Paizo Top Nav Branding
  • Hello, Guest! |
  • Sign In |
  • My Account |
  • Shopping Cart |
  • Help/FAQ
About Paizo Messageboards News Paizo Blog Help/FAQ
Pathfinder Roleplaying Game
Pathfinder Society

Pathfinder Beginner Box

Pathfinder Adventure Card Game

Pathfinder Comics

Pathfinder Legends

The Official JMD031 Rant Thread


Off-Topic Discussions

1 to 50 of 1,254 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | next > last >>

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Welcome to the official thread where I, JMD031, will not only be reposting my now imfamous rants but also will be producing new ones for you to enjoy.

Since these were originally posted in the "Do Not Reply to This Thread" thread (this is not a time for jokes) I will encourage others to post here much like they posted there. If anything it will give me fuel for further rants.

So enjoy, and if you don't like my rants you can (expletive deleted) a (redacted).


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

This first rant was a short one and one that was probably the most random. It's about Space Weasels and was suggested by TOZ.

JMD031 wrote:

I live in a semi-rural environment. Semi-rural meaning that I'm not out in BFE, but I don't live in the big city. Some people may call it the Suburbs but those people can go (expletive deleted) themselves. Now it just so happens that I have a small garden in my backyard, nothing spectacular mind you just a small assortment of herbs. For a good while now, I've had no problems with my garden and I've had some nice home-made spices to use when I cook. But recently, something has been happening to my herbs. They're coming up missing, or trampled on, or even discolored. The culprit? Space weasels. That's right, (expletive deleted) Space weasels. "How can you be so sure?" you might ask. Well, shut up a minute and I'll tell you. You see, I thought long and hard about this for about 5 minutes and it occurred to me that at night some weird things have been going on recently. There are strange lights coming from outside and my clock radio is picking up weird signals. Not to mention the tiny foot prints on my back porch. I'm telling you its down right spooky. Sounds crazy? Well, you go ahead and don't believe me if you want to, but I'll be sitting here in my basement with my tin foil hat and shotgun loaded for when those (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted) space weasels come to (expletive deleted) all of us.

Tune in tomorrow when I rant about World of Warcraft.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

This next rant was about World of Warcraft. It's funny because as I'm re-reading it, I've noticed that while the initial "anger" about the expansion has gone down nothing has really changed except how they were doing the Beta which is pretty much allowing everybody the chance to play it. Whatever, enjoy.

JMD031 wrote:

World of Warcraft? More like World of Borecraft. If I wanted to do the same repetitive boring thing for hours on end I'll go watch reruns of As the Paint Dries. Don't get me wrong, I'm two years clean. Isn't that sad? I'm talking about quitting the game as if I'm a recovering addict, but that's another rant. One of the things I hated most about the game was the superiority complex people would get about it. "Your gearscore isn't high enough for this raid that's obviously going to fail because we care about imaginary numbers more than player skill" or "This game was better back in vanilla where when things were much harder and the fights weren't just different variations of the same concepts just with different polygons". On that last note, how many fights can you conceivably come up with that amount to "don't stand in the fire" and yet still have people fail these time and time again. Another thing I hated about the game was that after you reached max level you were practically forced to either join a raiding guild or PvP, because there was nothing to do but *shudder* dailies. Who thought this was a good idea? "Let's have all the players do the most boring, menial 'quests' we can come up with for the sole purpose of *snicker* (air quotes) making money". Seriously, these (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted) really grinded my gears. So now they have announced a new expansion, keeping in mind they have yet to release the final content for their current expansion, and what do they come up with? PANDAS. That's right, (expletive deleted) pandas. Really? I mean out of all of the things they could have added to the game at this point...Pandas. How do you go from having people fight Deathwing the Destroyer to introducing Pandas to the game. This isn't just jumping the proverbial shark, this is more like parachuting into the shark's mouth while waving around a flag that says, "Go (expletive deleted) yourself fans!" Now, they (I'm refusing to call them by name for fear of summoning one of thier evil minions) are telling us that this is something that fans have been wanting for a while, which I will give them, but that was like two expansions ago. I mean lets really look at this, you go from 'vanilla' to BC and fighting Demons to Wrath of the Lich King where you fight...the (expletive deleted) Lich King to Cataclysm where you fight a (expletive deleted) super pissed off Dragon/God to messing around on some (expletive deleted) island because ???. I'm guessing that they are so busy with thier new pet project 'Titan' that they have decided to just let WoW die. Truth be told, I could go on, but I just realized I spent way to much time ranting about this (expletive deleted) game that not only to I no longer play, but I couldn't even be bribed into playing at this point.

Tune in tomorrow for when I rant about...airplane disasters? Seriously? Because let me....no, not until tomorrow.

It should be noted that this was the first time I decided how I was going to end all of the rants. A preview of things to come in a way, was how I looked at it.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

The next rant was about airplane disasters. It was here that I started to realize that I likely wouldn't be able to keep up the pace I had originally set for myself. Mainly because I started to question how funny the rant was. I now know why Dave Chappelle quit his show.

JMD031 wrote:

So today I'm suppossed to talk about airplane disasters. Want to know what the real disaster is? Paying (expletive deleted) $75 for your luggage to fly with you. Let me ask you something, how is it that it costs any more for one piece of luggage to travel under the plane than it does for you to fly inside it? Now I'm no engineer, but if the plane can lift X amount of weight every single time and will likely spend the same amount of fuel to do so every single time, it stands to reason that it doesn't cost that much more to fly an empty plane that it would to fly a completely full one. Does your automobile expend more fuel when you cart your friends around or your groceries? Not (expletive deleted) likely. And while we are talking about airplane disasters, why is that everytime one of these (expletive deleted) things fall out of the sky it makes national news YET is still considered one of the "safest" methods of travel? I don't know about any of you, but if I was on a flight to Seattle for say Paizocon, and the (expletive deleted) thing went down, I would be madder than Freehold DM at a Joss Whedon fan club convention. Truth be told, from where I live it would pretty much cost the same amount for me to just drive there with the only difference is the amount of wear and tear I would put on my car. Speaking of airplane crashes making the news, what the (expletive deleted) makes it news? I think it is some morbid curiousity we have with stuff that crashes, which explains why the (expletive deleted) NASCAR is so (expletive deleted) popular. How often do you drive to work and wonder why the traffic is slowed down to find out that there was an accident IN THE OTHER DIRECTION. (Expletive deleted) that (expleteive deleted) me off. If I seriously wanted to know about death and destruction I would just move to some inner city location and hang a sign outside my door with enough racial slurs to (expletive deleted) off everyone. News isn't that anymore. It is all about the shock and awe....but I'm getting off-topic. What was I ranting about? Oh right, airplane disasters. Who picked this topic, because its not a very good one. What the (expletive deleted) were you expecting me to rant about? (Expletive deleted) this, I'm done.

Tune in tomorrow for another fun filled rant about The Euro Currancy Crisis....seriously? Man, who came up with this (expletive deleted)?


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

This rant was one I wasn't really happy with. It was just very meh. It didn't have any bite to it, but I also think that had a lot to do with me trying to force the issue. It is after this one that I decide to not pressure myself and just let the rants flow from within. Anyways, here is this one about the Euro Currancy Crisis.

JMD031 wrote:
The Euro Currancy Crisis is probably something I should be more concerned about...except I'm not because I'm an American. See, that's the American way. We act all oblivious to problems that will effect us and then (expletive deleted) about it when it actually happens to us. But this is supposed to be about Europe, not America. The way I see it, (and trust me it's from the standpoint of someone who really doesn't know what is going on) this whole thing started as a semi-good idea that has now blown up in everyone's face. Initially, all these countries were cool, each contributing what they could to ensure the survivial of the currancy and things were good. Then, someone had to go and (expletive deleted) it all up. This particular country (I'll not name it for it's own good but it sounds like an old movie with John Travolta and Olivia Newton John) is in serious debt for some reason I couldn't tell you. But the end result is like living with a drug addict, where you know that any money you give the person you will never see again. If I'm correct, this is pretty much exactly what these other countries have decided, they basically said, "Well (expletive delted), that's money we'll never see again. Might as well take the loss and move on". The question is, will it work? Of course it won't. Much like the drug addict, I'm almost positive this particualr country...or one like it, will continue making bad financial decisions. I know this as much as I know that the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar...(expletive deleted) now I got that (expletive deleted) song stuck in my head. My point being, just because the debt is being forgotten about, it doesn't mean that suddenly the country will start turning itself around and start producing like it once was. No, in order for that to happen, lots of money needs to be put into restoring it to what it once was, with the promise that this time they will pay it back. However, where is this money going to come from? And furthermore, if they were able to come up with the money, which country would cause the next crisis from bailing this one out? It seems like they are in a never ending cycle of debt. Which is sad but at least the Euro is still worth more than the American dollar...which really isn't saying much. Hmm, this rant wasn't as ranty as it could have been. Perhaps it's because of my American heritage and my obliviousness to all things not American that has curbed my fire this evening. Hopefully, I will be able to provide you with a more entertaining rant when I rant about...France - The Nation or the National Identity. Oh that will be a good one I'm sure.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

This rant I felt very good about, although the original was lost due to internet malfunctions. This started the trend where I would open up a Word document and type up all of my rants and then simply copy and paste them after they were done.

JMD031 wrote:

Alright boys and girls, time for another rant. This time I’ve taken precautions to ensure I don’t lose my rant before it’s posted. Today I will be talking about France – the nation or the national identity. Yesterday I had this whole thing where I first talked about how I don’t hate all French people, just a certain subsection. So, I’ll pretty much start from there. A good portion of the French people are ok in my book. This is because they remember what happened during WWII and are grateful for the efforts of the allies during that time. Unfortunately, a small minority don’t remember and are also the most vocal. These pretentious (expletive deleted) are so full of themselves that they likely couldn’t enter into a room because their heads are so over inflated. Honestly, I hope those (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted) choke on their (expletive deleted) own (expletive deleted) while another (expletive deleted) person (expletive deleted) them in their (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted). Why do you ask? Because they’re a bunch of (expletive deleted) elitist (expletive deleted). Don’t get me wrong, Americans can be a bunch of (expletive deleted) elitist jerks, but at least we admit it and, sadly, pride ourselves on it. The thing that really bugs me is how people from that country will sit there and act all high and mighty, telling other people how to act, pretending like their (expletive deleted) doesn’t stink, and all the while being a bunch of (expletive deleted) hypocrites. “What do you mean by hypocrites?” Well, shut the (expletive deleted) up and I’ll tell you. From my vantage point, this vocal minority that I despise so much, talks a big game about how they are better than the rest of the world because they are not war mongers and are more civilized than the rest us. (Expletive deleted). These (expletive deleted) are no better than anyone else because they, like the U.S and others, have nukes. Not only that, they are actively testing them. Now for what reason would a country need nuclear arms for? These are not defensive weapons. The only reason to use a nuclear weapon is if you want to ensure that your opponent will never (expletive deleted) with you again AND no one will ever what to go into that location ever again. I do not believe that they have these weapons “just in case”. Just in case of what exactly? When they get a (expletive deleted) up their (expletive deleted) and decide to end everything? Not on my watch froggie. The only other reason to have “the bomb” is for the power that comes with it. Every major country in the world today has it and every country that wants recognition as a big name is trying to get it. Don’t believe me? I believe North Korea and Iran may beg to differ. No bomb, no respect. Getting back on topic, if France is so sophisticated, why do they still have nuclear weapons? Why don’t they start the trend of not having to have nuclear weapons and still being a major force in the world? Maybe then I’ll have some respect for the country, but until then they will always be the country that got the (expletive deleted) kicked out of them in WWII.

Tune in next time for a rant about...severed limbs. Hmm, I'm going to have to really think about that one.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

This rant is another short one and to be honest I kind of just phoned this one in...metaphorically speaking. However, I feel is was one of my better rants only because of the incoherent thought train and the argument with myself at the end. Enjoy.

JMD031 wrote:
Time for a new rant. Today’s rant is about…severed limbs? What exactly am I supposed to (expletive deleted) say here? That severed limbs are gross? I mean they are but seriously, what can you say about them? Was this meant to be a joke, because it’s not (expletive deleted) funny. Seriously, what sort of deranged and twisted (expletive deleted) would want to hear a rant about severed limbs? A severely sick, deranged and twisted (expletive deleted), that’s who. When I was younger I was in the Boy Scouts (no jokes please, you sick pervs) and my scout master was missing his left hand, it really creeped me out. Like I wanted to know how he lost it…yet at the same time I didn’t. What is it with our sick fascination with morbid things like that? Why do we have to slow down and watch the car crash scene? This is beginning to sound like my airplane disaster rant, so I’m going to move on. Do you know the hardest thing about doing these rants? Asking these stupid (expletive deleted) rhetorical questions like I’m going to (expletive deleted) get an answer. Seriously, what kind of pretentious (expletive deleted) am I? See, there I go again, it’s like I’m addicted or something. Alright, this rant officially sucks. But it is a necessary evil to get everyone closer to the rant they want to see…The TOZ rant which is not coming up next time. Next time I will be ranting about Dungeons and Dragons 4th Edition. Notice what I did there? I didn’t give a specific time that way you are not disappointed when it doesn’t show up tomorrow. Pretty slick, huh? Man, I really do sound like a (expletive deleted).


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

This rant is one of my favorites and is also the first time I started being concerned about length. Truth be told, I could have gone on and on about that topic, but I thought to myself "where is the line?" I thought were I ended it was a good place because it made it seem like I had so much more to say but I didn't want to bore everyone with it.

JMD031 wrote:

JMD031’s Dungeons and Dragons 4th Edition Rant

I had to put a lot of thought into this one. When I saw this topic I was like “(expletive deleted) yeah!” but then I realized that I could potentially rekindle the (expletive deleted) edition wars. And that got me to thinking (expletive deleted), I don’t want to do that. So, let me just start out and say that this is not an “Anti-4th ed” rant. On its own, I kind of like the system. I’ve recently ran a game of Gamma World and that was a blast. The system has a lot of good qualities but like any system it is not without its flaws. Now, it is story time. Years ago when I was but a young lad I had no knowledge of Roleplaying games. I was, however, really interested into Video Games mainly fighting games, but that’s a story for a different time. One year I really wanted a Playstation, mainly because I wanted to play Final Fantasy 7 which was my first experience with RPGs. Some of you may scoff at this, but keep in mind we have to start somewhere. So, there I was playing Final Fantasy 7 when a friend of mine asked me “would you want to play this game for real?” The rest as they say is history. I started playing during the end of 2nd edition. So I don’t remember things like colored coded boxes for adventures, or coloring the numbers on the dice, or even when elves were a class and not a race. I do remember things like THACO and how a low level wizard was pretty much (expletive deleted) after he casted any spells because he had no other options. When 3rd edition came out, I was skeptical but as I read it I realized that it wasn’t all that different from 2nd, keeping in mind that I didn’t know the rules that well but the general concepts were the same. I started playing 3rd edition the second it came out and (expletive deleted) was I hooked. When they updated the rules to 3.5, I was fine with that as nothing is perfect and they fixed quite a few things. Then they decided to upgrade a new edition. Like many people I was skeptical, but initially I was ok with it. Why? Because I was told that the Star Wars Saga edition would be a “preview” of the changes to come. I liked the way the Saga edition was set up it made things simpler yet retained a lot of the feel of 3rd/3.5. Then 4th edition was released. Like many fan boys I rushed out and purchased the books. It wasn’t until a few weeks went by that I realized what I had in my hands… Now, on its own, without the word Dungeons and Dragons on the cover, I would consider it a good system and I might even use it for some kind of game. But I do not feel it is Dungeons and Dragons. To me it is the (expletive deleted) lovechild of a miniature game, a card game and a video game with “roleplaying elements”. Now I’m sure you can play the game however you want but the rules of the game from the book pretty much spell this out. The other thing that really (expletive deleted) me off about it was how the first set of books were “incomplete”. It really (expletive deleted) me off to know that I would have to purchase more than 3 books just to play the game. (Expletive delete) that. So then I started looking for an alternative. Why? Because while I could have continued playing 3.5…I no longer wanted to. I felt betrayed by the company that I spent soooo much money on the past several years. Keep in mind that I have no issues with the system, it’s just not DnD and it should have never been. Why do I feel betrayed? Simple, I’ve put the better part of 10 years into playing a particular version of the game, I know the rules, I’m familiar with them and with some minor tweaking they could be really great. Now, you might say, “Isn’t this like when 2nd ed came out?” You are right, but not all at the same time. When 3rd ed came out, I really didn’t know 2nd ed, but I dove head first into 3rd and honestly the changes between 2nd and 3rd were big but not in such a way that you couldn’t recognize the game. Fourth is nothing like Third except in a skeletal sense, i.e. you roll a d20 and you have skills, feats and levels and such. Other than that, it’s a completely different game. It’s saying “The White Wolf system is exactly like DnD because you roll dice.” Alright this rant has gone on long enough, and if you are still reading well (expletive deleted) kudos to you. Tune in next time when I rant about Dead Middle East Dictators.


JMD031 wrote:
(expletive deleted) kudos to you

:) ...and also dot. Nice rants!


JMD031 wrote:
I will encourage others to post here much like they posted there.

You are stupid.

Shadow Lodge

So good of you to continue following orders, Doodlebug!


:)


Down with Leafear !!!!!

Cheliax

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Modules Subscriber

hey we got the gang back together.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Acolyte of Leafar the Loved wrote:
JMD031 wrote:
I will encourage others to post here much like they posted there.
You are stupid.

Fear not little one, your rant is coming soon.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

This next rant is one I'm pretty happy about. It was the right length and on topic. I really like the comment "Live Middle East Dictators = bad, Dead Middle East Dictators = Good". Enjoy.

JMD031 wrote:

I’m feeling like doing a little ranting. Let’s check the list shall we? Dead Middle East Dictators? Alright, here we go. You know what the best thing about Dead Middle East Dictators is? That they are (expletive deleted) dead. Seriously, who the (expletive deleted) do these guys think they are anyways? And for that matter, how the (expletive deleted) do they rise up to power anyways? They are like one guy, and there is like a very large number of other people in the country. Why are they letting one guy rise up and take that kind of power? Ignorance, that’s how. Most people don’t really know what’s going on until it’s too late. This is all changing however with the rise of communication technology. Look at Libya. They had this (expletive deleted) guy running the country for years and boy was he crazy. Anyways, the people began to see things beyond their country and they were like, “Hey, why don’t we have that?” Now, in some countries the (expletive deleted) uses this to his advantage and says “Because the United States doesn’t want you to have it” but that is becoming harder and harder to sell since all we do is tell people, “We want you to be like us…just not as successful”. Back to the Dead Middle East (expletive deleted), because of the rise of technology, they are unable to have the strangle hold they once had because people are able to see their lies for what they really are…lies. So, in the end, who wins when a Middle East Dictator is dead? Everybody, the people of the country, the US, and everyone else. What we definitely need in this world are less (expletive deleted) like that Ahmadinejad (expletive deleted) and others like him. The Holocaust didn’t happen my (expletive deleted). Where was I? Oh yeah, if you think about it, only good things can come from the death of a Middle East Dictator. For instance, the people won’t be run into the ground by some (expletive deleted) military force run by the (expletive deleted) dictator. The people may actually get basic needs met like food and shelter instead of living in fear that some bat(expletive deleted) crazy dictator is going to get a wild hair up his (expletive deleted) and start (expletive deleted) killing people or what not. Ok, I think this rant has gone on long enough. To sum up, Live Middle East Dictators = bad, Dead Middle East Dictators = Good.

Tune in next time when I rant about Space Weasels….didn’t I already do that one. That should be an easy one.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

This next rant started out as a cop out rant because I simply reposted my first rant as it was the same topic. I added a little extra so it didn't seem like it was a complete cop out.

JMD031 wrote:

New rant time! I know what some of you are thinking. Is he really that (expletive deleted) stupid to rant about the same thing twice? The answer is no. Instead I'm going to give you a blast from the past.

Me wrote:
I live in a semi-rural environment. Semi-rural meaning that I'm not out in BFE, but I don't live in the big city. Some people may call it the Suburbs but those people can go (expletive deleted) themselves. Now it just so happens that I have a small garden in my backyard, nothing spectacular mind you just a small assortment of herbs. For a good while now, I've had no problems with my garden and I've had some nice home-made spices to use when I cook. But recently, something has been happening to my herbs. They're coming up missing, or trampled on, or even discolored. The culprit? Space weasels. That's right, (expletive deleted) Space weasels. "How can you be so sure?" you might ask. Well, shut up a minute and I'll tell you. You see, I thought long and hard about this for about 5 minutes and it occurred to me that at night some weird things have been going on recently. There are strange lights coming from outside and my clock radio is picking up weird signals. Not to mention the tiny foot prints on my back porch. I'm telling you its down right spooky. Sounds crazy? Well, you go ahead and don't believe me if you want to, but I'll be sitting here in my basement with my tin foil hat and shotgun loaded for when those (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted) space weasels come to (expletive deleted) all of us.

Update: Those (expletive deleted) things haven't been around much and some might say that's because it's winter here in the US of A but I think it's just a way for them to lull me into a false sense of security so they can strike when I least expect it.

Tune in next time for when I rant about Root Canals.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

This rant was difficult to do because while I hate root canals, what more can you say about them except that you hate them? Besides this rant was in the way of the TOZ rant so I kind of rushed ended it quickly in order to get to that one.

JMD031 wrote:

JMD031’s Infamous Rants. Brought to you by some corporate industry. Anyways, this rant is supposed to be about root canals. I’ve never had a root canal so I really can’t rant about them. But I have been to the dentist and I can rant about that. Do you know what (expletive deleted) me off about dentist? When these (expletive deleted) guys have their hands in your mouth and they talk to you. What the (expletive deleted) is that about? Do you know how hard it is to talk with someone’s (expletive deleted) hands in your mouth? And what’s with all the pain inducing tools? Seriously, if it wasn’t for the fact that you could die from diseases of the mouth, I’d be perfectly fine with getting rid of the whole profession. What really gets me is these guys know less than a doctor but charge just as much as a doctor. Is it really worth that much just to look at someone’s teeth? Sometimes I wish I would have become a dentist so I’d have a reason to hate myself. Seriously, the only profession that (expletive deleted) me off more are cable repair technicians. “I’ll be over to your house to overcharge you for cable sometime between tomorrow at 8AM and then end of the year. If you are not home at that time you’ll have to call back and reschedule for the end of never. [insert evil laughter here]” I think there is a special place in hell for these (expletive deleted) people. Cable TV just pisses me off anyways. How can you have over a thousand channels of content and still have (expletive deleted) nothing on? Where was I? Oh, I’m supposed to talk about root canals, well (expletive deleted) that. That is a stupid topic and whoever came up with it needs to come up with better ones. Ok, rant done. Tune in next time for a rant about TOZ…(dun, dun, dunnnnn!).


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

This rant is very bittersweet for me. It is one of my better rants, but it was done after some very bad stuff happened in my life. Part of me thinks that doing this rant was, in a small way, a way to move on. Anyways, enough rambling on my part, enjoy the TOZ rant.

JMD031 wrote:

And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for….THE TOZ RANT!!!!!! *dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn*

First a brief interlude. I was all set to writing this when I had a terrible thing happen to me, the details of which are not important because the last thing I need is for some (expletive deleted) random (expletive deleted) giving me grief about this event. Anyways, I had it all planned out in my head. What I was going to say, how I was going to say it, all of it. And then I just didn’t feel like it. This wasn’t laziness or apathy, it just didn’t seem important at all. I have spent the past several weeks trying to do two things: make sense of what happened and to put my life back to some sense of normalicy (whatever that is). For a while I had no intention of doing any other rants. I mean, why? What was the purpose? It wasn’t until I was able to answer those questions that I was able to decide to continue what I started. If for anything but to do exactly what I feel I need and that is to have my life back to the way it was. Alright enough of this (expletive deleted) touchy feely stuff, on to the rant.

I want to start off this rant by saying that I think TOZ is a great guy. I mean that. He’s a stand-up guy who speaks his mind and doesn’t give a rat’s (expletive deleted) what anyone says about it. He’s funny, insightful and generally makes the forums a better place. Now I realize that some of you are wondering “where is the anger?” or perhaps “this isn’t a rant, this is a (expletive deleted) contest”. Well, I’m getting to that. To me, TOZ is a likable guy and if you don’t like TOZ well you are just Un-American. That’s right hating TOZ is the equivalent to liking Al-Qeada. Why is that? Because TOZ stands for all the things that makes America great: Being confident, speaking your mind and generally not giving a (expletive deleted) what others people have to say. On top of that, TOZ is an American Soldier. While that may not mean a whole lot to some, it means a whole lot to those who are in the service. See a lot of people in this country (expletive deleted) and moan about every little thing that is wrong with this country while expecting their every demand to be handed to them on a (expletive deleted) silver platter. Some of you know what I’m talking about, the so-called “Fat lazy American”. Well, to me TOZ is a shining beacon of hope against that stereotype because unlike those other people, he (like many other people) are doing their part to keep this country safe from foreign threats. Now I’m sure some of you out there will try to argue with me about the ethics of what the American military is doing, but that’s not what this is about. In a lot of ways, the American military members are cogs in the “Great Wheel” that is this country and much like cogs you would find in a machine, there are all kinds with many shapes and sizes, good ones and bad ones, and so on. What makes TOZ stand out is that he has all of the good qualities that you would expect from someone representing our country and (at least to my knowledge) none of the bad qualities. So, if you hate TOZ, you might as well move to Afghanistan right now because only terrorist could hate someone so (expletive deleted) cool.

Alright, that is enough (expletive deleted) about TOZ. Tune in next time when I rant about…llamas. Seriously? Llamas? Who came up with these topics? I mean (expletive deleted) this whole thing is…

Shadow Lodge

*rides an eagle out of an explosion*


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

I believe this is the last rant of the thread before it was closed. And it was about such a fun topic, llamas. I basically just looked up wikipedia and then typed some stuff and while I was doing that remembered a bit from The Whitest Kids You Know about how the teacher hated Wikipedia and decided to do this instead. Enjoy.

JMD031 wrote:
On this edition of JMD031’s famous rants, Llamas. What on earth am I going to (expletive deleted) talk about in regards to llamas. All I know about llamas is that they are mammals and they are used in the same manner as donkeys and goats are here up north. Other than that I know there is a bit in Monty Python and the Holy Grail about llamas. Which means I don’t know jack (expletive deleted) about llamas. But that hasn’t stopped me before! Now I’m not entirely certain on this but I believe that llamas have a tendency to spit and also have pretty nasty tempers. So that makes them pretty (expletive deleted) disgusting animals. I mean I’ve seen pigs living in their own (expletive deleted) and that’s probably the only other animal that is more disgusting to me. I made a comment earlier that llamas are akin to donkeys and goats and would appear to be some weird hybrid animal with all of the bad parts of both. They are (expletive deleted) stubborn and are pretty much just used as beasts of burden. So why are llamas so important? (Expletive deleted) if I know. I know they are primarily used in countries that have a lot of mountains and they are good climbers so they do have that going for them. Wikipedia says: llamas originated in the central plains of North America about 40 million years ago and then migrated to South America about three million years ago. You know what? (Expletive deleted) Wikipedia. That’s right, you heard me, (expletive deleted) Wikipedia. How could anyone know that? Was there anyone around 40 million years ago to know exactly where these animals originated from or are they just guessing based off of (expletive deleted) fossils. That whole thing sounds like a load of garbage anyways, 40 million years ago…might as well be 100 million years ago. Alright, this rant is looking to be a tad on the long side and I’m certain most of you won’t even read it…unless you are a llama sympathizer. Tune in next time when I will rant about that (expletive deleted) guy who said I should stop ranting. Man that was a while ago…I’m going to have to bring up his post so that everyone will even remember that. (Expletive deleted)! That means I have to (expletive deleted) go back through the (expletive deleted) thread. (Expletive deleted) me.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
JMD031 wrote:

Remaining topics to rant about:

That (expletive deleted) guy who said I should stop ranting.
[Redacted]
Followers of [Redacted]
That darn draft that keeps coming in through this thread

Some one suggested I rant about a random list of monsters but I think we can do better than that.

Since I'm done mourning the loss of my old thread, I will try to work up some good rage for the next rant. But until then please offer your suggestions for rants that are not about Leafar the Lost.


How about any of the following:
Work
Bosses
Those annoying automated telephone menu things (you know, press 1 for blah, press 2 for blech, etc...)
Customers who bug me while I'm trying to do something important, like browse the Paizo message boards
People who talk in netspeak (LOL, OMG, ROTFLMAO, etc...)


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

I deem those topics rantworthy.


Telemarketers.

Those jackanape "debt collectors" that mistake you for some one else - as if you have any more money that the guy who shirked on the "debt" the jackanapes are now determined that YOU owe them for.

Spam that the e-mail filters fail to catch. Or spam that cleverly dodges the nets during its annual spawning runs up long Alaskan rivers. Or both.


Kneels before JMD031

Master, I have returned.

Cheliax

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Modules Subscriber

Why Gruumash is so Awesome?


[Yawn]

I sure wish my master would come back so I wouldn't have to hang out in here with you losers.

Where's VM Mercenario, btw?

Cheliax

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Modules Subscriber

Really why don't you just do what you have done in the past and write for him ... remember alter ego thing? Or is it like a Hulk thing and you have to get all angry and stuff? Perhaps if we all start ragging on Leafear again he will return.

Shadow Lodge

I'd rather he didn't. He was rather tedious.

Cheliax

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Modules Subscriber

too true ... Well at least we have the rants back. Though that is on a different thread. So what should we talk about now?


Sadly, I cannot transform myself into Leafar, despite what you heathens believe.


Add some PCP to your smoke and you can be whoever you want to be.


Don't tempt me.


Smooooooooooookeeeeee. Blazin', baby.

{twirls PCP laced 'stache}


I changed my mind.

[bubble bubble bubble]

Andoran

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Okay so I see that there's a rant thread, and I think to myself, why the {bleep} does this {bleep} {bleep} get to have his own thread for ranting? No one deserves their own thread. Not even guys who are the alter ego, of Leafar the Lost, who is basically Aroden. I mean, where the {bleep} do you get off making a sock puppet? How {bleep} sick do you have to be? And to make a bunch of {bleep} rhetorical questions? That's seriously delirious {bleep}. Guys who have the nerve to talk about root canals when their own avatar is a skull with white polished teeth deserve to have a blue slaad {bleep} them in the {bleep} and turn into a {bleep} protean. That's another thing. Proteans are basically slaadi, and it's a really cheap ripoff. They're frog-shaped, lack any hierarchy, and have {bleep} rainbow skin! I haven't read the Pathfinder books, but I just hang out in the political forum and it's really uninspired. To be quite frank, I'm not even sure how Paiso hasn't gotten sued yet. Probably because they're part of the infernal militariy indrustralia complex. Wizards can't touch them. You know who else are wizards? Liches. I'm assuming guys with white teeth are liches and - and where the {bleep} do liches come from anyways? Are they German or something? We defeated Germany in the War of 1812, we don't have to take their {bleep}. I'm getting off topic. A personal thread is the apex of narcissism, and anyone who makes one deserves a swift boot to the kick.

Join me next time where I rant about a topic I pulled from GoogleAds while searching for {bleep}!

Oh and I guess the only guy who deserves his own thread is a god.
Leafar, we miss you.

Spoiler:
Tribute post?


Now, that's a rant!

Cheliax

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Modules Subscriber

I guess that is why I have my own thread because of my own Awesomeness? But dispite how Awesome I am I am not a god.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Nope, you're a big scabby meany orcses! And poodle-licker!! And you use safety matches!!!


Why, hello!


{looks down at half-eaten moldy beet in astonishment} Did you just speak to me?! Hmmm, should I name you Voit or Spalding?


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

I like Gark's rant. It is very much like my own rants. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Consider me flattered.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Ok boys and girls, time for a new rant. First things first, here is the offending post. Now you may be asking: Why the (expletive deleted) do I care about a post from six months ago? Why? Because (expletive deleted) it (expletive deleted) me off. On top of that it has me asking more (expletive deleted) rhetorical questions again, but that is a rant for some other time. This rant is about some (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted) who thinks he can tell me what to do. Who does he think he is? (Expletive deleted), why do I keep doing that? It’s like I have a (expletive deleted) disease or something. Anyways, that (expletive deleted) guy can go (expletive deleted) himself while choking on a (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted) and then getting (expletive deleted) in the (expletive deleted) so hard it will make his (expletive deleted) eyeballs pop right out of his (expletive deleted) head. Let’s take a look at this post again. First of all he insults me by stating that I’m a part of “some people”. How racist is that? Don’t answer that. Then he talks about how there is like a book’s worth of words but these rants are hardly the length of any book, so he’s totally wrong there. And then there is the part where he is all like “I’m not going to read them”. Well good for (expletive deleted) you! These rants are not for people such as yourself anyways. Anyways I hope this guy does us all a favor and quits trying to be one of the (expletive deleted) kids who are all like “I put everything down cause putting things down is cool”. (Expletive deleted) that. Alright, enough ranting for one night.

Tune in next time when I rant about [redacted]? [Redacted]? What the (expletive deleted) is that? Man, I hope I don’t have to go back through the Don’t Reply to This Thread thread (NO (expletive deleted) jokes) again. Wait…it’s coming back to me… The next rant is about Doodlebug and his alter ego Lanfer the Unfound. Yeah, that was totally it.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Updated list of topics I'm going to rant about:

Doodlebug and his alter ego
Followers of Lanfer the Unfound
That darn draft that keeps coming in through this thread (???)
Work
Bosses
Those annoying automated telephone menu things (you know, press 1 for blah, press 2 for blech, etc...)
Customers who bug me while I'm trying to do something important, like browse the Paizo message boards
People who talk in netspeak (LOL, OMG, ROTFLMAO, etc...)
Telemarketers.
Those jackanape "debt collectors" that mistake you for some one else - as if you have any more money that the guy who shirked on the "debt" the jackanapes are now determined that YOU owe them for.
Spam that the e-mail filters fail to catch. Or spam that cleverly dodges the nets during its annual spawning runs up long Alaskan rivers. Or both.
Why Gruumash is so Awesome?

That should keep this going for a while.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

After some debate, I have decided to change my avatar...again. I think this guy looks pretty cool with his sunglasses which I'm assuming he wears at night and he doesn't look evil so there will be no mistaking that I'm not the bad guy in the fight against Doodlebug and his evil twin/alter ego/whatever we decided he is this month.


Your new avatar is a leader of a Norgorber cult in Ustalav!

You are still evil!

Shadow Lodge

I see your inability to separate imaginary things from reality isn't limited to your other personalities, Doodlebug.


JMD031 wrote:
and he doesn't look evil so there will be no mistaking that I'm not the bad guy in the fight against Doodlebug and his evil twin/alter ego/whatever we decided he is this month.

I'm just helping a brother out, TOZ.


Gods are just so mainstream.

1 to 50 of 1,254 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | next > last >>
Paizo / Messageboards / Paizo Community / Off-Topic Discussions / The Official JMD031 Rant Thread All Messageboards

Want to post a reply? Sign in.

©2002–2014 Paizo Inc.®. Need help? Email customer.service@paizo.com or call 425-250-0800 during our business hours: Monday–Friday, 10 AM–5 PM Pacific Time. View our privacy policy. Paizo Inc., Paizo, the Paizo golem logo, Pathfinder, the Pathfinder logo, Pathfinder Society, GameMastery, and Planet Stories are registered trademarks of Paizo Inc., and Pathfinder Roleplaying Game, Pathfinder Campaign Setting, Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Adventure Card Game, Pathfinder Player Companion, Pathfinder Modules, Pathfinder Tales, Pathfinder Battles, Pathfinder Online, PaizoCon, RPG Superstar, The Golem's Got It, Titanic Games, the Titanic logo, and the Planet Stories planet logo are trademarks of Paizo Inc. Dungeons & Dragons, Dragon, Dungeon, and Polyhedron are registered trademarks of Wizards of the Coast, Inc., a subsidiary of Hasbro, Inc., and have been used by Paizo Inc. under license. Most product names are trademarks owned or used under license by the companies that publish those products; use of such names without mention of trademark status should not be construed as a challenge to such status.