Where to hide an undestroyable artifact


Advice

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Hide it some place with non-euclidean angles, inside Cthulhu's alarm clock?


hide it in the empty set.

Liberty's Edge

A safety deposit box down at the local bank. Preferably one ran by House K.


Well, look how they got me all tied up. You make a rope out of things that don't exist. So for this you make a bag out of things that don't exist and let the contents disappear inside.

-Magic of Incarnum Min Maxers guide.
-Charlie Sheens self control
-Cheney's heart
-Drizz't Flaws
-Robert Jordan's Editor
-A Goblin's fear of fire
-The bottom of Cayden Cailean's drinking mug.

Liberty's Edge

BigNorseWolf wrote:

Well, look how they got me all tied up. You make a rope out of things that don't exist. So for this you make a bag out of things that don't exist and let the contents disappear inside.

-Magic of Incarnum Min Maxers guide.
-Charlie Sheens self control
-Cheney's heart
-Drizz't Flaws
-Robert Jordan's Editor
-A Goblin's fear of fire
-The bottom of Cayden Cailean's drinking mug.

As an added bonus to this you get a very good guard dog. Just make sure to keep your hands back from its mouth.

Edit: Totally missed your name and your avatar. . . Ya, not the brightest crayon in the box. It'll be okay. . .


James Sutter wrote:
Xum wrote:
The sun.

I used to have a player who, every time there was an artifact or a bad guy or something that needed to be taken care of, would summon a celestial and yell "INTO THE SUN!" and make them teleport the evil whatever straight into the heart of a burning star. (After all, the celestials are selfless, and reform automatically on their home plane....)

While not exactly evil, it made the creatures he summoned a little twitchy.

But we know now that the sun is merely a portal to the positive energy plane, and that it's inhabited by energymentals that aren't really nice.

So you want to give it all to those jerks?

Dark Archive

I read a book once where a magic-nulifying artifact was hidden in the Elemental Plane of Dust. It took undead mining to get it out.

Course the item was a grinder that created anti-magic dust, so the choice was thematic as well as pretty cool.


How about this: You cant destroy the artifact, but you can turn it into something else, specifically someone else. Maybe it becomes a mortal, a very powerful mortal, but mortal still, and with a great lust for life and women. All it´s decendants excell in defending them-selves and have enoumous potential for whatever path in life they choose. The only way to get the artifact, is to kill everyone that shares the bloodline, and performing a special ritual on the last one. This means to get the artifact, one has to essentially kill the most powerful mages, effective assasins and excellent warriors in the lands, maybe the planes (I mean, the bloodline is filled with high-level adventures)
On top of that, the less of these decendants there are, the more powerful the rest becomes (Think the Bhaal-Spawn from the Baldurs Gate PC games)

Liberty's Edge

Mad Beetle wrote:

How about this: You cant destroy the artifact, but you can turn it into something else, specifically someone else. Maybe it becomes a mortal, a very powerful mortal, but mortal still, and with a great lust for life and women. All it´s decendants excell in defending them-selves and have enoumous potential for whatever path in life they choose. The only way to get the artifact, is to kill everyone that shares the bloodline, and performing a special ritual on the last one. This means to get the artifact, one has to essentially kill the most powerful mages, effective assasins and excellent warriors in the lands, maybe the planes (I mean, the bloodline is filled with high-level adventures)

On top of that, the less of these decendants there are, the more powerful the rest becomes (Think the Bhaal-Spawn from the Baldurs Gate PC games)

... And one of them is in the party. (Only do this part if you don't do the "more powerful" thing.)


Am I the only one who gets flashes of talk shows? "I carry an artefact's baby!"


Place the item inside the your left sock and do the laundry. Gone.


Use a slingshot and toss it into the temple of the starstone in Absalom.

If someone retrieves it, they will deserve to have it.


TarkXT wrote:

You know what. Screw it. Hide it inside a concept. A literal concept. Watch people search for somethign literal when you actually put it inside the color yellow, or mortality, or in the idea of a right angle.

Welcome to planescape. S~*& gets weird yo.

Reminds me of the Hooloovoo, a superinteligent shade of the color blue.

Come to think of it, a god could transmute the artifact into a color.


Why would you have a DVD copy of Highlander 2 in a RPG?

Scarab Sages

fictionfan wrote:

I am DMing in the planescape universe. I am having an artifact the can kill gods. It is completely indestructible. Because they could not destroy it the gods did the next best thing and hide it. Where do you hide something you never what to be found?

I have already thought of the plane of negative energy, but there are people of a sort there.

I would put it in the possession of Torag, who keeps it inside his throne in Heaven. He has sworn an oath before all the good aligned gods to never use this weapon save by unanimous decision of all the good aligned gods, and to never permit its usage by another.


Psisquared wrote:
Or put it in a secret chest (as per the spell) and forget about it so it becomes lost in the ethereal plane.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

This a thousand times!

Scarab Sages

meatrace wrote:
Psisquared wrote:
Or put it in a secret chest (as per the spell) and forget about it so it becomes lost in the ethereal plane.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

This a thousand times!

Anything that is lost will eventually be found.

It may take eons, but eventually, it will be found.


StabbittyDoom wrote:
Mad Beetle wrote:

How about this: You cant destroy the artifact, but you can turn it into something else, specifically someone else. Maybe it becomes a mortal, a very powerful mortal, but mortal still, and with a great lust for life and women. All it´s decendants excell in defending them-selves and have enoumous potential for whatever path in life they choose. The only way to get the artifact, is to kill everyone that shares the bloodline, and performing a special ritual on the last one. This means to get the artifact, one has to essentially kill the most powerful mages, effective assasins and excellent warriors in the lands, maybe the planes (I mean, the bloodline is filled with high-level adventures)

On top of that, the less of these decendants there are, the more powerful the rest becomes (Think the Bhaal-Spawn from the Baldurs Gate PC games)
... And one of them is in the party. (Only do this part if you don't do the "more powerful" thing.)

This, right here, is my favorite idea. What an excellent way to wrap up a campaign!


Sean FitzSimon wrote:
StabbittyDoom wrote:
Mad Beetle wrote:

How about this: You cant destroy the artifact, but you can turn it into something else, specifically someone else. Maybe it becomes a mortal, a very powerful mortal, but mortal still, and with a great lust for life and women. All it´s decendants excell in defending them-selves and have enoumous potential for whatever path in life they choose. The only way to get the artifact, is to kill everyone that shares the bloodline, and performing a special ritual on the last one. This means to get the artifact, one has to essentially kill the most powerful mages, effective assasins and excellent warriors in the lands, maybe the planes (I mean, the bloodline is filled with high-level adventures)

On top of that, the less of these decendants there are, the more powerful the rest becomes (Think the Bhaal-Spawn from the Baldurs Gate PC games)
... And one of them is in the party. (Only do this part if you don't do the "more powerful" thing.)
This, right here, is my favorite idea. What an excellent way to wrap up a campaign!

+1. That will do it!

Liberty's Edge

BigNorseWolf wrote:

Put artifact in left sock

Put left sock in dryer.

Seriously, do even gods know where these left socks go?

The left socks are murdering the right socks and taking their place...the perfect crime.


Artanthos wrote:
meatrace wrote:
Psisquared wrote:
Or put it in a secret chest (as per the spell) and forget about it so it becomes lost in the ethereal plane.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

This a thousand times!

Anything that is lost will eventually be found.

It may take eons, but eventually, it will be found.

Point being? It's nonetheless hidden, however eventual its finding may be, which was the OP's question.

:)


Malafaxous wrote:
Place the item inside the your left sock and do the laundry. Gone.

two votes for left sock do not a right sock make.

Scarab Sages

meatrace wrote:

[

Point being? It's nonetheless hidden, however eventual its finding may be, which was the OP's question.

:)

There is also a chance, however small, that it will be found tomorrow, by someone / something else who is also lost in the ethereal plane.

Do you really want to take the chance?

Scarab Sages

Mad Beetle wrote:

How about this: You cant destroy the artifact, but you can turn it into something else, specifically someone else. Maybe it becomes a mortal, a very powerful mortal, but mortal still, and with a great lust for life and women. All it´s decendants excell in defending them-selves and have enoumous potential for whatever path in life they choose. The only way to get the artifact, is to kill everyone that shares the bloodline, and performing a special ritual on the last one. This means to get the artifact, one has to essentially kill the most powerful mages, effective assasins and excellent warriors in the lands, maybe the planes (I mean, the bloodline is filled with high-level adventures)

On top of that, the less of these decendants there are, the more powerful the rest becomes (Think the Bhaal-Spawn from the Baldurs Gate PC games)

For a plot to wrap up a campaign, this is the best idea so far. Especially the part about one of these descendants being a party member.


Bottom of the Endless Staircase.
On a plane/world with no magic. (Earth? Gives you reason to use those firearms rules.)
On an infinite plane, being flown off by a non-intelligent construct.

Other questions arise too, such as if people can identify it (not the spell) or if it can be dismantled (not broken) or who can use it.
If only gods can identify or use it, put it a place anathema to gods (Far Realms).
If it can be dismantled, have watchers over each. If some go missing, RED ALERT across the planes.
If demons (et al.) can't use it, hurtle it into the Abyss or one of those many endless pits.
Carceron, in a place gods can't escape, perhaps chained to a Titan God-Killer who's trapped. (Of course, if he can use it, and then gets rescued...)


Drop it in a black hole. Behind the event horizon is a singularity where the normal laws of the universe break down, and so you can't rely on magic or other forces to work the way you want them to work.


Caedwyr wrote:
Drop it in a black hole. Behind the event horizon is a singularity where the normal laws of the universe break down, and so you can't rely on magic or other forces to work the way you want them to work.

That is too easy a solution.


cast permanacy and teleport 4 times so the artifact is always in a state of constant teleport state like doomsday


I have to say I like the plane without magic idea best. Not only does it keep the thing safe it works as a trap for people that want to kill gods.

The thing is I am DMing. So if I hide it perfectly it will never become part of the story. So I need a way for the PC's to get it that no one has managed ever.

The Exchange

In plain sight.. with tons of guards. Well that is the decoy anyway. The real one is in a small bag in a side room.

Or just have the tarasque swallow it. Of course you have to keep an eye out every thousand years or so for when it passed through it.


ratlord wrote:
When faced with a similar quandry the party I was running for hid the evil artifact in the privy. No-one ever looked for it there.

You have obviously never gamed with Harmor. He will jump into a cesspool of filth in order to get to a magical turd...lol!!

The Exchange

I know that there was a module where a big magic item was in fact at the bottom of the privy. Can't recall which one though.


lets see... mcguffin dispersal method.

Inside the concept of honor- that it may never appear till all loyalties are sundered.
Pro: Poetic and Epic
Con: May involve a mass genocide of Paladins. Could be a pro depending on the campagin

Implanted in the Flesh of the Tarrasque- so that it is trapped in an immortal, mobile, regenerating prison
Pro: Its the Tarrasque!
Con: Everyone knows the Tarrasque

Guarded By Achaekek- Already a slayer of God-killers
Pro: Will not slay the gods. Is statted, has ready-made cult
Con: Still a big guard strategy, mitigated by how the Mantis god can cross planes, and has a cult to oppose the party.

Inside the Tomb of Horrors- or similar dungeon (Ward heavily)
Pro: Classic Dungeoneering challenge.
Con: Conversions of the tomb lack punch. Veterans may already be familiar with it.

Thrown into a Sphere of Anihilation
Pro: If it still exists, who's gonna go in after it? The sphere can move!
Con: Moving the sphere cannot be allowed to free the artifact. Also, rods of cancelation.

Warded in plain sight.
Use Modify Memory, Obscure Object and Polymorph. Make it so it is a plain, un divinable item that makes you forget its existence should you find it.
Pro: Can be wherever the plot leads it
Con: Odd, and presents no slayables in itself


In the core of the planet I wonder where you cannot survive the pressure.


I once hid an artifact in a person as well. Only it was a strange island where the inhabitants were all small children made ridiculously naive and a series of nearly unbeatable guards set to protect them. It was a perfect place and had been uninterrupted for thousands of years as had the children and the guards. One of the girls was the shell that possessed the artifact and to get it she had to be slain which would destroy her forever. This led to some moral issues that got to be played out. It was pretty fun, though I wish had introduced the island earlier in the campaign and the had them realize later "Wow we were so close to it". The girl wasn't any more or less special than the other children and the guards could be almost anything.


BigNorseWolf wrote:

Put artifact in left sock

Put left sock in dryer.

Seriously, do even gods know where these left socks go?

So that is what the f!$$ happened to my left sock. That was my left sock of God Slaying. And you had to put it in the dryer, DESPITE it saying "Hand Wash ONLY!!!" ~snarls and walks off wondering where left socks go when they are put in the dryer~


Deep within the Blindeyes of an Innocent child that is both bless and cursed to always reincarnate after death unless the item is removed with the proper ritual :) that the child must be tricked into performing


Other suggestions:

- Hide it in the Demiplane of Wangst and Mary Sues. Or, as I like to call it, Ravenloft. The Twilight universe in a Spelljammer campaign works too.

- In the hands of a level 1 chicken-infested commoner dual wielding component pouches with the divine guardian template. Good luck getting that artifact, suckers!

- Better yet, make the artifact simply an indestructible 10' adamantine pole with no other features. Its god-killing power is accessed only when...math time...9,835,584 commoners stand in a circle and use a move action to pass the pole along to the next, then when the pole comes around again convert their standard action to a move and pass it again. The last commoner to hold the pole uses their 5' step to aim at the god and drops the pole. That's, uhh...more math time...1.63 petajoules (if I have my math right), or the equivalent of 389 kilotons of TNT, to the face. That'll kill a god.

- Going along with another poster's idea with making the artifact a family of people: they're kender.

- Hiding the artifact in a concept: that concept is Japanese adult videos. Better start warming up that sanity mechanic.

- Hide it in the demiplane of breasts. Guaranteed the PC's will forget about the artifact in nanoseconds.

- To the poster who suggested hiding the artifact in a black hole: make the black hole the artifact!

- The artifact is actually the Higgs boson.

- To use the artifact, the wielder must get it on with Baalzebul. Baalzebul does not know about this requirement.

- Or alternative, since this is Planescape we're talking about, the wielder must watch every episode of Two and a Half Men contiguously to attune the artifact to themselves. Or just kick the Lady of Pain in the squishy bits and run away giggling, same end result.


take it to the center of the Outlands


SIMPLE

Put it into a Sphere of Annihilation - it won't be destroyed, but just WHO is going to put a hand/tentacle/minion retriever into there are pull it out - never mind have any kind of sense or appendage left to feel around and grab it?

Hell - could any appendage be LONG enough to find the 'edges' of the hole even if it wasn't destroyed?

THEN send the Sphere into the furthest Outer Planes and fire it off at high speed towards the biggest, blackest, mind-warping expanse you can find BEYOND those.

'They' will never find it, and 'they' will never be able to get it out even if they do.

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