The Official JMD031 Rant Thread


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Orthos wrote:
I'd read it. Might be "that guy who's always answering questions and starting them with 'IANJMD but...'."

Now if I could only get more people to read it...


Quote:
[expletive string resembling chaos theory redacted] morons.

I approve of this message.


Yesterday was such a long day.


There is never enough time in a day. Also, this thread needs more posts/rants.


What am I supposed to rant about next?


JMD031 wrote:
What am I supposed to rant about next?

Stupidity replacing Common Sense


I think ginger gnomes are next on list. So get ranting!


Hmm, you are probably right. I should get right on that.


Is that ginger gnomes, ginger gnomes, ginger gnomes, ginger gnomes, or ginger gnomes?


The last one...with freckles.


She looks tasty ...

Dark Archive

I am sorry for having been away for a bit. Building up my rant foo I think.

Nothing yet but I am certain it will come soon.


Well, Foosball season is over. Now to start preparing for NASCAR.


Apparently not many Nascar fans here.


Nope.


2 people marked this as a favorite.

They're making a left turn! [/redneck]


Yeah NASCAR sucks.


I'm such a slacker. :(


Rant incoming!


Welcome back rant fans! This edition of JMD031’s infamous rants is about Ginger Gnomes. As many of you may have seen the South Park episode where they made fun of Ginger Gnomes by stating they have no soul and whatnot. What’s that? You haven’t seen that episode? You have got to be (expletive deleted) kidding me? How the (expletive deleted) am I supposed to do this rant if you haven’t seen that (expletive deleted) episode? God, you can be such a (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted). Your face (expletive deleted) sickens me and I hope you (expletive deleted) a (expletive deleted). Ok…I may have flown a bit off the handle there, but it’s just going to be very difficult to finish this rant without having the ability to reference that episode. I mean I had this whole thing where I talked…nevermind it doesn’t even (expletive deleted) matter. I mean this rant might as well be about, I don’t know, Space Weasels….no never again. Alright, I’m just going to have to do this without referencing the (expletive deleted) South Park episode. Let me (expletive deleted) start over.

Welcome back rant fans! This edition of JMD031’s infamous rants is about Ginger Gnomes. What can I say about Ginger Gnomes….(expletive deleted) nothing is what. I mean what is a (expletive deleted) “Ginger Gnome”? There was that one miniature from the Pathfinder Battles set that looked like a Ginger and it was a Gnome. I guess I can rant about that. Hmm…let’s see. Oh, I bought a case and only got one of those figures and one of our PCs in the Kingmaker Game is using it to represent his character. Dear lord this is (expletive deleted) boring. You know what, to (expletive deleted) with all of this (expletive deleted). Rant over.

Tune in next time when I rant about…Hot weather? Wow, that’s really (expletive deleted) topical. What’s next a rant about snow that I won’t (expletive deleted) get to until the Fourth of (expletive deleted) July?


Rant list:
Hot Weather
Power Outages
“Performance Anxiety”
Being sick
Cyclist who ride their bikes at night in the middle of the road
Stupidity replacing common sense


There is a new rant in this thread.


Indeed there was. And, for the record, South Park sucks.


You should rant about brown M&Ms and orange frosted cupcakes.


JMD031 wrote:

Rant list:

Hot Weather
Power Outages
“Performance Anxiety”
Being sick
Cyclist who ride their bikes at night in the middle of the road
Stupidity replacing common sense

Ya know ... you don't have to rant about topics on the list in Any Particular Order. It's a RANT for [chaos string theory redacted] sake, just RANT ON!!


True, but then some items may never get rants as I lose my interest in ranting about them. This way ensures that all topics will have an equal chance of being ranted about.


Hmm, it appears that people may have grown tired of the rants. Or perhaps they have grown tired of waiting for a new one.


pokes JMD with a sharp stick

Get to ranting


Requesting a rant about coworkers.


Requesting a rant about Cow Orc-ers.


JMD031 wrote:
Hmm, it appears that people may have grown tired of the rants. Or perhaps they have grown tired of waiting for a new one.

I enjoy them, but the thread keeps getting buried and I don't remember to look for it. So, post more rants to keep this thread near the top of the list.


Orking cows may be hazardous to your health and is illegal in the state of Utah.


AdmiralAckbar wrote:
Requesting a rant about Cow Orc-ers.

It's a Trap!!!!


Ok, co-workers and cow orcers have been added to the list.


Yay!


2 people marked this as a favorite.

Dunno whether wildcat ranting is the sort of thing you get tarred and feathered for on this here thread, but I'll risk it. Here's Limey's rant on the human wanger, rated I for Ixtremely Immature, and to be read at your own risk

Spoiler:
If you’re after one bloody good reason why Nature is BAD and WRONG and MUST BE PUNISHED, then the human male’s blunderbuss , or stonker, has to be *it*. I mean, you ask the human pore to sweat – it sweats. You ask the human teeth to bite – they bite. You ask the human spleen to metabolize hemoglobin removed from senescent erythrocytes, it sure does that thing. But your gentleman’s relish? Your one-pronged pitchfork? Your puce bassoon? Noooo. Wake up after a night dreaming about zinc plating and there it is – standing proudly to attention like the noble beast it is, but in a situation where you really want it to fulfil its cosmic destiny?

Nothing.

None of you other chaps have ever experienced anxiety-related chewing dysfunction, have you? Of course not! Because the Staff of Chaos is nothing more than another tossed-off, half-cocked flash-in-the-pan from the system that also brought you dysentery and beetroot, and if it takes a few more mass extinctions to get the daft old bat to pull her finger out and get it sorted, then that’s just the way it’s going to have to be, isn’t it?

There it dangles, at just the right height to be nibbled by a hungry tapir. You can boff with it. You can write your name in the snow with it. And that’s all. With just a bit of extra effort on evolution’s part, it could have been used as a makeshift lasso, plumb line or draught excluder, but she was too busy filling the world with ****ing beetles to bother. Typical. Unless you’re lucky to be one of the few with something resembling a vacuum flask attached to two grapefruit, upholstered in your chosen skin colour and rearing magnificently up in the golden sunshine, all you’ve got is a slightly comical wodge of unreliable muscle that can’t even be depended on to ‘reach the terminus’ at a point chosen by you, its lord and master.

That might have made sense 5000 years ago, when the average life expectancy was around 10 and you had to get all your breeding done in a hurry in between wrestling dinosaurs, escaping from meteors and suffering from malnutrition, but now? Now we’re the lords of all sodding creation, gurgling and farting away in our billions, and it’s not like we’re going to run out of spare humans any time soon. Besides, you can go on all you like about the blissful joy of bringing precious, smiling, joyful new life into the worldyeahyeahyeahokthanksgreatputacorkinit, but wouldn’t you rather have a rum and coke and a slipped-disc-inducing uber-shag instead? Of course you would! So WHY THE  DO WE HAVE THIS MISERABLE INSTANT SPERM DISPENSER INSTEAD OF A TRULY AWE-INSPIRING KNEE-TREMBLER THAT ANY STUPID BUGGER WITH A TRAFFIC CONE AND A LAWNMOWER ENGINE COULD KNOCK UP?

Or maybe you wouldn’t. “Limey”, you might say, “It’s a good job your parents didn’t think the same way, isn’t it?”

That is, you might have said that before slogging through this load of old s**t. Afterwards?

...


It's unseasonably hot weather-ish today in the mid-Atlantic. That good enough? ^____^


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Limeylongears wrote:

Dunno whether wildcat ranting is the sort of thing you get tarred and feathered for on this here thread, but I'll risk it. Here's Limey's rant on the human wanger, rated I for Ixtremely Immature, and to be read at your own risk

** spoiler omitted **...

What an excellent rant.

Of course, any sympathy I can offer you is only theoretical. Goblins have bones in their dicks and, hence, avoid those problems.

We also do it in the street!


Limey, I'm giving you +2 rant points.


Hope everyone is having a good weekend. I'm writing up a game summary so it might be awhile before I post another rant.


There is something about Orking cows in another thread.


I noticed.


Hey man, whatever floats your moat.


I don't have a moat.


You should get one.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Gotta get a moat, fill it full of stoats and goats, all eating oats and wearing coats in boats.


3 people marked this as a favorite.

You can get a moat for a groat in Swadlincote. Less, if you're willing to tote Post-It notes until you bloat while watching Murder, She Wrote.


Stop that rhyming now, I mean it.


2 people marked this as a favorite.

Anybody want a peanut?


I would prefer a Walnut...

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