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The LGBT Gamer Community Thread.


Gamer Talk

901 to 950 of 4,790 << first < prev | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | next > last >>

Lol, so have you ever struck up a friendship with someone you like and you get along with well but any time a hint of the romantic passes between you things get super, super awkward?

Over time I have been making friends with one of my friend’s sisters. She’s a gamer and musician (things I think are great) and while she is older than me and tends to typically run in other groups I’ve always thought she was cool.

There have been a couple of times in the last few months that through some pretty random circumstances we have found ourselves hanging out alone together for long periods of time. She is a pretty deep person and we have had some awesome conversations but at one point during one of these situations we started flirting and it went well for a bit but then she just completely changed her tune and shut it down in an incredibly awkward way, and this same thing keeps happening now every time we see each other alone(and she is initiating the flirting part too, not I).

Really, really late at night a couple of days ago I was at my friend’s house waiting for him to finish his shift and she was there and this whole thing happened again. So, trying to figure out what exactly was happening I brought up my classic, “Have you ever tried to talk in songs?” thing.

She was like: “Oh that’s easy!” and she pulled out her phone and started selecting songs.

“When we first started hanging out I felt like this toward you.” She said, playing me the song.

“But then I realized this about you.” She continued.

“I guess what I want you know now is this is how I feel currently.”

I laughed and replied: “That is awesome! I disagree with the womanizer part, although of course I would even if I am one, but throwing that out for just a second, a couple of questions real quick…” But then right at that moment my friend walked in and that was the end of that conversation.

Dammit! I felt like we were about to finally figure out things between us!


Well, now you can ask her to continue the talk.

Awkward friendships with women, yup, been there done that. Hanging with a friend on a gaming convention who seems to be a bit too sticky to me, asking her explicitly if she is interested in me, because she acts that way and while I like her, I love another woman and I don't think we could have a chance of building a real relationship...


Drejk wrote:

Well, now you can ask her to continue the talk.

Awkward friendships with women, yup, been there done that. Hanging with a friend on a gaming convention who seems to be a bit too sticky to me, asking her explicitly if she is interested in me, because she acts that way and while I like her, I love another woman and I don't think we could have a chance of building a real relationship...

Yes, I will, but it is just one of those funny situations where you are in a holding pattern with someone for a long time where you are not sure what exactly is happening, then suddenly: a break through! But no: interrupted! Lol it is just frustrating(but in a fun way).

As far as your situation goes, yeah, that does sound like it could have been a bit of a touchy interplay, how did she respond?


Actually this recent situation of mine has enough similarities to some past ones that it has brought up a question again I’ve had for a long time. I think I could use someone else’s perspective on this:

Ok, sometimes a person will respond to my attentions with a “You are coming off really well right now, but since I know no one is actually that good you must be the opposite, you must be evil! You are just pretending to be good to sleep with me!”

And I’m like: “Oh I see, I guess you’re not interested in me now then.”

And they're like: “What? Why would I not be interested in you?”

“Um, because I’m evil, right?” I reply.

“What are you talking about? Why would that make a difference?”

And I just want to be like: No, What are YOU talking about? If you honestly think I have bad intentions towards you or that I don’t care about you and I'm trying to use you why would that ever be acceptable?

Lol, what the heck is that?


I guess I used a specific to me example that might not fit right but what I’m talking about is when someone approaches a potential relationship with someone they think is bad news with an attitude of “It’s all good, I will just change them!”

I can understand thinking you can help change someone’s bad behavior but bad intentions? Where can you possibly go with that?

Bad behavior might be changeable if the person is on your side and wants what is best for you and your relationship but if someone is out to get you how is that fixable?!?

I guess sometimes a person might just be saying they suspect you for some reason but not actually believe it and in that case ok then but I’ve seen situations where the other person has PROVED they mean you harm and the person still engages them. WTF?

Anyway, this has truly nothing to do with my current situation because the tone of it is quite a bit different but it just reminded me of one of the subjects that slowly eats away at my sanity whenever I see it happening

Anyway, sorry about the rant. I know I said I wouldn’t do that anymore, so I will try not to in the future.

I will shut up now.


Quote:
As far as your situation goes, yeah, that does sound like it could have been a bit of a touchy interplay, how did she respond?

She said that she does not know if she is interested in me or not. Later we spend evening speaking about lots of different things. I don't remember if I it was then that I told her that I love K or if she asked me about that the day before (we spend almost the whole night before bumping between pubs mingling with fellow convention-goers, speaking, drinking a bit - well, she was drinking, I drank almost no alcohol at that time, she reached quite a bad mood and asked me if she could sit on my lap and if I could hold her in my arms - yeah, that's what gave me something to think about for the morning and lead to me initiating the talk on the following evening). I am quite certain that when I told her about my love for K she stated that she suspected so.

After I told her that I don't think that our relationship would work she said she is glad that we spoke about this and clarified on what we stand towards each other. We again spent the time until the morning walking, talking, visiting pubs and finally watching some movie on the convention with her on my lap and me holding her and then slumbering in this rather not-exactly convenient position.

A month or so later she get into serious argument with her best friend about another man which made her attempt suicide by taking handful of various drugs - I ended speaking with her on my phone trying to take some sense into her and convince her to wake up her mother (I tried to phone her home but she turned off the landline). She hangd up a few times - and finally her mother took up the phone and I learned that my friend finally waked her mother and told her about the drugs she took. That was the last minute on my prepaid sim and so I spend the night wondering if the ambulance managed to get there quickly enough. She survived, and some time later told me that she only aborted her suicide attempt because she didn't wanted to make me feel sad or sorry.

We spend quite a lot of time together for a few following years sometimes even flirting but our bond slowly weakened into nothingness. She finally got married after a few years. I hadn't contact with her for two or three years now.


Wow, that is a hard situation all around.


If a relationship happens, it happens. It's a situation when you can't see any emotionally acceptable alternative to that relationship - and your prospective partner doesn't either. If you're a conscientious person, and you go for it in another situation, you will always run the risk of this happening, at which point you will be taken, and too principled to hurt the one you're already with to break it up. Sure, it might not happen... but are you willing to take that risk?

So, if things turn complicated (I really hate that word, and what it describes), that in itself has always been a sharp signal for me to get out.


Sissyl wrote:

If a relationship happens, it happens. It's a situation when you can't see any emotionally acceptable alternative to that relationship - and your prospective partner doesn't either. If you're a conscientious person, and you go for it in another situation, you will always run the risk of this happening, at which point you will be taken, and too principled to hurt the one you're already with to break it up. Sure, it might not happen... but are you willing to take that risk?

So, if things turn complicated (I really hate that word, and what it describes), that in itself has always been a sharp signal for me to get out.

Yeah, I can definitely understand that.


On another note: So if you haven’t realized this on your own yet I guess I should tell you; music plays a pretty big role in my existence. I love it and while I have no musical talent myself(well I guess I sing pretty well and I am passable with a guitar, I just have a high bar for what I think “Talent” is) it permeates my daily life heavily(I’m listening to music pretty much anytime I’m not directly having a conversation with someone.)

My friend was talking the other day about how he thought it was cool that there was actually a lot of really good “Queer” music out there and how it would be cool if we did more to celebrate it.

I responded that I judge songs on their individual merit, not on who made them or what they are about but upon thinking more about it there are quite a few “Queer” songs that have had some impact on my life, so to celebrate a few:

This song means a lot to me because it was instrumental in letting a good friend of mine finally be able to come out of the closet, where she was suffering even more than your average closeted homosexual. How can a single song do such a thing? I dunno, maybe because it is magic.

t.A.T.u.: All the things she said.

This song means something to me because it has been one of my dad’s favorite songs for decades and he still hasn’t realized what it is about. LOL! The amusement I get from that never ends!

The Kinks: Lola

So, for a brief musical interlude on this thread, what are some of the songs that have great meaning to you? (they don’t have to be “Queer”, just important to you.)


I'm not going to explain any of them. Some of that gets more personal than I'm comfortable with sharing. But here's a few of mine.

Jars of Clay-Work
Ludo-Such as it Ends
Relient k-More than Useless.
Not that there aren't quite a few more songs that really speak to me, but those are ones that I immediately thought of.


Those are some intense songs, Thank you for sharing lynora!


A LOT of songs and music in general has a lot of meaning for me, but...

My theme song for the past year has been Yael Naim's "New Soul".

And maybe it seems silly, but it seems like everytime I'm hitting a rough patch, somehow Jimmy Eat World's "The Middle" spontaneously comes on to remind me to just keep going. It came on twice the same day a couple days ago, which tells you the kind of day I had.

Other songs you can imagine the explanations for yourself...
Mark Knopfler's Romeo and Juliet - Original Flavor or covered by Amy Ray

Debussy's Clair de Lune

Nerissa and Katryna Nields' The Endless Day (note there's about 3 minutes of chatter before the song starts)

Dar Williams' When I was a Boy (if you listen, make sure you listen all the way to the end) and As Cool as I Am (wish I could find the studio version instead, but oh well)

Katy Perry's Firework (yes, I know your respect for me just plummeted, and I will accept that and move on. I fought off panic attacks with this song, so.)

I'm sure I'll think of 85 other songs at 2 AM.


Not silly at all. “The Middle” is a song I play for my niece whenever she is feeling down. If there is an anthem for when you are feeling out of place and need a boost that is it.

Katy Perry? No, my respect for you just increased! She is one of those artists who if someone disrespects I will b~!#& slap them in response; right in the mouth! Bam! (I feel the same about Gaga which I get a lot of grief for both because a lot of people hate her and always because of the whole “Oh, Bi guy likes Lady Gaga…giant…shock….”)

Yeah, actually, feel free to post every single song you guys really love. I like my musical interludes epic! =D


1 person marked this as a favorite.

When I'm walking a dark road
I am the man who walks alone
.

Lots and lost of Queen with focus on Innuendo, We Are The Champions, Who Wants To Live Forever, Bohemian Rhapsody, Living On My Own.

My parents kept a tape of Queen Hits in the car and we used to listen to them when going for family trips. Damn, Freddie's death was great loss.

Lacuna Coil - I Won't Tell You.

Blue Oyster Cult which I discovered last year (or maybe year before).

Sisters Of Mercy - Temple Of Love. I have very fond memories of that song being played at a pub during one gaming convention in Krakow, when I ended dancing with some girl I flirted a bit. Nothing came of that, which I am glad, actually, but the music itself and the memory of dance we shared...

And some Polish groups for a change: Myslovitz has some songs I like (that particular song I prefer in Polish version, but it might be matter of that particular recording or the way the vocalist voice sounds when he sings in English).

Wilki (Wolves) - Son Of The Blue Sky. Ok, this one I listen to very rarely, honestly I forgot how good that song is.

Varius Manx - Vale Of Tears.

There are lots of other songs, it all depends on my mood actually. I often like to hear various Avril Lavigne songs, Van Canto, sometimes Pearl Jam, some Godsmack, Eurythmics, Gary Moore, Thin Lizzy, Dio, lots and lots of movie and computer game music.

EDIT: Lily Was Here.

I will probably add much more songs when a mood strikes me. Even things I love at one time and don't remember at another. My relation to music is very fluid.

Shadow Lodge

Riptide and Maybe by the Sick Puppies both hold meaning to me. Other songs with meaning at one point or another include

I'm Still Here, The Goo Goo Dolls
Move Along, All American Rejects
This Love This Hate
Hero, Superchick


Death Quaker, there is no way I would respect you less for liking Firework since that song darn near made my list too. It's a really powerful song.

Also, I really liked 'As Cool As I Am'. It's a very powerful song. Thank you for sharing. :)


Meat Loaf - Rock 'N' Roll Dreams. Bonus points for starring young Angelina Jolie. Bat Out Of Hell, I'd Do Anything For Love and I'd Lie For You as well.

Pearl Jam - Alive and I am Mine. Do The Evolution for great video.

House Of The Rising Sun... My mother *was* a taylor. She sewed my new blue jeans (I wear black jeans, actually but that's detail). And it is not the only part of that song that could refer to my life...


Dreams Of Sanity - Window To The Sky. You got me on a youtube binge. I should go to sleep hour or two ago... Damn, those meddling kids!


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Dogbladewarrior wrote:


Yeah, actually, feel free to post every single song you guys really love. I like my musical interludes epic! =D

My tastes are so pedestrian. I admit some of what I really like is pretty much crap. :)

But from my most played on iTunes:
1) How to be Dead - Snow Patrol
2) How to Save a Life - The Fray (I know! I'm sorry! :) )
3) I will Follow You Into the Dark - Death Cab for Cutie
4) Hate Me - Blue October
5) Into the Ocean - Blue October
6) Viva la Vida - Coldplay
7) Vanilla Twilight - Owl City
8) Sheep Go to Heaven - Cake
9) Don't Cry for Me Argentina (Glee cast version.)
10) Being Boring - Pet Shop Boys
11) The B$+#$ of Living - from Spring Awakening
12) Screaming Infidelities - Dashboard Confessional

With the possible exceptions of 2, 7, and 11 I don't think they mean all that much to me personally though. Just stuff I like listening to.


I listen mostly to showtunes- it is easier for me to feel depth and meaning and identify with music when there is a story to go with it; a lot from Chicago and Repo!, and quite a bit from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, amongst many others.

Especially Mister Cellophane, Genetic Emancipation, and My Eyes, from each, respectively.


X Amount Of Words (Blue October)
Thick As Thieves (Dashboard Confessional)
Joey (Concrete Blonde)
Total Eclipse Of The Heart (Bonnie Tyler)
Who Wants To Live Forever (Queen)
Bleeker Street (Simon & Garfunkel)
Read My Mind (The Killers)

I could go on (and on and on). Music is really good at short-circuiting (sp?) the mechanisms I use to keep my mind out of my emotions... so there are a lot of songs that are important to me for their emotional impact.


cannon fodder wrote:

Just remembered this thread had been started up.

It's a little late, I know, but - Happy Pride everyone.

Also, just curious - anyone here in the Greater Boston area?

I live in Rhode Island, just over the Massachusetts border... :-)

Cheers, JohnH / Wanda


Tmdq, why would liking Katy Perry result in a loss of respect? I enjoy her music greatly, and even if I didn't firework is an awesome song.

I like too many songs to get into here. My tastes ate too strange/eclectic.


Lol, wow, that is funny, you guys have brought up a lot of songs that have great meaning to me as well, and Samnell, your playlist is looking weirdly similar to mine, so I guess you’re not alone in your pedestrian tastes =p

Shadow Lodge

I was going to post my playlist, but then I realized it was all AMVs and finding the actual song names could be a real big hassle. :/

So I'm just going to put a few of those here instead!

This is a Call to Arms!
Kids in America
Harder Better Faster Stronger
Make a Move
Break the Sky
Disco Heaven
Electric Emotion


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Dogbladewarrior wrote:
Lol, wow, that is funny, you guys have brought up a lot of songs that have great meaning to me as well, and Samnell, your playlist is looking weirdly similar to mine, so I guess you’re not alone in your pedestrian tastes =p

Given sales in the recording industry and the fact that I like a lot of the pop that it keeps churning out, I imagine not. :)

Actually there's one not on my list that acquired special meaning for me. The Glee cover of Teenage Dream had one boy singing it to another. I enjoyed the song, went and bought it. A few days later I read an essay that pointed out that while songs like Teenage Dream are in no short supply for heterosexuals, they were vanishingly rare for the rest of us. Especially songs so explicitly idealistic ("We'll be young forever!") and sexual ("Put your hands on me in my skintight jeans"). Yes there've been homoerotic songs but usually heavy on the subtext. This was an upfront bubbly pop number about being gay (in the cover, mind) without angst or jokes or anything but the same sort of youthful celebration of any other teenage sex song.

And I'd never heard anything like that before. I don't think I'd even noticed the lack since it was just so far out there. Yet there it was on my TV where previously you had to be a funny stereotype that never actually did anything gay despite the fact that straights have had sex scenes on the TV for decades. When I was a teenager, even having a gay character was a sweeps week ratings stunt and involved a guest star you would never see again kissing a straight character and the audience never actually seeing the kiss.


Hehe I’ve always like AMVs, my current favorite involves everyone’s favorite psychotically powerful Vampire Lord:

Marilyn Mason: This is Halloween A warning though: If you are offended by gore or violent imagery, don’t click on that.

I think it kicks butt, it captures the craziness of Hellsing quite well and also The Nightmare Before Christmas was one of my fav movies as a kid, so there is that too=D.


Samnell wrote:


Given sales in the recording industry and the fact that I like a lot of the pop that it keeps churning out, I imagine not. :)

Actually there's one not on my list that acquired special meaning for me. The Glee cover of Teenage Dream had one boy singing it to another. I enjoyed the song, went and bought it. A few days later I read an essay that pointed out that while songs like Teenage Dream are in no short supply for heterosexuals, they were vanishingly rare for the rest of us. Especially songs so explicitly idealistic ("We'll be young forever!") and sexual ("Put your hands on me in my skintight jeans"). Yes there've been homoerotic songs but usually heavy on the subtext. This was an upfront bubbly pop number about being gay (in the cover, mind) without angst or jokes or anything but the same sort of youthful celebration of any other teenage sex song.

And I'd never heard anything like that before. I don't think I'd even noticed the lack since it was just so far out there. Yet there it was on my TV where previously you had to be a funny stereotype that never actually did anything gay despite the fact that straights have had sex scenes on the TV for decades. When I was a teenager, even having a gay character was a sweeps week ratings stunt and involved a guest star you would never see again kissing a straight character and the audience never actually seeing the kiss.

Yeah, that is pretty awesome isn’t it? I’m sure there will more songs of that nature as time passes but let’s face it: being a teen is an angsty experience, a gay teen? x1,000.

Even if you find true love you still have to deal with the whole rest of the world and their bull s+%& pressing in on you. That truly is changing nowadays, but traditionally even the most intense young gay love has come with some truly horrendous external baggage.

I for one am looking forward to the day when gay teens have nothing more heavy on their minds than celebrating their love like that. We aren’t there yet, but I feel hopeful that it is coming.

Shadow Lodge

Voltaire's Vampire Club has a nice AMV going to it.


Army Of Lovers - Obsession.

And for some laughs: It's OK 2B Gay.

Shadow Lodge

Drejk wrote:
And for some laughs: It's OK 2B Gay.

Favorited and Liked. That's... really funny!


Actually this song is very important to me too, because it truly captures my feelings towards all the kids I used to bully back in school. My feelings around that have long been complicated, this song expresses them well.


Dragonborn3 wrote:
Drejk wrote:
And for some laughs: It's OK 2B Gay.
Favorited and Liked. That's... really funny!

I love that one.

Lots of good stuff listed, don't have time to comment on it all, but I'm appreciating seeing people's lists and listening when I can.

FHDM: I guess I just have some music-snob friends who mock me for liking a pop diva. Obviously, they're wrong. :)


Tmdq: Clearly. Pop is incredibly important, although I only came to that realization through the second job. Also, amvs for LIFE! my first amv was kikis delivery service/every little thing she does is magic. Later on that year, I discovered the unbridled glory that was bubble gum crisis and the epic amvs there and was lost. Haven't looked back since.


Oh…*groan*

So not to interrupt the wonderful musical interlude, but here is an update on my prospective romance with my friend’s sister:

So originally I was just going to wait until I saw her again by accident and then continue our previous conversation naturally from there. An easy, smooth, smart plan, but then I got bored, so I decided to call her.

A summary of that call.:

So she picks up after a few rings and greets me with a “Hey, -my name- how are you doing?’ in a bright tone.

Feeling encouraged I told her I was in a good mood and we proceeded to have about ten minutes of enthusiastic small talk. At one point she dropped an excellent lead into the conversation I wanted to have so I gently approached it.

Her mood completely flipped and the conversation just ground to a screeching halt. Finally:

“So I have been thinking a lot about us and I’ve decided I don’t really want this to go anywhere.”

“Oh…” I replied. “Is it the womanizer thing? Because I must hesitantly suggest that you may have misjudged me.”

“No, I actually never thought that. I’ve talked to enough people who know you about you to know what you are really like, though honestly, you do kind of come off as a player, but really I was just being a b%!#*.” She said.

“I…ok, so then what’s up?” I asked.

“This might sound a little dark but really it just boils down to the fact that I only date men who I feel like I can control. I really need to feel like I am wearing the pants in a relationship and I don’t feel like I could ever get that with you.” She replied.

“Oh, is that all?” I said. “I think you would be surprised just how comfortable I am playing second fiddle to someone else’s desires, with just a few caveats. I actually really like that.”

“Don’t embarrass yourself now.” She warned me.

I laughed. “I’m not, I’m being straight with you.”

She was silent for awhile.

“So ‘Let’s just be friends.’ Right?” I ventured gently.

“No, I don’t think that will be possible.” She informed me. “If we stay friends I don’t feel like I can guarantee myself nothing will ever happen between us, and it is important to me that it doesn’t. So please don’t call me again and when you see me at the house don’t talk to me anymore, ok?”

“…alright.” I agreed.

Then she hung up.

Mmmm I feel sad=(

Silver Crusade

Sorry to hear that, DBW. The whole means by which relationships start is kind of strange, when you think about it. I feel like both people have to be in just the right frame of mind to be receptive to each other. It gets so complicated so easily.

I should know. I am going to start *gulp* dating again.

Right now I am at a naive "this should be fun" stage. That's just because I haven't been "in the pool" for 10 years and I've forgotten how ridiculous it can be. Meh. Hope I don't get too many weirdos.

Shadow Lodge

That really sucks, DBW. I hope you find someone soon.


DBW, that sucks. :(

CH, good luck!


Thanks guys. It’s all good, I’m sure I will find that special someone someday, just not today(and good luck, CH, I wish you the best).

So I’ve got a job starting up tomorrow and I’m packing right now but I’m putting up one final post to let you guys know what’s up. I’ll be incognito for about a week, I think, keep the thread lively till I get back for me will you? =)


Quote:
“If we stay friends I don’t feel like I can guarantee myself nothing will ever happen between us, and it is important to me that it doesn’t. So please don’t call me again and when you see me at the house don’t talk to me anymore, ok?”

That sounds a bit strange to me. I would understood that stance if she wanted to make sure you stay friends and felt that relationship or even occasional sex will destroy that. But as she prefers to not keep in touch to avoid risk of relationship... Duh. Well, probably she has her reasons for that.

CH, have fun.


Freehold DM wrote:
Tmdq: Clearly. Pop is incredibly important, although I only came to that realization through the second job. Also, amvs for LIFE! my first amv was kikis delivery service/every little thing she does is magic. Later on that year, I discovered the unbridled glory that was bubble gum crisis and the epic amvs there and was lost. Haven't looked back since.

There used to be this Tiny Dancer amv on youtube that made me want to track down and watch Full Metal Alchemist all on its own. But alas, now it is gone, and I'm as blue as DBW.

Seriously that sucks, DBW. People confuse the cr@p out of me. I say show up in a '50s house wife dress the next time you see her. ;)


I have been reading this thread for a while now, off and on, debating whether to chime in. I debated possibly creating another alias to post under just for this thread for fear of someone knowing my Paizo handle and somehow finding this, but James Sutter's message early in the thread resonated with me upon re-reading it: if we all stopped being afraid of what someone might think or say about us being who we are, maybe the world would be a better place.

I grew up immersed in the LGBT community without even knowing it for a long time. My father, who is gay, separated from my mother when I was about 3 years old. Although Dad had female friends and acquaintances, they were never as prominent in his life or as close to him as the men he knew were, and he and his roommate (his partner, I realized much later) owned a horse farm together for years. The farm is gone now, thanks to urban sprawl, but their relationship still persists. Dad has never been much of one to fly his freak flag, so to speak - he's very log cabin and very private. Additionally, being a high-ranking state government official for most of his career prior to his retirement, he always felt as though he had to keep his personal life under wraps for fear of his job security or the work he did in his professional life being undermined if someone wanted to exploit that knowledge.

I myself am a different breed entirely. I largely identify as straight, though I've certainly had sexual experiences with other men - but not to the extent that I feel I could reasonably call myself bisexual. There's a big wall in my mind separating "my guy friends that I like to hang out with" from "my male friends that I'd hook up with".

What sort of makes all this weird for me is that my wife is bisexual, and much more so than me (I lean heavily toward the hetero side of the Kinsey scale). On top of that, we're swingers, for lack of a better term. I don't like that label, but neither do I consider polyamory an appropriate one for what my wife and I do - I really don't love anyone else the way I love her, male or female, and never really could. I mean, I love some of our long-term swinger friends who we've known for years and whom I feel very comfortable being around, but in the same way that I love my other close friends with whom I don't have a sexual relationship.

At this point, what we do in our private lives is more or less known among the majority of our friends, and they're all fine with it. In fact, learning this about me caused one of my closest straight male friends to confess that he is a transvestite and has been collecting and wearing women's clothing for years. (This has many benefits, not the least of which is that he has excellent taste in clothing and makes a far better shopping companion than I do for my wife, often suggesting that she buy clothing that looks really hot on her. She also swears he's a good luck charm when shoe shopping.)

Another weird thing that has happened as a result of our lifestyle (another word I hate and wish I could replace - can't we just call swinging a hobby? It's at least as tiring as gaming, at least when both pastimes are done properly) is that my straight male friends basically think I'm some huge Don Juan because of the number of women they can deduce me to have slept with. I'm comfortable with them knowing what they know about me, and I try to downplay the importance of the numbers when it comes up - because, really, at some point keeping an accurate count becomes a non-issue - but I can't help but think that they'd not be as accepting of the fact that I've also hooked up with men if they ever found out. I could be wrong about that; most of my friends are actually quite accepting of LGBT people. I think it would be more of a jarring reality check for them to learn that I, the guy they perceive as straight as an arrow and very sexually experienced with women, also occasionally enjoy male company... and I'm really afraid that that would weird them out. I also get the sense that it's more socially acceptable for my wife to be bisexual than it would be for me to be; that while her femininity is not called into question because of her dalliances with women, my encounters with men do somehow impugn my masculinity in the eyes of the world at large. Heck, for a long time I was afraid to broach the subject with my wife for fear she'd be weirded out by it, so the fact that she's actually quite cool with it came as a very pleasant surprise - and also made me realize just how lucky I am to have found her.

So, I'm still keeping those particular details of my life under wraps for now. But as the son of a gay man, a man who raised me as well as any other father ever could have, who nurtured my interests in things like reading and gaming when others tried to quell them, who took the time to learn who I really was (which my mother never really did), who talked to me openly and honestly about who he was and how he perceived the world, it's nice knowing that there are companies like Paizo where people like him can work and thrive without the fear of losing their jobs because of what they choose to do in their private lives.

Sorry if I overshared here. (Judging by the other posts in this thread, I probably haven't, but who knows.) But it felt like time to chime in.


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Sounds like you found yourself an excellent partner in your good lady wife, sir; congratulations!

And yeah... female bisexuality IS more readily acceptable in our screwed-up society. Sigh.

But welcome to the thread, and I'm glad you decided to join in, despite the (valid) concerns about security leaks. :) The more the merrier.


I find the stories here about some players running in fear from games featuring LGBT PCs and NPCs hilarious, incidentally - woe be unto any of those folks who ever made it to my table. I ran a campaign for evil PCs for over a year, and one of my most prominent NPCs, Nezariel, was a human (biologically) male lich necromancer who identified as female and carried on a relationship with Alan, the male captain of the mercenary group she employed to guard her sanctum. Her love for Alan caused her great sorrow, for she realized they could never truly be together the way she wanted them to be while she was still undead.

Nezariel was the mentor of the party's own necro-bloodline sorcerer and aspiring lich, and made a deal with this PC to grant him dominion over all her lands, minions, and magical writings in exchange for him helping her to become mortal again... a process that required him to spend months of in-game time practicing sabotage and subterfuge against his fellow party member, an evil oracle of life whose life essence was a key component of the restoration ritual. >=D


Power Word Unzip wrote:
I have been reading this thread for a while now, off and on, debating whether to chime in. I debated possibly creating another alias to post under just for this thread for fear of someone knowing my Paizo handle and somehow finding this, but James Sutter's message early in the thread resonated with me upon re-reading it: if we all stopped being afraid of what someone might think or say about us being who we are, maybe the world would be a better place.

Alias wouldn't help you - hover your cursor over the name over the post. Yup, it can be checked easily. You would have to create separate account (which might be against the forum rules, I haven't checked).

So you are exposed and revealed to the world! <insert maniacal laughter here>
Welcome and share life stories of greater and lesser magnitude with us.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion Subscriber

Speaking of "gay" songs and bands who touch on the subject, there are actually several examples out there.
Bronski Beat - Smalltown Boy being a very clear example. In general, Bronski Beat's songs were about gay issues, not surprisingly since all the members were openly gay. :-)
Jimmy Sommerville of Bronski Beat then sequenced into The Communards, covering Don't Leave Me This Way, another staple in the gay community back then.
Erasure has always been popular in the gay community too (singer Andy Bell is gay).
Depeche Mode has several songs with a gay positive message (People are People, see the link, being one of them).

And yes, I know I'm dating myself very much with these examples. :-p

EDIT: D'oh! Can't believe I forgot Frankie Goes to Hollywood and Pet Shop Boys!


Thank you for sharing your story, PWU.

CH, I'm here if you need anything man.

Silver Crusade

Thank you, FHDM. We'll hang out sometime and discuss.

Paizo Employee Associate Editor

On a lighter note, a pic of the Seattle Geek Pride marchers (possibly NSFW): link!

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