Twist the wish of the person above you by maintaining the letter of the wish, but not the spirit. Then make your own wish.

I will start with an easy one, I wish for a million dollars.

wish
Your wish is granted. You now have a million Sand-dollars

I wish I had a flying car.

Granted, but you have no way of steering it.

I wish for pie.

Your wish is granted; you get pie. An 18-wheeler delivering a shipment of frozen pies for the Humble Pie Company careens into your lane on the interstate. You die buried beneath an avalanche of frozen pies.

I wish for more wishes!

Granted: But the bazillions of new wishes and all the possibilities twist and turn your mind until your brain flows out of your ears.

I wish for not going to work today.

You're fired.

I wish this bed were lofted.

A Fire Giant lofts your bed into a volcano.

I wish Anne Hathaway were mine.

Here is your poster of Anne Hathaway.

I wish all my enemies gone.

They're gone but will be back in a minute.

I wish I had a Big Mac...

They're gone but will be back in a minute.

I wish I had a Big Mac...

Mark McGwire shows up in your house with a baseball bat and a bottle of gin...mostly empty...

I wish I had some bacon.

Here is your 12 day old bacon.

I wish you well.

Here is your 12 day old bacon.

I wish you well.

Me, your natural enemy, is brought from the brink of death, so nothing will stop me from torturing your death right now.

I wish for an army of ninja servants fanatically loyal to me.

Me, your natural enemy, is brought from the brink of death, so nothing will stop me from torturing your death right now.

I wish for an army of ninja servants fanatically loyal to me.

Your house is kept relentlessly clean by your maid staff, who do so silently and efficiently.

I wish my backyard was neatly mown.

Your backyard is neatly cropped to a uniform height of 1 inch above the ground. So's your house.

I wish I had more time.

Granted. 50 subscriptions to TIME have been ordered in your name.

I wish I could play piano.

KaeYoss wrote:

Me, your natural enemy, is brought from the brink of death, so nothing will stop me from torturing your death right now.

I wish for an army of ninja servants fanatically loyal to me.

Your house is kept relentlessly clean by your maid staff, who do so

Bah, the joke's on you. This place is a sty.

KaeYoss wrote:

Me, your natural enemy, is brought from the brink of death, so nothing will stop me from torturing your death right now.

I wish for an army of ninja servants fanatically loyal to me.

Your house is kept relentlessly clean by your maid staff, who do so silently and efficiently.

(Judging by endless series of Anime and Manga, I fail to see how devoted Maid-Ninjas can be a bad thing....)

You are lectured endlessly in the Lower Planes by a leacherous Lemure with maximum ranks if Perform (Piano), who tortures you every time you play a note wrong.

I wish that I had the money to get my cats neutered.

Here's a couple bucks for a pair of scissors.

I wish my hairline would stop receding.

Your hairline stops receding due to reaching your neck.

I wish everyone would understand me.

Everyone understands you, yet no one listens to you.

I wish Mönchengladbach is not going to be relegated.

Your wish is granted, they're going to file for bankruptcy and be shut down instead.

I wish it wasn't raining.

Your wish is granted, but the lack of wather makes you die of thirst.

I wish my cat would stop throwing things off my desk...

Your desk is broken. You can no longer place things atop it for your cat to remove.

I wish my students would stop showing up late to class.

Your wish is granted, your students are on time, yet they show up naked...urgh

I wish Martinaj wouldn't have quit my game without any notification...

Yeah, sorry about that one Zyren. My computer broke down, and by the time I got access to another one (much less got a new one myself) too much time had passed. I did like where those seemed to be going though.

Hey no problem, I was just surprised to see you here :)

Your wish is granted, your students are on time, yet they show up naked...urgh

I wish Martinaj wouldn't have quit my game without any notification...

Your wish is granted. A temporal anomaly occurs, trapping you in a closed loop of the day before Martinaj quit your game, a la Groundhog Day.

I wish the weekend wasn't over.

Your wish is granted, it's Friday again...the day your car broke...

I wish I wouldn't have to write another wish.

Your wish is granted, it's Friday again...the day your car broke...

I wish I wouldn't have to write another wish.

<Zyren Zemerys has been banned>

I wish my my wife would rub my nasty, crusty, aligator skinned feet.

I wish my my wife would rub my nasty, crusty, aligator skinned feet.

Your wish is granted: After aligators skin your feet, your wife rubs your now skin-less feet with her hands bathed in salted lemon juice.

I wish I had a spaceship.

Your wish is granted...dang, it's the Executor and there is a big grey thing coming closer and closer...

I wish they would reopen a Pizza Hut in Essen...

Your wish is granted. They open a Pizza Hut in Essen, but it performs so poorly that it's closed within a week. Market research indicates lack of demand, thus ensuring that no pizza restaurant will ever open another franchise in Essen.

I wish my players could stay on topic during the game.

Your wish is granted. They open a Pizza Hut in Essen, it performs so poorly that it's closed within a week and market research indicates lack of demand, thus ensuring that no pizza restaurant will ever open another franchise in Essen.

I wish my players could stay on topic during the game.

Your wish is granted: The players are now glued to the books which are always under them.

I wish I was taller.

Charlie Bell wrote:

Your wish is granted. They open a Pizza Hut in Essen, it performs so poorly that it's closed within a week and market research indicates lack of demand, thus ensuring that no pizza restaurant will ever open another franchise in Essen.

I wish my players could stay on topic during the game.

Your wish is granted: The players are now glued to the books which are always under them.

I wish I was taller.

Your wish is granted: Your legs double in length, equipping you with twice as many knees as before. People laugh as you futilely try to walk upright.

I wish I'd get a decent internet connection here.

Your wish is granted. Your server now has the fastest connection in the world. It is so popular, everyone in your state signs up for it. It is so busy it only takes 1 hour to make connections.

I wish I had the time of my life.

Wish granted: You have the time of your life..but only for a second...booo!

I wish I had a large hall to display all my RPG stuff...

Wish granted: You have the time of your life..but only for a second...booo!

I wish I had a large hall to display all my RPG stuff...

Your wish is granted: The government confiscates all your RPG materials and puts them in a museum hall.

I wish I could fly.

I wish I could fly.

Your wish is granted, you have been removed from the "No Fly List". You may now buy airline tickets to your hearts content for a mere three times the standard price.

I wish fate would always smile upon me.

KaeYoss wrote:

I wish I could fly.

Your wish is granted, you have been removed from the "No Fly List". You may now buy airline tickets to your hearts content for a mere three times the standard price.

I wish fate would always smile upon me.

Your wish is granted: Fate always smiles upon thee. She can't help but smile at all the misfortune she sends your way.

I wish I was a euro-trillionare.

Your wish is granted, you receive a diploma certifying you a euro-trillionare, along with a dictionary.

I wish Ultimate Magic gets shipped to me today.

Your wish is granted, you receive a diploma certifying you a euro-trillionare, along with a dictionary.

I wish Ultimate Magic gets shipped to me today.

Your wish is granted. Your copy is shipped today but is lost in transit.

I wish I could play Dungeons and Dragons today.

LoreKeeper wrote:

Your wish is granted, you receive a diploma certifying you a euro-trillionare, along with a dictionary.

I wish Ultimate Magic gets shipped to me today.

Your wish is granted. Your copy is shipped today but is lost in transit.

I wish I could play Dungeons and Dragons today.

Hah! Thereby my secret wish of getting access to the PDF today is granted! Take that fate!

Your wish is granted, you are ripped from your time-and-space into the reality of Golarion and are face to face with an irate great red wyrm that isn't happy about your presence in his inescapable dungeon - obviously here to steal his hoard.

Also I wish time, today, would pass faster.

Misery wrote:

LoreKeeper wrote:

Your wish is granted, you receive a diploma certifying you a euro-trillionare, along with a dictionary.

I wish Ultimate Magic gets shipped to me today.

Your wish is granted. Your copy is shipped today but is lost in transit.

I wish I could play Dungeons and Dragons today.

Hah! Thereby my secret wish of getting access to the PDF today is granted! Take that fate!

Your wish is granted, you are ripped from your time-and-space into the reality of Golarion and are face to face with an irate great red wyrm that isn't happy about your presence in his inescapable dungeon - obviously here to steal his hoard.

Also I wish time, today, would pass faster.

To be honest ... seeing a dragon before I go is still pretty awesome. Still a net win!

Your wish is granted. "Today", the name of your new, super sized Kidney Stone passes much faster than expected, tearing open your flesh from the inside ... ouch.

[Misery didn't make a wish.]

I wish I had a spaceship.

[Misery didn't make a wish.]

I wish I had a spaceship.

Your wish is granted: You get the very spaceship I wished for earlier. Luckily, it's soon enough to let you be the guy who crashes into the not-moon!

I wish I was ruler of the universe.

Your wish is granted: You get the very spaceship I wished for earlier. Luckily, it's soon enough to let you be the guy who crashes into the not-moon!

I wish I was ruler of the universe.

You are now the ruler that all of the male gods use to measure their private parts.

I wish to live a satisfactory life with nothing out of the ordinary to happen with it.

Your wish is granted. You are turned into a fruit fly. Enjoy the next 60 days, they will be your last.

I wish I could go to Paizocon this year. :(

Your wish is granted, but a strange Tyrannosaurus bites your head off as you enter!

I wish I had a hammer.

Your wish is granted, but a strange Tyrannosaurus bites your head off as you enter!

I wish I had a hammer.

Damn you, James Jacobs' avatar!!!

You wish is granted. However, the hammer is cursed causing you to hammer in the morning, hammer in the evening, all over this land, to hammer out justice, to hammer out freedom, to hammer out love between the brothers and the sisters, all over this land. Soon thereafter, the police show up and arrest you for the countless murders of all your bludgeoned victims scattered all over this land.

I wish I had a time machine which would allow for travel forwards, backwards and sidewards along and around the current and all possible timelines.

You wish is granted. However, the hammer is cursed causing you to hammer in the morning, hammer in the evening, all over this land, to hammer out justice, to hammer out freedom, to hammer out love between the brothers and the sisters, all over this land. Soon thereafter, the police show up and arrest you for the countless murders of all your bludgeoned victims scattered all over this land.

I wish I had a time machine which would allow for travel forwards, backwards and sidewards along and around the current and all possible timelines.

Your wish is granted, but the prospect of you ownign a timemachine that cn do all that attracts the attention of the Guardian of Time, and he prompty decides to just erase you from existence.

I wish I knew every cantrip in the world.