If so, you've got a decent head start on a restaurant there.
An alchemical simulacrum, when killed, leaves behind inert flesh rather than a corpse.
Is that flesh edible? I'm imagining making simulacrum of a large, normally expensive, but relatively low HD creature, killing it and using the flesh as cheap food.
Doable?
Well, of course they're edible. They're made out of flesh. That stuff is edible.
I can't help but notice, though, that this will cost you 100gp per HD of the critter. That's a lot of dough. For 100 gil, you'll get 33 pigs. If we assume that such a pig weighs 150 pounds, we'll get about 2.5 short tons worth of animal out of our 100 eagles.
Let's compare things: A brachiosaurus has 18 HD and weighs 32 tons. 1800 gil worth of pigs would be 45 tons of critter.
And that's the good stuff, the bio stuff, the stuff literally not grown in a lab.
And that's the good stuff, the bio stuff, the stuff literally not grown in a lab.
Have you seen the latest two episodes of Doctor Who? I'd imagine they're like that.
I can't help but notice, though, that this will cost you 100gp per HD of the critter. That's a lot of dough. For 100 gil, you'll get 33 pigs. If we assume that such a pig weighs 150 pounds, we'll get about 2.5 short tons worth of animal out of our 100 eagles.
Let's compare things: A brachiosaurus has 18 HD and weighs 32 tons. 1800 gil worth of pigs would be 45 tons of critter.
So we have to find to something with HD-to-weight ratio better than 2.5 short ton per HD.
And there is a catch that if 100 gp of reagents for the spell weight less than 2.5 short tons of pigs and food to sustain them for a time it is sensible (if costly) way of providing food for your army on extended campaign from logistic point of view.
Stone to flesh still would be cheaper way to feed your army if you can afford large number of 6th level sorcerer/wizard slots per day... Damn, I just got idea for 11th+ level Sorcerer with Profession [butcher] and Craft/Profession [cooking] skills that makes his living as royal meat provider extraordinary.
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Stone to flesh still would be cheaper way to feed your army if you can afford large number of 6th level sorcerer/wizard slots per day... Damn, I just got idea for 11th+ level Sorcerer with Profession [butcher] and Craft/Profession [cooking] skills that makes his living as royal meat provider extraordinary.
If nothing else he'll be really good at squeezing blood from a stone...
Whatchoo got against labmeat?
And that's the good stuff, the bio stuff, the stuff literally not grown in a lab.
Maybe it's just my undying hatred of vegans, but I think meat tastes better when the critter suffered for it ;-P
So make sure that your labmeat is also available in suffering...
Stone to flesh still would be cheaper way to feed your army
I have a better idea: Soylent Green.
That or the create food and drink spell. 5th-level clerics can use that, and higher-level clerics could use it several time.
The spell feeds at least 15 people (or 5 horses) for a whole day.
And I'm sure the soldiers will be more than willing to give up part of their pay if that gold is used to research more efficient versions of that spell, if the only alternatives seem to be alchemically growing weird critters as cattle or transforming stone to flesh to eat.
Seriously. That labosaur eating thing is weird enough - at least it seems to be an actual animal at some point - but turning rocks into.... "flesh". What, exactly, is that stuff? Sounds like the description of some really, really cheap food product. The stuff where you hope never to find out what you just ate. The stuff you only ever consider if the alternative is starving (and even then it's not a foregone conclusion that you'll eat).
I tell you this: As soon as any nation uses either Alchemeat(TM) or Soylent Grey(TM) for their military's rations, I'm going to buy myself some pigs and chickens, hire a few field cooks and then stage what will be known as the most successful military coop!
It will be awesome. I'll just address the enemy's army, tell them that if they swear allegiance to me now, I'll feed them proper food, and they'll fall over themselves putting their rulers and nobles to the sword! Or maybe make them eat those rations until they die of sheer disgust.
In fact, I bet that's how Aroden died!
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Seriously. That labosaur eating thing is weird enough - at least it seems to be an actual animal at some point - but turning rocks into.... "flesh". What, exactly, is that stuff? Sounds like the description of some really, really cheap food product.
Can't be worse than sausage! Grind it up, and nobody needs to know the provenance...
Or maybe it's all conjured from the Elemental Plane of Meat.
I love how we can have a serious conversation about feeding an army with rocks...
Anyway, I know the Cleric spell is better but for the purposes of this army there are only alchemists available. It's a game world thing.
Oh and Bards as well.
Basically I need to find a way to feed an army that eats primarily meat without loading it down with a baggage train.
Uhm, loot the battlefield after a fight? If you lose, you have other things to worry about. If you win, there's a lot of, ahem, meat left behind.
Second option... reanimators! No need for a baggage train at all. ;)
I love how we can have a serious conversation about feeding an army with rocks...
Anyway, I know the Cleric spell is better but for the purposes of this army there are only alchemists available. It's a game world thing.
Oh and Bards as well.
Basically I need to find a way to feed an army that eats primarily meat without loading it down with a baggage train.
Well, rather than icky alchemical meat, I would recommend a few of the following:
Use animals to run the seige engines, and eat those. (Mmm.. Elephant!)
Gentle Repose the corpses of things? (I know, it's Wizard and Cleric, but still...)
Do the old-style low-tech thing of putting a huge block of ice (or other alchemically cold thing) into a container (eg - Bag of Holding, cooler edition) -- or just splurge and make an item that does both already?
Seriously. That labosaur eating thing is weird enough - at least it seems to be an actual animal at some point - but turning rocks into.... "flesh". What, exactly, is that stuff? Sounds like the description of some really, really cheap food product.Can't be worse than sausage! Grind it up, and nobody needs to know the provenance...
Or maybe it's all conjured from the Elemental Plane of Meat.
+1 for the elemental plane of meat
Don't forget the new Restore Corpse spell + Purify Food and Drink cantrip.
Skeleton of cow + Restore Corpse = rotten meat + cantrip = Food + skeleton.. repeat repeat.
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Don't forget the new Restore Corpse spell + Purify Food and Drink cantrip.
Skeleton of cow + Restore Corpse = rotten meat + cantrip = Food + skeleton.. repeat repeat.
My first thought is, wow, that's horrific.
And then I remembered that Thor eats his chariot-pulling goats every night, and leaves the bones, so that they regenerate back to life the next morning, so it's a 2500 year old idea...
+2 for elemental plane of meat. I laughed till my side split.
If it's that big an issue, you should probably approach your GM asking to research a brand-new infusion of your own design, intended to simulate the old 3rd-ed psionic power sustenance: either that or modify your bombs so they explode in a burst of ham.
Love the hambomb idea.