Things you don't want to hear the party necromancer say.


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1. "If you lose any limbs in the upcoming battle, don't fear. Your unfortunate dismemberment will not be in vain."

2. In response to, "Is anyone missing any body parts?", the necromancer says, "I have more than I started with!"

The Exchange

3. "Need a hand?"
4. "An Eye for an Eye, if you know what I mean."

The Exchange

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5. In response to, "I can't feel my legs.", the necromancer says, "I can."

Grand Lodge

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6. "Hmm. One wight too many."


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7. "Waste not want not".


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8. Hmm, the king wants us to attend a royalball. Guess i have to go dig up a date.


9. "Go Egor! Bring me a pillow!"


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10. "If you see anyone with torches and pitchforks, I was never here."

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11. "What I do isn't evil...*rambling philosophical monologue or angst*"

Liberty's Edge

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"What we have here...is a failure to ressuciate".

Scarab Sages

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13. Did I ever tell you how I met your mom.


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14. "I don't know why you're complaining. He's just as articulate as he ever was, and a lot more agreeable this way to boot."


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See? You don't have to be breathing to contribute. Reduce, re-use, recycle!


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16. "Oops."


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16. "Good boy, good boy... Fetch! No! Bad doggie! Bad!"

Silver Crusade

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18) "Animate's just as good, right?"

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18. That's a nice head on your shoulders. May I borrow it?
19. It's 'Frahn-ken-steen'.
20. ...and the hip bone is connected to the thigh bone...

Silver Crusade

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22. Are you going to eat that?


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21. I'm not doing this pro-bono...


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23. "Who wants to live forever?"


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24. You have exquisite bone structure


25. "Die"


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26. Our cleric friend has run out of spells but worry not. I shall get you on your feet again.


26a. Or perhaps his feet. We was quite a fleet fellow before you cut him down.

Shadow Lodge

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27. "I can fix it."


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"Oh... I didn't expect THAT to... nevermind, it shouldn't cause any SERIOUS problems."


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29. RUN NOW, TALK LATER!
30. Do You remember when you said you didn't think I could control that many? Well...
31. Need someone to spar with?


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32. {Gestures to undead servant} "This is Chumley. He's been in my family for... AGES."

One of the options discussed (and rejected) in my upcoming Kingmaker campaign was a necromancer, with a skeleton as his familiar. This line came up.


33. "Wow, control undead is a seventh level spell? Dang."
34. "So, turns out these undead I'm supposed to control are flesh golems."

(I laughed out loud at #30. Then I decided to rip it off, apparently.)


35. We can clean it up, we only need a ghoul.


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36. "It's my time to cook again?"


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37. "OOOOOOOOOO a sale on black onyx gems!"


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38. "Oh goodie, the only ingredient left to collect for the create litch potion is the still beating heart of a good aligned human... did I say that out loud?"

39. "I'm sure it's just a rash and has nothing to do with that mummy I created"

40. "I'm telling you these nuggets are not made of chicken..."

41. "dead wenches never say no"

42. "The girls I date moan rather often"

43. "I cant go because I've got a date tonight... oh and can I borrow your shovel?"

44. "they were dead when I found them... now not so much"


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This is a great thread! Thanks for starting it! :-)

Dark Archive

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45- "...those aren't my zombies"
46- "no, no one stole the roast chicken it walked away"..."yes i had something to do with it"
47-"oh i see what i did, its an intelligent undead"
48-"so you didn't feel a sudden chill? alright better look else where i guess"
49-"i have a perfect way for you to lose weight"


50. I just found the birthing chambers! (In a city)


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51. Welcome back!

Shadow Lodge

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52. "When the archon [or other goodly critter of your choice] shows up, I was here the whole time."


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53: 'If you could be any type of undead...what type would you pick? And it can't be vampires...everybody picks that type.'


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54. My god, this is a boring funeral.

The Exchange

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55. "The cleric's down. Here, let me help."


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56. Who wants baby back ribs?


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57. So you're saying when they pay us by head, the heads still have to be attached to a neck?

Silver Crusade

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57. "Wait, vampires aren't supposed to sparkle?"

The Exchange

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58. Aw, man. They cremate here.
59. Send the fighter in first, there won't be any traps. Hehe.
60. In response to "I can't breath." The necromancers says "Just a little more time... Come on..."


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61. I don't care if the lord wants his stuffed dodo back, it's walking around and sentient now. He can't have it.
62. Now if I put the fireball here then I'll hit Fredrick (skeletal frilled lizard) but if I put it over there, then I just hit the druid. None of you liked him either, right?


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>staring glassy-eyed at horde of obnoxious amphibians<

"I SWEAR, it was a scroll for possession at half-price: magic jar jar..."


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62. Don't worry, I have a plan.


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63. Necro. "I call dibs on their arms."
Fighter "But you don't know how to use a greatsword."
Necro. "I'm not talking about their weapons.'

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