Spellmanteau


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Bear Grylls' Endurance - One touched creature can survive for one day/level drinking only his own urine.

Blinding Ray Romano - A beam of energy travels through time, space, and dimensions to sear the eyes of an aging comedian to great comedic effect.

Book Ward Bond - One tome is protected from theft and damage by a celestial gunslinger.

Cure Moderate Political Beliefs - Causes Neutral character to shift one place on the alignment continuum for 1d4 hours +1/3 lvls. Roll 1d10: 1-5 Chaotic, 6-10, Lawful


The Darkness - All targets in a 10' radius must make a Will save or believe in a thing called Love.

Death Nell Carter - Kills dying creature, summoning an undead star of 1980's musicals and television.

Defending Jeff Smith's Seminal Graphic Novel Bone - +10 enhancement bonus to Performance: Oratory when extolling the virtues of graphic novels as a legitimate art form.

Disfiguring Douche - When asked "Do you even lift, Brah?" mystical energies cause all of a target's sleeve tattoos to burn away, causing 1d8 fire damage per arm, plus 1d4-1 Charisma damage.


Smeagol's Splendor - Target makes a Fort save or looses all but 1d4 teeth.

Lifetime Channel - Caster expends one use of Channel energy ability. Targets in area must make a Will save. Paladins and mothers are Fascinated for 1d2 hours. All other targets are Nauseated for the same amount of time.

Status Update - Monitors condition, position, recent meals of allies.

Scarab Sages

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Boll's Strength - subject becomes as soft as cotton.

Cab's Grace - subject becomes adept at weaving through traffic.

Beer's Endurance - subject feels like they've received a +4 bonus to Constitution, but not really.

FOX's Cunning - subject gains a +10 bonus on all skill checks made to influence stupid people.

Ow's Wisdom - subject gains experience points for failing Reflex saves.

McTeagle's Splendor - subject becomes Poet Laureate of Scotland.


summon mobster- conjures one of my family

Scarab Sages

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Lightning Dolt - subject receives the benefits of a haste spell when taking stupid actions.

Dimensional Anchorman - brings today's top news stories everywhere from Hell to Elysium straight to YOU!

Christian Baleful Polymorph - You're Batman.

Interposing Rand - summons a capitalist ideologue to prevent the passage of even the most basic environmental/humanitarian legislation.

Animate Thread - What I did.


Lightening Bolt - Counters the effects of Gravity Bow.


Accept Afflecktion - Caster gains +10 competence bonus on the use of the Performance skill using his own original material. Suffers a -5 penalty when performing the material of others. Permanent until dispelled.

Argonize - Target doesn't react.

Aggravate Afflecktion - Target is affected as by spell Rage and is overwhelmed by thoughts of how much more successful and admired his close friends are.

Blessing of the Mole' - 1 ally/level gains darkvision, a rich, creamy texture, and chocolate overtones. Target is also a good accompaniment to enchiladas.


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Blindness/Deafness/Whackness - Makes subject blinded, deafened, or played out.

Borrow Four Tuna - 'Nuff said.

Chain of Curdition - Creates a floating chain of cheese.

Continual Flame War - Caster makes a controversial statement (Paladins shouldn't be limited to lawful good./Monks are the worst class./Rogues aren't that bad.) All creatures within earshot begin arguing for 1 rnd/lvl. Inability to speak a common language is not an obstacle.


Deadly Juggs: Or not. - //description redacted//

Delay Poison - Prevents use of Performance: Hair Metal for 1 hour/2 lvls.

Shadow Lodge

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anime'd dead- zombies in the area get big eyes and exaggerated features

Scarab Sages

Solid Frog - summons a cardboard box-loving commando named Kermit.

Shadow Lodge

Summon monster fun- makes all hostile creatures start dancing and being friendly

Liberty's Edge

Cure Lightsaber Wounds-Regrows hands, legs, that sort of thing.

Shadow Lodge

cure smite wounds- heals any injury caused by a paladin

Scarab Sages

Chaim Lightning - deals 1d6 electrical damage/level to all wine bottles and glasses in area, magnetically separates meat from fish, and levitates chairs.

Shadow Lodge

mordenkainens magnified mansion- so you get an extra good close-up look at my fancy house

Scarab Sages

No Fear - creatures in area must save or get an ugly T-shirt from the 1990s.

Horrid Tilting - rotates enemies in area 1d6 degrees sideways/level.

Poehler Ray - makes 1d6 questionable Nickelodeon/Pixar films/level.

Scarab Sages

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Recalling that this thread is about portmanteaus....

United Colors Spray - enemies in cone are stunned by controversial advertisements.

Blood & Magic Money - use your basal golems (or earnings from an unpopular early game) to create material components for more powerful creatures (or much more successful games).

London Fog Cloud - high-end trench coats surround you.

Stone of Scone Call - enrages 2d6 Scots in area.

Magic Smashmouth - Hey, now you're an all-star!

Shadow Lodge

Cure wight wounds- only heals damage caused by undead


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Pathfinder Rulebook Subscriber

Hideous Laughter is the best medicine = Heal 1d8+5 per round of laughing.


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Create Pit Stain: Embarrasses target with damp circles centered on underarms. No effect on fighters, since it's pretty much their natural state.

Scarab Sages

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Create Pita: Conjures an edible bag of holding.


Pathfinder Rulebook Subscriber

Create Water Closet: Creates a small medium creature sized box with a privy that will hold 1 gallon of waste/ level.


Pathfinder Rulebook Subscriber

Acid Splashdance: Cover self in a glistening viscous fluid that deals no damage, but grants a +2 competence bonus to Performance (Dance).

Scarab Sages

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Lucky Charm Monster - conjures a golem or ooze made of colorful marshmallows.

Inflict Critical Thinking Wounds - Channels these people.

Ear-Piercing of The Scream - Conjure a souvenir from the Oslo National Gallery.

Touch of Internal Combustion - as breath of life, but only on automobiles.

Passive-Aggressive Thundercloud - Flying storm cloud appears that it's about to deal 3d6 electrical damage, but stops short of actually doing so and insists it wasn't even doing anything, jeez!

Shadow Lodge

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hold and caress person- paralyzes target and activates a Grasping Hand effect

Shadow Lodge

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Power Word: Kill La Kill: all creatures in a 30 foot radius gain a bonus equal to 2 times their charisma modifier on all checks and as a deflection bonus to AC, provided they strip down naked.

Scarab Sages

Polar Midnight Society - deals cold damage, makes You Afraid Of The Dark.

These Infernal Machines Healing - grants you fast healing for 1 minute, or deals damage to luddites.

Hex Montgomery Ward - places a curse on target department store.

Silver Crusade

Pathfinder Lost Omens, Rulebook Subscriber

Wood Warpdrive - Hyper accelerate wooden object with enough force to destroy a planet.

Blink and You'll Miss It - Target blinks, and does not perceive one swift action performed by another character.


One More Time Stop - Time stops for the caster for 5 minutes and 20 seconds. During this time, the Daft Punk song plays and the caster can do nothing but dance on the spot. The celebration removes any morale or other emotion-based penalties affecting the caster. If there are no such penalties affecting the caster, all his morale bonuses are increased by 1 for 1 round after the song ends.

As an immediate action before the spell ends, the caster can extend the spell by another 5 minutes and 20 seconds. The Daft Punk song plays one more time.

Shadow Lodge

Beacon of Up All Night To Get Lucky: Touched object levitates, starts glowing and plays the Daft Punk song for 1 minute/character level. all characters within 25 feet gain a +5 luck bonus to AC and saving throwsthe next morning, provided that they get no rest that night.

Shadow Lodge

Defect Poison: One poisonous object within your line of sight becomes defective, causing a product recall.

Shadow Lodge

Continual Frame: A picture frame appears around the touched object and remains there permanently.


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Wonderwall of Illusion - An illusory screen appears obscuring vision. On the illusory screen is the image of several young adults playing curious-looking musical instruments. Any creature passing through the wall triggers one of the following effects (determined randomly by rolling a d8):

1. Any item or ammunition thrown or dropped by the target in the last round is thrown back at the target, using the same modifiers or the caster's level + casting stat for the attack bonus and dealing the item's damage + the caster's casting stat. If there are no such items, a random item from the target's past is conjured and thrown at it, dealing a damage of 1d8 with the aforementioned attack bonus and modifers.
2. The target realises what he's gotta do - and gains a +2 insight bonus to a single dice roll that round.
3. The fire in the target's heart goes out - he needs to make a fort save at the spell's DC or become exhausted
4. The target's heard it all before and never had a doubt - he gains a +4 insight bonus on all knowledge skill checks and +2 morale bonus on all other skill checks for 3 rounds.
5. All the roads the target walks are winding - for the next 3 rounds, the target cannot move in any direction that he moved in earlier that round until he spends a total of 30ft of movement in any other direction (basically for any block of 30ft of the target's movement in one round, no 2 steps can be in the same direction).
6. The target is blinded by the nearest light source in front of it- save vs blindness.
7. Target is teleported to a random Oasis on the same world.
8. Reroll the D8 twice, ignoring any further 8s rolled. If 2 7s are rolled, the target is teleported to a random Oasis on any world.


Hold Pi$$-in: Allows target to avoid nature's call for 1 day/lvl.

Shadow Lodge

Tragic Weapon- Weapon touched begins to tell sad stories, if the wielder fails a will save it is affected by Crushing Despair. If the wielder is a bard, it can roll a Craft (calligraphy) or Profession (scribe) check against the spell's save DC to record what the weapon is saying, if the check succeeds, everything the weapon has said is recorded on a piece of parchment that can be sold as the scrip for a play for 100GP X every 3 points that the bard passed the skill check's DC.

Shadow Lodge

Pelvic Mind Thrust I-V: This functions as Mind Thrust and can be undercast as such, but requires somatic components that can only be performed if the wearer isn't wearing anything other than pants in the leg magic item slots.

Shadow Lodge

Detect Knievel: All stunt artists within 50 feet are immediately revealed.

Scarab Sages

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Burning Hands Across America - deals 5d4 fire damage in a 14,784,000-foot line.

Shadow Lodge

Going Down Down Down, The Ring Of Wall Of Fire- A Wall of Fire surrounds the target as a Create Pit spell activates on the ground below the target.

Shadow Lodge

Eagle's Splenda- Conjure 1 packet of sugar substitute/level, all packets of sugar substitute are delivered by advanced celestial eagles.

Shadow Lodge

Rainbow Of Fatigue- Strangely tiring prismatic light jumps above the character, subjecting it to 1 Ray Of Fatigue per round.

Shadow Lodge

Summon Nature's Alley I-IX- Create 1 passageway between 2 buildings.

Scarab Sages

Animate Ropa Vieja - turns braised and shredded beef into an ooze-like undead monstrosity.

Kirk Fogg Cloud - conceals hidden temples and their treasures.

Summon Shawarma - conjures a trendy, but not actually all that interesting, lunch.

Keep Calm and Carrion Compass - you keep a stiff upper lip as you are led to today's bombing raid victims.

Haunting Gorillas in the Mists - creatures are shaken, take Wisdom damage, and get beaten to a pulp by embattled gorillas.


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Jump to Your Left:: then a step to your right
Spectral Hands on Your Hips: Bring your knees in tight!

But it's a

Black Powder Chocobo wrote:
Sonic Pelvic Thrust: SCHWING!

That really drives you insane!

Let's do the Time Warp Stop again!

Shadow Lodge

Color Spray Paint- A cone-shaped burst of paintballs fly from your hands, covering everything in the area with paint that imposes a -15 penalty on stealth and disguise checks.

Silver Crusade

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Pathfinder Lost Omens, Rulebook Subscriber

SpellClash: Target loses 3rd level Punk Rock song.
Welcome to Goodberry, Home of the Goodberry: Conjures 1d4 Goodberries, but you target must go through comedic sketch to get them.
Curse, Major 1st Class: Inflicts a terrible 4 year geas-like curse on one military professional, but they get a promotion!


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Tango and Acid Splash: take 1d3 acid and grow a feathered mullet.

Scarab Sages

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Chill Touchscreen - target iPhone deals cold damage to anyone who tries to use it.

Dancing Queen Lantern - animates lantern that has the time of its life.

Tom DeLay Poison - target government must save or be infested with fascist crooks.

False Life Cereal - enchants food to make it irresistible to people named Mikey.

Ray of Ms. Frost - if target fails to detect the poison trap, you pronounce them DEAD!

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