Corrupt the Wish

[Uncle Teddy]

Granted, the moment has passed while you were in the restroom.

I wish for an actual clue-by-four that I can use on others but cannot be used on me.

[lucky7]

granted. four clues as to how it went
1. not well
2. cheese
3. I'm getting lazy
4....

I wish I had a chocolate fountain

[Uncle Teddy]

Granted. The number of children and insects it attracts prevents you from enjoying it.

I wish I had a tank I could drive to work in.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! You know what that does to pavement, right? Not to mention how hard it is to parallel park....

I wish this paper was done already.

[Uncle Teddy]

Charlie Bell wrote:

Your wish is granted! You know what that does to pavement, right? Not to mention how hard it is to parallel park....

Yep, but imagine the off-road possibilities. Not to mention how easy it would be for me to handle winter roads here in Wisconsin. As for parallel parking - it's a tank. ;)

Now, onto your wish...

Granted, the paper is done. In fact it is well done. Maybe next time you won't work on it over a roaring fire.

Speaking of fires, I wish I was sitting in front of a campfire, roasting marshmallows for s'mores.

[lucky7]

Granted. the marshmallows, however, decide to roast you first.

I wish for supernatural powers.

[DM Wellard]

Granted, you now have the supernatural power to turn everything you touch into dust.

I wish this thread had never started.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! Moebius-like, it never started, it just turns back on itself.

Courtfool wrote:

I will start with an easy one, I wish for a million dollars.

[lucky7]

Your wish is granted. You now have a million Sand-dollars

I wish I had a flying car.

[Charlie Bell]

Oooh, good answer.

Your wish is granted! You have a flying car... but the FAA restricts use of airspace, and you don't have a pilot's license, and the insurance rates run higher than the car flies. As usual, bureaucracy ruins everything.

I wish the A/C in my office worked.

[lucky7]

Granted. But the guy across the hall has his heater full blast, and you can't turn yours off. And when a warm front and a cold front meet, it creates rain.

I wish I could find a trench coat in my price range.

[Sylirinight]

Granted! It's not your size though...

I wish I could shapeshift.

[lucky7]

Granted. You die horribly and reincarnate.

I wish I could find the basket.

[lucky7]

Granted. You die horribly and reincarnate into a roach.

I wish I could find the basket.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! It's up on the backboard where you can't reach it.

I wish you'd revisit Insult Raps and Cause of Death. I miss those.

[lucky7]

Granted! But I stink.

I wish that when I die, my head was buried on someone else's body.

[Charles Scholz]

Granted. Your head is attached to Minnie Pearl's body.

I wish I could get that thought out of my mind.

[Little Skylark]

Granted, but only if you swich his head for yours.

I wish I'd have better idea's on Cause of Death.

[lucky7]

Granted! We switch minds, so now your BODY is doing better.

I wish I had a leraye or a xloptos.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! You get a man-eating xloptos, which eats you!

I wish I knew what those things are.

[Lord Foul II]

Granted they are leraye and xloptos
alternate answer granted. You know there's this wonderful tool called google, try that
I wish for Thor's hammer, with the ability to lift and use it, without pissing Thor or his father or brother or any of his other friends or family off.

[lucky7]

Granted. You get Thor's hammer, but you're not worthy. Only Thor and Beta Ray Bill are.

I wish for darkvision 60ft.

A leraye is a whip attached to a very light chainsaw.
A xlotpos is a crossbow which shoots sword bolts.
Check "Or was that the doohickey?"

[Lord Foul II]

I did say with the ability to lift and use it granted unfortunately you also gain the clouded vision curse
I wis my previous wish was granted.

[lucky7]

Granted. But it turns to cheap plastic when you touch it.

I wish I had a half-orc buddy with a shotgun.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! Think "Dick Cheney hunting accident."

I wish spoke Italian.

[lucky7]

Granted! But your throat is slashed by vengeful assassins, so now you can't talk at all.

I wish I had better stabbing skills.

[Little Skylark]

You have, as long as you're pointing at your self.

I wish I could get all my groceries for free.

[Uncle Teddy]

Granted. Now you just need to explain to the police officer standing at your front door how you got them for free.

I wish my car ran on a cheaper fuel source than gasoline.

[Little Skylark]

It does, but you'll need to go to the toilet more often to drive it.

I wish that police officer would leave me alone.

[Uncle Teddy]

Granted. Once the trial is ends and you're locked away you never see the nice officer again.

I wish I had a fully functional model of the shotgun from The Expendables.

[lucky7]

Granted. But you have neither ammo, training, or permit.

I wish I had bought that foam longsword.

[dbass]

Granted: It's made of foam, but the shaving cream kind, so it disintegrates in your hands.

I wish that I had a surround sound system for my TV.

[Uncle Teddy]

Granted. Unfortunately the resounding sound waves shatter your TV as well as your eardrums.

I wish I had won the lottery.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! You won a free small fry!

I wish for a blizzard!

[Charles Scholz]

Granted. You are locked in a cabin for six months along with a polar bear, a badger and your mortal enemy, and only enough food for one.

I wish I was more evil.

[Uncle Teddy]

Granted. You have become so evil that you become good.

I wish my landlord would install Central Air in my apartment building.

[lucky7]

Granted, but you have to pay for installation.

I wish dead frogs would beat up children.

[Uncle Teddy]

Granted. Wave upon wave of undead frogs begin crushing everybody under the weight of their combined bodies since we are all somebody's child. Thanks a lot, lucky7. Now we're all in trouble.

I wish I was a monkey ninja.

[lucky7]

Granted. Ape ninjas kill you.

I wish I had a better recurring joke.

[Uncle Teddy]

Granted. Unfortunately your new recurring joke is inappropriate to post on this or any forum.

I wish I'd rise from the dead as a Juju zombie pirate monkey ninja.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! You revel in your awesome supervillain henchman status until your evil overlord clones you. The law of conservation of ninjitsu takes effect and now you're much less awesome because there is an ARMY of juju zombie pirate monkey ninja clones.

I wish I had an army of juju zombie pirate monkey ninja clones.

[Uncle Teddy]

Granted. Between half of them yelling "Yar!" all the time and the other half staring at you in eerie silence you are driven insane. The authorities eventually catch you on the roof of the nearest Walmart armed with a water gun and several whipped-cream filled balloons, screaming "I am the Ape King!"

I wish as a juju zombie pirate monkey ninja to rise as an evil overlord that does all the right things and actually ends up being liked by my subjects.

[hobbsdadolfin]

granted, however, the people who were ruling the world before got jelous and nuked you.

I wish for endless pies.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! Welcome to the magical world of morbid obesity!

I wish I had a place to take a comfy nap here at the office.

[lucky7]

Granted! There are a bunch of them built into the wall, but you don't get you're own unless you're employee of the week.

I wish for a +1 weapon.

[Uncle Teddy]

Granted. You receive a +1 cestus sized for a sprite. Unfortunately, it is also cursed and you are compelled to try to wield it.

I wish I were a cyborg.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! You lose a leg in a terrible auto accident and get a prosthetic.

I wish I had a fresh cup of coffee.

[Uncle Teddy]

Granted. It's so fresh, in fact, it's still a bunch of coffee beans on a bush in Columbia.

I wish I could cast Fireball at will (and no, I'm not talking about anyone named Will).

[lucky7]

Granted! But you lose your arms and your voice so you can't cast it!

I wish someone would Fireball at Will (yes, actually a guy named Will)

[Uncle Teddy]

Granted. Oh wait, I can't. No arms and no voice.

I wish I had a pet bear that would never harm me in any way.