Things you don't want to (but often do) hear the Dungeon Master say:


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Things you don’t want to (but often do) hear the Dungeon Master say:
1) “You don’t find any traps.”
2) “I guess you could go ahead and try to make a perception check.”
3) “You don’t hear any Goblins, but at the same time, they don’t hear you either.”
4) In response to the question, “Does it have Damage Resistance?” “You should try to hit it and find out.”
5) “What’s your touch AC again?”


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6. "How much HP do you have?"

7. "Yeah, that's a fail."

8. "Oh boy!"

9. "Ouch."

10. "Rolling to confirm."


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11. Are you sure that's what you want to do?


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"He hits, and ... I will need more dice"


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My favourite to say after a search check on a chest or door. "You don't detect the trap." even if there is no trap.


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14. "What's your AC? Wait, nevermind."


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15. "Your knowledge check fails. No, you don't know what that is."


16. "You take X damage. And no, you didn't see what hit you."


17. "The monster takes its turn. Next in initiative..."

(Great mood-builder suggestion from Savage Tide forum. Drives players mad.)

Lantern Lodge

18/19/20. "Roll a (Fort/Ref/Will) Saving Throw" and you don't know why.

The Exchange

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21. Hehe.. Hehehe... Heheha.. Hehahaha.. Hahahaha... HAHAHAHAHAHA!!


22. "I think I might have set a new record here."

Scarab Sages

23. Aww man, how long did it take you to make a new character last time?


24: "No, that was just the first attack."

25: "That save passed. Oh wait, I forgot to add one to the DC."


23)
**Rolls dice behind DM screen**

"Uh oH."


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27. "Roll for SAN."


"What's your flatfooted touch AC?"


29. "You didn't say you were looking up when you entered, right?"


30. "No save."


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31. "Damn I'm rolling well tonight!"


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens Subscriber

32. "Hmmm...Interesting." Usually followed by quick scribbling in a notebook or behind the GM screen.

34. "OK - the evil wizard/cleric spell goes off. Let me get my extra dice for this one."


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35. (My players hate this one.) "I didn't know it could do that..."


36. "Oh. Sorry, misread that. Yes, you are within range."


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37. "You crit the monster...oh wait let me roll miss chance..."


37. "Aught-one, best possible result. How do you think "death from the loss of your soul" can be made better?" ^__^

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32

To one of my players, it's usually

38. "You already used that potion/spell two rounds ago."


39. "Ok...guys..."
40. "Time to roll falling damage...clatter clatter clatter"


Transylvanian Tadpole wrote:

To one of my players, it's usually

38. "You already used that potion/spell two rounds ago."

With potions and stuff, the Pathfinder item cards are really helpful.


41. PC's- "We open the door."
GM- <Big, BIG grin,...>


42. Everything goes black.

43. You wake up and you have none of your equipment.

44. The party wakes up and realizes someone is missing.

45. How long did you say you take to do that?


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46. (Usually after players panicking out loud over a monster the recognizes' ability) Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me.


47. Huh, the stat block's math is off on the low side ... glad I caught that. *scribbles*

48. You guys did pack food and water, right?

49. Guess it's time to get acquainted with the drowning rules.

50. Too bad the flavor text omitted that detail.

51. Nat 1, oooh that's bad.

52. Did you just say "Hastur" three times?

53. Sadly, the "swingers' club" is a front for a cult of Shub-Niggurath... as you just foun out after booting open the door into the basement sanctum.

54. How's your SAN score looking?

55. While listening with your ear pressed to the door, you feel a sharp pain in your ear.

56. That bowl of pistachio pudding was not really pudding...

57. The good news is that everyone was carrying their own light source. The bad news is...

58. The Red Folder is always available, gentle critters. Just reach in and pull out a new blank character sheet.

59. The male human grapples your portly wizard and whispers in his ear: "You look just like a hog."

60. [In character] "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!!"

61. You really should have rested first.

62. This is going to hurt.

63. [From me as the GM] "I am Dr. Carver. This my associate, Mr. Joshua."

64. You know that leeches have an anesthetic bite, right?

65. You wake up dead.

66. You remember that beggar you nearly beat to death? He has friends and they look a mite angry.

67. Those almond pastries the [sneaky character] chowed down on don't seem to be agreeeing with him...

68. As it turns out wolfsbane is highly poisonous. Too bad you hadn't contracted lycanthropy like you thought.

69. You know cop cars have dashboard-mounted cameras, right?

70. Maybe the Girl Scout at the door is just a Girl Scout ... or maybe she's not ...


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Malafaxous wrote:
My favourite to say after a search check on a chest or door. "You don't detect the trap." even if there is no trap.

I like to say "[PC name] is reasonably sure there are no traps." or "So far as [PC name] can tell, there are no traps."

Now and then players snark back to me about it. :)

Sovereign Court

71. How many HPs have you got left again?


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Player: "My fighter attacks"Rolls high on his attack roll.

GM: "Thats a miss."

Player: It hasn't gone yet don't forget its flat-footed.

Gm: I was looking at Flat-footed AC.

Dark Archive

Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Something I often say to my players and it drives them nuts.

Roll a D20, don't worry why.

Sczarni RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32

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73. After a player asks if they can do something: "I don't know, can you?"


74. Did you bring your backup character with you?


75. "Well, I think that (rule/ability that your character revolves around) should work this way...

76. Before the game starts, "The DM is god."


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77. "Let me tell you about 1s"


78. Sorry i cant make it this week.


79. Do you really think arguing with me is going to change my mind?


80 'Thank you, [insert name of PC]! '
81 'Interesting ... '


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82. "I didn't think I'd get to use this today."


83. Oh, you won't like this.... ( staring at the stat block)
84. No, that is not only paralytic slime.
85. Swarms. Always a pleasure
86. You brought a six-sided box, your size ?
87. You have the unexplainable feeling of being watched...
88. Yes, that is a tentacle. (also very funny if you actually ARE in character^^)
89. Yes, that octopus does have more than one attack...
90. Yes, actually, there is a soot stain in front of the door...
91. This is gonna be...interesting.

and, recently, in reply to the ever popular "how is my character" : "Flat ?"


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92. Sometimes our GM starts singing "someone's gonna get eaten,"


93. That isn't how I understand the rules.


94. Coup de Grace.

95. Does it hurt? Does it? GOOD!!


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96. That was you last "Touch of Luck" use for the day?
97. You can't Summon Monsters in the air and drop them as bombs.


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98. "Let me see your character sheet."

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