|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
Vidmaster7 wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: mumble mumble ratzelfrackin work mumble mumble gonna burn this place down mumble mumble rat poison in the coffee mumble mumble Whats the matter can't beat my devil lady story? Don't think I've ever been called a devil. Been cussed at plenty of times, called a bastard and such. No one's ever gone biblical on me in a bad way, but I did once have a guy (probably in his mid 20s) call the desk because "The light by my bed is out, and little baby Jesus told me to call you because you would know how to fix it and I always do what little baby Jesus tells me to do because little baby Jesus is the savior of the world and when little baby Jesus tells you to do something you better do it because no one should ignore little baby Jesus." I took up a new bulb, replaced it, and the whole time the guy was talking about how "Little baby Jesus told me to call you and here you are fixing the light just like little baby Jesus said you would..."
Edit: No, neither of us was nekkid.
|
2 people marked this as a favorite.
|
That crazy. He had to just of been screwing with you. Watched to much taledegea nights
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
captain yesterday wrote: I'm firmly convinced BestBuy is a layer of hell.
A really s$#!ty one.
I've never had trouble with Best Buy. Circuit City, back when they still existed, on the other hand...let's just say I once sat in a car in 105 degree heat for 20 minutes rather than go in one particular store.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
John Napier 698 wrote: All my knuckles hurt. :(
Shakes fist angrily at the Low Pressure system in the Pittsburgh area.
Stop punching the low pressure systems and your knuckles might feel better.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
Vidmaster7 wrote: That crazy. He had to just of been screwing with you. Watched to much taledegea nights I don't know, maybe. I just got in and out as quick as I could. And I've never seen Talladega Nights. I hate Will Ferrell.
|
2 people marked this as a favorite.
|
gran rey de los mono wrote: Vidmaster7 wrote: That crazy. He had to just of been screwing with you. Watched to much taledegea nights I don't know, maybe. I just got in and out as quick as I could. And I've never seen Talladega Nights. I hate Will Ferrell. For mine after I told my manager what happened for the next two weeks I made her fall over laughing with quips such as. ME: Well I'm out of here to go do whatever it is that devils do when they are not at work.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
Ok, a couple of possibly funny things:
|
3 people marked this as a favorite.
|
I don't care what you think you're good at, there's a 7-year-old on YouTube who's much better at it than you are.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
Dads are like boomerangs. I hope.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
Set your wifi password to "2444666668888888" and when people ask you what it is just say "12345678".
Damn girl, are you smoke detector? Because you're loud, annoying, and won't shut the f!%@ up.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
Scooters and fat girls are both fun to ride, at least until your friends see you.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
No offense intended to anyone in those last few posts.
Also, I haven't used this alias in a while, and no offense was intended by that disuse.
|
3 people marked this as a favorite.
|
The doctor told my wife not to touch anything alcoholic, so she filed for divorce.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
I like having conversations with kids. Grown-ups have never asked me what my third favorite reptile is.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
I hope the answer is monitor lizard.
|
2 people marked this as a favorite.
|
I grew a beard thinking it would say "Distinguished Gentleman". Instead it says "Senior Citizen Discount, Please."
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
What about gila monsters or jesus lizards?
Komodo dragons are fun too.
|
3 people marked this as a favorite.
|
No, ma'am, I'm not saying you're wearing too much perfume. I'm just pointing out that the canary was alive before you walked in.
|
2 people marked this as a favorite.
|
The older I get, the earlier 'late' is.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted.
(I may have used this one before, but I like it.)
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
gran rey de los mono wrote: No, ma'am, I'm not saying you're wearing too much perfume. I'm just pointing out that the canary was alive before you walked in. Now that's what I call a dead par.. canary!
|
3 people marked this as a favorite.
|
On a less humorous note, please pay attention to what the clerk is saying when they check you into the hotel. Of the 5 people I've checked in tonight, 2 of them have asked "What time is the breakfast?" literally immediately after I said "The breakfast will be served from 6 until 9." And I mean immediately. As in, I said the words and less than a second later they asked when it was. I'm not saying this s!~% because I want to, but because I'm trying to preemptively answer some of the most common questions. So listen for two freaking seconds, and you may just get the answer before you even need to ask.
Thank you for listening.
|
2 people marked this as a favorite.
|
Vidmaster7 wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: No, ma'am, I'm not saying you're wearing too much perfume. I'm just pointing out that the canary was alive before you walked in. Now that's what I call a dead par.. canary! I'm pretty sure canaries don't pine for the fjords.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
gran rey de los mono wrote: On a less humorous note, please pay attention to what the clerk is saying when they check you into the hotel. Of the 5 people I've checked in tonight, 2 of them have asked "What time is the breakfast?" literally immediately after I said "The breakfast will be served from 6 until 9." And I mean immediately. As in, I said the words and less than a second later they asked when it was. I'm not saying this s~%% because I want to, but because I'm trying to preemptively answer some of the most common questions. So listen for two freaking seconds, and you may just get the answer before you even need to ask.
Thank you for listening.
only till 9? ours is till 10. We have our breakfast hours on a large sign that plainly says our hours. I've had them stand right next to it and ask me what time breakfast was. to be fair I suppose TN does have a very high illiteracy rate... except most of our guests are from out of state >.>
Oh and the other thing I do my answer phone Hey this is X at y etc.
Them: hey is this y?
Yes I literally just said that.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
gran rey de los mono wrote: Vidmaster7 wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: No, ma'am, I'm not saying you're wearing too much perfume. I'm just pointing out that the canary was alive before you walked in. Now that's what I call a dead par.. canary! I'm pretty sure canaries don't pine for the fjords. What do they pine for?
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
Vidmaster7 wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: On a less humorous note, please pay attention to what the clerk is saying when they check you into the hotel. Of the 5 people I've checked in tonight, 2 of them have asked "What time is the breakfast?" literally immediately after I said "The breakfast will be served from 6 until 9." And I mean immediately. As in, I said the words and less than a second later they asked when it was. I'm not saying this s~%% because I want to, but because I'm trying to preemptively answer some of the most common questions. So listen for two freaking seconds, and you may just get the answer before you even need to ask.
Thank you for listening.
only till 9? ours is till 10. We have our breakfast hours on a large sign that plainly says our hours. I've had them stand right next to it and ask me what time breakfast was. to be fair I suppose TN does have a very high illiteracy rate... except most of our guests are from out of state >.>
Oh and the other thing I do my answer phone Hey this is X at y etc.
Them: hey is this y?
Yes I literally just said that. Yeah, I get the whole "Is this the place you just said it was?" thing quite a bit too.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
Why is it that I always seem to buy the plants with the least will to live?
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
So long as there are tests, there will be prayer in school.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
Photons have Mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
Vidmaster7 wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: Vidmaster7 wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: No, ma'am, I'm not saying you're wearing too much perfume. I'm just pointing out that the canary was alive before you walked in. Now that's what I call a dead par.. canary! I'm pretty sure canaries don't pine for the fjords. What do they pine for? Fir.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
Maybe historians have it wrong, and ancient Egypt didn't actually write in hieroglyphics. Maybe those are just emojis.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
For real I hear that movie is garbage.
|
2 people marked this as a favorite.
|
There's no "I" in team, but there are 5 in "Individual brilliance".
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
I was shocked when I found out my toaster isn't waterproof.
|
2 people marked this as a favorite.
|
Want to curse someone without swearing? Say "I hope you step barefoot into a room full of Legos".
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
Some people are kind, sweet, and gentle-hearted. At least until you try and sit in their pew at church.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
Vidmaster7 wrote: For real I hear that movie is garbage. Would the review just be the poop emoji?
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
gran rey de los mono wrote: Vidmaster7 wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: Vidmaster7 wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: No, ma'am, I'm not saying you're wearing too much perfume. I'm just pointing out that the canary was alive before you walked in. Now that's what I call a dead par.. canary! I'm pretty sure canaries don't pine for the fjords. What do they pine for? Fir. Or maybe aspen.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
gran rey de los mono wrote: Some people are kind, sweet, and gentle-hearted. At least until you try and sit in their pew at church. Lol I remember reading a story about that.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
gran rey de los mono wrote: Vidmaster7 wrote: For real I hear that movie is garbage. Would the review just be the poop emoji? I'm pretty sure I heard Patrick Stewart was not happy with it.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
I called a Chinese restaurant and ordered 2000lbs of soup. It was Won Ton.
|
2 people marked this as a favorite.
|
I'll never forget my son's first words to me. "Where the f!%~ have you been for the last 17 years?!"
|
3 people marked this as a favorite.
|
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. And then we met.
|
2 people marked this as a favorite.
|
gran rey de los mono wrote: I'll never forget my son's first words to me. "Where the f+@% have you been for the last 17 years?!" Ouch that one hit close to home...
I keed I keed. I was more like 13
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
gran rey de los mono wrote: My wife and I were happy for 20 years. And then we met. You can't fool me I'm on to you now. your not married!
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
It's important to work in groups. That way you can pin the blame on someone else.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
gran rey de los mono wrote: It's important to work in groups. That way you can pin the blame on someone else. Also great opportunity to take a nap.
|
1 person marked this as a favorite.
|
Vidmaster7 wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: My wife and I were happy for 20 years. And then we met. You can't fool me I'm on to you now. your not married! My 'not married' what?
|
