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Managing the Man-Child


Advice

1 to 50 of 208 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | next > last >>

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

Recently, a fellow player, who used to fall asleep about 5-10 minutes into game has become more active during session.

I was happy at first, but quickly wished he was asleep, due to his abrupt, and child-like behavior.

Examples:
Smashing miniatures together, and proclaiming they are fighting.

Grabbing the dice tin, and violently drumming on it.

Throwing his character sheet upon the table, and proclaiming "Math is hard! Why does this game have so much stupid math!"

Consistently reminds players, and the DM, that their miniature does not match their character.

Announces that his PC is attacking a NPC, or performing some other strange action, and seconds later stating his PC is not performing the action.

---------

Now, I am not sure how to deal with this kind of behavior, and would not like to do anything particular drastic just yet.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of behavior?


11 people marked this as a favorite.

Kick.

Outside of Pathfinder, would you hang out with this person? If not, kick.

Cheliax

5 people marked this as a favorite.

Man, you normally seem to be a pretty solid, no-nonsense kind of person that does not suffer fools gladly.

So why in particular are you suffering this fool?


1 person marked this as a favorite.

He doesn't want to be there. Kick this fool.


Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

This is a friend of a friend situation. That makes it tricky.

After having to repair two miniatures, I have limited him to paper minis only.

I am not the DM, and if I can quell the behavior, I am willing to put up with him.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Card Game, Maps Subscriber

Are you the host? If not, you don't really have a leg to stand on here.

If you are, then have a frank talk with him. "You are acting like a child. <insert examples here> If you don't grow the hell up, I will to ask you not to come back. You have one session to adjust your behaviour and act your age."

Cheliax

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Ritalin!


You can not make someone grow up.

At best you can try to have a non-confrontational discussion with him.

"Look, it makes it hard for me to concentrate when you ar making alot of noise and repeating yourself."

If you don't want to do that, all you can do is decide if you can put up with it or not.

Sczarni

Bring a seperate TV tray to the games and keep all of your belongings on the seperate tray. Thats what I did. Make it very clear to him that this is your one chance a week to escape the stress of life and have some friends in good company, and he is harshing your buzz and interrupting your relaxation period. Do this in front of the table...most of the time it will give the other players and GM the courage to say something as well. Explain that it isn't a personal attack and you aren't kicking him out, but rather you'd like everyone to have a strees free, fun environment. Make sure he knows that if the math is hard you'd be happy to make him a chart of his modifiers to attacks and stuff so he can just reference the chart and do simple addition or subtraction (seriously this isn't calculus and even I know U+ME=US, duh).


Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

I am not the host.

I do provide the miniatures, maps, dungeon tiles, books, and donuts.

To put forth the idea of kicking him out, I need to make a strong case, and make it very evident that all other options were tried, and failed.

Sczarni

BTW why isn't your friend doing something about his behavior? Did you bring it up to your friend?

Cheliax

9 people marked this as a favorite.

Valium-filled donut.
Restore the previous status-quo.


Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

I brought it up, and that's why is now limited to paper minis.

I otherwise was told, "give him some time".


3 people marked this as a favorite.
blackbloodtroll wrote:

I am not the host.

I do provide the miniatures, maps, dungeon tiles, books, and donuts.

To put forth the idea of kicking him out, I need to make a strong case, and make it very evident that all other options were tried, and failed.

Make a video of him then. Make him a youtube sensation in the same way that Rebecca Black and the "Leave Britney Alone" guy are sensations.


How old is this guy? You say man-child, so my assumption is that he can’t be as young as he is acting. My initial reaction would be for you to confront him, privately, about the issues you are having with him. Perhaps there is more going on in his life than can easily be seen, and he is merely acting out because of it.

If that fails to yield results you should have a frank discussion with his friend to try and see if you can determine the cause of his behavior, or if it is merely who he is normally. Finally, if that fails, you should air your complaints with the rest of the group to determine if they feel the same way, and attempt to confront him together.

Outright trying to get him kicked, as others have suggested, seems like a harsh first route to pursue, but still may be something you have to keep in the back of your mind. If nothing else, I think you have done the right thing in making it harder for him to damage your property by forcing the paper minis on him.

Lantern Lodge

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Leave the donuts away, give him some vegetables instead. Probably he is on a sugar trip like bart Simpson from time to time.

Cinamon helps keeping blood sugar in check.


I had a similar problem in my group last year. New guy to the group, had been playing with us about 6 months... He was always controversial with the other players/PCs during gameplay. Most frustrating was his intentional irritating behavior of slamming his dice on the table before every roll. It continued even when we requested he stop. He was also a mooch, never (or VERY RARELY) contributing to our pot-luck style of game meals, not to mention his lack of transport to or from my house for the game that necessitated him asking for a ride each time we played. Eventually I gave him the what-for and booted him (I was host, not GM), but only the GM had any reservations about me doing so (and rightfully so especially since the GM was also the one who invited him). Admittedly I was in the middle of a crisis of my own (outside of the gaming group) and probably reacted too quickly & too harshly, but the frustration at the table disappeared immediately and gaming has been smooth ever since.

That being said, I would approach the subject diplomatically. Give him an opportunity to conform to the style of play your group is accustomed to, and see how he reacts. If he refuses to grow up, dust off your boots and give him the kick.


Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

He is 23, and has no mental, or emotional conditions, that anyone is aware of(I asked).

I have already written out the relevant math for his attack rolls.

His "math is hard" outburst was after the numbers were written out, and all was left was adding them to D20 rolls, and of course, rolling damage.


2 people marked this as a favorite.

For many children, puberty is a trying time, filled with conflicting impulses.


Hayato Ken wrote:

Leave the donuts away, give him some vegetables instead. Probably he is on a sugar trip like bart Simpson from time to time.

Cinamon helps keeping blood sugar in check.

Actually not a bad idea. +1

Silver Crusade

1 person marked this as a favorite.

It really looks like he doesn't want to be there.

Sczarni

3 people marked this as a favorite.

Honestly I'd just tell him straight up how it is.

"Your attitude and behavior has been unacceptable that reflects badly on <insert name of friend> that invited you to play with us. I liken your behavior to that of a tantrum throwing child and is disrupting the game and the rest of our relaxation time. I am going to ask you to control your outbursts and actions at this time, and if the problem persists I will find your home and kick your family pet to death."


Pathfinder Companion Subscriber
Hayato Ken wrote:

Leave the donuts away, give him some vegetables instead. Probably he is on a sugar trip like bart Simpson from time to time.

Cinnamon helps keeping blood sugar in check.

Sugar does not cause hyperactivity, and he does not actually eat any of them.

Besides, I love donuts.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

"Are you bored? 'Cause you're sure acting like it, and I wanna know why you keep coming here if that's the case."

Also, besides confronting him directly, which is definitely the way to go before trying anything else:

Talk to the GM and/or host about your concerns. I sincerely doubt you are the only person who is irritated by this guy's behavior. I know you said you need to "make a case" but -- looks like he makes his own case.

If his friend that is your friend is the one pushing for him to stay/for people to leave him be, talk to HIM -- ask him if he would put up with his friend disrupting his game or breaking his miniatures. And if he's been this guy's friend for a long time, ask him how HE asks him to chill out when he's overacting.


"Give him some time".

"I will. Call me when he acts older than five. I have other things to deal with than pretend autism."


Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

I hope to simply stop the behavior, and sit down with him seems a good approach.

The thing is, I am unsure if I should approach him as if he were an adult, or a child.

That sounds cruel, but it is a fact.

I also hope to limit the "confrontational" aspect, after his "wounded puppy" response to my disallowing his access to miniatures.

If it were a close friend of mine, this would not be an issue.

Silver Crusade

17 people marked this as a favorite.

He should definately lose his paladinhood.

(...sorry...wrong thread...)


blackbloodtroll wrote:


I do provide the...donuts.

Now I want to game with you...


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Companion Subscriber
Brox RedGloves wrote:
blackbloodtroll wrote:


I do provide the...donuts.

Now I want to game with you...

Well, in my other game, my DM provides exotic beers, and cheeses for tasting during mid-game break, and post game.

Him and I both find enjoyment in the happiness of those around us.


*shrug* Sit him down and talk to him like an adult by 23 most people can understand what they're told. Just tell him that he's being disruptive and annoying and that he needs to clean up his act.

If it doesn't work just stop providing all the gaming tools you bring because you're uncomfortable with the idea of letting an overgrown child mess around with your stuff. Chances are the DM will take more notice when he has to play without maps tiles and minis.


3 people marked this as a favorite.
blackbloodtroll wrote:
Brox RedGloves wrote:
blackbloodtroll wrote:


I do provide the...donuts.

Now I want to game with you...

Well, in my other game, my DM provides exotic beers, and cheeses for tasting during mid-game break, and post game.

Him and I both find enjoyment in the happiness of those around us.

Wow...clearly the man child is a karmic balancing force to the awesomeness of yourself and your dm. You will have to accept his behavior as the cost of your good manners, and interesting taste in table snacks. Without the disruptive player the sheer weight of the prosperity of your game would create a gaming black whole that would destroy all tabletop games.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Companion Subscriber
Kolokotroni wrote:
blackbloodtroll wrote:
Brox RedGloves wrote:
blackbloodtroll wrote:


I do provide the...donuts.

Now I want to game with you...

Well, in my other game, my DM provides exotic beers, and cheeses for tasting during mid-game break, and post game.

Him and I both find enjoyment in the happiness of those around us.

Wow...clearly the man child is a karmic balancing force to the awesomeness of yourself and your dm. You will have to accept his behavior as the cost of your good manners, and interesting taste in table snacks. Without the disruptive player the sheer weight of the prosperity of your game would create a gaming black hole that would destroy all tabletop games.

I honestly cannot tell if you are being sarcastic.


I do believe your LAST chance if this behavior is approved (even silently approved) of the rest of the group is to stay away. This is hard if you like the other guys, and your game, but it can be the eyeopener that a "good" player don't want to come and have his evenings ruined...

This is mainly a viable option since you do have other group(s) you play with...


blackbloodtroll wrote:
Brox RedGloves wrote:
blackbloodtroll wrote:


I do provide the...donuts.

Now I want to game with you...

Well, in my other game, my DM provides exotic beers, and cheeses for tasting during mid-game break, and post game.

Him and I both find enjoyment in the happiness of those around us.

...What kind of exotic beers and cheeses?


Wow where are you people and can I come play lol. I will bring homemade baked goods and pastas and soups......


Sounds like a case of ADHD to me. My wives a teacher and sees the kind of behaviour all the time.


Why not make everyone responsible for their own mini and dice? As a GM I have gotten tired of providing all of that. Not fair especially if they are destroying your property.


Pathfinder Companion Subscriber
rpgsavant wrote:
blackbloodtroll wrote:
Brox RedGloves wrote:
blackbloodtroll wrote:


I do provide the...donuts.

Now I want to game with you...

Well, in my other game, my DM provides exotic beers, and cheeses for tasting during mid-game break, and post game.

Him and I both find enjoyment in the happiness of those around us.

...What kind of exotic beers and cheeses?

We try something new every week. Some are pricier than others, but we use small portions, as it is a tasting. Sometimes we will bring homebrewed beer.


Pathfinder Companion Subscriber
Shalafi2412 wrote:
Why not make everyone responsible for their own mini and dice? As a GM I have gotten tired of providing all of that. Not fair especially if they are destroying your property.

I enjoy being able to provide, and up until these recent incidents, everyone has been respectful of my things.


I second the idea that I want to go to that group. Though i can not offer backed goods as no one would want to eat something I bake. So I am at a loss as to what to offer since exotic beers are already covered.

-edit- jokes aside it sound like a wonderful group dynamic and its sad this guy is hurting that. Sadly I have no good advice to give.


wiki entry below for ADHD symptoms are very similar and does happen in adults but only rarely. Knowing this it might help to deal with it more.

Predominantly inattentive type symptoms as listed by the U.S. National Institute of Mental Health may include:[28]
Be easily distracted, miss details, forget things, and frequently switch from one activity to another
Have difficulty maintaining focus on one task
Become bored with a task after only a few minutes, unless doing something enjoyable
Have difficulty focusing attention on organizing and completing a task or learning something new or trouble completing or turning in homework assignments, often losing things (e.g., pencils, toys, assignments) needed to complete tasks or activities
Not seem to listen when spoken to
Daydream, become easily confused, and move slowly
Have difficulty processing information as quickly and accurately as others
Struggle to follow instructions.

Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive type symptoms may include:[28]
Fidget and squirm in their seats
Talk nonstop
Dash around, touching or playing with anything and everything in sight
Have trouble sitting still during dinner, school, and story time
Be constantly in motion
Have difficulty doing quiet tasks or activities

and also these manifestations primarily of impulsivity:[28]
Be very impatient
Blurt out inappropriate comments, show their emotions without restraint, and act without regard for consequences
Have difficulty waiting for things they want or waiting their turns in games

Osirion

blackbloodtroll wrote:


Well, in my other game, my DM provides exotic beers, and cheeses for tasting during mid-game break, and post game.

Him and I both find enjoyment in the happiness of those around us.

When I was young and had money I used to show up to games with a gallon of cider, a block of aged chedder, a roll of sausage, and a box or Ritz.

These days, I'm lucky to afford metro fare and a soda.


Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

This is not a player in our "beer tasting" group.

Those are a much more civilized bunch, and have been gaming with them much longer.


Pathfinder Companion Subscriber
Artanthos wrote:
blackbloodtroll wrote:


Well, in my other game, my DM provides exotic beers, and cheeses for tasting during mid-game break, and post game.

Him and I both find enjoyment in the happiness of those around us.

When I was young and had money I used to show up to games with a gallon of cider, a block of aged chedder, a roll of sausage, and a box or Ritz.

These days, I'm lucky to afford metro fare and a soda.

I am right there. This is why in this group, I provide Donuts.

Cheaper.


blackbloodtroll wrote:
rpgsavant wrote:
blackbloodtroll wrote:
Brox RedGloves wrote:
blackbloodtroll wrote:


I do provide the...donuts.

Now I want to game with you...

Well, in my other game, my DM provides exotic beers, and cheeses for tasting during mid-game break, and post game.

Him and I both find enjoyment in the happiness of those around us.

...What kind of exotic beers and cheeses?
We try something new every week. Some are pricier than others, but we use small portions, as it is a tasting. Sometimes we will bring homebrewed beer.

i approve. personally i cook (though i'm not particularly good, but hey, free home-cooked food) something for the party to bring to the game--coincidentally i also tend to play characters with ranks in profession(cook) and the like, and whip out some real food for when we take breaks. or chip in for chinese or something if i don't have any prep time.

personally i'd tell the guy to chill out and ask why he's so bored and disruptive, with the other party members present. i mean, you guys all get together to have fun, and this guy doesn't seem to be having any. more time or no, this might not be the thing for him.


Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

I would like for the player to enjoy himself, but not at the cost of other player's enjoyment, including my own.


We used to run a game store game where we'd have a potluck. We'd bring in queso, pinwheels, chips and dip, veggie trays, cookies, pies, etc. It was quite a spectacle for the other regulars. Now we have a home game and do lunch sometimes.


Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

By the way, I do not have the authority, or necessary education, to diagnose something like ADHD.

Cheliax

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Well, you have two options. Spend a number of years going back to school in order to obtain the necessary credentials to diagnose this player and have a strong medical reason for his antics...

...or, have a frank, open discussion with him and the group, together, in order to resolve the issue.

I'm still firmly in favor of the valium-donut idea, regardless.


Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

Working out the timing, and necessary number, and/or severity, of infractions, prior to confrontation is tricky.

Many of the players in this group, are people I have not gamed with for long.

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