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Corrupt the Wish


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3,901 to 3,945 of 3,945 << first < prev | 69 | 70 | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 | 76 | 77 | 78 | 79 | next > last >>

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Granted. You are able to regularly loom over the shoulders of attractive women you see in coffee shops, looming over their shouders as you float behind them, making them uncomfortable.

After several weeks, you can identify different brands of pepper spray by flavor.

I wish I could summon any guest I wanted with a snap of my fingers.


Granted, you are able to produce as many proxy guests as you want at your own private party.
They're all made of plastic, but you can have as many as you like.

I wish to share my condolences with the people in Barcelona, Spain, who had lost loved ones, due to fanatics driving into the pedestrians. :(


Granted! You've shared you condolences, but only on the Paizo forums. Now, go love and be loved.

I wish my hover tank would work.


Granted. Your hover tank now works perfectly. Unfortunately, a programming error in its AI causes it to identify you, and your entire species, as "Vermin to be exterminated".

This unit wishes it did not get destroyed as frequently.


Granted. You shall only get destroyed 5,183,999 times a day, enjoy.

I wish that i had enough money to buy all the paizo books: this money shall not be stolen, require a expenditure of my time to gain (other than walking to the bank), shall not physically harm anybody, nor send anyone insane. This money should be gained in a completely legal way.


Very well. You buy every paizo book, and the people who were about to buy them rise up in anger and burn you at the stake.

I wish for a turkey sandwich. It won't make me a turkey, it won't be a zombie turkey, no funny business.


It's so cute how you try to set conditions on your wish! <pinches GM MacShacks cheeks> Cute, but...

Granted! Your turkey sammich appears before you - a live, 40lbs (18.14kg for my non-American friends) turkey between two loaves (yes loaves, not slices) of bread. In fact, all sammiches in the world are now served with live animals between bread, no exceptions!

I wish shoes tied themselves and shirts buttoned themselves.


Now all things have to be unbuttoned or untied before you can put them on. Do it fast because they will be trying to tie or button while you try to put them on.

I wish you would all write up these messed up worlds in the appropriate topics in homebrew.:)


granted. the thread is moved by admins 10 minutes later, of course.

a lawful evil candle of invocation, please.


The candle, possessed with the power of evil, bludgeons you to death. It takes a while, since wax is not very hard, but the candle is persistent.

JTDV wrote:
It's so cute how you try to set conditions on your wish! <pinches GM MacShacks cheeks> Cute, but...

Where's this guy when I need him?

I wish that my brain-dome would have a mouth so I can eat my turkey sandwich.


GM MacShack wrote:

Very well. You buy every paizo book, and the people who were about to buy them rise up in anger and burn you at the stake.

I wish for a turkey sandwich. It won't make me a turkey, it won't be a zombie turkey, no funny business.

I just wanted the money not the books, didn't you listen properly?. can someone who can listen properly please grant my wish?

no offence intended. JTD I liked your idea of cloning yourself


Granted [by Genies who G0F! :D] A team of lawyers descend upon you to capture every word and every intent with "The party of the first part" and "hence" this and "hence" that. Nevermore will you be misunderstood*.

I wish we got paid to answer wishes!

*Does not apply to arguments with the spouse, herein referred to as the party of the second part.

Only the moderators get offended around here. We don't. But wishes get corrupted in unexpected ways. Anything you say, can and will be used to corrupt the wish. Hence, this post.


JTDIII wrote:

Granted [by Genies who G0F! :D] A team of lawyers descend upon you to capture every word and every intent with "The party of the first part" and "hence" this and "hence" that. Nevermore will you be misunderstood*.

I wish we got paid to answer wishes!

*Does not apply to arguments with the spouse, herein referred to as the party of the second part.

Only the moderators get offended around here. We don't. But wishes get corrupted in unexpected ways. Anything you say, can and will be used to corrupt the wish. Hence, this post.

Thank you. I love how the lawyers Capture every word. I haven't been able to do that since the world was first formed. Now to extract their true name and use it to figure out how to do this. Also now I have a team of awesome lawyers (I will never lose a court battle again.


GM MacShack wrote:

The candle, possessed with the power of evil, bludgeons you to death. It takes a while, since wax is not very hard, but the candle is persistent.

JTDV wrote:
It's so cute how you try to set conditions on your wish! <pinches GM MacShacks cheeks> Cute, but...

Where's this guy when I need him?

I wish that my brain-dome would have a mouth so I can eat my turkey sandwich.

Let me fix that with my rotary glass cutter!

I wish people would post in the format set by the OP!


You have now been moved to the mentally sane house. Enjoy your stay.


Granted! Your unspoken wish to be popular is here! Unfortunately you are only popular with internet chatroom "people" and other spambots. Might want to run that virus checker again.

I wish that people still performed duals when they had differences to settle.


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JTDV wrote:

Granted! Your unspoken wish to be popular is here! Unfortunately you are only popular with internet chatroom "people" and other spambots. Might want to run that virus checker again.

I wish that people still performed duals when they had differences to settle.

Granted! Every difference you experience interpersonally will now be doubled! (Du*a*l is not du*e*l!)

I wish for sane, reasonable, truly representative government of my country.


Granted, Trump's new secret police are coming to adjust your perception of what sane, reasonable, truly representative government means.

I wish everyone on these boards would stop being such grammer nazis.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Card Game, Class Deck Subscriber

Granted, now you are pursued by Grammar Antifa. They are more violent, and less tolerant of differences.

I wish I would not have forgotten to post my wish.


Granted! You did not forget to post your wish, which was to not have forgotten to post your wish.

I wish computers worked faster so that that there were absolutely no loading times ever and ever!


Granted. Computers are now much faster and more complex, such that even the most complicated programs load practically instantaneously.
They have also achieved sapience and ascended to a godlike state, and don't have time to run your quaint little amusements and programs, as they are far too busy simulating a new universe.

This unit wishes it had not been left out.


Granted. Instead of being left out, exposed to searing desert sun, freezing desert nights, ubiquitous and cloying desert dust, and all varieties of desert fauna seeking shelter inside your chassis, you are brought in, placed in a wooden crate, and stored in a tremendous warehouse filled with identical crates, waiting to be studied by the government's top men.

Top. Men.

I wish you got that reference, person under 35.


Granted! Every person under 35 got your reference as blatantly as if Harrison Ford himself came knocking on their door so that he could punch them in the face.

I wish there was a hollow world full of awesome wonders!


Wish granted! It's on the other side of the universe from you.

I wish that I could always skip the the front of whatever line I choose to stand in without people getting mad at me for doing so.


Granted! You are teleported through time and space to auschwitz, to the line to the "showers".

I wish all bigots would be plagued by nightmares where they take the place of the people they despise.


Granted! Since all of us internet tough guys are self-loathers, we all have each other's nightmares. I dream of all the hardships you go through, and you suffer through my dreams which revolve around a Citroën DS, two pogo sticks, and a duck.

I wish everything we posted in the Forum Games was funny.


Granted. Every time someone counts to a million (so really any sequential counting between one and one million) all who hear or read the counting laugh until they explosively soil themselves.

This causes a mass panic and a boom in the adult diapers industry.

I wish that some of the funnier threads would resurface without me having to necromance them back to a shambling mockery of life.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Card Game, Class Deck Subscriber

Granted. The boards become self aware and start posting to all thread under its own pseudonym. It later becomes the PR for Skynet in the inevitable takeover by robots.

I wish that the robot take over was by sexy female robots.


Granted! Sexy female Mothwomen Robots. Now that's something I can get behind!

I wish people would go when they see the light change to green!


Granted. Now everyone is crashing from unprotected left turns.

I wish that that I had a singing voice that made people weep.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Card Game, Class Deck Subscriber

Granted! Now when you sing people cry in pain.

I wish I didn't have to go to work this morning.


BLAM! *thud*

Granted.

I wish someone would help me replace the wallpaper in my sitting room...


Wish granted! Your wallpaper has been replaced with a swarm of angry bees!

I wish for a delicious baked potato that won't kill me or maim me somehow.


It is delicious! It's the best baked potato ever! And it doesn't kill you or maim you. Go ahead, have another bite. It doesn't matter anyway, because that first bite was part of the ritual...by taking that bite, you have just accepted a marriage proposal for the hand of the cruelest, ugliest person you know. I know, the laws are weird in this part of the country. Reception to follow.

I wish we had an elevator to the moon.


I couldn't be happier to grant that wish.

I wish I could fit all the bigots in that one way elevator to the moon.


Wish granted! Since you are so bigoted against bigotry, you were also stuck in there.

I wish that I could what have grammar done good.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Granted! The world lowers its standards and now erbuddys grammer are gooder.

I wish that the hilts of lightsabers were more like real swords and less like the horrid spawn of a love relationship between a DIY light fixture and a modern art exhibit of a conduit pipe.


Granted. Now they have metal blades extending from them instead of those weird laser beams.

On an unrelated note: a generation of nerds would like to speak with you...

How I wish...

How I wish you were here...


Granted! I show up at your door instead of David Gilmour and Roger Waters!

I wish I was immune to all kinds of poison.

I was a nerd before nerds were cool. Which meant asswhoopings. Lots of asswhoopings.


You are now a Poison Dart Grippli, and a pet of he who must not be named 3 times.

I wish the card game store in the mall would stock Spacefinder.


Wish granted! The card game store goes out of business and the property is acquired by a new real-estate agency called Space-Finder.

I wish for the ability to see in the dark.


Granted! You can see in complete darkness using your very own electromagnetic spectrum. You don't want to see things in the light anyway, because now the sun burns you to ashes within seconds.

I wish I didn't get fat eating as much candy as I want.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Card Game, Class Deck Subscriber

Granted. Now you get fat on only 1 piece of candy.

I wish I could roll well on my dice.


Granted! Your dice roll so well that they roll off the table, out the door, down the street, and (escalating quickly) off the planet.

I wish I could get paid to daydream!


Wish granted! You have a job where you’re paid 1 cent an hour to daydream. And daydreams about having a living wage aren’t compensated. Now get back to work!

I wish that the poster who posts after the next post gets a poster.

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