Corrupt the Wish


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Sure. Your new phone is full of songs you like/love/want to marry and have their babies. Unfortunately, it ran away with your best friend and you are stuck going back to your old phone.

I wish these asshats would leave my lobby.


The [should be redacted] leave "my lobby," and then proceed to enter your lobby.

I wish my Skulking Slayer/Scout Rogue was level 3 or higher.


Hmm...I assumed it would have been filtered. Guess not. Plus, they left right after I posted.

Your rogue thingy is now level 20! But the campaign is not intended for characters of that level, so you have to retire it and make something else.

I wish I wasn't so freaking tired.


You're no longer freaking tired...instead you're tired of freaking. You resolve to never again do so as long as you live.

I wish my wife was home from Germany.


Your wife comes home, but with a foreign strain of pink eye that our antibiotic strains don't help much with. She and you are afflicted with the itchies for several days before the infection goes away, and it totally deflates any thought of romance.

I wish my retinitis pigmantosa would go away.


Feh, I overcome my sympathy to grant you your wish. You now shoot laser beams out of your friggin' eyes! Like Cyclops! I guess that wasn't corrupted at all...

I wish I could stop feeling faint.


ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, you don't feel it when you faint while sleeping.

I wish my printer didn't run out of ink so quickly.


Your ink runs out slowly, all over your floor.

I wish I could focus.


Granted. You can now focus on things of lightly fuchsia in color, nothing else.

I wish could eat fish.

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16

Your wish is granted, kittycat!

I wish electronic devices came with cheap, safe, micronized, clean, internal hydrogen fusion power plants that produced an effectively unlimited power supply. Seriously I hate it when my phone or laptop runs out of juice.


Your wish is my command! Your laptop is now full of juice, orange juice.

I wish my cellphone only needed to be charged once a week.


Easily done. It only needs charged once per week...for 167.5 hours.

I wish my Wednesday Pathfinder game hadn't ended.


It hasn't ended-- they just stopped inviting you.

I wish I could play Pathfinder for a living.


Granted! You play Pathfinder while you're on the clock at work and get yourself fired.

I wish it would rain sometime already! This drought is killing me!


Do I really have to say it? Flood.

I wish I could have more control.


Granted! You don't wet yourself nearly as often as you used to.

I wish the political campaigns would be a lot less negative.


Granted, from now on the candidates spend all their campaign money telling us how great their opponent is.

I wish the voices in my head had given me a better line than that.


They do, but then they don't tell you and demand 25% control of your bodily functions (notably the hands.)

I wish the Minecraft servers weren't broken.


They're not broken, they just went out of business.

I wish I could go see Bourne Legacy tonight.


You have more than enough time and money to go see it. Sadly, it stays noon for the rest of the day. Eventually, it causes the Earth to overheat, my car to become a Death Oven, and we all are forced to move into the ground and be mole people. Subsequently, the movie theatres are shut down.

I wish I actually had thought of something better.


You had thought of something better. You just had to contend with the summoned demon that then stole the idea and modified your memory so you don't know what it was.

I wish the garage door would work again.


Only on Tuesdays, only on Tuesdays.

I wish I knew what I forgot (gee thanks trout)


You forgot to tell me that I would go to the movie and fall asleep and miss the whole thing.

I wish I Had better weather today.


You have a circle of awesome weather around you. Even as it rains outside, there's a small halo of sunshine that always hits you, and you stay at a constant, comfortable 72 degrees Fahrenheit, but this phenomenon intrigues the feds, and you get captured and experimented on under the accusation of terrorism.

I wish the Patriot Act had a more appropriate name.


It is renamed the Under Suspicion Act. Under Suspicion (the movie) becomes required viewing for all Americans under threat of deportation.

I wish I could find Fate: The Cursed King for less than $20.

The Exchange

WISH GRANTED! (remember when we used to do that alot?)

In 20 years, you find a copy of it for $5.99! Unfortunately, no system can run it.

I wish I had internet no matter where I went.


You become the internet. The resulting fusion of thousands of petabytes and you causes you to explode. Now there is internet everywh-DARNIT YOU GOT INTERNET IN MY CEREAL!!! Oh geez, stay out of my Froot Loops, Kitty Headcrab.

I wish I had a different kind of material for my car seats instead of leather.

The Exchange

You car seats are now made of Human Skin and Necromancers think you're the Bombdiggity, now.

I wish Hotel Breakfasts tasted better.


They become the most amazing things you've ever placed in your mouth, but they're no longer complimentary.

I wish my mother's dog would eat his breakfast in her absence. I worry about him.

The Exchange

Your mother's dog eats in her absence, and out of her absence, and while he sleeps, and while he weeps. He eats when he is near a fox, and when he is near a box. He eats here or there, so much that he is now fat. You continue to worry about him purely because he is now fat.

I wish I was better at rhyming my words. It would make playing a bard a bit more interesting.


Granted! From now on you are incapable of saying any word that doesn't rhyme with the last word you just said. Too bad there aren't more words that rhyme with "interesting."

I wish to have great success in the new job I'm starting on Wednesday.

The Exchange

You have so much success with the new job that a mysterious group of assassins have decided to take you out before you be so successful that you take over the world.

I wish onions tasted better.


Your wish is granted. Everything else now tastes worse than onions.

I wish my neighbors upstairs would stop smoking in their apartment, which makes my apartment smell like cigarettes.


I'm going to have it passively granted: You get fed up with them, and proceed to create a IFO. You then beam them up, and send them to Mars with Curiosity. You never have to worry about them again... Except now your neighbors are HEAVY drinkers, and the place smells even worse.

Spoiler:
IFO=Identified Flying Object. I can't have it be a UFO, you'd be the one making it, and probably naming it.

Cuddles:
Interesting isn't too bad. It's Silver and Orange that's going to ruin your day... Oh sheesh, as a bard, it's going to be near IMPOSSIBLE to ask for a silver weapon if you always rhyme...

I wish either Torchlight 2 or Borderlands 2 was already out. (Just to point it out, they already finished making Borderlands 2. It's just shipping and whatnot.)

Scarab Sages

Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Maps, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Your wish is granted. They are out, but not in your area.

I wish I could get more sleep at night.

I know Borderlands is scheduled for Sept 18, but I can't find a release date for Torchlight. Has anyone heard?

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16

Your wish is granted! You're narcoleptic!

I wish I had more stability in my schedule so I could finish my master's degree.


Wish granted! Your schedule is so strict and regimented, you finish you master's degree with ease. Sadly, you no longer have time to peruse the Paizo forums or play Pathfinder. *waves bye-bye*

I wish The Last Story for the Wii would stop getting delayed.


The Last Story finishes and ships. It is so awful they halt all future products for Wii making The Last Story, the very last story.

I wish I would get off my butt and go home.


Unable to grant that wish. As an eyeball, you don't have any butt to get off.

I wish I didn't have to attend that insanely boring meeting this afternoon.


Granted! Your boss orders you to clean out the mold-encrusted fridge in the breakroom instead.

I wish I wasn't procrastinating right now.

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16

Your wish is granted! Fast forward to after you blew the deadline.

I wish this pile of lousy coffee would magically turn into good coffee.


Wish granted! The coffee turns into VERY GOOD coffee, in your rush to enjoy it, you burn your mouth and tongue and can't taste it anymore.

I wish money grew on trees.


Granted! Money is devalued...yadda yadda...now you have to pay for your groceries with squirrel pelts.

I wish for a iced coffee delivery service.

Scarab Sages

Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Maps, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Your wish is granted. You are transferred to Siberia where your coffee freezes as soon as it is poured.

I wish I was a world traveler.


Your wish is granted. You are now a traveler of worlds, but you encounter difficulty after leaving Earth because of that pesky oxygen issue. On the bright side, your lifeless corpse goes on to see so many amazing things.

I wish I had a catchphrase.


Granted, it is now and forever: "Oh Look..A Chicken!"

I wish I had a butt to get off of.

The Exchange

Wish granted! You now have a butt, but it itches and you don't have anything to scratch it with.

I wish my new campaign goes well. I'm GMing, donchaknow.


Granted! Your players have a blast trying to thwart your every attempt to engage them in the plot. When you give up and switch sandbox play, they gleefully start raiding and pillaging towns, graphically describing the atrocities they commit on the women and farm animals.

I wish the above hadn't actually happened to me once.


Granted, it happened twice and will happen again soon.

I wish it was Friday.


Granted. It didn't happen once, rather it keeps happening, again and again and again ...

I wish I hadn't found this forum, as I now feel compelled to check it from time to time.

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