9 Blazing Months


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Ok, getting close to end of the month, so I hit the submit button with my finalized version... (now a consumable item). Enjoy.

Widow Hoop (289 Words):

Widow Hoop
Aura faint conjuration (creation); CL 5th
Slot hands; Price 3,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description

A silken hoop made from spun spider thread surrounds the splayed carcass of a black widow.

As a standard action, tug the spider from the hoop. It animates immediately, pulsating and twitching in your grasp. You can place the spider within a vehicle’s steering mechanism which it will envelop in a steely grasp. Alternatively, the spider can be placed or thrown onto the vehicle shell where it will scuttle into the recesses of the vehicle, finding and enveloping the steering control in 1d3 rounds +1 per 6 Vehicle Squares.

Hold the hoop and rotate it to instruct the spider to turn the vehicle in the direction of rotation. If the vehicle driver does not contest this turn, then the vehicle simply turns as instructed. To contest the turn, the vehicle driver makes a Turn driving check, DC 10 + the hoop user’s ranks in Profession (driver) to continue their own control. Failing by 10 or more results in the vehicle gaining the broken condition. If already broken, then it gains the wrecked condition.

Destroying the spider or the hoop will free the vehicle of any control by the hoop user. The spider has a hardness of 2 and 15 hit points; the hoop has hardness 1 and 5 hit points.

The spider releases the vehicle and drops to freedom when the hoop is more than a mile away, the vehicle is stationary for 4 consecutive rounds, or the hoop is destroyed.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, phantom driver; Cost 1,500 gp

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Anthony Adam wrote:
Curaigh wrote:
... I get more feedback on the rewrites than I am on the original write so far. ...

Does that make sense? It did when I typed it.

Aye, :)

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Anthony, I like a lot of the mechanical changes (giving the spider and hoop stats, about the spider scurrying away, which I think is a great visual), but I don't like how you made it second-person. None of the items that I think of just something like "tug the spider from the hoop," which makes it sound like the reader/player is doing. To pick a random example, pipes of the sewers reads "If the possessor learns the proper tune, he can use these pipes...," making it third person. I think you need to follow their example, though it will cost you some words.

However, what type of action is holding the hoop and rotating it? Standard? Move (which IIRC is what a driving action is)? Full?

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Dang it, missed the standard on the rotate. I had intended to add that there too!

Yeah, I agree, I need to work on third person next item - I think I am avoiding the over-thinking a lot better now.

Trying to think of something in another lesser explored area - I might have a read through my advanced races guide or distant worlds this weekend.

I might even have a go at an organisation, monster or villain for a change of pace.

As an aside (probably for the forum bods), is there a forum or area where we can upload images for map drawing practice and the like?

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Hang on till lunchtime (UK lunchtime that is :p), and I'll have a go at third person-ing it for practice and resubmitting.

I'll also add the missing action type on the rotation - thinking about move, but as your hands are tied, standard seems more appropriate to me as you can't really attack or cast spells while holding and rotating the hoop.

You also need to concentrate on how you turn the vehicle when not in the usual driver position in the vehicle and anyone trying to play with a RC car for the first time will tell you how you can get confused real easy and turn the wrong way :D

So I will probably stick with standard for now.

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I'd probably use Flickr or some similar picture-hosting site for maps.

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Ok, here's the slightly changed for third person version - no more edits on this one, so hopefully I have now answered everything for everyone.

Widow Hoop (289 words):

Widow Hoop
Aura faint conjuration (creation); CL 5th
Slot hands; Price 3,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description

A silken hoop made from spun spider thread surrounds the splayed carcass of a black widow. The spider is removed from the hoop with a swift tug whereupon it pulsates and twitches. Placing the now animate spider within a vehicle’s controls allows it to envelop the steering mechanism in a steely grasp. Alternatively, the spider can be placed or thrown onto the vehicle shell where it will scuttle into the recesses of the vehicle, finding and enveloping the steering control in 1d3 rounds +1 per 6 Vehicle Squares.

As a standard action, holding and rotating the hoop instructs the spider to turn the vehicle in the direction of rotation. If the vehicle driver does not contest the turn, then the vehicle simply turns as instructed. To contest the turn, the vehicle driver makes a Turn driving check to retain control of the vehicle, DC 10 + the hoop user’s ranks in Profession (driver). Failing by 10 or more results in the vehicle gaining the broken condition. If already broken, then it gains the wrecked condition.

Destroying the spider or the hoop will free the vehicle of any control by the hoop user. The spider has a hardness of 2 and 15 hit points; the hoop has hardness 1 and 5 hit points.

The spider releases the vehicle and drops to freedom when the hoop is more than a mile away, the vehicle is stationary for 4 consecutive rounds, or the hoop is destroyed.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, phantom driver; Cost 1,500 gp

For my next item, as I am now running Skulls and Shackles, I am thinking of having a go at something with pirate appeal, so far I have choices of...

Hook
Peg Leg
Flag
Belaying Pin
Skiff
Oar
Spyglass
Swabbing Mop
Glass Eye
Ear Rings

All have interesting possibilities, so any preferences/alternatives you would like me to have a stab at?

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New month, new age (I turned 27 on Archerfeast), new item.

I love this idea, but not only is it too similar to the very obvious gaming reference, the effect is still very similar to last year's spellbreaker gauntlets, so it's not the sort of item I would actually submit.

Also, as normal, I did a big rewrite at the last second in-post, so I'm sure I made some typos. Don't be afraid to call me out on it. ;)

Mirror Shield
Aura moderate abjuration; CL 15th
Slot none; Price 80,000 gp; Weight 6 lbs.
Description
This large glassy circle, bound in gold, is designed to be mounted on one's arm like a shield. However, it's brittle nature makes it unsuitable for such use directly - should a user use it as a shield it provides only a +1 shield bonus and immediately gains the Broken condition regardless of the effects of the attack, or shatters if already Broken. Where the mirror shield truly comes to life is spell-combat, where it has three daily charges the wearer can make use of.

As an immediate action, the bearer of the shield may expend one charge to deflect ray or gaze attack they are aware of and is targeted at them, harmlessly deflecting and dissipating the original energy.

Alternately, as a readied action, the bearer can instead reflect any gaze attack, ray or line spell targeted at them or that would otherwise have to pass through their space. The bearer of the mirror shield must be aware of the incoming attack, though they do not need to know of it's exact nature or even direction to reflect it.

When reflected, the original effect effectively ends in the bearer's square, and then re-originates from it in a direction of their choosing, exactly as if the original source was in the square, except that the maximum distance is reduced by the distance the effect traveled to reach the bearer's square.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, spell turning; Cost 40,000 gp

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Single letter missing maybe in the second para, that being an "a" as follows? I did struggle to spot anything obvious :D

"As an immediate action, the bearer of the shield may expend one charge to deflect a ray or gaze attack they are aware of and is targeted at them, harmlessly deflecting and dissipating the original energy."

Your template use seems pretty spot on as usual - well done.

As an immediate action can be performed at any time even if not your turn, you might want to clarify how many gazes/rays per round can be reacted to, e.g. if you have 3 charges, and are fighting 3 Medusa who all gaze at you ( or a single Medusa with 3 heads :P - hey, it could happen at some tables you know :D ) ... can you deflect all 3 in that round or just one?

If you have used your readied action to reflect, does this preclude you from then using immediate actions to deflect?

I did think it was quite expensive for a relatively easily breakable item, but that's just my gut reaction.

Hope this is useful to you.

I'm off now to reveal the Maiden in all her glory to a new set of swabs in the cage below decks,

"Arrrrrrr, they be fish bait afore they know it."

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Was looking through some spells, and I wonder if this might work better for the bifurcating belt than haste: Mirror strike

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Ronars, I like the concept, which is visually very cool. I could see a player wanting one of these strapped to his character's arm.

Typos/writing issues: Should it be "glassy" in the first sentence? Is it not actually glass? Maybe reflective?
You use "it's" instead of "its" in the second and sixth sentences.

Also, in the second sentence, I don't know if you need "should a user use it as a shield," which reads awkwardly with "user use." I think you could just say it gives a +1 shield bonus and immediately gains the broken condition (which doesn't need to be capitalized, I don't believe). Also, you say it gains the broken condition regardless of the effects of the attack: So even if an attacker misses, the shield breaks? Not sure you need to say it has three charges the wearer can make use of -- what else would happen with the charges? (Also should it be bearer? Not sure it matters, but I feel like one bears, not wears, a shield).

I agree it seems a bit expensive considering it's something that will have to be put on and off depending on the foe -- I might make it that it could reflect any attack or effect that targets the user three times a day. Obviously that gets rid of some of the idea you were going for, but otherwise I'd definitely drop the price. Also, I'd probably look at the item that didn't quite make it last year that was similar to the haunting glass (or spellblight cage) but with gaze effects. I forget what the judges said about that one, but it might apply here as well.

---

And now the companion piece to my still-needs-another-rewrite fetching stick, inspired by a certain dog who doesn't quite always get the retrieve part of fetch...

Fetching ball
Aura faint conjuration (teleportation); CL 1st
Slot none; Price 3,600 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This fist-sized ball, made of iron bands, thrums with energy, twitching in a user's hand.

When the user speaks the command word, the ball leaps from her hand toward any object within 400 feet that the user has dropped, thrown or fired, retrieving it and returning it to the user. This functions as if the object had the returning quality, though it will be returned to the square the user occupies even if she has moved from where she was when she dropped, threw or fired it. The fetching ball will retrieve one item per round and functions until the user speaks the command word again or the user has no more items to be returned within range.

The fetching ball has AC 20, 10 hit points and hardness 10. If it is damaged, it returns to the user without any object. Any hit that causes it to gain the broken condition or that happens after it has the broken condition causes it to fall to the ground and not function until a user gives it the command word again.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, returning weapon; Cost 1,800 gp

Part of me thinks this would have worked better as a construct, but I wanted to stay in Wondrous Items territory. Also not sure a ball is the best vessel for it, but since that's what I was playing with when I thought of if, that's what it stayed. I debated doing a bottle with some sort of phantasmal dog in it or something along those lines, but just went with my first inclination.

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I really like the latest version - just one thing didn't quite "sit right" with me in the description and that was a ball "twitching" - simply because I associate twitching with long thin limb like appendages on creatures, of which a ball has none.

Purely a personal thing - so ignore at your pleasure :)

I had a think and could only come up with these possible alternatives - wobble, shiver, and tremble. I did quite like the tremble of those.

Again, purely a personal preference on words, but was the only thing I could think of to actually feedback on.

Template was good, writing consistent and tight (at least for the untrained language person I am) - overall though, I liked it.

Now my brain kicks in, sigh,

I throw the ball out to 400 feet, it gathers an item returns to me. I'm guessing it hovers by me so that next round it automatically goes out to where it was thrown to get another item?

Or is it, after activation, anything in a 400 foot radius of the user and it moves to the closest item to be retrieved?

Finally, what happens if the ball approaches an item that qualifies for retrieval, but the item is restrained in some way (e.g. the big ogre is standing on the item, or the item has fallen into something really sticky and nasty requiring strength checks to free it, etc)?

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As to immediate actions: they use your next turn's swift action. So, yes, you could reflect one and deflect the second, but not two of either in the same turn - because you already used your swift action for the next round.

And, as to the easy breakability - if you choose not to take the shield bonus, your mirror won't be broken! Now, sure it wasn't terribly clear on that, but that was how it was intended.

I had also figured that, well, if the attack misses it would be because the attack bounced off the shield, right? Not because or armor or anything else. *sigh* I think that part needs a lot of a rework.


I was pointed to this thread by Sean K. Reynolds and love that there are so many posts practicing already. I will try to get in here and help critique as soon as I can get to a computer to do some actual typing. For now I will will lurk reading already posted submissions.


Ronars mirror shield is an interesting item that is immediately recognized to me. I feel that the fragility and slot of the item limit its potential. As a light shield that is no good as a shield, save for two rounds, I would need to retrieve it as a move action and then equip it as either a standard or full round action before I could use it. I also find myself asking if I need to avert my eyes while targeting the gaze giving me a 50% chance to still take the effect of the gaze. Clarification in this section would help. I think this might work well as a buckler that only gains the broken condition if I choose to add the shield bonus to my AC.


On Jacob's Fetching Ball I really like this version better than your first fetching stick. It is really useful to have a slew of returning items.

I found myself asking if the ball's movement would provoke attacks of opportunity.

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:


The fetching ball will retrieve one item per round and functions until the user speaks the command word again or the user has no more items to be returned within range.

I was confused about this part. If there is only one item to return, does it retrieve the item and then lie dormant because there are no more items to return?

I could see this item being better than the returning special weapon quality since it returns anything and not just a single item. A returning weapon would be a minimum would cost 6000gp since it requires an item to be +1 before returning can be added.

Can you have multiple fetching balls active? Could I have 6 different ones active and have all 6 of my daggers returned to me on the same turn?

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Wow, wrote walls of text in response, so I'm putting it behind spoiler tags...

Anthony 1:

Hmmm, tremble could indeed work better than twitch (though I think that twitch could work; think the Golden Snitch in the Harry Potter movies, maybe?). Was trying to capture the idea of the dog's nervous energy. Who knew my dog would inspire so many of my magic items? (Though I do see the fetching ball as different than the fetching stick, not just a different version of it.)

My thought was you actually just let the ball go (think the training orb on the Millennium Falcon, I guess? Or again a Golden Snitch, for that matter) and it darts out after any item in range in the order the user wants. No throwing necessary.

My original thought was it wouldn't pick up anything that's being restrained, but then I figured I'd revert to the already written rules to prevent confusion by saying it simply functions as if the item had the returning quality. I think that should cover the resistance possibilities (which is why I didn't mention that situation). Per the rules, by my reading, returning would be based off telekinesis so I'd think you'd resolve the combat maneuver to pull free that way (as per the TK spell), though with a caster level of 1, it's not going to pull something free very often. Still, I could look into spelling that out a bit.

Also, if you're doing some items with pirate appeal, you may want to consider submitting for Wayfinder 8: http://paizo.com/forums/dmtz622d?Community-Project-Wayfinder-8-Call-for#15 (not sure what their policy is on things that've been posted in the message boards, though; my guess is it's not something you should post here if you want to submit it, but you could certainly ask)...

Anthony 2:

Thanks, and welcome! Where'd Sean direct you from? (Just curious.)

I still like the fetching stick but I like this one too. I think I end up really falling in love with all my items. : ) I'll probably try throwing them in some of my PBPs, see how they work in game conditions. Definitely liked the usefulness of this idea and seemed like a neat way to take advantage of the spell.

Good question about the attacks of opportunity, which I probably should address. I think it might make sense if the object to be retrieved is in an area that's threatened that that would provoke, but otherwise it avoids moving through threatened areas.

As for the part you were confused about, my thought was that it would indeed return the one item and then lie dormant until it is activated again. The idea was to force players to use an action to activate it during combat instead of just saying it's always active and effectively giving the returning ability to everything.

I think you COULD have six balls active, but it would take some work. Each activation needs a standard action, so it would take six rounds to activate (assuming you don't have haste or some other way to activate them more quickly). Since they only stay active while there's stuff to fetch, you'd need to have a minimum of 21 things active so they have something to fetch each round while you activate them. Now I could easily see a way to game the system -- if you know you're going to enter combat momentarily, scatter 50 gp/pebbles/marbles/whatever around you, then activate the six fetching balls and have them collect coins until you're ready to enter combat and have them fetch more important things. (This does make me think about whether I need to address whether it needs to have something to retrieve immediately -- perhaps a line saying it goes dormant if it goes a full round without fetching something, so a character could activate it in Round 1 and then start throwing a dagger or Mjolnir or whatever in Round 2. Also should probably spell out that it fetches in the order the user specifies.)

Per your comment on pricing, do you think it's underpriced? Being able to use the returning weapon spell instead of telekinesis really let me cut down the price. I feel like it avoids the stacking problem, though, by requiring a standard action to activate and giving people a chance to make attacks on the ball and disable it. I've noticed that I tend to play in the cheaper end of the price pool for most of my items.

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Anthony A. Scott wrote:
I was pointed to this thread by Sean K. Reynolds and love that there are so many posts practicing already. I will try to get in here and help critique as soon as I can get to a computer to do some actual typing. For now I will will lurk reading already posted submissions.

Welcome to the party. Hope you enjoy your time here.

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Jacob W. Michaels wrote:


Also, if you're doing some items with pirate appeal, you may want to consider submitting for Wayfinder 8: http://paizo.com/forums/dmtz622d?Community-Project-Wayfinder-8-Call-for#15 ...

An interesting idea.

I must admit I am in two minds on this one - I still need more practice to come up to the standards I am seeing in current issues, and the feedback in this thread is amazing.

I guess I'm just not confident enough yet to consider myself ready for submitting for publication at that level.

I'll see how I feel once I have my new bit of practice work ready for forum posting.

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I think I'm seeing part of the problem with the whole shield-side of the mirror shield now - the fact that people think it has to be equipped like a shield. I mean, I know it's called a shield, and it looks like a shield, and it grants a shield bonus...

And I was about to say it was a wondrous item, but this is really more of a shield with a wondrous effect, isn't it? Grr.

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Anthony Adam wrote:
Jacob W. Michaels wrote:


Also, if you're doing some items with pirate appeal, you may want to consider submitting for Wayfinder 8: wayfinder ...

An interesting idea.

I must admit I am in two minds on this one - I still need more practice to come up to the standards I am seeing in current issues, and the feedback in this thread is amazing.

I guess I'm just not confident enough yet to consider myself ready for submitting for publication at that level.

I'll see how I feel once I have my new bit of practice work ready for forum posting.

Submit, submit, submit Anthony. Practice is practice (and that even includes the nasty side of rejections.) Also if wayfinder cannae use it you can submit something here later. Even better if you write a monster, or a villain, or an encounter, you will be practicing for later rounds. :) A question in the RPGSS panel was how to practice the later rounds and wayfinder is the perfect answer. :) pm me when you have a finished article and I will take a look at if for you. :)

Anthony A. Scott wrote:
I was pointed to this thread by Sean K. Reynolds and love that there are so many posts practicing already. I will try to get in here and help critique as soon as I can get to a computer to do some actual typing. For now I will will lurk reading already posted submissions.

[ooc]Welcome Anthony! Make sure to read the first couple of posts, and then give us something to work with.

I am guessing you met SKR at PaizoCon? I discovered quite a few people who lurk on this thread. You work here is being noticed for good or ill (make it good :)

I will post some critiques after I get caught up from the con.


To both Curaigh and Jacob I met Sean at Paizo Con and he directed me here.

Thanks for the welcomes everyone. I will do a submission tonight I think. I am going to revise my item that i submitted this year.

RonarsCorruption:

RonarsCorruption wrote:


And I was about to say it was a wondrous item, but this is really more of a shield with a wondrous effect, isn't it? Grr.

I think the item itself is fun, I just don't think it belongs as a shield in its current category. I think its straddling being a wondrous item or shield. You could easily change the design to be an amulet, a mask, or a magical mirror that does what you want. You could even go with a bracer if you like the idea of it being strapped to your arm.

Jacob:

I see your points about the standard action, I didn't read that part, or ignored it thinking that the ball would stay active fetching things. You make a good point about the pricing while it still requires a standard action. If I was to build a throwing character, I would likely have a few extra daggers and then activate the ball on round 2 or 3 ensuring it would stay active as long as I need it to.

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Anthony's spider needs something to hold onto! (good rewrite btw)

Minecart of Action and Adventure
Aura moderate conjuration and faint evocation; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 80,000 gp; Weight 400 lbs.
Description
This well-worn large steel minecart (5 ft. wide, 10 ft. long; 4 ft. high) looks like a rectangular bucket with 3 ft. tall sides, 4 small wheels, and a single lever on the front. The minecart is covered in shallow dents, scrapes, and rust. Moving the lever is a standard action. Pushing the lever forward, accelerates the minecart 30 ft. per round, to a max speed of 60 ft. The minecart holds up to 6 Medium or Small occupants and can carry 1,000 lbs without penalty. For each additional 100 lbs. reduce the max speed by 10 ft., except when moving downhill, increase the speed by 10 ft. instead.

The max speed is reduced by half on a 10-45 degree upslope and can’t move on a larger upslope. The max speed is doubled on a 10-45 degree downslope and tripled on a greater downslope. The minecart accelerates on a downslope unless decelerated. The minecart is decelerated 30 ft. per round by pulling back the lever, requiring a Strength ability check (DC 10 + 2 per 30 ft. of current speed). The minecart is turned by moving the lever in the desired direction of the turn and making a driving check (Knowledge (arcana) or Profession (driver)). A single co-driver can Aid Another for all checks. For each occupant leaning in the direction of the turn, decrease the DC by 2.

The minecart of action and adventure has AC 9, hardness 20, 40 hp, CMB +1, and CMD 11. Ramming the minecart reduces the ramming damage by one size category.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, floating disk, phantom chariot; Cost 40,000 gp

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Just popped in for a teabrerak and saw a title that instantly conjured the Indiana Jones Mine Rollercoaster - so going to read that tonight !

Instant reaction on a quick scan was the "what? no wheelie?" :P

Seriously though, 6 medium adventurers might come to more than 1,000 lbs if you have some beefy fighter/barbarian/plate wearing tank types in that mix of 6.

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Anthony Adam wrote:

Just popped in for a teabrerak and saw a title that instantly conjured the Indiana Jones Mine Rollercoaster - so going to read that tonight !

Instant reaction on a quick scan was the "what? no wheelie?" :P

Seriously though, 6 medium adventurers might come to more than 1,000 lbs if you have some beefy fighter/barbarian/plate wearing tank types in that mix of 6.

/me watched Temple of Doom last night...

BTW for your Widow Hoop, does the user of the hoop need to make a turn check? The wording says the spider makes the turn as instructed without calling for a check. I was chatting during lunch and someone pointed out the vehicle's driver could use the spider himself and never fail a turning check as currently written. Turning DCs can get ridiculous. Maybe grant the spider a set bonus to the driving check?

I am unsure about the turn check vs. the DC + skill ranks. Since Profession is a class skill for most classes, which get a +3 bonus, the DC seems easy to overcome if the driver has the skill. Plus how many characters will take Profession (driver) to boost the DC? Maybe creating a set DC (10 + CL or 10 + spider's driving bonus) since the spider is doing the turning and not the wielder of the hoop.

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RonarsCorruption, congrats on being allowed to live another year. No carnival for you?

The only thing I did not like about your Mirror Shield was the following:

RonarsCorruption wrote:
When reflected, the original effect effectively ends in the bearer's square, and then re-originates from it in a direction of their choosing, exactly as if the original source was in the square, except that the maximum distance is reduced by the distance the effect traveled to reach the bearer's square.

Can the bearer select a new target? Does he need to make an attack roll? How about:

Quote:
When reflected, the effect continues in a direction of the bearer's choosing. The bearer can choose a new target as long as the effect does not surpass it's range, including the distance from the original source to the bearer. If the effect had an attack roll, the bearer of the mirror shield must make a new roll.

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Jacob W. Michaels wrote:
And now the companion piece to my still-needs-another-rewrite fetching stick, inspired by a certain dog who doesn't quite always get the retrieve part of fetch...

My dogs are special in the same way. They fail to catch in their mouth, instead stop thrown item with face. Pick it up and run off in random direction while growling...

On to the Fetching Ball. For pricing, you forgot to increase for being slotless and a spell duration of minute/level.

Does the ball take attacks of opportunity for its movement? How else would it take damage during your turn to return if damaged?

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Anthony Adam wrote:
Jacob W. Michaels wrote:


Also, if you're doing some items with pirate appeal, you may want to consider submitting for Wayfinder 8: http://paizo.com/forums/dmtz622d?Community-Project-Wayfinder-8-Call-for#15 ...

An interesting idea.

I must admit I am in two minds on this one - I still need more practice to come up to the standards I am seeing in current issues, and the feedback in this thread is amazing.

I guess I'm just not confident enough yet to consider myself ready for submitting for publication at that level.

I'll see how I feel once I have my new bit of practice work ready for forum posting.

Try submitting anyway, you may be surprised. My 2011 entry was dinged pretty bad by the judges. I created something for the very next Wayfinder after the contest to help assuage my ego. And was pleasantly surprised when it made the cut. There are also quite a few other fanzines and sites that take submissions. I also have submitted a few things to Rite Publishing's Pathways and have had one article published. You never know if you don't try!

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LOL, Thomas, about your dogs. My previous dog was able to catch a Frisbee, but half the time would just get smacked in the face. I always felt bad about that, but he was so dumb I don't think it occurred to him to care. Holiday (my current girlie-girl) is a horrible catcher. I think she just generally has a closed-mouth expression and it takes her a half a second to get it open. Every once in a while she catches a ball, but it's a minor miracle, and usually has to be when she's relaxed (or hot) enough that her mouth is already open.

Definitely will have to think more about attacks of opportunity, though I think I like the idea that it only takes it if the item being fetched is in an area that's threatened -- after all, weapons with the returning quality don't provoke AoOs. Will add that to the rewrite.

Price-wise, I did include the slotless item charge. It's a command word item so is spell level (1) x caster level (1) x 1,800 gp, then doubled to be 3,600 gp. Not sure what you mean by the spell duration.

---

For the minecart of action and adventure, I'm putting on my copy editing hat:

Quote:
This well-worn large steel minecart (5 ft. wide, 10 ft. long; 4 ft. high) looks like a rectangular bucket with 3 ft. tall sides, 4 small wheels, and a single lever on the front. The minecart is covered in shallow dents, scrapes, and rust.

I think you could use a comma after well-worn. Also does it look like a rectangular bucket or is it a rectangular bucket? I think you could probably streamline these couple sentences. Maybe something like: "Shallow dents, scrapes and rust mar this large, steel minecart ((5 ft. wide, 10 ft. long; 4 ft. high with a rectangular bucket with 3 ft. tall sides, 4 small wheels, and a single lever on the front)." (And should feet be spelled out? It is in bags of holding, and I feel like it should be here as well.)

You've got an extraneous comma after "Pushing the lever forward" and I think you could rework the last sentence: (For each additional 100 lbs. reduce the max speed by 10 ft., except when moving downhill, when its speed is instead increased by 10 ft.) Also, I'm not sure if you can really get six Medium creatures in a five-foot-by-10-foot cart, can you? And shouldn't you be able to get more Small creatures in than Medium ones?

Then, next graf, you write: "The max speed is reduced by half on a 10-45 degree upslope and can’t move on a larger upslope." You've got some odd phrasing here as your subject is the max speed, which doesn't work with "can't move."

I wasn't clear if the cart needs to be on tracks or not. Also, does leaning take any kind of action? If it's free, obviously everyone's going to lean (I'd maybe give a penalty to any actions when leaning equal to the -2 in aid it gives?).

Hope that wasn't too harsh a critique, Thom, since obviously this was more intended to just be a quick, fun "Indiana Jones" item but I figure working on the wording/language even in those can be good practice. That said, I like people playing around with the vehicle rules. Except for us all doing them here in the practice thread, I'd think that'd be fruitful ground for next year's competition (which reminds me, I STILL need to get back to my landlocked oar).

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Thomas LeBlanc wrote:


My dogs are special in the same way. They fail to catch in their mouth, instead stop thrown item with face. Pick it up and run off in random direction while growling...

Heh, my girl (now gone) used to just close her eyes and lean into it. Same thing when she was sitting in the hall and someone wanted to go buy. It became known as her 'brace for impact' face. Still do not know why she never learned to move... :)

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Jacob W. Michaels wrote:
Price-wise, I did include the slotless item charge. It's a command word item so is spell level (1) x caster level (1) x 1,800 gp, then doubled to be 3,600 gp. Not sure what you mean by the spell duration.

Crapples, forgot yours was command word. Duration was for continuous only. Oops.

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:
For the minecart of action and adventure, I'm putting on my copy editing hat:

Yeah, I spent 45 minutes on it, most of the time spent on the vehicle rules from UC. Mostly to make it amusing, but hoping the rules would be clear.

The first and second paragraphs got juggled around a bit. The 2nd sentence in first paragraph seems disjointed when the paragraph is read.

I was unsure about the ft. myself. The cart description in UC has ft. in parenthesis. I was going to spell out feet in the rest of it, but eh.

"can’t move on a larger upslope" was originally "the max speed is reduced to zero if the slope exceeds 45 degrees" but hit word count.

Written not to include tracks. The originally draft had speed doubled if on tracks, but word count.

Didn't think about an action for the lean, but I would leave it as free just so everyone could partake. An extra bonus if hands are raised above head and shouting "Whee!"

I also wanted to add in failing the Str check by 10+ to decel broke the lever off for more Indy action, but word count again.

CURSE THEE WORD COUNT!!!

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Curaigh wrote:
Thomas LeBlanc wrote:


My dogs are special in the same way. They fail to catch in their mouth, instead stop thrown item with face. Pick it up and run off in random direction while growling...

Heh, my girl (now gone) used to just close her eyes and lean into it. Same thing when she was sitting in the hall and someone wanted to go buy. It became known as her 'brace for impact' face. Still do not know why she never learned to move... :)

Maybe she played alot of rugby?

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Thomas, actually, that's really a much better phrasing than I had, yeah. It removes so much confusion. Now I just need to rewrite it to make it more wondrous, less shield. ;)

Also, as to your Minecart of Action and Adventure, it's not very interesting to me. You want to know why? Because, despite the imagery, and rules and everything else, it is effectively a magic car. The whole party (6 medium PCs!) get in this large metal box, and use a lever to drive around at a pace faster than walking, all day long. There's rules for hills and dales, and for crashing.

I mean, as far as magic cars go, it's pretty good, but 99% of the time I'd rather buy six horses, and save the other 79,100gp for other things. Especially because for eight hours of the day, they could move faster than the cart. It's probably Book of Magic Items good, but I absolutely don't see it as superstar good.

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RonarsCorruption wrote:

Thomas, actually, that's really a much better phrasing than I had, yeah. It removes so much confusion. Now I just need to rewrite it to make it more wondrous, less shield. ;)

Also, as to your Minecart of Action and Adventure, it's not very interesting to me. You want to know why? Because, despite the imagery, and rules and everything else, it is effectively a magic car.

I like the idea of your item being a shield that actually can't be used as a shield. Besides being a Zelda knockoff, it is unique when compared to the current stable of items in PF. I will be interested to see what changes Ultimate Equipment will make to the design space.

As for the minecart, I am good at rulebook type items, but I have a hard time hitting the Superstar aspect. The original item was only for use on rails and had a much lower cost. But as with most of my items, I started getting into the nitty gritty and over analyzing it.

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OK, I was inspired by the gnomish prankster in Advanced Race Guide. This item clearly violates Sean's Superstar auto-reject rules 1, 12, 16 and 25 and probably 9, 17 and 19, to boot, but I failed my Will save and it made me laugh. So for your amusement...

Slap Stick
Aura faint enchantment (compulsion); CL 1st
Slot none; Price 1,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Cut-out wooden hands attached with a hinge that allows them to clap when shaken top this foot-long wooden stick. A garish clown face and tufts of brightly died corn silk hair decorate the fingers of each hand.

Once per day, while doing a bardic performance using Perform (comedy), the user can cause any foes within 30 feet to be overcome with mirth, as hideous laughter. Deaf and/or blind creatures are immune to this ability.

The slap stick also gives any user a +2 competence bonus to his Perform (comedy) checks.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, hideous laughter, creator must have at least 1 rank in the Perform (comedy) skill; Cost 750 gp


Here is the link to my original item with Sean's comments

Shelyn’s Thrush
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 10th
Slot -; Price 12,000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
This tiny bronze bird has 10 long flowing tail feathers. Not only can this statuette be used as a holy symbol of Shelyn, the bird can be imbued with magic using bardic performance. Every two rounds used to inspire the bird illuminates one of its tail feathers. Bardic performance used in this way does not have the normal effect and is instead stored in the bird. When lit, the feathers act as if affected by the light spell.

On command the bird sings duplicating the effect within it. Alternatively, the bird can sing in double or half time increasing or decreasing the caster level of the performance by 6 levels respectively. The imbued performance must be at least 7th level to use the half time command word. Feathers fade while singing at a rate of 1 feather per 2 rounds in half time, 1 feather per round in normal time, and 2 feathers per round in double time. These rounds need not be consecutive but must be spent in 1 round increments or 2 round increments for half time.

When the last tail feather fades the bird becomes a statue landing in the current square. If the character has a free hand, he may catch the bird as a free action. The character may catch the bird at any time as a free action to end its song. If the bird is struck in combat, it reverts to its inanimate form falling in its current square ending the song. At the end of the day any bardic performance stored in the bird is lost.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Animate Objects, Continual Flame, Magic Mouth, Bardic Performance; Cost 6,000 gp

I want to apologize for the late post. An emergency came up yesterday. Hope you enjoy the revised item.

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Not looking at any of the real content yet (since I'm about to go to sleep), but you've got a lot of template issues, which could absolutely be the difference between making and missing the cut. They're little things, but the judges look for them to see where you are as a designer. Honestly, that's part of the reason I posted something like the slap stick (or the fetching stick, which was more of a joke item despite its potentially practical applications), just so I can practice the coding and whatnot.

* The aura should be lowercase.
* Paizo uses "none" now, not a dash, for the slot.
* If an item only weighs 1 lb., you don't want the "s" at the end of lbs.
* Your spells should be lower case and italicized in the requirements. (I see you had them italicized in the original version, though it looks like you may have done them all as one lump italic. Neil, I think (though maybe one of the other judges), has frequently said that they want each italicized individually, with the comma not included. So it should look like this (minus the extra spaces, of course): [ i]animate objects[/i], [ i]continual flame[/i], [ i]magic mouth[/i],
* Also, I'm not sure if that's the best way to list bardic performance (and I believe it should be lowercase). I did a quick search in the Core book's wondrous items and didn't find any with that as a prerequisite, so will have to look around more to try to find an example of a class feature to see how that's done. Sean didn't call it out in your original version, but it looks like he was more focusing on the large-scale issue than the micro stuff.

Will look at the overall item in the a.m.

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Thomas LeBlanc wrote:


BTW for your Widow Hoop, does the user of the hoop need to make a turn check? ... never fail a turn check ...

Oh dear god, how did I miss that?

The item intent was that it must be used in opposition to the current vehicle driver, but on reflection even that is open to abuse... party in vehicle, driver always choosing to "not oppose" the "remote" control.

Ack! I will go back for one more go, this is quite a flaw in the current design. Well spotted.

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Anthony Adam wrote:
Thomas LeBlanc wrote:


BTW for your Widow Hoop, does the user of the hoop need to make a turn check? ... never fail a turn check ...

Oh dear god, how did I miss that?

...

Ack! I will go back for one more go, this is quite a flaw in the current design. Well spotted.

OK, I have re-jigged the DC Turn checks to make the hoop user need to make a check to drive the vehicle turn, and have used that check as the DC for the vehicle driver's opposing check should he/she wish to oppose control.

I then amended the broken/wrecked status to apply to either turn check.

This should eliminate a user getting a free ride by using the hoop inside the vehicle :D

Thanks again so much for spotting that flaw - I hope you like the solution.

The only bit I wasn't sure about was giving a DC to the turn check - I left that out requiring the normal turn check and modifiers to apply as if you were the actual vehicle driver and so didnt repeat the Turn check rules.

Let me know what you think.

Weirdly - this rewrite didn't change the word count - how odd is that? :D

Widow Hoop (289 words):

Widow Hoop
Aura faint conjuration (creation); CL 5th
Slot hands; Price 3,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description

A silken hoop made from spun spider thread surrounds the splayed carcass of a black widow. The spider is removed from the hoop with a swift tug whereupon it pulsates and twitches. Placing the now animate spider within a vehicle’s controls allows it to envelop the steering mechanism in a steely grasp. Alternatively, the spider can be placed or thrown onto the vehicle shell where it will scuttle into the recesses of the vehicle, finding and enveloping the steering control in 1d3 rounds +1 per 6 Vehicle Squares.

As a standard action, holding and rotating the hoop instructs the spider to turn the vehicle in the direction of rotation. The hoop user must make a Turn check as if they were the vehicle's driver. If the vehicle driver does not contest the turn, the result of the turn check is resolved normally. To contest the turn, the vehicle driver makes a Turn driving check to retain control of the vehicle, the DC set by the hoop user's Turn check. Failing any turn check by 10 or more results in the vehicle gaining the broken condition. If already broken, then it gains the wrecked condition.

Destroying the spider or the hoop will free the vehicle of any control by the hoop user. The spider has a hardness of 2 and 15 hit points; the hoop has hardness 1 and 5 hit points.

The spider releases the vehicle and drops to freedom when the hoop is more than a mile away, the vehicle is stationary for 4 consecutive rounds, or the hoop is destroyed.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, phantom driver; Cost 1,500 gp

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Shelyn’s Thrush

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:
* Also, I'm not sure if that's the best way to list bardic performance (and I believe it should be lowercase). I did a quick search in the Core book's wondrous items and didn't find any with that as a prerequisite, so will have to look around more to try to find an example of a class feature to see how that's done. Sean didn't call it out in your original version, but it looks like he was more focusing on the large-scale issue than the micro stuff.

You missed the pipes of the sewer from the CRB. The apple of eternal sleep in the Advanced Player's Guide also has a class ability listed. The class ability is not capitalized. In other sections of the rules class abilities are done in lowercase and non-italics.

Additionally,

  • Classes are not capitalized (silver smite bracelet).
  • Races are not capitalized (cloak of elvenkind).
  • The subset of a skill listed is not capitalized and has a space before the parantheses (boat, folding).

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Anthony Adam wrote:
Widow Hoop

Remove (creation) from the Aura. Looking at other items with a spell containing a subschool (bracers of archery), none of them list the subschool.

EDIT: Apparently in the APG, (charm) and (healing) are listed, but other subschools aren't. That makes me not so sure why those two are listed but others aren't.

This leads to a couple questions:

  • Why listed in the APG and not the CRB?
  • Does it really matter? I could see it being useful to adjucate whether an item would work on a target (such as immune to charm). Bur detect magic does not detect subschools, making an entry in the aura unneeded.

That would make my minecart of action and adventure incorrect because it lists a weaker aura. And only the stronger aura would be detected via detect magic

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Yeah, I wondered about those too.

Personally, I tend to add the sub school if the spell description lists the sub school and do not list one if the spell doesn't, i.e. I try to maintain consistency with the spell description itself (in my mind, saving the GM having to look it up in the spells if it is needed for any reason).

I think charm and healing are important obviously for immunity or positive energy vulnerability and the like.

In this case, I had the additional reason, similar to charm/healing, in that if the "creation" that is the spider/hoop when separated can be countered/dispelled as any other created effect could be, thus rendering them inoperative (even if only for a few rounds) depending on the method of countering used.

Detect Magic would detect all your auras at the 3rd round, it only gets the strongest at round 2, but even on the second round it gets the number of auras (so a caster would know to keep concentrating for another round) - so listing different strength auras is fine and dandy.


I appreciate the attention to detail on the template, Jacob. It's one of the areas that I didn't get much feedback on. I tried to find an item with bardic performance in the requirements, but was unsuccessful. I think a few of these mistakes were from me failing to fully translate the item to this thread. It is no excuse, and I will do better next time.

One reason I felt it was fine to use this item here is I've already disqualified it for future use by requesting feedback from Sean. I figured the item deserved some more polish since I had developer notes.

I eagerly await the rest of your feedback.

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Anthony A. Scott wrote:

Here is the link to my original item with Sean's comments

Shelyn’s Thrush
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 10th
Slot -; Price 12,000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
This tiny bronze bird has 10 long flowing tail feathers. Not only can this statuette be used as a holy symbol of Shelyn, the bird can be imbued with magic using bardic performance. Every two rounds used to inspire the bird illuminates one of its tail feathers. Bardic performance used in this way does not have the normal effect and is instead stored in the bird. When lit, the feathers act as if affected by the light spell.

On command the bird sings duplicating the effect within it. Alternatively, the bird can sing in double or half time increasing or decreasing the caster level of the performance by 6 levels respectively. The imbued performance must be at least 7th level to use the half time command word. Feathers fade while singing at a rate of 1 feather per 2 rounds in half time, 1 feather per round in normal time, and 2 feathers per round in double time. These rounds need not be consecutive but must be spent in 1 round increments or 2 round increments for half time.

When the last tail feather fades the bird becomes a statue landing in the current square. If the character has a free hand, he may catch the bird as a free action. The character may catch the bird at any time as a free action to end its song. If the bird is struck in combat, it reverts to its inanimate form falling in its current square ending the song. At the end of the day any bardic performance stored in the bird is lost.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Animate Objects, Continual Flame, Magic Mouth, Bardic Performance; Cost 6,000 gp

I want to apologize for the late post. An emergency came up yesterday. Hope you enjoy the revised item.

Lost a long post, so you're gonna have to settle for a little less feedback, sorry about that.

* You already got good feedback on template use. Listen to that. Get nto the habit of never making an item without following the template religiously.

* Compared to your original item, you add an extra layer of functionality with the ability to speed up or slow down performances. I'm not a fan of that. It makes your item a lot more complex, hurts your word count and makes my life as a GM harder, with extra bookkeeping and math. Stick to your items main power and make sure that works perfectly. A lot of feedback from the judges have highlighted this: keep it simple and tight.

* You don't mention what kind of action it is to activate the item and that it takes flight when activated. You do this in your original item, and need to to it in this version.

* if the item can be attacked, it needs to have an AC, hp and hardness. Take a cue from the way ioun stones work.

* I think free action is a bit quick to catch the bird again, but nothing major. Does catching it provoke AoO? Can anyone besides the wielder try and grab it? Again, it needs an AC.

* You still struggle a bit with the "owner/user/wielder/bearer" issue. I see you have settled on the more neutral "character". I assume when you say character, you mean the person who activated the bird in the first place.


Thank you again for the feedback Jacob. It really does help to have another neutral opinion on the item creation process as my friends are rarely neutral on the subject. I really do appreciate it.

*You gave me great feedback on the template and will put that to good use.

*I added the extra level of functionality in attempt to differentiate the item from the cacophonous monkey it was being compared to. I must have gone too far in the wrong direction, however.

*Command word items unless specified are a standard action. I can include this expressly if its preferred, however.
Command Word: "...Activating a command word magic item is a standard action and does not provoke attacks of opportunity."

*Touche. I would have liked to give it the stats of a regular thrush but didn't have the word count.

*Touche.

*I changed the word owner SKR's suggestion but still couldn't find a good word for it. I looked over items that were similar and many of them are not the same or talk about the item and not the character who activate it. I'm not quite sure how to remedy this item without staying away from this category of wondrous item.

Once again, thank you for your feedback. I will put it to good use.

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I tried to keep from overanalyzing my item this time and keep it simple.

Headhunter's Elixir
Aura moderate necromancy and transmutation; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This clear, noxious substance has small golden flakes of amber floating within. When applied to a dead creature, the head shrinks to 1/4 of its normal size. The body of the creature shrivels up and is sucked into the head cavity. Applying the elixir takes one minute while a command word is chanted repeatedly. The remains of the creature do not decay while shrunken, but revert to normal size and begin decaying after 30 days have passed or a second command word is spoken.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, gentle repose, shrink item; Cost 2,500 gp

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Hey all

I am going to have a go at Wayfinder I think, a collection of 3 or 4 pirating items. So before I get on with them, I thought some general theme feedback would help me winnow my choices down to the ones you think might be worth pursuing (I'm listing them my favorite first to least favorite last)...

Items (names may change) and themes are

(some themes are kind of bordering on ewwwwww, but they are pirates after all)

Grippers Chew
A gum based product that not only rots a pirate's teeth but at the same time produces a viscous bile that when spat onto hands or feet provides bonuses to staying on the deck or in the rigging during storms/ swinging across to another deck swashbuckler style. (Consumable)

Essence of the Octopoid
An essence made from carcasses of squid/octopi boiled down to a gummy elastic like glue - that when applied to an edged weapon prevents the weapon from cutting for a small number of rounds (like when you hold your cutlass in your teeth and swing between ships - very dangerous without this stuff.) (Consumable)

Shipboard Whispers
Big gangling pirate ear rings that when concentrated on by the wearer, allow the wearer to focus on and listen to any conversations held at a whisper level on board a ship - yeah, one of the ways the Captain knows of the mutineers. But only one conversation at a time of course.

Pop It Eye-Patch
An eye patch that when worn allows you to remove the covered eye and place it anywhere you want. The popped eye will chameleon like hide itself and allow you to obeserve where you leave it. Ewww nasty.
(Consumable - kind of, you only have two eyes normally and if they get found and mashed - oh dear).

Wailing Flashpowder
A gunpowder that should a mis-fire occur during pistol use, rather than exploding immediately, it wails for a round first alerting the shooter that letting the pistol go before it explodes might be a good idea.

Behind Eye-Patch
An eye patch that when worn allows you to close the uncovered eye and then see what's behind you with the covered eye. So that's how the Captain knows you are creeping up behind...

Sustaining Peg Leg
An ornate gold encrusted ebony/ivory peg leg, that will sustain the wearer for up to two weeks without food or water - really useful when your ship mates cast you adrift or maroon you.

So there we have it.

So my fellow swabs, which take your fancy? Arrrrrrr. (Wow! I resisted that far!)

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Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

I tried to keep from overanalyzing my item this time and keep it simple.

Headhunter's Elixir

I'm guessing that it's consumable, but you don't specifically mention if it is one head per purchase or a few more? I'm thinking just one at the price but am not 100% sure.

A great way of porting dead comrades back to town - lol.

I also can't shake the feeling I have seen something similar in a film where someone sprinkles something on a living persons head. The head shrinks and the voice goes all squeaky. I just cant place it - Mel Brookes maybe or something along that ilk.

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Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

I tried to keep from overanalyzing my item this time and keep it simple.

Headhunter's Elixir
Aura moderate necromancy and transmutation; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This clear, noxious substance has small golden flakes of amber floating within. When applied to a dead creature, the head shrinks to 1/4 of its normal size. The body of the creature shrivels up and is sucked into the head cavity. Applying the elixir takes one minute while a command word is chanted repeatedly. The remains of the creature do not decay while shrunken, but revert to normal size and begin decaying after 30 days have passed or a second command word is spoken.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, gentle repose, shrink item; Cost 2,500 gp

Nice item, but a lot like The Shroud of Old Souls from RPGSS 2008.

Good, evocative description. Can't find any obvious template errors.

Not sure it is nessesary to chant the command word over and over. What happens if you are interrupted? It also creates confusion, since command word items are usually standard actions to activate.

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Anthony Adam wrote:
Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

I tried to keep from overanalyzing my item this time and keep it simple.

Headhunter's Elixir

I also can't shake the feeling I have seen something similar in a film where someone sprinkles something on a living persons head. The head shrinks and the voice goes all squeaky. I just cant place it - Mel Brookes maybe or something along that ilk.

Beetlejuice. Sorry for the multitude of posts about to start, but I have some catching up to do...

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