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The Official JMD031 Rant Thread


Off-Topic Discussions

151 to 200 of 1,251 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | next > last >>

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
JMD031 wrote:

Updated list of topics I'm going to rant about:

That darn draft that keeps coming in through this thread (???)
Work
Bosses
Those annoying automated telephone menu things (you know, press 1 for blah, press 2 for blech, etc...)
Customers who bug me while I'm trying to do something important, like browse the Paizo message boards
People who talk in netspeak (LOL, OMG, ROTFLMAO, etc...)
Telemarketers.
Those jackanape "debt collectors" that mistake you for some one else - as if you have any more money that the guy who shirked on the "debt" the jackanapes are now determined that YOU owe them for.
Spam that the e-mail filters fail to catch. Or spam that cleverly dodges the nets during its annual spawning runs up long Alaskan rivers. Or both.
Why Gruumash is so Awesome?
Purple People Eaters
Pushy Monkey Kings
Canadians

Update to the update. Also, you should be grateful I've given you guys two rants in one week.


Big (expletive deleted) deal. :P


Personally, I believe that prior to his ascension, Leafar invested a portion of his power into his most devoted servant... like Bane did to Iyachtu Xvim. Or maybe like Bhaal did with his mortal spawn.


Hee hee! My Lord and Master hasn't posted in something like three months and JMDwhatever is STILL ranting about him?

Chalk one up to Team Leafar!


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Pillbug Toenibbler wrote:
Personally, I believe that prior to his ascension, Leafar invested a portion of his power into his most devoted servant... like Bane did to Iyachtu Xvim. Or maybe like Bhaal did with his mortal spawn.

Yes, it's true. Now, I wield the power of Leafar! The power to annoy vast numbers of Paizonians is mine! Mine! Mine! [Laughs villainously]

Actually, I think I already had that power...


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Acolyte of Leafar the Loved wrote:

Hee hee! My Lord and Master hasn't posted in something like three months and JMDwhatever is STILL ranting about him?

Chalk one up to Team Leafar!

Leafar abides. All hail Leafar!

Shadow Lodge

Pillbug Toenibbler wrote:
Personally, I believe that prior to his ascension, Leafar invested a portion of his power into his most devoted servant... like Bane did to Iyachtu Xvim. Or maybe like Bhaal did with his mortal spawn.

So either Leafar will return one day by exploding out of the Acolyte's body chestburster-style, or the rest of his scions will meet with the Acolyte in an all-out slaughterfest Highlander style to see who will ascend to become the new Leafar.

Got it.


Ooh, I hope it's the first one!

Shadow Lodge

You realize this just makes you a glorified cocoon.


Welcome, Orthos, to one of the many continuation threads to the sadly discontinued Don't Reply to This Thread! thread!

In answer to your question: Yes, I do!

All hail Leafar!!

Shadow Lodge

Sure, just want to make sure we're clear on that. =)


JMD031 wrote:

Greetings fellow rant fans! This rant is about the followers of Leafar the Lost. To be honest, I don’t have a lot of (expletive deleted) hope for how well this rant will go but what the (expletive deleted), let’s do this. As I said in my last rant, Leafar is an all-around bad guy. The kind of guy who you wouldn’t mind watching on YouTube but you would not let enter your house. So one can only imagine what the people who follow such a (expletive deleted) are like. First and foremost there is Doodlebug Anklebiter who has gone so far as to make an alias called (expletive deleted) “Acolyte of Leafar the Loved”. If this guy got any further up Leafar’s (expletive deleted) he could check for polyps. Who else would follow such a lowly person? A bunch of (expletive deleted) people you’ve never heard of before, that’s who. Which basically means that the only person who follows Leafar is himself and Doodlebug. I think mainly the people who followed Mr. (expletive deleted) Leafar were people who (expletive deleted) thought they were “cool kids” by doing it. Well let me tell you something rant fans, there is nothing “cool” about being a (expletive deleted) toadie to a (expletive deleted) guy like Leafar. Wow, I just realized that this rant has managed to stay on topic for once. Good for (expletive deleted) me. Now, I think is the time to end this one and call it a night.

Join me next time when I will rant about...well I guess I’m ranting about drafts or something like that. That’s probably going to be a really (expletive deleted) one. I wouldn’t put too much stock in that one.

I was just curious, heathen, whether this rant indicates that you have finally seen the light and recognize that I, lowly worm that I am, and Leafar the Lordly are not, in fact, one and the same?

I mean, weren't one and the same--now that his power has been invested in me I guess we are the same, at least until he matures and bursts out of my worthless flesh. But we weren't when you were spreading your calumnies and lies, you faithless apostate.


I have noticed though that he has not posted in quite a while and you have taken over his "Mantle". Leads me to believe earlier hypothisis were correct. Leafear was simply a persona of Anklebiter.

Andoran

So if the Acolyte of Leafar the Loved dies . . .

Who gets his power?


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Me.


Orthos wrote:
...Leafar will return one day by exploding out of the Acolyte's body chestburster-style...
Acolyte of Leafar the Loved wrote:
Ooh, I hope it's the first one!
Orthos wrote:
You realize this just makes you a glorified cocoon.

If the cocoon looks like Tahnee Welch, I'm all for it. All Hail the smexy cocoon!


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

It should be known, Doodlebug, that often the rants have little to do with how I actually feel and more to do with what I believe will be funny at the time. Also, I know you couldn't possibly be Leafar because that would mean you were unfunny and mean, which you are neither.


Pillbug Toenibbler wrote:
Orthos wrote:
...Leafar will return one day by exploding out of the Acolyte's body chestburster-style...
Acolyte of Leafar the Loved wrote:
Ooh, I hope it's the first one!
Orthos wrote:
You realize this just makes you a glorified cocoon.
If the cocoon looks like Tahnee Welch, I'm all for it. All Hail the smexy cocoon!

Hello, cocoon-y nurse!!


JMD031 wrote:
It should be known, Doodlebug, that often the rants have little to do with how I actually feel and more to do with what I believe will be funny at the time. Also, I know you couldn't possibly be Leafar because that would mean you were unfunny and mean, which you are neither.

Flattery will get you nowhere, infidel!


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

;-)


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Somebody requested that I also rant about Overpowered Wizards...except everyone rants about those, so I will not be adding it to the list.


Ooh, but I never read those threads. Maybe if you ranted about it JMDwhatever, I'd know what they're talking about.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Acolyte of Leafar the Loved wrote:
Ooh, but I never read those threads. Maybe if you ranted about it JMDwhatever, I'd know what they're talking about.

Ok, since you asked nicely.

Andoran

Yes I neither frequent the threads where ranting is done about things and stuff.

The threads that are not here, that is.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

So there is a new "Don't reply to this thread" thread.....lol.

Andoran

i know

what do


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Well it all depends on the level of crazy from the OP.


Where is the Don't reply thread?

Shadow Lodge

Probably in the archives by now.


:( that is sad.

Oh well we can still rant here.


Speaking of which.

I want to talk about gnats, black flies and those other nasty vermin of the skies which bit me and it seems only me. I mean just the other day I was minding my own business trying to get a drive redone in gravel and everyone else except for me was not bothered by the darn things but me !!! Well I was like the 12 PM chinese buffet and the local football, wrestling team and hockey team has stopped by and are all hungry after a hard day of athletics. Oh man did that stink. I mean my wife was right next to me and they did not even bite her once. Mosquitoes at least are equal oppertunity biters these black flies, gnats or what ever else they are called only bit me. How fair is that right? I mean there were at least 5 other family memembers there they could have feasted on as well but they did not bother at all. Unfair I tell you unfair I should speak to someone about this perhaps petition my congressmen or something have those things outlawed killed on site wiped out. That what I should do.

Andoran

You could just wash your clothing in Raid.


Uh, I don't know if you all know, but somebody out there in OTD land is trying to steal our shiznit. What are we going to do about it?

Spoiler:
All hail Leafar!


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

When you say "steal our shiznit", what do you mean?


He means your schtick has been duplica-duplica-duplica-duplica-duplica-duplica-duplica-duplica-duplicated!


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

But it wasn't my schtick...it was that Leafar the Unfound guy's schtick.


*whispers* I'd be a little wary of the little guy then, he might be thinkin' he has ya assimilated or somethin'.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Well regardless, this thread must continue on.


Not to worry it has continued on.

Though I think we need to have a few more rants by some people here? Eh I mena right now I seem to be carrying that load .. and well it can get heavy at times. So please step it up some folks we are needing a little more rants by some other people otherwise people are going to be thinking this is the Gruumash/Mad Badger rant thread.

Andoran

I might make one tomorrow but I am busy busy busy!

I forgot about Paizo for a week!

Again!


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

I too should probably do another one in the near future. However, if I don't get one out by Thursday I probably won't get to it until next week.


Here's a rant for ya. It's a bit dated (from 2006)...

Originates from here, as if it matters :P

The following warrants summary execution by way of being fed feet-first into a horde of ravenous scarab beetles :

(As a player) :

  • 1. Not bringing the bare basics for whatever it is you're playing in the game. Character, scribbling implement and friggin' DICE.
  • 2. Being an attention slut. Quit hogging the spotlight, taking forever to figure out whatever it is you're going to do or say, stop the idiotic uncooperative play that gets your fellow players' characters turned into lawn lasagna and otherwise monopolizing the GM's time. There's more than ONE person at the frickin' table.
  • 3. BWMC'ing (B**ching, Whining, Moaning and Complaining) when your character buys the farm. More often than not a bad decision gets your character wasted. Don't throw a tantrum, pitch a hissy fit or - especially - get in my face about the fact that the attack roll(s) I was courteous enough to roll right in front of you were more than sufficient to grease your character 'cause you charged into a crowd of semi-intellegent, armed humanoids that think you'd taste good sauted in butter.
  • 4. Treasure hogging. The bad guys are beaten, the party members are no longer in danger of bleeding to death and it's time to divvy up the swag. Then some greasestain of a player *has* to have that kewl item for thier character ... in spite of the fact that the purty Cloak of Chruzima +2 does his CHA 6 thief no good whatsoever, that punk STILL has to try and claim dibs on something almost every other member in the party can probably make use of.
  • 5. Knowingly and willfully playing character classes when it is very clear that an unbalanced party is one of the surest tickets to a TPK (besides player stupidity). As an example, Age of Worms is declared as the next big campaign arc to be played, 7 players expected. Normal party balance dictates 2 fighter-types, 2 arcane spell casters, 2 divine spell casters and a single "trap monkey" to deal with traps, locks and ramp up that juicy use magic device skill. Oh, and buddy up with the fighters or whomever to accelerate the demise of all who oppose the party.

    Instead, what reaches my ears while I'm rolling up my ability scores ? " A psychokineticist, A warlock, A wizard, A sorceror, A ninja ... " leaving 2 of the 7 character slots to be filled. Wait ... wait ... wait ... out of the first 5 characters made, I have to babysit 4 frickin d4/d6 HD wussbags who can't wear enough armor to be worth hauling back to town and pawning when they die ? Finding out that I and one other player are effectively forced into playing 2 clerics just on the off chance that the rest of the party won't actually get splattered all over the dungeon in front of us doesn't do a whole lot for my expectations of an enjoyable game.

    Although I admit, 5 PC's worth of gear, even at half price and divvied up with the other cleric, isn't a bad haul. We can go sell spells and buy ourselves some minor magic items, full plate armor and so on by waiting a few months for the new characters to arrive on the scene. I think I like that idea ...

  • 6. Min-maxxing a character to do ONE thing ... and then BWMC'ing when that character's one-trick wonder results in a brutal, messy death not long afterwards. Had such a character come into play, brutally waste a major monster in 1 round with a couple of lucky crits and serious buffing by the party. Said character made the mistake of having a mere 15 AC against big bad nasty critters. That character died when, after watching a buddy critter poke him very easily on nat 2 attack rolls, proceeded to wind up a full -12 attack/+12 damage Power Attack full attack sequence and ... lawn lasagna resulted in one round, due to having such a crappy AC at that character level. One-trick-wonder characters are not going to encounter the one thing they're good at constantly throughout an entire campaign. Odds are VERY unlikely that the character's lifespan will exceed more than one level of advancement from creation.
  • 7. Failure to use common sense. If your buddy next to you suddenly slumps to the floor asleep, and you don't know WHY it happened other than shortly after you stepped through a doorway ... get yourself and your buddy back out that doorway, slap your buddy awake and let the hostiles come to your position. Pay attention to flavor text and whatever is drawn or otherwise depicted on the map. If you can see in the dark, but your foes can't, turn out the @#!! light.
  • 8. Cooperative play translates into character prosperity and survival. Failure to do so results in character deaths (generally because you did something stupid). When doing so results in my character dying because of something stupid you had your character do, it strikes me as more than fair to be a mite upset at the results of actions I didn't take.

(GENERAL GAMING RANTING)

It makes me sick that I can go from first level scrub to 20th level plus in 2 years' real time, playing bi-weekly, or less. It used to be a serious benchmark to get there ... now, it's a matter of inevitability.

Multiclassing, which was previously kewl pre-3e, still sucks eggs. If you are going for the "classic" feel of the multi-classed fighter-mage-rogue elf, you will die more often and contribute far less often than your single-classed buddies. The discrepency on this matter is atrocious.

Feats outnumber the number of 0 level spells in the CRB, APG, UM and UC combined ... and that's just sticking to " Paizo official " feats. This is WAAAY too far gone, encouraging nothing but one-trick-wonder character creation. WTF happened to being able to wander into a dungeon, whack the bad guys, pick up thier loot and continue whacking bad guys ?

These days, especially in the published modules/adventures, failure to maximize a character's ability in such a fashion is tantamount to suicide by monster. Failure to forgo the shield and heft the nastiest, largest damage-die-dealing melee weaponry you can carry and swing is also becoming tantamount to suicide. The foes will batter aside your puny shield and stomp you into mulch, so do unto them first.

*Brains finally incinerate* Oh, chow's on ... bbl if I remember something to rant about ...

Shadow Lodge

Turin the Mad wrote:

It makes me sick that I can go from first level scrub to 20th level plus in 2 years' real time, playing bi-weekly, or less. It used to be a serious benchmark to get there ... now, it's a matter of inevitability.

*snip* WTF happened to being able to wander into a dungeon, whack the bad guys, pick up thier loot and continue whacking bad guys ?

These days, especially in the published modules/adventures, failure to maximize a character's ability in such a fashion is tantamount to suicide by monster. Failure to forgo the shield and heft the nastiest, largest damage-die-dealing melee weaponry you can carry and swing is also becoming tantamount to suicide. The foes will batter aside your puny shield and stomp you into mulch, so do unto them first.

If it's any consolation, I only hear about these things On The Internet. IRL games - live, via Skype/Ventrilo/Maptool/etc, and PbP away from these boards or WOTC's - everything seems more relaxed, people don't behave nearly as douchebaggy to one another, and one-trickery doesn't seem so badly abused nor punished by the system.

I'd worry that last was on me for being a soft GM, but considering my Savage Tide game where every time the party ran into Big Mean Giant Plant (first Mother-Of-All then Burbalarg the Elder Shambler) someone died horribly, I'd say that's not the case ;)


^__^ no worries Orthos. A rant was requested, one was given. Most of this rant still holds true six years later.


Excellent rant sir I commend you.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

That rant was very good, but too on topic. Needed more randomness. 7/10.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
JMD031 wrote:
That rant was very good, but too on topic. Needed more randomness. 7/10.

All righty then:

I've got a beef with Lord Leafar the Lost. One of my objectives for this letter is to exert a positive influence on the type of world that people will live in a thousand years from now. I feel that it can be safely said that he uses a litany of euphemisms, buzz words, and doublespeak to help him make bribery legal and part of business as usual. On the other hand, he claims that the Scriptures are responsible for his gruesome, illiterate thoughts and fancies. This eisegetical fantasy is not only bilious, but it fails to consider that Leafar is trying to destroy, debauch, devalue, and dehumanize a wide assortment of innocent people. His mission? To trick us into trading freedom for serfdom.

We mustn't be content to patch and darn, to piece and cobble at the worn and rotten fabric of Leafar's subhuman, dodgy nostrums. Instead we must treat the disease, not the symptoms. In theory, Leafar is a paragon of evil at its most wicked. But in reality, when Leafar says that I and others who think he's a pushy worrywart are secretly using etheric attachment cords to drain people's karmic energy, in his mind, that's supposed to end the argument. It's like he believes he has said something very profound. His acolytes believe that he is cunctipotent. Although it is perhaps impossible to change the perspective of those who have such beliefs, I wish nevertheless to shine a light on his efforts to pose a threat to the survival of democracy. In its annual report on pompous incidents, the government concluded that one could truthfully say that I avouch that it needs to be taken into account that Leafar wants a central organization for his international world swindle, endowed with its own sovereign rights and removed from the intervention of other countries—a haven for the most eccentric vocabularians you'll ever see and a university for budding deplorable slackers. But saying that would miss the real point, which is that his legatees were recently seen using terms of opprobrium such as "spineless parvenus" and "audacious milksops" to castigate whomever he opposes. That's not a one-time accident or oversight. That's Leafar's policy.

Mankind needs to do more to present a clear picture of what is happening, what has happened, and what is likely to happen in the future. Understand, I am not condemning mankind for not doing enough; I am merely stating that Leafar has a vested interest in maintaining the myths that keep his Praetorian Guard loyal to him. His principal myth is that advertising is the most veridical form of human communication. The truth is that if you were to ask Leafar, he'd say that he doesn't remember depressurizing the frail vessel of human hopes. Not only does Leafar honestly have a very selective memory, but he and his coadjutors are, by nature, birdbrained, purblind duffers. Not only can that nature not be changed by window-dressing or persiflage, but Leafar accuses me of being narrow-minded. Does he claim I'm narrow-minded because I refuse to accept his claim that he is beyond reproach? If so, then I guess I'm as narrow-minded as I could possibly be. Now that you've read this letter, let me challenge you, the reader, not just to help me build a true community of spirit and purpose based on mutual respect and caring, but also to educate others about what I've written.

(With great power comes a total lack of responsibility.)


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Wow, the interesting thing is that it made sense.


JMD031 wrote:
That rant was very good, but too on topic. Needed more randomness. 7/10.

My brain spontaneously combusted. These things happen. ;)


The Mad Badger wrote:
Excellent rant sir I commend you.

Thank you very much, Mr Badger, thank y-*fwooomf!* brain combusts

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