9 Blazing Months


RPG Superstar™ General Discussion

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Clark Peterson wrote:
RC, I like that you took the comments and pulled back to the real issue, the big issue: is this idea Superstar? THAT is what we are looking for. If you make a few template mistakes, Neil will grumble but the awesome idea will get you through where a mediocre idea with perfect execution might not.

Precisely, and that's something I've really been focusing on my ideas this year. Most of the items I've put forth in this thread are ideas I've had time to realize aren't going to cut the superstar mustard. The Shabti charm, at least, was something I thought had potential. I'm especially glad now I didn't actually submit it. :p

Anthony Adams wrote:
Projecting Holy Symbol

I'm a little mired down to comment on the item details, but your newly selected name is far weaker than your old one, even if more descriptive. Mostly because it's boring. "projecting holy symbol" clearly does exactly what it says on the box, but it does so without inspiring the reader. Faith halo at least had that going for it. You need to aim a little more for the middle ground.

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I know what you mean Ronars - I think naming is probably my biggest weakness now - it's the thing I find the most difficult, it always has been.

FYI, I thought about alternate words for symbol, holy etc, as an example, one alternate word considered was icon and another insignia - but they are just wrong for the item. They felt wrong immediately I tried them.

I went with "Projecting" as it seemed to track against both the playing with light aspects and also the projection of the burst locations. It had for me the right undertone.

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Anthony Adam wrote:
I know what you mean Ronars - I think naming is probably my biggest weakness now - it's the thing I find the most difficult, it always has been.

Naming is pretty hard to do. My default when naming something is to give it a name that is a description of what the item does. Then root around a thesaurus for novel sounding words. And finally, run the name against a few friends to see what they think. My metamorphosis saddle was originally called the shifting saddle.

Don't be afraid to bounce your ideas off of others. Ask them what they like and dislike about the item, its usefulnees, and flavour. I playtested mine for a session last year and led to a rewrite with additional usage restrictions. This year, there are a few interested people at the FLGS that plan on entering and we are going to do a meetup to practice (once the rules are posted). Mostly going over the formating of a magic item and the messageboards.

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Symbol of halos? (which are represented by the selected areas)
Charm of the three-fold icon? (represented by the maximum of three areas)

Part of the problem I'm seeing here is how mechanical your effect is. Sure, there's a holy symbol and some cool functionality, but it's all mechanics. Too much 'the cleric can select three areas', and not enough 'a ray of light descends from the heavens'. Perhaps you need to add a little more fluff to the item to find out what it really is?

Which, incidentally is an interesting thought - how easily an item can get mired down in it's own mechanics and forget it's not all about the numbers.

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Anthony Adam wrote:
Projecting Holy Symbol

Ok the confusion for me is mostly (if not completely) gone. Nice rewrite.

Holy Reaching Relic,
Channeling Tabernacle
Faithful's Phylactery
Haloic Symbol

sorry brainstorming names not helping much. You could also call out one Golarian deiety's specific symbol (spiral, lepidoptera, leaf, etc...)

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Jacob Trier wrote:
* Scroll case that can appear to be empty or contain only blank or non-magical paper.

Muscle Tearing Scroll Tube of Trier

Aura moderate abjuration and transmutation; CL 8th
Slot none; Price 26,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
Description
The many cracks, tears, and splits of scroll tube look as if the red leather will soon fall apart. The end caps made of cold iron, silver or adamantine bear an engraving of a bleeding scythe. The outside of the scroll tube can be peeled off to create a sheet of blank paper with the faint watermark of a raw muscle. The sheet causes the skin, bones, and flesh of a creature to rip and tear as easily as paper.
A successful touch attack destroys the sheet and deals 1d6 bleed damage as the target’s skin becomes nearly translucent and the muscles below show through. The target also becomes more susceptible to wounding in one of three ways as chosen by the user.
*reduce the target’s damage reduction by five points,
*double the threat range of any weapons against the target,
*or increase the critical multiplier of all weapons against the target by 1 (a x2 becomes a x3).

The susceptibility and bleed condition last for three rounds. Three sheets can be peeled off the tube per day, though a creature can only be affected by one at a time. Scrolls in the tube can not be accessed while the sheet is active.
A scrollmaster wizard may opt to instead wield the sheet with his Scroll Blade or Scroll Shield abilities as if it were a third level scroll. Used in this way the sheet lasts for three rounds and its damaging properties do not activate.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, keen edge, stoneskin ; Cost 13,000 gp

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Thoughts on this item? It's certainly not Superstar -- it's a bunch of feats in a can and is sort of a campaign item, since I'm about to give it out to a player -- but I thought I'd solicit some feedback.

I know I'm lacking a description of the item, but I was more curious about feedback on the actual abilities at the moment than trying to fancy up a way to describe a plain white feather quill (shades of my first practice item, which was just a stick).

Pricing was giving me some fits. Neil notes investing a feat in a wondrous item is typically 5,000 gp, but this invests a slew of feats. On the other hand, I tried to nerf it down a lot so it's only one at a time and keeps some of the usual metamagic restrictions. (I also wasn't sure about the caster level so just took my cue from the metamagic rods.)

Metamagic Quill
Aura strong (no school); CL 17th
Slot none; Price 10,000 gp; Weight --
Description
The quill lets the user add almost any single metamagic feat to a spell being scribed onto a scroll. The spell is affected in all ways as if it were normally prepared with the metamagic feat by the caster, including level adjustments (thus a wizard would have to be able to cast a sixth-level spell to create a scroll of maximized fireball using the quill and would have to use materials necessary to scribe the higher-level spell).

The metamagic quill only affects one spell at a time; until that scroll is cast or otherwise destroyed, the quill works only as a high quality, but mundane, writing instrument.

The quill does not let the user add Echoing Spell, Quicken Spell, Silent Spell or Still Spell.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Scribe Spell, any metamagic feat; Cost 5,000 gp

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Neil Spicer wrote:
This can't be stated enough. What Clark has asserted here is ABSOLUTELY true. Awesome ideas will always trump the nit-picky stuff.

You know, I used a poor choice of words when I said "nit picky." Let me rephrase: "technical perfection."

Neil is the ultimate Superstar. Not only does he bring the awesome all the time, but his technical perfection is just absolutely amazing.

My phrase "nit pick" really doesnt do justice to the truly amazing technical proficiency that Neil has and that the best superstars have. I dont want to say that you shouldnt strive for it--you should! But as Neil echoes my sentiments, that technical perfection is not what we are looking for out of the box. Sure it helps. And it may elevate an average submission into the keep pile just from technical brilliance. But as Neil says, "awesome ideas trump" the technical perfection.

Keep that in mind!

Thanks for the back up Neil! And by the way, I bow before your technical perfection. You are, truly, the man.

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Curaigh wrote:
Anthony Adam wrote:
Projecting Holy Symbol

Ok the confusion for me is mostly (if not completely) gone. Nice rewrite.

Holy Reaching Relic,
Channeling Tabernacle
Faithful's Phylactery
Haloic Symbol

sorry brainstorming names not helping much. You could also call out one Golarian deiety's specific symbol (spiral, lepidoptera, leaf, etc...)

It does help - when people post names / words I hadn't considered, I get to expand my vocabulary in different ways. There is often a surprising word that makes me go - "ohhh, hadnt considered using that word" - e.g. Tabernacle - I simply hadn't thought of that word in this context. Reaching was another word I'm kicking myself for not thinking of - as the item dealt with reach >.<

I also wanted to avoid deity names as that might make people think it was restricted to just that deity.

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Metamagic Quill

Being thorough in my review in order to practice, so here goes...

Note sure about the Aura - will have to look that up to see if it is valid. One way around that would be adding a magical effect to the scribing action which would provide an aura :p

For example, say the quill was absorbed into the scroll during the writing process and was returned when the scroll was consumed, you could go with some sort of transmutation type spell for that effect. It would also enforce the one use issue - nothing worse than finding a one use quill but it is in status until some scroll somewhere in the world gets used to free it up.

It also opens possibilities in game, we found a magic scroll! Later on, use scroll - what? where did this quill come from?

I think it could be quite fun, an item that hides itself inside consumables.

You state in the description "almost any" - which makes me wonder which ones it does allow and which it does not. I don't find out until right at the end. You could save your self some words by merging the two... "allows any metamagic feat except a,b,c to be scribed..."

I wonder if this should be reworked in some way - providing a list doesnt allow for new metamagic feats introduced later. So think about what allows or disallows a meta magic feat and see if that helps.

I found this phrase a bit clunky "metamagic feat to a spell" - I know what you mean, but I do wonder if there are metamagic feats that don't affect spells. Also as you are scribing to a scroll, that kind of forces spell use - you may want to consdier rewording such that the application of the feat is being scribed and not the feat itself (if you catch my drift) - maybe something like

"when preparing a scroll, this quill allows the caster to scribe a spell inclusive of the application of a single metamagic feat to the scroll".

I think the bit in brackets comes under don't restate the rules - you said the caster must be able to prepare the spell inclusive of the metamagic feat - that should be sufficient.

Replace user with caster might be appropriate but may also cause some rewording to be needed to read better.

Finally, what happens if the scroll is destroyed - would that count as usingthe scroll to free up the quill for another use?

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Hey Curaigh - a few thoughts on your scroll...

I was about to congratulate you on your usual immaculate template use and then Template Fu woke up, sniffed the air, mentioned it's nearly December and feeding time and decided to snack on the space between stoneskin and the semi colon - looks like he's back on form and raring to go :D

I like your description but I think we probably both suffer sometimes from the over wordiness. E,g. In the first sentence, splits, cracks, tears - do we need all three or just two (or even one) of these words. Similarly the second sentence, 3 construction materials on the end caps listed - just one may have sufficed, or even none, just the mention of the engraving on the end cap seems the more important element of this descriptive line.

I liked the analogy to toilet roll paper - wonder if that makes a dire wolf pup the fantasy equivalent of the Andrex puppy >.<

The first effect, reducing damage reduction - if there is no damage reduction does it introduce vulnerability of 5 points instead?

Doubling a weapons threat range felt a bit excessive to me, an 18-20 weapon would become a 15-20 weapon - and then I wondered if feats that extend crit range would be included or not. I think a simple +1 to the crit range would be sufficient here, but that's just the designer side of me being wary of bending but not breaking game balance.

The phrase "cannot be accessed while the sheet is active" - since we aren't precluded from having all 3 sheets being used in a single combat against different targets, I think it might be better to say "any sheet" rather than "the sheet" as you could across 3 rounds end up with 2 active sheets - round 1 touch attack, sheet active, round 2 pull next sheet, round 3 touch attack, both sheets active now.

I'd also like to confirm that the peeling of a sheet from the tube - is it move, standard or swift. As written, with the default standard action, you can't peel a sheet and then do your touch attack in the same round - just checking that is your intent.

Can you pull a sheet if you already have a sheet pulled? If so, as a player preparing for combat (e.g. before opening the door), I would give a sheet, one each, to the three front line melee people to use in their first rounds.

Which of course begs the question, is it only the sheet puller who can use the sheet? What would stop me giving the tube to player 1, who pulls his sheet, passes it to player 2 who pulls sheet 2, etc - this is another potential fudge way of abusing the separated sheets.

Other than that, I really liked what you were trying for here.

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Hey all

As usually happens, I start out by tackling an idea (in this case the potion pet) and end up with something completely different.

The novel twist on this one is an item powered through the consumption of consumables (in this case potions).

This one was a right pain to price >.<

Lost Catcher
Aura medium evocation; CL 7th
Slot neck; Price 7,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
Description

An exquisitely crafted clear glass periapt, shaped by an artisan into the form of a running humanoid wielding a butterfly net, hangs from a silver chain necklace. Closer inspection reveals the head unscrews to allow liquid to be poured and stored within.

A caster wearing a lost catcher who chooses to lose a memorized spell in favor of another will find the chosen lost spell is caught within the glass net, appearing as a miniature flickering emerald butterfly, provided no other spell is currently caught and the lost catcher is currently empty of liquid. Such a caught spell dissipates becoming truly lost one hour after capture.

Pouring any magical potion into the lost catcher causes the lost spell to merge with the potion, negating its original effects and consuming it entirely.

When the caster drinks the resulting liquid, it restores their lost spell. Only the caster of the lost spell can benefit from this liquid, any other drinker becomes sickened for 10 minutes per spell level of the lost spell. Emptying the figurine will cause the lost spell to dissipate immediately.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, imbue with spell ability; Cost 3,500 gp

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Anthony Adam wrote:
Lost Catcher

I get the imagery, but I think it needs some work.

Quote:
An exquisitely crafted clear glass periapt, shaped by an artisan into the form of a running humanoid wielding a butterfly net, hangs from a silver chain necklace.

Drop the artisan, form, and the commas.

Quote:
A caster wearing a lost catcher who chooses to lose a memorized spell in favor of another will find the chosen lost spell is caught within the glass net, appearing as a miniature flickering emerald butterfly, provided no other spell is currently caught and the lost catcher is currently empty of liquid.

Giant run on sentance that hurts me lil noggin'.

Quote:
Such a caught spell dissipates becoming truly lost one hour after capture.

How long will the potion last once combined?

Quote:
Pouring any magical potion into the lost catcher causes the lost spell to merge with the potion, negating its original effects and consuming it entirely.

"negating the potions original effects" would be better. Try to keep away from "it(s)" and be more definitive. "consuming it entirely" leads me to believe there is nothing left.

Quote:
Emptying the figurine will cause the lost spell to dissipate immediately.

But the spell is already gone when it merged with the potion.

I like the idea. A cleric could prepare restoration and lose it in favor of cure critical wounds. Drop in a 25 gp 0 level potion and save yourself having to wait another day for the spell or paying 280 gp for spellcasting services. This item would pay for itself quickly using just 4th level spells and even quicker for higher levels since there are no limits to how many times per dy it could be used.

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Yeah, the duration of catchement is an hour, that's it. You just need to pour the potion in within that hour in order to then drink the result and restore your lost spell. That could have definitely been clearer.

Getting closer now I think, and I seem to be sticking with my core a lot better avoiding the dreaded SAK trap.

He he, naming again - I am starting to hate naming with a passion.

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Really quick initial reactions. (I'm, ummm, not much of a deep-delve person.)

Muscle Tearing Scroll Tube of Trier

Curaigh wrote:
The many cracks, tears, and splits of scroll tube look as if the red leather will soon fall apart. The end caps made of cold iron, silver or adamantine bear an engraving of a bleeding scythe.

I like this as an initial description. Clear and crisp, with real character. Something that's worn and tattered, yet still impressive.

Quote:
The outside of the scroll tube can be peeled off to create a sheet of blank paper with the faint watermark of a raw muscle.

I'm not sure I'mm seeing the visual here. I peel at cracked leather, and pry up a piece of paper? This might have been better as a skin or a membrane - something which seems more natural to peel off the object you've described.

(I'd even consider having a rolled-up scroll appear inside, with the same effect - though I see that violates the challenge terms :P )

Quote:
The sheet causes the skin, bones, and flesh of a creature to rip and tear as easily as paper.

This is a hype-line: you're trying to tell us why the item's cool. These are always very tempting, but they often fall between the flavorful item description, and the actual crunch of what the item can do. It's very attractive since it "sets up" the crunch, telling us why the item's worthwhile in an overall, thematic manner.

Problem is, most "real" magic items don't do that. They say what they do. Vague descriptions that aren't clear mechanically can come off as hand-waving, as raising colorful smoke without providing actual content. Remember that every word should count - so the moment you see you need one sentence to explain the fluff of what it does, and a second to explain the mechanics, those two could probably be put together. They'd work more tightly and flow more naturally.

For example, in this case, you might consider finding a tighter combination of the two: "A successful touch attack causes a target's skin to peel away, ripping and tearing like paper, growing translucent and exposing the muscles underneath. The target suffers 1d6 bleed damage, and gains one of the following three vulnerabilities (user's choice)." Practically identical, but skips the introductory hype, and works in the paper simile and the special effects.

Quote:
The target also becomes more susceptible to wounding in one of three ways as chosen by the user.

I'd caution against a full trio of effects. It eats wordcount and complicates pricing. One clear effect might be better than an open buffet. Not, mind you, that I don't like the effects :)

Quote:
A scrollmaster wizard may opt to instead wield the sheet with his Scroll Blade or Scroll Shield abilities as if it were a third level scroll. Used in this way the sheet lasts for three rounds and its damaging properties do not activate.

This is a whole 'nother ability, very different from what we've seen so far, and it feels tacked on to me.

Lost Catcher

Anthony, I really liked your description of the item - it's very detailed and would be fun to describe to players. Sounds like a unique item to find!
I'm not clear on the mechanics, though. What's "choosing to loose a memorized spell in favor of another"? I remain a PF n00b, so this is probably some rule I've just never gotten around to reading. Something that helps out wizards who lose spells in casting mishaps seems to me like a really cool idea! But it sounds like you're referring to something else - and I'm worried, from your phrasing, that casters might be able to use this to easily gain extra spells.

Metamagic Quill

This one has me on edge... giving someone access to any metamagic feat? Intuitively, that sounds pretty crazy... and it reduces the coolness of actually learning a metamagic feat.

I really don't like the "any metamagic effect except..." element. What if tomorrow a new sourcebook has a dozen new metamagic feats - are they allowed, or not? I see the logic, but it's more brittle than you think.

I'm also concerned about the coupling between the quill and the scroll. I scribe a scroll; I lose the scroll (or give it to somebody, or whatever). Now I have no idea when, if ever, I can use the quill again... Not unreasonable, but somewhat odd.

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Anthony Adam wrote:
Lost Catcher

It took me a while to wade through what this does, but I like the idea.

*"An exquisitely crafted clear glass periapt, shaped by an artisan into the form of a running humanoid wielding a butterfly net, hangs from a silver chain necklace." could be "an exquisite glass periapt of a human running with a butterfly net." (& even then it is still wordy :)
**Can you reduce each paragraph you have into single sentence, or each sentence into an SVO statement. or the whole thing into a bullet list? I think that will help (like me) simplify the item and the writing.
***power problem here. I can drop a 9th level spell (summon elemental swarm) cast summon nature's ally IX, drink a potion and summon an elemental swarm.* I might limit the level of spell the item can catch, maybe to third (per potion rules or pearl of power) or the time it remains or the number of times a day it can be used.

I admittedly was confused over the 'loses a prepared spell' sentence. I would call out 'spontaneous casting'. I know there is a lot of confusion between spontaneous casting and spontaneous caster, but the latter is going away (the word spontaneous does not even appear under sorcerer or bard. :) Sure it would be easier of they were known as 'innate casters' but that is not for us to worry about here :)

On the pricing concerns: a pearl of power (which can only do one spell a day and then only of a certain level) hits 8,000 gp at level 4. 9th level is 40,500 gp.
*

Spoiler:
OK I liked playing summoners before they were a class...
in 20 minutes I can have a 3-5 elder elementals, 1d4 huge elementals, & 2d4 large elementals, for the price of a bag of holding. :)

EDIT: really liked the image of the butterfly in the net showing the spell being caught. :)

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Jacob W. Michaels wrote:
Metamagic Quill

*for naming (and description) I would look at the feathers of magical creatures, Lillend Feather Quill, Last Quill of the Autumn Cuotal, Phoenix Feather Quill.

**Scribe Scroll (not spell)
***For a 17th level caster the item seems too cheap. The difference in cost between a fireball scroll and maximized fireball scroll is about 1,300 gp. This isn't a scroll so that is not a great balance, but between that and the 5k/feat this price seems good enough for me. (it didn't, gut says it is too cheap for a maximized or empowered or...). hmmm... a rod of maximize is 14,000. Can one use the rod in scribing a scroll? if so the balance is way off.

I like giving a creation feat in an item & on a scroll it is quite useful. Nice job. :)

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Hah! "Last Quill of the Autumn Cuotal" is great.

I've been throwing around an idea for the past few days that I'm sure will go past the 300 word mark. But practicing will be good. And if I get it below 300, I'm buying myself a beer.

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Curaigh wrote:
Last Quill of the Autumn Cuotal

Easy now.

Besides...

Spoiler:
It's "couatl"... ;-)

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Curaigh wrote:

Power problem...

I had thought about this, and I looked into trying to come up with a potions vs spell level, or gp of potions per spell level type of scaling cost. I kept hitting a huge wall of words coupled with a not happy gut feel about either method of scaling.

This one I think was a "bite too much to chew" item in the end.

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Standback wrote:
What's "choosing to loose a memorized spell in favor of another"? I remain a PF n00b, so this is probably some rule I've just never gotten around to reading.

Hi Standback

This was referring to a cleric's ability to swap out a memorised spell in favour of a curing (or inflicting) spell. It's something clerics get to do once they have chosen their alignment.

I was trying (unsuccessfully it seems) to word it in such a way as to avoid tying the item to clerics and preclude future classes which may have a spell swap out mechanic.

I hope that helps - For your info and reference, scroll down to Spontaneous Casting in the PRD for clerics here.

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You know, if you're worried about the difference in value between a high level spell and a low level potion being used to contain said spell, you could always decide to require material components each time this happens. Like how a cauldron of ressurection allows you to cast raise the dead, but still requires material components.

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Anthony Adam wrote:
I was trying (unsuccessfully it seems) to word it in such a way as to avoid tying the item to clerics and preclude future classes which may have a spell swap out mechanic.

An insight I think I've gained from this contest is this: you often have an idea you feel would be really easy to generalize over many cases. Question this feeling. It's often the sign of house-ruling and hand-waving - since it's obvious to you how the item would work in many different scenarios, you might not see that your text doesn't explain it adequetly. In addition, even if you can write a clear generalization, it eats up wordcount and often provides opportunities for odd corner-cases and other types of potential abuse.

If you can make your item radically simpler and clearer by restricting it to a specific, well-defined case, it's often better to do that.

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I've found that too, in item creation and adventure writing. Always try your hardest to discuss only what will happen, not what might happen. Adding a maybe requires word count to clairify, and leaves room for abuse.

Remember, this stuff is magic. You're allowed to add cases where it just does or doesn't work.

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I got PM'd a question by a lurker, here is my answer shared for all to yay, nay, correct, agree of disagree with as it is related to the competition wondrous item round.

Question: Can I have an item with CL 1st/2nd?

Now I could have just said, "Are there any in the rule books?", but I felt the questioner wanted to see how / might appreciate a more in depth answer, so here goes... It's tricky to explain, but, yes, you can.

Now, Create Wondrous Item says the prerequisite is Caster Level 3. This is probably the root of the question.

If you are multi classed, you could be a 3rd level caster in one class and a 1st or 2nd level caster in another (Say Wiz 3/ Cle 1). This means you have a character level of 4 (which is different from Caster Level)

Now, your Caster Level according to the rules states it is "equal to her class level in the class she's using to cast the spell". So this character has two caster levels, one of 3 and one of 1.

The caster level 3 facilitates the requirement for the feat, so you can have the necessary feat for this character. The item you make using the feat could be using a spell in it's creation from your other casting class. So for the item, you have a CL of 1st.

This is how you get to create an item with a CL of 1st or 2nd (less than what is needed for the creation feat itself).

I hope that makes sense (and hope it is correct :) - do shout if not as I wouldn't want to lead anyone astray.


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*sniff*

I detect the delicious aroma of formatting / template issues.

*drools*

Hungry!!

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From the reject pile, a consumable SIAC SAK:

Skrink
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 2,500 gp; Weight --
Description

Dark green ink swirls inside a corked crystal vial. Once opened, the ink wafts out more like a gas than a liquid; when applied to paper, the words literally leap from the page until dry. This ink is infused with a refined, relatively safe version of the flying, nattering skrik nettle's levitation-inducing venom.

Dousing an inanimate object with a full vial of skrink causes it to levitate 10 feet as per the spell for 1d4 rounds.

The effect also applies to living creatures who drink skrink and fail a DC 20 Fortitude save, but they cannot control the levitation and take falling damage if applicable when the effects wear off. For 2d6 rounds after consuming skrink, the drinker also speaks in an unnaturally high-pitched voice that reduces its Charisma by 1 and increases the DC of all speech-related checks by 5.

A skrink tattoo makes its bearer feel as light as a skink nettle--and as mindlessly chatty. A tattoo that consumes three vials of skrink increases Dexterity by 1 but inflicts a -2 penalty to speech-related Charisma checks.

Leather, cloth, wooden, and hide armors and containers can be dyed by soaking the item in a full vial's worth of skrink overnight. Dyed items weigh half as much, and dyed containers reduce the weight of their contents by a quarter.

A vial of skrink can coat up to five thrown weapons or pieces of projectile weapon ammunition. The single-use coating reduces the ranged attack penalty by 1 per full range increment.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous item, levitation; Cost 1,250 gp

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Skrink

My first comment is... what's (a?) skrink? Proceeding into the item, you claim it is ink infused with skrik venom. I can, now, see where the name comes from. But before we continue... I had to search four places before I found what a skrik nettle was. I mean, there's a good chance the judges will have read most of the adventures in the adventure paths, but remembering one creature mentioned in one adventure two and a half years old is way too obscure.

Perhaps skrink vial? Imply more what the thing is, than simply what appears to be a random string of letters. It's... a substance that does a whole lot of things.

And that's a concern, too. This item does five different things (or maybe seven). That's three too many. One cool power is good. A secondary effect can be cool. A third power feels too much like reaching. Five powers shows you're clearly reaching for everything tied to a theme or effect, not focusing on one thing that could make it superstar.

And, on that note, none of these powers are too awesome, really. Levitating an item for 2.5 rounds. Or possibly a creature. A... permanent (?) Dexterity bonus is nice, but not superstar (and way mispriced if it is permanent). Altering armor properties (again, duration?) is more of an armor effect - but I like reducing the weight of items inside a container. And then an effect that could be a weapon effect.

You need more focus. I wrote an article for an e-zine last year that spoke of the three "F"s - Flavor, Focus and Formatting. You've got a little of the first, and a good amount of the last, but no focus.

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Garrett Guillotte wrote:

From the reject pile, a consumable SIAC SAK:

Skrink

Agreed with Ronars this is carrying it too far into SAK, however you call it that from the start and this is only a practice thread.

*how much is a skrink, volume wise? If I get a tattoo out of three vials of the stuff it should cover every square inch of my body. Armor only takes one vial. And one vial also covers five arrows. So five arrows equals leather armor equals one third of my flesh (me thinks there is a chainmail bikini joke in here somewhere... :)
**literally? the ink floats off the page if I am reading this correctly. Do they stay as words or does the ink float into a gas?
***charisma reduction is not really a reduction. Some characters will be affected, but not many. also I think it will give a _penalty_ to speech-related checks as the affected character is making the check. The DC should be a static number (I could be wrong on this, but my having shaky hands does not mean the lock itself is more complicated--or that my swollen hands makes a wall harder for the rest of the party to climb). Mathematicaly this amounts to the same thing, and in home games I think is often treated the same. Also these penalties can be avoided 99% of the time: a character decides they need to levitate meaning they are no longer in a discussion with the city guards.

I dinnae think the latter abilities are SIAC. Playing around with weight limits, range increments and dex bonus are not a part of the levitation spell. Other spells might cover this (ant haul frex), but I think this otherwise plays with the rules in a good way.
Nice job :)

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This week or next are probably the beginning of RPGSS 2013 so this is the last chance for practice item. I have a couple rewrites to do myself, but has this thread run its course?

How did you do? Did you make a deadline, stick to it? Did you practice rewrites and skin-thickening? Did you get 9 good contenders? Has your template fu advanced a belt? Do you know what to alphabetize, italicize, and capatilize?

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RonarsCorruption wrote:
I had to search four places before I found what a skrik nettle was. I mean, there's a good chance the judges will have read most of the adventures in the adventure paths, but remembering one creature mentioned in one adventure two and a half years old is way too obscure.

Ah, but this is just

Spoiler:
part of my master plan to get skrik nettles their rightful place in a Bestiary book.
RonarsCorruption wrote:
Perhaps skrink vial? Imply more what the thing is, than simply what appears to be a random string of letters.

Agreed. I'd tweaked the name several times and eventually gave up on it. It might stand out, but probably not in a good way.

RonarsCorruption wrote:
Five powers shows you're clearly reaching for everything tied to a theme or effect, not focusing on one thing that could make it superstar.

That's the rub. I couldn't shake this idea but couldn't brainstorm one really good power worth running with it. I tried mashing several together to see if that could spark... anything. This is pared down, actually.

On one hand I wanted to grab the chaos of the First World, and this item is certainly chaotic in a too-much-going-on-at-once way. But that's also it's biggest problem.

RonarsCorruption wrote:
And, on that note, none of these powers are too awesome, really. Levitating an item for 2.5 rounds. Or possibly a creature. A... permanent (?) Dexterity bonus is nice, but not superstar (and way mispriced if it is permanent). Altering armor properties (again, duration?) is more of an armor effect - but I like reducing the weight of items inside a container. And then an effect that could be a weapon effect.

Great point about being too vague about duration. (The intent was permanence on the tattoo and armor mods, which should probably add permanency to the requirements and vastly change the price.) The original concept was focused on weight reduction, which didn't seem superstar by itself... and that realization is where the process jumped the rails on this item.

RonarsCorruption wrote:
You need more focus. I wrote an article for an e-zine last year that spoke of the three "F"s - Flavor, Focus and Formatting. You've got a little of the first, and a good amount of the last, but no focus.

This makes me feel that much better about putting this one in my reject pile (and keeping the more focused items in my keep pile). I'll still likely keep tweaking it, but it's way far from ready for RPGSS.

Curaigh wrote:
(me thinks there is a chainmail bikini joke in here somewhere... :)

Just strap two skrik nettles over your chest. What could possibly go wrong?

Curaigh wrote:

also I think it will give a _penalty_ to speech-related checks as the affected character is making the check

...

Other spells might cover this (ant haul frex)

Oh man, great catches. I completely forgot about ant haul. Thanks!

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Curaigh wrote:

This week or next are probably the beginning of RPGSS 2013 so this is the last chance for practice item. I have a couple rewrites to do myself, but has this thread run its course?

How did you do? Did you make a deadline, stick to it? Did you practice rewrites and skin-thickening? Did you get 9 good contenders? Has your template fu advanced a belt? Do you know what to alphabetize, italicize, and capatilize?

I think my items got better and I think I started to tighten up on keeping the power list to a main and up to 2 or 3 minors.

I also got the a couple of thumbs up amongst the more cautionary feedback items with a recent review by chief superstar Neil - having not managed that before, I feel pretty chuffed.

The real challenge for me now is to pick the right item, maintain the focus and superstarness.

Only the competition itself will tell if I can manage this, but I'm going to give it a good go.

On the positive side, either way, I will be a participant again this year, as someone with a shiny new forum label or in my "-Fu" guises in the open feedback threads.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

Garrett, I'd echo a lot of the other comments about the skrink. As Curaigh said, I don't think the latter items were SIAC, but there was definitely a lot going on with the item. I like a lot of the powers, but the Charisma bonus, while I can see where it's coming from, definitely seems like an odd aspect.

Curaigh, I think the thread will die off once the new season starts, but it's definitely nearing its end. Personally, I've enjoyed it a lot. I didn't really worry about keeping to a schedule, but I came up with a handful of items I thought were fun, even if all of them still needed some work. I probably should have done a bit more with rewriting, but still, I think/hope it helped me catch a few design traps I've fallen into.

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I also didn't stick to a schedule so much as concentrated on my weaker areas - I know I can do technical, I know I can read the rules fully.

I'm hopeful that I can now avoid all of the auto rejects and I hope I have developed a skill of looking at the base rules and spotting interesting areas to work in.

I am now at that awkward stage of determining whether my ideas are "superstar" (or "superstar enough to get noticed"). Looking back through the thread this year, it seems that as I progressed, my items were improving with each submission not just in execution, but also in appeal.

Going through my current list for this year, I am now down to only 2 candidates that could be "superstar material", I really wanted 4 or more to choose from, but they haven't announced yet, so I still have some time to expand that list a little.

The one's that I have rejected - I have rejected as meme, gross out/inappropriate for the target audience and good enough for a book reasons.

How's everyone else doing - do you have your item candidates yet?

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Here's an item I started developing last year but abandoned it in favor of much better items. It's just far too unexciting. But since I guess I need a little practice so I can get into the top 32 again (and beyond), I spent some time to finish it. 245 words.

Flask of Liquid Darkness

Aura faint conjuration and evocation; CL 3rd

Slot none; Price 6,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.

Description

This metal flask bears a dark, bitter smell reminiscent of licorice, and light seems to bend unnaturally around it. If the bottle remains in an area of darkness, droplets of liquid darkness condense on the inside of the flask, filling it at a rate of one ounce per hour, up to a maximum of eight ounces.

If exposed to any amount of light, the flask radiates a soft, dark unlight, causing the light level to drop in a 5-foot radius by one step. This usage expends one ounce of liquid darkness per hour.

If you open the flask in an area of dim, normal or bright light, the liquid darkness immediately begins to vaporize, creating a cloud of mist similar to obscuring mist. However, since the mist is created by vaporizing darkness, creatures with darkvision can see through the mist normally. Each ounce of liquid darkness sustains the mist for one minute.

If you drink the liquid darkness, the whites of your eyes turn black and your eyesight is reversed with regards of how your eyes react to light. You can see in supernatural darkness as though it was bright light, in darkness as though it was normal light, and so on. This effect lasts for one minute per ounce of liquid darkness.

Construction Requirements

Craft Wondrous Item, darkness, darkvision, obscuring mist; Cost 3,000 gp


*Zoooooom*

*Munch*

Requirements should not be on the same line as Construction

*Pats belly*

Yum!

If... is kind of weaker than saying what you do do.

If you open the flask in an area of dim light... weak

Opening the flask in an area of dim light... stronger and less words too.

(I'll have a proper longer look later, but that was the leap out stuff, hope it helps.)

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Mikko Kallio wrote:
Flask of Liquid Darkness

Let me start off by saying I want one of these for my newest PFS character! Seems designed to suit him to a T.

Anthony is correct concerning the "If". Get rid of them! "When exposed", "Opening the flask", and "When you drink" are all more definitive.

First problem: Uses per day = ~24! Your cost is far too low for the abilities you are granted using this item.

Darklight: This reduces any penalties a creature with light blindness or sensitivity would suffer. Having 2 of these flasks means the creature is never inconvenienced by light. Plus normal light is reduced to dim light which gives the bearer 20% concealment and dim light is reduced to darkness giving the bearer 50% concealment. Used in conjunction with the darkness spell makes this item very useful. In complete darkness does it create magical darkness?

Darkcloud: Is it useable in only 1 ounce or 1 minute increments?

Light Inversion: Same comments concerning light blindness/sensitivity. Allowing creatures to see in magical darkness is pretty high level ability. True seeing can't be used before 9th level. And a fetchling would have to spend its 1st, 3rd, and 5th level feats to gain the ability to see in the darkness. An 8th level cleric with the darkness domain has a very limited ability to see in magical darkness.

This item is also similar to lantern of dancing shadows, which I found doing a quick search of the PRD. A check through the PRD is always recommended!

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Mikko Kallio wrote:


Description
This metal flask bears a dark, bitter smell reminiscent of licorice, and light seems to bend unnaturally around it. If the bottle remains in an area of darkness, droplets of liquid darkness condense on the inside of the flask, filling it at a rate of one ounce per hour, up to a maximum of eight ounces.

If exposed to any amount of light, the flask radiates a soft, dark unlight, causing the light level to drop in a 5-foot radius by one step. This usage expends one ounce of liquid darkness per hour.

If you open the flask in an area of dim, normal or bright light, the liquid darkness immediately begins to vaporize, creating a cloud of mist similar to obscuring mist. However, since the mist is created by vaporizing darkness, creatures with darkvision can see through the mist normally. Each ounce of liquid darkness sustains the mist for one minute.

If you drink the liquid darkness, the whites of your eyes turn black and your eyesight is reversed with regards of how your eyes react to light. You can see in supernatural darkness as though it was bright light, in darkness as though it was normal light, and so on. This effect lasts for one minute per ounce of liquid darkness.

Huh, I actually think it's pretty interesting, though I can see why you perhaps felt it wasn't quite Superstar. The first power reminded me very much of the darklight candle that IIRC made the keep file but not the final cut (one of my personal favorites in the grouping); actually, if it weren't for that similarity, I think you'd probably have undersold it as not being interesting enough. I like the idea of the trio of powers and think all of them are well-linked and play well with the flask itself being the magic item.

I think you've got some great visuals. I love the idea of the drops of liquid darkness condensing inside. The one thing that I thought was a bit odd was that the flask itself smells of licorice -- love the concept of smelling like that (and the play with different senses) -- but I felt like the contents should be what smell, not the flask itself.

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