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Please read this information about playtesting these encounters. We've also added hyperlinks from the encounter's short stat blocks to the full stat blocks in the PRD so you have the information you need to run the encounter.
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Five hundred miles due west of the Sodden Lands, midway between Mediogalti Island and the northwestern edge of the Shackles, and only 100 miles from the western edge of the Eye of Abendego stands a labyrinthine forest of two dozen or so colossal stone columns known as the Gloomspires. Named for the strange wind-resistant mists that frequently enshroud them, the perfectly square columns each stand 2,000 feet tall, 500 feet around, and are spaced exactly 100 feet apart. The columns are fashioned from titanic stone blocks stacked atop one another, yet who created them remains a mystery for they were already old when the empire of Ghol-Gan was young and look nothing like the ruins of the ancient cyclopes found throughout the region. The Gloomspires radiate an unmistakable aura of unease and wrongness, and visitors report a disturbing inability to accurately count the columns since many of them inexplicably vanish, re-appear, or shift in position when they are not being directly observed.
Surrounded by coral reefs and water constantly roiled by the Eye of Abendego, no vessel larger than a jolly-boat can safely approach within two miles of the Gloomspires. The columns are riddled with ancient chambers and passageways, cleverly hidden behind secret doors and illusion-veiled cave openings. Those few who have dared to enter the columns and returned have come away with tales of encountering fearsome monsters, horrific undead and devious traps. These chambers were created by the columns’ inscrutable builders for unknown purposes. However, since the time of Ghol-Gan, many of them have been claimed and re-purposed by more recent visitors. One such site is the column in which the notorious pirate Sempet Eightfingers built his tomb.
Sempet Eightfingers was a pirate captain and powerful wizard who terrorized the sea lanes from Varisia to Sargava nearly 300 years ago. Unwilling to allow his ill-gotten wealth to fall into another’s hands, Sempet constructed a tomb inside one of the ancient Gloomspire columns and filled it with traps and monstrous guardians. When his tomb was finished he sealed himself inside and was never seen again. Centuries later, Old Eightfingers is regarded as a sort of boogeyman among the pirates of the Shackles. Pirate legends claim that vast riches undoubtedly lay unclaimed in Eightfinger’s Tomb, though these same pirates are usually quick to add that Old Eightfingers probably still watches over his treasure as a vengeful lich, blood-drinking ghost, or worse horror.
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Read the following when the PCs open the trap door leading to Room 1:
The chain ladder descends 50 feet from the trap door in the ceiling to where it is bolted to the floor of the raised landing in the center of the chamber. PCs climbing the ladder must make a successful DC 5 Climb check to descend safely. The chain links rattle loudly, and cause climbers to suffer a -10 to any Stealth checks. Assuming they have adequate light sources, read the following as the PCs descend into the chamber:
The mud covering the floor is only one foot deep. The central stone landing is five feet tall and the other three stone landings are 10 feet tall. The two squares on the map marked with contain the mud-covered bones of Hrethnar’s skeletal guardians. Until the skeletons rise from the mud, they are difficult to see. PCs observing the western section of the chamber can make a DC 15 Perception check to notice a few bones protruding from the mud.
Creatures:
A notorious Ulfen corsair, Hrethnar the Red served as Sempet Eightfinger’s first mate for many years. Together the villains waylaid scores of merchant ships as they plundered and slaughtered their way to infamy. After many years of faithful service, Hrethnar’s greed and ambition drove him to attempt a mutiny. Eightfingers caught wind of Hrethnar’s treachery and slew him with powerful magic. However, before Hrethnar’s soul could slip away to receive Pharasma’s judgment his former captain used foul necromancy to transform him into a bog mummy. Hrethnar now sits as lord and master of a dungeon level in his old captain’s tomb, cursed with undeath and forced to guard the treasures he coveted in life.
Low Tier (CR 6):
Hrethnar, Bog Mummy CR 5 (see spoiler below)
XP 1,600
hp 60 (Bestiary 210, Pathfinder 34: Blood for Blood 31)
Gear necklace of fireballs (Type I)
Tactics: When combat begins, Hrethnar orders the skeletons to rise and engage the PCs. He remains near the throne and begins tossing missiles from his necklace of fireballs at the PCs. He uses the most powerful missiles first and does not care if his undead minions are caught in the blast. After his missiles are depleted Hrethnar enters melee himself. He targets the largest, most heavily armored PCs first.
Skeletons (6) CR 1/3 LINK
XP 135 each
hp 4 each (Bestiary 250)
Melee masterwork cutlass +3 (1d6+2/18-20)
Tactics: The skeletons remain inert until Hrethnar orders them to attack, at which point they rise from the mud to engage the PCs. They fight in pairs and each pair targets a single PC. The skeletons are mindless and do not avoid the areas of razor rubble and tentacle mold.
High Tier (CR 9):
Hrethnar, Bog Mummy CR 5 (see spoiler below)
XP 1,600
hp 60 (Bestiary 210, Pathfinder 34: Blood for Blood 31)
Gear necklace of fireballs (Type II)
Tactics: Same as Low Tier.
Vampire Spawn (2) CR 4
XP 1,200 each
hp 26 each (Bestiary 271)
Tactics: The vampire spawn are hiding behind the throne when the PCs enter the chamber (allow an opposed Perception check against the vampire spawns’ Stealth check of +16 to spot them). After Hrethnar orders them to attack, the vampire spawn move in and target any divine spellcasters, arcane spellcasters, or rogues (in that order of preference). They work as a team and try to flank their opponents. They are aware of and actively avoid the razor rubble and tentacle mold.
Skeletal Champion Warrior 1 (4) CR 2 LINK
XP 600 each
hp 17 each (Bestiary 252)
Melee masterwork cutlass +7 (1d6+3/18-20)
Tactics: Same as Low Tier skeletons except, like the vampire spawn, they avoid the razor rubble and tentacle mold.
Hazards:
Muddy Floor: The muddy floor counts as difficult terrain.
Razor Rubble: The orange areas on the map contain deposits of broken shells and jagged rocks that are equivalent to razor rubble (“Hazardous Terrain”, Design Tuesday Blog, March 8, 2011). Covered with mud, the razor rubble is difficult to detect. PCs within 10 feet of a square containing razor rubble are allowed a DC 15 Perception check as a free action to notice it.
Tentacle Mold: The green area on the map is covered with a carpet of green mold equivalent to tentacle mold (“Hazardous Terrain”, Design Tuesday Blog, March 8, 2011). The mold is resistant to most attacks, except for cold. Any cold damage applied to a square containing mold destroys the mold in that square. A successful DC 20 Knowledge (Nature) check identifies the mold as tentacle mold.
Development: The undead in this chamber fight until they are destroyed. They pursue fleeing PCs anywhere on this dungeon level, but they will not leave the level.
Bog Mummy CR 5
XP 1,600
Variant mummy (Pathfinder RPG Bestiary 210)
LE Medium undead
Init +4; Senses darkvision 60 ft.; Perception +16
Aura despair (30 ft., paralyzed for 1d4 rounds, Will DC 16 negates)
Defense
AC 20, touch 10, flat-footed 20 (+10 natural)
hp 60 (8d8+24)
Fort +4, Ref +2, Will +8
DR 5/—; Immune undead traits; Resist fire 10
Weaknesses vulnerability to cold
Offense
Speed 20 ft.
Melee slam +14 (1d8+10 plus mummy rot)
Statistics
Str 24, Dex 10, Con —, Int 6, Wis 15, Cha 15
Base Atk +6; CMB +13; CMD 23
Feats Improved Initiative, Power Attack, Toughness, Weapon Focus (slam)
Skills Perception +16, Stealth +11
Good looking map reference, I like the fact that it is hand drawn and clean and easy to read all of the various details. The use of a standard map Legend/Key and numbered locations on the map is always very helpful when working on a map.
Having two different cross sections is great, you get a sense of the scale from the main overview cross section/side view.
Nice looking map reference sketch, this would be a fun one to draw up and add some extra little details, like maybe a little boat approaching the side-view just barely skimming over the ragged coral reef below. Nice work!
This is how you do it. Great map, great location, great encounter.
Makes me want to see the dungeon or adventure this comes from. Evocative and fun. Good, fun old school stuff and with a Skull and Shackles-friendly relevance. That shows you know what you are doing.
What you are lacking is a cinematic element to the encounter. Its pretty static. But still this is a superior submission, particularly when compared to some of the others.
STRONGLY RECOMMENDED
Welcome to the Top 8, Tom. Looks like your experience from prior years is really paying off for you. And now you've found your way into a unique position. From here, you've got a major opportunity to really impress a lot of folks and secure yourself some bonafide freelancing opportunities, not just with Paizo but other third-party publishers, as well. The trick lies in putting forth your best work. Show us you belong.
So, with that in mind, I've made a point of really combing through everyone's designs this go-around. You should have learned a lot of lessons up to this point. Now, we need to see how well you've incorporated them and how well you've learned to apply them. In fact, encounter design is the primary precursor to adventure design. It incorporates your storytelling ability, your map-making ability, your stat-block ability, and rolls up enough other elements of game design skills that it really starts to bring it altogether. So, let's go through it and see what you've given us...
- Eightfinger's Tomb? I like the name. It tells us what kind of location it is...i.e., it's a tomb. And, we get a hint towards your villain (or at least the main villain from the location's backstory) with the namedropping of Eightfingers. It's also a worthwhile effort to associate this location with the pirates of the Shackles. Clearly, you're aware of the upcoming Skull & Shackles adventure path. So, you're counting on stirring up support for your design by drawing on everyone's interest in that campaign. While some might view that as opportunistic, it's actually a very wise thing for a freelancer to do. Not just for the purposes of succeeding in this contest, but also in looking for ways to assist a publisher in helping promote their existing product lines and staying up to speed on what they're doing. I approve.
- Well done on the map. It's clear and loaded with information. You've given us some cross-section views, both for the overall structure and the actual room you've chosen for your encounter. Nice use of color to designate special areas. Good room key and map key to explain everything. I also really like the intriguing areas you've marked on the map and left unexplained. Places like the Hall of the Flesh-eaters and the Labyrinth of Hungry Ghosts leading into the Oblivion Shaft are cool indications that this dungeon contains lots more potential for adventure. Likewise with the Face of the Void and the Sphere From Eox on the level you chose to detail further intrigue me. I like the imagination you've woven into all these places. And I'm eager to read more about Hrethnar's Throne.
- "...a labyrinthine forest of two dozen or so colossal stone columns known as the Gloomspires..." This is an interesting choice for an adventuring location. By hiding it among the islands of the Shackles and the mists stirred up by the Eye of Abendego, you've got some logical reasons for why this forest of 2,000-foot spires has gone somewhat unnoticed or, at least, not yet fully explored. Having a pirate choose one of them as his final resting place...and thereby requiring would-be looters to sail out to his tomb to find him...is a nice, credible touch that gives us some insight into your villain. It's always a nice element when your choice of adventuring location builds off and enhances the characterization of your villain. It's a really good storytelling medium to evoke in your designs, because the reader can immediately identify with and associate those things together in their mind.
- Your writing is alternately evocative and weak at times. Go back through and identify all the usages of the verb "to be" by highlighting "is"..."are"..."was"...and "were"...and you'll see you rely way too much on that to convey your ideas. Overall, your writing would be stronger if you can find ways to use more active verbs as you present your villain's backstory and the location's history. Sometimes, it's okay to rely on a "was" or "were" when talking about things in the past. But use them sparingly.
- Good, evocative details on describing the throne room.
- Nice use of the Creatures section in your encounter location to describe Hrethnar for us. Obviously, he's an underling of Eightfingers, but you've done justice to his story, too, by describing it here in this encounter. That's what a freelancer is supposed to do when crafting an encounter. Each one needs to come off as its own compelling bit of fun, both for the GM and the players. Additionally, finally someone implements a decent Tactics line in their stat-blocks to correctly separate the creature's information and setup from their actual actions during combat. This tells me you know what you're doing around encounter design. Well done.
- I also see you've made crafty references to save yourself word count with the short stat-blocks calling out to Blood for Blood and the Design Tuesday blog. Interesting. The rules don't actually forbid that. However, just be advised you'd have to provide a full-length stat-block if you did this in a real publication for Paizo...because they restrict you to PRD-only sources for this kind of thing.
- I think your CR 6 encounter (on its surface) looks like a reasonable effort. But, I suspect it won't be especially challenging for 6th level characters. The throwaway skeletons will be blasted out of existence as soon as a PC cleric channels positive energy (which you know they'll do as soon as they're faced with Hrethnar's mummy. And, in general, that really makes this more of a CR-1 encounter for the PCs...because there'll only be a CR 5 mummy left for them to battle after the very first round. That makes this an easy encounter, which is kind of disappointing. I'd have rather seen you give us something more compelling and dangerous here...at least a CR+1 encounter or even a CR+2. Sadly, that's not what we've got here.
- The problem gets worse at the higher tier. You've got a CR 9 encounter (again, on the surface), but it's filled with a single CR 5 mummy, two CR 4 vampire spawn, and two CR 2 skeletal champions. Again, a PC cleric channeling 9d6 positive energy is going to do an average of 31-32 points of damage with a single blast. That's enough to slay all of the skeletons and the vampire spawn if they fail their save. Even if they succeed, a second blast surely finishes them off. That's not even counting whatever damage the other three members of a presumed adventuring party are dishing out on their own. Again, the most likely result is the PCs will be left facing Hrethnar's CR 5 mummy and he'll go down even faster against 9th level PCs. So, this encounter isn't designed properly as an appropriate challenge. About the only thing you've got going whereby you manage to ramp up the difficulty (aside from attempting to do so with some really weak CR add-ons) is the necklace of fireballs. That can certainly have an impact on a round by round basis. But, some simple fire resistance preparation by the PCs cuts that threat down right away. Even if the PCs don't prepare something like that, the party cleric can pump out 6d6 or 9d6 channeled positive energy to erase whatever damage the necklace causes. So, you didn't go far enough here. When designing encounters, you should generally always reach for adversaries which are at least equal in CR to the APL, or no worse than CR-1. Then, if you add some extra creatures, it still keeps them within the realm of being challenging without overwhelming the party. So, for example, at the low-tier, I'd have suggested you go with a CR 6 advanced mummy for Hrethnar. Then, give him a couple of CR 4 vampire spawn. Together, that's a CR 8 encounter...which means it's a CR+2 compared to the APL. That's challenging enough, and rightly so, as this throne room should represent the more challenging location for this level of your dungeon. Afterwards, the PCs can rest up, replenish their resources, and start exploring for a way down to the next level.
- Your Hazards section should really come before the stat-block rundown so it catches the GM's eye during the examination of what Creatures are present in the location and the environment around them. You'd want to do the same thing if you're describing a trap or a haunt. Basically, you want the GM to get a complete picture of everything that's present (and why) first. Then, you hit him with all the stat-block explanations and actual tactics for running the combat.
- I didn't really care for the Design Tuesday Blog call-outs with the new hazards. Design blogs aren't "official" enough for me to really consider it part of the rules yet. But again, the rules for this round of the competition didn't actually forbid you from doing that. It's "published" content by Paizo just like anything else. That said, I can also appreciate your creativity and overall knowledge for knowing those pieces existed to help prop up your design. Reaching out to obscure pieces of stuff like that demonstrates your innovation in trying to enhance your design. And, that's actually a good trait for a freelancer to have. Just be careful with it and make sure you're operating within the guidelines of whatever direction Paizo and their developers give you.
So, given all that, I'm going to RECOMMEND you advance to the next round. At the very least, I think you've got what it takes to become a potential adventure designer. I think a Paizo developer can adequately guide and train you to correct any of the missteps we saw here. And I'm confident you'll have what it takes to bring us some compelling, interesting ideas down the road. At the very least, I want to see what kind of adventure proposal you have in mind.
I'll also call attention to your earlier work for everyone to consider. Your feywhisper crown was really inspired and showed a healthy amount of creativity. You've demonstrated that over and over again throughout the contest. Your Sisters of Chana-Zhol also drew really well upon Golarion canon and struck a positive chord with a fair number of people. Likewise, your slaughterhound really brought the pain as an interesting, inspired monster design. That's three rounds worth of very cool work. No matter how the voting comes out, you should recognize that and how much you've accomplished this year. Best of luck and I hope to see you in the final round.
Tom, welcome to the Top 8!
I like the map. It's clear and easily duplicated. I like the use of color. And I like the side perspectives and the notes to the cartographer.
Given that the "allowed sources" for R4 include all volumes of the Pathfinder Adventure Path, referring to the bog mummies with a short stat block is allowed by the contest rules. If this were part of a published adventure or scenario, we'd include the full stat block in the adventure the first time the creature appeared.
I think Neil's comments on the CR of your encounters are accurate, though the idea behind undead in the d20 system is "make the challenge appropriate for a party without a cleric, and if you happen to have a cleric in the party and that makes the encounter easier, that's okay, and it makes the cleric's player happy." Also, any encounter with undead that results in a cleric using channel to harm undead means one fewer channel available later in the day when the party needs healing (so sayeth the player of Vorn, battle cleric who'd rather be swinging his greatsword but is surrounded by other party members who don't own a single healing potion and rely on him for all their healing).
As for the Design Tuesday blog, you asked me privately about this, Vic and I discussed it, and we were fine with it. As with the bog mummy, if this were a published adventure or scenario, we'd reprint all the relevant text in the book.
I think this is a strong submission: cool location, cool encounter, good map.
Director of Brand Strategy
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Hi Tom, welcome to the top 8! I'm approaching all 8 entries this round as a sample of work for four authors who will have a chance to write a scenario or module that I'll be developing if they progress to the next round. That means I'm looking at how well this location could fit into the world and a larger adventure, how well you've tiered your encounter, how much work would go into getting the map prepped for a cartographer, and how much time I'd need to spend on this developing it for publication. Let's see what we've got!
First, I like the simple title. It's evocative of adventure without being too cryptic or descriptive. I'm eager to learn more about it just from that, so good job with the title.
I really like the description and history of the location, and despite this being just a single encounter, you've created something here without using too large a section of your word count that we could easily use again and build a larger adventure out of. Condensed a bit, your first two paragraphs could easily be an entry in a regional gazetteer for GMs to build their own adventures around. As far as pure location design goes, you did an excellent job.
Looking at your map, I'd need to do very little to get this off to the cartographer. I can think of very few notes I'd need to make that the map itself doesn't cover, as you have used color and symbols very well without cluttering the map. Some of your encounter areas (3, 4, 5, and possibly 8a-d might be a bit cramped for a party of four PCs and any potential enemies, but without knowing what's in those from the assignment, I can't make that call. Area 1, where you've set your encounter is more than spacious enough for the encounter that you've written. The layout of the various chambers makes sense and this is a believably laid out tomb.
In your encounter itself, there are a few stylistic quibbles I'll mention that I often provide as feedback to authors in their first assignments for me. You made the classic error of writing read-aloud text in the second person. In general, this should only be done when an NPC is speaking directly to the PCs and you're quoting their dialogue. Any other use of "you" assumes PCs' actions, reactions, or opinions. It's easy enough to avoid once you know to do so, so keep an eye out for that in the future.
Additionally, you say "suffer a -10 penalty to any Stealth checks" while it should be "-10 penalty on Stealth checks." Numerals should always be spelled out in read-aloud text.
I would move the hazards information into the running text of the adventure rather than a bolded list, and make sure the information appears before the Creatures entry, as the GM should know everything about the environment before getting details about who or what are in that environment. As it is, this information could easily be overlooked.
The encounter background is simple and makes sense within the adventure. I wouldn't need to reflavor the encounter to make it fit within the location or a larger adventure. In the lower tier, I'd consider changing the CR 1/3 skeletons to fewer, slightly higher CR skeletal champions, as 4 hp mindless undead are not going to last a round, and will likely be taken out by one of Hrethnar's own fireballs. A mook isn't an effective mook if it doesn't actually harry the PCs in any way or require them to spend any actions. In the high tier, I'm really thrown off by the vampire spawn. There's no vampire here, nor mention of one elsewhere in the complex, and it seems like mixing iconic monsters to put a mummy and vampire spawn together. If you want CR 4 creatures, I'd suggest CR 4 skeletal champions instead to stay true to the theme of the encounter and the lower tier, which has no vampires. To make matters even simpler, I'd eliminate the 4 CR 2 champions and just have CR 4 skeletons, as a CR 2 creature isn't even notable against 9th-level PCs. If you raise Hrethnar's HD and increase his CR by a few, he'll be a larger threat as well, and really feel like the focus of the encounter rather than just one of several CR 4-5 monsters.
You used non-standard sources in a creative way, but not in such a way that they'd require tons of extra work explaining in the adventure. In a published product, you wouldn't actually be able to include any of these stat blocks in the short format used here, as we'd need to reprint the bog mummy stats with alternate gear as well as the skeletal champion stats with their gear, but neither should be a particularly long stat block. Still, it's something to keep in mind regarding word count and encounter design, especially in tiered encounters.
In all, this is a very strong entry and one I RECOMMEND for advancement. I look forward to seeing what else you can do, Tom. Best of luck.
Issues:
"Cyclopes" seems wrong to me; should be "Cyclops" I think. Marginal corner case, just be careful. (I just saw Mark's comment - I'm leaving this here so that voters know that it was considered, checked, and found correct - which actually should give the designer props for getting this weird one right!)
Comments:
Gloomspires are awesome. There's a whole product here waiting to be written. I hope I see it some day.
Hrethnar is a great opponent for this encounter; he's tied in to the main story you've created but he's an appropriate mid-adventure challenge. Eightfinger gets creepier with each revelation of his past!
Recommendation:
This is a stellar submission and exactly what SuperStar is all about.
Please vote for this designer!
You made the classic error of writing read-aloud text in the second person. In general, this should only be done when an NPC is speaking directly to the PCs and you're quoting their dialogue. Any other use of "you" assumes PCs' actions, reactions, or opinions.
Still just reading through all of the entries... but at least for me, I don't think this instance is as big a problem as it usually is (though obviously it's not something you generally want to see).
Tom's not assuming HOW the PCs will descend and clearly if the adventure is going to continue, they have to. I suppose they could teleport down, but my guess is not too many players would use a valuable resource of that nature to do so.
Liking this one a lot. Great location, awesome levels as yet unwritten and a gloomy villain - forced to guard the treasure he cherished in life? Eightfingers you are inspired! Ver well done Tom!
Wow, Tom. Your entries were awesome back in 2010, and they're still great today.
You've got a vote from me. I can't wait to see your final round adventure!
I can't wait to test this out on my players. Should make for a fun evening. Looking it over, I think I will probably use the CR 6 version for testing. Otherwise, a great job and a vote from me.
Neil, a 9th level cleric channels 5d6 points of positive energy, averaging 20 to 21 points of damage per round. A 6th level cleric channels 10 to 11 points of damage from her 3d6 channel.
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Good map, 2nd best in the 8 submissions. Encounter was okay in design, and what is with all the undead in these submissions? Skeletons that trigger the rooms obstacles. A bog mummy who commands idiot undead. Feels a bit like Army of Darkness. No combat tactics at all except burst damage that will destroy all the support monters. Never been a fan of multiple layers and only 1 door away. Love that monsters stay in their shell awaiting the PC's to come kill them and the rest just sit in their places. Too static.
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This isn't a playtest response, but a "first impression" response, equally important since encounters have to be engaging enough to make me want to get four to six players around a table and give up their time to me.
Awesome.
I want to see all of the rooms in this complex based on the names, map, and location/bbeg descriptions.
Skeletons seem a bit weak, but with a 50 foot jingly chain ladder that requires a climb check (1/4 speed) and provides -stealth, I'm throwing fireballs at climbers all day til someone jumps (or better, falls) into the environmental hazard below.
I didn't like the vampire spawn, either, but only from a fluff standpoint...not understanding their motives for staying there.
This one looks like a lot of fun, and makes me want to run it right away. This is exactly the kind of encounter and location I want to see in my AP's and modules.
Excellent! Most excellent! I love the creepy, creepy Gloomspires, and would love to see what else is in the tomb.
Good map and backstory. While it's just a "couple of monsters in a room" type encounter, it's got enough flavour to make it interesting.
It suffers the same problem as one of the other encounters - CR 1/3 skeletons aren't even going to be a distraction in a CR6 encounter.
Neil, a 9th level cleric channels 5d6 points of positive energy, averaging 20 to 21 points of damage per round. A 6th level cleric channels 10 to 11 points of damage from her 3d6 channel.
Correct. I was a bit rushed in my mechanical analysis this go-around. I thought 8 reviews were going to be easy to squeeze out (compared to 16 stat-block reviews last round), but I was wrong! :-)
Also, despite that oversight on my part, I do believe my underlying point still stands. A 6th level cleric will likely eliminate the low-level minions with a single channel. The same is very likely for the 9th level cleric at the higher tier. Once that happens, both parties are facing a CR 5 mummy. At the low tier, that's a CR-1 encounter...i.e., easy. At the high tier, that's a CR-4 encounter...i.e., not even much of a speed bump.
Generally, you should strive to use creatures right around the same CR as the APL to build a compelling encounter. That way, they're at least all individually a threat with some staying power for the life of the encounter. And, if you need to ratchet up the difficulty of the encounter, you can then add a CR-2 monster in there to achieve an overall CR+1 encounter (i.e., challenging) or put another creature with an equal CR to the first one to take it up to a CR+2 encounter (i.e., difficult). That'll make the encounter a lot more compelling for the PCs (and use up a lot more of their resources), which is what you want to do for this assignment...i.e., you need to do more than a run-of-the-mill, easy encounter for RPG Superstar.
But that's just my two cents (and I still heartily recommend Tom's submission),
--Neil
Just wanted to say that i am VERY impressed with your submission. Clear and easy to follow, and I can't wait to playtest it this weekend.
The map is top notch. The flavor of the area is great, haunted pirate tomb? Yes, please!
I'm not certain about the vampire spawn in the higher tier encounter. Classic Horrors Revisited, page 47 mentions that "[...] Vampires
deprived of blood gradually lose their lifelike appearance, withering into corpses ravaged to the extent time would naturally intend. In addition, the obsession with blood comes to dominate their starved psyches, driving them to the brink of madness and, in cases of extreme deprivation, irretrievably over it. [...]". I get the feeling that this place was supposed to be a hidden "fortress of solitude" and not an elaborate trap created by a vampire to lure in greedy pirates for a quick snack, so having psychotic, starving monstrous beasts wait for Hrethnar's orders to attack when food is so close seems strange to me. There are possible explanations beyond the scope of this encounter though, so it's not such a biggy. Tangent nitpick.
This is awesome, by the way, and if I can get my group together to do so, I'll definitely playtest this. Reading the pitch, and looking at the encounter, I want to see the rest of the dungeon, which makes this submission leagues above the rest.
Superstar job, Tom!
Very good entry. Extended comment will have to wait for after the playtesting, but I'm definitely hoping to playtest this once or twice, depending on what I can gather players for.
Very good work!
...as they plundered and slaughtered their way to infamy.
YEAH!
Great, this is great. I didn't dig your organisation and I thought your monster as merely "good" but imho you gave it all with this encounter.
Even getting there in a fragile row boat amid rolling storm clouds is an adventures I can easily picture in my head. Then I want to know more about the spires. Then I want the lower levels and finally I want to have eightfinger statted and more of his background revealed.
In short, your locale and backstory leaves me hanging on your lips (or better fingertips).
That coupled with your impeccable use of the template (evocative map reminds me of "Under Ilefarn", my very first bought adventure) marks a giant step on the way to superstar!
This is the right amount of backstory for an encounter, or an adventure to have. it feels like there's hardly a word wasted, and nothing in it later made me think, "why did I need to know that?". So, props.
I have a few problems of my own with the encounter though. Firstly, The "50-foot up" in the map really makes it feel like there's a shaft that only leads 50-foot up, not the almost thousand feet it clearly does by the map. I had to read it a few times to clearly understand that.
My bigger concern is the read-aloud text. It feels like what a GM would come up with if they weren't given any. "There is a 20 foot by 20 foot space in the center of the room. Oh, and a throne over there with a mummy on it. Hmm, the room of the floor is covered in mud..." There's not a word of flavor in it that sticks out at me amid all the mechanical description, and I don't like that.
Neil, a 9th level cleric channels 5d6 points of positive energy, averaging 20 to 21 points of damage per round. A 6th level cleric channels 10 to 11 points of damage from her 3d6 channel.Correct. I was a bit rushed in my mechanical analysis this go-around. I thought 8 reviews were going to be easy to squeeze out (compared to 16 stat-block reviews last round), but I was wrong! :-)
Also, despite that oversight on my part, I do believe my underlying point still stands. A 6th level cleric will likely eliminate the low-level minions with a single channel. The same is very likely for the 9th level cleric at the higher tier. Once that happens, both parties are facing a CR 5 mummy. At the low tier, that's a CR-1 encounter...i.e., easy. At the high tier, that's a CR-4 encounter...i.e., not even much of a speed bump.
Generally, you should strive to use creatures right around the same CR as the APL to build a compelling encounter. That way, they're at least all individually a threat with some staying power for the life of the encounter. And, if you need to ratchet up the difficulty of the encounter, you can then add a CR-2 monster in there to achieve an overall CR+1 encounter (i.e., challenging) or put another creature with an equal CR to the first one to take it up to a CR+2 encounter (i.e., difficult). That'll make the encounter a lot more compelling for the PCs (and use up a lot more of their resources), which is what you want to do for this assignment...i.e., you need to do more than a run-of-the-mill, easy encounter for RPG Superstar.
But that's just my two cents (and I still heartily recommend Tom's submission),
--Neil
The Hall of the Flesh Eaters (ghouls and ghasts?) and Labyrinth of Hungry Ghosts (ghosts? shadows? wraiths? spectres?) sound like undead-heavy encounters as well, so by the time the cleric gets down to Hrethnar's Throne, she may be low on her channels. And undead with channel resistance are likely making their Will saves for half damage, so I think it might still be a challenge.
WOW, I love this encounter. The Map really grabbed me from the start and made me want to read the rest of the encounter. I really want to know more about the other unexplained areas. This is important b/c if I'm just flipping through a few APs at the gaming store trying to find something that I can use in my game, the initial grab with the cool map really helps. I can already picture the great art in the book, with towering pillars materializing out of the mists and large dark shapes on the horizon. Fantastic.
I found the name slightly awkward to say, but not too bad.
The location is interesting and the spot where the encounter takes place has some features that should help keep combat interesting.
I would have liked to see the Bog Mummy at least get the advanced template for the high tier version.
The use of Vampire Spawn does not bother me. Presumably at high tier there will be a vampire in a later encounter, while at low tier there may not be.
I would have preferred a few less minions, especially if that meant they could have meaningful stats. The time to fight a bunch of CR<1 creatures is not level 6.
Also the tactics for the bog mummy have him continuing to throw fireballs even if he'll provoke from half the party. Maybe he should melee before running out of fireballs. Also at tier 9 should he really be spending his time throwing those last 2 2d6 fireballs?
Despite my complaints this was my favorite encounter of the batch. It had a nice location, interesting terrain, a clear map and good inspiration for future encounters. Crafting a good encounter both flavorfully and mechanically is tricky business and the sign of a superstar. Your flavor is there, and your mechanics are close but need some polishing.
I will be voting for this entry.
These comments are from a first pass of your encounter, prior to playtesting or reading the judges' feedback or other voters' posts.
Eightfinger's Tomb
The location - what did you bring to Golarion?
The Gloomspires are inspired. With enough mystery and perilous exploration for a whole adventure, they are the Giant's Causeway on steroids and are a tremendous addition to Golarion. Scope for you to have a great location in one of the spires, with all the rest left for the GM or other developers to carve their own niche. Really, really well done.
The encounter - do I want to run this fight on your map?
First off I want to run the whole map, labyrinth of the ghosts, oblivion shaft, everything. The visual of descending on the ladder is a good start to the encounter. Good use of hazardous terrain, though in a published adventure you would need to include the rules rather than point to a blog! Having the mummy at the same CR for each tier, only distinguished by the necklace of fireballs, is a risk. At the higher CR9, having Hrethnar as a CR5 mummy (albeit with a bazooka), means he could go down very quickly - potentially in one or two rounds of optimised archery. I want to playtest.
The writing - how effectively have you crafted those words?
Good throughout, with strong and evocative word choices. Visuals are well mixed with plot points and background information as a cohesive whole. Nitpicks on the read aloud text - although I like that you've used sound, smell and visual description, you have also made a some assumptions about player actions. Particularly at the higher tier, players have options to explore without either opening the trap door, or physically descending. This means the GM would need to rewrite the text on the fly if their players use divination spells or items, or use dimension door or Abundant Step to descend.
Summary
Great location. Good encounter with some niggles. Good writing with some niggles. Overall this is very strong. Good stuff, Tom.
A few comments -
I loved the location idea. It's compelling and interesting, and begging for further investigation.
I like the map a lot, both the vertical view and the 2D floor plan. My initial impression was that the floor plan was similar to what I remember from the sample maps in the 1st edition DMG, and so maybe not as interesting in places as it could be, but it is so well done that I don't mind.
This is just so much the best entry in the round by such a long way it's not even close.
I agree with Will Cooper's points, so I won't repeat.
I very much like the use of the Design Blog terrain. Even if Sean/Vic had "charged" you the word count for this, I think it's still good to weave in other articles and material. Too much published adventure material is one-shot, especially from articles like the Design Blogs and AP appendixes that aren't actually linked to a published encounter.
I'm looking forward to your adventure proposal!
I want to reiterate a point that Will brings up - the gloomspires themselves are an amazing location. I could set a whole campaign there and still have mystery to spare. This is the level of creativity we want to see in our superstar contestants. :)
Very descriptive, easy for myself and my players to understand what is going on. Yet, the whole encounter seemed pretty bland to me. This is supposed to be a tomb, with a power-mad wizard pirate king's treasure somewhere deeper in the complex. Yet, there are no traps, and other than some rather weak undead, no defenses.
If you were to write a novel, it'd be a best seller, but the encounter seems rather weak and easy. I really loved your Feywhisperer Crown, but I wasn't the biggest fan of either your Sisters or your Slaughterhound, so this is a borderline entry for me. I also know I'm going to be the odd one out as everyone else that's voting seems to really love you, so you'll probably make it through and/or win this competition.
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While I like the cross sections and that the map itself is well-drawn, it's kind of bland; straight corridors connecting square rooms. From an aesthetic POV I couldn't care less for this map; there's nothing in the layout that would make me, as a player, want to explore it.
As for the encounter, I don't think it's that memorable; the descriptions are well-written and I can see the players caught by surprise ("Gotcha!") when the skeletons rise up from the mud to attack them. However, as Neil pointed out, it's probably too easy for parties with clerics. If it had to be an undead encounter, I'd have replaced the mummy with advanced wight and given it a couple of warrior or fighter levels.
Asgetrion, the contestants were limited to a certain group of monsters by the figure selections, so couldn't have used a wight (unless I'm missing one in the mini pack).
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Asgetrion, the contestants were limited to a certain group of monsters by the figure selections, so couldn't have used a wight (unless I'm missing one in the mini pack).
Okay, that explains a lot; although in that case I'd have just given the mummy a couple of character levels. Or is that also forbidden? Maybe two regular mummies, then, or one regular and one with the 'young' template?
As I said, I think it's written well and the whole place oozes atmosphere; it also includes a nice surprise (skeletons hiding under mud). However, I don't think this is superstar material, and for the large part it's due to the map being quite boring. YMMV, of course. :)
Okay, that explains a lot; although in that case I'd have just given the mummy a couple of character levels. Or is that also forbidden? Maybe two regular mummies, then, or one regular and one with the 'young' template?
Character levels isn't forbidden, but the problem is the length of the stat-block within a fixed word limit. Tom was right to steer clear of using them, it would have killed his ability to describe a compelling location. Using young and advanced templates would have been a good option, as is giving specific combat-useful treasure such as the necklace of fireballs.
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Okay, that explains a lot; although in that case I'd have just given the mummy a couple of character levels. Or is that also forbidden? Maybe two regular mummies, then, or one regular and one with the 'young' template?Character levels isn't forbidden, but the problem is the length of the stat-block within a fixed word limit. Tom was right to steer clear of using them, it would have killed his ability to describe a compelling location. Using young and advanced templates would have been a good option, as is giving specific combat-useful treasure such as the necklace of fireballs.
(This reply is also @Veiled Nail)
So there was nothing to prevent Tom from adding a couple of levels and/or a template to that mummy, and I think he should have done it. Tom could have trimmed his eloquent descriptions a bit; for example, I never use read-aloud boxed texts, because quite often they're either very sparse/short (and thus more or less meaningless), or just don't fit the situation ("You open the double-doors to reveal... er, no, you guys came in through the secret door in the west wall").
Tom could have trimmed his eloquent descriptions a bit; for example, I never use read-aloud boxed texts...
And neither do I but
- they are part of the game and a freelance has to work with them- they are quite good
- his backstory is superb
Imho this far outweights anything that charlevels could have added.
Imho this far outweights anything that charlevels could have added.
I totally disagree. While I enjoy the rest of this encounter in general, I absolutely hate the read-alout text presented here. Even if they're not used they provide a lot of flavor and setting to the GM. This really really doesn't. If he had traded those words to add in a few character levels or something, I think it would have been a major improvement.
I can't add much that hasn't already been said. Two thumbs up.
Tom, your work has been consistently quality throughout the whole contest this year -- you received my vote each and every round (even though the slaughterhound was far from my favorite beastie, it was very well designed and written), and this one will be no exception. Kudos and well done.
I am very impressed with this entry. The title is evocative and draws me in as a DM to see what is here. The map shows that this encounter could play into one larger adventure, which is very nice. And best of all, I absolutely love the lore that is here. The Gloomspires are an impressively awesome encounter location and really allows the DM to take off with plenty of his own ideas about them. And Eightfingers is inspiring as a villain, based on the information we get about him here.
The only issue I saw as I was reading this was regarding the difficulty level of the encounter. I'm not going to go over them again, since Neil and the other judges did a good job of that already. Some tweaks, though, and you have a very good, easy to run encounter that can be part of an intriguing adventure.
I still haven't finished all of the encounters, but I can say that this will most likely be on my list of encounters to vote for. Excellent work!
Star Voter Season 6
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Good map, 2nd best in the 8 submissions. Encounter was okay in design, and what is with all the undead in these submissions? Skeletons that trigger the rooms obstacles. A bog mummy who commands idiot undead. Feels a bit like Army of Darkness. No combat tactics at all except burst damage that will destroy all the support monters. Never been a fan of multiple layers and only 1 door away. Love that monsters stay in their shell awaiting the PC's to come kill them and the rest just sit in their places. Too static.
I agree with Ed, the encounter itself could (should) have ben more dynamic. However, this submission is extremely well executed. It has my vote, but I need to see something more outside the lines next round.
Have decided to do this as a PBP playtest, beginning here.
Ok, I GMed a playtest of this encounter on 3/3/12
Player Character Count: 4
Male Human Cleric 6 of Cayden Cailean (Strength/Travel domains) [fairly optimized]
Female Human Rogue 6 [fairly min/maxed]
Female Half-Orc Barbarian 6 [Extremely min/maxed]
Female Half-Orc Abyssal Sorceress [fairly optimized]
Tier: We played the Challenge Rating 6 version of the encounter. Did not test the CR 9 version
Ease of Play:
I didn't have any real difficulty running the encounter. The map was clean and easy to understand, thanks in part to the cross-section included. The instructions for the encounter were also clear.
Challenge of the Encounter:
Once the skeletons spawned, they proceeded straight towards the PCs, who were still at the center section. One Channel Energy later, and all the skeletons were toast. I should note that they could have made their saves, and they still would have died- Our cleric got a good roll on his d6's. This fit with most predictions, including mine.
The mummy himself was actually challenging, however. His necklace of fireballs let him do a good bit of damage to the party, about 40 points of damage in total or so. The mummy himself didn't last terribly long in melee, but that is because the PCs made good fort saves and were optimized really well, their damage output was pretty high. Given a less optimized group, I think Hrethnar would have been more than able to hold his own. Against a ranged heavy group he would have been especially dangerous.
The environmental challenges, ranging from the tentacle moss, to the mud, to the Razor Rubble, were fairly effective in my opinion. They did some minor damage to the PCs, and both slowed them down and discomforted them some. I would say that the terrain conditions bought Hrethnar an extra round of life against my party. Once again, against a group that was more ranged heavy, I think he might have been even more dangerous.
Fun of the Encounter: My players enjoyed the encounter, in part because the terrain and environment forced them to think more tactically than is often the case. Everyone got to do something, although I think the Sorceress was rather unhappy with Hrethnar being immune or resistant to a lot of her spells. Good thing for magic missile, I guess. I also enjoyed GMing the encounter, as it made things relatively easy on my end.
Comments:
Overall, this was a rock solid encounter. The map was clear, yet possessing of great detail. It hinted at much more to come, and also gave clues as to what the PCs would have had to face to get there. The terrain elements were, in my opinion, especially well done and their use elevated the encounter.
I was worried, along with many others, that the encounter would have been too easy, but it really wasn't. Giving Hrethnar a Necklace of Fireballs makes him a threat at range or distance, and raises his effective CR to about a 5.5 or so. Couple that with the tentacle moss and razor rubble, and a careless party can be hurt bad, which is good. After all, this is not the BBEG of the dungeon, as the map so cleverly indicated. Rather, it was an appropriate encounter for a Party of Level 6 characters, in so far as it could reasonably see them use up 1/4 of their resources to clear the level.
The skeletons were pretty ineffectual at the CR 6 Tier, and I imagine the Skeletal Champions wouldn't be much better against a party of level 9 PCs. I know that the requirement to use monsters with minis represented in Pathfinder Battles: Heroes and Monsters was a challenge, as it did force the designer along a certain path. Still, I would have replaced the 6 skeletons with 4 zombies instead. The zombies would have lasted longer thanks to their higher hit points, forcing the party to either spend time mowing them down or using up valuable Channel Energy uses to destroy them. Skeletal archers, if that had been allowed, would have also been a good choice. My personal suggestion would have been to have 3 skeletal archers back where the normal skeletons would have spawned, and then had two zombies near Hrethnar, both to help protect him from flanking and to provide flanking in turn.
That is all my thoughts for the moment, I may post more later depending on time.
Hi Tom! Congrats on making it to this round. I foresee you making it to round five.
I will only have time to playtest one scenario from this round, and I did not select Eightfinger's Tomb.
Nonetheless, your map and encounter inspire me to design multi-level, old-school dungeons with smaller levels and thickening layers of evil. So, thus inspired, I want to throw out some well-pleased comments.
You did a great job weaving together story, monsters, and imagination. You put specific ideas together, like the necklace of fireballs plus bog mummy, and you pulled in ideas from unusual sources. You actually teach other GMs how to get better material for their own games by calling out the Design Tuesday Blog. Using the bog mummy is plain cool.
You pull it together very nicely. You're ready for pro design. When you start publishing, you will become one of my favorite designers.
I'm eagerly awaiting your adventure proposal. Most importantly, I know I would enjoy gaming with you.
-Titania