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Best one-liner that made the whole table laugh?


Gamer Talk

1,301 to 1,344 of 1,344 << first < prev | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | next > last >>

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My God, we're all lunatics here. But it's a full moon tonight, so it's okay. :)


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John Napier 698 wrote:
My God, we're all lunatics here. But it's a full moon tonight, so it's okay. :)

My level of insanity has been proved as not related to the phases of the Moon.

And I cannot rhyme in English, so I cannot be part of the Disjunction Junction fun.
Curse you, language barriers!
Disclsimer: I've never said I was able to rhyme in any other language either.


Kileanna wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:
My God, we're all lunatics here. But it's a full moon tonight, so it's okay. :)

My level of insanity has been proved as not related to the phases of the Moon.

And I cannot rhyme in English, so I cannot be part of the Disjunction Junction fun.
Curse you, language barriers!
Disclsimer: I've never said I was able to rhyme in any other language either.

Out of curiosity, what is your native language?


John Napier 698 wrote:
Kileanna wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:
My God, we're all lunatics here. But it's a full moon tonight, so it's okay. :)

My level of insanity has been proved as not related to the phases of the Moon.

And I cannot rhyme in English, so I cannot be part of the Disjunction Junction fun.
Curse you, language barriers!
Disclsimer: I've never said I was able to rhyme in any other language either.
Out of curiosity, what is your native language?

Spanish. I should say Galician too, but I hardly ever speak it. I find myself speaking in English more often than in Galician.


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I took two years of Spanish in High School, but was never able to use any of it. When I enlisted, the Army sent me to Germany. Go figure. :)


Most germans know a bit of English at least. Not like us, Spaniards, our educational system is flawed regarding to languages.


My High School had French, German, and Spanish. English and German are related languages, so this doesn't surprise me. I just did something fun. I dared "The Crawling Headache" on "The Monkey' Treefort" into giving me a headache. Then I laughed at him. :) :O :) *This is me laughing, by the way*


Back on topic please.
This is one-liners that made tables laugh, not what Language is used where.


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My apologies.

Other player, playing a half-red Dragon: *uses breath weapon*
Me: "I told you to stay from the chili peppers."


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Kileanna wrote:
Most germans know a bit of English at least. Not like us, Spaniards, our educational system is flawed regarding to languages.

Probably not as bad as ours here in the US of A is.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32

6 people marked this as a favorite.
Kileanna wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:
My God, we're all lunatics here. But it's a full moon tonight, so it's okay. :)

My level of insanity has been proved as not related to the phases of the Moon.

And I cannot rhyme in English, so I cannot be part of the Disjunction Junction fun.
Curse you, language barriers!
Disclsimer: I've never said I was able to rhyme in any other language either.

"Stop rhyming, I mean it!"

"Does anyone want a pistachio?"


1 person marked this as a favorite.
DungeonmasterCal wrote:
Kileanna wrote:
Most germans know a bit of English at least. Not like us, Spaniards, our educational system is flawed regarding to languages.
Probably not as bad as ours here in the US of A is.

I can't complain, as we have good public schools and education is mostly free. But we still have a lot to improve if we want to be like other European countries.

Most spaniards can't say more than a few words in a foreign language, even if English is a compulsory subject, as languages are poorly taught.
I've studied English for many years, but sometimes I feel like I've learned more reading books, watching movies/series and reading/writing stuff on the internet than I have learned in class.

SmiloDan wrote:
Kileanna wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:
My God, we're all lunatics here. But it's a full moon tonight, so it's okay. :)

My level of insanity has been proved as not related to the phases of the Moon.

And I cannot rhyme in English, so I cannot be part of the Disjunction Junction fun.
Curse you, language barriers!
Disclsimer: I've never said I was able to rhyme in any other language either.

"Stop rhyming, I mean it!"

"Does anyone want a pistachio?"

I can think of many words to rhyme pistachio, all of them in Spanish so back to what I was saying...

Curse you, language barriers!

P.S. Back to things I cannot do, there's another thing: staying on topic.


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Kileanna wrote:
Most germans know a bit of English at least. Not like us, Spaniards, our educational system is flawed regarding to languages.

Latin America's pretty good about it, though. Most Chileans I met spoke at least a little bit of English, which is lucky, because Chilean Spanish is notoriously difficult to understand. They speak fast and they don't got time for no esses.

Scarab Sages

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I could start writing all my posts in Chinese, but the humor doesn't translate well. ;-)

From yesterday's Pathfinder session:
The party had just destroyed a construct that attacked them. It was the bloodrager's adamantine flail that made the final blow.
The monk decides to pick up one of the construct's broken legs.
GM: "It has a size 32 foot!"
Shaman: "OMG, look under that kilt!"
Bloodrager: "I shattered it. You're welcome."


Dire Elf wrote:
I could start writing all my posts in Chinese, but the humor doesn't translate well.

I know. I've read «Hideous Laughter» description.

Most of the quotes I could post here don't translate well into English.


My entire gaming group was sick this weekend so we had no funny gaming quotes, unless you count sneezing and coughing and nose blowing as funny.


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Breaking my tradition of thread derailing, today I'm bringing something on topic.

Two of the PCs from my S&S game (sorceress and bard) had been looting a nobleman's mansion that they found empty. Being nice pirates, they wanted to share their booty with the other PCs.
Remember this aquatic sorcerer called «Mom» who summoned mad sea monkeys in the previous posts? They got him a fancy pair of trousers. He didn't know where the two girls had been, only that they had teleported away and now they were giving him a pair of trousers.
This character is sort of the comic relief of the group, as everybody loves picking on him.
So he gave a suspicious look to the trousers and asked what was wrong with them.
«Nothing, we just wanted to be nice to you»
«Come on! What have you done to this trousers?»
«Nothing, really!»
«Have you looted them from a corpse? I don't want to wear the trousers of a dead man.»
«Don't be silly. Almost everything we are wearing has been looted from a corpse! But not this trousers.»
The sorcerer is still suspicious, so he says: «I cast detect magic on my new trousers»
I can't blame him. These people put nettles on a cyclops' ass.

RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16

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"Does this person count as 'an area of softened earth, mud, or stone'?"

"....if you jump on them, no, you're still taking regular falling damage."


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In my S&S game:
Cleric: «That's gonna hurt as much as grappling a succubus»
Bard: «Or being grappled by one»
Sorceress: «What's so special about a succubus in a grapple?»
Bard: (wicked grin) «Oh, I'll tell you later»
Sorceress: «It has something to do with sex, doesn't it?»

It is taking over my games! Help!

A common joke made by my S&S players: «Don't drink too much rum! It could kill you!»
As a pun to the Rum Rations mechanics from Book 1.


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Party rogue was captured by a female orc and was going to be...Snu Snu'd, for best description...By her.

"I slight of hand my wand of grease. I'm going to need it."


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"Come friends, to battle against impossible odds! The strong taste death, but never defeat!"

"What about the weak and quick to flee? What do they taste?"

"Some sort of poultry dish, I assume."


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From this weekend's Cyberpunk game:

"Never in my entire gaming career did I ever imagine that I'd be saying in-character 'I have not signed any waivers!'."

The moral of the story being that no plan survives an encounter with a flash-mob action movie film crew.


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«We have to be together, I'm going with you»
«I might fail»
«We'll fail together»
«Uh... Then I'm not going!»

The best motivational words: «We'll fail together».


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We got caught in an ambush and just barely fought free and ended up falling back to a castle to regroup/recover at which point we ended the session.
At the next game the GM is doing a recap and comes to that we "retreated to the castle" At which point one of the players come out of the kitchen with a pint of beer in his hand and claims that we did not retreat. He places his beer on the table and then proceeds to give a version of the battle which ends with us marching victoriously into the castle to the cheering of crowds. After a few prompts the player also adds in swooning virgins and the ringing of bells.

The host stares at him for a moment then reaches across the table and takes the beer.


Curious wrote:

We got caught in an ambush and just barely fought free and ended up falling back to a castle to regroup/recover at which point we ended the session.

At the next game the GM is doing a recap and comes to that we "retreated to the castle" At which point one of the players come out of the kitchen with a pint of beer in his hand and claims that we did not retreat. He places his beer on the table and then proceeds to give a version of the battle which ends with us marching victoriously into the castle to the cheering of crowds. After a few prompts the player also adds in swooning virgins and the ringing of bells.

The host stares at him for a moment then reaches across the table and takes the beer.

Ahh, the bravery of alcohol. :)

Shadow Lodge

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Female 16 year old PC, refering to Erastil as "The Old Horny God" last session.


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Our GM forgot that our cleric was flying 20' up and tried to make an attack roll from a wight on the ground. Our cleric responded, "He can't attack me. I'm 20' in the air. Not unless he can jump."

Naturally I said, "Wight men can't jump".


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We play a weird mashup of Vampire: The Masquerade and d20 Call of Cthulhu in which the players are vampires fighting both Nazis and the creatures of the Mythos in WWII. Last night we encountered a bunch of Nazis, and Dave, trying to use the power "Control the Wearied Mind" on one was trying to make it stop trying to kill him. Not speaking any German in real life, Dave says "Halt!" Then pauses for a moment and asks the room, knowing many of us had taken German in college, asks, "By the way, what is the German world for 'Halt'"? We all shouted "Halt!" and he then asks why does he have to stop? It took a minute to convince him that "Halt!" in English means the same as "Halt!" in German. The room was in hysterics. Dave was confused.


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Confident? We got a dog with rabies and a squid on a couch!


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In the same game mentioned above, we learned the name of our new nemesis, Colonel Werner von Hammerzeit. I still can't say it without giggling.


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Well Cal, seems I can't either ::giggles like school girl::


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That Colonel is the one that should be yelling, "Halt!"


In real life, my German professor in college was named Gutzeit.

Dark Archive

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Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Legends Subscriber; Pathfinder Tales Subscriber

Someone had to roll 3d6 - I don't remember why. The roll came up 3, 3, and 3. My halfling screamed "Aaaaaaaggggggghhhhhh run for you lives- its the number of the beast!"


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Just happened to me in the game that just ended. We were attacking a bandit lair, but the bandits kicked over a table to get in better cover against ranged attacks. However I realize this is a chance, not a hindrance.

Me: "I charge at the table, trying to slam it on them."

*Rolls 18+4 STR check*
*1d6+STR damage with max roll and they're all prone*

Me: "You didn't provide yourselves cover, you provided me a bigger weapon to hit you with"


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We run a Mythic campaign, with the average Tier being about 4th. Last night they were fighting a Mother of Oblivion and one of the fighters was winding up to attack it. They were getting their butts handed to them and she said, "OMG, I hope I hit this thing!"

The party Psionicist shoots back, "Yeah, don't mythic!".


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In my last Skull and Shackles session:
Cleric: «His plan would have been screwed before time»
Bard: «So he wanted to have his plan screwed at the right time?»

Scarab Sages

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Today's humor:

Our shaman was originally a gardener on a nobleman's estate. He was initially uncomfortable and timid about using a weapon. As we prepare to face some demons, the bloodrager suggests that the shaman use a morningstar he recently acquired.
GM: "you get the feeling that fighting with that" - eyes the shaman - "not necessarily effectively..."
Shaman: "Hey, I've been fighting with my eyes open for at least a level now!"

The shaman's spirit animal is a monkey.
GM to shaman: "Your monkey dives into your pack."
Bloodrager: "And then something wet trickles down your back!"
Shaman: "My soup!"
GM: "Is it split pee?"

The inquisitor is having a bad day. He's failed two saving throws and a demon just critted him using a x4 scythe.
Inquisitor (enthusiastically): "I'm dancing in my own blood!"

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32

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Dire Elf wrote:


The inquisitor is having a bad day. He's failed two saving throws and a demon just critted him using a x4 scythe.
Inquisitor (enthusiastically): "I'm dancing in my own blood!"

Proms are the worst.

Scarab Sages

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Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Party Necromancer sends in the skeletons.
Bard: THIS.... IS..... SPINAL TAP!

Paladin: before we let you join our team, tell me about your hobbies?
Necromancer: Scrimshaw, chess, Practical combat clothing that also shows off my very, very ample and very pale décolletage...
Rogue and Arcanist simultaneously: We'll take her.

Necromancer: Skeletons are a very efficient use for all these swords and pieces of armor we keep just finding on dead people!


Baron Iveagh wrote:

Party Necromancer sends in the skeletons.

Bard: THIS.... IS..... SPINAL TAP!

Paladin: before we let you join our team, tell me about your hobbies?
Necromancer: Scrimshaw, chess, Practical combat clothing that also shows off my very, very ample and very pale décolletage...
Rogue and Arcanist simultaneously: We'll take her.

Necromancer: Skeletons are a very efficient use for all these swords and pieces of armor we keep just finding on dead people!

Ah-ha-ha-ha! :)

Contributor

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In Kingmaker, we're far enough along that we're running the kingdom, but we also still get wanderlust and venture out to have adventures from time to time.

We come across an NPC who, of course, needs our help with something.

Me: "Can we tell him we'll help him if he brings us a troll for the troll blood quest? I mean, there's no reason why we can't send THEM on quests too, right??"

--

GM: Your reward is 400xp each for accomplishing the objective, plus your kingdom gets +2 loyalty.
Player 1: "They're not giving us any gold as reward?"
Player 2: "When they give us gold, it's called taxes."

Sovereign Court

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DungeonmasterCal wrote:

We run a Mythic campaign, with the average Tier being about 4th. Last night they were fighting a Mother of Oblivion and one of the fighters was winding up to attack it. They were getting their butts handed to them and she said, "OMG, I hope I hit this thing!"

The party Psionicist shoots back, "Yeah, don't mythic!".

yeah... in a game long ago, we were getting clobbered and one of the players pointed out that he had feats that improved his speed.... the signal to break and run?

"Feats, don't fail me now!"


That's awesome... LOL

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