Granted instead you found an addicting song thread were everyone sings big happy songs about life and Paizo.

I wish that I could navigate the forums better.

Granted! Now the forums are incredibly easy to navigate. But, do to the ease of it, everyone sign on and the system crashes.

I wish I could figure out what you get by multiplying 6 by 9.

Granted! The answer is how many seconds you have left to live.

I wish that when my last day on Earth comes, it'll be a good day.

It'll be a good day for everyone except for you. You'll be dead. Being dead is not generally liked.

I wish that breakfast will taste good tomorrow.

Last meal on death row always tastes good, but never lasts long enough.

I wish we all have a good day Friday.

Great Fridays for EVERYONE! But for corruption, I'm not included in the good day Friday. It was a neutral friday for me.

I wish the poster five posts from now get's his wish granted without any corruption.

Granted! Wait...if I post, then it's four posts from now, not five. But you specifically asked for the fifth poster from now. That was then, this is now. When will then be now? Okay, okay...At some anomalous point in time between me and the "fifth poster" (who may or not be an undercover CIA agent who killed Kennedy and the Smurfs), a wish will be granted free of corruption...but not graft. Or sickle cell anemia...I make no promises!

I wish someone *cough* Marthian *cough* would stop trying to break the rules.

Granted! Marthian stops breaking the rules, instead becoming a Rules-Lawyer.

I wish I knew why saying Smurf would change your avatar and make people say smurf.

Oh, thats easy. It's because of [redacted].

I wish I hadn't forgotten to bring a snack to work tonight.

Hooray, you remember your snack. Unfortunately, your jerk co-worker eats it. He doesn't even thank you for it.

I wish something would happen.

Granted, it is Dec 21, 2012 and Snookies baby kills everyone

I wish that I could get people to pay for my art.

WISH GRANTED!!!

They pay you in Sand Dollars.

I wish that I'll make the right decision for choosing my players tomorrow.

You did make the right choice for players, they made the wrong choice of DM.

I wish I could DM my game this coming Saturday.

Granted! You Demolish and Mangle your game on Saturday.

I wish I had people who would sit at my dinner table and play Pathfinder.

Granted! They come over and play Pathfinder, but you weren't invited.

I wish I had a slice of bacon.

Your wish is granted! But it's Canadian bacon, and that's not the same.

I wish they still had Flash for Android.

In my humble kindness I grant you that wish. Now on planet Zorg all androids have a flash-light included in their standard equipement so they can play RPG at night.
You just have no way to reach that planet, let along own an android.

I wish Paizo would produce affordable minis.

granted but they break way to easily

I wish I had more time to draw

Granted! There's not much else to do in prison when you're serving 25-to-life.

I wish my new pet kitten wasn't so destructive!

Granted He is now so scarred of everything, he hides constantly and you never see him again, but the food bowl is empty every morning.

I wish my wife's cat wasn't so destructive.

Granted! Your wife walks out on you, but takes the cat.

I wish I didn't have to cancel tonight's game because I have a work deadline & need to finish the project instead of GMing!

Your wish is granted! The project is cancelled, along with your position.

I wish my Paizo shipment would show up at a decent time today.

It shows up at a very, very, very decent time for bats.

I wish I could turn my face into tentacles and back into my face at will.

Welcome to Cthulhu, minion.

I wish I could fly.

Your wish is granted... by an obliging trebuchet. FWOOOMSH!!!

I wish my fluffy cat didn't get so many knots in her fluff.

Your wish is granted. Your cat has the mange, as do you.

I wish no one in congress would get reelected.

Granted, no one gets elected period, people don't vote. Our system of government collapses into anarchy.

I wish my job started one hour later, and I went home one later to make up the difference.

Your wish is granted! Your job starts one hour later, and you go home one DAY later. 32 hour workday. You didn't specify!

I wish that it would not rain here for about 10 days, then resume normal weather.

For 10 days, it rains incredibly hard. Houses flood, dams break, milk is spilt, and soon everyone accepts this fact and it swiftly becomes the normal weather pattern for your location. At the end of the 10 days, it returns to the norm, which is now inconcievalbe amounts of rain. Your old neighborhood is now inhabitable, and you must live with your distant relatives in Sweden, and must swim the distance. After getting there, you start eating the raw beets that commonly grow in Sweden, as such is the normal condition in which you live in. Your days of Pathfinder and lollygagging are over, and you are banned from the site. After finding out, you head back to your beet home to find out that your are being evicted by small blue creatuers. The small blue creatures, who shall not be named, decide that since you invaded their home country of Sweden they will sue you for every beet you own. Since you no-longer own a house, again, you must then travel back to lands farther North still, to the lands where Penguins dare not frolic for fear of Polar Bears, Dragon, Dragon-riding Polar Bears, Polar Bear-Riding Dragons, and exclamation points. There you become king of all that can be seen, and you see a lot since it is really flat up there. One day you will discover true love in a dragon, and beget the son Dovahkiin, dragon born, and he will shirk his responsabilities and do side quests instead of doing the actual storyline. One of the side-stories that he does involves killing the king of all that is Polar Bears, Dragons, Dragon-riding Polar Bear, Polar Bear-riding Dragons, and exclamation points. In a fit of rage, you beat him over the head with your mighty beet sword, killing your only son. All that you once held dear is now dead except for your dragon wife who have tendencies to eat their husbands. You must then flee south. Far south. So far that now you are in a tropical jungle surrounded by singing monkeys, and blue bears, and beets. Oh, the sheer amount of beets makes you happy, for soon you will become the Beet Hermit. All those who seek the meaning behind beets come to you seeking knowledge. This has become a surprising amount, since the popular band "The Beets" has appeared with their hit songs "Hey, Beet" "I get by with a little help from my beets" and "Beet fields forever." They come to you for advice in their beet ways. Everyone ends up hating you, though, for introducing Yoko Beet-oh to one of the members, thus splitting up the band forever. You are chaced out of the Jungle of Beets farther south, where it rains and rains and rains forever and ever, all because of one man's silly wish.

Man I wish that could be a movie.

Granted but it is so low budget that no one goes to see it and it is a huge flop.

I wish that Kpop was not so addictive.

Your wish is granted! It's crap. In search of a fix, you turn in desperation to Jpop.

I wish I had some of what Tirq is drinking.

Here's some Cherry Pepsi. :)

I wish I had more.

Granted! Oops, it's Caffeine-Free Diet Cherry Store-Brand Cola instead. Ewww.

I wish I could stop procrastinating and get back to work.

GRANTED!! You stop procrastinating and start getting to work on buy a/nother XBOX 360 and beat Skyrim!

I wish I could get the minis I want.

You receive a Fed-Ex package with all the minis you ever wanted, a large but acceptable charge is placed on your credit card. All is well for 24 hrs until you receive a duplicate shipment and charge, all non refundable. This happens every day for 3 weeks.

I wish my assistant didn't break her foot.

Granted. She didn't break her foot, you broke her foot. She sues you for all your Paizo stuff, including downloads, leaving you to purchase it all over again.

I wish the Rise of the Runelords minis would hurry up and ship.

They rush the shipping, unfortunately Bubba forgot to put anything in the boxes.

I wish I had a really cool demon mini.

You get one! What you didn't know was that it came to life, complete with its spell like abilities after midnight.
You are possessed and go into politics.

I wish Yahoo groups was working for someone I know.

Now I'm someone you know... and I'm granting your wish... So now Yahoo groups work for me.

I wish for my bacon.

It's at the store with your name on it waiting for you.

Now you're just somebody that I used to know. I wish.

And I didn't have to cut you off of the rest of your body but that doesn't stop me either.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

Granted! You wish that Haladir had one million dollars! Thanks!

I wish I knew what to do with all this money!

Granted! You really, really, really want to give that money to Tirq. Also known as Me.

I wish there is no-one else here known as Tirq.

But there are 2 guys who go by Tirqe and Tirke.

I wish that was funnier.

Granted! Three guys named Tirq, Tirqe, and Tirke walk into a bar. Tirq ducks. Three Ducks walk into a bar, the third one Tirqs.

I wish for a large and unwieldy sword.

Granted. You are given one of Cloud Strife's swords made out of iron (which obviously makes up for the manhood he lacks [He wears a dress!]). Your arms fall off when you try to use it.

I wish I had something interesting to do.

Granted. You have a bomb in your lap and 30 seconds to disarm it.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

Granted! You wish to join your Local YMCA to sing songs by Tom Lehrer.

I wish I could unwish this wish.

Granted now he is sitting at home bored

I wish that my knee would stop swelling and causing me pain.

It now causes your pet pain. No pet, no worries! We'll just cause someone you hold dear to suffer said pain.

I wish someone would buy my video card, so I could buy the vampire level on the bones kickstarter.