Corrupt the Wish

[Charlie Bell]

EDIT: Ninja'd.

Your wish is granted! You have the moves like Jagger. However, for invoking such a sucky song, you are punished... severely... by the gods of musical aesthetics. No matter what music you attempt to listen to, you only hear that song. You hear it in your car. You hear it during meals. You hear it at work. You hear it WHILE YOU SLEEP. It gets worse. It isn't even the actual song. It's someone else singing it, but they're getting the words wrong. They're singing "moves like Janet." You aren't sure how you know this, but you know they mean Janet Reno. The resulting mental image causes you to be permanently nauseated.

I wish I were rich enough to travel the world at will.

[The Mad Badger]

Granted you are now a ghost and may travel anywhere in the world you wish to only you may not interact with anything ... you can only watch.

I wish I were a god with all the powers and abilities that go with it.

[Trinite]

Your wish is granted. You are now the god of dishwashers. Your job is to listen to dishwashing-related prayers 24 hours a day and decide which ones are worthy of answers.

I wish I had a cute, fluffy kitty cat on my lap.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! You have a cute, fluffy cat on your lap. It doesn't even eat you. It does, however, shed white kitty cat fluff all over your new black trousers.

I wish I could get all the cat fluff off my bed sheets.

[Charles Scholz]

Granted. You are now a 5 foot lint roller.

I wish I hadn't said what I shouldn't have.

[Striker2054]

Granted. You have now said nothing and made things worse.

I wish I had a day off.

[dbass]

Granted: You're fired

I wish that i would graduate dental school with no debt.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! You moonlight as a stripper.

I wish I could buy the world a Coke.

[Charles Scholz]

Ninja'd

Your wish is granted. You buy the world a coke, but spend the rest of your misbegotten life in prison for the credit card fraud you purpotrted to pay for it.

I wish my cat was more friendly and less lazy.

[robin]

Granted , your cat is transformed into a dog

I wish I knew what to wish for

[Striker2054]

Bam! You now know what to wish for, but are out of wishes.

I wish I didn't have to work out.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! You're quadriplegic!

I wish for intellectual property law reform.

[Striker2054]

Granted! Congress restricts IP law to the point where thinking of an IP can get you arrested.

Now, I wish I had something to snack on.

[The Mad Badger]

Wish granted all of your favorite snacks are in frount of you only you can't quite reach them no matter how hard you try they remain just out of reach.

I wish I could be self-employed yet make the same salary I have now.

[Marthian]

Granted: You now do stock trading by channeling the same stock, and it takes you twice as long to make the same amount... Oh, considering your new job involves a lot of F5 Presses and keyboard work, you develop Carpal Tunnel and your internet bill went up...

I wish that guy was DONE researching the True Resurrection, Mass spell.

[Trinite]

Your wish is granted! His research just discovered that the spell is impossible.

I wish Paizo would send me print copies of all their books for free.

[Striker2054]

Granted. The first time it's cast, the caster miscasts it and starts the zombie apocalypse.

Now I wish I had a shotgun.

[The Mad Badger]

Wish granted you have a shotgun but no ammo for it so the zombies still eat you

I wish there was no zombie apocalypse.

[Charles Scholz]

Your wish is granted. There is a cultist apocalypse.

I wish that I win the Last One To Post Thread.

[Trinite]

Charles Scholz wrote:

Your wish is granted. There is a cultist apocalypse.

I wish that I win the Last One To Post Thread.

Your wish is granted! The Paizo board servers permanently crash the instant after you make your post there. You win.

I re-wish that Paizo would send me print copies of all their books for free.

[The Mad Badger]

Wish granted Paizo sends all the print copies to you for free only before you can open them your house is quarrantined and burned as a bio hazard wiuth everything inside it.

I wish was a giant living loar bear.

[Striker2054]

Well, it should have been a loar bear, but a typo at the company sent you a live polar bear that eats you shortly after opening the box.

Wish I was in Hawaii right now.

[Trinite]

Your wish is granted! You burn up in the lava.

I wish Paizo would release some cooler kobold messageboard avatars.

[DJ-Bogie]

Wish granted, Paizo releases a whole line of Kobalds frozen to death by a white dragon.

I wish my headache would go away.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! Paris, 1793, and you are a Girondin....

I wish I were not still at work.

[DJ-Bogie]

Wow that worked, my headache is gone! It turns out, the guy pulling the lever on the guillotine's name is Monsieur Acete O'Mein.

You are not still at work, you are at home sleeping and having a nightmare.

I wish her cat would stop puking everywhere.

[dbass]

Granted: The cat leaves to go puke in the middle of the nearby street, when a speeding car swerves to avoid it and hits your parked car outside your house.

I wish that the next person to post, that their wish would come true.

[Tirq]

Tch, Duh...

I wish I had a pony!

[DJ-Bogie]

Granted, your very own My Little Pony.

I wish I had a new truck.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! You have a new hand truck.

I wish somebody would bring me breakfast.

[DJ-Bogie]

All the prisoners get breakfast.

I wish it would stop raining excessively here.

[Tirq]

Pow!
It stops raining excessively and it starts snowing excessively.

I wish I had a Robotech Figurine.

[malanthropus]

Wish granted, unfortunately, there was a problem with shipping and it arrives crushed into an inch by inch cube.

I wish I could find a job.

[Black Powder Chocobo]

Granted! You find Job in the Old Testament of your Bible, gaining wisdom and insight on why bad things happen to good people. Of course this does nothing for your employment issues.

I wish Scott Walker lost the recall election.

[Tirq]

Granted

Scott Walker lost the recall election. Then he got a wish and wished that he won the recall election.

I wish my Mumsy would stop nagging me.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! Your Mumsy stops nagging you, God rest her soul.

I wish I could find a decent ME3 multiplayer group.

[Black Powder Chocobo]

Granted! But the group plays on a different system then you.

I wish the Advanced Race Guide was here already.

[Alitan]

Your wish is granted, but the ARG is mistakenly printed using 4E.

I wish I had a cigarette.

[Striker2054]

Here. Whole pack. Too bad your stuck somewhere you can't smoke.

I wish my face wasn't numb from dental work.

[The Mad Badger]

Your wish is granted the local has worn off and now you feel the pain from all those open nerves as the dentist did a hack job.

I wish I was home with my wife having a cocktail.

[Signore di Fortuna]

Boom! Hope you enjoy your cockatiel in a white wine sauce.

I wish I could get a better paying job.

[Tirq]

Granted! You now work at a better paying job. You are considered the 1% and thus people hate you and break you things. I suggest you buy more pepper spray.

I wish I could meet all the members of Monty Python when they were all alive and working together.

[DJ-Bogie]

Granted, you are the disembodied giant foot at the start of the show. Everyone on the show knows you but avoids you because you stink so bad, and they don't want you to crush them.

I wish I would go to bed.

[Tirq]

Welcome to Tobed, China!

I wish I could divide by zero without the consequenses.

[Striker2054]

Granted, but that guy next to you....

I wish for a New Car

[The Mad Badger]

Granted you have a brand new car ...frame

I wish I was omnipotent.

[Alitan]

Your wish is granted!

You own all the back-issues of Omni magazine.

I wish Disney World would sink into the ocean.

[DJ-Bogie]

It does, come see their new Atlantis World

I wish I had ESP, specifically, Extra Sensory Perception, Not extra smelly persperation.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Your wish is granted! You now have an extra pair of eyes - on your butt.

I wish to have, permanently and in real life, the powers of a 20th-level Dungeons & Dragons 3.5 Edition Psion complete with the requisite ability scores and power point reservoir, and do not suffer an alignment shift, disfigurement, mutilation, or personal tragedy as a result.

[shadowmage75]

I wish for world peace.