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Official "Critique My Item" Thread


RPG Superstar™ 2012 General Discussion

751 to 800 of 1,111 << first < prev | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | next > last >>
Andoran

Sean K Reynolds wrote:


The improper caps are in the submitted version, and the Price/Cost matches what you posted here. No dashes, though!

Okay, last question then! I realize that the prerequisite cost for a CL 9 spell is pretty high, but I eyeballed it low because of the limited applications that the item itself would have. I seem to remember reading somewhere that it was okay to adjust a price as befitting items of comparable utility.

Badwrong?

Even if you don't get to this one man, I've got to thank you for taking the time to give me the feedback you already have. This has been absolutely invaluable. You didn't blow smoke up my ass or sugar coat your expectations, and now that I have this insight into exactly where I went wrong, I'm brimming with confidence for next year.

Time to get to work reconciling that death-ray that sees through walls and does laundry!

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 aka Cydeth

Well, consider the fact that with the tomb stone you can pass it around the party. Instead of just one party managing to have a ghost touch weapon for the nasty fight with shadows, you have 3, in the best case. And it gets worse if they know it's coming, (which a lot of players manage). And this is at half the price of the minimum cost of a ghost touch weapon. Personally, I wouldn't ever allow it, as written, into one of my games.

My two copper.

Andoran Dedicated Voter 2013

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Andrew Christian wrote:

Irisated Tabard

Aura faint transmutation and enchantment; CL 12th
Slot body; Price 33,800 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
The back panel of this sky-blue tabard is embroidered with a giant iridescent iris.

Once per day, when a critical hit or sneak attack is scored on the wearer, they may allow the irisated tabard to activate as an immediate action. Upon activation, space between the wearer and attacker twists and the iris opens. A secondary dilated iris appears within 55 feet, over a creature of the wearer’s choice. The irisated tabard pulls the attack effect into its iris and expels it through the secondary iris with a translucent image of the attack. The critical hit or sneak attack is then scored on the new target.

If there is no secondary target available, this ability may not be used.

The irisated tabard confers a +10 circumstance bonus to Perception checks to avoid being surprised.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, twisted space; Cost 16,900 gp

Since its going to be awhile before Neil can get to posting the judge comments, I'll give a shot at critiquing my own item.

1) Irisated is not a real word. I thought it sounded cool and riffed off the iris on the tabard, but this may have ruffled the judges a bit.
2) Statblock generally ok, except enchantment shows up in the aura. This was a holdover from an initial draft where I had murderous command as a spell requirement. I forgot to double check that I'd removed all vestiges of that spell.
3)If the item activates by reaction to a specific event or set of events, then its a triggered item and the type of action doesn't need to be stated. It was redundant to say it activated as an immediate action, when the action is a triggered or reactionary one. While this might not fly in the face of action economy, it surely shows that this item wasn't ready for prime time. Some tightening up of this sort of mistake would have made it better, but this wasn't the fatal flaw.
4)The fact that the redirected attack apparently automatically scores on the new target should be reconfigured. I only had 162 words in this item, so had plenty of space to discuss that the to hit roll (and critical back-up if appropriate) must be applied to the new creature's AC or at least allow the new creature a reflex saving throw would have been appropriate. I felt this was a fatal flaw.
5) 55 feet is a strange number for an item. I was basing this off the caster level for a short range spell. But I could have said the effect was a short range effect instead of listing the feet. Although the distance is often listed in magic items. Exact distance probably didn't matter, 30 feet or 60 feet would have been better. Additionally, how does the distance affect ranged attacks or ranged spells. There should have been something about ranged and targeted spells only being able to be redirected at a new target still within the range of the spell as though the caster cast at the new target.
6) The +10 bonus was probably overkill. A +5 bonus would have been sufficient.
7) I have a sneaking suspicion that a similar item was submitted in past years, and I am just not remembering it right now.
8) I really should have spent more time on this item, but time did not permit and I wrote this one up last minute. Not an excuse, just the reality of my situation. Its ok though, as it is allowing me to spend more time honing my writing skills on an Open Design project.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 aka Cydeth

Other than the bits you mentioned...I don't like some of the ideas that it brings to mind. I mean, I could see some party members putting on your 'tabard', laying down 'helpless' near the rogue with the scythe, or next to the barbarian, and letting them coup de grace them, transferring the auto-crit to an opponent through the door they're near. And the poor opponent has no save, the attacker doesn't have to roll to hit, nothing. I just dislike the potential problems I could see with it.

Andoran Dedicated Voter 2013

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Benjamin Medrano wrote:
Other than the bits you mentioned...I don't like some of the ideas that it brings to mind. I mean, I could see some party members putting on your 'tabard', laying down 'helpless' near the rogue with the scythe, or next to the barbarian, and letting them coup de grace them, transferring the auto-crit to an opponent through the door they're near. And the poor opponent has no save, the attacker doesn't have to roll to hit, nothing. I just dislike the potential problems I could see with it.

Hmm... never thought of that. I tend not to uber-optimize or try to use items or spells in obviously abusive ways, so I tend not to think like a meta or power gamer.

But yeah, some language like, "if an enemy scores an attack that includes precise damage or a critical hit..." would solve that problem right there.


Hey, everyone! I apologize for inserting my Superstar entry so late in the game. I hope it is not terribly inconsiderate of me to do so. I finally have my first week of the semester out of the way and can direct my attention away from the textbooks.

If anyone or the judges have any thoughts or comments, I would love to hear some feedback. Thanks so much for your time!

Stein of Dwarven Vigor:
Stein of Dwarven Vigor
Aura faint varied; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 27,000gp; Weight 1 lb.

Description
This cast-iron stein of dwarven design bears the image of a proud Torag gulping a frothy pint. It is always warm to the touch. This stein can hold up to 1 pint of alcohol and is a favorite among the dwarves. Alcohol must be kept inside a stein of dwarven vigor for at least 24 hours for its magic to take effect. Once per day as a swift action, the user of the stein may turn the ale into a potion of blood rage. This potion must be consumed within one round. The user can end the potions effect early by spewing forth a 15 ft. cone-shaped burst of flames in front of him that does 5d4 fire damage. This leaves the user with a fuzzy, tingly feeling of satisfaction.
Any non-dwarf who dares to drink the potent dwarven alcohol from one of these steins immediately grows a full-bodied beard that would impress even the most seasoned of dwarves, granting the character a +4 circumstance bonus to Charisma-based checks when dealing with any dwarf. The beard lasts for only 24 hours before completely falling out.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, blood rage, burning hands, dwarven veil, creator must be a dwarf; Cost 13,500gp

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 aka Cydeth

Possibly...but then there's the question of if the effect can go through walls and such. But my honest opinion is that the auto-hit an opponent with a crit/SA is too much. Unless they're immune(heavy fort), they will take the damage, no matter what defenses they have. AC? Nope. Saving throw? Nope. It's like a critical hit that was dumped into a Magic Missile without even the options of a Shield spell to stop it.

Andoran Dedicated Voter 2013

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Benjamin Medrano wrote:
Possibly...but then there's the question of if the effect can go through walls and such. But my honest opinion is that the auto-hit an opponent with a crit/SA is too much. Unless they're immune(heavy fort), they will take the damage, no matter what defenses they have. AC? Nope. Saving throw? Nope. It's like a critical hit that was dumped into a Magic Missile without even the options of a Shield spell to stop it.

Yeah, like I said in my self-critique, I'm pretty sure that was the fatal flaw in the design. If I had to apply the confirm roll on the new target's AC, or gave the new target say a will save or something, that would have balanced it a ton I think and solved the problem.

But woulda, coulda, shoulda... here's to next year, thanks for the comments.

Andoran

lol

Benjamin, be sure to thank whichever group of players traumatized you into this state of hyper-vigilance. It's helped you pass muster in RPG Superstar, and your pragmatic (pessimistic?) eye toward how power gamers will abuse any item placed before them has helped broaden the perspectives of at least two of your peers!

I'm sure reading that makes all the gray hairs worth it, right?

...right?

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 aka Cydeth

...let's just say that I view my first GM as an inspiration. Of everything not to do.

And, unfortunately, I am what I like to term as an optimistic pessimist. I hope for the best...and expect the worst. And with several of the players/GMs I had, that was with good reason. No, they didn't pull Pun-Pun, but it was almost as bad in several cases. In my opinion, the first question I ask is: How could a player easily abuse the item? If it takes hoops, fine, as long as it isn't obvious or overly easy.

But all of this is my opinion. And everyone knows how opinions are.

Also, no grey hairs. I'm 26, with long black hair without a hint of grey, thank you. ^_^

Andoran

marv wrote:

Cantering Stilts

Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot feet; Price 10,700 gp; Weight 6 lbs.
Description
Used by amorous bards for balcony serenades, street performers, and combatants in elevated battlefields, these 3 foot long polished wood stilts increase the wearer’s height and speed.

To activate, the wearer must have the leather straps fastened around their calves, stand vertically, and say the command word. Once activated, the wearer can mentally change their height (up or down) by extending the cantering stilts as much as 20 feet/round to a maximum of 60 feet as a move action. Additionally, the wearer’s horizontal base land speed increases with an increased acrobatic DC modifier for all move actions based on height.

An acrobatics check must be made at before any move action (DC 15).

  • Success indicates a successful move action can be made. A speed bonus is added for horizontal movement.
  • Failure by less than 5 indicates a stumble: the wearer moves 10 feet in a random horizontal direction (1d8; 1 is north with other numbers clockwise) from their starting square.
  • Failure of 5 or more indicates a fall from the current height.

Height(feet)\Speed Bonus(feet)\Acrobatics DC
3-10\+0\+0
11-30\+5\+1
31-50\+10\+3
51-60\+20\+6

Cantering stilts (Hardness 5, 20 hit points) do not affect the wearer’s size category. A sunder attack which breaks the stilts or a successful trip against the wearer results in a fall. If the wearer falls or otherwise does not have their weight supported vertically by the stilts, then the device deactivates and standard falling rules apply.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous item, Levitate, Longstrider, creator must have 5 ranks in the Acrobatics skill;Cost 5,600 gp

I like the ingenuity in this item, but I don't know how much use it would see in most parties.

When most people play bards, they want to be sexy and/or cool...unless they're gnomes or halflings. In my experience, those are the jokesters that aren't afraid to look silly. And given that these are stilts, it could be a good tie-in to short folk!

That aside, it might also have helped if you cut back on the maximum height a bit. 60 feet is quite a way up there.

Hope this was useful!

Andoran

Benjamin Medrano wrote:

...let's just say that I view my first GM as an inspiration. Of everything not to do.

And, unfortunately, I am what I like to term as an optimistic pessimist. I hope for the best...and expect the worst. And with several of the players/GMs I had, that was with good reason. No, they didn't pull Pun-Pun, but it was almost as bad in several cases. In my opinion, the first question I ask is: How could a player easily abuse the item? If it takes hoops, fine, as long as it isn't obvious or overly easy.

But all of this is my opinion. And everyone knows how opinions are.

Also, no grey hairs. I'm 26, with long black hair without a hint of grey, thank you. ^_^

See, I wanted to keep production of them down with the very particular materials and criteria needed for their construction. You know, holy relics and all. But there isn't really a mechanical way to say "Hey GM! Don't hand these out like candy!".

I should've tried to get that point across more. Instead, I thought I'd distinguish myself as that guy that stood out by being really succinct and being way under the word count. Whoops!

Designer, RPG Superstar Judge

Kevin Mickelson wrote:
Okay, last question then! I realize that the prerequisite cost for a CL 9 spell is pretty high, but I eyeballed it low because of the limited applications that the item itself would have. I seem to remember reading somewhere that it was okay to adjust a price as befitting items of comparable utility.

The CL 9 doesn't really have any regard to what the item does, other than it's the CL for the ghost touch weapon quality. So I don't really care what the CL of this item is, especially as it has no bearing on the item's actual abilities.


Critique, please. Constructive criticism to open disgust? Bring it on! I'm guessing, since I got the format wrong, that's an obvious, so... Here it is.

Bowstring of benefit

This mundane-looking horse hair bowstring, at the archer's discretion, imbues mundane arrows with various magical effects. These effects do not stack with magical bows/arrows that provide the same or similar bonuses (e.g. This bow string, used in conjunction with a +1 bow/arrow, would not allow it to become a +2 magical weapon)

3/day - Cause 1 arrow being fired to inflict normal damage plus an additional 2d6 of elemental damage. Elemental damage type must be announced prior to the attack being made.
3/day - Enchant 1 arrow being fired with a +1 magical bonus.
2/day - Transform 1 arrow fired into a large Air Elemental, which attacks the target fired upon for 3 rounds before disappearing.
1/day - Transform 1 arrow being fired into a Brilliant Energy arrow. The arrow dissolves into smoke after the attack is resolved.

Aura: Faint Evocation and Conjuration, strong Transmutation; CL 16th; Slot none; Price 3,750 gp; Weight --


Caelesti wrote:
See, the problem with your stance is, you get judge responses like the one I've shown, that are so out of touch with reality that I don't know how the judge that said that could have ever played ANY version of D&D, let alone Pathfinder. You don't make an unarmed strike or melee touch attack to grant invisibility to an ally, so where is this criticism even coming from? They've clearly read what was said, yet they have so completely misinterpreted the rules of the game, that they're voicing an objection that makes no sense. How could any reasonable, average player believe that an item which only activates when making a 'melee touch attack' will activate whenever anyone/anything is touched?

I have probably been ninja'd by now, but if not:

prd wrote:


Holding the Charge: If you don't discharge the spell in the round when you cast the spell, you can hold the charge indefinitely. You can continue to make touch attacks round after round. If you touch anything or anyone while holding a charge, even unintentionally, the spell discharges

The issue is that by the general rule of the game even spells which require a melee touch attack can go off by accident. You would have needed a clause saying this was an exception to the rule. There are board members here who are that nitpicky in game play without a specific rule to override a general one. That is what I think the judges were doing.

edit:I know your item was not a spell.

Designer, RPG Superstar Judge

Mr. Swagger wrote:
Caelesti wrote:
See, the problem with your stance is, you get judge responses like the one I've shown, that are so out of touch with reality that I don't know how the judge that said that could have ever played ANY version of D&D, let alone Pathfinder. You don't make an unarmed strike or melee touch attack to grant invisibility to an ally, so where is this criticism even coming from? They've clearly read what was said, yet they have so completely misinterpreted the rules of the game, that they're voicing an objection that makes no sense. How could any reasonable, average player believe that an item which only activates when making a 'melee touch attack' will activate whenever anyone/anything is touched?

I have probably been ninja'd by now, but if not:

prd wrote:
Holding the Charge: If you don't discharge the spell in the round when you cast the spell, you can hold the charge indefinitely. You can continue to make touch attacks round after round. If you touch anything or anyone while holding a charge, even unintentionally, the spell discharges
The issue is that by the general rule of the game even spells which require a melee touch attack can go off by accident. You would have needed a clause saying this was an exception to the rule. There are board members here who are that nitpicky in game play without a specific rule to override a general one. That is what I think the judges were doing.

That, and it's generally bad form to say that the judge who said that (me, btw) is "out of touch with reality," couldn't have "ever played any version of D&D," and "completely misinterpreted the rules of the game." Stay classy!

Cheliax

Joana wrote:
@Ian Eastmond: Your item made the Keep pile, so you qualify for special feedback in this thread.

OMG Thank You!!!!

I had no idea that was there; usually I look here... and... wow.

Thanks again. Anyone who wants to give feedback on my item please do, anything is appreciated, and I will do my best to return the favor. :-)


Angry Jawa wrote:

Critique, please. Constructive criticism to open disgust? Bring it on! I'm guessing, since I got the format wrong, that's an obvious, so... Here it is.

Bowstring of benefit

This mundane-looking horse hair bowstring, at the archer's discretion, imbues mundane arrows with various magical effects. These effects do not stack with magical bows/arrows that provide the same or similar bonuses (e.g. This bow string, used in conjunction with a +1 bow/arrow, would not allow it to become a +2 magical weapon)

3/day - Cause 1 arrow being fired to inflict normal damage plus an additional 2d6 of elemental damage. Elemental damage type must be announced prior to the attack being made.
3/day - Enchant 1 arrow being fired with a +1 magical bonus.
2/day - Transform 1 arrow fired into a large Air Elemental, which attacks the target fired upon for 3 rounds before disappearing.
1/day - Transform 1 arrow being fired into a Brilliant Energy arrow. The arrow dissolves into smoke after the attack is resolved.

Aura: Faint Evocation and Conjuration, strong Transmutation; CL 16th; Slot none; Price 3,750 gp; Weight --

Only 3 attacks a day? The item would be better if you could get more use out of it, even if it meant raising the price.

I do have other issues also. What does an air elemental have to do with Brilliant energy. Having a common theme would also have made this better. It seems like you just chose 3 random things and tacked them on.

Back to the 3/day ability of applying a making an arrow a +1 arrow. By the time I would buy this, which probably cost 7500 since the price to make it is 3750 I would have a +1 bow already, and at least on my way to having a +2 bow(a little over 8,000). Now since that +1 arrow does not stack with my +1 bow that means the ability is really no good at all.


I know what I would have changed if I could do it over again but would love any feedback from judges or other folks or whoever. Thank you :)

Cloak of the Scrivener
Aura moderate divination; CL 7th
Slot shoulders; Price 29,400 gp; Weight 1lb.
Description
Created and worn by Tengu, who serve as sea witches on ships in the Shackles or as oracles in rookeries in cities, the cloaks are sometimes sold outside those insular communities. These long, feathered cloaks are covered in dozens of used writing quills of many colors hooked onto the cloth, staining it an inky black.

The cloak allows the wearer the ability to mimic voices as per the vocal alteration spell (self only) for 7 minutes per day; the minutes need not be consecutive but must be in 1 minute increments.

Each cloak is made with 25 enchanted quills which allow the wearer to seek oracular wisdom as per the divination spell. The casting time remains 10 minutes with the quill replacing the standard material component; the wearer using it to write out his question. Upon completion, the quill loses its magical properties. When all quills are used, the cloak retains its ability to mimic voices. Found cloaks will have 2d10 enchanted quills remaining.

Each time a quill is used in this manner, the wearer must succeed on a DC 15 Will save (DC 20 if the divination was incorrect) or else be compelled to steal a shiny object or colorful piece of cloth; the value of the object or success of the theft is unimportant as long as an attempt is made. If an attempt is not made, the wearer suffers 1 point of Wisdom drain the next day and each day thereafter until either a theft attempt or successful Will save is made at which time all Wisdom drain is healed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, divination, vocal alteration; Cost 14,700 gp

Star Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014

Hello judges. this was my item, please review it if you have time.

Earrings of Eldritch Maneuvers
Auraslight evocation; CL5th
Slothead; Price21,600; Weight--

DESCRIPTION
These diamond and gold stud earrings appear quite mundane, albeit rather expensive. They must be worn for 24 hours before their power can be activated. Twice per day if he would hit a single creature within 30 feet with a touch or ranged touch spell that deals hit point damage, their wearer may activate the earrings as a swift action to have that spell deal no damage and instead initiate a disarm, trip, or sunder combat maneuver against that creature. He gains a bonus to this eldritch maneuver equal to his caster level. If he possesses the improved or greater feat for the chosen maneuver that bonus applies as well.

CONSTRUCTION
RequirementsCraft Wondrous Item, force punch; Cost10,800gp

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 16

Let's see where this one went wrong:

Dark Candelabrum
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 10th
Slot -; Price 19,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
With a command, this pewter candelabrum conjures black flames that float where candles would be.
While in dim light or darker, anyone holding a lit Dark Candelabrum seems to flicker and fade, as if he was somehow the shadow of the black flames. Images of the candelabrum-bearer’s body erratically appear and disappear around him, as mirror image with four false images.
As a move action, the candelabrum-bearer can make one of his available images appear at any location within line of sight that is also in dim light or darker. These detached images are no longer mirror image figments, but are shadows (Bestiary pg 245) with the same alignment as the bearer and have a +20 modifier on Disguise checks to impersonate him. They act on his initiative, mimicking his actions: when he attacks a target in melee, they likewise attack a creature near themselves; when he casts a spell, they (ineffectually) pantomime the somatic components, etc. If two detached images share a location, one becomes a mirror image figment for the other.
If a detached image is exposed to light brighter than dim light, loses line of sight to the real candelabrum-bearer, or takes even one point of damage, it is instantly destroyed. The bearer may conjure 1d4 replacement images as a standard action, to the maximum of four images. Unlike normal shadows, images cannot create spawn.
As a move action, the candelabrum-bearer can switch places with a detached image. This instantly consumes 5 rounds of the Dark Candelabrum’s daily allotment. This is a teleportation effect.
The Dark Candelabrum can remain lit for 20 rounds per day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Dimension Door, Mirror Image, Summon Monster V; Cost 9,500 gp

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32 , Star Voter 2013

I made some last minute edits in the post that I didn't copy back to my original item

this is the closest version i saved

Beguiling Blossom
Aura Moderate Enchantment; CL 8th
Slot --; Price 3200 gp; Weight
Description
The boon of charming rogues and flatterers, this preternaturally beautiful fresh cut flower, when willingly accepted, so beguiles the receiver as to make him or her predisposed to the giver’s every request.
Once in possession of the flower, the receiver must make a will save with a DC of 18 or become subject of the effects of the blossom. This saving throw is modified by the receiver’s current attitude toward the giver: Hostile +10, Unfriendly +5, Indifferent +0, Friendly -5, Helpful -15.
While the flower remains fresh, and so long as Giver makes no requests that are contrary to the receiver’s nature, the subject maintains a friendly attitude. Once per day, the giver may attempt a bluff or diplomacy check action with a +10 modifier applied.
The effect lasts as long as the flower remains fresh, usually 7days from the date it was cut unless mistreated. The freshness of the flower may be maintained by a successful Profession (Gardener) check with a DC 10 for each additional day of freshness desired. Add 2 to the DC of the profession check cumulatively for each day beyond the 7th (dc 12 on day 8, etc).
If the giver does not fail any attempted diplomacy or bluff checks, when the blossom effect ends, the receiver remains with a friendly attitude and is not able to recall the specifics of the origin of the new-found friendship.
Construction
Requirements Craft wondrous item, Charm Monster, Memory lapse; Cost 1600 gp
i know i trimmed it to 4 days, but i doubt that would have much bearing on the decision
any comments are appreciated


Jonathon Vining wrote:

Navigational Helioscope

Aura faint divination; CL 5th
Slot —; Price 1,200 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This small handheld item, shaped roughly like a compass, is commonly used by planar explorers as an aid in returning home. As a move-equivalent action, it directs the user towards the nearest portal to the next-closest plane to Positive Energy - a traveler in the Astral would be directed to the Plane of Fire, for example. This effectively guides any character eventually to the Material Plane, and is thus most useful to explorers from that plane.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, locate object; Cost 600 gp

Specs seem good on your item,but I'm a bit confused as to how this item can eventually guide characters to the Material Plane, when they are on the Astral Plane,Plane of Fire,etc. Wouldn't it be better to call this item the Navigational Heliscope of Planar Travel,or something similar since that seem to be the flavor here, some explanation would help here.


Random portals to other planes don't exist by RAW AFAIK.

Taldor Dedicated Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014

Joana wrote:

@Magical_Beast: Check out the blog! You qualify for special feedback. :)

EDIT: Zalaster, you too!

I just saw this. Stunned...

Thanks for the redirect!

Grand Lodge Dedicated Voter 2013

Any judge feedback for Ochre of the Golden Grove?


Thanks, and good luck to all the winners

Mask, Secret Mask
Aura moderate (no school); CL 10th
Slot head slot; Price 11,000 gp; Weight - lbs.
Description
This mask can be made of different kinds of materials be it metal, leather, ceramic, or even wood. But the defining
feature is that the mouth is never open. When worn, the mask prevents you from uttering a single word from your mouth.
It takes a standard action to put on, or remove, but when worn you gain a +2 enhancement bonus to stealth checks.
Once per day, you may speak a command word and be under the effect of pass without trace spell for 10 minutes. If you
remove the mask the effect ends.
If Norgorber is your patron, the mask can be worn as your holy symbol and the wielder can cast up to three spells per day
without verbal components as though using the Silent Spell feat.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderious Item, Silent Spell, Pass Without Trace; Cost 5,500 gp

Star Voter 2013

Pathfinder Tales Subscriber
Neil Spicer wrote:
Thomas Miller aka tqmillerusa wrote:
Linnorm Raiding Drum

*So, this is just to enable swift travel for Ulfen warriors in their longships and overland marches. Meh. How often do the rules for rowing watercraft and forced marches come up in your game? Almost never. Yet, you want 22,000 gp for this item? I think I'll pass.

*Vote to Reject.

*Agreed. Reject.

*Also, agree. Reject.

*Rejected.

Thanks for taking the time to share how this entry fared with the judges.

Though, I do think this type of item will be useful to players in the near future, or at least that was my thoughts when designing it, in the Skull & Shackles adventure path.

If anyone else is interested in commenting or sharing thoughts on something other than usefulness or cost, I would greatly appreciate the feedback.

Good luck to those who are moving on!


Thomas Miller aka tqmillerusa wrote:
Neil Spicer wrote:
Thomas Miller aka tqmillerusa wrote:
Linnorm Raiding Drum

*So, this is just to enable swift travel for Ulfen warriors in their longships and overland marches. Meh. How often do the rules for rowing watercraft and forced marches come up in your game? Almost never. Yet, you want 22,000 gp for this item? I think I'll pass.

*Vote to Reject.

*Agreed. Reject.

*Also, agree. Reject.

*Rejected.

Thanks for taking the time to share how this entry fared with the judges.

Though, I do think this type of item will be useful to players in the near future, or at least that was my thoughts when designing it, in the Skull & Shackles adventure path.

If anyone else is interested in commenting or sharing thoughts on something other than usefulness or cost, I would greatly appreciate the feedback.

Good luck to those who are moving on!

How many crew members must hear the drums? I can see a player asking this in some corner case situation.

The item also should not have been a drum IMHO. It is pricey for something that does not come up a lot, and by the time I am paying 22000 for an item I can probably cast teleport or get a scroll of teleport for a lot less money.

Shadow Lodge

Draelin wrote:

Thanks, and good luck to all the winners

Mask, Secret Mask
Aura moderate (no school); CL 10th
Slot head slot; Price 11,000 gp; Weight - lbs.
Description
This mask can be made of different kinds of materials be it metal, leather, ceramic, or even wood. But the defining
feature is that the mouth is never open. When worn, the mask prevents you from uttering a single word from your mouth.
It takes a standard action to put on, or remove, but when worn you gain a +2 enhancement bonus to stealth checks.
Once per day, you may speak a command word and be under the effect of pass without trace spell for 10 minutes. If you
remove the mask the effect ends.
If Norgorber is your patron, the mask can be worn as your holy symbol and the wielder can cast up to three spells per day
without verbal components as though using the Silent Spell feat.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderious Item, Silent Spell, Pass Without Trace; Cost 5,500 gp

I know I'm not a judge, but reading through this I saw two big things wrong; and I'd like to help.

1) The name of the item, I don't know if that was supposed to be a mistake. But it looks like it is and an item called Secret Mask Mask just sounds weird.

2) This item makes it so you cannot speak at all. No words what-so-ever. But it is activated by a command word. That just doesn't make sense.

It is a cool item, but I think that #2 was probably the reason why it got rejected.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Modules Subscriber
Draelin wrote:

Thanks, and good luck to all the winners

Mask, Secret Mask
Aura moderate (no school); CL 10th
Slot head slot; Price 11,000 gp; Weight - lbs.
Description
This mask can be made of different kinds of materials be it metal, leather, ceramic, or even wood. But the defining
feature is that the mouth is never open. When worn, the mask prevents you from uttering a single word from your mouth.
It takes a standard action to put on, or remove, but when worn you gain a +2 enhancement bonus to stealth checks.
Once per day, you may speak a command word and be under the effect of pass without trace spell for 10 minutes. If you
remove the mask the effect ends.
If Norgorber is your patron, the mask can be worn as your holy symbol and the wielder can cast up to three spells per day
without verbal components as though using the Silent Spell feat.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderious Item, Silent Spell, Pass Without Trace; Cost 5,500 gp

Like Sphen said, plus (nitpicking; I know...)

- AFAIK, the descriptions for wondrous items refer to the user in third-person and do not adress him as "you". You are flipping back and forth between "the wielder" and "you".
- A comma is missing between "materials" and "be it"
- If pass without trace is a spell, it should be in italics and not capitalized. Plus, inconsistent use of capitals between both occurences.
- Cenerally clunky sentences, as an eample take the unnecessary leap between subjects in mid-sentence, "If Norgorber is your patron, (...) the wielder can cast...".
- "It takes (...) to put on, but when worn you gain a +2 enhancement bonus"... umm... am I the only one who is not happy with that formulation?
- Finally: What the eff is a "Wonderious Item"? Trying to take "Wonderous" to a new level of wondrous?

Cheliax

I have a pretty fair idea of what Clark had to say about my item. Since I think it sparked a "You can do better than this" thread :)

I'm interested to see if the other judges felt the same way?

Pathfinder's Map
Aura Faint Divination; CL 4th
Slot -; Price 9,000 gp; Weight - lbs.
Description
This tattered piece of blank parchment has been enchanted to act as an impermanent memory of scrying. Once per day, the scroll may be placed against the side of a building or similar construction. A map immediately appears on the surface of the scroll. The map details the interior of the building, it's rooms and corridors, and any items of interest (doors, fireplaces, tables etc), exactly as though the building's owner were giving a tour. The map can only display inanimate objects which would be seen by a person standing in a given room. No hidden or secret doors, traps or NPCs would be visible. No room beyond any secret door would be visible. If the building extends beyond 500 feet from the point the map touches the building, it becomes faint, and incomplete at that point.

The scroll can contain only one map at a time. If pressed against a different structure, a new map replaces the old.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Arcane Eye; Cost 4,500 gp
I actually see The Gloves of Reconnaissance as being a very similar item, but obviously better executed!

other than stealing Chad's head, what could I have done better?

Shadow Lodge

Nevynxxx wrote:

I have a pretty fair idea of what Clark had to say about my item. Since I think it sparked a "You can do better than this" thread :)

I'm interested to see if the other judges felt the same way?

Pathfinder's Map
Aura Faint Divination; CL 4th
Slot -; Price 9,000 gp; Weight - lbs.
Description
This tattered piece of blank parchment has been enchanted to act as an impermanent memory of scrying. Once per day, the scroll may be placed against the side of a building or similar construction. A map immediately appears on the surface of the scroll. The map details the interior of the building, it's rooms and corridors, and any items of interest (doors, fireplaces, tables etc), exactly as though the building's owner were giving a tour. The map can only display inanimate objects which would be seen by a person standing in a given room. No hidden or secret doors, traps or NPCs would be visible. No room beyond any secret door would be visible. If the building extends beyond 500 feet from the point the map touches the building, it becomes faint, and incomplete at that point.

The scroll can contain only one map at a time. If pressed against a different structure, a new map replaces the old.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Arcane Eye; Cost 4,500 gp
I actually see The Gloves of Reconnaissance as being a very similar item, but obviously better executed!

other than stealing Chad's head, what could I have done better?

"No Automap" is included in #26.

Osirion Marathon Voter 2014

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Card Game, Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Midnight_Angel wrote:
Draelin wrote:

Thanks, and good luck to all the winners

Mask, Secret Mask
Aura moderate (no school); CL 10th
Slot head slot; Price 11,000 gp; Weight - lbs.
Description
This mask can be made of different kinds of materials be it metal, leather, ceramic, or even wood. But the defining
feature is that the mouth is never open. When worn, the mask prevents you from uttering a single word from your mouth.
It takes a standard action to put on, or remove, but when worn you gain a +2 enhancement bonus to stealth checks.
Once per day, you may speak a command word and be under the effect of pass without trace spell for 10 minutes. If you
remove the mask the effect ends.
If Norgorber is your patron, the mask can be worn as your holy symbol and the wielder can cast up to three spells per day
without verbal components as though using the Silent Spell feat.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderious Item, Silent Spell, Pass Without Trace; Cost 5,500 gp

Like Sphen said, plus (nitpicking; I know...)

- A comma is missing between "materials" and "be it"
- If pass without trace is a spell, it should be in italics and not capitalized. Plus, inconsistent use of capitals between both occurences.
- Cenerally clunky sentences, as an eample take the unnecessary leap between subjects in mid-sentence, "If Norgorber is your patron, (...) the wielder can cast...".
- "when worn you gain a +2 enhancement bonus"... umm am I the only one who is not happy with that formulation?
- Line break between "Construction" and "Requirements"... why?
- Finally: What the eff is a "Wonderious Item"? Trying to take "Wonderous" to a new level of wondrous?

It has more problems than that.

- Its a SIAC which grants a minor bonus and mimics a metamagic rod(ie. not bad but not superstar).

- The aura should include faint transmutation (the spell is 1st level transmutation)

- CL should be either 1st or 17th. Aside from the metamagic rod emulation, there is no reason for it to be higher than 3rd but the item is weak enough that 1st is good (the 10 min a day use nerfs even the 1st level spell).

- Price, by RaW, should be either 2400 gp or 19,400 (1x1x2000 + 2x2x100) + 17,000 gp for greater silent metamagic rod)

- the word "slot" does not need to follow "head"

- There should be at least a 1 lb weight as the mask is made of material heavier than silk.

- The requirement to speak a command word with a mask that does not let you speak has been noted, but is a major mistake.

- The text is too clunky for such a simple item, consider, "This leather mask has no slot for the mouth and functions as a holy symbol for clerics of Norgorber. Wearing the mask, which prevents you from speaking or casting spells, grants you a +2 bonus to Stealth checks and allows you 1/day to cast pass without trace." All the same basic information in 2 sentences.

- I would just drop the whole Silent Spell aspect as it simply mimics a greater metamagic rod and makes everything else (CL, price, etc.) wonky.

- The 10 minutes of spell effect a day is weak considering the spell lasts 1 hour/level.

- the whole not speaking thing is problematic, making the mask undesirable for the clerics who are supposed to be benefiting from it.

Cheliax

InVinoVeritas wrote:


"No Automap" is included in #26.

Bugger! So auto-fail too. Although I would think the limited range would count for something?


Nevynxxx wrote:


Bugger! So auto-fail too. Although I would think the limited range would count for something?

Also, aside from template issues (capitalization, italics, I think a weightless item doesn't have lbs. at the end), there was a grammatical pet peeve of mine: it's vs. its

I always write out any it's as it is to make sure that's what I intended.

From a conceptual standpoint, this item becomes convoluted if the building's owner has some extraordinary senses (darkvision, blindsight) or if the building is owned by a corporate body.
Who owns city hall?

EDIT: is the map created with current lighting conditions or optimal? If optimal, optimal for whom (dhampir/drow are dazzled in bright light, I believe)?

It may also run slightly afoul of "makes GM's work harder" by invoking the builder's owner. As an officially lazy GM, I wouldn't want to introduce this item for that reason.

Star Voter 2013

The commentary on my item, (the Bath of Dawn Infusion, or "magic bathtub") was informative, if brief. I certainly get that a bath is a little odd- my hope was to stand out from the other entries, and redeem the strangeness through the excellence of the rest of the entry. (Also. My hope was that the rest of the entry was excellent. :) )

But I was not able to achieve that, because fundamentally, my item was more of a location/plot device than a wondrous item. This is a criticism I can understand and agree with, and because it was already rejected on that basis, it did not matter if the rest of the entry was good or not. I was going for a sort of 'decadent witch queen' kind of item, and Cleopatra was famous for bathing in milk. Ass milk, specifically, but I thought the entry would be better received if it did not include the term 'ass milk.'

A lesson learned for next year.

I realize the official judges have no time to give a review beyond that they've already given, but if any other local experts have any advice on how the item might have been improved, or where else the submission went wrong, beyond the qualities that disqualified it, I'd be appreciative.

Silver Crusade Dedicated Voter 2013

RonarsCorruption wrote:


Traveler's Cap
So, this is a hat of disguise that you don't control, and allows you to make knowledge checks. Not really exciting. Add to that that you missed commas in your price, and make a point to call out that it will change based on the gender of the wearer, you have a clear impression of someone who is trying, but hasn't quite hit their stride. Try to veer a little further away from existing items next time.

Okay, I appreciate the fact that you looked at my item, thought about it, and wrote down your impressions for my consideration. Having said that, I can't really take anything helpful away from your thoughts as I both disagree with them completely and feel you've completely missed the point.

No, it is not a hat of disguise that you don't control and allows you to make knowledge checks. Far too much emphasis was placed both by you and the judges on the numeric qualities of the item. It doesn't exist to give a skill buff; the buffs are seasoning, not meat. The item exists as a tool of cultural assimilation. What a hat of disguise does for one's appearance, a traveler's cap does for one's personality, speech, and body language. Making it a hat, and therefore mutually exclusive with its close cousin, was a conscious choice, not an error of cleaving too close to an existing item.

To tell a stranger, based on one (very small) submission that they have not "hit their stride" is supremely arrogant and ill-informed, by the way, and not appreciated. The very best you can say about my professional credentials is that by virtue of having entered this competition I don't have a cover credit on a published gaming book, and that is all. Your credentials do not entitle you to any source of wisdom and authority I couldn't claim, myself.


Since it seems things have slowed down I post my item

Yoke, Bonding
Aura moderate divination; CL 9th
Slot wrists + special; Price 16,000 gp; Weight: -

DESCRIPTION
This item strengthens the bond between the owner (bonder), and an animal (bonded) whose intelligence score is 2 or less.
Each of these magic objects is made of two parts. One, a single leather bracelet branded with runes, is to be worn by the bonder. The other, which is to be put on the animal, comes in different shapes depending on the type of animal it was designed for: it could be a bridle, a collar, a small canister etc.

The item effects change, depending on the nature of the bonded animal.
A wild animal will behave towards the bonder as if he has been domesticated.
A domesticated animal can be trained by the bonder as per the Handle Animal skill with weeks to be read as hours.
If the animal is a companion or a familiar of the bonder, the link becomes so strong the animal can be directed by the master. Once a day, provided the two are within 1 mile of each other, the bonder is able to see, speak and hear through the animal and can telepathically direct him in doing whatever task he is physically able to perform. This control can be established if the bonder is able to concentrate and lasts for a number of minutes equal to the bonder intelligence bonus plus 1 (minimum 1).
After the two pieces are put in place it takes them 24 hours of continuous wearing before their powers can be exploited.
Removing the items, either from the animal or the bonder reverts the relationship to the previous condition.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, telepathic bond; Cost 8,000 gp

Cheliax RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014 aka FaxCelestis

Here's my self-turndown:

Double Door
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 9th
Slot No slot; Price 75,000 gp; Weight 15 lbs.
Description
This sturdy oak door strangely has hinges and locks on both sides of each face: one set is silver, the other gold. it radiates strong transmutation magic but does not function until hung appropriately.

When hung by the silver hinges in an appropriately-sized doorway, the door opens into an extradimensional space: a 10' by 10' room. The room contains an endless supply of oxygen and is lit from above via several continual flame spells. While unfurnished initially, such rooms are frequently filled with libraries, workshops, or occasionally treasure.

When hung by the gold hinges and opened, the door instead functions as a passwall effect. Unlike the silver hinges, this function does not require an appropriate doorway: rather, it merely must be hung against a wall or other flat surface.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, continual flame, passwall, tiny hut; Cost 37,500 gp

Qadira

Pathfinder Campaign Setting, Companion, Maps, Roleplaying Game, Tales Subscriber

If you never ask, you never receive:

Mantle of Gainful Glamer
Aura moderate evocation; CL 11th
Slot shoulders; Price 2000 gp (lesser), 8000 gp (normal), 16,000 gp (greater); Weight 1 lb.
Description
Appearing as common travelers garb, this cloak is a useful tool for those in the company of an illusionist. Any illusion (glamer) spell can be cast upon the wearer, even spells with a range of personal. The wearer is also considered the caster for all purposes (such as dismissing, duration, etc.) and the spell is extended as though it was cast using the Extend Spell feat. This does not wrest control of the spell from the caster in regards to other targets, though there is rumor of a powerful cloak that does just that.

There are three versions of the mantle, increasing in potency, allowing more powerful spells to be affected.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Extend Spell, imbue with spell ability; Cost 1000 gp (lesser), 4000 gp (normal), 8,000 gp (greater)


Grimoire of Folklore
Aura moderate illusion; CL 9th
Slot -; Price 73,292 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This thick grimoire is bound in luxurious purple-dyed leather and inlaid with gold images of mythical creatures. When held, the pages within the grimoire fill themselves with text and images of local folklore that its possessor learns. The grimoire also grants the possessor a +4 bonus on Knowledge (Local) checks.

Once per day, the possessor of the grimoire can call upon it to create the illusion of a character, creature, or item based on local folklore they have learned. The specific illusion spell cast depends on the amount of information the possessor knows about the subject of the illusion:

Vague knowledge - Minor image
Detailed knowledge - Major image
Expert knowledge - Persistent image

The level of knowledge is based on the highest Knowledge (Local) check the possessor has made toward researching a specific folklore. A DC 10 or higher is considered vague knowledge, a DC 20 or higher is considered detailed knowledge, and a DC 30 or higher is considered expert knowledge.

The grimoire holds a number of folklores equal to the number of pages in the spellbook used to craft it. If a local folklore becomes debunked, such as the “monster” of a town lake proven to be a hoax, the folklore is removed from the grimoire and cannot be used as an illusion. The possessor of the grimoire must learn of the folklore’s debunking for it to be lost from the grimoire.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, persistent image, 8 ranks Knowledge (Local); Cost 36,646 gp

Silver Crusade Star Voter 2013

DerangedArchivist wrote:

I thought the entry would be better received if it did not include the term 'ass milk.'

While your item did not advance, I cannot help but agree that this was a good design choice. Thanks for the chuckle!

Shadow Lodge

James Raine wrote:

Here's my self-turndown:

Double Door
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 9th
Slot No slot; Price 75,000 gp; Weight 15 lbs.
Description
This sturdy oak door strangely has hinges and locks on both sides of each face: one set is silver, the other gold. it radiates strong transmutation magic but does not function until hung appropriately.

When hung by the silver hinges in an appropriately-sized doorway, the door opens into an extradimensional space: a 10' by 10' room. The room contains an endless supply of oxygen and is lit from above via several continual flame spells. While unfurnished initially, such rooms are frequently filled with libraries, workshops, or occasionally treasure.

When hung by the gold hinges and opened, the door instead functions as a passwall effect. Unlike the silver hinges, this function does not require an appropriate doorway: rather, it merely must be hung against a wall or other flat surface.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, continual flame, passwall, tiny hut; Cost 37,500 gp

My worries with the item:

1. Who's going to be carrying a door around with them? Or take the time to affix the door to appropriate places?

2. An infinite-air 10'x10' room sounds like an attempt to make for a safe camp. #22.

3. What happens to the items if someone dispels the door? Brings another extradimensional item like a bag of holding into the room?

4. Once you've successfully used passwall, how do you bring the door with you?

Very good choice for a turn-down.


Joseph Valoren wrote:
RonarsCorruption wrote:


Traveler's Cap
So, this is a hat of disguise that you don't control, and allows you to make knowledge checks. Not really exciting. Add to that that you missed commas in your price, and make a point to call out that it will change based on the gender of the wearer, you have a clear impression of someone who is trying, but hasn't quite hit their stride. Try to veer a little further away from existing items next time.

Okay, I appreciate the fact that you looked at my item, thought about it, and wrote down your impressions for my consideration. Having said that, I can't really take anything helpful away from your thoughts as I both disagree with them completely and feel you've completely missed the point.

No, it is not a hat of disguise that you don't control and allows you to make knowledge checks. Far too much emphasis was placed both by you and the judges on the numeric qualities of the item. It doesn't exist to give a skill buff; the buffs are seasoning, not meat. The item exists as a tool of cultural assimilation. What a hat of disguise does for one's appearance, a traveler's cap does for one's personality, speech, and body language. Making it a hat, and therefore mutually exclusive with its close cousin, was a conscious choice, not an error of cleaving too close to an existing item.

To tell a stranger, based on one (very small) submission that they have not "hit their stride" is supremely arrogant and ill-informed, by the way, and not appreciated. The very best you can say about my professional credentials is that by virtue of having entered this competition I don't have a cover credit on a published gaming book, and that is all. Your credentials do not entitle you to any source of wisdom and authority I couldn't claim, myself.

Joseph,

I understand your feeling - I also did not make the cut and to some degree (initially) I felt the "point" of my submission was missed. But here's the thing - the item you (or anyone else) submit is not in your campaign with your players, with there nuiance and idea of play - the item you submit is relative to all of the other items of that price range in Pthfinder with similar mechanics. The job of the judges is to evaluate the items empirically in the context of other similar items, other submissions, and similar prices, and look at not how your games work - but how they could be abused would be used in any game including those not heavy on story and role play - it really does come down (to some degree) to, "what does this thing do mechanically" - is this developer creative, clear, concise, and innovative within the framework provided - and the judges have to looks at several hundreds of submissions and comment in a tight time frame - they can't really labor over a given submission. There were a lot of items selected that none of my characters would want, and most would never be part of my game, or would simply be sold/donated/destroyed - but that is function of my taste not necessarily a reflection on the quality of the item or the submission.

I hope you'll submit next year and continue to create you're own material.

Silver Crusade Dedicated Voter 2013

Kyr wrote:

Joseph,

I understand your feeling - I also did not make the cut and to some degree (initially) I felt the "point" of my submission was missed. But here's the thing - the item you (or anyone else) submit is not in your campaign with your players, with there nuiance and idea of play - the item you submit is relative to all of the other items of that price range in Pthfinder with similar mechanics. The job of the judges is to evaluate the items empirically in the context of other similar items, other submissions, and similar prices, and look at not how your games work - but how they could be abused would be used in any game including those not heavy on story and role play - it really does come down (to some degree) to, "what does this thing do mechanically" - is this developer creative, clear, concise, and innovative within the framework provided - and the judges have to looks at several hundreds of submissions and comment in a tight time frame - they can't really labor over a given submission. There were a lot of items selected that none of my characters would want, and most would never be part of my game, or would simply be sold/donated/destroyed - but that is function of my taste not necessarily a reflection on the quality of the item or the submission.

I hope you'll submit next year and continue to create you're own material.

I more or less said what you just said in my response to the judges, when they posted their critique of my item. Clearly, the item - or any piece to be incorporated into a game - has to be able to exist autonomously of qualifications, specifications, and narrative unique to the designer. That is apparent. If an element doesn't speak for itself in the space allotted, it's not functionally very useful except to the designer.

On the otra, you can find flaw in anything if you look hard enough. I understand the judges had hundreds of entries to pore over, I just feel some of the potential of my entry was overlooked, and that's a shame, because it's narratively that I believe it has the most power to amaze. I still stand by it, but I'll still be entering next year, if eligible.


Could you please impart to me the journey of the Id Stone among the Judges' chambers? :D. Thank you!


Neil Spicer wrote:
Marc Chin wrote:
Tongue of the Excruciating Impressionist

*No.

*Vote to Reject.

*What the [redacted]...?!

*Reject.

*How is this even a neck slot item?

*Reject.

*Rejected.

Despite not getting any good, useful criticism that I can improve with out of a repetition of "reject", I may have teased a nugget of gold out of this anyways...

...I actually elicited a genuine 'WTF' from one of the judges!

If anything, I'll have that to brag about until next year :-)

*I designated this as a neck slot item because I felt that having it be unslotted would increase its cost unreasonably and it made more sense to me than using a head slot.

Cheliax

Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Here's my 1st attempt in writing anything for a contest.
Anyone and everyone, please give me constructive critiques so I may be able to hone my skills.
Thanks.

The Nefarious Nex Umbra

Aura moderate necromancy; CL 3rd
Slot eyes; Price 14,500 gp; Weight ---

Description
Necromancers of spellcasting societies craft these sinister spectacles. The wearer sees most of the world in black and white. They grant her 60-foot darkvision. Within 30 feet, living things show up in color, dead things show up as pitch black, and harrowing things ”in-between” register as shades of grey. Fragile creatures (those with 3 or fewer hit points left) appear as dark shades of color, while those fighting off death (those with 4 or more hit points) appear as light shades of color. Undead creatures appear fluorescent. Shimmering nimbuses of flame-like energy surround the images of creatures neither alive nor dead (such as constructs). Interpreting these weird perceptions require a DC 15 Knowledge (Arcana) check.

Wearing the Nex Umbra constantly can drive the wearer insane. Each time the wearer puts them on, she must make a DC 15 Will save or be stunned for one round. Wearing them for more than three hours forces a DC 20 Will save or become confused; while wearing them for more than six hours forces a DC 30 Will save or fall in madness.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item; deathwatch, darkvision; Cost 7,250 gp


Joseph Valoren wrote:

Input appreciated.

Traveler's Cap
Aura faint illusion; CL 1st
Slot head; Price 2400gp; Weight
Description
This simple, cloth cap always appears as a hat that is fashionable in the wearer's current location, and is appropriate to the sex of whoever wears it. The owner of this hat enjoys a unique advantage in that wherever she goes, she is perceived by the people of that place as a native, effortlessly blending in with whoever she is in the company of. A traveler's cap disguises a character's skin tone, clothing, voice, and body language, making them mirror those of the majority of people around them, and confers upon the wearer a +2 competency bonus on Bluff and Diplomacy checks where being a local would be advantageous, as well as a +2 competency bonus on Knowledge (local) checks. A traveler's cap allows a character to make a Knowledge (local) check untrained, but it does not confer the ability to speak another language or appear as a different race or sex. A traveler's cap takes its cues from the people around it; it mirrors the norms of the social class and homeland of the majority of people in its vicinity. Favored by spies, diplomats, and some wealthier traveling merchants, a traveler's cap even enables the wearer to pepper their speech with appropriate idioms and have an innate knowledge of rules of local etiquette.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, disguise self, vocal alteration; Cost 1200gp

Being so much like a hat of disguise it should have had a bonus to disguise checks. The item also has to be able to read mind so an extent to know what to make the wearer look like. Detect Thoughts should have been on the spell list for requirements also. The flavor was nice, but the mechanics and originality were off.

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