I'd really appreciate feedback on this entry. So, you know, I can do better next year. :)
Bath of Dawn Infusion
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 12th
Slot -; Price 40,000 gp; Weight -
Description
This bath fills the bather with the waking power of the day’s first
light, infusing them with grace and power. Rulers ancient and modern
have used them to enhance their powers and to make fleeting
protections endure.
Each bath is constructed of interlocking jeweled tiles lining a deep
pool set into the ground or floor in a location touched by dawn's
first light. The tiles are etched with potent sigils, then glazed with
an enchantment that amplifies and focuses the potency of potions.
Once a day, when the first light of day shines into the water, a
single bather may pour one potion with a duration greater than
instantaneous into the bath water. The bather will gain the effects of
the potion as normal, except that the duration will extend until the
next dawn, no more than 24 hours. The bath must last a minimum of 15
minutes or the effects and the potion are wasted. Magic oils that
target equipment will not benefit the bather, though they may improve
the bather's complexion.
The bath may be filled with milk instead of water. This will grant the
bather a +2 alchemical bonus to charisma for the duration of the
infusion. This large quantity of milk can be difficult to obtain, and
costs 1000 gp per bath.
The bath will accommodate a single medium creature. Multiple bathers
will cause the magic to fail harmlessly. While larger baths can be
constructed, the cost doubles for each size increase beyond medium, as
does the cost to fill it with milk.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, Brew Potion, Extend Spell,
eagle's splendor; Cost 20,000 gp
edit: It just sank in how much effort you guys are putting in to give us feedback. I'm truly grateful.
I'm probably going to kick myself for doing this, but ...
Satchel of the Green Forest
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot -; Price 39,600 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This battered leather satchel hangs loosely from a strap of coarsely woven grass. When opened, the scent of fresh loam fills the air as three tiny wooden canisters are revealed.
Prized by followers of the Green Faith, this humble pouch grants great power over the growth of vegetation. Each day at daybreak, any missing canisters are replenished and all are filled with fresh, fragrant loam. Scattering a portion on the ground affects an area as plant growth, with the overgrowth or enrichment centered where the loam was spread.
Additional applications in the same area cause plants to sprout, regardless of location. The possessor may choose a wall of thorns effect, using the satchel's caster level of 9th, or she may create a 40-foot radius grove of stout 10-foot tall saplings. In areas barren of vegetation, the grove is light undergrowth, else existing undergrowth grows one step denser. Once created, the saplings thrive normally if circumstances permit.
A mighty oak tree springs forth if all three portions of loam are dispersed simultaneously. Over 3 rounds it grows to 60 feet tall, with a 5-foot trunk, a leafy 40-foot diameter crown and a proliferation of branches suitable for climbing. The explosion of growth causes 8d6 points of damage per round to structures in and above the location of the trunk, and half damage to the surface adjacent to the tree and to structures displaced by the crown. After the initial burst of growth, the tree grows normally if conditions are receptive. Drawing on such powerful magic renders the satchel dormant for 1d4 days.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, grove of respite, plant growth, wall of thorns; Cost 19,800 gp
Constantly Morphing Bracers
*Wow. There are so many poor design choices in this thing. First, the name sucks. I really didn't even want to read it based on that alone.
*Secondly, how does a doppleganger's hide (which has morphic qualities, obviously) translate to big bonuses on combat maneuvers? It's just not a very good theme to build this mechanical bonus around (in my opinion).
*Additionally, the writing is quite sub-par. They've mislabeled game terminology (i.e., Strength, Dexterity, etc.).
*I'm also annoyed by the "changes appearance every hour" except when you try to focus and make the bracers look exactly how you want them for the next 12 hours. C'mon. This is a power worth exploring and discussing about your Superstar item? No. It isn't.
*Then, we get a variable mechanic that slides up and down based on the CMD modifiers of whatever creature you're facing. That makes this item impossible to accurately price. Just really bad all around from idea to design to naming to mechanics to presentation to pricing.
*Vote to Reject.
*"Constantly Morphing" = I couldn't decide on a theme for my SAK item, so my theme is "it does a bunch of stuff."
*Reject.
*Count yourself lucky. When I read it, I had this haunting voice in the back of mind muttering something about Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Gunslinger's Hat of High Noon
*Joke item. Same with the name and its Hollywood spaghetti western visuals.
*On top of that, it's really not all that innovative mechanically either.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
Fan of Exquisite Subtlety
*So, it's an extradimensional storage space like a bag of holding. Check. It's a disguise item like a hat of disguise. Check. And it's an origami bird that can fly to someone you designate (and presumably deliver the contents of its extradimensional space). So, it's kind of a mobile bag of holding with a silver raven delivery system.
*How long does it take to reach its destination? How often can you pass items back and forth between two people? Why not just teleport there?
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*This is too "subtle" for me. Reject.
*Rejected.
Desna’s Brooch
*So, you get a +2 luck bonus on any Perform skill you have? That's kind of nebulous and difficult to price out. The more Perform skills you have, the greater the value of the item. It becomes a must-have for bards.
*The rest of it is a couple of SIAC effects with some butterfly, dream/sleep flavor to coincide with Desna. Not exceptionally innovative.
*They get high points for following the template correctly, though.
*Weak Reject.
*What Neil said, a.k.a. WNS.
*Reject.
*Ooh. I get my own acronym.
*Rejected.
Traveler's Cap
*They left out the item name in the body of their submission. And there's few other missteps in presentation.
*I don't care for the core idea of the item. The hat of disguise and some decent ranks in a handful of skills can pull off what this item is attempting to do anyway. It's just a variation of an existing item. Not Superstar.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. A hat of diguise + some skill bonuses is not Superstar.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
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The Wanderer’s Market*Not a whole lot of discussion to this one.
*Plot device. And a portable merchant. I recall an item like this in the Neverwinter Nights CRPG.
*Vote to Reject.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
It's a shame there wasn't much discussion.
Was the item at least mechanically sound?
The portable merchant was kinda of the idea, as the Instant Fortress is a portable castle. I was hoping there would be interest in a way for PCs to sell off gear without lugging it around, plus the Janni could have been a DM plot device.
As a side note, I only played the intro to NWN and nothing more. I didn't even know about that. But how could I? :)
Mask of the Deceiver
*Wouldn't it require a Will save rather than a Perception check to determine the difference between the caster and the illusion? I mean, it does have to be "an exact replica of himself..." and that's how illusions actually work mechanically in the game.
*This really is just a major image SIAC with some lesser confusion tacked on the end when you interact with the illusion and realize it isn't the real thing.
*I think the wording in the descriptive text is kind of awkward. They slipped up on correctly using game terminology (i.e., perception vs. Perception) and they had a couple of missteps in presentation by italicizing the Craft Wondrous Item feat and screwing up the "gp" part of the price/cost.
*I'll also note that they had 300 words to make this item awesome and felt like this was enough after only using 122 of them. Bad call on the designer's part. There's just not enough mojo to make this exciting.
*Vote to Reject.
*+1 Reject.
*Rejected.
Well, looks like I got here a little late.
Not so late. We can move pretty quickly through these things with some judicial copy/paste and fast edits.
Helm of the Owlbear
*I had hoped this was going to be something interesting, but it just kinda crashed and burned on the trash heap of "items that make you better at what you're already good at."
*If you're raging, you already have a huge Str bonus. You probably also have a Str belt. Getting another +2 Str is just cheese, and getting it from a head slot item (which is where mental stats go, PF put the physical stat items on belts) is just a way to cheese out another bonus.
*It doesn't need to do the "if you already have claws, they're even better" thing. For example, the cloak of the manta ray doesn't say "if you have a tail spine, it's even better."
*I like the theme, I don't like the execution of it.
*Reject.
*It's a tight theme. You boil it down and it's a series of bonuses...everything from Will saves to Perception checks to rounds of rage per day. Kind of SAK in some respects, but maybe not overboard.
*I honestly wished they'd stopped after that first paragraph. The whole "morph you into a pseudo-owlbear" thing is where the train starts to come off the tracks. I can see where their imagination took them, I just don't think they knew when to stop. Maybe they thought they were going all out in an attempt to stand out.
*I appreciate the idea behind the item. I don't think the execution is as seamless as it could be. The Str bonus in a headslot is definitely a no-no given that this item is already magnifying rage powers. But, the professional polish is definitely there. And a lot of folks like owlbears. This designer might at least deserve a trip to the Keep folder for comparison to the other items we've held onto, so I'm going to say...
*...Weak Keep. Whether or not it makes the Top 32 is another matter entirely.
*Barely clever - it's like the least common denominator of what people would come up with if you gave them the item name.
*The mechanics work, but all they really do is make the barbarian even better than he/she already was, so I think that's unbalancing.
*Vote to Reject.
*Rejected.
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8
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Traveler's Cap*They left out the item name in the body of their submission. And there's few other missteps in presentation.
*I don't care for the core idea of the item. The hat of disguise and some decent ranks in a handful of skills can pull off what this item is attempting to do anyway. It's just a variation of an existing item. Not Superstar.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. A hat of diguise + some skill bonuses is not Superstar.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
I don't really think that's what I was going for, but the fact that you all interpreted it that way means something needs fixing. I guess I sort of put the central thrust of this one in the wrong direction. Having said that, I still stand behind the concept of this item. Thanks for the feedback.
Proliferating Pocket PurseAnthony, looking back I see I forgot to actually put your item name at the top of my critique earlier. So I wanted to make sure you didn't miss it before it gets buried in the critique thread :)
No worries, I had spotted it.
Basically I fell where I suspected I had - I got side tracked, tied up and blinkered in the technical delivery, and lost sight of the wonder mojo.
So I've now started a 2013 almost monthly practice thread to try and revive my mojo yet retain technical delivery.
Feel free to take part, nail more blergh, comment and hammer away, etc.
Second page! I hope my item gets a critique!
And so it shall!
Now that I'm in the line, waiting for the critique, I can relax and properly thank the judges for taking the time to help us become better designers. As everyone else, I'm a bit disappointed with not making the Top 32, but I'm looking at the bright side of the contest and I can trully say that it was a great experience for me! I learned a lot about RPG design and I'm very happy with all the work I've done for this year's contest.
That's the goal, Matías. Welcome to RPG Superstar. Let's see what we've got...
Quill of the Unfading Lore
*Uh-oh. We weren't kind. So, please keep in mind we were critiquing the item. Not you as a person.
*Kind of a boring item.
*Storing memories in such a way that the GM has to track the skill ranks and class skill bonuses of the original creator is just annoying.
*I get what the designer is trying to do, but this isn't even an especially imaginative idea. This comes up all the time as people want memory storing items that enhance Knowledge skill checks. Just invest your own ranks in your own Knowledge skills and stop trying to store it in stuff for others to then use without having to invest any time or skill ranks in learning it for themselves. These types of items are not in the best interests of the game.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Double agreement. Reject.
*Rejected.
Vendor - Fantasiapelit Tampere
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Please don't be gentle.
Witchbinder's Shackles
Aura strong abjuration; CL 14th
Slot Wrists; Price 85,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
Made infamous by the most notorious of Hellknight witch hunters, these iron shackles are covered in spikes and radiate a faint cold. Any creature bound with them is affected by the spell antimagic field. This effect last as long as creature is binded into the shackles. Locks cannot be opened by any magical mean such as chime of opening or knock. In addition, the owner of the Witchbinder's Shackles is always aware of the direction of the last person who was locked into them (Unless the creature in no longer in the same plane). This cannot be fooled by any magical means. They fit any Small to Large creature. The DC to break or slip out of the shackles is 30.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Antimagic Field, Arcane Mark, Cost 42500 gp
Yeah. Let's think something better for the next year..
First time submitting, thanks for any feedback.
Gloves of Steadfast Aim
Aura faint transmutation; CL 7th
Slot hands; Price 15,000 gp; Weight 6 lbs.
Description
This set of finely crafted archer's gloves is stitched with sylph hair and glows a faint, pure light when worn. Wind coursing between the gloves' reinforced fingers always carries a slight melody away. When a delay or ready action is taken, the wearer gains a +1 competence bonus on his next ranged attack for every creature that goes before him in the round in the intervening time between the start of the action and the attack (maximum +5). Additionally, if the wearer is damaged at any time before he makes his attack, the competence bonus applies to damage as well as attack. The wearer's next action must be an attack or else the bonus is forfeited. Only attacks with a ranged weapon or throwing weapon may gain this bonus. Bonuses do not persist into subsequent rounds.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, True Strike, Retribution or Retribution Hex class feature; Cost 7,500 gp
I am not an overly sensitive individual so any feedback would be appreciated:) Thank you for the opportunity. Initially I had planned this to be a Sarenrae specific item, but I eliminated most of that because of the background material.
Honestly it was nice to design something with the pressure of format and publicity. Normally I design for home, it was a great pleasure to treat this as a job, even if the better ones won!
Veil of the Final Redemption
Aura strong varied; CL 15th
Slot head; Price 80,500 gp; Weight 1lb.
Description
This veil which covers the lower half of the face is made from beautiful Qadiran fabric. Embroidered on the veil are designs of ankhs and suns interwoven with threads dyed in colors common to the desert landscape. If the wearer channels positive energy, the veil can substitute as their holy symbol and will grant a sacred bonus of +1 per die of healing or damage whenever channel energy is used. The embroidered suns on the veil empower the wearer to cast a sunburst spell (Reflex DC 25 half) on command once per day as a standard action. In addition the veil provides a +4 enhancement bonus to Charisma for anyone wearing it, provided they do not channel negative energy.
If the veil should be worn by a character that channels negative energy, regardless of their alignment or faith, the veil will not function and causes 4 points of Charisma drain. The character will also be blinded and suffers 6d6 points of damage (Reflex DC 25 half).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, consecrate, eagle’s splendor, sunburst, nimbus of light sun domain power; Cost 40,250 gp
Corpse Bread
*I can appreciate the core idea of this item--i.e., something which fascinates undead as it somehow reminds them of their former life. But the prose is overwritten. And I actually don't like the bread theme. Why does fresh baked bread always invoke memories of an undead creature's former life? Maybe it should be something else? Like music? Or something visual or figmentary like a reverse phantasmal killer? And so on. There's a lot of potential with the seed of this idea. I think this designer just failed to find it.
*Mechanically, I think the item also meanders a bit in its explanation. I get the elements of the fasinate bard ability and even the enthrall-like qualities they were going for...but it just didn't flow very well. So, from a writing standpoint, the designer still needs to work on that.
*Lastly, there were a handful of missteps in the use of the provided template. They capitalized stuff they shouldn't have. They italicized some words they shouldn't have. They left out some commas. And so on. Thus, the attention to detail is also lacking. They're just not ready yet. But they're on the right track in some other ways. They just need more time and perspective.
*Also, this item seems familiar to me. Or at least the name does. I know we had a Pixie Bread item last year. But has Corpse Bread been done before? Regardless...
*Vote to Reject.
*"To the intelligent undead, the smell of freshly baked bread invokes the memories of the life they once had. They relive the joys and sorrows and terrible beauty of life in excruciating detail. Some have been known to cry tears of blood in memory of what they have lost." THAT IS NOT PART OF A WONDROUS ITEM.
*On top of that, its just a "home campaign item": "Feel free to include circumstance bonuses or penalties for such things as the presence of former companions or hated enemies, a beloved spouse preparing the bread etc." No real mechanics, just make it up as you go along, GM!
*[redacted]
*Reject...
*"Some have been known to cry tears of blood in memory of what they have lost." That's a neat trick, making skeletal champions, ghosts, and banshees weep tears of blood...
*Reject.
*Rejected.
First of all THANK YOU Paizo and all of the judges for the opportunity to participate in this contest. It is fantastic and I hope it contiunes!
Second, this is my first time entering, and I already see I need some serious lessons in BB code.
Anyway, here was my item:
Twine of Projectiles
Aura faint transmutation and faint, moderate or strong evocation; CL varies
Slot —; Price 700 (Masterwork), 5,300 gp (+1), 19,500 gp (+2), 43,000 gp (+3), 76,000 gp (+4), 118,000 gp (+5); Weight — lbs.
Description
This 25-foot roll of ordinary-looking twine creates ammunition or thrown weapons. By cutting a segment of twine, stretching it taught, and speaking the word projectus, rigid magical projectiles are formed (treat as darkwood). Activating the twine is a swift action if it has been pre-cut to length, or a full round action if it must be cut. Once cut, the twine cannot be mended in any way to make longer segments (though it can be cut shorter).
The twine creates only certain projectiles, which are determined by the length of twine segment that is cut (see below). Each projectile lasts 1 hour, then reverts back to twine (which can be reused indefinitely).
The twine color indicates the projectile enhancement bonus:
- Brown: Masterwork
- Black: +1 Enhancement
- Blue: +2 Enhancement
- Orange: +3 Enhancement
- Red: +4 Enhancement
- Purple: +5 Enhancement
The length of twine cut determines the projectile type (but has no bearing on the actual projectile length), as follows:
- Ammunition (creates 10 for each twine segment cut to the following lengths)
- 1.5-ft. (bolt)
- 2-ft. (arrow)
- 9-ft. (dart)
- 10-ft. (javelin)
- 11-ft. (club)
- 12-ft. (shortspear)
- 14-ft. (spear)
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate rope, creator’s caster level must be at least three times the enhancement bonus of the projectile created; Cost 350 (Masterwork), 2,650 gp (+1), 9,750 gp (+2), 21,500 gp (+3), 38,000 gp (+4), 59,000 gp (+5)
I don't really think that's what I was going for, but the fact that you all interpreted it that way means something needs fixing. I guess I sort of put the central thrust of this one in the wrong direction. Having said that, I still stand behind the concept of this item. Thanks for the feedback.Traveler's Cap*I don't care for the core idea of the item. The hat of disguise and some decent ranks in a handful of skills can pull off what this item is attempting to do anyway. It's just a variation of an existing item. Not Superstar.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. A hat of diguise + some skill bonuses is not Superstar.
Joseph, I like your item concept, and I really feel what you're saying here :) Boiled down to its mechanics, it's a somewhat uninteresting item, but I agree with you that the concept and theme are neat, and that the mechanics implement it well. In other words, I like it :)
I think for Superstar, though, you've pretty much gotta go for either unusual mechanics, or brilliant flavor (or better yet, both). I think that's basically where you fell down here - a "good enough for a book of magic items" type thing. I feel like maybe, with the contest as a goal, this item might be able to be punched up a bit, in one or both of those directions. I'll mull this over and see if I've got any concrete suggestions. And in the meantime, kudos on a cool idea :) Social interaction items are notoriously rough to shove into mechanics...
Marathon Voter Season 7
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Stubborn Nail
Ha! I liked this one. In fact, I put it in the keep pile. So you initially made it into the keep pile. That means you've got good design.
-snip-
5. Using the format right matters. Your excellent use of the template got you into the keep pile. Your technical execution of the item was very good, and that is worth something. While your idea was good and fun, it was not awesome (which is what cost you the ticket from my view). What got you initially sorted into the keep folder was that you did such a great job with the template, that tells me you have the mojo to be a freelancer and follow those kinds of instructions.
Thank's Clark (and Neil) for the info and the feedback. I greatly appreciate it. Short of making it into an RPG hardback or a Paizo book before the next contest, I'll do my utmost to enter again next year.
I can see that the name is a bit mundane, but I confess I got the idea from the phrase, "stubborn nail," while pulling out nails, and once I came up with mechanics for it, I couldn't really think of a more apropos name, since it describes exactly what it is. I can also see its likely overpriced, but I still think it would be a very fun item to watch players coming up with uses for in game.
And I am strangely heartened to hear I have the mojo to be a freelancer. :D
I'll keep at it.
Key to the Soul’s Prison
*Already not liking the name. Bad name is a bad start. "Key to the Soul's Prison", what in the world does that actually mean?
*OK, hair metal side trek. I like the band Dokken because their guitarist, George Lynch, is amazing. But they never made it big in part because of their vacuous lyrics (and maybe some 80s hair metal cheesiness, but I love it anyway). Now, the 80's in general and hair metal in particular was never known for poignant socially conscious lyrics. But in an interview George Lynch years later made fun of their lyrics. They had a song called "Unchain the Night." George in that interview mocked that name and asked what does that even mean? I feel the same way about the name of this item. End of hair metal side trek.
*Long story short: bad item name but maybe would have been a good Dokken song.
*OK this is lame. So, all you have to do is have a healer next to you to stabilize you and keep you from dying and you can ghost out? Holy cow, no way.
*Even a blazing George Lynch guitar solo can't save this song, though Don Dokken likely would have loved the read aloud inscription. For your reading pleasure, however, here are the lyrics to the Dokken classic "Unchain the Night" (which probably should have been called "Never Unchain the Night":
I've been lost in the middle
Always trying to find the wishing well
Running around in circles
Never crossing the line
Don't want to touch you
Don't want to see
You've got a knife in your heart
Don't say that you did it for me
Never unchain the night
Don't tell me that the love is gone
Never unchain the night
Cause there's always another turn
You know right where you want it
But you never gave it in return
Running me in circles
Always crossing the line
Don't want to touch you
Leave you confused
You took the easy way out
When you looked through the eyes of a fool
Never unchain the night
Don't tell me that the love is strong
Never unchain the night
Cause there's always another turn
Never, never
Never, never
Never unchain the night
Don't tell me that the love is gone
Never unchain the night
I'm never gonna set you free
Never unchain the night
Don't tell me that the love is gone
Never unchain the night
Cause there's always another turn
Never unchain the night
*Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*::lights a Zippo::
*Rejected.
Thanks in advance for looking at my item:
Calistria's Gem
Aura moderate evocation CL 8th
Slot -; Price 25,660 gp; Weight -
Description
Calistria's Gem is a magical Tiger's eye, a chatoyant gemstone that is of golden color with black iron stripes and a silky luster.
The gem can be adhered to a whip. As long as it is attached, the semiprecious stone makes the whip unusually balanced and responsive. A wielder with the Weapon Finesse Feat can chose to apply her Dexterity modifier to damage rolls with the whip in place of her Strength modifier. When the whip is used to perform a trip or a disarm combat maneuver, the Tiger's eye grants a +2 enhancement bonus on the CMB check. When the opponent of that maneuver has tried a trip or disarm maneuver on the user in the last round, whether successful or not, the bonus for the revenge is increased to +4 for the next two rounds.
Once a day Calistria's Gem can also be thrown as a standard action. Where it touches the ground it causes a Copycat of the thrower to appear, while she is hidden with a Master's Illusion at the same moment. Both abilities otherwise function like the Granted Powers of the Trickery Domain cast by an 8th-level user.
Attaching to or losing Calistria's Gem from a whip is a free action for clerics, antipaladins and inquisitors of Calistria, a move action for all other followers of the Savored Sting and a standard action for everyone else.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Instrument of Agony (clerics and inquisitors) or Magic Weapon (antipaladins), creator must be an 8th-level antipaladin, cleric or inquisitor of Calistria; Cost 12,830 gp
Thank you!
Music Box of Mementos
*SAK. Wow, what a long list of conditions.
*Grants spellcasating ability from stored memories.
*Leaves stuff open to GM discretion (which is never a good idea).
*Really poor idea. Even worse on the execution.
*Vote to Reject.
*This is a very strange item. It could be a trap. It could be a clue in a puzzle. It could be a way to generate a low-level self-triggered contingency.
*I'm going "Reject" on this because it allows a character to gain class features (spellcasting or rage), but that's a weak reason.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*I read this title as "Music Box of Mentos."
*That would have been infinitely more "flavorful."
*Rejected.
Circlet of the Spectral Eye
*We've seen items like this before. I'm not a fan of them. It's usurping someone's senses after detecting them with some massive life detection ability to then figure out where they're hiding. Boring. Metagaming.
*Vote to Reject.
*18k gp for this once per day? Why?
*Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8
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I would like to know which teir my item was in, as well as what was good and/or bad about it.
Gauntlet of the Beast King
Aura moderate strength Abjuration school; CL 7th
Slot hands ; Price 4000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This otherwise plain metal gauntlet is covered in etchings of various animals, each one attacking the others. Up to three times a day as a standard action, a person wearing this gauntlet and change it into a natural attack chosen by the wearer at the time of activation. Each use lasts for five minutes, and the hand wearing the gauntlet cannot hold weapons or shields, though it may still be able to hold other items. The natural weapon does damage based on the wearer's size, so an elf using this gauntlet to gain a bite attack would deal 1d6 points of damage plus their Strength modifier, while a halfling's bite attack would only deal 1d4 points of damage. Additionally, the wearer gains a +4 on all Charisma based checks toward animals.
Construction
Requirements Craft Woundrous Item, Beast Shape I, Wild Empathy; Cost 2000 gp
** spoiler omitted **I'm mostly confused by this. I apply it to a weapon... I hit somebody... and then I get a Knowledge check bonus? That's... extremely counter-intuitive.
Do I need to make the check right then, while I'm hitting the guy? Am I, like, siphoning off the guy's knowledge? (If so, what if he's stupid?) I'm not grokking the central concept here.
I think something's broken with the mechanic as well - can I prick myself with a coated dagger for 1hp and a +10 bonus? How about a teammate? Or a half-dead goblin left over from last battle? A stray cat? It's generally pretty easy to find something to slice at, so this "restriction" isn't much of a restriction.
Lastly, the "area of the face" mechanism feels awkward to me. Do I really need each knowledge type matched to a face-part? Wouldn't it be easier to just write ...
Thanks for the comments Standback. I totally see the ambiguity now. My intention was that you receive a free knowledge check ABOUT the creature you struck with the coated weapon. But I see now in a re-read that I didn't make that clear. Thanks for the feedback.
Phantasmagoric Crystal
*Okay. Let's think this through...A crystal ball pretty much lets you see and hear events in a location that you can change and move around at will. It's also very limited in the types of effects that it'll let you remotely use through it. And a crystal ball with that kind of power would run you at least four or five times as much as this item. This crystal does pretty much the same thing as a crystal ball from a scrying standpoint. The only caveat is you have to visit the location first and leave behind this mote, which stays at that single location...but it exists until you choose to dismiss it. And, you can always visit another location to change your point of view. It just takes time and patience (and risking your own neck) to get into the areas you eventually want to scry.
*So, that means you can pretty much guard your private sanctum with this thing. Or use it as the ultimate "visit my enemy and bug his inner sanctum so I can scry on it and send illusions to plague him at will" item. That seems like a lot of mileage for 19,000 gp, despite some of the efforts the designer went to to try and nerf this thing back down. Scrying can be a pretty serious game-breaker of certain scenarios all on its own. But, if you can also remotely send illusions through it (even if you just limit it to figments with a range greater than touch), you're complicating and potentially overbalancing things. From a design perspective, I think this is a bad idea.
*For the time being, I'm going to withhold my vote. I'm leaning towards Reject, but I'd like to hear what everyone else thinks...
*Hmmm. Wait a minute. It only works through the mote. And you can only trigger a mote once per day and you have to be there. So you can't set a mote and then weeks later look through it. And, though it doesnt say, I think you can only have 1 mote and it only lasts for one day.
*That is the only logical way to read the item at that cost. Of course, it isn't well spelled out. It seems to let you make lots of motes. That really needed to be spelled out. That in and of itself is a design flaw that may remove the person from superstar.
*BUT I like the illusion and phantasm angle a lot. Lean to REJECT. Maybe Sean will see something here we are missing.
*I see nothing in that descriptive text that says the mote only lasts for 24 hours. In fact, they go on to describe how it can be dismissed, but not that it actually expires. As long as the crystal's owner and the mote remain on the same plane, it's there. It doesn't even say you can only have one mote going at a time. It only says you can create one mote per day. Without those caveats, this item is a potential game-breaker as the illusionist can leave behind motes in every location he wants to scry in the future (and be able to remotely cast illusionary figments into them as long as he maintains the connection and concentrates)...
*I think there's a reason a wondrous item like the crystal ball makes a concerted effort to restrict the other types of spell effects you can use through it. There are variations (i.e., telepathy, see invisibility, etc.), but they're all limited and much more costly. Thus, defining a scrying item (no matter how limited in scope) that can let illusions (even just figments) work through it feels ill-advised to me. I could see even more abuse of this item in the hands of players than a typical crystal ball or greater scrying spell. And for that concern to be injected into the game at a cost of just 19,000 gp, I think this item is way undercosted for what it allows someone to do. We're really entering project image territory here, although that spell goes further than this item in some ways and is more limited in others. Still, at this point...
*...Vote to Reject.
*Too specific without a good target audience. Not enough illusionist players in the world to make it worth having specialized items just for them, and this is simply a scry spell with the ability to give some illusions a reach.
*Vote to Reject.
*"Greatly coveted by illusionists..." Why do people add that kind of statement? Not even the robe of the archmagi says anything like that. That statement is about people, not about the *item*.
*I think he mean this to only have one mote at a time, but that's not clear from the text.
*I'm really hesitant to allow attack spells through a scrying device. Why illusions and not fireball, other than it fits the theme of this item? Shadow conjurations and shadow evocations are valid spells for this item. Heck, so is project image, and that lets you cast ANY spell through it. I think I just broke this item.
*Vote to Reject.
*Rejected.
This was my first time submitting and I just wrote up the first thing I though about. So I suspect that the judges found my item boring and unoriginal. But I might as well take whatever feedback I can get...
Ask and you shall receive...
Mask of the Gaudy Eavesdropper
*How innovative is this item, really? I've seen detachable sensors show up in lots of games (especially sci-fi games with cybertech and what-not). Introducing a fantasy-based version all in one mask feels a little underwhelming to me. But, this entry is well-written and well-presented. I can see why the author might pursue this idea, hoping it would help him stand out in the competition. I'm just not necessarily feeling the mojo on it.
*There are also a few aspects of the item's design that I don't like. One, if the mask's nose can magically let you smell things remotely, a stinking cloud or any other magical scent-based attack should be able to affect the mask's owner. In addition, I'm not really a fan of the destroyed sensory organs regrowing on the mask. That makes the item a really annoying thing that'll vex GMs all the time, because it's the ultimate "spy" item. The GM will also have to constantly describe what the PC using such a mask hears or sees remotely. There's a reason clairaudience/clairvoyance is in the game (as well as other divination spells like scrying, etc.), but it becomes really annoying if players trot those effects out with the level of frequency this mask could enable. I also think this item is trying to do too much. You get remote seeing, hearing, smelling, and...uh, tasting?...all in one item. If it were pared down to one or two of those things, maybe I'd feel differently. But I doubt it...
*So, on a gut level, I'm not a fan of this one. It does seem clear to me, however, that the author is putting his best foot forward in giving proper attention to format, descriptive text, and the mechanical considerations of the item. It might be interesting to see what he (or she) could do in later rounds. But, this is an item I could easily see bumped by 32 others.
*I'm going to say I'm on the fence for now. Let's hear what the rest of you think (right after I detach this mask's ears)... ;-)
*[redacted]
*You're insane, aren't you?
*Yeah, it's just a spell in a can. There's not a lot of flavor to it--in fact, the "flavor" means it's a SAK as well as a SIAC because you have six sense items you can leave about.
*If the PCs use this a lot, it becomes an escalation war between them and the GM. If the GM uses this a lot, it's a plot device.
*Do the organs detect as magical? I assume so.
*Meh, reject.
*Rejected.
Cloak of Sidhe
*Wow. Talk about a SAK item.
*There are so many design missteps and incorrectly referenced game terminology in this writeup that it's ridiculous. They didn't even spellcheck this thing.
*It's a fey-themed item even I can't champion.
*Vote to Reject.
*That would be the rejection of the Fellnight Queen, then?
*I'm with you, fey master! Reject.
*Is this a good duplicate of several powerful cloaks in the core rules? Yes, yes it is. Would this make a book of items? Maybe, with some serious edits. Is it Superstar? Nope.
*Plus you know you are in trouble with SAK issues when your requirements section reads like this: "commune with nature, dancing lights, detect magic, endure elements, faerie fire, know direction, pass without trace, speak with animals". 'Nuff said.
*Rejected.
Holy Man's Flask*Hmmm. This is an item you'd keep around to transmute any "useless" potions you discovered as treasure into more useful cure potions. Or, if you were in a bind and badly needed healing, but didn't have any cure potions on hand, you could sacrifice a different potion to obtain one.
*At least they curbed its power by making sure it changes the potion to one of an equivalent level. I could see this being used now and then. Is it worth 6,000 gp? Yeah, maybe. There are certain circumstances where you'd be willing make sure you had this on hand for emergencies.
*In addition, the design itself is rock solid on presentation and
professional polish. This could be a designer worth keeping around.*Vote to Keep.
*Reject.
*This is good for a book of items but not Superstar. Every year we have a boring "make it into a healing potion" item. And every year I say the same thing--this is not that inspired.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Thanks for the full review. It pretty much totally hits exactly what I was expecting. I liked the item when I made it but as the reveal date came closer I thought more and more "I played it too safe." My last year's entry Diadem of the Waking Dream was a solid idea/build for the first 2/3 of the item and then I went nuts trying to make it Superstar and it was that last bit that for sure got it rejected, rightfully so for its uber-craziness. This time I was too concerned about going overboard again and instead underwhelmed. I had other properties I thought about being a part of the item and removed them for being too crazy.
Oh well lesson learned and I very much appreciate the feedback. Maybe last year's porridge was too hot, this year's was too cold, so hopefully next year's will be just right. Assuming the Mayans weren't right. :-P
Thanks again judges and good luck with this year's contest.
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I'd appreciate some feedback although I'm pretty aware of the shortcomings of my item. To be honest, the prospect of calculating the value of a complicated item intimidated me and I think I might of invented something a little lacking in wonder as a result. But hey, it's my first time - live and learn.
Burglar’s Boon
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot hands; Price 9300 gp; Weight -
Description
Pairs of these unassuming black leather gloves are responsible for some of the most notorious crime sprees in Golarion’s history.
When donned as a pair, Burglar’s Boon bestows a +5 competence bonus on both Stealth and Disable Device checks. By rubbing the palms of the gloves together, the wearer may gain the benefits of an ant haul spell once per day for 6 hours. The garments radiate a subtle warmth when this ability is used to pick up something especially large and valuable.
If a lawful character attempts to make use of a pair of Burglar’s Boon, the empty fingers contort and bind together, preventing the gloves from being slipped on. Otherwise the leather of the gloves automatically stretch or retract to fit a character’s hands.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, ant haul, cat’s grace; Cost 4650 gp
Thank you Neil for your review of my Cloak of Sidhe. But I do have some questions what cloak(s) does it share abilities with in the core book or any other Pathfinder product?
How bad was the pricing done?
incorrectly reference game terminology?
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8
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I don't really think that's what I was going for, but the fact that you all interpreted it that way means something needs fixing. I guess I sort of put the central thrust of this one in the wrong direction. Having said that, I still stand behind the concept of this item. Thanks for the feedback.Joseph, I like your item concept, and I really feel what you're saying here :) Boiled down to its mechanics, it's a somewhat uninteresting item, but I agree with you that the concept and theme are neat, and that the mechanics implement it well. In other words, I like it :)
I think for Superstar, though, you've pretty much gotta go for either unusual mechanics, or brilliant flavor (or better yet, both). I think that's basically where you fell down here - a "good enough for a book of magic items" type thing. I feel like maybe, with the contest as a goal, this item might be able to be punched up a bit, in one or both of those directions. I'll mull this over and see if I've got any concrete suggestions. And in the meantime, kudos on a cool idea :) Social interaction items are notoriously rough to shove into mechanics...
Thanks for the kind words, Standback. You've hit upon what I was trying to do rather elegantly, so thank you for that. My circles tend to involve a lot of social interaction, and I wanted to make something that was both useful out of combat and something that could be prized by people other than itinerant, grave-robbing, monster-slayers, and I confess it wasn't easy. My first (laughable) idea was simply a ring that was enchanted with a cantrip; incredibly useful, novel in that it was a low-level ring, and utterly boring and flavorless.
I was really hoping the concept would have a bit more punch than it did, but I can understand why it didn't; I run a pretty subdued game, with very low power creep. Not to say that those who got into the Top 32 are all bombastic toys - far from it - simply that I was already shooting a little low and off the mark from the beginning.
Thanks again for what you wrote, it really is appreciated.
Now, back to trying to make headway in the industry the slow and difficult way, until next year rolls around.
First off, I know that it's a plot device item. I'm not sure why I thought that would be ok as after five years I'm pretty well versed in what you guys are looking for. I'm not sure this is the final version I submitted. I think the version I submitted was only usable once per day. But what else? Thanks,
Artumian Branding Iron
Aura strong enchantment, moderate transmutation; CL 6th
Slot —; Price 3,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
When found, this simple, wrought-iron tool usually bears the mark of an Artume cattle baron, though some display the personal symbol of a villainous opportunist. When grasped by the handle, the iron at the end transfigures itself to resemble the mark of the wielder (a coat of arms, wizard's mark, initials, etc.). The iron may be used traditionally, but when activated by command word the head immediately heats to a searing temperature and remains hot for 6 minutes. If used to brand an animal during this time, the animal takes 1d4 fire damage and must succeed at a DC 14 Will save or be affected as by the dominate animal spell, except that it lasts for 6 days. Ordinarily an animal will be pinned and then branded by a non-grappled user, but the iron can be wielded as an improvised weapon that deals 1d4 damage plus 1d4 fire damage if it is heated. A melee hit with the activated brand triggers the dominate animal effect.
If used on a humanoid creature, the iron acts as a dominate person spell (same save DC and duration), but only if the brand is burned to the victim’s forehead. Against an unhindered opponent the dominate effect only triggers on a confirmed critical attack or a challenging called shot to the head (see the called shot rules in Ultimate Combat).
In any case, magical healing of 8 points or more will end the dominate effect and remove the mark from the skin.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Extend Spell, dominate animal, heat metal; Cost 1,500 gp
Mirror of Monstrous Echoes
*I like this one! It's a nifty wondrous item to help you venture into the lair of a known medusa and negate her gaze attack. Storing up that gaze attack to then be able to release it on some unsuspecting hooligans is a nice ancillary benefit. Keeping the DC exactly the same as the original creature is spot on, since that lets this item slide with an adventurer as they go up in level and face creatures of increasing CR. The item's effect is limited (i.e., you only gain the gaze attack for 3 rounds when you release).
*It may be a bit of a monster ability-in-a-can, but it's got more going on than just that. I also like that they've reached into some of the newer spells and feats to design this item. That's smart thinking backed with some cool mojo. And the attention to detail on using the provided wondrous item template is flawlessly done. The only thing I'm not as keen on is the name. I don't like having "echoes" in the title, as that's got more to do with sound/hearing than gaze attacks. Call this thing a mirror of the monstrous gaze instead.
*Vote to Keep!
*Awesome! Vote to Keep.
*Kept.
*This item is really, really weird. It's useless until you capture a gaze-attack monster's image in it. So you'd better hope your GM sends a lot of those monsters after you... even though that means your allies are at risk of getting gaze-blasted. You, too, because the mirror doesn't protect you from the monster's gaze attack (though having a mirror means you can do the avert-your-eyes thing for a 50% avoidance roll). So it's almost like a plot device item.
*Once you capture the monster's gaze attack, it uses that monster's exact DC, which means if you have something like a vampire sorcerer under the effects of eagle's splendor, the DC is gonna be huge.
*I really feel this needs some sort of directional aspect to it, like a hemisphere or a cone; a mirror is a flat plane with a tiny viewing space, and its gaze shouldn't affect things in a 360˚ radius. Unless "releasing" the image means you're creating an illusion of the creature and the gaze comes from that, but it doesn't say that and doesn't really imply that.
*I also don't like that the bearer can select "any number" of allies to be unaffected; that defeats the purpose of dealing with a gaze attack. A directional effect would mean you don't need that aspect, anyway.
*Neat idea, but needs significant work. Weak reject.
*I dont find this to be that novel or clever. The idea of mirroring gaze attacks is hardly new. I echo Sean's concerns. Plus, I just think the costing is way off, which highlights the problems of the device and the lack of think through.
*Yes, this would be great for your typical medusa encounter (which also makes it terribly cliche), but the item doesnt limit itself to that. It is any gaze attack. That means this thing could also capture a bodak's death gaze for 14,000 gp.
*Neat idea, but some cliched elements and needs better think through for its applicability to all gaze attack monsters.
*Weak reject. I appreciate that someone might want to ticket this.
*Rejected.
Astrolabe of the Mesmerizing Heavens*Ouch, Cheapy. I'm going to have to sanitize the judges' comments on this one a bit.
*snip*
As an self-proclaimed expert purveyor of all things that can be invoked with Rule 34, the name of the wondrous item alone would ensue immense hilarity at my gaming tables. Simply change just one vowel for the Beavis and Butthead humor to sink in.
Magician's Door Handle
*Another door handle to create doors where none existed. This one just creates doors for you. Utilitarian perhaps, but not compelling enough for Superstar.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Double agreement. Reject.
*Rejected.
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Thanks to the judges for their willingness to critique all these submissions. I know what a good editing service/professional development costs, so the fact that you do this for FREE is amazing! Thanks!
Wig of the Wastrel
Aura faint illusion and transmutation; CL 5th
Slot head; Price 2500 gp; Weight -
Description
This elaborate powdered wig allows its wearer to alter his appearance as with a disguise self spell. As part of the disguise, the wig can assume any different hairstyle from short cropped stubble, to a waist length braid, and so on. Additionally, once per day, the wearer can command the wig to produce one of the following effects: draw enough hairpins from the wig to serve as a set of masterwork thieves’ tools; draw enough braided hair from the wig to serve as 50’ of silk rope; or shake enough hairpins loose from the wig to cover an area 5 feet square with caltrops. All items removed from the wig last one hour before returning to the wig.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, disguise self, shrink item; Cost 1250 gp
Claw of the Four Dragons
*Crappy phrasing on the flavor text. If scales "appear" to grow from the wearer's skin and his hands "appear" to become dragon claws, what do they "actually" become instead?
*Does electicity oppose acid? How many ranks do you need in Craft (jewelry) to make this thing?
*Is this really Superstar? You boil away the flavor and all you get is:
a +4 natural armor bonus (bland)
2d6 extra energy damage every 4 rounds (annoying)
slashing damage rather than bludgeoning damage with unarmed strikes (cool)
resistance to a single energy type (meh)
vulnerability to an opposing energy type (to nerf things a bit?)
*Anything innovative there? This just seems to be someone's wishlist item for their monk PC, enabling them to wear these bracers to give them a natural armor boost, so they can leave their amulet slot free to also wear an amulet of mighty fists rather than an amulet of natural armor. And, if you combine what this item does in unarmed combat with an amulet of mighty fists, the power level really starts creeping up fast. Despite this item's price.
*I'm not really won over by it. Weak Reject.
*Once every 4 rounds is pretty darn often, although the cost is very high. Adding natural armor to the bracers slot is an interesting idea. The designer clearly thinks this is a monk item, but I think a cleric might have more use for it.
*The energy resistance and weakness feels tacked on to me and isn't really necessary (and likely inflated the cost). Apparently I have to chose an energy type every 4 rounds even if I'm not striking anything. Who wouldn't want to walk around with Resist 20 Fire all the time "just in case"? Maybe the resistance could have been linked to a successful hit or something.
*Weak keep
*It's clearly a monk item and the fact you see the cleric uses simply shows how poor the design is and how smart you are. Let's not give the author the credit for YOUR insight. Their design was poor.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Hashi of the Impassioned Dawnflower
*What's with the italicized descriptive text? That's not how wondrous items are written.
*Reflex is a game term. It needs to be capitalized.
*The channel energy ability is a class ability. It needs to be lowercase and not italicized.
*And purify food and water is a spell name, which should always be lowercase.
*And Craft Wondrous Item is a feat name and should never be italicized.
*And the price and cost values for wondrous items, actually do need "gp" next to them.
*Any amount of research into any wondrous item would reveal these things. This designer didn't do their homework. Or they're lazy. Or they're both.
*This many missteps are a clear indication to me that the designer isn't ready. And that's even before I assess what the item does. If I go that far, it's magic chopsticks that have a SIAC effect for making purified spicy food. And, for some reason they can also set undead on fire as part of a channeled energy attack. Who knew Sarenrae loved chopsticks and spicy food so much?
*I actually do like the catch on fire element of a channeled energy attack connected to the sun goddess, but that's not enough to redeem this item.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
The Deadeye's Snuff
*Do we really want to incent magical tobacco snuff? At 6,500 gp per lot of ten pieces? I'm not really a fan of this...despite the designer reaching for something related to the gunslinger class.
*Weak Reject.
*Reject.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Ugh, I hope Neil sees my item. I just noticed the post monster is playing the appearing/disappearing trick on me again.
Here's mine, as I said I'd do.
Hey, Marie! Welcome back. Good to see you submitting again. Let's see how this one panned out for you...
Pendant of Phoenix Ashes
*Another SAK item of SIAC effects. It's a bit of a MIAC as well with the phoenix transformation. I don't know. The flavor is interesting. It certainly lives up to its theme.
*Great use of the provided template. They've got the professional polish down.
*Still...130,000 gp?!
*...Weak Reject.
*Monster in a can.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Phial of Deceiving Vapors
*So, for 2,500 gp, you can fool anyone following your trail? That's it? Meh.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
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I would also like some feedback on my item. Unfortunately, I don't have the final text which I submitted, so I'll paste an earlier, less grammatically correct version.
Thank you, it's awesome that you take the time to do this for so many people.
ItemName Iron Stomach
Aura Moderate Conjuration b]CL[/b] 9th
SlotNone (only 1 can be used) Price 15,000 gp; Weight 10 lbs.
Description
The Iron Stomach is found as a large pill about the size of a pinky finger. A person can swallow the Iron Stomach to activate it. The user then makes a DC 13 Fort save. Success indicates that the item has attached itself to the user, and the user takes 1 pt of Con damage as long as she uses the item. Failure indicates that the user takes 2 pts of Con damage, and 8 hours later the Iron Stomach exits their body, causing 1d8 pts of damage. Once per day, the user may store a potion inside the Iron Stomach and activate it as a free action. The potion will stay in the Iron Stomach until used. A user may cause the Iron Stomach to detach itself as a full round action which provokes an attack of opportunity. A killed creature that was using an Iron Stomach will automatically expel the item on the round after it dies.
Constructions
Requirements Craft Wonderous Items, Secret Chestt, Cost 7500 gp
Thanks in advance (this is as close to my submission as possible. I think I made a couple of minor changes just before I hit submit).
Dead Man's Mirror
Aura faint necromancy; CL 5th
Slot -; Price 14,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
A handheld mirror with a small bowl affixed to its base, this mirror is a favorite among agents of the Sleepless Agency who utilize it during murder investigations. When an eyeball from a corpse is placed into the bowl, the mirror displays the last thing the creature saw before it died. This image remains until the eye is removed from the bowl. Placing the eye back into the bowl causes the image to reappear.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, speak with dead; Cost 7,000 gp
Suspension of Reckoning
*What? Yuck. No. It's a gross SAK of skill bonuses-in-a-can.
*Vote to Reject.
*And it has no spell or skill prereqs.
*Reject.
*Rejected.