The LGBT Gamer Community Thread.


Gamer Life General Discussion

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Thomas Seitz wrote:

Free,

He's bi. The cuckoos however aren't married (at least not that I'm aware of) in any reality.

oh, I know they aren't married, I was just hoping they would hook up.


Unlikely Free. If the Cuckoos do hook up, I think it will be with Goldballs.


Thomas Seitz wrote:
Unlikely Free. If the Cuckoos do hook up, I think it will be with Goldballs.

inappropriate giggle


Marvel ends today.

Spoiler:
My primary contact with Marvel Universe is was Marvel: Avenger Alliance game. Today is its last day, as Disney company decided to end it. Shame. I'll be missing it after playing it for four years. It was part of the reason why I agreed to make a facebook account... I managed to keep getting all the characters as they appeared. Adam Warlock was the last character to get in the final special operation.


Drejk,

Sorry to hear that. But for me, Marvel ended when they made Steve Rogers a more competent villain than hero. :p


Thomas Seitz wrote:

Drejk,

Sorry to hear that. But for me, Marvel ended when they made Steve Rogers a more competent villain than hero. :p

But really what do you expect from a guy that turns to drugs to solve all his problems?

I mean yeah it's kind of an "American thing" now but still.


Thomas Seitz wrote:

Drejk,

Sorry to hear that. But for me, Marvel ended when they made Steve Rogers a more competent villain than hero. :p

oh come now, that storyline has been done before

Silver Crusade RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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I start my new job tomorrow! I'm excited, but I also have some people I'm friendly with at my current job who are sad to see me go and may want to keep in touch.

This new job is essentially serving as a clean break for me between a time in my life where I've had to pretend I'm male and being openly trans at work and obviously femme most of the time. Do any other trans folks have that experience? I'm kind of curious how it will pan out if any of my work friends (or acquaintances) run into me after this; I don't feel like I have any particular reason to be specifically nervous about it, but not knowing at all still makes me a bit apprehensive. Have any of you dealt with that sort of thing?


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Today is the birthday of the Chevalier d'Éon!


mechaPoet wrote:

I start my new job tomorrow! I'm excited, but I also have some people I'm friendly with at my current job who are sad to see me go and may want to keep in touch.

This new job is essentially serving as a clean break for me between a time in my life where I've had to pretend I'm male and being openly trans at work and obviously femme most of the time. Do any other trans folks have that experience? I'm kind of curious how it will pan out if any of my work friends (or acquaintances) run into me after this; I don't feel like I have any particular reason to be specifically nervous about it, but not knowing at all still makes me a bit apprehensive. Have any of you dealt with that sort of thing?

Congrats! Now that you have set down that weight, I imagine you sort of floating a couple inches above the ground everywhere you walk. :)

Silver Crusade RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
mechaPoet wrote:

I start my new job tomorrow! I'm excited, but I also have some people I'm friendly with at my current job who are sad to see me go and may want to keep in touch.

This new job is essentially serving as a clean break for me between a time in my life where I've had to pretend I'm male and being openly trans at work and obviously femme most of the time. Do any other trans folks have that experience? I'm kind of curious how it will pan out if any of my work friends (or acquaintances) run into me after this; I don't feel like I have any particular reason to be specifically nervous about it, but not knowing at all still makes me a bit apprehensive. Have any of you dealt with that sort of thing?

Congrats! Now that you have set down that weight, I imagine you sort of floating a couple inches above the ground everywhere you walk. :)

Well, I am wearing heels a lot more frequently.


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Adventure Path Charter Subscriber

Apparently National Coming Out Day was yesterday, so, hi.

I posted over a year ago about questioning my gender (it's okay if folks don't remember, I know it's a long thread) and quite a bit has happened since: I've accepted myself as a trans woman, I've had several sessions w/ a therapist, and I've come out to all the immediate family that I care about, to universally positive reactions.

My only major problem at this point is that I'm a bit poor and my health insurance sucks, so I can't afford the startup cost for hormone therapy yet, though I'm hoping several weeks of work will change that (I understand the recurring cost isn't too bad, so I'm not worried about that).

So that's my current status; thank you to everyone for your earlier support and for having a place I can practice coming out some more. : )

Also, in accordance w/ the thread being about LGBT gaming, I'd like to thank Crystal Frasier for The Harrowing: I've read adventures spanning decades of D&D and the story of the Harrowed Realm is still easily one of my favorites.

Silver Crusade Contributor

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Glad to hear that things are (mostly) going well for you. ^_^

Good luck with your next steps!


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I've been trying to understand gender dysphoria. There is a lot of information out there, but it's hard to sift through it all. I found this article and would like some opinions on it especially from transgender people.

Silver Crusade Contributor

I've encountered that article recently... and I matched 7 out of 8. (I'm hoping the 8th kicks in when I finally push myself to start HRT.)

So, at least for me, I'd say it's pretty accurate. ^_^

Silver Crusade System Administrator

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I would note that a lot of these symptoms are very close to clinical depression as well and some trans people often still have symptoms of clinical depression well after transition, BUT it's usually far easier to deal with. For me, being trans was always this kind of background instinctual wrongness. Like I should have known how to just be a dude but I couldn't make it work.


Lissa Guillet wrote:
I would note that a lot of these symptoms are very close to clinical depression as well and some trans people often still have symptoms of clinical depression well after transition, BUT it's usually far easier to deal with. For me, being trans was always this kind of background instinctual wrongness. Like I should have known how to just be a dude but I couldn't make it work.

interesting.


One of my problems is that I don't really know how I am supposed to feel. Sometimes I feel like a man. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I feel like a woman. Sometimes I don't. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. People want to help, but I can't really explain what's going on in my head. I know that I've always been like this and it feels like I'm not normal and I am wrong. The more I try and explore who I am, the more my anxiety kicks in and I go back to my comfort zone, even though it doesn't feel like a place where I should be.

Liberty's Edge

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Pathfinder Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Something nice from Humans of St Louis. Standard do NOT read the comments applies. Most are supportive, but there's always one a+$$@++~.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber
Bob_Loblaw wrote:
One of my problems is that I don't really know how I am supposed to feel. Sometimes I feel like a man. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I feel like a woman. Sometimes I don't. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. People want to help, but I can't really explain what's going on in my head. I know that I've always been like this and it feels like I'm not normal and I am wrong. The more I try and explore who I am, the more my anxiety kicks in and I go back to my comfort zone, even though it doesn't feel like a place where I should be.

Bob,

Not something I'm especially familiar with but maybe looking into genderfluid-aware groups might help? From your description, that might fit your identification better.


My opinion is that one cannot actually feel like they should be a man, but also feel like they are not, nor also feel like they should be a woman, but feel they are not. My opinion is that what we feel is confusion about who or what we are, and we all feel this confusion at times. Our society fills our heads with ideas about what a man is and what a woman is, but these are just constructs.

We are nothing but what we are.

But it can be hard to feel comfortable just being, with all of societies pressures to be "something"

We all exist in an isolation that is our own awareness of our own existence. That can be troubling for some and for others it can be a sort of spiritual stepping off point to understanding the meaning of such things as Maia

I hope that everyone here, everyone there and elsewhere, all places, finds, eventually, the peace that comes from knowing that what you are is you, and you can be fine all day long simply being you. You don't, or maybe I should say, shouldn't have to struggle with ideas of being something that is defined outside of yourself.

Just be, and be at peace. I love you all.


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This last Thursday I came out as trans/nonbinary to my mom and it went really well- it still is a relief.

And @Bob_Lawlaw: I understand exactly where you are coming from. It can be really hard to explore your own identity and you shouldn't do any more soul searching than what is comfortable. For me it helped lots to talk to other nonbinary people about their experiences and grow more comfortable with my own gender identity and exploring it.


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Terquem wrote:

My opinion is that one cannot actually feel like they should be a man, but also feel like they are not, nor also feel like they should be a woman, but feel they are not. My opinion is that what we feel is confusion about who or what we are, and we all feel this confusion at times. Our society fills our heads with ideas about what a man is and what a woman is, but these are just constructs.

Or what he's describing is possibly gender fluidity, which does exist and is real and real people have experienced it as well.

I know you're trying to be helpful, but a common thing that trans people hear a lot is that they're confused - about themselves, about gender, about what constitutes gender. This doesn't help, and can push people away from learning what works best for them. Trans people aren't confused. Genderfluid people aren't confused.


I may have found a place in Seattle that can help me. I'm not sure if I can get there because they are only open on Wednesdays and I don't know what my work schedule is going to be like with my new job. I had just started seeing a therapist to help me out, but since I changed jobs I don't have the money to see her.


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Yeah, matched 7 out of 8 on those as well.

Good news, the GSA at my school is completely confidential. Like, they worked it out with the counselor and everything. So I can start going there and get support when I need. And I will need it a lot, most likely, since, like I've mentioned before, my conservative grandmother is in control of the money that's going to get me through college. So, for the next number of years that's more than five but less than nine, I'm going to have to grit my teeth and bear it. I'd rather have a means of getting good-quality transitional care by myself rather than get poor-quality care for a few years, and spottily get poor quality care following that.


Thousands of gay men to be pardoned for now-abolished offences


I managed to snooze my way into that very piece on Newsnight last night and whilst a pardon is of course appropriate, a general apology would certainly not go amiss.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Kind of how I felt about Alan Turing getting pardoned. I would prefer, if we MUST atone for injustices posthumously or after the fact, do so by retroactively dropping the charges.

Silver Crusade

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Just saw this awesome quote.

Quote:
f the realization that someone else is happily married ruins the sanctity of your marriage, your marriage never had any to begin with.


I'm sorry if by expressing my opinion I said somethings that were insensitive or unkind.


Terquem wrote:
I'm sorry if by expressing my opinion I said somethings that were insensitive or unkind.

It's an opinion and I take everything people say with a grain of salt. It's hard to understand where people are coming from when you don't have the same experiences. I've seen enough posts from you to know that you aren't a rude or mean hearted person. For myself (since it was directed at me) I don't see any need for forgiveness.


Terquem wrote:
I'm sorry if by expressing my opinion I said somethings that were insensitive or unkind.

My own observation was you were speaking with the best of intentions. My intention was not to make you feel badly about anything and I am sorry if I did so.


It always seemed to me confusion is more or less the normal state of humanity.

I honestly don't think there is one way you are supposed to feel. I understand if that provides little comfort up front but remember that means what you are feeling isn't nessecarily wrong. If you need the feelings to change that's understandable too.

I try to always remember people aren't who I last met. We change everyday, heck every minute as our bodies and minds are in constant flux. So if you are male today and not tomorrow but are again on Wednesday that is okay. The more important part is to deal with the stress that puts on your mind and body.


A friend of mine came out last year as a transman. He posted on Facebook that he wanted everyone to use male pronouns. A year later he rants complaining that many people are still using female pronouns and that they aren't using his male name. I mentioned that I was unaware that he had changed his name since his profile still uses his female spelling of his old name. He still hasn't changed the name, but now that I know I will call him by the name he wants the world to know him as.

It's hard for some people to change with others. It's easier when you give them something to work with. I have two accounts, one for Bob and one for when I feel like being Cindy. I have asked everyone who knows about Cindy to call me by the appropriate name on each account. I found it was easier for them if they had something solid to work with. There have been a few slips, and when I've asked people to change it they have done so.

For myself, I find it difficult to change from one gender to another because of fear. I have been in far too many situations where being even slightly different can result in violence. I can defend myself, I just am tired of doing so.


Bob I like that multiple profile idea, I can see how that would help. It is always nice when people communicate how they want to be addressed.


I don't think that it's necessarily the right thing for everyone to do. For myself, I still don't know who or what I am. I have to protect myself from a few things and I also may be gender fluid so this really helps me figure things out with the help of those who want to be a part of it. Those who don't will not have to endure it.


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Good luck bob, I hope you find a new comfort zone which is more deserving of the name :)

Managing Editor

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Please vote, USians!

We got our ballots on Friday (Washington is an all mail-in voting state), and spent a leisurely Sunday brunch voting over waffles with friends. It was LOOOONG this time, but packed with measures I'm really excited about...

Spoiler:
(increasing the minimum wage across the state, strengthening mass transit, increasing protections for vulnerable populations, and gender-neutral language in the city charter, to name a few

There were races where there are clear choices, and races with flawed choices (voting for a judge who opposed marriage equality because her opponent is radically worse). And because we are privileged in some ways, our district has two progressive queer candidates for state representative running against each other. They are both doing so much good in the world and I wanted to vote for both! One has advocated for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault and people experiencing homelessness, and the other has advocated for victims of domestic violence and human trafficking, queer youth, and the Pacific Islander community. That race was a difficult choice, but one with no wrong answer.

Liberty's Edge

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Pathfinder Rulebook, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

That's exciting, and I will definitely be voting. Unfortunately, for my local mayoral election, I have to choose between one of the worst candidates and six other people who are just mediocre. Seriously, the front runner was disbarred at one point from practicing law and did a good amount of his legislative work via a work-release program while being jailed for the whole deal with his 16-year-old intern/now wife).

However, I do get to excitedly vote for someone who may be our first openly LGBT city councilor, so that's a bright spot!


I still don't have my ballot. I have the pamphlet, but no ballot.


Have any of you had any exposure or know anything about this UN sponsored course on "Gender Equality"

Gender Equality

I say that with quotation because I, so far, have read some not positive feedback about the course and I am reluctant to try to take it, if it is filled with negative things that I am not well educated enough to spot on my own. I know a little about some ideas about gender and how it is usually seen as binary, but most opinions are in agreement that it is not, so I wonder exactly what sort of approach this material takes.


This weekend I'm going to be visiting a friend and her husband. We talked a little bit about me going as Cindy or at least spending a little time there as Cindy. The question is: how to explain it to the kids? They are 2 and 4. We don't think they will have an issue accepting it. Kids will accept just about anything. How do we explain to them that sometimes Uncle Bob is Aunt Cindy so that they understand? We also are concerned that the kids will discuss this with the grandparents. They are kids. It's what they do. Both sets of grandparents are conservative, one more so than the other. I think that her parents would frown on it, but deal with it. It's his grandparents that will have a major issue. Things are already tense when we meet up for gatherings because I don't have any issues discussing politics or religion. They aren't happy that their opinions are challenged, even though I do it respectfully. This will only make gatherings more difficult.

Any advice?


I'm no expert, the following are ONLY my thoughts.

Depends on what type of relationship you want with their grandparents possibly.

People will say, just go ahead and do it, and that's something you could try. Sometimes people surprise you and are more accepting than you think.

Other times, they are EXACTLY what you think they will be.

In that instance, you have to ask yourself what YOU are ready to deal with. Are you ready for that type of rejection yet, or are you not.

It's part of the risk, and part of accepting who you are, but to push it faster than you can deal with, that's up to each individual.

I wish I could give you a happy story and say you should go ahead with it and everything will be great, and if it isn't, just give them the finger and such...

But life tends not to be that easy.

In my life with discrimination, normally people have turned out just as expected. On the worst, my life has been threatened and at times I've had to flee bad situations. At better times it's simply harassment, names, and refusal of service.

These are things I cannot change, and those people will not change.

In that, the thing one has to ask is NOT how others will deal with you, but how you will deal with them.

Are you ready to deal with the ramifications and with yourself, or are you not?

If you are not quite ready for that if the children tell their grandparents, then perhaps waiting until they are in bed and then having Cindy come for a visit with their parents may be a better situation. If the kids come out then, they may notice similarities (or they may be extremely smart and put two and two together) but you would be Cindy. If they told anyone, it gives a plausible out if you don't want to deal with it...possibly.

I don't have the answers for you, I can only speak of my own experiences dealing with discrimination, and normally I can give people pep talks (though this is definitely NOT one), but I am probably not as positive about how people will react or not...especially if one states that there is already a strong probability things will not go well in certain areas.

In the end, if you pursue this path, you can't expect that everyone will change. It comes down to you and what you can handle at this time. What are you ready to do, and what are you ready to deal with.

It could turn out beautifully, but expect the worst in case it does not.

In that light, if you wish to pursue the path of showing Cindy to others, my thoughts are to go all out and do it. I am one who doesn't think anyone's opinions are going to change drastically, so you might as well get it done with and deal with it now rather than later. I'm more of one that wants to face the stuff head on.

Of course, perhaps my going straight out and dealing with things like that may also be why a majority of my experiences with discrimination have also been negative...so there's that to consider also. My ideas may be majorly bad in that way.


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Judy Bauer wrote:

Please vote, USians!

We got our ballots on Friday (Washington is an all mail-in voting state), and spent a leisurely Sunday brunch voting over waffles with friends. It was LOOOONG this time, but packed with measures I'm really excited about...
** spoiler omitted **
There were races where there are clear choices, and races with flawed choices (voting for a judge who opposed marriage equality because her opponent is radically worse). And because we are privileged in some ways, our district has two progressive queer candidates for state representative running against each other. They are both doing so much good in the world and I wanted to vote for both! One has advocated for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault and people experiencing homelessness, and the other has advocated for victims of domestic violence and human trafficking, queer youth, and the Pacific Islander community. That race was a difficult choice, but one with no wrong answer.

My ballot came two weeks ago. We can vote for about a month to the election in San Francisco.

Nothing really LGBT related in California. Some interesting city planning initiatives (though I maintain that ballot box planning is more trouble than it's worth), voted to raise the county sales tax and issue BART more bonds, voted against more red tape for public transit, voted for a non-police investigation board for complainsts against the police, voted to ban the death penalty in California (we had a competing initiative to streamline the execution process and reduce appeals). I didn't consider president a hard choice, seeing as how I actually like Clinton.


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I'm going to go shopping next week and pick up some 'feminine' clothes: leggings, skirts, heels. I've been doing my makeup almost every day for the last two weeks and I'm feeling a lot less dysphoric. I have to pick up my ballot tonight (voting presidentially for the candidate who's supporters don't as a majority want me dead :3)

I'm going LARPing this weekend and most of the people I know there know my pronouns (and also I have patches all over my costume that say 'they/them/theirs') but I'm nervous about being misgendered, especially since a lot of the time I'm too anxious to correct people.


My problem isn't necessarily being rejected by the grandparents. Her parents probably won't be happy about it, but they have also known me for more than 15 years and I have a great relationship with them. I'm sure that they will want to pray for me, but they won't do it in front of me because they know it won't mean anything to me.

It's his parents that I'm concerned with. They already don't really like me because we disagree on politics, religion, and pretty much everything in between. I have no problems speaking my mind and backing up my arguments with facts rather than emotions. They will only dislike me more, and I honestly don't care about that. My concern is how they will treat their son and his wife (my friends) because they will have my back 100%. I don't want to cause any troubles in an already difficult situation (there's a lot going on with other issues with the family).

I'm really thinking about doing it anyway. I'm going to bring a change of clothing just so I can should I decide that it's something I'm ready to do.


Bob_Loblaw wrote:

My problem isn't necessarily being rejected by the grandparents. Her parents probably won't be happy about it, but they have also known me for more than 15 years and I have a great relationship with them. I'm sure that they will want to pray for me, but they won't do it in front of me because they know it won't mean anything to me.

It's his parents that I'm concerned with. They already don't really like me because we disagree on politics, religion, and pretty much everything in between. I have no problems speaking my mind and backing up my arguments with facts rather than emotions. They will only dislike me more, and I honestly don't care about that. My concern is how they will treat their son and his wife (my friends) because they will have my back 100%. I don't want to cause any troubles in an already difficult situation (there's a lot going on with other issues with the family).

I'm really thinking about doing it anyway. I'm going to bring a change of clothing just so I can should I decide that it's something I'm ready to do.

It still boils down to whether you are ready to deal with that or not.

I'm not psychologist, and once again, this is my own opinion.

It sounds like you are worried about the relationship between people other than you, of that between another person and his parents. My thoughts on that are as follows.

As long as you are ready to deal with the consequences towards YOU and your family, go for it. Their son and his wife are adults, and can probably take their own responsibility. You will always have others who will react poorly to friends or family that support you. If you try to take the responsibility of the world on your shoulders, it will crush you. Instead, take care about yourself and trust that they as adults also can deal with their own conflicts and troubles. You are not responsible for his parents reactions towards him, anymore than you can control anyone else's hatred, hope, or discrimination.

In that light, I'd say, be yourself and deal with the issues directly related to you, but let others deal with those issues that relate to them.

Trust that they are also adults and as adults, can take responsibility for their own difficulties instead of trying to take it all upon yourself.

Obviously, in my opinion.

Silver Crusade

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I thought I would share an anecdote about my upcoming wedding.

Some of my mother's siblings are staunch Catholics. One uncle had already told my mother he did not plan to attend. So recently his youngest daughter (my cousin) called my mom and told her that my uncle doesn't speak for her and her mother (my uncle's wife) and they hoped they were still invited even without him. After that, they told my uncle of their plans. Naturally, he decided it was time to talk to his priest. Apparently, the priest told him, "I see. Well, as it happens, I have a gay brother. And I went to his wedding last year."

So now the whole family is coming. I'd like to find that priest and shake his hand.


It looks like I'm not going to be able to be Cindy this weekend with them. I'm still going down there, but the father said that he doesn't have enough time to explain it to the kids. I think he's just not ready and he's using the kids as an excuse. The oldest is 4 and she wants to paint my nails. I think she'd be ok. The youngest is 2 and he gets his nails painted with mommy because that's what kids do. Oh well. I guess right now I'll just have to accept it.


The Supreme Court agrees to hear the Gavin Grimm case.

There's a good short video about Grimm embedded in the article where he talks about the case.

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