of chia-pets.


Avatar of Zon-Kuthon has a secret plan for all those chia pets, in involves causing them to mutate from soft and silly to extra spiking and poisonous. Oddly the new chia spike horrors seem to have also gained the powers of catnip, which explains allot.


GM_Beernorg's favorite soda flavor is earwax.


Ventnor has a large collection of earwax figures, including 73.56794 figures of himself.


KahnyaGnorc sculpted at least half of those figures using earwax extracted from GoatToucher's work room.


Ventnor ought to be told that that wasn't earwax


Pulg can never go home. Not after everything he's seen.


It is known that Ventnor and Pulg are FB friends. But did you know they were pen pals long before the Internet was a thing?


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Molten Dragon has a pen pal. As in, he has a pen who he thinks talks to him.


Ventnor has a pal pen. The FBI are very interested in talking to Ventnor.


Pulg works for the FIB.

Scarab Sages

KenderKin works for the FUBAR.


Here we see the IHIYC in its native environment. Watch as it cleans itself with assorted garments in the closet and tries on the clothing without regard to gender.

The IHIYC will carefully venture forth from the closet to feed or mate. Ever skittish, the IHIYC will creep out in the cover of darkness while others sleep.

It has no known predators and as the mating cycle is once every ten years, the IHIYC population is quite lowell.

While they can be a nuisance if found, some believe the IHIYC is ultimately beneficial to closets in general. All agree, however, that more study is needed.


Molten dragon is actually a baker whose specialty is chocolate molten cakes.


I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:
KenderKin works for the FUBAR.

Nope! Not me.


I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:
KenderKin works for the FUBAR.

Me neither...


It is, in fact, KenderKin who works for both Fubar and Snafu Fubar. Not that they know this.


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Ventnor works at the Foo Foo Fubar Bar, the finest bargain-basement Celestial poodle grooming parlour in all Sigil.


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Pulg is a satisfied customer of said grooming company....until celestial rats gnawed on his ears.....


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Celestial Rats is the name of KenderKin's Christian Punk band.


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Nannies From Heaven is the name of GoatToucher's burlesque troop, in which he dresses up as Mary Poppins. But not for long!

Scarab Sages

Know what Pulg likes? Pulg likes to drink.

What does Pulg like to drink? What Pulg likes to drink is ink.

What kind of ink does Pulg like to drink? The ink Pulg likes to drink is pink.

Dark Archive

I'm hiding In Your Closet's username is only relevant if you are Wil Wheaton


Harkevich is the homeliest vampire.

Liberty's Edge

Ventnor knows where the Gnomejoker is.


He is vengeance. He is the night. HE! IS! BATGNOME!

Scarab Sages

Ventnor provided the Batgnome with some of his(?) early training. Mostly tricks to do with gold and stuff - draconic martial arts don't carry over that well to gnomes, for the most part.


I'm Hiding In Your Closet totally isn't the Gnomejoker, what are you even talking about? That's crazy. You're crazy.


Ventnor is the Penguignome, or perhaps the Gnomepenguin, an even more horrifying cousin of the Owlbear.

Dark Archive

Pulg, like, is too busy riding the gravy train to focus on what really matters.

Dark Archive

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Disaffected Teenager was Happy Teenager until this brutal gravy-less world got to him.


Harkevitch decided to ride the gravy boat rather the gravy train, which is why he will never be invited to family Christmas dinners again.

Liberty's Edge

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Pulg is going off the rails on this gravy train!


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Lucky 7 is the undead version of Randy Rhodes...

Scarab Sages

KenderKin thinks German chocolate is wholly superior to the chocolate of any other nation. This has at times caused misunderstandings.


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If I'm Hiding In Your Closet isn't fed a baguette every hour on the hour, somewhere a beret and a fedora switch places.


Vetnor delivers that baguette to the closet in a single warm sock fresh from someone's dryer...


kenderkin actually has no kin that are kender, but he has ken that is kinder.


KG kens that Kinder Ken is kind of a dick.


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GoatToucher & Zoidberg, Attorneys at Law, will make sure you get the $5 settlement that you deserve!


Ventnor is known as Greyhawk's Mr Compensator - 'Where there's adventuring blame, there's an adventuring claim!'

Here's a testimonial from - WOW! - the archmage Mordenkainen!

"dere ser, i did go into the lare of iuz and he did a spel and the spel did make me slipp and i sprainened my ankul and it herted and i called greyhawks mistur compenserator ventnnoor and he gotted me 355657 cp and now my lief has changed in o so many ways. Yurs senceerly, the archmade eric morddenkainenenen"


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Pulg is Mordenkainen's Faithful Hound.

His True Name is Mordencaininen.


GT faithfully hounds those that escape his workroom.


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Molten Dragon and Ventnor are currently in a dragon war and we are all hapless pawns...

....save the goats, save the world!


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KenderKin used to provide an undergoat railroad to help goats that escaped GT's workroom make it back to their home clover fields full of dew and magic, until he realized GT had put in tracking chips, and the goats freedom was short lived.

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