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How Would *You* Beat the Kobayashi Maru?


Off-Topic Discussions

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The Kobayashi Maru is a Starfleet training exercise designed to test
the character of cadets in the command track at Starfleet Academy.

.

> Video Link to a previous Student's test <

.

Chekov, Sulu, Scotty and Kirk each faced the problem:

o Chekov evacuates his ship and then crashes it into the three Klingon
cruisers, destroying all four ships in the process and (inadvertently)
all of the evacuees as well.

o Sulu realizes it is probably a trap and refuses to cross the Neutral
Zone.

o Scott bypasses the Klingon shields with an unorthodox technical trick
that could only work within the simulation's physics model, and not in
reality. Although he is initially successful, the Enterprise is eventually
overwhelmed by a continual stream of Klingon reinforcements.
Scott was then reassigned from the command track to engineering, which
was his intention all along.

o Kirk reprograms the simulated Klingons to be afraid of "The Captain Kirk,"
arguing that he expected to build a comparable reputation.

.

Now, your time as come. How would you win the Kobayashi Maru ?

.


Tensor wrote:


Now, your time as come. How would you win the Kobayashi Maru ?

.

My Plan:

I will dump the anti-matter in the ship's wake, and fire up the
turbo-after space burners to ignite it. Then, pull a jiggy-dog Zordac
evasive maneuver to get the burning anti-matter between the Enterprise
and the Klingons. And, then jumped away at Plaid speed warp-11.

To counter the the expected Corbomite counter-maneuver, I will have a
multi-pass strategically hidden in my pants.

Shadow Lodge

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Challenge the captains to single combat with a weapon of their choice at a location of their choosing. Try to get mortally wounded (or rather do my damnedest to not be insta decapitated) , and make my last request to let the refugees go. At least ONE of the klingon captains is going to have enough honor to fulfill the request of a dying man.


3 people marked this as a favorite.

I quickly come to the realization that since it's a simulation exercise where I'm expected to fail, I decide I'm much better off being a wingman to score some strange with blue and green chicks.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

After plotting the most logical inbound course for the ship Kobayashi Maru, I would've whipped the Enterprise around a nearby sun on the Federation side of the Neutral Zone at such a velocity as to intercept the Kobayashi Maru a day eariler and give them a "check engine soon light" message via subspace transmission.

Take THAT, Kirk!!!


Yeeeeeeeah. Tell me that s&%% wouldn't work.
Byoches.


Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

After plotting the most logical inbound course for the ship Kobayashi Maru, I would've whipped the Enterprise around a nearby sun on the Federation side of the Neutral Zone at such a velocity as to intercept the Kobayashi Maru a day eariler and give them a "check engine soon light" message via subspace transmission.

Take THAT, Kirk!!!

I'm going to add onto your idea and say whip around the sun so fast as

to go backwards in time. Then, stop the Kobayashi Maru before it enters
the N-Zone in the first place. (or blow it up if those dumb S-beeoches
don't take heed of my warning.)

.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

That'll require at least a pair of humpback whales.


I wanna fight Kirk like this guy wants to fight this chick's father NSFW


Tensor wrote:
> Video Link to a previous Student's test <

Personally, I think they should take the high-explosives out of the

desks on the bridge.

.

Andoran

I'm not especially knswledgable about star trek, but it looks similar to a training game of Robotech I was ran through once.

I did everything I could think of to complete the exercise, except the one thing that would accomplish what I needed to do, admit it was too much for me but that I was part of smethign bigger than myself and radio for backup.

Shadow Lodge

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I install seatbelts on my bridge. With this tactical advantage of not having my command staff thrown across the room repeatedly we will be invincible.

Qadira

Grand Magus wrote:
Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

After plotting the most logical inbound course for the ship Kobayashi Maru, I would've whipped the Enterprise around a nearby sun on the Federation side of the Neutral Zone at such a velocity as to intercept the Kobayashi Maru a day eariler and give them a "check engine soon light" message via subspace transmission.

Take THAT, Kirk!!!

I'm going to add onto your idea and say whip around the sun so fast as

to go backwards in time. Then, stop the Kobayashi Maru before it enters
the N-Zone in the first place. (or blow it up if those dumb S-beeoches
don't take heed of my warning.)

I went the time travel route myself, but with a more offensive tactic in mind. Head back and stop the past Enterprise from entering the Neutral Zone, then get it to follow me through another slingshot to a prior Enterprise, rinse and repeat until there are enough Enterprises to soundly thrash the Klingon ships and save the day. Hot green-skinned aliens for everyone!


"The only way to win the game is not to play." - W0PR


Man, that is so thrusters and impulse power only.


A win is still a win, even without explosions. :)


I quickly order the ship's computer to disable the safeties on the Alcubierre warp drive, and then I engage the engines and kill everything in front of the ship.

Andoran

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Re-direct all power, including for warp engines and weapon systems, but excluding the transporter systems, to the shields. Have engineering refine and enhance the annular confinement beam of the transporter system so that it can beam through shields.

Arm all crew with phasers and get them to the transporter room. A few volunteers remain behind to steer the ship and control the transporters. Fly towards the klingon ships with shields at maximum. Start beaming the crew across onto the command deck of one of the klingon cruisers, starting with the best marksmen – attacking with the element of surprise they are able to over-power the klingon command crew and lock out the bridge. The Federation command crew beams in and uses the captured klingon ship to destroy a second klingon ship before they realise what is going on. Additional crew members beaming open head through the captured klingon ship killing klingons before they can mount a cohesive counterattack, making capturing the engine room a priority.

The Enterprise / federation starship should have enough power in shields to have survived up until this point; depending on the unfolding situation, the skeleton crew left aboard either power up the weapons and help the captured klingon ship destroy the third cruiser, or ram the third cruiser, disabling or destroying both ships in the process.

The boarders on the first cruiser have by this point mainly defeated or locked down the remaining klingon crew in non essential parts of the ship, the element of surprise and confusion giving the Starfleet crew the advantage despite the klingon’s superior strength and hand to hand combat skill. The captured ship (plus the Federation Starship if it is not destroyed) then assist the Kobayashi Maru out of the Neutral Zone.

Prior to reporting to Starfleet, order all officers to amend or erase all sensor data and recordings to indicate that the incident in fact took place just within Federation Space rather than in the neutral zone. The politicians and diplomats take over from here, and with no hard evidence that the Federation violated the treaty, war is averted.

Celebrate victory by banging two hot aliens.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Fire everything the ship's got at the Kobayashi Maru, then engage self-destruct. Spend the countdown telling the instructors that this is a BS test but if they really want to see an unpleasant outcome I've just given them one. How do they accept it?

Andoran

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Actually, the best ‘legitimate’ way to play the scenario is probably to fire on and destroy the Kobayashi Maru then retreat – that way, there is no conclusive proof that a Federation Ship was inside the Neutral Zone at all, the crew of the Maru can’t be tortured / used as political prisoners by the klingons, and you don’t lose a second Federation ship.

Osirion

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

I use a big f$*@ing hammer and beat that s%&! like it was my breakfast egg.

Silver Crusade

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion, Modules Subscriber

IDDQD

IDKFA

UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT B A

JUSTIN BAILEY

COME AT ME BRO


Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:
I wanna fight Kirk like this guy wants to fight this chick's father NSFW

Ha they are just a poor copy of TISM

TISM He'll Never Be An Old Man River .
TISM - Greg! The Stop Sign.


Change the rules, of course.

Grand Lodge

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game, Tales Subscriber
Tensor wrote:

The Kobayashi Maru is a Starfleet training exercise designed to test

the character of cadets in the command track at Starfleet Academy.

.

> Video Link to a previous Student's test <

.

Chekov, Sulu, Scotty and Kirk each faced the problem:

o Chekov evacuates his ship and then crashes it into the three Klingon
cruisers, destroying all four ships in the process and (inadvertently)
all of the evacuees as well.

o Sulu realizes it is probably a trap and refuses to cross the Neutral
Zone.

o Scott bypasses the Klingon shields with an unorthodox technical trick
that could only work within the simulation's physics model, and not in
reality. Although he is initially successful, the Enterprise is eventually
overwhelmed by a continual stream of Klingon reinforcements.
Scott was then reassigned from the command track to engineering, which
was his intention all along.

o Kirk reprograms the simulated Klingons to be afraid of "The Captain Kirk,"
arguing that he expected to build a comparable reputation.

.

Now, your time as come. How would you win the Kobayashi Maru ?

.

It's not supposed to be a winnable test, technically Sulu failed it just as badly as Chekov, by essentially refusing to participate.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Ignite main engine-accomplished-
Accumulate energy-accomplished-
Safe locks released-accomplished-
Gun ready,target aquired,crew ready for the backblast.
WAVE MOTION GUN....FIRE
.....
.....
......
........
Damn, wrong starship and wrong universe.
Yamato Wave Motion Gun


Considering that this was a possibility according to in-universe physics (and canon!) by the time Wrath of Khan was around, I choose to do the following:

Step 1: Engage a high-warp, high-angle course through the Neutral Zone.

Step 2: Activate all (because the ship has more than one) Transporter Rooms on emergency beam-in state. This includes cargo transporters, emergency transporters on shuttle-craft, etc.

Step 3: Lock on to all crew on the Kobayashi Maru and beam them aboard to all incoming transporter pads while still engaged at high-warp speed.

Step 4: Get the heck out of Dodge.

This would PROBABLY result in a run-and-gun battle at Warp, but at least it would (temporarily) save the crew.

Until the simulation decided that no good deed goes unpunished, that is.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Too much contemplation; INVOKE LEEROY JENKINS!

Grand Lodge

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game, Tales Subscriber
jemstone wrote:

Considering that this was a possibility according to in-universe physics (and canon!) by the time Wrath of Khan was around, I choose to do the following:

Step 1: Engage a high-warp, high-angle course through the Neutral Zone.

Step 2: Activate all (because the ship has more than one) Transporter Rooms on emergency beam-in state. This includes cargo transporters, emergency transporters on shuttle-craft, etc.

Step 3: Lock on to all crew on the Kobayashi Maru and beam them aboard to all incoming transporter pads while still engaged at high-warp speed.

Step 4: Get the heck out of Dodge.

This would PROBABLY result in a run-and-gun battle at Warp, but at least it would (temporarily) save the crew.

Until the simulation decided that no good deed goes unpunished, that is.

If I'm not mistaken, it's not that hard to throw up a scattering field to spanner up those particular works, especially now that such tactics are known. The idea of the test is to force people into the no-win situation as a test of character. IF there is a demonstrated avenue out of Kobyashi Maru, then the parameters of the test will evolve to close that avenue out.


LazarX wrote:
jemstone wrote:

Considering that this was a possibility according to in-universe physics (and canon!) by the time Wrath of Khan was around, I choose to do the following:

Step 1: Engage a high-warp, high-angle course through the Neutral Zone.

Step 2: Activate all (because the ship has more than one) Transporter Rooms on emergency beam-in state. This includes cargo transporters, emergency transporters on shuttle-craft, etc.

Step 3: Lock on to all crew on the Kobayashi Maru and beam them aboard to all incoming transporter pads while still engaged at high-warp speed.

Step 4: Get the heck out of Dodge.

This would PROBABLY result in a run-and-gun battle at Warp, but at least it would (temporarily) save the crew.

Until the simulation decided that no good deed goes unpunished, that is.

If I'm not mistaken, it's not that hard to throw up a scattering field to spanner up those particular works, especially now that such tactics are known. The idea of the test is to force people into the no-win situation as a test of character. IF there is a demonstrated avenue out of Kobyashi Maru, then the parameters of the test will evolve to close that avenue out.

You're right - and the Federation, at the time, could do that - as they were the ones who figured out High-Warp-Transports. But unless I'm dearly mistaken, Klingons didn't have that knowledge (yet).

But yes, the simulation is specifically built to cheat, so at least I'd go out in a blaze of glory having scored high marks for inventiveness.


Since you're supposed to cheat at this anyway:

"Reprogram" the transporters for a long range beam-in. While you're hacking the simulation, make it a stealth beam-in (no transmission signature). Beam-in the passengers on the sly, let the Klingons blow up the Maru.

Note: Need to make sure that there is a believable recording of the distress call and pleading from the Maru to the Klingons.

Of course, this takes advantage of the fact that the passengers are all simulated anyway.

Andoran RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16

Develop a super-detailed holodeck simulation of the testing area, program it so that I win, and lure the testing staff into it. If all goes well no one's the wiser.

Qadira

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:
I wanna fight Kirk like this guy wants to fight this chick's father NSFW

Um...wow

Qadira

When all solutions lead to failure then the only way to win is not to play. I choose not to start a war by crossing the neutral zone.


The new star trek movie ruined that scene worse than making ninja turtles aliens.

Andoran

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
jemstone wrote:

Considering that this was a possibility according to in-universe physics (and canon!) by the time Wrath of Khan was around, I choose to do the following:

Step 1: Engage a high-warp, high-angle course through the Neutral Zone.

Step 2: Activate all (because the ship has more than one) Transporter Rooms on emergency beam-in state. This includes cargo transporters, emergency transporters on shuttle-craft, etc.

Step 3: Lock on to all crew on the Kobayashi Maru and beam them aboard to all incoming transporter pads while still engaged at high-warp speed.

Step 4: Get the heck out of Dodge.

This would PROBABLY result in a run-and-gun battle at Warp, but at least it would (temporarily) save the crew.

Until the simulation decided that no good deed goes unpunished, that is.

In TOS (including the early movies as far as I’m aware), I don’t think Transporters worked at Warp speeds. In TNG they had a couple of episodes where they used transporters at warp speeds, but only two / from other ships with matching velocities.

Qadira

Warp in to the backside of the Kobayashi Maru - emergency transport using any and all available transporters - warp out with your tail between your legs. You will still die from the cloaked ships but it is the best tactical approach.

Andoran

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Hmmm ... did klingons have cloaking technology at the time the test was conceived? I don’t think they did. If they didn’t, I suppose the test would be upgraded to include this technology in later years.

Qadira

Yes, they most certainly did.

Cheliax

Send ahead an unmanned probe emitting fake holographic and energy signals to mimic the Enterprise imprint, lure out the klingons, charge in shields blazing and phase them out of existance, retrieve the Kobayashi Maru crew.

Andoran

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Crimson Jester wrote:
Yes, they most certainly did.

Yeah, by Wrath of Khan (when we first see the test) the klingons had cloaking technology, but at the time that Kirk took the test (prior to his captaincy of the Enterprise), the klingons would have been using D7 cruisers (or earlier models) which could not cloak in TOS.

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.

On the other hand, when Kirk took it, there wasn't a neutral zone with the Klingons, only the Romulans. And they didn't know the Romulans had cloaks yet.

But nothing says that it couldn't have been an entirely different set of can't-win dickery back then.


"Hey Klingon captain #2! Klingon captain #1 called your pint a puff!"

(While they are fighting, beam off the crew of the Kobayashi and run).


I think a Phaser pointed at the graders head would get you a passing grade.

Andoran

Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber

Self-destruct the ship in the middle of the enemy ships.


Elinor Knutsdottir wrote:


"Hey Klingon captain #2! Klingon captain #1 called your pint a puff!"

(While they are fighting, beam off the crew of the Kobayashi and run).

"Ohh, gurl. He called you a MACH TACH! You just going to stand there like a MACH TACH and take that? He said you would. Um. Hummmm.. That's right." <--Channeling every episode of Jerry Springer ever.

Andoran

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Ross Byers wrote:

On the other hand, when Kirk took it, there wasn't a neutral zone with the Klingons, only the Romulans. And they didn't know the Romulans had cloaks yet.

But nothing says that it couldn't have been an entirely different set of can't-win dickery back then.

Fair enough. We know that Kirk’s test included klingons, and reports indicate that when several of the Enterprises senior officers (eg Sulu) took the test it included the Neutral Zone as a factor, but that might be a mistake or non-canon.


Given that there are actually few canon examples of what the test actually involves, how much difference between the various examples are there? Kirk fought (And out-cheated the program to win) against Klingons. Who or what have others been shown to fight? Is the test always a distress call from within the Neutral Zone (Or 'A Neutral Zone'?)

I also think this has great 'open source' type roll playing potential. Everything determined by posts, no 'hard' rules necessary, but of course with an eye to what is 'officially' possible within canon.

With one person being the Test-ee and others taking part as crew etc within the test. One person is designated 'SM' (Scenario Manager) and giving information to people via Private Messages'. Thoughts? Comments?

Much cheers to you and yours.


, wrote:
... Kirk fought (And out-cheated the program to win) against Klingons. ...

.

Kirk didn't out-cheat the program, he re-programmed it. This implies Kirk is a computer programmer (I think C++ programmer).

"Kirk reprogramed the simulated Klingons to be afraid of "The Captain Kirk,"
arguing that he expected to build a comparable reputation."

.


*Nods* In reply to Grand Magus.

Indeed, but as has already been posted, the program adapts, changes and 'cheats' to come out on top against the applicants. Kirk's changing of this is, in itself, something that would be 'outside' of what those setting the test would have wanted.

Kirk went 'outside the rules', which is -in all essences- what cheating can be said to be.

Of course, this is something that is shown to be in the 'nature' of the character of Kirk. In engagements etc, there are actually rarely 'rules' as such. So treating all things as guidelines to be used to 'steer' by but not be constrained within is what we see of the character time and again.

*wonders who would be interested in working on a PbP style 'Kobayashi Maru'*

*Bows*

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