Granted. He looks like a hungry tiger.

I wish my Pathfinder character was immortal as per the rules for a 20th level Monk of the Four Winds.

Granted. He is confined to a bricked-up prison cell on the Astral Plane with no access to the outside. An immortal confined to a timeless void, he is driven insane.

I wish that annoying Christmas songs and reruns would cease.

Granted. Rocks fall, the whole world dies.

I wish I never picked up that cursed monkey paw.

Granted. He is confined to a bricked-up prison cell on the Astral Plane with no access to the outside. An immortal confined to a timeless void, he is driven insane.

I wish that annoying Christmas songs and reruns would cease.

Lo and behold, it ends... But only because the world ended on 12/21/12 I don't think it will. Nor do I think the Mayans said the world would end: just media ratings upping.

I wish the next person a merry christmas.

I hvae a merry christmas with my new wife: your mom.

I wish for an unlkimited supply of ice.

Your wish is granted! *poof* you are teleported to the South Pole, and man is it cold here without any snivel gear.

I wish the insanity would stop on Facebook.

Granted the insanity stops but Facebook was attacked by anonymous and so no one can go onto facebook and all your personal info was stollen.
I wish my anti-paladin could smite all alignments in my current pathfinder game.

Granted! You can now smite all alignments, including chaotic evil. When you have the eventual facepalm moment due to the cleric acting dumb, you end up smiting yourself back to the Abyss.

I wish that certain "organizations" would stop using tragedies to further their own zealous and hateful agendas.

Granted. Now governments do it.

I wish that people would believe whatever I said was the truth.

Your wish is granted! Tragic misunderstandings ensue whenever you employ sarcasm or exaggeration.

I wish I would hurry up and finish my master's.

Granted! You have the anterior cingulated cortex, the dorsal lateral prefrontal cortex and the parietal cortex removed, so that you can`t lie anymore, and receive a chirurgy certificate, everyone will believe what you say is truth!

I wish i had fencing lessons at high school...

Granted! but they don't have enough in the budget for armor. Ick.

I wish I could get book 9 of the Dresden Files (which is already out.)

Granted! but they don't have enough in the budget for armor. Ick.

I wish I could get book 8 of the Dresden Files (which is already out.)

Granted! You obtain book 8 of the Dresden Files: a series of books written by the Dresden Dolls.

I wish Kyros would successfully find the Edit link on his posts ;)

I thought I had deleted that!!

I wish that I din't have to go to a Christmas Pageant and a Dentist appointment on the same day.

Granted! You have a dentist appointment that takes the whole day. So you can't go to the Christmas Pageant. But they rescheduled it for you, and made it four hours longer.

I wish i would wake up well rested tomorrow.

Granted! You wake up in a pool of blood wearing a shirt made of human skin... but you are well rested.

I wish I hadn't written that.

Granted! You wake up in a pool of blood wearing a shirt made of human skin... but you are well rested.

I wish I hadn't written that.

Granted. There is an edit button for you to retract your words. Or you could even delete. Trouble is i've quoted you and it's stuck.

I wish my wife wasn't locked up for the holidays.

Granted! Her DNA cleared her name and absolved her of the crimes. Unfortunately, Your DNA was most likely match, 99.999999% confirmation. Welcome to the State Pen.

I wish I could run like I did in my youth.

You run just like you were a baby!

I wish I could have a 16oz. can of Pepsi!

Wish granted! But the pepsi was mistaken with an deadly poison, and you die after drinking it.

I wish I could read F.A.T.A.L... and not having an brain collapse for doing so.

Congratulations on becoming an eldrich abomination from the far realms. unfortunately, now anything that you formerly counted as 'sane' will cause a brain collapse.

I wish that someone would go up-thread, find the wish that got ninja'd before it was granted, and grant it.

Granted!
Charlie Bell finishes his masters, but due to an administration snafu he is presented with a degree in meta-academic epidemiology.

I wish other people would pick up after themselves.

Granted! People begin picking up all waste they create. unfortunately they never put anything down, and eventually everyone in the whole world is crushed under their own personal mountains of rubbish.

I wish this damned cursed monkey paw would leave me alone!

Wish Granted! It's not a monkey paw anymore, it's a full on monkey fist.

I wish for good things for those who deserve them.

Granted. It's kind of unfortunate no-one deserves them. :(

I wish for the wisdom to make a good wish.

Granted! Now everyone is a level 20 Lawful Stupid Paladin, and with no war, they stop making technological advances.

I wish for happiness.

Your wish is granted! Your worst enemies are happy at your downfall.

I wish I had a maid. A man needs a maid.

Granted! You get a handsome Spanish man who has a twinkle in his eye and an intoxicating smile.

I wish I had plans for today.

You have plans to jump off a bridge.

I wish that people were more into Pathfinder and D&D.

Wish granted. Everyone is teleported to Golarion and forgotten realms! Its a shame no one knows how to get out...

I wish I wasnt red.

Granted. You are now yellow and brown. Ick.

I wish my PFS guy could afford +2 full plate.

Wish granted. But after you get it, rocks fall. You die. (rule number 1: dont sleep with gm wife.)

I wish my jokes were funnier.

Granted. Whenever you talk, people's sides split. Literally.

I wish I had gotten a better part in the play.

Wish granted! But you lost all your money during an orc raid, so you will have to continue working to get it back.

I wish I could cast spells on this plane.

You can cast acid splash. Wheee!

I wish I had gotten a better part in the play.

Well, it would be still cool to throw acid on things at will, so ty :D

Wish granted, you got a better part in the play, but you died with an unknown desease before you could have some fun.

Edit: ah, forgot to wish!

I wish i had a gazillion dollars.

Make a wish.

Wish granted. Everyone is teleported to Golarion and forgotten realms! Its a shame no one knows how to get out...

Hey, if this means I get to be a Half-Dragon (or Were Dragon works too), I don't even want out. Silly real world

Kalenz's wish is granted. However, it was ill-gotten. You killed many men, women, and children for it. So many it's put you into depression for the rest of your money-filled days (By RAW, money doesn't buy happiness.)

I wish those adventurers would stop trying to raid my home cave. I don't go raiding their homes for treasure, why should they?

Granted! Out of frustration, the last set of adventurers declared that if they can't have your treasure, neither can you and promptly opened a portal to the Magma Plane.

I wish history didn't repeat itself.

Granted! Now no one has any ability to remember the past, and we all end up as a bunch of cheesepuffolocigsts.

I wish I could end up a huge badass in Pathfinder.

FTR, I kick those Orc's butts!

Granted! You're polymorphed into a Dire Donkey.

I wish my house was clean and my dishes were washed.

A flood washes all debris from your house. Nothing remains, so now it's quite clean! And the dishes got washed away!

I wish I could eat Barbeque for dinner.

Granted! But the eating of Barbie Q. was cannibalism and, therefore, a crime.

I wish I didn't feel sick this time of year.

Granted! You now feel sick every year!

I wish that everything was perfect for everyone.

Granted! Except now Voltaire's Candide makes no sense, so you've ruined a great piece of literature.

I wish I could have a regular schedule to play Pathfinder with my sign-language interpreter friends.

Granted! Except now they're blind!

I wish I knew what Candide was.

Granted! Candide, one of the best satirical novels of all time, is about a boy who believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds. Then a whole bunch of bad things happen to him to convince him otherwise. It was written by Voltaire in 1759. And now you are sad, because you thought it was a delicious type of French candy.

I wish I had some delicious French candy right now.

Granted! Candide, one of the best satirical novels of all time, is about a boy who believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds. Then a whole bunch of bad things happen to him to convince him otherwise. It was written by Voltaire in 1759. And now you are sad, because you thought it was a delicious type of French candy.

I wish I had some delicious French candy right now.

Granted. You now have a delicious french macaroon stuffed with a candied duck spleen cream, glazed with frog's blood, and wrapped in sugared tripe.

I wish my job was more exciting.