I wish the delivery guy would hurry up with my Chinese food.
Granted! As you open the door, the delivery guy flees into your house, desperate to escape the armed gang members chasing him. As he shoves your food into your arms, the criminals' 9mm slugs punch right through the cardboard containers of General Tso's chicken and Mongolian beef... and your torso.
I wish I had a great sportscar.
I wish I had a great sportscar.Granted. You have an absolutely AWESOME sportscar. Unfortunately it is only 2 1/2 inches in length and is manufactured by Matchbox.
I wish they would stop with the "reality" shows already.
Wish granted. They stop the reality shows. Instead the new black in TV entertainment becomes "ultrareality" shows, meaning taking away every sort of entertaining people and circumstances from the shows. You get to watch people driving to their job, and such.
I wish no child would go hungry.
Wish granted. An atrocious and lightning-quick plague kills everybody under 18 of age and makes the rest of humanity sterile, spelling the end of the world. Not so funny, this game...
I wish there was no badly spelled wishes.
Sorry, no can do. There are limits, even for wishes.
I wish to be able to travel back in time.
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I wish to be able to travel back in time.
Wish granted. However, you do not realize the traveling actually occurred and as a result suffer from a near constant feeling of deja vu. People look at you funny every time you loudly claim that all this has happened before.
I wish the Earth really was hollow with a Lost World at the core.
Wish granted. Earth is instantly hollowed, its core populated with dinosaurs. To make room inside, zigabillions tons of molten lava pours out at the surface, frying you along with everybody else.
I wish there were a breathable atmosphere and sentient life on Mars (Charlie Bell, I stand corrected).
Wish granted! You now has a bottle with a never-ending supply of chocolate syrup. It won't cede any of that syrup to you, however, merely mumbling something about "how the hell do you think I GOT a never ending supply, eh?"
I wish the sun was green.
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I wish fishes were wishes.
Wish granted. You are immediately surrounded by millions of cats who are extremely pissed at you for taking away their favorite snacks.
Then the fans of sushi show up, armed with a never ending supply of chopsticks. The last thing you see is a massive glob of wasabi right before it blinds you.
I wish Hollywood would stop making crappy movies.
I wish I were a halfling solar Starstone deity with over 9000 DPR. Cause it will help my build.
Wish granted! You are now a halfling solar Starstone deity with over 9000 Dinners Per Round <burp>. It certainly helps your build, and your girth too. Never use acronyms in a wish!
I wish the best of things for Erik Mona and his crew (cute, no?).
Wish granted...aaaaaand not spoiled, just seconded!
I wish I had moved already.
Granted...but Leoshi only likes short guys.
I wish it were payday already.
Granted...but Leoshi only likes short guys.
I wish it were payday already.
Fine, it's payday already, and you show up at the job to discover that the boss stole all the money and took off for the Bahamas.
I wish I had a lovely woman around to share my life with.
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Granted...but Leoshi only likes short guys.
I wish it were payday already.Fine, it's payday already, and you show up at the job to discover that the boss stole all the money and took off for the Bahamas.
I wish I had a lovely woman around to share my life with.
Wish granted. You get to spend the rest of your life with your mother.
I wish for a greener planet.
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I wish for a greener planet.
Granted. 260 billion cans of spray paint later the entire planet and everything on it is quite green indeed. Of course, with all the toxins that were released to grant your wish has doomed every living thing to a death sentence.
I wish for all good things to come to pass.
See, here is where you should have known whether morality is subjective or objective, you know, all those pesky alignment threads. Turns out it's subjective, and everyone gets their fondest desire. Of course, the process starts with Quint P. Jubjub, a man who has very fond wishes for the extreme torture and dismemberment of every living thing on Earth.
I wish for a cheeseburger.
Your wish is granted! U can has ur cheezburger, but you can't eat it too.
I wish for world peace.
Wish granted! The genie drops on your left foot a piece of the world, crushing you. He has got spelling problems too. :)
I wish to be a curly-footed god of war with a nicely muscled bottom.
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I wish to be a curly-footed god of war with a nicely muscled bottom.
Granted. You are now the Deity of Those Who War Against Nicely Muscled Bottoms. You have no followers. In fact most people scoff at the mere notion of such a deity even existing. As a deity gains power from the faith of their followers, you have a power deficit and implode into nothingness, but not before you trip over your curly feet.
I wish clients would not wait until the last minute to send over details of a project that is due tomorrow.
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I wish I could drive like Jeff Gordon and Dale Earnhart.
Wish granted. You can now drive exceedingly fast with great skill ... as long as you dive in a giant oval. When you get on actual road ways, confusion sets in and you become the slow driver that instills road rage in docile grandmothers.
I wish I could create an extra day each week that was a paid day off for everyone.
I wish I could create an extra day each week that was a paid day off for everyone.
Your wish is granted! However, this new day of the week makes every calendar created up until now utterly useless, infuriating calendar makers all over the world. To show their appreciation for this little stunt, they have all the now-useless calendars airdropped on top of your house. This is funded by all the employers who now have to pay a whole day extra per week to everybody who works for them.
The resulting paper-mountain is actually impressive enough to make the cover of the new-model calendars.
The following bonfire makes the cover of February.
Your house (and you) are however crushed flat as a pancake. The photo of that makes March's cover.
I wish Illithids were allowed in Pathfinder.
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I wish Illithids were allowed in Pathfinder.
Wish granted. Lisa and Vic have a sudden change of heart and sell Paizo and Pathfinder to WOTC, who immediately "upgrades" Pathfinder to a "campaign setting" for D&D Essentials, thus paving the way for the illithid invasion of Andoran, the death of Pharasma and Desna, and melding of Golarion with the First World.
I wish the next poster unlimmited happiness.
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I wish the next poster unlimmited happiness.
Granted. I can now have unlimited happiness. However, my happiness requires a counter balance and that is your misery. Not being a heartless bastard, I limit my happiness for your good, thereby limiting my unlimited happiness.
Just remember, whenever you have a particularly crappy day, my day is going spectacularly well. Of course, if you are having a good day, it means I have limited my happiness for your benefit. I will further limit my happiness for regular payments to my paypal account ... just throwing that out there. ;)
I wish I could see what evil lurks in the heart of Man.
I wish I could see what evil lurks in the heart of Man.
Granted. The ablility to see this evil breaks your mind, and you will live out the rest of your days in an insane asylum (as long as you aren't already:p).
I wish I could afford to buy more Pathfinder books.
Wish granted. Lisa and Vic have a sudden change of heart and sell Paizo and Pathfinder to WOTC, who immediately "upgrades" Pathfinder to a "campaign setting" for D&D Essentials, thus paving the way for the illithid invasion of Andoran, the death of Pharasma and Desna, and melding of Golarion with the First World.
*curls into fetal position* It's so dark, mommy... so dark... *sucks thumb*
Your wish is granted. Paizo starts printing their products on cheaper paper using a cheaper printer. Your books now fall apart before they get to you.
I wish my cat would stop upchucking on the floor.
Wish granted. From now on your cat will only hwarf on your bed.
I wish I could teleport instantly from work to home (or vice versa), thus negating the need for a morning commute.
I wish my cat would stop upchucking on the floor.
Granted. Your cat now uses your shoes as kitty barf bags.
I wish my house was self-cleaning.
Granted. Your house now anything that was not there when it was originally completed as foreign material to be thrown out. This includes you, your belongings, and any family members or pets.
I wish my beer was cold still.
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I wish I could teleport instantly from work to home (or vice versa), thus negating the need for a morning commute.
Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, you must file all requests a year in advance due to heavy usage; even then you are still and hour late for work.
I wish my beer was cold still.
Your wish is granted. Your beer is now at absoulte zero and quite still as a solid.
I wish people would pay more attention when they are ninja'd.
The ninja chops his steaming guts out, and he stares at them for 12 seconds before he perishes.
I wish all this Monopoly money was real.
Your wish is granted. The Monopoly money exists. It's monetary value, however, remains negligible.
I wish to die satisfied and with peace of mind.
Hannibal Lecter gives you a Snicker bar and then eats your brain.
I wish in one hand, and shit in the other.
Hannibal Lecter saws the two hemispheres of your brain in half. Then eats them.
I wish I had a million gold pieces.
Granted. A Barbarian Kobold in the Pathfinder universe named "I" has just come across 1 million Gold pieces. He's going to use them to line his cave-wall.
I wish that the monk class in pathfinder was balanced.
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Granted. A Barbarian Kobold in the Pathfinder universe named "I" has just come across 1 million Gold pieces. He's going to use them to line his cave-wall.
I wish that the monk class in pathfinder was balanced.
Wish granted. The monk is balanced. Precariously so. In the middle of a greased tightrope between two cliffs, 10000' above an acid river flowing into the Sea of Despair.
I wish I hadn't left my phone at the chiropractor's office yesterday (dang holiday weekends).
You didn't. That was a gynecologist's office. Your cell phone has been surgically inserted into your body. I don't think you want to know where.
I wish for health.